#which makes sense considering how in every episode of season three she endured a traumatic event

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

it’s not a coincidence that season four, the season where debbie hits puberty, is the season where the fandom starts to gang up on her.

[psychic-echo]

Yugioh Theory: Mai’s Dark-Side

Okay, so hear me out. Might sound stupid, but I have a theory that Yami Marik wasn't completely destroyed by Marik upon his surrender to the Pharaoh at the end of Battle City.  In fact, it might be possible for Yami Marik to be partially responsible for Mai's turn towards the Dark-side during the Doma Arc; in more than a PTSD Nightmare fuel sense. 

(Longer version after the break)

So, as stated above, the theory revolves around Mai's personality change in comparison to where she was when she drove off into the sunset at the end of Battle City, and when she comes roaring in as a bad-ass biker babe only 7 episodes later at the start of the Doma Arc.

Mai's motivations as to why she is now a rival of Yugi & co., and has given into the power of the Orichalcos and turned to the dark side, seems a little baffling.   Mai is said to want power and become a stronger duelist, but is also suffering from post-traumatic stress and possibly other psychological disorders (Anxiety, etc.) by the mental torture she had to endure in the penalty game imposed on her due to her loss to Yami Marik, in the Battle City Semi-Finals.  She thinks she's abandoned by her friends, who no longer care.

To quote her exactly on her motivations: "You've never been an outsider like me, All alone. Duel Monsters is all I have, and after the battle city tournament I set out to become the best. I dueled against chump after chump to improve my dueling skills. I needed to make a name for myself.  Even though I won match after match, I didn't feel any stronger as a duelist. In fact, I felt worse, and I certainly wasn't making a name for myself. Not long after that the nightmares began [....] Every night it was the same dream. I was weak, and no one was there to help me! I was at the end of my rope, scared, lonely, pathetic, and my so called friends were no where to be found. "  

Well, yeah it's understandable she's fed up with not being considered being in the same league of Duelist or as well recognized as Kaiba, Yugi, and even Joey.  It's also understandable she's still traumatized from the events of Battle City, to the point she's convinced herself that she doesn't belong with them, and they don't care about her.

After all; part of the Shadow Game she played in involved her friends being erased from her mind, and her penalty game involved showing her an illusion of her friends being happier and better off without her, completely forgetting about her.

Mai's final scene in Season 3 she  exchanges farewells with Joey. She appears to acknowledge the fact that Joey actually does care about her and consider her a friend; and she tells him that the feeling is mutual and she considers them to be friends as well.  It's a sweet scene and feels more like a send off to Mai, and the conclusion of her character arc. 

That's because in the Manga, Mai's character arc ended with the Conclusion of the Battle City Arc.  She is never seen again throughout the rest of the Manga. But of course, that's not the case in the Anime; as she was brought back in season 4 (which was not adapted from an arc in the Manga--as the arc bridging the gap in between the Duelist volumes, and the Millennium World Volumes of the Manga was the 5 volume series Yu-Gi-Oh R, which people tend to forget as being a thing. Though I can see why  Yu-Gi-Oh R, was never adapted into Anime; but that's for  a future discussion.)

 Mai's return as a character, and an antagonist seemed mostly for character motivation for Joey as a secondary protagonist character; giving him more of a mission and reason to be there than just as moral support for Yugi and the Pharaoh. His purpose in this battle against evil, aside from the standard "I promised Yugi I'd help him face whatever evil there was"; becomes more of a rescue mission, repeating a lot of the same steps from the Battle City Finals: showing Mai that she has friends who care about her.  Though in the process Mai's motivations for being against them feel more like the writers forgot, or rather, undid, all the development in the past three seasons. But also adding the "inadequacy as a Duelist" subplot--which doesn't get focused on quite as much as the "friendship" thing, or this weird "Love-triangle" subplot between her, Valon, and Joey.

Even when Mai defeats Joey, and the Seal of Orichalcos takes his soul, freeing Mai from it's influence as she sees Joey cares about her enough to risk his own soul. She sees that what she had convinced herself of was wrong:

"I was angry and confused and I blamed all my loneliness on you. So I tried to get rid of you. How could I be so selfish? You're the only one who ever cared about me.  You're the closest friend I ever had and how did I repay you? By leaving you for a mad man who promised me power."

That's all fine and good, except now this make time number two that Mai has repeated this arc. Blaming Joey for her loneliness, and her problems, and why her victories seemed to be meaningless and empty.  Literally they have the same exchange as the end of Season 3, just done slightly different (with Joey being unconscious). Mai acknowledging Joey's friendship and how much he cares about her and what happens to her, that he was willing to lose everything just to save her. 

"Okay, but now....aren't we supposed to be talking about Yami Marik being partially responsible for this relapse and influencing Mai's dark personality, under the power of the Orichalcos? You've yet to actually explain where he fits in to this. All you've done is sort of highlight the baffling writing in Season 4 in regards to Mai." 

I'm getting to that. Just needed to establish that we're given the reasons why Mai joined with Dartz's organization. She felt weak and that her friends had abandoned her. She was desperate and miserable. But when Mai left at the end of season 3, she didn't seem like what she was now coming to understand and see would be something she would forget about anytime soon.  I'm not sure if it's ever stated how much time passes between Battle City and the events of the Doma Arc, but it's seems like enough for Mai to win a number of tournaments; and have a number of reoccurring nightmares, to be at that point where she's desperate  and feeling hopeless right before she encounter Valon, and begin working for Dartz.

So, the main theory; Yami Marik is responsible for Mai's turn to darkness in more than just the memory of their duel and his torturing of her being the source of her PTSD.  He may actually be present in Mai's mind and is helping influence all these things. Even if she, and no one else might know.

But we're going to set Mai aside for right now to talk about Yami Marik for a bit, but don't worry these two paths are gonna converge, but I'm sure before I even get to that point. You'll see exactly where Yami Marik fits in to Mai's darkness and backwards progression. If you haven't already and are screaming at me right now to make the point.

We know from what we've seen, Yami Marik was created after Marik's initiation as Tomb Keeper, from Marik's hatred, anger, sadness, among other negative emotions. He's been shown to influence Marik's personality, so it isn't too much of a stretch to say that plenty of Marik's motives and actions as an antagonist were influenced by Yami Marik as a play to gain more power, to eventually become strong enough to possibly over come the suppression which the ritual Odion performed on his face as a sign of solidarity to his little brother, without having to have Odion fall unconscious.

Yami Marik gains power and a greater influence on Marik, through Marik's own actions and emotions and through the pain he inflicts on others; like a vampiric parasite he feeds off of misery, darkness, desperation, hopelessness and evil and negative energies. They sustain him enough to remain present in Marik.    He messes with Marik's mind and emotions to keep him miserable and fueling his hatred, just as Marik screwed with the mind and emotions of others through the Millennium Rod's Power.

The idea to use the Millennium Rod's power in this way on others probably came from Yami Marik himself. His influence over Marik has grown in the past few years since the death of Mr. Ishtar. It's become strong enough now that Marik's personality has changed and become this revenge driven, scheming evil master-mind.   Of course this greater influence is from the benefit of the power of the Millennium Rod and the shadow-magic within it. He feeds off of the power of the Shadow Realm and the suffering of his victims (including the Rare Hunters he controls, as many of the Rare hunters he's possessed, Like Arcana, Lumis, and the Exodia Rare Hunter, have all been shown to be fearful of him appearing in their mind and taking control of them, when they've failed him.)

(The fact that Yami Marik feeds off of the Shadow-Realm and the Millennium Rod's power can be evidenced through just the change in his appearance among the episodes.  He becomes more deranged, and his face becomes all sorts of distorted and those muscles.  I mean just....Damn.)

(Yami Marik feeding off the darkness of the Shadow Realm and the torture of his victims; also can be evidenced through a cut scene cut from the 4Kids dub, where after his duel with Joey, in which he narrowly escaped defeat, he is shown momentarily becoming ill, and nearly vomiting, making it almost seem as if the energy he received from the Shadow's in that duel was tainted in some way.)

Okay, so let's talk about the Millennium Rod and it's power at this point. Among the abilities of the Millennium Rod, such as mind-control, and mental mental manipulation, the ability to leave a portion of the owner's mind in the people that he has controlled. This ability was used in a couple instances, such as allowing Marik to appear in Bakura's mind to tell him to enter the Battle City Finals, and to appear to seek Bakura's assistance when Yami Marik took over, and of course using this ability with Tea.

At only one point in the Duels after Yami Marik awakens do we ever see him use the ability to enter into someone's mind. That is right after Mai's loses the Shadow Game against him.  He appears to her in her mind, to trap her there inside an hour glass, that once the sand ran out would completely erase everything of her memories.  While there he created the illusion to make Mai think her friends were happier without her and that no one was coming to save her.

It's possible that when this happened Yami-Marik left a piece of his mind inside of Mai; in order to appear in her mind, he would have had to do this.  Did he intentionally mean to leave this piece of his mind inside of Mai? Maybe. Though the theory still works if it was not intentional;  I believe this was intentional. 

Why? Because...."I always have a plan."

These are the exact words Marik himself uses shortly after he has his Rare Hunters capture Joey and Tea and they become Marik's mind slaves to lure Yugi into a duel to the death against Joey at the harbor.  Marik has been shown many times to have several plans running in action at the same time, (like a good villain). Any time one plan falls through, the next can be put into motion.

Having gained control of Marik's body, no longer being suppressed by Odion, now that he's been struck down; Yami Marik has to try to keep his control. Prior to his awakening (the first time and the recent time); Marik has shown active resistance to his Dark-Sides control, even shortly after losing control, appearing to call out for Ishizu's help, only to be locked up and banished.  

Given that Yami-Marik actively goes after Odion multiple times in order to kill him,in order to eliminate the threat of Marik regaining control were Odion to regain conciousness like the last time he was in control; he would have to have plans in play in the probable chance he may be defeated.  Even if those plans have to be improvised to a degree; using the only available people around. (It's the finals, there aren't that many people around, you're on an aircraft/island/etc.) He needed a back-up plan incase this all went south, and he was banished.  So what are your options at the time?  They're pretty damn limited.

You're not going to go after the non-duelists on board. I mean, they probably don't have cards, or any real means of accomplishing the mission to defeat the Pharaoh, or anything else really. They're worthless to you.

Like fuck you're going to try possessing Odion, he's the reason you were supressed in the first place, You'd rather prefer his dead ass chopped up into peices and tossed out into the ocean for the sharks. Because like hell you're taking that risk of bringing him back to conciousness and getting yourself destroyed.  I mean, Fuck. That. Shit.

Well, there's Joey---but..he's shown resistance to the Millennium Rod's Mind control before and even managed to break himself free. You can't break his will that easy, and his mind may actively fight you. So, that's a no go. 

Kaiba? Kaiba has connections to the ancient past, so the Millennium Rod's power isn't going to work, and besides--there's a chance the Millennium Rod might recognize this connection between Kaiba and it's former wielder and Yami Marik could lose control of the Millennium Rod. You want to keep that. Besides, the only thing you want from Kaiba is his Obelisk the Tormentor. (Wait---that came out wrong.)

As well, You're not going to hide out in this eighth duelist because, they haven't shown their face yet. Who cares who they are. Maybe when and If you have to face them, you can use them. Of course by the time you do find out who they are (surprise of surprises: it's your sister.) you'll have to eliminate them as an option, not only does she have a Millennium item (which she gives up) She also has a connection to the ancient past through  the family lineage, so she's probably protected from most of the powers of the Millennium Rod.  I predict the future says no on this one.

Bakura's an option--but there's already another dark spirit working there within the Millennium Ring, who's probably already pissed off at you after your weaker half almost got his host obliterated by Silfer in Match 1 of the finals---You need someone who's not going to pose a threat to you. Someone who can't use a millennium item to banish you  before you even have a chance. Forget it. Leave the Cream-puff alone; he's got his own problems. Besides, like with Tea, your weaker half might be hiding out there. You'll have to eliminate him and any other pieces of him that might be lurking around anyhow.

So, who's left?  Ah, well, isn't it your  luck the Blue-Eyes Bingo Machine  just puked out your number and that of your first opponent, and what a joy; she's already brimming with feelings of loneliness, isolation, and anger, masked behind the tough-girl lone-wolf Duelist façade.  Perfect. You can use this to your advantage for the perfect shadow game and even set her up as your backup plan.  

She's got all the negative emotions you can feed off of, to sustain yourself upon should it eventually come down to it. Sure, you're back to square one if your weak half some how gets back in control, and if Odion does regain consciousness, giving your weak half the confidence enough to destroy you and banish you forever from his body. But, hey; if you do enough damage, you can mentally scar her enough to get some sort of advantage should you have to actually rely on your backup plan.  

To make things even better;  when she loses this game, you can completely destroy her mind. Torture her, and put a timer on her penalty game. Anyone who wants to save her better do it in enough time.  Even if this whole "destroy the Pharaoh" plan doesn't work out the way it should; if they don't take you down in enough time; there won't be any Mai left to bring back, and no Mai left to be able to resist your power. You basically get a back-up body to inhabit, without nearly as much of the work you had to put in to Marik. (And even better, Odion won't be able to stop you, that whole ritual thing that been suppressing you probably only works with Marik...and you won't be him. so yay.)

Anyhow, It seems like a perfect set up for a back up plan. However as I mentioned before, the theory still works on the idea it was all accidental and Yami Marik didn't know he was leaving a piece of his mind behind in order to enter into Mai's mind. He only finds out about this after appearing in Mai's mind sometime after the end of Battle City and her departure from the group.

Either way, sometime after Yami Marik is defeated; he appears inside of Mai's mind.  Mai's acknowledgement of her friendship with the others has occurred and now she's off on her own with that confidence in her heart.   For now.  Yami-Marik is back at square one with his power, back like when Marik was still a kid.  Well, that is enough.  You can still mess with her mind. Bring up those old scars, and traumas.  Put the power of suggestion in her head.

All it takes is that first tournament win. Yami Marik takes the joy from it, just by the power of suggestion. Make her believe it's an empty win, and it makes her no stronger than before. She might have won, but what's the point? No friends to share the victory with?  It makes her miserable, thinking something is wrong with her. Her misery makes him stronger. Repeatedly again and again, sucking the joy from the only thing Mai has in her life at the moment. It drives her mad, and she can't understand what the reason for it is.

He suggests to her it's because she'll never be a respected Duelist. Yugi, Kaiba, Joey, those are the real stars; those are the real duelists, and she's fooling herself if she thinks anyone will consider her in their league.  Of course the words she's been hearing from her competition, and others only reinforces this idea.

Then the nightmares start. Now he can confront her, he can bring back those memories of her loss in Battle City. He can torture her more. Really drive home the fact she's alone, she's weak, and make her believe no one cares and she'd have been better of in the shadows, forgotten about.  It makes her desperate. She slips into depressive state, and really starts to believe that her friends don't care.  Now she's absolutely miserable, and Yami-Marik can sustain himself for quite some time.  She feels hopeless, and it's difficult to find the positive when there seems to be nothing left to make her happy, or have a sense of worth and purpose in the world. She can't talk to anyone about it, because her "Mind" has convinced her they don't care, because they haven't tried to contact her, and she would be bothering them if she tried to contact them. She's convinced they only tolerate her, but don't actually think she's a friend. Despite all evidences to the contrary.  

He's basically undid every piece of character development Mai's ever had. Then something Yami Marik didn't count on happens. Valon crosses paths with Mai. He's defeats her in a duel, the first person to do that since Yami Marik himself.  Valon could be trouble with his promises of giving her friendship and a sense of belonging.  However, there is something else  Valon promises to show Mai if she goes with him; true power. Valon says Dartz, the man he's working for has power, and that Power can belong to Mai.

Power? Now that has Yami Marik's interest. He's greedy. Sustaining himself off of Mai's misery is fine, but what he really needs is a boost of power. Something which might allow him to take a greater influence on Mai, maybe actually take control of her.  Mai's desperate anyways, and convinced she's weak.  Here Valon is offering friendship and power to over-come the nightmares and become a stronger person.   The idea sounds appealing to her, so she goes.

The minute she is given the power of the Orichalcos through Dartz, Yami Marik takes greater control, now boosted by the dark power of the Orichalcos. It's not the power of the Millennium items but it's a dark power that will do for now, until he can get his hands on a Millennium item.  It turns into an even better luck this power comes with a mission. Destroy Pegasus and Destroy the Pharaoh. (The Pharaoh is who Yami Marik is really after; destroying Pegasus is an added bonus.) Even better, if it's the Pharaoh we're after then Wheeler isn't going to be too far behind.

Joey must be eliminated.  Yami Marik has already started to convince Mai a lot of her problems stem from Joey in some form or another. He's a cause for her loneliness.  If Mai is ever going to be respected as a Duelist, and ever going to be happy ever again; she needs to get rid of him.

Though, the truth is a little more off than this. Joey is a threat. He's already shown amazing friendship, courage, and dedication to his friends and to Mai, risking his own life. Mai knows this and has come to accept this, and there is a piece of her still deep under all the shadows in her heart which remembers this. Basically, Joey had become to Mai what Odion was to Marik. A source of encouragement and a pillar of strength.  A threat to the control Yami Marik has over his host.  He must be eliminated.

I say Yami Marik has partial control over Mai, in the fact that frequently during her duel with Joey whenever she is explaining why she took a turn towards evil, she refers to herself in a third person;

"[....] the Mai you knew is gone, I traded in her soul for power. The old Mai was too lonely and pathetic, the girl was just holding me back. So I did what I had to. I sent her packing. Now my weak side is gone for good."

Oddly enough Mai, who is supposed to be the same person and hasn't spawned a "Dark" personality in spite of the Orichalcos, rather just changed personality to become tougher, refers to herself as her "weak-side", now---who else has called their other half their "weaker self?" Oh, right, Yami Marik.

On a side note: A lot Yami-Marik's dialouge in Mai's nightmares  mirror words which Yami Marik said when Marik (in Tea's Body) confronted him ontop of the Duel-Tower before the finals of the tournament took place. In the dream Yami Marik says to Mai:

"I told you you're weak, you don't belong in this world. So I'm banishing you into the shadows where you'll spend all eternity."

To Marik he said:

"I'm afraid you're too weak now. Marik, I'm the real you, and you're nothing but a small peice of my memory [...] Sorry Marik, but it's time for me to banish what's left of you into the Shadows where you belong."

He speaks to Mai in her Nightmare as if she is now the personality he has to contend with for control.

Anyhow. So now Mai is being controlled by Yami Marik through the power of the Orichalcos. He's only able to take control through the Orichalcos, but still has influences on  her personality outside of it.  So Mai sets out to accomplish the mission Yami Marik had initially started out to do before his defeat.

"but----wait. We see Yami Marik appear in that valley of the dead area with all the ghosts and shit. Like implying he's dead so what do you make of that?" Well, Weevil is there too and  he's not dead, he just doesn't have his soul anymore. Besides; like 99% of Yami Marik was destroyed, so yeah he's technically dead, even if  a peice of his soul/mind is hiding out inside of Mai.  I mean, they think he's dead too. So, yeah. (Also, the Paradox brothers are there….and we know they’re not dead.)

Whenever Mai is on her way to stop Valon and Joey from Dueling later in the episode. She does have a breif moment where she has a flare-up in the orichalcos controlling her, but it appears only after there is a breif image of Yami Marik appearing in her mind, as she declares she isn't going to go back to that place. 

However, Mai's good personality starts to fight back as she watches Valon and Joey fight, realizing both of them care for her as a friend. Something in her heart sparks at the memory of seeing Joey nearly bite the dust in the duel, and she starts to fight back against Yami Marik. She starts to fight for control, because now she sees what she was led to believe was wrong.

The moment Mai is unable to attack Joey in her duel against him, in order to win; Mai remembers everything between her and Joey. How he and his friends made her feel welcome and understand friendship for the first time on Duelist Kingdom. But most importantly, she remembers the unspoken words between them as she left at the end of Battle City, and Joey's message finally gets through to her. "I'll always be your friend."  With just that, Mai is able to over come Yami-Marik's influence, and the dark power of the Orichalcos which has also been messing with her mind.  With Yami-Marik having been feeding off the power of the Orichalcos, when the stone shatters, the last of his mind is gone. He is dead. She is free of her darkness. (Maybe? At the very least she cut off his power boost.)

Now Mai has realized the damage "she" has done; the fact Joey has lost his soul because of her, and she let herself be controlled by giving in to Dartz power. She has to make things right. She has to make it up to joey and Valon for all the shit they've had to go through because of her. It's time to try to face Dartz. .....and promptly get your soul stolen by Raphael.  (Dissappointing, and it all happens off screen too. It would have been cool to see Mai getting to use Hermos in a duel against Raphael. but oh well.)

The whole season ends and now Mai finds herself free of her darkness, and the influence of her past. Maybe some day, she can truely forgive herself for the horrible things she allowed to happen to her friends, but until that time comes she knows she has the support of her friends and they'll never forget about her and she'll never forget about them. 

I know it's not a perfect theory, but It's a fun theory to play with none the less, and might make for an interesting fanfiction.  Seriously, Go back and watch the Orichalcos arc and any of Mai's appearances in the season with the idea of Yami-Marik being present/controlling her  (A couple of Joey's lines and Mai's reactions become interesting, and the duel between Joey and Mai becomes a bit of an interesting paralell with Joey and Yami-Marik's duel. Joey being drained of energy and getting weaker as the duel wears on, and the duel being won due to the fact of Joey collapsing from exhaustion. Even Joey's reasons for dueling are the same. To save Mai.) --

Anyhow, I hope that you guys found this theory as interesting of an idea as I have and might want to do something with it. (I know I will probably be doing a few things with it...and have already started on a couple of projects involving the idea.)  I thought it'd be interesting to share, even if I let myself get a little carried away with the idea and explaining it.

Want to go back and watch Yugioh Duel Monsters from Episode one?  Buy the DVDs. Don't have that much money? The entire series is available to watch for free on Yugioh.com. (It's the 4Kids English Dub, for the original Duel Monsters so if you aren't a fan of it, I don't recommend you heading over there and watching it, but let the rest of us enjoy it okay?).

-- Until next time!

[awed-frog]

First Blood/Hissatsu

So, I’m fine. Yep.

[S9 gifs by @zerostumbleine33, here; S12 gifs by @subcas, here]

Again - I’m fine.

Really, the fact Cas is probably about to be swept away by a hellfire of pain and hurt doesn’t touch me in any way. I’m just peachy.

That said -  

Random favourite moments

Dean calling Cas, like, three times even if Cas wasn't picking up instead of trying Mary or Jody 

'Cas, what have you done?'

basically every time Cas was on screen

‘That is totally mentally normal’

how Mr Ketch looks at Cas like he wants to eat him up

the fact that Blue Steel pic is still out there

‘Dean told me to go’. 

I also loved that little ‘they talk, but they never tell you what you need’ exchange, not only because, in a happy moment of serendipity, it reminded those Trump supporters who watch the show that torture doesn’t work (and it is, unfortunately, a timely reminder), but also because of what it seemed to imply about the years Dean, and especially Sam, spent in Hell - my headcanon is that Lucifer didn’t want so much to break Sam as he wanted some form of devotion from him - recognition - love, even - and I’m sure Sam gave up at some point, and did say whatever; but, as this guy just told us, what you say under torture is never the truth, or even what you need to hear.

Honourable mention

“Do you know how many all-powerful beings have tried to kill them?”

“Roughly, yes.”

“As do I. I was bloody one of them.”

Personally, I’d say the theme of this episode was the best and most moving of all the Winchester themes - self-sacrifice - so this is how I looked at it and what I’ll mostly write about.

(For my take on Mary and the Destiel bits, scroll down.)

Now, I didn't see any clues, textual or subtextual, to make me suspect Dean wasn't sincere when he said he called Billie because a black-ops site was worse than Hell; on the other hand, Dean's general tendency is to lie, and I have been blessed with a truly staggering dose of common sense, so I'm going to headcanon my way around that one and say Dean was lying, because no way six weeks in that place were enough to break him in any way and the reason he called Billie was not that he couldn't bear it, but that he was worried sick about Sam and how Sam was dealing with being locked up (and he had reason to be - look at how Sam reacted when the door closed on him). Even if we haven't seen it all that much on screen (aaaaargh), Lucifer's return last year must have fucked up Sam's mind and sense of self pretty badly, and I'm sure there were telling signs Dean picked up on, even if, as Real Men, they probably didn't talk about it at all. So, yes, it’s true - Dean doesn't do alone, but he did endure years of torture which probably included isolation at some point, so this is not what he can't stand - what he can't stand, and his breaking point, is not knowing what is being done to his kid brother (keep in mind the last time Sam was kidnapped, only a few months back, someone had been peeling his skin right off by the time Dean had managed to find him, so, yeah) and whether Mary and Cas, not to mention all the other people he cares about, are being hunted down themselves, and killed off one by one. 

(On that note, I resented the usual doublespeak, because, keeping in mind their split audience, one half of it was probably overjoyed to hear US agencies are capable of cracking criminals faster than a hord of demons, while the other half - us - was happy to consider the whole thing as yet another wave of criticism to the current administration, and what the fuck? How can we see this show so differently? How does this work?)

So, well - calling Billie was not any kind of plan. It was suicide, or, rather, self-sacrifice to keep everyone else safe, which is why the title of this meta is hissatsu: that's what Japanese kamikaze pilots shouted before plunging to their deaths.

("Certain kill.")

What this episode showed very well is that, no matter how much they don't discuss it and ignore it and wait for it to go away, both Sam and Dean are still very, very fucked up. This Dean calling a nuclear strike on himself (because, who are we kidding, he was never going to let Sammy take the fall for this) is almost the same Dean whose instinct was to die for his brother back in season 2 - his self-esteem has gone up a notch since then, but apparently not enough (and why would it?). And the Sam who agrees with whatever crazy plan his older brother has cooked up, in full and complete knowledge of the even crazier terms of it, is the same little kid for whom Dean was the centre of the known universe and a permanent, crucial piece of it.

(I know we've been shown snippets of the Winchesters’ childhood where Sam was fighting with Dean, or openly defiant, but I still think those were exceptional circumstances. The standard behaviour for those kids when John was not around was to follow John's orders - 'You look after your brother, right, Dean? And Sammy - Dean is in charge. He tells you to jump, you ask how high' - simply because Dean was older and knew far more about the dangers of their world; and as for those times John was there - yeah. We've seen the way that dynamic worked.

Sigh.)

What neither of them was counting on, of course, is that they've got two other self-loathing kamikazes on their team: Mary, who reminds me more of John with every passing day, and Cas, who's so close to breaking point I am watching every single one of his scenes through my fingers.

Now, I like Mary as a character, but I am not sure if I'd get along with her. She still doesn't know how to act around Sam and Dean, and I don't blame her for that, but the way she is with Cas reveals one part of her personality I do not like at all, because Mary, from the very start, behaved like a military superior around Cas - something that was facilitated by the fact Cas is very good at following orders (or used to it, at any rate) and crippled by entire oceans of self-doubt. Like, when Mary ordered Cas to hurt that veterinarian, it legit made my skin crawl, not only because the situation was objectively skin-crawling, but mainly for how naturally that came to Mary - how she flawlessly slipped into a 'boss of a hunter family' persona we've seen a couple of times now - and those groups were held together not by love and respect, but by blind loyalty to a leader, whatever the cost or consequences.

(That's also how armies operate, of course. And cults. And, well - vampires and some other monsters.

And it's not normal.)

No, Mary never gave a chance to Cas back then, and she doesn't now - I'm not saying she's evil - she's got those moments where she's all soft and we can see she's a decent person who cares about others - but when push comes to shove, she leads her 'crew' the same way John was around his boys - with her eyes on the prize, not caring, or understanding, who or what she's destroying to get there. And since what she destroyed in First Blood was the last shred of Cas' self-esteem, I feel sort of personally attacked there. 

Because Cas - I am fed up that they write him and dumb and powerless when he's neither, and I don't believe for a moment that, in the hands of someone else, his mounting despair and self-doubt whould have been shorthanded as him having a panic attack around vampires - that was a bit lazy, Andrew. 

All the same, I get where he's coming from. Cas keeps failing at things, doesn't belong anywhere (I wonder who picked that image of a blue, open sky as his phone background - Sam, probably), and his genuine need to keep Sam and Dean safe is less and less an expression of his deep and honest love for them and more a symptom that he’s becoming a true Winchester - someone who can't accept death, ever, because every death is his fault, because he's useless and broken and if he'd done things differently everything would be okay - so, congrats - after years of lowkey trying, Cas has finally turned into Dean, and it's not a pretty sight. After billions of years of traumatic existence we know nothing about, it's taken Cas only eight to go from someone who accepts some things are out of his control and all we can do is our best to this person who's ready to tear it all down to save someone he loves, and his own life and the rest of the universe be damned. Cas is now a fully-fledged S2!Dean, and I think Billie's murder spells worse times ahead, because Billie was it, wasn't she? one of the last stabilizing forces in the universe, and Cas killed her, and he also breached a sacred contract - the consequences won't be pretty, at all.

Another point I feel sort of matters is that this episode continued to play the fascinating game of 'do they want to represent the Winchesters as incompetent or it’s just random'. Like, that forest scene - maybe it's just me, but if someone's after you and you cross a creek, aren't you supposed to cross diagonally so it'll be harder for your enemies to find you? 

And isn't it sort of a bad idea to bait a Super Villain on the radio, especially when you don't know exactly where he is? And did they truly expect the BMoL would leave those people alone? Really?

Also, why didn't Dean summon Crowley, instead of Billie? Because Crowley was looking for them - he admitted as much to Cas before pretending he didn't care at all, remember that? It was a beautiful, precious moment. Cas asked him to go through his contacts and Crowley snarkily said he'd already done that, cue my fond smile that could probably be heard from my apartment all the way down to the street. 

(Oh, Crowley.)

So, anyway, can't you summon a demon by drawing his specific runes in blood or apple juice or coleslaw or something? I seem to remember Sam and Dean summoning and trapping demons in that way before, and even summoning and trapping Crowley, so surely it's more of a phonecall than a generic shout into the demonic void? And it would have worked?

The reasons Dean never even thinks about doing that are all irrelevant to his actual story - ie, they have nothing to do with him and his personal feelings on the matter and everything to do with the narrative. Because not only they wanted to show Mary gives a damn and get Cas in trouble (again), but Crowley is no longer relevant as an 'oh no, I have to work with my sworn enemy and we hate each other and he will double-cross me and kill me at the first occasion and what will I ever do' villain -

- because come on, he's just not. I'm not saying he wouldn't be after some kind of compensation - hello, still a demon - but at this point, he's more of an ally than anything else, and that's why this role, which would have been his in earlier seasons, was filled by the BMoL instead - and they did a good job of it. I actually like those characters, I think the actors are doing a terrific job. Of course, as I said in earlier metas, I was hoping we'd avoid the usual 'Americans are fiercely independent rednecks | the British are sophisticated psychos' thing, but I suppose it's too good a trope to ever give up -

(*looks at the camera like she's in the office*) 

- and it sort of fit, because, as Cas said (yay!), American hunters are kind of rednecky.

As for Destiel - when Dean managed to talk to Cas, he told him they were on the clock, which we later understood to mean one of them was about to die, which means the reason Dean wanted Cas to hurry was not so he’d help them escape from the special ops guys, but so Dean could say goodbye to him. After all, he was the one dying - no question about that. And Sam’s reaction - that cautious ‘You didn’t tell him?’ - yeah. As I said, I’m fine. This episode was fine.

What was also fine was the way Dean looked at Cas, then away, when Billie appeared.

Also, that thing of them sitting in the car at the end gave me distinct ‘I’m lowkey hoping we can hold hands at some point and maybe fall asleep on each other' vibes because what the hell else was Dean doing in the back seat and when the hell has he ever been in the back seat of anything that wasn’t a police car, but maybe I’m wrong here - I may have been brainwashed by @grey2510‘s hiatus story, who even knows - fanon and canon are just empty words at this point. 

But the way Dean was looking at Cas didn't help.

Last two things -

Shout out for Mick for using that even when they come bearing gifts expression - that’s a verbatim translation of the Latin phrase et dona ferentes, from the Aeneid, and the point of that book is that Laocoön was right: gifts or no gifts, the Greeks were dangerous, so I can’t wait for Mr Ketch to build some kind of fake horse and kill everyone; and finally, I’m not American, but surely the timeline didn’t work? When Dean called Cas, it had to be early afternoon, and we know Billie showed up at midnight. Mary was somewhere in Missouri - that’s almost four hours away from the Bunker - and the Bunker is ten hours away from the Rocky Mountains?