#which is hilarious but then leads to the most stupid tangents imaginable

[abubblingcandle]

Me 4 hours ago - I'm going play DnD and then more time to write fanfic tonight woop woop

Me now after DMing the most insane and draining session ever - I gonna sleep

[dkettchen]

RAGNAROK PLOT PREDICTIONS 2.0 (a month before the premiere)

(WARNING: might contain p much entire plot of upcoming movie, because I am a fucking crazy person who didn’t have anything better to do all summer long than to theorise about this specific movie and deduce the entirety of it’s plot from nothing more than promo stuff, my knowledge of comics, the MCU, storytelling in general and Taika and Marvel’s style in particular)

Loki pulled some stunt at the end of TTDW to get on the throne, put Odin on Midgard and banned Heimdall (he did technically commit treason on multiple occasions, so that could be used against him) so he won’t catch onto him. He needed the throne to have access to the tesseract so that when Thanos shows up and demands his head he’ll have even the slightest chance of survival. 

During his time on the throne (3 FRICKING YEARS) he most likely grows somewhat obsessed with the idea to try and bring Frigga back (cause he feels guilty about his part in her death, he’s lonely and the only alive person he somewhat gets along with thinks he’s dead and prefers hanging out with his mortal friends rather than be home in Asgard), ending in him visiting Hela to try and get her to help him, which will accidentally lead to her escape. 

He’ll be found out and Thor will drag his ass to Midgard to find Odin, with the attitude of “you tried to get mother back and fucked up, help me get father back and we’re even” (Thor doesn’t care whether or not Loki goes back to the dungeon afterwards, he was the one to break him out in the first place anyway)

On Midgard they enlist Doc’s help to find Odin, as someone banned a certain person with magic all-seeing eyes.

((Magic bros tangent cause I just have to xD:

Stephen goes into this with the attitude of ‘Loki’s a threat to our world, he’s a high-level magic user and destroyed NYC; the faster I help them find their father the faster I can get them off the planet and out of my hair’, he’ll be focused on efficiency. 

Meanwhile Loki is used to nobody liking him anyway, so whenever he feels friendly towards someone he’ll be nice to them, and just not expect them to like him back. 

Supposing he’ll feel sympathy for Doc (nerds generally flock together) he’ll be nice, meaning his demeanour will actively contradict Doc’s prejudice about him. Which will probably lead to Doc doing one of his classic double-takes which will be fucking hilarious xD

End of tangent, thanks for listening xD))

They find Odin as a hobo yelling about the end of the world because obvs

They’ll try and get out but then A WILD HELA APPEARS, crushes the hammer, potentially to get to a potential infinity stone inside or to get some power out of it otherwise, idk

Thor and Loki try to bifrost the heck outta there, but Hela follows them into the stream and kicks Thor out of it, making him land on Muspelheim most likely (not Sakaar right away cause I believe the bifrost only goes to worlds of the nine realms which Sakaar is not a part of), where we’ll get a nice lil introduction to Surtur. 

Loki will make it to safety and then try and find Thor (aka his ticket to survival), so he’ll go to wherever he bannished Heimdall (where Heimdall grew some dope dreads) and try to convince him to help locate Thor, he likes Thor he’ll probably help him out despite everything. 

Thor meanwhile landed on Sakaar (not exactly sure how but the falling out of the sky smoking trail shot looked like what I’d imagine a punch from a fire god would look like), where Heimdall will locate him. 

Loki upon arriving on Sakaar finds Thor in the Grandmaster’s grasps. The Grandmaster is the Collector’s brother, the Collector to whom Sif and Volstagg brought the Aether after TTDW, either on Odin’s or already on Loki’s orders (both wouldn’t want two infinity stones in Asgard, Odin just like generally, and Loki because even if he’ll offer Thanos the tesseract, he’s not stupid, he won’t give him any more infinity stones than he needs to). Considering Thor and the others will most definetely not let Loki give Thanos the tesseract to save his own ass, he’ll try and get his hands on another infinity stone instead, meaning he’ll suck up to the GM in hopes of getting to the Collector and the Aether through him. So he’ll let him put Thor in the arena (haircut and all) and like hang out for a bit.

Thor will meet Hulk in the arena, get beat up by him, hang out with him, and then with Banner.

MEANWHILE, Val will find a reason to get into a knife fight with Loki (I’d guess him being Asgardian and/or mentionning Hela should be enough for her to go behind GMs back and take him prisonner in hopes of getting information out of him that could help with her revenge) she’ll knock him out and tie him up in her room.

Thor will recruit Banner and then Val for team Thor and then be like ‘Have you seen my brother? ‘bout ye high, black hair, pain in everyone’s ass’ and Val will be like ‘OH, OH HAVE I’ (dialogue might vary slightly xD), she’ll take them to her room where they’ll plot their plan

They’ll do an escape from Sakaar, involving laser guns and a stolen rainbow jet.

They’ll go to Asgard where they’ll find Hela who in the meantime has fucked shit up, by which I mean killed all the Einherjar (hopefully excluding Hogun, my beautiful son) and turned them into zombos.

Thor will fight Hela in the palace, meanwhile the others are fighting zombies and Fenris on the bridge, protecting civilians etc, then Hela will try to get to the bifrost so she can get Surtur through to burn Asgard and kill all asgardians as is her plan (cause she’s super pissed at them for something they did to her back in the day probably, cast her out or something, I could imagine that she once was some high level warrior or diplomat or something and then something happened)

Team Thor will assemble on the bridge after killing all the zombies to stop her, but she’ll get through them somehow, Thor will fight her in the bifrost, he’ll be seemingly beat, but then he’ll end up powering up with his newfound thunder powers and he’ll come back to finish the bitch (inbetween the seemingly be beat part and the come-back there will be val/loki/hela drama as I’ve been on about in various of my other posts already xD) There will also be Surtur coming through and burning shit, plus Hulk going to punch Surtur in there somewhere but I’m not exactly sure in what order stuff’s gonna go down.

AND THEN THERE’LL BE A HAPPY END AND A CELEBRATION OF THE HEROES and Loki will get a kiss from Val and potentially a pardon, blah, foreshadowing for infinity war, etc etc, you get it, post credit scenes, the standard stuff, THE END

for more of my theories check out these liiiiinks (and my Ragnarok tag in general xD):

Loki is good now so he gets hero perks Valki stuff Lil Valki tidbits that I’m hoping for dat Hela twist hopefully love triangles are only a triangle for the third wheel xD part 1 and 2 mash-up Hela Mommy’s boi would totally try to bring her back Hela and the big guys xD

[evilelitest2]

100 Days of Trump: Day 15, The Russians are Coming

I haven’t recommended enough comedies and I think it is high time we got a look at something more lighthearted around here. 

I think you can subdivide this series into 5 categories, those that explain the mindset of the far right, those that explain how American politics should work, those that explain why they don’t work, those that explain necessary facts all Americans should have but don’t, and finally works that explain why normal people will get behind stupid policies....This is one of them.   

   The movie’s premise is set in the  1950s and a Russian Nuclear sub has accidentally crash landed on the shore of a remote island in rural New England, because the Captain wanted to see America for himself.  The Crew desperately wants to avoid an incident that might lead to a war, and so they dispatch a few Russians to try to find a boat to tow the barge and get the hell out of here.  The locals of this isolated town however hear a rumor of Russians coming and have gone into an absolute panic, convinced that the US has already been taken over and acting furiously to try to stop this invasion.  Many of the Americas just cannot believe that the Russian’s aren’t here to invade, but are trying to steal a boat, and the Russian’s unfamiliarity with American culture (to say nothing of English) simply exasperates the situation until the Russians themselves start to get more trigger happy.  Its hilarious and the whole comedy is about how holy SHIT don’t let this escalate into something far worse 

    Actually small tangent, this is one of the very few examples of realist comedy, most comedies taken place in heightened reality to better accommodate  the humor (for example a character taking a hit that in real life would have seriously injured him or an unrealistically silly character showing up for comic effect).  The Russians are coming is actually quite realistic, everything that happens in the movie feels like it could happen and while the characters are silly, they are still acting in a very human manner.  This is really important because being made in 1966, the world was already too absurd, realism was the natural response.  It is also important with the humanist themes of the film that the Russian isn’t translated, and yet we understand exactly what is being said, because despite them being different they are human and we can understand them.

     So why am I recommending this movie other than my love of alternative comedy?  Two reasons, firstly this movie does a great job of explaining the mentality of a mob, particularly a mob’s response to an imaginary enemy.  The people of this new England town have never met a Russia, the Soviets might be evil but they have done nothing to them personally, and they have no real stake in the Cold War beyond a general paranoia and fear they have picked up throughout their life, and when the Russians arrive they both conjure fantasies of a Russian take over that never happened and organize a giant posse for something that didn’t happen, and you get this feeling that they are having a blast doing it.  Its important to understand paranoia against an enemy who is almost certainly is imaginary is really fun, for those of use who actually understand WTF the situation is that sounds like madness but if you are living a boring as fuck  life in the middle of nowhere, something to get right and angry at is a nice break.  The US militia look cartoonist stupid in the movie as they rally around a sword and keep trying to assert their authority over the actual police, but you get the sense that they are having a great time doing this, its a way to replay their old army dies without any of the risk, its fun in a Larping/Cosplays/boys adventure sort of way. 

And this was true then as it is true now about Islam, people who have never met a Muslim get into this because having an enemy and imagining that enemy at every corner lets you feel like you are a hero of a movie and only you can stop the problem, its the appearance of danger without any real danger.  Notably once they actually run into a Russian submarine with it machine guns and motors, the festive mood suddenly dies and becomes deadly serious as they realize actual danger, the same gung ho festive attitude suddenly shrinks up in the fear of actual threats.  And that is basically what the American right has been doing since 1945, waging a war against an imaginary threat in most cases (SJW, the liberal agenda, Feminazis, the Jewish conspiracy) and hyper exaggerated real threats in others (The Soviet Union, Muslim Fundamentalism, Drug Crime, The Clntons).  

The bad guys in this right wing fantasy don’t act like human beings who happen to be evil, they act like cartoon characters who spend every waking moment trying to fight against AMERICAN FREEDOM for its own sake (this phantom enemy thing isn’t unique to America BTW, but i’m focusing on my own country).  And people kinda like that, they like having an enemy they can fight, particularity one who can’t actually hurt them, and they like to imagine their mundane stupid interactions are scoring a real victory against thsis enemy, that buying a tee-shirt really does hurt the feminist conspiracy just a little bit rather than just buying an overpriced tacky tee-shirt.  Or the idea that a giant wall across Mexico will do anything to stop Drug Dealing, or that Banning Muslim Travelers will do anything to limit ISIS, of course they won’t, but your average Trumpian doesn’t really imagine ISIS as a real thing, they are just a bad guy that it feels good to get worked up at and fight against, an imaginary boogieman that can only be scared away by really loudmouthed politically incorrect rhetoric.  In which case, of course they elected Donald Trump, he embodies the party, because their entire conception of international conflict is that of a ten years old.  Problem is, ISIS is real and is an actual threat. 

Because this is a children’s fantasy not real combat, they don’t want complexity, they don’t want nuance, and they certainly don’t want to consider the fact that the average grunt mostly just wants to go home and not get shot.  Which is another reason why I like this film, it is a movie where the source of tension is the desire for the tension to be deescalated,  to keep the Russians and Americans from getting into a shooting war, we want the people in this movie to calm the fuck down and just avoid conflict.  Which is basically the view that actual adults have of the middle east, but these fucking children keep getting involved and fucking it up for everyone   As I talked about in the Breaking Bad post, part of the support for Trump is an almost nihilistic joy in seeing shit get destroyed, to see things become more intense, and we need more movies which handle deescalation of a conflict as important as the escalation.  Fear is a hell of a drug, but it is worse when it is combined with thrill, with a sense of glee and childlike rebellion, that is when it gets actually dangerous.  And we just elected the embodiment of that president...great job.  

Also this movie was made in 1966, seriously