#which like yeah terrible to sell your kid to the clan that fucking abused you

[ghostsoot]

my view in toji has become conflicted and did a 180 i need to dissect him like a bug

[blazichu]

VtMB Unofficial Patch Histories

Disclaimer: Extremely long. Sorry if you encounter this on mobile.

Brujah Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

True Brujah: Many blame the stereotype of the rebellious Brujah on Triole, the hot-blooded Methuselah whose progeny compose the bulwark of modern Clan Brujah. You share no blood with Triole. As such, you are predisposed to learned idealism instead of belligerent iconoclasm.

Infomercial Huckster: I made millions from my tiny one-bedroom apartment, placing tiny classified ads, buying and selling, and with 1-900 lines. And so can you!

Special Forces: Yeah, you were Special Forces. Black ops and all that. Which branch? You could say... but you’d have to kill everyone within earshot. No, seriously.

Dive Bar Bouncer: Nobody could pass you when you stood in in a doorway and you had a lot of fun throwing people out. Now it will be even easier to hurt people.

Dropped as a Baby: If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. As a kid you took a lot of abuse for that funny slope in your skull... until you started fighting back.

Glass Eye: It was true what they said. You shot your eye out. It was hard growing up with a creepy glass eye, but as an adult you learned to put it to work for you. There’s something about your unnerving stare that makes people do what you say.

Quickling: The Embrace made you feel lighter than air, a sensation that has yet to leave you.

Anti-Paladin: A bully in life, a tyrant in death. You were born into undeath with savage combat prowess and an inclination to use it. And when you do, it’s a terrible sight to behold.

All-Star Athlete: You were an excellent athlete who excelled at all physical activities. However, you’re not naturally the sharpest tool in the shed. Compound that with the fact that you spent most of your time and energy exercising, you don’t really know much about anything else.

Academic: You were the Academic type, as was your Brujah sire, living up to the old Brujah image of the poet-warrior.

Brujah Female

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

True Brujah: Many blame the stereotype of the rebellious Brujah on Triole, the hot-blooded Methuselah whose progeny compose the bulwark of modern Clan Brujah. You share no blood with Triole. As such, you are predisposed to learned idealism instead of belligerent iconoclasm.

Voyeur Website Model: Maybe you weren’t the prettiest girl in school, but you could still make dirty old men sit up and beg. And pay for it. Hey, it beats Taco Bell.

Fixer: You had the streets wired. There was nothing you couldn’t find. Drugs, guns, prostitutes of every shape, age and color. One time you got Giraffe Ribeyes on a 24 hours’ notice. And apparently you’ve had more than a couple vampire clients. Who knew? You left an impression and now here you are.

Purveyor of Vice: Smoking, drinking, drugs, you did it all while you were still alive. Now in death only blood is left to turn you on.

Dropped as a Baby: If you’re gonna be dumb, you gotta be tough. As a kid you took a lot of abuse for that funny slope in your skull... until you started fighting back.

Glass Eye: It was true what they said. You shot your eye out. It was hard growing up with a creepy glass eye, but as an adult you learned to put it to work for you. There’s something about your unnerving stare that makes people do what you say.

Quickly: The Embrace made you feel lighter than air, a sensation that has yet to leave you.

Anti-Paladin: A bully in life, a tyrant in death. You were born into undeath with savage combat prowess and an inclination to use it. And when you do, it’s a terrible sight to behold.

All-Star Athlete: You were an excellent athlete who excelled at all physical activities. However, you’re not naturally the sharpest tool in the shed. Compound that with the fact that you spent most of your time and energy exercising, you don’t really know much about anything else.

Academic: You were the Academic type, as was your Brujah sire, living up to the old Brujah image of the poet-warrior.

Gangrel Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Environmental Activist: You were a member of Greenpeace in life, always fighting to protect the environment, riding with the whales and climbing nuclear reactors. Knowing about cause and effect was important then.

Pagan: Your beliefs center on the Gnostic pantheon, and your kinship with nature is strong. After you were Embraced, you were naturally more in tune with the Beast within and that affinity is now apparent.

Mortician: The irony isn’t lost on you now. All those nights in the echoing silence with the husks of former humanity. You always thought it was your fate you were staring into. Then one night it happened. Finally. One of them-- a hell of a fine specimen, you were thinking-- woke up.

Ex-Cop: You were a great cop-- until a meth-head’s knife glanced your spine and left you relegated to deskwork for the rest of your career.

Perv: You love women. Good God Almighty, do you love women. You love their bits ‘n you love their places. Mmmmmm yeah. They never really reciprocated your interest, but, well, fuck ‘em. In underneath your suppressed appetites have reemerged.

Chupacabra: Rumor has it you are descended from the legendary Chupacabra-- the blood-frenzied devil that has haunted the Mexican country for generations. The veracity of this dubious distinction is impossible to discern, but your feral instincts are strong.

Insectoid: Maybe it’s the vague compulsion to spin a web, or when you catch yourself trying to use your imaginary feelers, but something in your Gangrel blood is exceptional.

Anda Gangrel: Descendant of nomadic vampire-warriors, you were bred for extreme trials of endurance.

Close to the Beast: After you were Embraced, you were naturally more in tune with the Beast within and that affinity is now physically apparent.

Pot Head: Scientists say that smoking pot can make you more stupid. That may explain your terrible memory as you often forget names and other details. However, you have a very relaxed attitude toward life, or unlife.

Gangrel Female

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Environmental Activist

Pagan Priestess: You believe your Embrace into Clan Gangrel was destiny. You were priestess to a pagan sect in life, and nature is the center of your mind, body and soul. After you were Embraced, you were naturally more in tune with the Beast within.

Mortician: The irony isn’t lost on you now. All those nights in the echoing silence with the husks of former humanity. You always thought it was your fate you were staring into. Then one night it happened. Finally. One of them-- a hell of a fine specimen, you were thinking-- woke up.

Ex-Cop: You were a great cop-- until a meth-head’s knife glanced your spine and left you relegated to deskwork for the rest of your career.

Hard-Ass Chica: You were born into a neighborhood just outside of downtown LA. It might as well have been the Third World. And you were just one girl kicking and biting her way to survival. In the middle of famine and marauding victimizers, gang life was life.

Beastmistress: Mortal creatures sense vampires as an abomination, outsiders to the natural order. Your presence, however, seems to pacify the animal spirit like a sickly sweet intoxicant.

Insectoid: Maybe it’s the vague compulsion to spin a web, or when you catch yourself trying to use your imaginary feelers, but something in your Gangrel blood is exceptional.

Anda Gangrel: Descendant of nomadic vampire-warriors, you were bred for extreme trials of endurance.

Close to the Beast: After you were Embraced, you were naturally more in tune with the Beast within and that affinity is now physically apparent.

Pot Head: Scientists say that smoking pot can make you more stupid. That may explain your terrible memory as you often forget names and other details. However, you have a very relaxed attitude toward life, or unlife.

Malkavian Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Cut-Rate Party Clown: It was just supposed to be until you put things back together after Evelyn left you. Here it is, 3 years 3,246 scotches later. Somehow you’ve kept this gig going without one repeat customer. Truly, America is the greatest nation on earth.

Nutty Weatherman: Your inane banter and masterful use of the awkward segue was the toast of Bumblefuck, Illinois. So you took to the big leagues and, wouldn’t ya know it? First skank you pick up at an airport goes and kills you.

Long and Little Foot: ‘Don’t help me!’ Your dual deformities make life difficult, but you’re one of those hard-luck, triumph-in-the-face-of-adversity stories that people gobble up.

Burnout: Science has yet to prove the link between marijuana and decreased mental capacity. You say you’ve always been a little slow, but that’s just because you’re so mellow.

Ninja: You think you’re a ninja. Kee-ai!

Doomseer: The paralyzing fear of eternal death has an iron grip on you. Doom is just around he corner for you, for everyone, you just know it. And you lack faith in your vampire abilities. What’s the use anyway?

Completely Batshit: The curse of Clan Malkavian burns white-hot in your veins. You are a brimming cauldron of lunacy.

Subtly Insane: Your insanity does not hinder your ability to interact with others too greatly. At first glance, most wouldn’t even second guess your mental stability.

Occult Nut: Who would have thought that any of it could be real? You loved dark fantasies and considered yourself Occult-savvy. Now that you’re among the Kindred, you find that you actually know some of this stuff and are really excited about learning more about your new state of life.

Deaf: You were born practically deaf. Not only did you overcome your disability, you enjoy helping others cope and get ahead in life.

Malkavian Female

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Ex-Gymnast-Stripper: Your entire childhood was spent either in school or at practice. Daddy was too busy to tell you there’s no such thing as a professional gymnast. And mommy... well, mommy was busy looking for a new daddy.

Women’s Prison Guard: You were a black-hearted, violence-loving badass when you were alive, and you’re still an evil maniac in unlife. You had always hoped it would be more like skinemax. If only.

Long and Little Foot: ‘Don’t help me!’ Your dual deformities make life difficult, but you’re one of those hard-luck, triumph-in-the-face-of-adversity stories that people gobble up.

Burnout: Science has yet to prove the link between marijuana and decreased mental capacity. You say you’ve always been a little slow, but that’s just because you’re so mellow.

Ninja: You think you’re a ninja. Kee-ai!

Doomseer: The paralyzing fear of eternal death has an iron grip on you. Doom is just around he corner for you, for everyone, you just know it. And you lack faith in your vampire abilities. What’s the use anyway?

Completely Batshit: The curse of Clan Malkavian burns white-hot in your veins. You are a brimming cauldron of lunacy.

Subtly Insane: Your insanity does not hinder your ability to interact with others too greatly. At first glance, most wouldn’t even second guess your mental stability.

Occult Nut: Who would have thought that any of it could be real? You loved dark fantasies and considered yourself Occult-savvy. Now that you’re among the Kindred, you find that you actually know some of this stuff and are really excited about learning more about your new state of life.

Deaf: You were born practically deaf. Not only did you overcome your disability, you enjoy helping others cope and get ahead in life.

Nosferatu Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Video Game Publisher: You relish a sad pleasure in ruining promising game developing studios with impossible deadlines.

Eco-Terrorist Hacker: You were an expert computer hacker dedicated to preserving the environment, sticking it to the man, one denial-of-service at a time. Your side was attracted to your dedication and respect for nature.

Pedagogue: I always said he’d come to no good in the end, your honor. If they’d let me have my way, I could’ve flayed him into shape.

Lowborn: Trash, rabble, scum-- whatever you call it, you’re the supernatural equivalent. You come from a long line of gutter-dwelling, bottom-feeding, undead riffraff. As such, you are predisposed to the dregs of humanity.

Cadaverous Flesh: Each manifestation of vampirism is unique. Yours, it turns out, carries an unfortunate deficiency. Your body wants to rot. It’s nothing that can’t be overcome, but it’s a constant drain on you.

Boogeyman: Humanity is a fascinating spectacle indeed. Everyone has wanted to be a fly on the wall at one time or another, but you were obsessed with the idea. As luck would have it, your Nosferatu progenitors all had a penchant for peeping as well.

Leatherface: Your rebirth as a hideous beast was a dream come true. The power is intoxicating. And now you’re going to make them pay-- all of them.

Shepherd of Vermin: Like a creature of urban legend you commune with pestilent scavengers and share their filthy domain.

Presentable: The Nosferatu blood from your sire was rather weak and the blood curse did not take too strong a hold on you. You’re only deformed where the moon doesn’t shine.

Peeping Tom: It’s not your fault you were born lacking in the appearance department. Since nobody likes you, your unfulfilled and repressed sexual desires have turned you into quite the little pervert. 

Nosferatu Female

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Gossip Columnist: Item! You’re dead! Who would have ever thought that any of it could be real? You loved dark fantasies and consider yourself Occult-savvy.

Pedagogue: I always said he’d come to no good in the end, your honor. If they’d let me have my way, I could’ve flayed him into shape.

Baglady: Your life was a big mess which left you stranded on the streets with nothing but cheap booze. And now you look even worse!

Blunt Fangs: Things were never easy for you. You fought for every scrap that was eventually stolen from you. You treasure everything you have, and savor every hard lesson learned, even while you suspect God hates you. This luck carries over to undeath. You have blunt fangs.

Lowborn: Trash, rabble, scum-- whatever you call it, you’re the supernatural equivalent. You come from a long line of gutter-dwelling, bottom-feeding, undead riffraff. As such, you are predisposed to the dregs of humanity.

Cadaverous Flesh: Each manifestation of vampirism is unique. Yours, it turns out, carries an unfortunate deficiency. Your body wants to rot. It’s nothing that can’t be overcome, but it’s a constant drain on you.

Cleopatra: There are fates worse than death. You know this. in life, you were an object of desire. Men wanted you, women wanted to be like you. You have been transformed into a cruel mockery of your former self. As someone acutely aware of how easy life is for the beautiful people, you have unique insight into the psychology of human and vampire alike.

Shepherd of Vermin: Like a creature of urban legend you commune with pestilent scavengers and share their filthy domain.

Presentable: The Nosferatu blood from your sire was rather weak and the blood curse did not take too strong a hold on you. You’re only deformed where the moon doesn’t shine.

Black-Hearted: You were a black-hearted, violence loving, badass when you were alive, and you’re still an evil maniac in unlife.

Toreador Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Teamster: You believe in collective bargaining to get justice for working families. And if that fails, there’s collective wrench beatings.

Degenerate Gambler: You knew you shoulda laid the chalk. You were down. Down big. But you had to press it on a parlay with the over and caught bad beat on the hook. On the friggin’ hook. So much for Vegas. You figured you’d slum it around LA till you could build a roll to gt back in. And that’s when you met her...

Rehab Counselor: You always had an open ear for other people’s problems, even if you had to listen to some scumbags sitting in prison.

Velvet Rope Doorman: You hand-craft the scene with nothing more than a clipboard, a cheap headset, and a dispassionate contempt for humanity.

Rapacious Bloodlust: The Embrace brought out a mean streak in you. You’re constantly fighting the urge to kill, even as your power to do so grows.

Beautiful Monster: You are ruled by your passions. And some of them ain’t pretty. People find you absolutely mesmerizing. But you were always too self-absorbed to bother with normal human repartee.

Uncanny Awareness: You swear to God you can see the future. Not years from now, or even next week, but moment-to-moment you always see what’s coming. You are so acutely aware of your surroundings that you’ve been known to dodge bullets without looking.

Faelike: You are a creature of delicate beauty and ephemeral grace. You seem more likely to have spring from the pages of Spenser or Keats than Sheller or Stoker.

Starving Artist: You were a starving artist. You lived with the clothes on your back and because of your poor background, you do not have any compunction against wearing ugly clothes.

Ex-SWAT: While in the police force, you’ve developed quite a skill with firearms. However, you quite the forces after receiving a crippling injury while in the line of duty.

Toreador Female

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Teamster: You believe in collective bargaining to get justice for working families. And if that fails, there’s collective wrench beatings.

Twenty-Something: It’s about the people, you know. Out here, on te streets, in the clubs... That’s where it’s going on. That’s where it’s coming together. Not in some boardroom. And the people don’t wear ties. The next generation of leaders isn’t coming from the suburbs. What? You want to go there? Why? It’s going off here... open bar? Well, okay....

Rehab Counselor: You always had an open ear for other people’s problems, even if you had to listen to some scumbags sitting in prison.

Slut: So you’re a little boy-crazy. And maybe you like to get guys’ attention. And maybe you like to fool around. That don’t mean people have the right to go talking about you and calling you names - they don’t know you!

Rapacious Bloodlust: The Embrace brought out a mean streak in you. You’re constantly fighting the urge to kill, even as your power to do so grows.

Decadent Enchantress: Beautiful, bored, and sociopathic. You amuse yourself by testing the limits of your suitors’ devotions, and you delight at the ruin they willfully suffer for your affections.

Uncanny Awareness: You swear to God you can see the future. Not years from now, or even next week, but moment-to-moment you always see what’s coming. You are so acutely aware of your surroundings that you���ve been known to dodge bullets without looking.

Faelike: You are a creature of delicate beauty and ephemeral grace. You seem more likely to have spring from the pages of Spenser or Keats than Sheller or Stoker.

Starving Artist: You were a starving artist. You lived with the clothes on your back and because of your poor background, you do not have any compunction against wearing ugly clothes.

Ex-SWAT: While in the police force, you’ve developed quite a skill with firearms. However, you quite the forces after receiving a crippling injury while in the line of duty.

Tremere Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Old Timer: You are the old fashioned type and don’t care about all this new technology.

Country Club Lothario: We’re living in the age of soccer moms. And don’t you know it. Yeah, hubby might be pulling down 7 figures, but you got an empty day-planner and a grin that drops panties like putts on a par 3.

Con Artist: Discipline and order: only one thing counts in this life and that is to get them to sign on the line that is dotted.

Highway Drifter: Between the small towns that dot the Midwest, there’s a lot of open space, a lot of long shadows, and a lot of room to disappear. You know, you’ve done it. And you may have helped some other people do it too.

Eerie Presence: Most vampires have no problem fitting in to mortal society. You don’t know what it is, but you just can’t pull it off. You’re doing everything they’re doing, but something about you seems to make humans uneasy. Sometimes, it seems like they can just sense you. You were a perfectly affable, intellectual human. So what gives?

Deceptive Strength: You used to be quite clumsy, but the Embrace gave you unnatural reserves of physical power.

Eldritch Prodigy: You have a natural gift for the dark arts of Thaumaturgy, and can use it to greater effect than most Tremere. Thaumaturgy is your all-consuming passion, to the exclusion of nearly every other pursuit.

Infernal: Your forebears paid an awful price in their quest for power. The deal still holds, and you’ll continue to pay for eternity.

Affinity for Magic: You always liked magical illusions, and even performed some tricks yourself as a kid. Now you are amazed that magic is actually real.

Generalissimo: Discipline and order, tactics and warfare: these are the reasons why you joined the army. Not only did you fit perfectly, you excelled in the military.

Tremere Female

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Old Timer: You are the old fashioned type and don’t care about all this new technology.

Medicine Saleswoman: Some uptight types might say Fluoxetine for kids is over the line. Obviously, they have no idea what kind of profit margin those things pack. And have they spent time around kids? Please - they should put that stuff in baby formula.

Agent: Your representation was highly sought. And you were well compensated. You played every bit as hard as the boys cuz it takes brass balls to get it done in this town, and goddamn if you didn’t have the biggest pair. You were a power player. A threat. And your competition couldn’t handle getting shown up by a girl, so they sold you out to an undead predator. Pfft. Typical. This town is full of hate.

Bar Singer Seductress: Drunken overatures from traveling businessmen, room keys from toupeed conventioneers, a handful of restraining orders. This is the legacy of your career in entertainment.

Eerie Presence: Most vampires have no problem fitting in to mortal society. You don’t know what it is, but you just can’t pull it off. You’re doing everything they’re doing, but something about you seems to make humans uneasy. Sometimes, it seems like they can just sense you. You were a perfectly affable, intellectual human. So what gives?

Deceptive Strength: You used to be quite clumsy, but the Embrace gave you unnatural reserves of physical power.

Eldritch Prodigy: You have a natural gift for the dark arts of Thaumaturgy, and can use it to greater effect than most Tremere. Thaumaturgy is your all-consuming passion, to the exclusion of nearly every other pursuit.

Infernal: Your forebears paid an awful price in their quest for power. The deal still holds, and you’ll continue to pay for eternity.

Affinity for Magic: You always liked magical illusions, and even performed some tricks yourself as a kid. Now you are amazed that magic is actually real.

Generalissimo: Discipline and order, tactics and warfare: these are the reasons why you joined the army. Not only did you fit perfectly, you excelled in the military.

Ventrue Male

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Juvenile Hall Disciplinarian: Already as a teen you loved to demonstrate your influence and power over others.

Union Boss: You’re a blue-collar success story, a self-made man of the people. The respect of your workers and the gratification of a job well done was all you ever wanted in return. So the kickbacks and extortion money were all icing.

Industry Lobbyist: You have a big ego. You represented industry and pressed their agenda in the halls of power. Which industry? Which one’s paying?

Corporate Schmo: There’s no room in your cubicle to hand your Business degree. You were reprimanded for having a wrinkled shirt. And you laughed when your buddy decided to major in Rhetoric. Now he’s a sitcom writer ad wears Birkenstocks to work. He always said “business casual is the dress of defeat”. Maybe you could go back and get your MBA....

War Profiteer: Er, Defense Contractor. Someone has to make sure the troops get hot means and video teleconferencing from home. And if, while you’re over there, you can help the natives get their economy running by landing some bloated, no-bid oil services the contracts from your buddies in government, great! It’s win-win! So one of your truck drivers gets beheaded on the internet; who doesn’t realize that risk when they sign up for the job?

Runaway: Your old man was a bastard. You can say that now. It took years just to be able to mention him. You’re making progress, but you still avoid confrontation, and you don’t know if you’ll ever be comfortable with being touched.

Diabolic: In addition to the Beast Within, you struggle against an even darker force. You feel the pull of salvation and damnation in your every action.

Cleaner: Not every Ventrue is afraid to get their hands dirty. Some problems need to be met head on, and occasionally matters are too delicate to sic the Gangrel on them. While your bloodline dosn’t come from the sunny side of the Ventrue family tree, they’ve always been entrusted to take care of such problems.

Megalomaniac: You have a big ego. Because of your confidence in yourself and your abilities, people either really hate you, or are drawn to you.

Well Educated: You were very privileged and gained excellent education all-around.

Ventrue Female:

Homosexual: You always found your own gender more attractive than the other sex, although many people still have issues dealing with this. Maybe vampire society is different.

Juvenile Hall Disciplinarian: Already as a teen you loved to demonstrate your influence and power over others.

Industry Lobbyist: You have a big ego. You represented industry and pressed their agenda in the halls of power. Which industry? Which one’s paying?

Southern Debutante: You were very privileged and gained excellent education. Mother would be so proud if she knew you were accepted into the *best* vampire clan around!

Corporate Schmo: There’s no room in your cubicle to hand your Business degree. You were reprimanded for having a wrinkled shirt. And you laughed when your buddy decided to major in Rhetoric. Now he’s a sitcom writer ad wears Birkenstocks to work. He always said “business casual is the dress of defeat”. Maybe you could go back and get your MBA....

War Profiteer: Er, Defense Contractor. Someone has to make sure the troops get hot means and video teleconferencing from home. And if, while you’re over there, you can help the natives get their economy running by landing some bloated, no-bid oil services the contracts from your buddies in government, great! It’s win-win! So one of your truck drivers gets beheaded on the internet; who doesn’t realize that risk when they sign up for the job?

Runaway: Your old man was a bastard. You can say that now. It took years just to be able to mention him. You’re making progress, but you still avoid confrontation, and you don’t know if you’ll ever be comfortable with being touched.

Dominatrix: You’ve always been persuasive, but as a vampire, few can deny your will.

Diabolic: In addition to the Beast Within, you struggle against an even darker force. You feel the pull of salvation and damnation in your every action.

Megalomaniac: You have a big ego. Because of your confidence in yourself and your abilities, people either really hate you, or are drawn to you.

Well Educated: You were very privileged and gained excellent education all-around.