#she starts to hit puberty and is no longer a cute little girl so she’s now ruined

[m4ndysk4nkovich]

it’s not a coincidence that season four, the season where debbie hits puberty, is the season where the fandom starts to gang up on her.

[pensat-i-fet]

Young love never lasts (Pedri x Reader)

**You know, sometimes I get requests and they sort of write themselves. This is one of those. Written in like two sittings and very cute, I think. A little childhood friends to lovers I was requested yesterday. Enjoy ❤️**

Word count: 4066

Masterlist

Wattpad

If there was something you were sure of, it was that you would never have a boyfriend. Or so you thought when you were 8.

Parents, grandparents, friends, …all obsessed over their theories of which kids could get married in the future because they looked so cute together. For you, there was only one option. And it was Pedri. You never liked playing with the boys because they were so mean to you, but Pedri wasn’t. At first, he didn’t want the other kids to see you together because they mocked him but over time, he stopped caring. He liked you, so they could think whatever they wanted about your friendship.

So everyone talked about what great friends you were and how adorable you looked together.

“Look at them holding hands”, giggled your mum one day. “Maybe they’re playing boyfriend and girlfriend”.

You weren’t. You were just walking over a pretty uneven area and held hands so you wouldn’t fall. But from that moment on, you never held Pedri’s hand again whenever someone was around.

Time made things easier. In high school, many of the mean kids were gone and no one cared about you two being friends. But your girlfriends teased you.

“Come on, he’s cute. You have to like him. You’re together all the time”.

“I don’t”, you would always say.

And you meant it. He was your friend. Your best friend. But that was it. Not that you liked any other boys but…you definitely didn’t like him.

For Pedri, it was a whole different story. He had always liked you as a friend and nothing else. But then puberty hit and he started to see you in a different light. His brother told him it was probably just the hormones. He would be attracted to every girl. But he wasn’t. He liked a few girls just because they were pretty but it was different when it came to you. He truly liked you. But he never told you about it for fear of scaring you.

He feared losing you if he told you about his feelings. But despite not telling you, he lost you anyway.

“Hey”, you greeted him one morning when you saw him outside of class.

“Hi. Where were you this morning? I was waiting for you and…”.

“I don’t think we should walk to school together anymore, Pedri”.

“Why?”

“I’ve kept a secret from you. I have a boyfriend. And I just don’t think I should spend as much time with you. Like, you’re just my friend but you’re a boy. What if that makes him uncomfortable?”

Pedri didn’t know what hurt more. It should be that you had a boyfriend. That you had finally shown interest in a boy and it wasn’t him. But that wasn’t the most painful part. It was that you wanted to stop hanging out with him. How could he cope with losing you completely?

It turned out he couldn’t. Everyone could see how sad he was, including you. The difference was that everyone else knew he was sad because you were dating someone who wasn’t Pedri. You just thought he missed you as a friend.

“Why are you so sad, darling?”, asked him his mum when she couldn’t wait any longer. She tried to give him space and allow him to talk to her when he felt ready but he wasn’t going to. And she couldn’t stand seeing her little boy looking so sad.

“Has your heart ever been broken?”

“Yes. When I was around your age. Why do you ask that?”

“Because I think mine is broken too”, he admitted, embarrassed.

“I heard about the boyfriend news…I’m so sorry, honey. But you’ll get over it. That’s teenage love. It feels like nothing you’ll ever feel will be able to match this intensity, but then you realise it was just an overreaction”.

“I don’t think it is…”.

No mother wants to see her children cry, so when Pedri’s tears started to fall, she hugged him tightly. “You say that now because it’s too raw. You’re feeling too much. But you’ll be fine soon. I promise. And I’m here to look after you, ok?”

“Ok”, he nodded. But he didn’t believe what his mum was saying.

Because it wasn’t true. The pain never truly left but it became easier to deal with it. And easier to hide it. Pedri kept waiting for the moment when you came back to him. Even if you still were dating that asshole, who was actually very nice and seemed to be making you very happy. But to Pedri, he was always going to be an asshole.

Still, he waited for you to try and be his friend again. But you never did. Not even when he got his big move to Barcelona. It seemed like the whole island was there to celebrate but you weren’t. You were away on a trip with your boyfriend and couldn’t say goodbye to your old friend before he left to try and make his dream come true.

“Who are you looking for?”, asked him his dad when he saw him looking around all the guests that had gathered there for his farewell party.

“No one. I was just trying to memorize how everything and everyone looks before leaving”.

“Well, you’ll be back. No need to be so dramatic”, laughed his dad before leaving Pedri there alone.

But he felt like being dramatic because you weren’t there. And he was afraid he was never going to see you again.

**

The years passed and so many of the things you thought you’d never do changed. Never having a boyfriend? Right. You definitely changed your opinion about that. After dating the same guy during your high school years, you broke up because uni life showed you maybe you weren’t as perfect for each other as you once thought. And after that, you dated a couple of guys casually. But always felt like that wasn’t you. You wanted what you had during high school. A serious committed relationship. But needed to find the right person for it.

You also said you would never cut your hair short after your mum forced you to do it every summer until you were 11 and refused to get a super short haircut every year. And you were never going to live in mainland Spain. You were an island girl, what were you supposed to do there?

Yet there you were, 20 years old and getting a gorgeous bob haircut, that everyone told you was incredibly flattering on you, right before moving to Barcelona. We all say a lot of things when we are kids and then do otherwise. It wasn’t just you.

"You've got to be kidding me".

Maybe you had a point about not living in mainland Spain. Ever since you landed in Barcelona, it had been disaster after disaster.

One of the wheels of your suitcase broke, so moving it around proved to be a bit tricky. And a lot painful. Your arm was going to be so sore the next day. Finding a taxi wasn't easy either because the drivers were on strike, so only a few of the ones parked at the airport were working.

And when you finally made it to the hotel you had to stay in until you found an apartment, you saw that it had been closed because some pipes broke and the rooms were inhabitable.

"What am I supposed to do?"

You sat down on a bench near the hotel and tried to think of what your next step should be. There was the company you were going to work for. They could maybe help you. They knew Barcelona better than you.

But first, you needed to find another taxi. A man told you where to go and on your way there, another suitcase wheel broke.

"Have I been cursed?"

Fernando, Pedri's brother, was walking near you and he turned to look at you when he heard the familiar accent from Canarias.

"Need any help?", he asked you and when you looked up, your eyes widened. "Hello?"

"Fernando?"

"How do you know my name…right, are you my brother's fan?"

"I wouldn't say I'm a fan", you chuckled. "You don't remember me?"

He stared at you for a couple of seconds. You looked familiar. Very familiar.

"Imagine me being this height", you said, pointing out how short you were when you were 12. "With longer hair and your brother by my side".

"No way…what are you doing here?"

"Living a nightmare, apparently", you sighed and Fer asked you to elaborate.

It felt good to just rant and have someone to talk to after such a horrible day.

"I mean, you could come stay with us".

"By us, you mean…".

"Yeah".

"I don't think he'd want me in his house. I hurt him a lot, Fernando. I just left him for a boy when he was my best friend. I noticed the way he glared at me a few times. I'm not welcome there. I'll just find another hotel but I appreciate the offer".

"Nonsense. We're all adults now. And I can't leave you alone in a city you barely know carrying that suitcase that's about to fall apart. Come with us. Pedri…he doesn't hate you. Believe me".

You nodded and followed him. It wasn't as if you had a lot of options. And a part of you couldn't believe you were going to see Pedri again. Moving to Barcelona, you hoped you could go see him at a match, maybe. But talking to him? No. That was not an option…until it was.

"Pepi!", screamed Fer when he opened the door to their house. "You're not going to believe what I found! Well, who I found".

"What are you talking about …".

Pedri stopped walking down the stairs to stare at you. And you stared back. No matter how many times you had seen him in photos and on the TV, nothing prepared you for how much he had changed. He was the same Pedri you knew but he was also not a 14-year-old boy anymore.

"Hi", you said, shily.

"How are you here?"

"How about we offer our guest a drink and we catch up?"

Both you and Pedri nodded and followed his brother to the kitchen, where they made you a cup of warm coffee you very much needed.

"Isn't Nacho here with you?"

That was the question Pedri had wanted to ask since he saw you.

"No, we broke up a while ago".

"Oh. Sorry", he lied.

"It's ok. Young love never lasts".

He tried to laugh when you did but didn't feel like it. Because his love for you was young love too and it very much lasted.

Pedri never forgot about you but what was the point of dwelling on those feelings when the only thing he achieved was hurting himself even more? So he pretended you didn't exist. But then he would think about anything that reminded him of you and the feelings came back immediately.

That was the case then but he believed it was justified since you were sitting in his kitchen, drinking from his favourite mug and talking to him. When was the last time that happened? Too long ago, that was when.

"So what are you going to do?"

"Well, Barcelona is big so I'll find another hotel and just stay there. I hope I get my money back from the other reservation I had but I'll worry about that tomorrow. I'm too tired".

"Stay here", he said, not allowing himself time to think about the pros or cons.

"You don't have to offer…".

"I know. But I want to. We're childhood friends, right?"

You nodded before looking away. "I'm sorry".

"For what?"

"Leaving you when I got a boyfriend".

Fer noticed what type of conversation was about to happen and so he excused himself and left the kitchen.

"It's ok…".

"No, it isn't. It wasn't. Nacho never asked me to do it, you know? He was never jealous or anything. I think in a way it pissed me off he wasn't? Like, aren't you worried when the whole island is obsessed with saying my best friend and I are secretly in love with each other? I always hated those bullshit rumours".

"Yeah. Same", he said, feeling his heart break again at the confession that you really never saw him as more than a friend.

"It's no excuse but I think that's what made me want to separate myself from you. People trying to push us together. If something had to happen, it should have been natural. Not forced, you know?"

He nodded. That made sense. He actually hated those comments too. They felt too invasive. And he noticed you moving away from him every time someone said something along those lines.

"Well, now I blamed everyone else for my mistakes, I'll say it again. I'm sorry I hurt you".

"Thank you for apologizing. It was actually really hard to go through that. I guess I was just young and overreacting", he tried to joke, remembering his mum's words.

You smiled at him and that was confirmation that his feelings for you were still the same.

"I thought about talking to you again so many times. Nacho even told me to. But I just knew you hated me…".

"I didn't hate you", how could you think that?

"I saw the way you looked at me. There was hatred in your eyes and it hurt because I never thought you capable of such feelings but…I deserved it. It's fine".

"I didn't hate you", he repeated. "I was probably just trying not to look too sad around you and God knows what my face looked like then. Everyone always told me about how sad I looked because you left me and I hated it. I wanted to look tough. I see it worked wonders".

You laughed and also felt relieved. No matter how much you thought you deserved to be hated by Pedri. You didn't want him to hate you.

"Right", he said, clearing his throat and getting up. "Now you know I don't hate you, let me take you to the guest room".

"You sure?"

"You still didn't tell me why you're here so I'll keep you around until we fully catch up at least", he joked.

When you finished your coffee, you followed him to the room.

"This house is bigger than your parents', huh? Well, the one we used to go to. I know they have a bigger one now. It's a bit sad. So many good memories of the old one".

"I know", Pedri was happy to be able to provide his parents with everything they could ask for and then some. But he missed their old house. Partly because of all the memories you two made there.

"But this one is nice too. Different but…I guess you've changed".

"So have you. The hair?"

That made you chuckle. "I wanted a dramatic change and I just did this. I don't know. I didn't think much about it. Hair grows back".

"It looks good on you".

"Thank you. You look great too".

That made Pedri pause. You had never spoken about him in that way. Back when you were still friends, you were still team "boys are disgusting". So he didn't know how to take the compliment.

"Thanks. I…I haven't really done much lately because of the injury. I need to shave and…".

"Don't. I mean, facial hair looks great on you. You should keep it".

He nodded, silently planning on throwing away every shaving product he had in the house.

It was crazy how, even after six years of not speaking to each other, you could go back to feeling so comfortable in each other's presence so quickly.

"I'll find some sheets for the bed. I can help you make it".

"That'd be great".

"So, what kind of job did you get here?", asked Pedri while passing you some of the bed sheets.

"It's a tech company. It's supposed to be one of the best in the country so it's very exciting".

"You work at the best company while I play for the best team".

"Debatable. But we're not going to argue about football now. I'm too tired".

You rolled your shoulders and touched the right one, trying to massage it a bit to get rid of the pain.

"You alright?"

"Yeah. It was just the travelling and then the suitcase", you laughed. "The wheels are supposed to be there to help us carry the weight so when they break…".

"There's a bath in this room. Why don't you take one and then I can find one of the creams I use for muscular pain. They help a lot".

"That sounds amazing. Thank you".

"Actually, go run the bath. I'll finish making the bed".

You both had moved to put the sheet in place and were now standing next to each other. When Pedri moved back to get one of the blankets, you grabbed his arm to stop him.

"You don't have to. It doesn't hurt that much".

"It's fine".

He didn't know how to react to you touching him after all these years. And the thing was, you didn't know how to react either. Why did it feel so different than it had back when you were children? Was it because of how much time had passed? It was probably that.

Not wanting to overthink too much after such a weird day, you went to the bathroom to get everything ready for the bath. The warm water soothed your muscles and relaxed you so much, that it was hard to stay awake. But you also didn't want to stay there for too long since you were just a guest. And not even one that had been properly invited.

Searching your suitcase for something comfy to wear, you found a pair of shorts and a matching top and just put it on before going down the stairs.

"Guys? Where are you?"

"Here!", said Pedri, coming out of the living room so you could see him. "Feeling better?"

"So much better", you smiled.

"I have the cream if you want to put some on now".

You joined Pedri in his living room and took the cream from his hand. It said on the box that you had to apply a small amount and massage it into the skin. So you put some product on the tip of your fingers and started to do that but…it was really uncomfortable.

"Dinner will be ready in 10", said Fer. "Do you need help with that?"

"Maybe", you admitted.

"Fer can do it", said Pedri quickly, “he helps me when I can't reach the injured area".

"My hands are dirty from cooking, sorry. You do it".

Pedri shook his head seeing his brother run away back to the kitchen. He could be so obvious sometimes.

"Can you do it, please?"

He nodded and you turned so your back was to him. There was already cream on your shoulder but he took a bit more and started to apply it. "Where does it hurt the most?"

You took his hand and moved it to the area that needed the massage the most. And Pedri kept massaging your skin, even if it was so hard to be this close to you and a simple shoulder massage felt so intimate somehow. But he just thought about how it meant literally nothing to you and it helped. A bit.

However, he was wrong. Because you were once again overthinking why his touch was affecting you so much. The cream was supposed to numb the area to help with the pain. But you also felt your brain was numb because you couldn't process anything that was going on.

"Thank you", you told him, turning your head to see him but he only looked away.

"No problem. Let's go eat. You must be starving".

Fer was also there during dinner, and Pedri used him as a shield almost. For his feelings. And you…you really understood how much you must have hurt him all those years ago. Because seeing him ignore you at times, it was really painful. Not that you could complain but still.

When you woke up the next morning, you found Fer having breakfast alone.

"Is Pedri still sleeping?"

"No, he had to leave early for training".

"Oh, right. Um…I got a message from my hotel. They're moving us to another one while everything is repaired so I'll go there later. I kind of hoped I could say goodbye to Pedri and thank him for letting me stay here".

"Who says you can't? You'll be living in the same city. You know where he lives…there is time to thank him and to talk. To be friends again, maybe?"

That idea had been in your head all night. You barely slept and just kept overthinking.

"I don't think he wants to be my friend".

"No, he always wanted to be more than your friend. Probably still does".

"What?"

You had heard the comments. Of course, you had. But why pay them any attention? You had your boyfriend and were living your life away from Pedri's. Who cared if it was true he had feelings for you?

Now, however, you did care.

"Do you want me to be honest with you?"

You nodded. "Of course".

"If you're just going to play with his feelings and hurt him again, then leave and don't come back. But I noticed the way you looked at him yesterday. And having you back in his life would mean everything to my brother".

"I never liked him like that…".

"But?"

"But maybe I do now?"

Fer smiled, happy to see he had read the situation well. "Then give it a try. What's the worst that could happen?"

"I hurt him again?"

"That's a risk we take with all relationships. It shouldn't be the reason why you don't do it".

Pedri had also been overthinking your unexpected return to his life. That's why he left earlier than he should in the morning. He couldn't face you even if that made him a coward. He needed time.

His brother texted him saying you had a hotel to go to and that you'd be gone by lunchtime. And that he'd have dinner ready for when Pedri came back from some photoshoots he had to do for sponsors.

"Fer?", he called when he got back home. But got no answer. "Ok".

Pedri walked to the dining room, seeing that the lights were on. But he didn't find his brother there, he found you.

"I thought you had left".

"Do you want me to leave?"

"No".

You finally smiled. This was so nerve-wracking. "Fer made some dinner for us. So we can talk. Sit down, it'll get cold".

Pedri sat down and put some food on his plate, seeing you do the same. "Talk about what?"

"Us".

Such a small word that was. Us. But what did it mean in this context?

"I already, sort of, tried to explain the lame reasons why I pushed you away once. I don't want that to happen again. But would understand if you wanted me gone".

"I don't", he said quickly. "I didn't back then. And I don't now".

"Good", you smiled at him, making him smile too. "Also, our parents, grandparents, neighbours, etc might have been right"

"In which way?"

"Maybe it was just a matter of time before we realised we liked each other".

Pedri was so shocked by your admission, he knocked the glass with his elbow and spilled all the water on the table and the floor.

"Crap! Sorry!"

You bit your lip so you wouldn't laugh at his clumsiness and got up to help him.

"I got it", he said, putting more paper cloth on top of the water to absorb it and making a mess.

"Do it like this", you told him, putting your hand on his and moving it to clean the table properly. "You always needed me to hold your hand. How did you cope these past years?"

"I didn't".

"Well, that's about to change. If you want it to change".

"I do", he said, sealing the promise with the kiss he had dreamed about for a decade. 

[wormswurld]

hii!! do you have any headcanons/thoughts/woteva about transfem felix? also your blog is incredible, peace and love <3

of course i have thoughts about transfem! fem + thank you so much for liking my blog!!!! you’re so kind,, peace & love sent your way as well 💕🌟

- has always felt dysphoric about her height since she’s so tall and she’s always been the tallest person in her class though once college started she kinda just accepted her height& how it won’t change lol

- first started realizing signs of her feeling “different” from all the other boys in her class when she would gravitate towards hanging out with the girls in her classes, playing with different toys (literally throwing temper tantrums if she didn’t have the same toys / ability to play dress up with venetia), etc

- dysphoria really started hitting when puberty & middle school started…was always popular and thought to be a “ladies man” by his peers and teachers even though she would only hangout with girls / talk to them about typical “girly things” + having small little crushes on boys she would keep to herself

- venetia was the first person she came out to!! they’ve been close since birth so it was kinda impossible not to tell her,, probably told her after coming home from school (first time she was ever ridiculed for being “too feminine” or a “fairy” etc) and of course venetia listened and comforted her like a good sister would + she always wanted a sister anyway

- as time progresses felix starts growing out her hair a little longer, not thing too long, but shoulder length so she could start tucking hair behind her hair + wear headbands whenever it got too hot outside (no one in her inner circle really questioned it that much, of course there were some bad people though venetia taught felix to really start standing up for herself not letting “those” comments get to her”

- sometimes when it’s late at night (during the summer before meeting ollie) felix sneaks off to venetia’s room where she can snoop around and play with her makeup and clothes,, of course the clothes don’t really fit properly but being able to see herself in something she truly feels more comfortable in helps a lot

- starts to go out shopping with elspeth for more flowy linen shirts, maybe even snagging some from the women’s section to try things out in the name of “fashion” and of course elspeth is fine with it, she was a “fashionista” back in her day, and would ultimately kill felix if she dressed in anything “ill-fitting / drab” (aka no poor people clothes LOL) also felix’s gender isn’t really questioned by his parents all too much?? elspeth knew felix was always different but never felt any sort of way once she started noticing her “son” isn’t really her “son” if you know what i mean

- also (if this wasn’t obvious) felix is fine with her birth name! she doesn’t really get dysphoric from it, only ever really feeling insecure about her body hair & muscles (but i mean the people around her aren’t really complaining about how nice her body looks so she’s kinda okay with it,, she is felix catton after all lmao biggest attention whore of all time)

- manages to dress femininely without being “clocked” for being trans if that makes sense?? like ever since venetia helped her with standing up for herself she doesn’t really take shit from anyone plus no one can really say anything about her because of her status.. for example flowy women’s shirts, button ups etc are always in rotation in her wardrobe same with baggy pants because she really couldn’t be bothered lol though dressing up for dinner is quite literally the bane of her existence

- when first meeting ollie she is essentially head over heels (converse lol) because how could she not be? like ollie is the perfect example of a “save me” “my life is so tragic” story felix essentially gets off on it + she finds him extremely cute

- big jump to when it’s the summer of saltburn and the two are extremely close ollie discloses how he’s trans and felix feels so comforted!! because finally! FINALLY! she’s met someone else who is like her and really can understand what it’s like (to an extent since she’s more of a social butterfly than ollie is)

- cue felix properly trying on a well fitting dress in front of ollie for a party that’s being hosted at saltburn (i don’t know the theme though i know i want to see felix in a dress experiencing the biggest gender euphoria moment known to man) and she is just over the moon!!!!! her and ollie probably sneak off somewhere (even though everyone wants to be with felix) to talk more abt their experiences with gender, getting drunk, and ultimately making out against some wall of some kind)

- loves the way how ollie makes her feel when they are making out,, just treating her so gently yet not feeling scared to take control and hold onto felix’s waist & bite her lip and she’s never EVER had an encounter like this with someone else so being able to share it with ollie is just so special…ollie probably slots his leg between felix’s as they grind on each other making the most delicious sounds everrrrrrrrrr

I LOVE T4T CATTONQUICK !!!!!!!!! TRANS LOVE FOR THE WIN! 😵‍💫⚧️

[sansxfuckyou]

i wish i had the instruction book (maybe it'd make sense)

Summary: Wherein Uzomi Karashi can't figure out if she's doing the whole being a lesbian thing right

Warnings: identity crisis, check Ao3 port for full tags

Authors Note: I had a moment and wrote this, she's the lesbian ever so I decided I should project on her just a little bit. @sobredunia I put your home brewed gay in situations, again, with a little bit of uzomi/mastermind propaganda. Hope ya'll enjoyed, and if you did consider leaving a reblog

Since Uzomi Karashi was young she knew she didn't fit in, maybe it was her home life, maybe it was her hair. She just knew she was different, but not in the good way. Everyone kept gushing about all the boys even when she was in grade school, albeit, they were puppy crushes before they hit age eleven.

And then they were pushed from a safe place like elementary school into the worlds most caustic environment: middle school. A bubbling pot of kids entering puberty and addled with confusion over why everything is so different now. Why am I waking up so tired? Why am I bleeding? Why do my shirts not fit anymore? Why does she look so pretty? Why does he look so unattractive?

That's not right.

Why does she look so pretty, and how come he looks… Cute, is what Uzomi told herself. Yeah, cute, he looks cute. She'll lie to herself and her friends and say she has a crush on some random asshole even though she knows that whatever feeling is brewing in her gut is not love. Not even close.

She's twelve, she's twelve and soon to turn thirteen when her friend who binds brings her into the queer room, he promises her free pizza and she says that's why she's coming. To give him some support and have a slice of pepperoni. To say her eyes are blown wide open would be an understatement, the sheer amount of people (no more than fifteen) made her heart flutter. And she knew a lot of them weren't like her, hell, she didn't even know what was like her at the time.

She was still too wrapped up in her own lie of having a crush on the cutest boy in class to figure it out. She just said she was questioning and hoped no one thought she was there just to have pizza. She barely figured out what was going on inside of her head until she transferred schools and got a 'fresh start' of sorts. That rough transfer between schools gave her almost two years of time to disconnect from her friends, and her life, and her family.

Am I doing this right?

It was just her and her brother running across the country, ambitious, unheard of, odd. She was fourteen with math books and a notepad, he was seventeen with a car he stole from their parents. She didn't get to go back to school and be normal until she was in grade ten, and by then she already had plenty of notebooks full of questions she couldn't answer. Even her brother couldn't answer them. She just wanted to know what was wrong with her.

Running across the beach in the evenings with whoever was there (it was girls, she always remembered the girls and how beautiful they looked in the orange glow of the sunset). Eating out at fast food restaurants and maybe she stared a little bit too long at the waitress, but the outfits shouldn't be so skimpy. Her brother letting her use his old laptop, full of cartoons she was no longer the demographic of by two years (she thought about Marceline a lot, she thought about how she was with Bubblegum).

Uzomi's quiet when she returns to school, soon to turn fifteen, she doesn't remember how to socialize, she doesn't remember the structural rules of how to act. She wears black, her hair is black, her mom said it complimented her eyes and she holds the notion relatively close to heart. She keeps her headphones on so loud she's almost afraid other people can hear what she's listening too, and she pulls her backpack tight like it's a protective shell.

She's a people watcher these days, sitting in the window sill on top of the stair case and overlooking her schoolmates as she eats lunch. But eventually the other kids come to her spots, a couple girls just do stretches while she's sitting in the sill and she forces herself not to stare. Why they decided to do so is beyond her, how it makes her skin burn and her face heat up answers some questions partially. It must be a fluke though, everyone gets a bit restless when a bunch of hot (they were average) girls stretch near them.

She's not a lesbian, she's bisexual. She can't be lesbian, well, she can, but she doesn't know why it wouldn't have made itself clearer before she turned fifteen. Why would it not come to punch her in the gut while she was in the heat of her confusion instead of now, while she's finally coming down from the confusion.

Am I doing this right?

She sits at the bottom of the staircase now, where no one will ever bother her again. Where no one will ever make her question herself again, sitting in a broken chair beside abandoned tables. She loiters at the bus stop, hers takes a while to get there, the second last one too arrive at that. It's always on time in being the second last one there, never late, and sometimes early at that.

Her plans on never being thrust into confusion again is abruptly destroyed when the mechanics club ends before her bus arrives and the group of blossoming mechanics walks out. They're laughing and she turns her head to see why they're making such a ruckus and she instantly regrets it. Her freshman ass is not ready for whats she sees.

They aren't wearing jackets even though it's cold out, their hair is tied back messy, white t-shirts and tank tops sweat through and with oil splotches. Her stomach turns and she wants to run before they notice she's staring at them, the girls, she's staring at the girls. She later comes to dub this as the final test of what her sexuality could be, because she no longer knows what could be better than mechanics fresh out of work. The guys aren't appealing in the slightest, fuck no, not when the gals are right there.

Laughing, grinning, jackets tied around their waists, steel toe snow boots- they're perfect. January snow comes to her face and she can feel them melt under the heat of the blush on her cheeks. Her heart slams so very rapidly in her chest when one of them walks up to her and asks if a bus has arrived and all she can do is choke out a weak 'no.'

Am I doing this right?

She decides she needs to dye her hair when she gets home that night, blue, a chunk up front goes blue. A nice shade of blue, not too vibrant or too dark, one that matches her eyes. Why she does so again is beyond her, she just knows it's the next logical step somewhere in her gut.

She's gay, she's lesbian, she's queer, she's a dyke, and you know what? That's fine. She buys herself a button and she wears it too school every single day and no one fucking notices. No one asks her, no one else finds her. She wonders if she's the only one which she knows is asinine but it feels like there isn't anyone else like her because she doesn't know where to look. She doesn't know if she looks like she's gay, she doesn't know what gay people even look like anymore.

She can't recognize the signs, she can't look for the subtle things because she never learned them. Fashion is stupid, she can't tell baby butch from t-boy in her freshman year and she's glad it gets a little bit easier to tell the difference as she goes. She steals her brothers jacket which is just a little bit too short and hopes that lets people know.

Uzomi scraps the button in grade eleven, fuck 'em, if they want to know they can pick up her hints themselves. She doesn't even know if she's giving the right hints, but she does know she's building confidence. She even has a friend that's a girl, not a girlfriend, she's straight anyways. She still got Uzomi something 'inherently romantic' much earlier in the year for her birthday, probably a joke. They sit in the stair wells together and laugh about whatever gossip her friend has found in bio eleven and drama class. She just tries to beat down whatever feelings could possibly be boiling up in her.

Am I doing this right?

At least she's in mechanics club now, she was barred from it in her first year but since that bus stop incident she's been enthralled with it. She bought books and tools to work over the summer, to try and make sense of it; the pieces of the puzzle came to her naturally. This piece goes here, unscrew those in a specific order, engines work like this, oil and gas are both important. She's very quiet in mechanics club, those same girls from last year are still there. Somehow they've only managed to get even prettier since then, even a welding mask and coveralls accentuate their features.

They're in grade twelve, they're rebuilding a car engine as a group, Uzomi is not. She's working on smaller things, taking apart and rebuilding broken and working things. She does help the older girls though, brings them tools and takes note as they work. She swears she dies inside when the teacher assigns her to work on the car because of how good she is at working on engines.

She passes them wrenches and spark plugs, even gets to tug one out by the ankles when they get stuck underneath a car. She's glad her hair is long enough to hide her face when they're breathing down her neck and leaning over her shoulder giving gentle critique. That relief goes away when her hair is almost lost to the machine, thankfully it isn't, but after that her hair was required to be tied up. One of the girls did it up for her, fingers brushing along her neck making her burn like fire because despite knowing it wasn't anything she wanted it to be, she chose to believe.

Her first kiss was before grade eleven but it doesn't count when she can say she got her first kiss from the most beautiful girl she's ever met instead. Leaning against the hood of the car, joking about and passing a bottle of water back and forth. The casualness of it all felt surreal even when a hand grasped her own which jolted her back to reality. There's a brief pause and then she's being kissed but that's even briefer. She's told it's a birthday present, she's seventeen now, she should've kissed a girl years ago she realizes as she stands alone with a water bottle in hand.

Am I doing this right?

None of that really matters now, not when she barely remembers any of it. She just knows that she's somewhere very purple in a room full of dismantled machinery and the occasional person. She doesn't even know what she's supposed to be doing, she just starts excavating amongst the rubble.

She finds people which is rather odd, you don't usually find people in piles of mechanical garbage. She hauls out a red one, spiky hair, sharp teeth, seems like an asshole and he won't say his name. She hauls out someone in brown, a trench coat, purple rimmed glasses, again, seems like an asshole, also a guy. She's starting to find a pattern in guys, except for her brother, she's missing her jacket.

She pulls out her jacket and the pockets are heavy, she tosses out the items only for them to be scavenged by the guys. They meander around the purple room, they don't even help her pull out a small kid in reds with purple hair. Thankfully, the kid helps her retrieve one more person from the rubble, a girl in yellow and white.

She's confused, she's scared, and Uzomi shares her name and tries to explain things before the yellow girl is on her way. She keeps going through the rubble, just in case someone else is trapped inside. One final person is retrieved, a boy with dual tone hair, he can't move his legs. She builds him a wheel chair, although build is a loose term, she mixes a bunch of parts together and hopes for the best.

Then she joins the rest of them, wheeling along the boy as she goes. Two more people are there, and a green screen is in the midst of it all, a person is on screen. Her grip on the wheel chair handles tighten just a bit as she stares at the fox masked mystery.

She tries to quip and joke, she really does, but she has a hard time being on point with it all as she stares at the gal. Then she speaks, and no one else is talking, voice clear in the confused silence and Uzomi wants to die. She feels like she's in tenth grade all over again at the bus stop, it gets worse when the yellow girl talks in response. Confusion coils deep in her stomach and her chest and she can't really bring herself to say much of anything even when the green screen drops down.

One question lingers on her mind with the flood of her memories, her worst memories. The turbulent and confusing ones, the ones she's glad she had forgotten because if she didn't know she was blissfully ignorant and just gay. Now she remembers and she can't shake the question that she never wanted to enter her mind again:

Am I doing this right?

[2littlecats]

the female experience of going through a phase of being a transman to escape the experiences of seeing men's feelings and concerned taken seriously when you're just asked if your period started/brushed off, going to a doctor with serious concerns and being told that you don't have adhd/autism/whatever else disorder diagnosis is given to men who have it on a silver platter and that you just have [insert mood disorder like bipolar or depression here or told "it's just trauma"] because you're an overemotional female and only men get Serious Disorders like that so you get to struggle undiagnosed longer, having everyone comment on your new boobs once you hit puberty and the endless comments on how you're a woman now and your tits are getting soo big even though you're 12 and want to still play with your toys and game and enjoy childhood innocence but everyone won't stop commenting on your body growing so you try to hide it to stop the sexualization of a little girls body, your father treating you weird after you become a teen and he starts making comments on your new body that make you uncomfortable and you can't yet explain why, grown men staring you down and making sexual comments about your 12 year old body, 30 year old men on the internet finding out you're an underaged girl so they start trying to groom you and tell you about how they want to take your virginity and rape you and use you for breeding, becoming interested in a hobby that happens to be male dominated and having people never take you seriously and ask you if you're doing it to try and impress a guy, accuse you of thinking you're special for liking it when you never thought you were and you just wanted to enjoy the hobby, every guy in said hobby either hating you for "invading" his sausage fest playground or trying to fuck you for being a Walking Hole who Likes Thing I Do and he's Never Met A Girl Like You Before because he doesnt talk to women in general or consider them humans with interests only holes waiting for Him. you knowing a girl or being the girl that was raped and everyone tells you shes a liar and a slut and nothing ever happens to him because anything bad a Male is accused of is a horrible life ruining false accusation even though no one cares and defends him always, your anger being seen as cute and fiesty or annoying. never feared or taken seriously like men's. never taken seriously like a man. you seek comfort from your mother and she essentially tells you welcome to the real world.

[tokusmuts]

Double A (Ayaka x Asakura)

Characters: Hidden male character x Imoto Ayaka x Yui Asakura

Category: Oneshot, Anal Sex, Threesome

P/s: This is my first story so really hope you guys will enjoy it

“1…2…3! Take a shot!"

Ayaka and Asakura - my two new wives are having a trip together, generally going around all kinds of places, and in each place, they take a few pictures to save, or send to me. must have a craving. It was also from the same intention that the two of them not only took pictures wearing clothes, but also had to take some pictures with only underwear so that passers-by would only think that they were taking pictures of Gravure, but the group took pictures. They couldn't go together, so they had to take pictures of each other. That morning, the photographer was Yui, and the model was Imoto, and the scene was a road near the seaport. I was lying at home enjoying a glass of watermelon juice when the phone rang for the first time, Yui sent me 2 photos of Ayaka in a pink and purple 2-piece bikini that accentuated her well-proportioned body, while she is still 18 years old. Although her breasts may be small but still fit to squeeze, the proportionate waist combined with the full lower body is suitable to bury my face between her legs to suck her wet cunt or put my dick in her butt to play Doggy style. The two girls then had a delicious lunch at the seaport before continuing their journey in the afternoon, and at sunset, they stopped at a grassland to take pictures. The model this time is Yui, and the photographer is Imoto. As soon as the photo was taken, my SMS popped up with a continuous notification with 4 photos in a row. Admittedly, Ayaka took really good photos by the color of the sunset perspective, but who cares about those things when the main subject of the picture is the hot girl Yui Asakura. Indeed, when a girl reaches the age of 25, everything seems to be developed to the maximum. She may not have a good height, but her voluptuous body is something that no rich man does not want: A cute face like a child but with round, smooth breasts, waistline Slim and quality lower body, you want to eat her wherever you look.

7.00 P.M

The two girls with armpits carried a bunch of gifts bought from the seaport, loaded them with two huge paper bags, and were still laughing and talking about all kinds of things when the smell of food hit them directly. Anyway, I still have to feed the two girls before they can be strong enough to fight all night. Of course, Ayaka was still going through puberty, so she excitedly ran to the dining table and started talking to me first, while Asakura was slower to put two bags of souvenirs in the closet before going back to dinner. While Ayaka was eating while talking about today's outing bit by bit, Asakura just added a few details to Ayaka's story and focused on the meal, but still didn't forget to ask me one question:

"Do the two of us look pretty today?"

“Isn't that enough for the two of you to be praised now?”

“Well, we still want to hear more!” - 2 of them replied in unison

"Pretty! OK?"

"Thanks, honey!"

Actually, from this morning until now, with the number of photos sent by the two girls, it is enough for me to masturbate to reduce cravings. But anyway, eating real food is better than looking at some pictures and imagining sex. But when I was still thinking about it, the two wives had already finished their meal. I advocate eating a little more to recharge so that I can make love later, so eat longer and let the two girls have a little time to relax, start the Elder Ring game sound from the living room, and so I have more time to rest. And when I was making milk for the two of them, Yui suddenly got up, she took her bag and went out but still didn't forget to tell me first.

"I'll go out and buy more tissues! The house is out of paper!"

"OK! Be sure to come back soon!"

So Ayaka and I will drink milk first, and also help her deal with Margit the Fell Omen. I didn't have any difficulty and easily defeated her making her frown even in displeasure

“You should have come out to help us sooner!”

“If the two of you can win on your own, then the victory will have meaning!”

"True! Anyway, let's go to the room and help me change clothes!"

“OK”

You must be wondering why I was able to get in with Ayaka to help her change clothes, right? The reason is very simple: I have to make love to my wives every day for at least 2-3 times a night, each other's bodies can see it all, so there's nothing to be afraid of anymore, right? Back in the bedroom, Ayaka took off her dress and let it fall to the ground until now I could see her body in flesh, not through pictures, she then put the dress in the washing machine so that tonight, all three people's clothes will be washed in one batch. She kept working and forgot that I was behind her and couldn't stand it anymore

“Can you go to the wardrobe to get me…Ah!”

Before she could finish her sentence, she was stopped by my arms hugging her from behind. She immediately noticed that I was starting to get hungry, so she also started interacting with me

"Honey, can't you take it anymore?"

"It's strange that I can stand seeing you like this!"

“But Yui-san hasn't come back yet! Do you need to wait?”

"No need! Soon, Yui will join the fray!”

After that was when I picked up Ayaka and threw her straight on the big bed, she lay there and started making erotic acts and inviting me to bed while I went to get a towel to tie her hand. I spread her arms over the headboard and tied them with the towel I found. After we finished our work, she and I started with a light French kiss, I must say that her lips are still really attractive even though I have tasted them many times, but I can't just only kiss her lips, right? And so my hand was warmed up by stroking the outside of her panties causing her whole body to contort non-stop, her thighs were constantly rubbing together making my hands stick even more tightly to her panties. After fully enjoying her lips, I once again looked at her entire body.

"So do you want to eat me now?" - she started flirting with me again

"Why not?"

I leaned down again and kissed her on the lips again before lifting her bra, which slid over her arms until it stopped at her eye level. Right! I used her bra to cover her eyes. And now that her breasts are liberated, but I can't yet rush in and suck those pinkish-red nipples even though they're all standing up, I still want her emotions to rise even more. And so now the other hand has also begun to work when its job is to play with her nipples, they are massaged so passionately that she let out heavy groans.

“Please…quickly suck my nipples, honey! Don't just play with them like that!"

Sure enough, her lust was on the rise, and I couldn't wait any longer and started sucking on her nipples. The sweetness of her nipples filled my mouth, my tongue kicking around it and sucking and pulling it up again. While I was massaging her nipples, her panties were all wet!

"Why is my wife's cunt all wet?"

"Because it wants to be cleaned by you, my dear!"

"Then I have to help my beloved wife!"

I moved away from her breasts and then go straight down between her legs, I slowly took off her panties and tossed it to the corner of the room. With this wetness, I didn't need to stimulate her any further so I immediately went up to her cunt and started licking all the sexual aftertaste on it and then used my tongue to straight into her ass. As a natural reflex, she clamped her legs together again, which also pressed my head more tightly between hers.

"That's right! Come on, honey! Kimochi!”

At the same time, Asakura also arrived home. The moment she opened the door was also when Ayaka's high-pitched moans were released and resounded, causing Asakura to rush inside and close the door. Looking towards the bedroom, she didn't know what else to say

"This girl doesn't know what to mean!"

This is also because this house has been warned several times by the orderly side of the street for causing disorder in the area. But even saying that she still couldn't stay out of the game. She threw the tissue bag and her long dress on the sofa, then slowly entered the room, taking off her yellow underwear but still not forgetting the sign

“You two played again without inviting me! It won't be okay for me to have to come in later like this!"

I was leaning over Ayaka's cunt but I had to look up and turn my head to see Asakura now completely naked. She slowly made her way to the bed and lay beside Ayaka, then took the blindfold that was supposed to be used to blindfold Ayaka.

"Eat me too, honey!" - Asakura said with her usual sweet voice

How could I refuse an offer like this, I took off my clothes, put my already hard cock inside Ayaka's cunt, and started to push her hard, Ayaka held my waist by her legs while my hands began to move to massage Asakura's body, one hand stabbing her crotch, the other hand squeezing her breasts hard, and my lips stuck to hers, I kissed her lips passionately even though Ayaka was still moaning louder and louder. My thrusts on Ayaka made her uncontrollable

“Come on, husband! I'm going to cum!" - said Ayaka when she was about to reach orgasm

"Me too, Ayaka" - I said while still engrossed in kissing Asakura

The speed of the thrusts showed no sign of slowing down but increasing, but I couldn't forget Asakura either. After enjoying her wonderful heart-shaped lips, I lifted her a little bit and her breasts were now level with mine, I opened my mouth without hesitation and took her breasts in my mouth. Sure enough, big breasts like Asakura made people want to suck more than Ayaka, but when it comes to the lower part, it's on par. Speaking of the clitoris, we need to back with Ayaka, she's already very close to orgasm, just a few more thrusts, and both she and I will reach orgasm.

“I'm cumming! I'm cumming! Come on, honey!"

And then whatever happened had to happen. After a final shout from her, I fired a full load inside her. Ayaka lay there gasping for breath while I moved my dick to Asakura's cunt.

"Next one!" - I said with a tone that couldn't be more satisfying

I leaned over Ayaka and brought Asakura's chest close to Ayaka's mouth. Ayaka was just waiting for that and immediately took Asakura's nipple into her mouth. And so while I was nudging Asakura's cunt, Ayaka and I each sucked on one of Asakura's breasts, and my hands kept pulling out and poking at Ayaka's cunt. This time the moaning duty was left to Asakura and she didn't let me down. Asakura's already-sweet voice when used for moaning has indeed increased by several times.

"I'm so happy, honey! Much more!”

And then similar to Ayaka, the more I pushed, the louder Asakura groaned, and in the end, she reached her climax. You would think that repeatedly fucking two girls will make me tired and can't continue, right? That's a very wrong thought because a normal day is 2-3 rounds, isn't it just 1 round like this today? And so I flipped them over and gave my beloved wives a Doggy-style round one each, and we just wrapped around each other and made love until 3 a.m., when they were both completely passed out. I lay between the two of them and fell into a deep sleep

[leossmoonn]

Dear Y/n

masterlist

pairing - carl gallagher x fem!reader

type - fluff

note  / request - “OMFG FINALLY SOMEONE WRITES FOR RECENT CARL GALLAGHER. Can we get one where the reader is Kev and V’s daughter so they grew up together. And maybe Carl is her secret admirer” so i made debbie and you seniors and carl a junior since he is technically a year younger than debbie. so let’s pretend that debbie stayed in school and carl never went to military school lol, just for the sake of this imagine. enjoy!

summary - you find a note in your locker from a secret admirer and try to figure it out who is your secret admirer

warnings - language

————

*gif isn't mine*

“Hey, girl!” Debbie exclaimed. You looked up from your phone, smiling as you spotted your friend. 

“Hey,” you smiled while walking up to her. Your attention when to Franny, who was sitting in her stroller. You crouched down and smiled at the baby. 

“Hi, baby. How are you? Do you like going to school with Mommy? You know, some day you’ll be going to school. I’ll be an adult and with kids, too!” You babbled to the baby. Franny squealed and held her hands up to you. You giggled, bopping her nose before going up back to talk to Debbie. 

“You’re really good with her,” Debbie complimented.  

“Thanks, kids kinda like me,” you giggled. 

Debbie rolled her eyes, “Yeah, we know. Anyways, can we hang at your house?” 

You two started walking to your guys’s lockers. “Sure. I have to babysit Jems and Ames, though. Mom and Dad don’t get off work until like, midnight.”

Debbie nodded. “Franny can play with them.”

“Sounds good,” you nodded. You unlocked your locker, a piece of paper falling out. 

“What’s that?” Debbie asked.

“I don't know,” you muttered, furrowing your brows. You picked up the paper, unfolding it. Your eyes widened as you saw its contents. It read:

Dear Y/n,

I thought your outfit looked really good. Not that your outfits don’t always look good, but today’s my favorite. I really like your jeans and your red shirt. Red really looks good with your eyes. 

From,

Secret Admirer

Debbie read the note with you, laughing as she got to the end. “You have a secret admirer!”

You smiled, “Yeah. This is cute. I wonder who it’s from.”

“Maybe it’s from Dean Kepner,” Debbie said, nudging your shoulder teasingly. 

You rolled your eyes, “That is the funniest shit I have ever heard.”

“Well, what if it is! I noticed him staring at your shirt today,” Debbie said.

You scoffed, “Yeah, more like staring at my tits. This note said nothing about my  tits. It’s probably not him. Plus, I’m pretty sure Dean can’t make compound sentences. He’s worse at speaking than Ames and Jems, and they’re 3 years old.

Debbie chuckled, “True. Well, we should try to figure it out.”

“Eh. It's probably some jackass who wants to get in my head, and then embarrass me because I thought someone liked me,” you said. 

“Be more optimistic!” Debbie exclaimed. 

“Hm, I will if I get a second note. Let’s go, Jems and Ames are expecting me to pick them up from daycare,” you said. You grabbed a few textbooks and shut your locker. “Is Carl coming home with us?” You asked. 

“I think so,” Debbie said. “Alright. Where is he?” You asked. 

“Probably making out with some slut in the bathrooms,” Debbie said.

“Probably,” you snorted.

You and Debbie walked to the nearest bathroom, peeking behind the corner to see if you could hear any noise. Surprisingly, it was quiet. 

“What are you guys doing?” 

You both jumped, turning around and seeing a confused Carl behind you. 

Carl was Debbie’s little brother. They were both Gallagher’s. They were children of the alcoholic and drug addict Frank and Monica. They lived on the South Side of Chicago, which was where you also lived. 

You were Y/n Ball. Daughter of Veronica Fisher and Kevin Ball. You had lived next to the Gallagher’s all your life. You were their best friend. Well, their only best friend, really. Your mom and their older sister, Fiona, had been friends since forever. You had been born around the same time as Debbie, who was the third oldest out of the 6 Gallagher children, so you two have been basically best friends since birth. Carl was also one of the Gallagher kids you were also the close with, too, him being just a year younger than you. You three had basically grown up together, so being best friends was pretty natural. 

“We were seeing if you were fucking anyone,” Debbie answered. 

Carl scrunched his face up in disgust. “I don’t do that.”

You laughed, “Sure you don’t. C’mon, C-Dog, I gotta pick up the little missies.”

“Alright, Y/n/n,” Carl smiled at the nickname you had given him ever since you two had gotten closer. 

You two hadn’t always been close before. Debbie and you were by far the closest, with being in the same grade and all. You and Carl hung out a lot, but it wasn’t really until he started high school when you two actually hung out one-on-one. He had come to you for relationship advice when he was dating this one girl, Dominique, who turned out to be a horrible person. You two have since bonded about your past, failed relationships, and how shitty life is. 

Since getting closer with him, you had kind of developed a little crush on him. He had always been cute, but when puberty hit him, he became really hot, really quick. You never showed any other feelings for him than platonic, though. You didn’t want to deal with all the drama that it would bring between you and your families. 

“Stop eye-fucking each other, please,” Debbie groaned, walking away from you two.

You rolled your eyes, “Like you should talk. Every guy you meet you imagine sleeping with them.”

“Not true!” Debbie defended herself. 

“Yeah, right. That’s why you have a baby,” Carl joked. 

“You guys are so mean,” Debbie muttered. 

“That one was pretty mean, but at least it didn’t come from me,” you smiled. 

“Yeah, it came from the asshole who got circumcised for a girl,” Debbie laughed. 

You laughed with her, Carl rolling his eyes and blushing. He looked to you and noticed a piece of paper peeking out from your jeans. 

“What's that?” He asked and pointed.

“Oh, it’s a note that someone gave me,” you said. You took it out and gave it to Carl. He opened it and read it. 

“This is nice,” he said. 

“Yeah, it’s pretty cute,” you agreed. He handed you the note back. “Who do you think it is?”

“I don’t know, honestly. I’m kind of thinking it’s a joke, so I wanna wait till I get another one,” you said, folding it back into your pocket. 

“I think it’s Dean Kepner,” Debbie stated.  You rolled your eyes, “Yeah, you're the only one.”

“Is that the popular football guy? In your grade?” Carl asked. 

“Yep. He’s so hot,” Debbie sighed dreamily. 

“I don’t think so,” you stated.

Carl looked at you and nodded. “Yeah, I heard he does hard drugs.”

“Yeah, another reason why I don’t fuck with him. I mean, I have a beer every other night, but never am I gonna do drugs. That shit messes you up,” you sighed. 

“Yeah, we know. We had Monica as our mother,” Debbie said. 

You chuckled, walking over to your car. You got in the driver seat, Carl sitting in the passengers. Debbie usually sat there, but since she has a baby, you told her it wasn’t safe to put Franny in the passenger seat, especially since if the even of an accident, the airbag goes off and hurts Franny. 

You drove to daycare, humming songs from the radio while doing so. While you were driving, Carl couldn’t help but stare between your face and the note in your pocket. You didn’t know, but the person who wrote you the note was him. 

Carl was usually pretty confident and outgoing. All of his family like that. You had to do that to survive the South Side. But when it came to you, he was like jello. He didn’t know how to act, speak, whether he could look at you two seconds longer than normal. You never noticed his behaviour change, though. To you, he was always quiet and low-key. He was thankful that he never questioned why he was so quiet around you, especially since he was a loud, annoying kid when he was younger. 

With these notes, he would be able to say what he was afraid to say to your face. He didn’t want to face rejection, especially by the pretty senior girl that had lived next to him since the day he was born. It would be awkward if you did reject him, so he just kept quiet until maybe he worked up the courage to ask you out depending on wether you liked the notes or not. 

You parked in a handicap parking spot. “Alright, one of you wanna go and help me get Ames and Jems?” You asked. 

“Carl, can you do it, I wanna stay with Franny,” Debbie said.

“Yeah, sure,” Carl nodded. He got out of the car with you, walking into the daycare. 

You walked up to front desk. “Hi, I’m here for Amy and Jemma Ball. I'm their older sister, Y/n,” you said.

“Alright, can I see ID?” The woman asked. 

You nodded and got your wallet out of your back pocket. You handed her your ID. She handed it back to you. 

“Alright, go ahead and head in,” she said.

“Thank you,” you smiled. 

She hummed a ‘you’re welcome’ as you and Carl went into the play room. 

“Why do you have to give her your ID?” Carl asked. 

“I think it’s because she’s new, and also I didn’t drop them off this morning. They wanna make sure no one kidnaps children,” you explained. 

Carl nodded. “Ah, makes sense.”

“Yeah, the usual woman here, Julie, moved to Florida. She always gave me and the girls a mint when we left, and never asked for my ID,” you said.

“Wow, she sounds cool,” Carl said. 

“Yep, she was,” you smiled. 

You walked into the room, spotting Jemma and Amy immediately. They spotted you two, smiling and running up to you. 

“Hi, babes!” You exclaimed, crouching down and catching them in your arms. 

“Hi, Y/n!” They both squealed. 

“Ready to go home?” You asked. 

They both nodded. 

“Alright. Let me go get your stuff, hang out with Uncle Carl for a few minutes, okay?” You said. 

“Okay,” Jemma said.

You walked over to their cubby, grabbing their baby bags. You went back over to Carl, taking a hold of both of the girls’s hands. 

“Let’s go, babes,” you said. 

“I’m hungry!” Amy exclaimed. 

“I’ll get you a snack when we get home, alright?” You asked. 

Amy nodded, smiling excitedly. You smiled at her, looking up to see Carl opening the door for you. 

“Thanks,” you smiled at him. 

“No problem,” he nodded and followed behind you. You put the girls in the backseat with Debbie, unloading their bags in the trunk. You got in the front seat, starting the car. 

“Do you want to be dropped off at your house or stay with us at my place?” You asked Carl. 

“I'll hang with you guys,” Carl said. 

You nodded, “Sounds good.”

You drove back home, parking the car on the side. You unlocked the front door, immediately dropping all the bags you had. You slumped on the couch, taking a breather. 

“Can we have a snack?” Jemma asked. 

“Oh, yeah, right,” you said, getting up. “You guys want some fruit snacks?” “Yeah!” Amy exclaimed. 

You nodded, going to the pantry and getting two packs of fruit snacks for each of them. You led them back to the couch, turning on the tv. 

“Watch TV with Franny, okay? Sissy has to do homework,” you said. 

The twins nodded, looking at Paw Patrol, which was what was playing. You went to the kitchen table, unloading your backpack. 

“You’re really good at taking care of them,” Carl said, sitting next to you. 

You smiled, “Thanks. Mom and Dad do a lot, but since they are a little older and so am I, they let me have more responsibility. They have to work and stuff to make sure we can afford everything. I’d like to say I’m an expert at taking care of Amy and Jemma.”

Carl chuckled, “Yeah, I couldn’t imagine taking care of a kid.”

“Well, you have been taking care of Liam since he was born, right?” You asked. 

Carl shrugged, “I guess.”

“Taking care of kids is easy if you like them,” you shrugged. 

“Makes sense,” he said.

You hummed. 

“So, are you waiting for another note?” Carl asked. 

“Hm, kind of, yeah. I would be lying if I didn’t say I hoped this will turn into some cute, romantic love story with someone,” you chuckled. 

Carl blushed a little, focusing on his own homework. “Yeah, that’d be nice. 

————

“Yeah, Mom, I got it. No problem, see you later,” you said, hanging up the call. You sighed, walking slowly to your locker. 

Your mom had just called you to come to the Alibi to help out since business was buzzing. Word was, Frank was up to one of his schemes again and got the Alibi full and drunk. You couldn’t wait to deal with perky, 50 year-old men catcalling you. You were wearing a sweatshirt, too, which you knew would make it worse since the men always would try to have you take it off, and never stopped pushing. Luckily, you had pepper spray with you at all times so if someone ever got too much, you wouldn’t hesitate to spray them. 

You opened your locker, putting away a few binders when you noticed another note. You grabbed it, unfolding it with a hint of excitement. You would be lying if you said you hadn't been looking forward to this all day. 

You opened the note, smiling widely as its contents. 

Dear Y/n,

Your makeup looks amazing today. You’re really talented with the eyeliner and stuff. Oh, and your lipstick matches really well with your outfit, too.

From,  Secret Admirer

“Another note, huh?” Debbie said, approaching you. 

You smiled and nodded. “Yep.”

“What's that?” Carl asked. 

“Another note from Y/n’s admirer,” Debbie smiled. 

Carl flushed a little. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” you smiled. “I hope this is for real. I want to meet this person.”

“Maybe you will,” Carl said. You looked to him, a worried expression settling on your face. 

“You okay, C-Dog?” You asked. 

“Yeah. I’m gonna catch the bus. See you guys later,” he said, walking off quickly. 

You furrowed your brows. “What's got his dick in a twist?”

“I have no idea. Maybe he likes you,” Debbie smirked. 

Your heart fluttered a little at the thought of him liking you. Debbie knew you liked Carl, so maybe she was fucking with you, but you had to ask to be sure. 

“Does he?” 

“I think,” Debbie said. 

“Oh,” you muttered. “Cool,” you smiled. 

You weren’t going to confront him just yet, but you prayed to God your secret admirer was Carl. 

————

“Hey, there’s something for you in the mail,” Veronica said. 

You furrowed your brows. “Who’s it from?”

“It doesn’t have a name,” Veronica said, hanging you an envelope. “It just has your name on it.”

“Huh,” you said, taking the envelope. You tore it open, your eyes widening as you saw another note it in. 

“What is it?” Kevin asked. 

“A note,” you said. “From my secret admirer.”

“You have a secret admirer! Wow,” Kevin said. 

“Yeah,” you chuckled. You sat on the couch, opening the note. 

Dear Y/n,

I thought you looked really pretty today. I hope you don’t find it weird I mailed this to your house, I actually live close to you, so I saw you crossing the street today. Anyways, I just thought I would let you know you look pretty. 

From, 

Secret Admirer

You found yourself giggling, setting the note down. Even though you were flattered, you found it a little weird this person knew where you lived, even if they supposedly lived near. You didn’t know why they couldn’t just tell you all these things in person. 

“What does it say?” Veronica asked.

“The note calls me pretty,” you said, putting it back in its envelope. 

“Hm, well, whoever this is isn’t wrong,” Veronica grinned. “Do you have any idea who it is?”

You sighed, “Nope. It says they live close to me, though.”

“Maybe it’s one of the Gallagher’s,” Kevin suggested. 

Your eyes went wide, remembering what Debbie had said to a few days ago when you got the second note. You shook your head, though. Carl was out with his friends right now, you had just left his house, too, and there was no sign of him. 

“Nah, no offence to them, none of them are this romantic or anything. Well, except Ian, but he’s gay,” you said. 

“Maybe ask about it, though? All of our other neighbours are old men, and that does not look like old man handwriting,” Veronica said. 

“Maybe I will. I mean, Debbie said Carl liked me, and when I got the second note, Carl was acting all weird and shit,” you said.

Veronica eyes widened. “Carl?”

“Yeah,” you said. “I don’t care if it's him, though, it'd be kind of weird.”

Veronica sat down on the couch next to you. “You like him, don’t you?”

“Kind of,” you said sheepishly. 

“Well, I think you should ask him about it. If he says no, then don’t mention your feelings for him. If he says yes the notes are from him, then confess,” Veronica said.

“Should I do that?” You asked. 

“I think so, baby. Carl’s a good kid, especially with you around. I wouldn’t have a problem with you two dating.”

You smiled, “Thanks, Mom. I’ll go to his place tomorrow.”

“My baby is about to get a boyfriend!” Kevin whooped. “If he hurts you, I will kill him.”

You chuckled, “Thanks, Dad.”

————

You walked into the Gallagher’s house, spotting Fiona in the kitchen.

“Hey, Fi,” you smiled. 

“Hey, Y/n! Are you here fo Debbie? She went out,” Fiona said.

“No, actually. I’m here for Carl,” you said.

“Oh, okay. Well, he’s upstairs,” Fiona said.

“Thanks, Fi,” you smiled and made your way up to Carl’s room. You saw that the door was wide open.

You went in, not seeing Carl anywhere.

Where is he? You thought.

You went around his room, walking around the room. His room was ridiculously messy. Clothes everywhere, food and plates all over the dresser, weird liquid on the floor. You chuckled to yourself as you had to step over the puddle. 

“Boys are horrific,” you muttered to yourself. 

You went to the desk, sitting down in the desk chair. You looked around on the desk, seeing court date papers, old homework, and cigarette boxes. As you looked more to your right, something had caught your eye. There was a paper with your name on it on the back. 

You picked it up hesitantly, slowly unfolding it. Your eyes widened as you saw the words “Dear Y/n”. You knew you shouldn't, but you went ahead and read it anyways. You just wanted to make sure you were correct of your suspicions. 

Dear Y/n,

After these few weeks, I have decided to try and be brave and go up to ask you out. I think you’re really pretty and you’re so funny and nice. I’ve liked you since I started high school, and even if I get rejected, I know I would regret not trying to ask you out. So, I was wondering if you wanted to go on a date?

From, 

Secret Admirer, aka Carl (Gallagher)

“Y/n?” You snapped your head back, seeing Carl in a towel. Your eyes quickly ran past his chest, seeing the toned muscles in his arms and stomach. You eyes went up to his face, lingering on his lips. You then went up to his eyes, seeing them wide and filled with wonder. 

“Sorry, I’ll, uh, go,” you muttered and stood up, leaving the note on the desk. 

“What?” Carl asked. He was beyond confused, but when he saw you and the note, he put the pieces together. As you went to walk out of his room, he grabbed your arm, pulling you back gently so you two were face-to-face.  

“Did read the note?” He asked.

You looked up at him sheepishly, “Yeah, I’m sorry for invading your privacy.”

Carl sighed, “It’s alright. I’m, uh, sorry if I wasn't who you were expecting or anything. I know I’m probably not the person you like or anything, but I just wanted to try and see if you liked me. Ian and Lip said that was a cute idea, the notes.”

Your eyes lit up with he voiced his concerns. Your lips upturned into a smile, your eyes staring into his. 

“Carl, I like you, too,” you said. 

Carl’s eyes widened. “Wha-what?”

You took his hands in yours. “It was a cute idea. And I’ve liked you for the last 3 years, too. I was hoping it was you, actually.”

Carl blushed, a big smile appearing on his face. “Really?” “Yep,” you nodded. 

“Awesome!” Carl chuckled. “So, do you want to go on a date with me?”

“Yeah, I’d love to,” you smiled. 

“Cool,” he smiled. “Well, I need to get dressed. You can stay and watch if you want,” he smirked. 

You giggled at his words. “Don’t mind if I do.”

————

this was trash i am sorry

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[heyitsyn]

Forgive Me

a/n: this was a request and an angsty one

im so sad theyre banning tiktok!!! :(

anon request:  okok haikyuu hcs part 2: oikawa’s the reader’s best friend because their moms were also best friends but they went to different kindergarten + elementary schools so imagine how excited they were to go to kitaichi together,, anyway reader is the manager (again) but also functions as a really skilled medic,, (oh yea they start dating in second year) anyway they hit third year and reader protects bb kags,, so they break up. fast forward and reader is now in another school (either in miyagi/tokyo)

part 1.5

part 2

requests open!!!

oikawa torup in da house

so in this one,

yall are the iconic childhood friends

for the sake of this headcanon, hes an only child

so to explain

your mothers were actually college friends and became best friends and were so close that they decided to live next door to each other and have a child around the same time

also to mention, their husbands were also best friends and a few matchmaking rituals, they all got married

omg i want a friend to do this w me

it worked and they got pregnant and imagine their surprise when one was expecting a boy while the other was expecting a girl

they were already planning yall wedding before you were even born lmao

due to the closeness of your mothers, ofc yall would be best friends and you and oiks practically grew up w each other

every friday night was your night so sleepovers happened all the time

however, when yall were starting to go to school

you both ended up in different schools

dont ask me why ask your mom

oiks was throwing a tantrum and just crying bc you would be separated while you were just clinging on to him, thinking he would disappear

‘no! n/n-chan and me are going together! im not going if shes not!’

‘now, now, tooru, youre both going to be apart for only a few hours’

‘mommy i dont want to leave tooru-kun’

‘youll walk home together, baby’

i would cry too

so yall developed a routine that tooru would go to your school to pick you up and you guys would walk home together

again, explain to me how little 6 year olds are able to walk to and from school

he would always hold your hand to keep you beside him and you would swing your hands while humming a tune

‘ugh, i hate being so far away from you n/n-chan’

you sighed but gave him a bright grin

‘i do too. but we have to wait until we’re older so we can be together forever! mommy tells me that her and papa were not together for a long time but after school, they are now together forever. so once we finish school, i can be with you whenever i want!’

tooru nodded, a determined smile on his face

‘we’re going to be like mommy and papa. we will be together forever and we’ll have our own house and we’re going to die together!’

bls theyre like 6 and already practically thinking about marriage and they dont even know it

sometimes, if you both have leftover money, you would both go to a convenience store, Sakanoshita Market, and buy milk bread

‘mister, you dont have anymore?’

‘sorry, kid, now go on and have real dinner!’

you both lived in each other’s houses and sometimes, your parents would even wonder if they have a child bc you would disappear off to the oikawa’s house or the l/n’s

when he met iwa, ngl, you were jealous

even though you have the best friends rights due to being friends since day 1, you were still worried about being replaced

ofc oiks knew about that concern and kept you from being left out so he constantly dragged you to play with him and iwa

they developed an interest in volleyball and you wanted to hang out with them so you sometimes tossed the ball to tooru who would set it to iwa

whenever they wanted to do something else, you would always suggest going on an adventure

meaning going to the park

uwu kids are so cute

your little trio formed and soon, you three were the closest

despite going to different elementary schools, you still found ways to hang out together

however,

instead of you being jealous of being cast aside by oiks

it was him being worried that he was going to be replaced by iwa

it became apparent when iwa mentioned about going over to your house on friday to study something 

and tooru is petty so he was mad that you didnt invite him

there was no way he was going to let iwa take you from him bc he knew you first and he was the first one to announce his intention of getting married to you in the future

he was yours and you were his, plain and simple

he went to your house unannounced and used his key to enter the house

your mom peaked from the kitchen and greeted him

‘oh, hello, tooru-kun! y/n is upstairs studying’

he nodded and went up to your room where you were reading some notes while doing some homework

‘y/n-chan’

you looked up to him standing at your doorway

your eyes lit up and your cheeks flared to see him

bahahaha yes feelings

‘tooru-kun!’

his face crumpled up and he tackled you, hugging the life out of you tightly

‘y/n-chan! dont leave me! youre mine, not iwa-chans! im better than iwa-chan, okay?!’

ofc you were just confused but tooru was weird and youve learned to accept that over the years

‘tooru, we’ve been friends longer. i’ll always be yours and youre mine too so youre always going to be first’

he was all teary eyed when you said that and demanded cuddles and a movie after making him run all the way from iwa’s house

‘but i didnt ask you to, though’

‘you were still the reason i had to run so take responsibility!’

he might be a handful but he was oikawa tooru and you love him otherwise

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

as yall were settled and the beginning of e.t begins

baby oikawa was absolutely in love with that movie fite me

he asked you why you didnt invite him to study with iwa

you stopped and looked at him confusingly

‘tooru-kun, youre good at science aren’t you? iwa’s this 👌 close to failing just bc he mixes up solid, liquid, and gas’

this is a random fact that i made up so pls dont blast me about this !!!

oikawa stops then just doubles over laughing 

‘ohmygod! iwa-chan!’

yall know that arm wrestling video and his stage actor just yelling out iwa-chan? yes im imagining that

you looked at tooru weirdly

‘hm, laughing over your friend’s demise, okay’

needless to say, oiks called you during lunch and sounded like he was running and it was bc he was being chased by haji-kun after he made fun of him

‘ugh y/n! why did you tell him that!’

‘i mean,,,, its pretty embarrassing’

now comes middle school!!!

!!!!

yall are finally able to be in the same middle school as your friends!!!

you were so excited and you wouldnt shut up about it bc youve been looking forward to the day that yall get to be together everyday

not that you didnt have friends in your old school,

you just preferred being with the guys since you werent into the girly things yourself

and you get to see tooru everyday since he was in your class

oiks and iwa immediately wanted to join the volleyball club and they were soon accepted so it was only normal for you to be in practice a lot

you didnt join a club since none really interested you so it was okay for you to go the gym and do your homework while they practice

there was no choice on staying either since you usually walked home with them since oiks lived next door and iwa hung out at either your place or his

the current manager of the team noticed your friendship and frequent appearances so she asked you to be the manager rather than just being there

you didnt really have a choice bc oiks agreed for you and excitedly told you that you were going to be with them for the next 3 years

‘everyone! thank you for the past 3 years!’

hehe i just died inside

tooru was so happy that you would be in volleyball bc that was two favorite things lumped into the best 3 hours of his life: volleyball and you

so thus started your managerial duties

you became friends with the team but was closer to the first years

you quite literally watched them grow into amazing volleyball players and you sometimes cried along with them when they either got hurt or lost

specifically during the shiratorizawa match

it was then that you were sure of your feelings for your best friend

as he wept in the locker room, you stayed by the door, unsure if you should go in or not

but the others have gone to the bus already and iwa wanted you to go and get oiks ready so they could leave

so, you entered the room and your heart dropped, not even noticing the nasty smell of sweat in the boys locker room

he was hunched over the bench, a towel over his head

sure, he was just a first year and he has more opportunities to win

but it was the first time oiks experienced such a loss

and that smug look that ushijima gave him as he sat on the floor

you saw the defeated look as you stood with the coach at the bench

rushing forward and kneeling in front of him, you hugged him tightly

he cried, both defeated and embarrassed, but he didnt let go

it was then that you vowed to be there for him whenever this happens

every loss, every defeat, youll be there

it was painful and you had a feeling that this crush on him would make it harder in the future but you didnt care

bc tooru looked the most beautiful when he smiled

by now, second year has started

youve obviously noticed that your now second year friends are working much harder

and they were gaining more popularity

bc this was the age where puberty starts hitting everyone and lets just say god decided to bless the volleyball team

it shouldnt have surprised you that they were going to be known in the school or prefecture bc they were talented and handsome

perfect recipe for a dream boy

what was only a confession every few weeks or so, turned into nearly a dozen in a WEEK

dw you got some too!!

as a manager, you knew it was going to be a hard job being the only female in a team full of boys

but you didnt expect it to be this bad

girls would corner you in every hallway, outside or inside, to either give you their love letters to oikawa or to threaten you to stay away from their grand king

lmao king okay

and dw, you told them to catch you outside by chipotle after school but they didnt show up

that nickname seemed to get into oikawa’s ego as he told you about his love for that term

as you three walked home, oikawa was telling you about this one girl who called him her king and he giggled at the thought

‘she told me that she wanted to be my princess! but i told her i was a king so she should settle for a prince like iwa-chan’

you laughed at iwa’s angry face

‘shittykawa why am i downgraded?! you think youve above me or something?!’

‘PRINCE IWA-CHAN! HAIL PRINCE IWA-CHAN!’

you howled causing iwa to glare at you

‘not you too y/n!’

you were laughing so hard that your face was red and it got worse when iwa gave you a noogie

but little do you know, oikawa was looking at you at the side, trying to gauge your reaction

you didnt seem to be bothered at the fact that some girl wanted him to be theirs

that was why he frequently told you about his confessions

tooru wanted to know if you still felt the same about him being always yours by telling you stories about the girls and if you were jealous or not

but you remained indifferent and just laughed along

however, you WERE jealous but you didnt show it

youre like ‘im a bad bih you cant kill me’

with all these much prettier girls and talented girls than you, you were sure he would find somebody else

as long as he was happy and smiling, you were going to be just fine

again, another PSA! YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL NO MATTER WHAT BC YOU ARE THE KWEEN TO GRAND KING TOORU AND YOU RULE THE WORLD BC YOU ARE A BAD BIH AND YOU WILL NOT BE KILLED BY INSECURITIES!!

tooru was lowkey hurt about you blushing with iwa and not being bothered about the threat that was looming in the distance

so he practiced more, slightly regreting now that you were in the team

he was being an insecure little bean again and suddenly hes thinking that you and iwa seem to be interacting more (even though you werent) and he was being jealous and this caused him to be slightly more irritated

with all of his practicing, he ends up hurting himself more often like bruises and such

that worried you deeply bc he was practicing too much and pushing himself way too hard and you knew he would combust any moment now

this energy seeped into the others and theyve begun to be more intense during practice and you were sure they were wearing themselves out

youve expressed your concern to the coach about the bruises on their skin and their wincing at every movement

‘the solution to this, y/n-chan, is to study about this and be the medic that helps heal our soldiers’

with that request, youve started taking more trips to the library, staying up late reading medical articles, and buying pain relievants and medical tape

this was when you decided you wanted to be a sports therapist or an injury related profession in the future

so you were obviously prepared when you caught oiks practicing late again

you were actually stocking up some medical supplies when you were passing by the gym and found it still open with lights

he was practicing those damn service serves again and you were starting to get irritated when he didnt listen to you about not pushing himself too hard

‘tooru-kun, lets go home’

your voice resounded from the loud sounds of the balls hitting either the floor or wall

he gritted his teeth

‘i need to do this. i need to be strong enough to beat ushijima. i need-’

‘tooru-kun, let’s go home’

(reference)

but he didnt listen to you and spiked once more but he didnt land back on his feet

but on his knee

tooru made a sound of pain

your heart started beating really fast and you busted out your bag that had emergency supplies

tooru saw you kneeling beside him and for a second, the pain subsided and he was only focused on you

the way your stray hairs from your bun framed your face and the delicate eyes that were so focused on bunching up your kita jacket and using it to elevate the sprained knee

‘ice. i need ice’

you kept mumbling and was about to stand up but his hand flies to clutch your arm

‘y/n-chan, please dont leave me’

‘but its going to swell-’

‘i dont care. i need you right now so dont leave me alone’

you stared at each other, one slightly irritated while one was begging

‘i told you that you were going to hurt yourself if you push too far and look where you are’

‘but it hurts and i need affection to cool it down’

‘N O, tooru, what you need is proper treatment’

‘cuddles are considered treatment, you know’

‘we’re literally in the middle of the gym-’

‘i dont care’

he gave you those puppy eyes and you harshly looked away to the side

then you sighed before sitting down behind him and holding him in your arms

he was content with your affection and your familiar cherry blossom perfume engulfing his senses

his back was rested against your front uncomfortably while your arms were around his middle where his fingers played with your hands

it was silent for a moment except for his occasional hisses of pain but he decided this might be the time

at this point, he was hurt already so he doesnt care if youd reject him since the pain in his knee would cover the pain of his heart

hes like 14 what he poetic and deep for

‘ne, n/n-chan’

‘hm’

‘go out with me?’

your arms tensed and he squeezed his eyes shut, prepared for the rejection

‘only if you stop doing these late practices bc i want to have dates with you after school’

oml oikawa was so happy

like so happy that he just turns around excitedly and hugs you, competely forgeting about the pain in his knee

‘omg tooru your knee!’

‘ow! ugh!’

so thus began your relationship

anon, im very reluctant to make this fluff to angst

he stuck to his word of not going too far with his late practices and yall often had dates at the park, the convenience store, or just at home

ofc it wasnt everyday but it was close to it

everything was great in the world bc you had your best friend as your boyfriend and he made you so happy

during the summer, you began being an apprentice to your uncle’s clinic to further advance your knowledge in the medical field

that meant less time to spend with tooru which meant sulky tooru

this often caused arguments between you two since he always brought it up

‘n/n-chan, i miss you!’

‘i miss you too, tooru-kun. but i have to continue this so that i can be a better medic for the team!’

‘but i matter more than the team! n/n-chan!’

that was his problem. he thought that now you were dating, youd be revolving him 24/7 and he was everything you thought about

but you still had a life to live and prepare for

you sighed before sitting next to tooru on the floor

‘i finish at 2. then we can go get some milk bread and hike up that trail in time to see the sunset. sound good?’

that made him brighten up and you were dreading of repeating this same cycle again in a few days

but you actually liked this boy and even could say you love him despite his clingy and slightly obsessive personality

when your third year rolled around, oikawa was finally the captain of the team

you were now on the hunt of another manager to take over for next year but so far, its been hard

theyve all been fascinated by the boys, especially oikawa, making it a hard task

during the practice, you notice that tooru has been different

to the others, he was fine

but to this one student, kageyama tobio, he was cold

harsh, even

it wasnt like him to treat his kouhais like that so you were confused and obviously worried for a player on your team

you pulled him aside one day and you asked him what was going on

‘tooru, why are you being mean to kageyama?’

he just smiled, but it was much more different

like a whole different smile youve never seen

‘hes the first setter ive met who is an underclassman. im just trying to toughen him up and shape him to his potential’

but you crossed your arms, raising an eyebrow

‘by criticizing every single movement he makes like breathing? by constantly embarrassing him in front of the others? by isolating him from everyone else?’

his eyes twitched and his grin got wider as he gently held your hands

‘we’ll talk about this later, n/n-chan, kay? now, i need to get back to practice as captain and you can continue being the manager’

to be honest, you were kinda pissed

‘no, tooru. you need to stop-’

‘y/n? stop it. this is a stupid thing to argue about so drop it’

boi watch yo mouth

but you didnt push further to not make a scene so you went to kindaichi and gave him his bottle and a towel to kunimi

it was tense between you and oikawa for the next few days

the team could pick up on the weird energy but refused to say anything because hello you were their mom and oikawa was their captain

but iwa didnt care so he straight up asked yall as you were taking spiking notes

‘oi y/n, shittykawa, did you argue or something? its kinda tense in here’

the entire team froze and even the coach looked between you two

lmao i love the coach

‘hm, y/n-chan and i just disagreed on something, didn’t we, y/n-chan?’

oikawa turned and gave you a grin

to others, it wouldve looked real and so convincing

but to you, you knew it was fake

thinking back on it, you shouldve known that was the beginning of his new persona

whenever you pointed it out, he would deflect and you wouldnt stop until he told you what was going on resulting more fights bc he was not doing his vital share in this relationship: communicate

‘tooru, listen to me!’

‘no, y/n-chan. im busy so later’

then it became like that

‘later, y/n-chan’

‘after this spike’

soon after, it felt like you didnt even have a boyfriend anymore

even iwa was starting to notice something weird since oiks was doing this to him too

he was distant, focusing too much time on volleyball which took a toll on his health

and he was getting angrier at tobio for unknown reasons

but these reasons soon came to light when that unfortunate day came

you were waiting for oikawa to finish up his practice so you could also pack up the balls and go home

iwa was already packing up to leave so it was only you oikawa and tobio remaining in the gym

youve talked to kageyama about tooru before and you encouraged him to ask oiks how to serve bc he was really good at it

today he was asking again but you already knew that he was going to refuse him like he has before

but you didnt see this coming

you saw him start to raise his hand with this manic look in his eyes and your eyes widened, running full speed towards kageyama

nYOOM

we finna change this up so buckle up babes

instead of kageyama, you pushed him aside so you took the hit

the force and the intensity of the slap was equivalent to the ones he used to his serves causing you to fly to the floor

you were breathing heavy, tears threatening to fall from the throbbing pain on your face, yet you didnt move

then your head turned to look at kageyama before giving him a nod and a smile

‘g-go to iwaizumi, tobio. he’ll take you home, kay?’

he looked unsure, looking between you and oikawa but your long blink and small smile told him that you would be okay

he ran to the exit and disappeared from view

it was now just you and oikawa

on the other hand, he remained frozen

he didnt know if he should grovel on his knees or cry to forgive him

‘n/n-chan-’

‘dont’

in all the years youve known each other,

from the very beginning in your diapers,

youve never spoken to him in such anger, venom, and hurt

‘dont say another word to me. dont apologize to me. i did what a normal person would do and protect an innocent child from something he doesnt deserve. he was just a child, tooru’

you stood up, eyes still not meeting his, instead focusing on his taped fingers that used to hold your hands with such gentleness and touch you so softly

‘what happened to you, tooru?’

you whimpered, arms wrapping around yourself

he was lost

he didnt know what to do

he had his own tears falling and he stepped forward in instinct to go to your arms but you flinched and backed away

that caused him to sob before throwing himself on the floor in front of you

‘y/n, please. y/n forgive me. i didnt mean to! please, y/n!’

part of you wanted to think that he was just so stressed out for the incoming interhigh that he wasnt thinking straight

but you knew you were just making excuses

this relationship started falling apart the moment you started your third year and you were just trying to hold it together

it was like holding water on your palms yet ignoring the water that was spilling on the side

you can only ignore it for a short while until eventually, the water is not there anymore and youre suddenly asking yourself, ‘where did it go?’

and now youre asking yourself, where did you go wrong?

was it your fault?

‘tooru, for months, ive made excuses for you. many times ive tried to sort out our problems, yet you always made excuses to not talk about it. it takes two to dance in a relationship yet it feels like im just dragging you in circles. we’re going in circles, tooru!’

he looked up at you, slowly standing on his feet with hands hovering over your shoulders, afraid to touch you

‘i can make this right, y/n. forever, right? you promised me years ago that we’d be together forever! we would get married a-and live together and be like mom and papa, right?!’

you choked back a sob at his face

he looked like someone else

he wasnt your tooru

he was the oikawa tooru that held you as you tried to walk

the one that pulled you back up to bed when you rolled off

the one who purposely tripped himself during your first year when you slipped so that you wouldnt be embarrassed in front of everyone

this was a selfish, jealous, tooru

the same look he gave you when he found out that you were studying with iwa without him

‘you hated tobio because he was a good setter, right? you were jealous and scared that he would take your place? was that it, tooru?’

that was then he really realized that you were the only one who could read him like you were reading a book

a single glance and you knew right away

and you calling him out on it allowed him to figure out why he truly didnt like tobio

and it was embarrassing that you said it out loud

and when oikawa tooru was embarrassed or flustered, he deflects

and it usually ends up badly

‘jealous? dont make me laugh!’

he scoffed while you glared at him

‘then what was it, then tooru? why did you do that, huh? because by the way youre acting right now, youre nothing but a green-filled monster. man, you seriously their captain?’

‘shut up, y/n!’

his personality took a whole 360 and you stepped back, scared he would lash out again

‘you dont know anything! you dont know how its like to feel second place from that bastard ushijima. you dont know how its like to feel threatened that your own kouhai could possibly be better than you. you dont know how it feels like to not feel enough no matter how many hours you practice or serves you hit. you dont know anything, y/n-chan’

he hissed and you shook your head in disbelief

‘so to satisfy your own insecurities, you hurt and put down others just so you could feel better about yourself. that just proves you are no longer the tooru i know.’

‘well i dont need you, then!’

you were taken aback by his shouts, composure now broken

‘im not him anymore so you either take whats in front of you or leave!’

at his suggestion, you narrowed your eyes

‘dont make me say my choice because you already know what im going to say’

despite knowing youd say that, part of him still wanted you to at least stay

but he was hurt and he wanted to hurt you as much as you hurt him

‘then leave! i dont need a distraction in my life anymore! you no longer satisfy me! so go!’

the tears now fell and you opened your mouth to say something but you closed it, replacing it with a sob

you bit your lip to compose yourself and swallowed that lump on your throat

‘fine. we’re done, oikawa tooru. and im sorry if i was a distraction to you for the entire 15 years of life we spent together. i can assure you that you will no longer have to put up with me’

then you left

nyoom?

you tried not to think about it bc you were only 15 and you were young so this wouldnt be the last time youd feel love

but not only did you lose a boyfriend, but you lost your best friend

and this is when you realized that best friends are only meant to be best friends

nothing more, nothing less

your parents knew nothing of what transpired and blamed your bruise at running into something bc you didnt want to strain the friendship your mother and his had if they found out her son hit you

family dinners were awkward and your parents kept asking until theyve just figured out that you were fighting

for the rest of your lives

iwa didnt know either

you made kageyama swear to you that he wouldnt say anything and you were relieved that it wasnt his business to say anything to someone else anyways

it was a secret that remains between the three of you

all was known was that you and oikawa broke up and you acted like he wasnt even there

if you had a problem, you went to iwaizumi since he was the vice captain

other than that, you no longer interacted with oikawa

it was an obvious thing that you wouldnt go to seijoh and your families were confused, wondering what the heck happened

‘y/n? youve wanted to go with tooru to seijoh since you were younger so what changed?’

‘people change’

tooru changed

instead, you went to karasuno

it was a suggestion from the guy in the milk bread store after you expressed your dilemma of finding a high school

‘karasuno’s right up there, kid. it’s not that far of a walk, right?’

‘i guess youre right’

during your first day of high school, you were shutting the gate when you saw iwaizumi and oikawa by his door

iwaizumi raised a hand in greeting and you smiled at him before walking down the road

‘i still wont force you to tell me but just know, you either fix it or get over her’

iwaizumi cautions tooru who kept his eyes on your slowly getting smaller figure

‘but i cant fix it this time’

you disassociated yourself from volleyball for the rest of years until a good friend of yours, kiyoko, asked you to help her manage the boys

she asked you to just help her out during your last year and you agreed since shes done a lot of things for you over the years

‘we have a practice match with aoba johsai on tuesday so you think you can come then?’

you froze, not knowing what to say

but its been years and you no longer cared

besides, you still felt protective towards one of your former baby chicks kageyama and him being there with that guy worried you

so you agreed

on your way there, kageyama stuck close to you since you were the only one he trusted there

‘are you okay with this, y/n-san?’

you squeezed his arm with a smile

‘it’s okay, tobio. besides, iwa told me that kindaichi and kunimi are there and i miss them so’

the boys and you started unloading their bags and kiyoko asked you to go and fill their bottles in case

the gray-haired setter, you knew as sugawara koushi, accompanied you to carry them so you were filling them up as he held the container of empty bottles

‘the boys are going to be good, you know. and dont worry about kageyama. hes extremely talented and we could win easily’

you gave him a reassuring smile and he nodded

‘i have faith in our firs-’

‘y/n’

a voice from behind you made the hair on your arms stand and you saw him there

he was shocked to see you there bc last thing he knew from iwa, you no longer had anything to do with volleyball

but here you were, in his castle, with an unknown person beside you

suga noticed your tense form and placed the box on the floor

he put a hand on your shoulder and made you face him

‘you know him, y/n?’

but you only gave oikawa one more look

‘no. not anymore’

oikawa screamed

yall that one last line is not relevant to the story but i put it there since someone pointed out that oikawa was always screaming and i thought that was a funny comment

[honeyandbloodpoetry]

Gender Thoughts Pt 1 and 2

The first time I put a binder on, a little under a week ago, I felt euphoric. Ever since I hit puberty very early on, I felt uncomfortable with my breasts. They never felt right on me, and even though I’ve come to love them sometimes, they still don’t always feel like they match up. I hated how people always looked at them, pointed out how much they showed in low cut shirts when I never even noticed they were--or even wanted them to. They were just there. I liked the way low cut shirts feel and look on me, I just can’t help these giant sacks of flesh that sit on my chest. 

Except...now I can! I ran my hands over my smooth chest, feeling bright. I looked into the mirror, and felt something warm wash over me. I put on my new masculine clothes, letting my partner clip on my new suspenders. I realized that I was shaking as I looked at myself again… I looked like a boy. I felt like a boy. Like a man. And I liked it. I wanted it. Admitting that to myself was like coming home. 

I remember being in sixth grade, walking around the track for my civil air patrol class. I had been slotted in with the rest of the girls, the boys walking ahead of us. I remember feeling uncomfortable being shoved in with only girls, and looking at the gaggle of boys ahead. The exact thought that whispered in my brain was “I wish I was a boy. I want to be like them, with them.” I never forgot that moment, and how strange it made me feel. How it was easier to shake that thought away, and dismiss those feelings. Except they never really left, did they? 

I remember sitting on my bed, crying with my best friend kneeling in front of me. I remember telling her how I didn’t like feeling like a woman all the time. That I wished I could be a black shadow, monstrous, androdynous. Specifically like Venom. She took my hand, did my makeup all in black and helped me pick out the perfect black outfit to achieve that dark, gothic look. I was so incredibly happy and validated. But I still felt like something was missing. 

I remember going into an Adam and Eve for laugh, not expecting much since I am an asexual with a low libido. I remember seeing packers and feeling my chest tighten. I never liked my genitalia--I had wished for a cloaca or something akin to that, but since that was biologically impossible for a human… I sometimes wished I had the opposite of a vagina. I frequently imagined what it would be like to have a penis. I frequently lamented the fact that I didn’t have one. I took the box up to the counter to ask some questions, my dress swishing as I went. The cashier told me it was for trans people only, and a girl like me couldn’t have it. She didn’t know what asexuality was, and had tried polyamory once but decided it was bad when her girlfriend kissed her boyfriend. I was upset, disheartened, and left the store empty handed feeling frustrated and lost.

I remember finally cutting the long, curly locks that had frustrated and imprisoned me for so long. Seeing all of my hair fall to the floor, staring into the mirror as the barber buzzed the back of my head… It made me want to cry tears of joy. It was the first time in my entire life that I had looked at my hair and was happy. The first time I could look in the mirror and feel like myself. Then I remember wanting to go shorter, and my barber encouraging me to keep it a little longer so I didn’t look manly, so I could still be soft and feminine. The way my stomach dropped and the sick feeling in my chest only increased when he began to make fun of the gay men who came down the street near his favorite restaurant. I never saw that barber again. I instead found a nice local place down the road from my apartment, where the kind lady cut it all off without question, other than “Why?” and accepted my warm “It makes me happy. It makes me feel beautiful.” 

But wearing that binder for the first time? It was as if a beam of light had funneled its way directly into my heart. I felt like a handsome man, with just a little bit of striking man boob, and it felt so right. My partner called me a dashing boy and my heart began to race. I still feel his hand tracing my jawline as he called me handsome, and the butterflies it sent up through my belly, even after more than eleven years. 

I love my partner--he identifies as agender and primarily masculine, and has been on the lookout for a good pair of size thirteen shoes to wear with a dress. They also wear joggers and flip flops and graphic tees and can’t seem to stop talking about the ocean and outer space. They’re probably one of my biggest inspirations for finding myself, and being authentically me. 

I’m not super sure who or what I am right now. I’m still figuring that out, but I’m pretty sure I’m somewhere between agender and genderfluid. I feel like me more than anything else, but all pronouns make me feel good. I feel like all of them and none of them at once, but I swing between wanting to be feminine and masculine pretty strongly, though I enjoy being masculine most of all--even when I’m wearing dresses and pink. I feel like a beautiful person in a dress or a button down, no matter what gender I feel like today or tomorrow. 

I am me. And I am one dashing boy, and one beautiful girl. 

4 July 2021

XXX

Since first writing this little essay, I’ve been doing a lot more examination of my gender. I have come to the conclusion that I am transmasc and nonbinary, and am shaky on the title of genderfluid. I am feeling less and less like a woman--if anything, occasionally adjacent to a woman rather than actually being one. I love feeling like and presenting as a man. I have my first appointment with a gender services doctor at my local community clinic for consultation on starting hrt testosterone. I am planning to start with low dose first, and see how I feel. 

I am still unsure of my exact identity, but I have found great euphoria with being and presenting as a man. I love being a man and everything that entails. I have loved myself like never before. Being with my partner is amazing, and he has been endlessly supportive--even recounting little things they had noticed throughout the years. One of the funniest being that I only ever referred to my body parts--my belly, hands, hair, genitalia--with masculine pronouns. I always seemed to see my body as male even if I had a certain sort of dissonance from it. 

Coming out has been difficult. I have had both positive and negative experiences from it. I have been told going on testosterone would be self harm, and that I can’t be something I’m not. I’ve had coworkers I trusted out me without my permission. But I have also had positive affirmation, polite questions, and discussions. I am terrified to tell my mother and her boyfriend--I have no idea how they will react and am terrified that I will be disrespected and disowned. 

But I am prepared to do whatever it takes to be my happiest and most authentic self. 

I have been binding a lot more often, wearing sports bras for long shifts at work, and occasionally going without either when I feel like letting my man boobs hang free. I’ve had the delightful experience of going to a men’s big and tall store and finally wearing pants. I grew up as a fat girl and felt as if I had to perform high femininity to be taken seriously and be treated well--and had been told by someone I trusted that I was too fat to wear pants, which I heavily internalized. So I had completely cast them away in favor of dresses and skirts, bows and gaudy jewelry. Realizing that I could wear pants was...totally wild. That I could be comfortable and look good in pants and shorts, and that it didn’t matter what people did or thought of me was life changing. Maybe I’ll feel like being feminine again someday, but right now this masculinity and masculine clothing, with perhaps the added spice of funky earrings, feels like home. 

I also grew up autistic and with PCOS, both which I think have affected my gender identity. Being autistic, I truly struggled to connect to others socially, and especially to understand societal norms. Being a proper woman felt like I was making up for everything else I was lacking--I may have been awkward, semi-verbal and weird with no friends, but at least I was cute and girlish. I never connected to womanhood though, and always felt out of place no matter how hard I tried. With PCOS, I had heightened testosterone, which meant wider breasts and shoulders, a lack of periods, and excessive body hair. I recall the endocrinologist asking high school age me if I had excessive body hair around my stomach, breasts, etc. and my mother jumping to say no I didn’t...even though I did. I remember suddenly feeling very self aware and ashamed of something completely natural, and even something I started to enjoy. I started shaving my entire body then. 

I even remember being in middle school, and thinking nothing of my hairy legs. In fact, I loved my body hair and how it felt. A rude girl began making fun of me though, tutting her tongue as she cooed, “Aw, does your mommy not let you shave?” Among other things, all throughout many years of severe bullying and abuse. I remember feeling ashamed, but not knowing why, and immediately shaving my legs, covering them in nicks from my shaky and unsteady hands, that same night. 

So many things set me back in my gender expression. So many things contributed to me willful ignorance and denial. I remember wanting to be butch, and everyone in my life laughing at me and saying I was too soft for that. That sweet, sharp ache in my chest. I remember going to a salad bar with my mother, wearing a button up and telling her I wanted to wear some more boyish clothes around that same time--I had already told her that I was bi sometime earlier. I remember her lip curling, looking uncomfortable, and telling me that I better not become one of those boy girls. My late father was very vocal in denouncing homosexuality and specifically men loving men--something which always sat horribly wrong with me on a deeper level. 

I think I might ending up being a trans man. I am still unsure and figuring myself out, but I struggle greatly with the autistic need for sameness vs. the trans need for change. My sapphic love of women has always been very important to me, and fully becoming a man rather than genderfluid is scary for that very reason. I am still navigating my identity and what it means to me and my reality--but no matter what, being a man, being masculine is integral to who I am. 

I was called a “sir” at a job interview for the first time the other day, and nearly began to bawl from sheer joy. The gender euphoria from that and so many moments is worth so much more to me than the years of suffering and ignorance and my ongoing struggles with dysphoria. I finally got a packer and have had help from my partner in learning to position it properly--I am thinking of cutting my hair even shorter. I have almost perfected a pretty basic tie tying skill. Okay, not really, but I’m getting there. I feel deep inside that even though my father loved me, he would not like who and what I am. Still, I wear the last watch he ever wore, and hope to be a good man like him--and to learn from the toxic parts of him to be an even better man. 

I am very excited to start hrt. I am terrified of hair loss and vaginal atrophy, but I look forward to so much more. I cannot wait for bottom growth and body hair, for the voice drop that will hopefully get me misgendered less. I have always felt disconnected from my voice and look forward to getting to know it better as it changes with me. I look forward to meeting with new facial hair. Working out and growing muscle. I just look forward to my second puberty and becoming more like myself. I look forward to navigating and exploring my gender even further, both with loved ones, support groups, and myself. 

More than anything, I am just happy to be me. 

25 August 2021

[oh-my-may]

Tsukishima, Sakusa and Osamu having a childhood crush on older! reader

requested: If you're not bussy ☺️ please write Headcanon for, Tsukishima, sakusa, and Osamu who has a Crush on childhood friend Older!s/o (like 5 years apart) ☺️🥺 They propose the her once when they were little and she replay "I'll marry you, if you grow taller then me"  It just so cute in my head.. ☺️😊 How are they will reapproach them years later when they surpassing their s/o height 🥰 Love your work btw 💕💕 

This?? Is such a cute idea ckdksks MY HEART <<<<333 I hope I did it justice :D

Also Osamu’s one is waaayy longer than the other two I’m sorry I got lost halfway through :D

warnings: underage(??) drinking in Osamus part, though it’s not underage in my country lol

Tsukishima Kei:

As children you guys were inseperable, your houses literally being on the other side of the street. The age difference between you never mattered when you guys were playing around.

You were as old as his brother and therefore you often came over to meet with hum, but Tsukki would always end up joining, especially after his brother started playing volleyball, you would always join in with Tsukishima.

Everything was great for a while, you would come over practically every day or they would visit you and then you would spend the rest of the day chilling and playing, until you and Akiteru got into Middle School and puberty hit you. Due to your age you were always a bit taller than Kei, but you grew even more.

Kei always had a crush on you, you being the only girl he only ever hung out with. You always talked to him about Dinosaurs or volleyball or music and he thought - since you shared most of his interests - why not propose? It made sense to 8 year old Kei. “Y/N... Would you marry me?”

You started to laugh and poor Kei got very confused. He was being serious about this. You saw his kinda shattered expression and froze, looking at him with a grin. You pet his head and said: “If you ever grow taller than me, then yes.”

And so the years passed, and gradually you spent less time with the Tsukishimas. You found a bunch of new friends in school that you regularly hung out with, and even though you still saw Akiteru in school and talked to him, walked home with him... You barely ever saw Kei. He seemed to grow a little more distant, he didn’t come to family gatherings anymore and rather just hung around in his room, listening to music. But frankly, you actually didn’t notice.

So eventually you graduate High School and live your life, though sometimes you still meet up with Akiteru to chat. And one day, he tells you about his younger brother. “Kei joined the volleyball club I was part of, remember? Little giant and all? Yeah, of course you do. And guess what - they actually made it to nationals! The first time since then!”

You are very surprised to hear this, though you’re glad and happy for Kei. What Akiteru suggests next though comes as a surprise to you. “I have plans for watching them as least once in Tokyo, wanna join?” And even though you haven’t seen Kei or spoken to him in quite some time, you say yes. And that’s how you end up in the Tokyo gym, swarmed by tall teenage boys and hundreds of guests. Akiteru drags you along with him through the crowd of people, determined to greet his younger brother before the game. And honestly? You feel a little excited to see Kei again, to see how he’s grown since his childhood.

You finally find the boys standing in front of a huge door that clearly leads to the inside of the gym. At first you don’t even notice, but when Akiteru calls his name a very tall, blonde boy turns around, looking startled. You’re a bit shocked to look into the face of the now 16 year old boy. He’s clearly grown since then.

Kei looks at his brother for a minute before his glance wanders over to the person he’s brought along - you. Suddenly his eyes widen a bit and his heart stops for a minute. He swears his entire life was flashing in front of his eyes - well, at least the part of his life he shared with you. All the moments you guys played as kids, runned around the backyard, talked, laughed... And now you were here? So many years after this?

“Y/N what are... what are you doing here?” The words tumble out of his mouth uncontrollably and theres a slight tint of pink appearing on his cheeks. “Ya, what’s that? Is Tsukishima flustered?” One of his team members come up beside him. He has a shaved head and tries to casually rest his elbow on Kei’s shoulder, but he fails. You notice how tall he has gotten - clearly taller than you. You have to laugh but also feel you skin heat up when you remember his question and your promise from 8 years ago.

“Why are you laughing now?” Kei seems a little helpless and confused, just like back then. It almost makes you laugh even harder. Does he even remember it? You softly place your hand on his arm, looking up into his face. His eyebrows are raised, they surpassed the lines of his glasses. “Kei...” you begin, but when you see how curious his brother and his members look at you, you lower your voice. “Remember when we were children... One day you asked me a very peculiar question and I answered with a promise.”

His head shoots up immediately and you see blood flushing his cheeks and ears in a violent red. His expression seems more than shocked and for a second he even chokes on his own breath. You grin, leaving him like that. “Rock the game, yeah? I don’t want to have travelled this far just to see you fail in the first round.” Kei is still frozen in the spot, though in the game hsi brother tells you how he seems even more focused and determined than before.

You may have teased Kei right there, but from then on you began hanging out with the Tsukishimas more, visiting them as often as you could when your career didn’t take over your life. And maybe, eventually, Kei asks you out after his graduation and this time you take it seriously and don’t make another promise.

Sakusa Kiyoomi:

As children your grew up in the same neighbourhood and your parents would always take you to the same playground.

You noticed the young boy immediately - every now and then between playing in the sand he would go to his mother and she would clean his hands thoroughly with wipes and sanitizer. That got you interested very quickly. So you just walked over and sat down next to him and his mom, watching as they would repeat the same procedure over and over again, until you eventually ask: “Why are you doing this?”

And this little boy just looks up at you and starts explaining how he doesn’t like dirt and why you, too, should clean your hands like this. So you try and after you do, the boy drags you along across the yard saying how other kids don’t like playing with him because of his habits. You’re a bit taken aback by this - even though you’re older, you’re still gonna be friends with this younger boy. He’s like 6 or 7 at that time and from then on you met him on the playground almost every day. And every day, you’d go to his mom to clean your hands properly and then go play with “Omi-chan”, as you called him.

And Sakusa would honestly admire you, treasuring you as his closest friend. Even though he was younger and smaller than you, you accepted him and his habits and you still liked being around him. “Y/N... Will you marry me someday?” he bursts out one day, his big dark eyes looking up at you. And you take a second to look at his cute face - his round eyes, the curly hair, the snub nose, his soft cheeks. You grin and your hand moves from the top of his head to yours. “Maybe when you’ll grow taller than me.”

And so time went on, until you got to Middle School and then High School. You grew closer and when you were older you stopped hanging out at the playground and rather met at your houses, the only safe and clean places he trusts. You even adopt some of his habits, like cleaning your hands etc. You make it a whole ceremony to clean your rooms together before hanging out.

And even after you got into college you’d still find time for him. Calling him every now and then, watching some of his games and meeting up with him whenever you were home. And of course you notice him growing up, too. The way his hair grows a bit longer and hangs into his face, his sharper jawline, the shape of his eyes. And - his height. When he was 15 he finally surpassed your height, but you both had forgotten about your little conversation at this point.

Until your mom hosts a garden party and his family is invited, too. They make you both take a photo together and when Sakusas mom looks at it, she suddenly remembers and hands her son an older camera, a video waiting to be played on the screen. You both exchange a confused look before you press play and you see the two of you as children, thoroughly cleaning your hands, the playground in the background. Sakusa looks up at you and says “Will you marry me some day?” and that’s when Sakusa stops the video, his eyes a little widened and the tips of his ears painted in vibrant red. At first you’re a little confused, as you wanted to see what you responded to his question back then, but when you look at your friend you suddenly realize and giggle.

Sakusa thinks he’s about to sink into the ground because of embarrassement. He never thought about his feelings for you as a crush since he didn’t know better. He always thought all friends act and feel like this and over the years, as he realized he was actually in love with you, he couldn’t picture himself with someone else. You were so considerate, so accepting. Never once in your life did you think of him as weird, you never disrespected him or made fun of him. And after all, you were always the one accompanying him to events and he did the same for you. And when he looked at you now - all grown up, confident, pretty, your curious eyes scanning his face - he thought about how he was never brave enough to admit his feelings for you. Not like this. And certainly not in front of you.

“Y/N... I know this might come across as weird now, because we’ve known each other for so long, and I know you’re and adult now and I barely just graduated High School but... I want to show you that I’m not that little boy from the video anymore.” He gulps when he looks at your face, your eyes still looking at his, a slight smile on your lips.

You sigh and place your hands flatly on his jacket, over his chest. “But Omi-chan... I already now that. Although if that was your way of asking me out on a date, then take this as a yes.”

Miya Osamu:

Your mom worked as freetime volleyball coach/trainer for children and sometimes you would accompany her, wanting to see what she was doing and also seeing a chance in getting to know new friends

So you’re casually in the small gym, watching as all the younger children throw around balls, laughing and chasing each other. You’re distracted, so you don’t see the ball flying straight into your face, causing you to stumble and fall. When you look back up, there’s a boy about 5 or 6 looking into your face, a curious expression on his face rather than a worried one. “Did that hurt?” He looks back up, his face turned to someone you can’t see. “Tsumu, I told you not to punch the ball like that!” What follows is a sequence of words you don’t understand, coming from the other end of the gym. You stand up on your own and follow his gaze. You rub your eyes as you see another boy standing there, looking just like the one next to you. A little irritated you look in between them a few times, before the one next to you dryly says: “That’s my twin brother, Atsumu. I’m Osamu by the way... And I’m sorry about the ball.” He points at your face, that frankly hurt a bit, it felt hot and will probably get red in the next minutes. Osamu turns to his brother again. “It was simply because my brother can’t handle the ball well!”, he shouts and his brother sticks out his tongue for it.

And so it began and you would join your mom more often from then on, watching the twins play volleyball and develop over time. They would always come up to you and ask who did better, who improved more etc... You were older than them after all, they trusted your judgement.

You would grow particularly fond of Osamu, since he was the one who seemed to care more for you, he was nicer to you and always come up to you in between practice sessions. At first he only asked about volleyball, if you play too or why not and so on, but when you came often he’d get more interested in you. And he was barely in Primary School, you were the only girl he knew closer and you were so... mature to him. He developed a cute little childhood crush on you. “Y/N, we should marry.”, he states one day. For a moment you’re a little surprised, but you laugh and squish his cheeks. “Maybe when you grow taller than me, Samu-chan~” you tease him.

And so it would go on for a while, years even. Throughout his Primary School years he’d always come to your moms little practice sessions together with his brother and at least one time a month you would hear the same question. “Will you marry me, Y/N?” and you would always answer the same. “If you ever grow taller than me, yes.” His brother very quickly notice his brothers behaviour and tease him. Sometime later, they were already in Middle School then, it’s Atsumu who approaches you. Of course you don’t notice, since they had the same hair back then. He even styled it like his brother, so there was no difference. Atsumu thought maybe, since he was a bit flirtier, he could settle something for his beloved twin. But he gets caught mid act and Osamu is furious. Let’s say this might or might not be the final reason why they color their hair different colors.

Over the years however, even though Osamus crush on you stays, he doesn’t ask you the question anymore. During puberty he gets way too embarrassed over all his past actions towards you, especially since you were older. You literally had a boyfriend, and yet his 11 year old self still asked. His toe nails were starting to curl just when he thought about it.

He never forgets, though. But even when he does eventually grow taller than you in his first year in High School, he still doesn’t say a thing. Of course he doesn’t, you’re in college at that point and probably already made out with so many guys... His blood was boiling just thinking of it, even though he knew he was being unreasonable and childish.

On the twins 18th birthday, they throw a big party. And of course you’re invited, you’re basically their oldest friend and have followed their “career” since the beginning. Both the twins are stupid drunk in no time and you sit down with Osamu after a wild round of beer pong. He’s completely out of it, his words almost incoherent but they still make sense. You literally heave him onto the couch and sit down next to him, still laughing. For a moment it’s just the two of you, him a lot more drunk than you, the music blaring in the background, lost in your thoughts. Until Osamu speaks up, the alcohol getting the best of him.

“You know how... When we were children... Well no, when I was a child... I’d always ask you stupid questions??” he goes, one index finger raised as he explains. The alcohol in your blood and getting to your brain makes you laugh at it. He still looks at you expectantly though, like he’s waiting for your answer. So you nod. “You always asked me if we would marry one day. Like... A lot. 10 times a year or so.” He nods exaggerated. “Yessss, and you’d always, ALWAYS, say, that you’d do it when... When I get taller than you.” That’s when he pushes himself up from the couch with big effort and looks at you, a dark expression on his face. He stays like that for a while, his face neutral but his eyes determined. Until he literally falls on top of you, the alcohol making him stumble around. You giggle, and Osamu apologizes a hundred times, though he likes the feeling of your arms magically wrapping around him. It’s like a reflex of yours, you couldn’t stop yourself. “You alright?”, you ask quietly. Your faces are barely inches away from each other and he still has this certain look in his eyes, that almost makes you shiver. You always thought of Osamu as a younger brother, but ever since he got into High School and he grew taller and muscular, but also his demeanor maturing, you sometimes caught your mind wandering off... Like now. He makes a vague face before he just leans in and presses his lips to yours, capturing them in a really sloppy drunk kiss. But it’s fine, you both enjoy it. When he leans back, a smug smile traces lips. “Now I’m alright. More than that, even.”

You drunkenly make out for quite some time that night, Atsumu filming some of that in the same state as you, just so he can show his brother what he accomplished. Eventually you both pass out on the couch and when you wake up it’s a little awkward at first, until you nudge him and say that you’ll give him a chance, now that he was an adult and taller than you.

[malfoysmaybank]

richie x reader where he pretends to hate her but actually doesn’t and the losers don’t know why he hates her but he’s actually in love with her

The Quarry - Richie Tozier x Fem!Reader

a/n: of course!! nobody died/ moved away in this and some street layouts were changed to help with plot details!! also, this is in she/her pronouns as of the request, but lmk if i need to make an alternate version with different pronouns for anyone!! enjoy, and ty to this anon who sent in requests for a bunch of underrated characters!!

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Finally, the last day of sophomore year. The Losers burst through the front entrance of Derry High School and headed towards the trash cans, like usual, to dump the contents of their school bags into the garbage. Y/N, the only other girl loser besides Bev, joined them as she had done since the 5th grade. 

------

Y/N had been brought to the group by Stan, the shyest but most friendly loser. The others had been suspicious of her at first, but she soon proved herself worthy of being a loser when she stood up to the Bowers Gang, who were making fun of the others.

Richie instantly liked Y/N. With her fiery personality and sarcastic humor that in ways rivaled his, how couldn’t he? They grew close fast, soon becoming best friends. They did everything together: homework, skating, they even killed Pennywise together when they were only 12. 

But in the 8th grade, he started pushing her away and blowing off plans with her, he never even told her why. They were obviously in the same friend group, so he couldn’t ignore her forever, so he went for the second best option: being a dick.

Now Y/N had very thick skin, but when he started hating her all of a sudden, she started to become very insecure and upset over him. Alas, she wasn’t about to let a man talk to her like that and not do anything. Eddie was the only one who knew how Y/N truly felt about how Richie treated her, having confided in him early on. But in the eyes of the other losers, Y/N didn’t give a shit what he said about her.

------

“Dude, why does she have to tag along for everything?” Richie groaned when he saw Y/N approach. “I don’t know, maybe cause these are my friends too? An odd concept to you, I know, since you think the world revolves around you.” She shot back and turned to the rest of the group. “What are you all doing tomorrow?” She asked. “I-I don’t know yet. I was thinking we sh-s-should go down to the quarry if everyone else is c-cool with that.” Bill said, still stuttering but only slightly, as he was growing out of it as he got older. 

The rest of the group agreed, including Richie, (surprising, considering he never agreed to anything if you did), and you made a plan to meet at the quarry with food at noon for a losers-only picnic. Y/N bid goodbye to her friends and walked back home.

------

“Bye, mom!” Y/N headed out of her house, backpack over her shoulder and bike in tow, to meet her friends at the quarry. As she neared the end of her street, she hopped on her bike and started riding down the sidewalk. “Yo Y/N, wait up!” She looked back to see Mike riding towards her, a couple of the others trailing behind. 

Mike, Ben, Stan, and Y/N all lived in the same area of Derry, while Bill, Beverly, Eddie, and Richie lived on the exact opposite side. Going anywhere usually meant each half of the group gathering and then meeting halfway. Speaking of the others...

------

“I still don’t understand why we can’t do anything without Y/N. She always makes everything so boring!” Richie complained as he walked to the quarry with the other 3 losers in his half. “Dude, you were just fine and dandy with her until the end of middle school when you started acting like she’s worthless!” Eddie argued back. 

“Look, I don’t know what the fuck has gotten into you, but you need to learn to at least deal with her, got it? She’s our friend and no matter what reason, you need to tolerate her because we love her.” Eddie gestured to Bill and Beverly who nodded, and then to Y/N and the other 3 losers approaching, who were all laughing at some dumb joke she said. I do too, he thought.

Richie’s heart skipped a beat and butterflies erupted in his stomach as he looked at you. Fuck, why does this always happen?! He suppressed the urge to hug you (why the fuck did he want to hug you for no reason?!) as he greeted the other three losers with a smile and wave. When she saw him smile, it was her turn to get butterflies in her stomach, as per usual. But forget it, she thinks. He hates you.

Y/N stripped down to her bathing suit and waited for the others to do the same. Richie subtly checked her out as he pulled his shirt off and turned to talk to Eddie and Bill. His muscles became more toned since last year, so Y/N was surprised when she saw him. She not-so-subtly checked him out as well. “Take a picture, it’ll last longer!” Richie calls behind him. “Could say the same to you, Tozier. I saw that, earlier!” Richie’s face flushed and he turned to Eddie again. That whole ‘jumping in the water with only undergarments on’ thing ended in 7th grade when everyone hit puberty, it just wasn’t going to work anymore (and for obvious reasons). 

Before anyone could battle her, she ran towards the edge of the cliff and jumped off. Her body hit the cold water and it felt amazing compared to the sweltering summer heat. She swam out of the way for the boys to follow and unsurprisingly, Richie was next. He was always the daredevil of the group. This was followed by Beverly, then Bill, Ben, Stan, and then Mike and Eddie at the same time.

After they all ate lunch, Y/N sat on the little shore on the edge of the water. She soon heard her name being called. “Y/N!! We’re playing chicken, get over here!” Beverly yelled. Y/N swam over and hoisted herself onto Bill’s shoulders. Beverly got onto Mike’s shoulders and the game started. Richie sat next to Stanley as he watched the game from the rocks. “You like her, don’t you?” Stan said gently. “What?! Of course not? Why would you even think that...” Richie wasn’t convincing him. “Whatever you say, my friend.” Stan said and patted him on the shoulder. Richie rolled his eyes and turned back to the game.

Y/N defeated Beverly for the second time and raised her arms in victory. That’s kinda cute, Richie thought. And he didn’t even second guess or correct himself this time. “We play the winner!” Stan yelled towards Bill and Y/N. “We do?” Richie whispered to him. “Yep, we do.” Stan replied and swam towards them. Richie soon followed suit. 

“Okay Richie, get on Stan’s shoulders. Whoever wins the most rounds out of 3 wins.” While Bill explained the game and all the rules, Y/N looked at Bev on the rocks. Bev gave her a wink and a thumbs up, whatever that was supposed to mean.

The game began and she tried her hardest to push Richie off of Stan’s shoulders. “Damn Stan, you got grip!” She laughed and Richie laughed too. Why was he being so friendly all of a sudden? She decided to talk to him about it later, she was having fun and she didn’t want to ruin it. 

Richie finally got her off of Bill’s shoulders and she tumbled into the water. She came back up and started laughing along with everyone else. “Y/N, we should clean that up real quick.” Eddie said and pointed to her elbow, which was scratched up. “Oh okay, that’s fine.” She said. “It must have happened when I was fighting Bev because it looks like it already started to heal up. I didn’t notice it at all.” She laughed and went up to the rocks to clean the small wound.

She grabbed the rubbing alcohol from Eddie’s backpack and started pouring some on the edge of a spare towel she brought. “Well, this is gonna hurt.” She said and hissed as she placed it on her elbow. She felt a hand rubbing her back and leaned her back onto the person’s chest, thinking it was Stanley, only to realize as she was reaching for the Neosporin and a bandaid that it was Richie. Since the other losers were maybe 10 feet away, she thought now would be a great time to confront him.

“What’s with you being all chill with me now? I thought you hated me.” She said and Richie sucked in a sharp breath. “Eddie talked to me earlier as about you. He said that I should ‘at least put up with you’ because you were part of the Losers Club and you deserve to be treated with respect because you’re their- our! Our friend.” He explained. Her heart sunk as she thought she realized what he meant.

“Oh, so you’re just being nice to me because you have to be?” She asked, dissapointed. “No no no!! Not at all, I’m genuinely sorry. To be honest... I don’t know why I was such a dick to you. I’m so sorry, Y/N. I should’ve had a mature conversation with you on why I was feeling so insecure and shit instead of ghosting you. Not only did it fuck up our friendship, but it fucked up any chances I had of being with you, as more than friends.” Wait, what did he just say? 

“It wasn’t cool and I feel so stupid knowing that I-” “Just shut up.” Y/N cut him off and placed her lips on his. He got over the shock fast, brought his hand up to hold her face, and kissed back. Their moment was cut short by Beverly. “Yeah Tozier, get some!!” She yelled and Y/N giggled as they pulled away and stood up. Richie laughed and flipped her off. 

“I know I’m not off scot-free, but does this mean you’ll at least give me a chance?” Richie asks hesitantly as they walk towards the other losers. Y/N put a finger to her chin and pretended to think. “Hmmm... okay. But only one. And we’ll be discussing boundaries and all that jazz tonight when I sneak you through my window and you stay the night.” She says with a serious tone and Richie nodded. He picked her up and spun her around. “Thank youuuuuuuu!” He sets her down and kisses her forehead, his lips lingering there for a moment. “Ewwww, do we have to deal with all your gross PDA now?” Ben and Mike say in sync and all the losers laugh. It’s not perfect, she thinks, but it’s pretty fucking close.

[side-shawty]

What the Tech?

Fandom: DC

Type: one-shot

Prompt/Summary: Damian Wayne with a quirky, tech-savvy girl.

Pairing(s): Damian Wayne x Reader

Requested? YES by Anon

This is an old old old request that I found in my drafts when I had a different fic account and I figured I’d share it with all of you. I was too shy to post things like this back then but now I’m more than happy to. (I couldn't find the og request so that's what it is lol)

-Duckie

Stupid Hackers.

Technically speaking it wasn’t exactly Damian’s fault that his katana had practically sliced Tim’s laptop in half. He should have never been working so close to the training area in the first place.

So now here he was, spending his free period in the library grumbling at his laptop as he attempted to break the codes that Tim had put on it as his way of revenge.

That was when you walked in. As per usual, you were spending your free period working on a new coding program in hopes of impressing the judges at the Wayne Tech contest next month. You always impressed the judges. However, it became harder and harder to work with Damian Wayne cursing under his breath and slamming on keys.

With a sigh you stood up, dark curls swishing in your face with the speed, and waltzed over to him.

You put a hand on the desk he was working at and leaned over the back of the computer, “What exactly did that laptop do to you?” You questioned looking curiously at your fellow senior.

“And what does it matter to you?” He asked without ever looking up at you.

“It matters because I can feel your frustration from the other side of the library, Damian Wayne.”

At the use of his full name the young heir finally looked up at you. This was your first time seeing him so close since the week-long project you did together freshman year. Since then it had been distance looks from the other side of the classroom and your stupid school girl crush came back ten-fold.

He was no longer the baby-faced 14-year-old and puberty had hit him like a truck. His face was all angles, blue eyes, and tan olive skin with a head of black hair that Y/N wanted to run her fingers through.

As Y/N cleared her throat and stood up straight again she failed to realize that Damian was having the same train of thought. He thought of how much she had filled out in all the right places and how she had gone from cute to dangerously sexy in the past few years—even in the school uniform. Her dark skin stood out against the pristine white of her button-down and her curls were a casually organized mess.

He cleared his throat, throwing a playboy smirk on his face as he leaned back in his chair. “Y/N Y/L/N, just the person I need. You’re good with computers right?”

You rolled your eyes, “Well I’d hope so considering I am the head of the computer club. What do you need?”

“One of my many idiot brothers has decided to put a series of codes and viruses on my computer and on it, I have a paper that’s due at midnight. Mind lending a hand,” he asked with a voice that could have made you rob a bank if he so desired. Walt, was he flirting with you?

“I’m sure if you just apologize and ask nicely he’d remove everything,” Y/N told moving around the table and leaning over slightly to have a better took at the screen.

“You don’t know my brother,” Damian scoffed, “he’d make me grovel and I refuse to ever have to stoop to that humiliating level,” he said, nose in the air and crossed arms.

You sighed, “Well move over and let me see what the damage is,” you motioned him to switch over to the next chair whilst you took his seat and got straight to work.

As time ticked by the awkwardness that had settled in the silence was driving Y/N crazy so she stared to ask Damian questions while she worked and soon enough he began to ask too. The awkwardness was long forgotten by the time the bell interrupted Damian’s next question about animals.

“Well if you have a last period class I can finish up here. I have computer graphics but I’m excused for today,” Y/N told him.

“It’s fine,” Damian replied, too quickly before he cleared his throat and regained his composure, “I have history but Mrs. James is so old she’ll forget to take attendance again.”

“Okay, well in that case maybe we should take a little break,” you stood and stretched all of your limbs exposing just a bit more leg that the young man couldn’t help but stare at as you went back into a standing position and held your hand out to him. He took it almost instantly and felt a warm electricity in his hand and spread all through him. you gave him a warm smile before walking to the vending machines just outside of the library.

“Pick anything you want, this one’s on me,” you said with a wink and never let go of his hand as you fished a debit card from your breast pocket.

Damian got an energy bar and you got a pack of skittles, your hands were intertwined until you sat down again and Damian felt an immediate loss of warmth.

You were about to start working again when you froze, “Good lord Damian is your brother so kind of brainiac level hacker? He put like fifteen more locks on it while I left,” You gave a heavy sigh and leaned far back in your chair, silently counting to ten before pulling eyedrops from your bag, using them, throwing your curls into a messy bun and cracking your knuckles.

He sighed and closed his eyes, rubbing his temples, “Maybe I should just rewrite the paper.”

You laughed and patted his shoulder reassuringly, “Don’t worry I can help.”

And with that, you stood to get your abandoned laptop from its place at the next table over just as the bell ending the final class of the day sounded.

You and Damian looked to each other in question.

“Do you, uh, wanna finish this back at my place?” Damian asked bashfully with a hand rubbing at the back of his neck.

“No!” you answered too quickly, and it took everything for the Wayne heir not to flinch, “Um, I mean, we can just go to my house. I live closer and, uh, I wouldn’t want to intrude,” it was your turn to look sheepish as Damian smiled softly.

Not wanting to make you any more uncomfortable Damian said, “Okay, I’ll drive.”

And that’s how it started. Every day you and Damian would meet up during free period and then after last class (if either of you went) he’d drive you home. His excuse was because he insisted that the beginnings of October were much too cold to walk home in a skirt and tights.

You couldn’t argue and you didn’t really want to.

During the daily meet-ups, Damian couldn’t help but notice the little things about you, like how you never wore the uniform tie and seemed to have a different color or patterned one every day. How you loved to change up the style of your curly hair as much as you could.

One day after school you asked Damian if he could drive you to the hair solan instead of home and when he asked why you saw a glint of sadness in his eyes. Why would you want to change anything about those beautiful curls?

But when you told him you were going to get box braids he seemed much happier. He even stayed with you for all the hours it took to finish them. This was when Damian knew he was in too deep, going as far as checking on your house during patrol and never telling the others why he’d stopped coming home immediately after school (or earlier).

Damian was happier and he knew the reason was you. He was happy with knowing that fact, and he told himself being your friend was more than enough. He was wrong.

Damian usually got to the library first but he got caught up talking to Colin and Maps on his way and when he got there your attention was occupied by one of the football players. He was obviously flirting with you and Damian hated the feeling that this gave him. But some of the tension fell when he realized how desperate you seemed to get out of that situation.

So Damian sprung into action and approached the two of you. You caught his eye over the jock’s shoulder. A look of utmost relief on your face and Damian cooly slid in and put an arm around your shoulders.

“Everything alright here, Y/N,” Damian asked as you placed a warm hand on his back in gratitude.

“Fine, Wayne, I was just asking Y/N here about her plans after the game on Friday,” the jock, Brandon, said smiling at you and doing his best to ignore Damian altogether.

Damian’s back muscles tensed beneath the white button-down at his words, “I’m afraid she’ll be otherwise occupied,” Damian replied and after being friends with him since the beginning of the school year you could read him much better now. But this was something different, like a mix of anger, and annoyance and…jealousy?

But that was crazy. Right? Why would Damian be jealous, it made no sense. Unless...

“Well, that's too bad. I guess we’ll catch up some other time, yeah?” He asked and you only nodded with a tight smile on your lips before Brandon turned and left. But Damian never let go of your shoulders.

You looked up at him but his eyes were glued to the spot that Brandon once stood, glaring.

“Damian,” you said looking to get his attention.

And when he turned to you, all of the tension instantly left him and he found himself lost in your Y/E/C orbs, kind face showing nothing but concern for him. He took in all of your features, from the polka dot hair tie to the electric blue tie tucked beneath her sweater vest. He realized he’d been staring for too long, but couldn’t bring himself to stop.

“What’s wrong? Is there something on my face?” You asked and he smiled softly at you. A smile only you ever got to see.

“No it’s perfect,” he almost whispered.

Though the blush wasn’t prominent the heat worked its way into your cheeks anyway.  

“Good. Now quick question.”

“Mmm?” he hummed.

“We’re you jealous?” You asked with raised eyebrows and his eyes widened in the slightest.

He sputtered just a bit and released his hold of your shoulders in favor of standing across from you.

Damian didn’t look at you as he asked, “Does it matter if I was?”

You stood shocked for a few seconds at his earnestness before replying in a teasing voice.

“Damian Wayne was jealous over little old me? Wow wait until the papers hear about this one,” you said and he finally turned to you at that.

“I might have a better story for them,” he told you, and his sudden mischievous aura sent a tingle down your back.

“And what would that be?” You asked.

“This,” he said before unexpectedly closing the distance between the two of you in a sweet kiss. He tasted like peppermint and you were quick to melt into him as he placed his hands on your waist.

When you finally pulled back he was smiling and you couldn’t help but do the same.

“Oh yeah, Vicky Vale would have a field day with that one.”

[greytoiletpaper]

Out on Allen Street, it’s 7 in the Morning

Set in the same-ish street-siblings universe as First Contact by @cryptids-and-muses and @a-sketchy-character @streetsiblings (they’re still awesome). Now, the pieces start falling into place or smth lmao :))

Drizzle | Deluge | AO3

Chapter 3: Squall

Did they get rid of her?

He dreads to think of it, but there’s nothing else he seems to be able to pick out from what information he gathers. Three years after he died, Cass (who hated killing, would never do it even for the worst of the worst) had nearly murdered the Joker. She almost finished the job until Batman saved the madman and subdued her. After that,

Nothing.

Not a single report on Batgirl. Nor a photo of Cassandra Todd. Only two traces he could find. One a significantly sullen Wonder Woman (he and Cass had liked her, and she, them). The other an interview of Bruce, repeating that she’d gone to ‘travel the world’.

Jason knows a lie when he hears one.

“It’s – It’s like she just disappeared,” He’s gripping his head, rocking back and forth while Rose smooths out his hair. “He cut her out of the family and then what?”

He remembers a promise, a vow Bruce had made with him. It had meant the world to Jason.

Bruce had broken that vow. Torn it apart and stomped all over it.

Rose watches him as he breaks down with no judgement in her gaze, just holds him close as his world crumbles around him again.

--

There’s a child in Nandra Parbat, and Jason has to train him.

“This is my son, Damian,” Talia had said to him, showing him some new kid as if he hadn’t just killed three assassins in the space of a minute. He would have said as much if she didn’t immediately order him to be the kid’s new teacher.

Looking at him now, all Jason can see is a small girl with a crooked smile mouthing his name. He blinks, and he’s met with a scowl and sapphire eyes (eyes just like Br-).

“Mother has requested you to be my instructor,” The kid repeats and lord, his voice is nasal. Jason chooses to stare at the kid, who fidgets. If he looks close enough, he could swear Damian’s scowl looks almost precisely like-.

“Is he mute, Mother? I do not see how an invalid could assist me,” He can tell by the way Rose’s head shoots up and glares at Damian whose side she would choose if this escalates. A flare of anger rises in Jason’s chest; his eyes start to flash a sharp emerald. Still, he pushes it down and diverts it to strengthening his stare, dominating the room.

He can’t read people the same way Cass can, but Jason could swear that the kid’s composure cracks at his uncertainty.

“Wanna repeat that for me?” Jason’s voice is low and even. He can tell the kid recognises the threat in his tone. To his credit, Damian hesitates before he honest to god tts, like every single other haughty, uptight rich boy.

“Regardless, habibi, you will treat your new instructors with respect,” Talia speaks, gesturing to him and Rose. “The quality of your instructors was incredibly subpar, and you have them to blame for killing the previous masters beforehand.”

“I do not think that a lowly thug and his harlot-,” Jason’s arm shoots out in an instant, clasping his hand over Damian’s mouth and clenching. Indignant fury flares in the boy’s eyes as Damian tries to slap Jason away. It does nothing, unsurprisingly.

“So long as you are under my tutelage, you will never speak that way to any woman. That is no way to speak to anyone, regardless of what they do for a living,” Somehow, the kid actually listens, the flinty look in his eye lessening somewhat. “I bet your own mother had to pull a fuck ton of strings just to make sure this meeting even happened in the first place.”

Jason glances up to Talia, expecting a reprimand. What surprises him is how genuine the approval she emits is. It hits him that he has literally confirmed to training Damian. He coughs.

“You should know,” Talia pipes up. “His full name is Damian Wayne-Al Ghul.”

Jason stares at the ceiling and curses the rain as it tap-dances with the universe, mocking him.

“All right, then, I’ll go to hell.”

--

Cassandra shakes herself from the nerves and rings the doorbell. The last time she had been here, she had kissed Alfred on the cheek and let him drive her all the way to the airport. That was only two months ago. Two months away from Gotham, away from Batgirl, away from-.

Bruce. He’s standing in the foyer, his gaze cold, but his body… his body seems unsure. She doesn’t know what to make of it. She half expects him to turn her away, but he moves to the side. He opens his mouth.

“Cassandra!” Steph darts from behind Bruce’s body, all flailing limbs and mismatched socks. “You’re here!”

“Yes.”

The girl grins, periwinkle eyes dazzling (They’re from the same cloth, just not the proper stitching) as she drags Cassandra away.

“So… how’s life in Hong Kong?”

“Peachy,” Cass answers honestly.

“Think of any names for your new identity?” Steph gesticulates to nothing, but her body language is focused on questions. So, she doesn’t give the girl any. They walk a little more until Steph decides to fill in the silence again.

“Tim’s dad found out about the vigilante business,” Cass nods as Steph talks. “Wants him to quit being Robin and Bruce doesn’t seem to know what to do about it.”

“His problem.”

“Well, duh. It’s just that….” Steph rubs her arm shyly, the same way she always does when she’s afraid of what she will say next. “When I was growing up, with my villain dad and addict Mom, I always imagined that Batman and Robin would save me. I’m here now, and….”

“You want to be Robin.” Cassandra deadpans, even as Steph whirls to gape at her. Really, it’s not like she wasn’t obvious. “Why not go for it?”

Silence for a moment. “Because I’m afraid.”

Cassandra looks at the blonde sharply. Stephanie Brown? Intimidated-by-Batman-and-joined-vigilantism-anyway Stephanie Brown was afraid? She doesn’t know what to think. That is until the dots connect in her head.

“You’re afraid that you won’t be able to help as much as you want to,” Steph scuffs the carpet glumly.

“With Mr. Anal-retentiveness-to-the-9’s? Yeah, that’d probably happen,” Steph sound so defeated and desperate that Cass curses because apparently, fate chose now to be when Steph is truly like Jason.

“Then don’t wear it,” Steph’s scuffing gets a little stronger. “I, for one, think you’d be a really good Batgirl.”

Steph makes an incredible impression as a fish and stares at Cass, barely wheezing as she gawks. “But Bruce -.”

“Bruce doesn’t have autonomy over Batgirl,” Cass smiles sweetly, echoing Barbara. “It’s your uniform now, and no one can take that from you but yourself.”

Her friend squeals loudly and squeezes Cass, gushing her gratitude over and over. Cass hugs her back, pretending it’s Jay she’s holding in her arms, giving the assurance of family she failed to keep.

--

He’s only trained with Damian for a few months, yet he’s seen more than he really should from the boy. His younger brother (the kid’s only a child, it doesn’t matter what Jason’s previous misgivings are) has been raised in the League of Assassins since birth. He can already use a sword with deadly efficiency at eleven years old. His attitude's as ruthless and condescending as every other assassin in the compound.

However, what is an exploitable weakness for Damian is the fact he’s only just started puberty. Most easily demonstrated when Rose makes a suggestive pose before tackling the boy and pinning him in place. Jason whistles because he’s fond of her, an asshole like that. Rose flips the bird at Jason and sticks out her tongue, now lounging casually on Damian’s squirming body.

It’s cute, the scene, but Jason knows how wrong it is. As long as Damian is with the League of Assassins, he won’t live normally. To find his own love, his own family. Even as the child wrestles with Rose and yells at him to help, it won’t ever be enough.

He’s not projecting.

He’s not.

He’s going to concoct a plan.

--

Ravi, Damian’s caretaker, has that air about him that Jason has only ever seen come from Alfred. So, he guesses trusting Ravi with this is more than okay. The man may be blind, but with him, they manage to smuggle Damian through the channels of the League, avoiding everyone who could threaten their goal.

“If I may ask, Mister Todd,” Ravi says as they reach the last legs. Jason nods. “Why are you doing this? To what gain is rescuing this child for you?”

“I don’t do this because I want to gain something,” Jason replies immediately. “No child deserves to grow up in this place. He deserves to have as good a childhood as he can get.”

Ravi stares patiently, hearing what’s unsaid.

“Sound reasoning,” Talia’s voice echoes around them. Everyone tenses. The woman steps out from behind the pillar ahead of them, alone. “And where, may a mother ask, are you taking my son?”

The woman’s voice lacks her usual veneer, sounding so genuinely earnest that he can’t help but blurt out: “Gotham.”

“Gotham,” Talia repeats, her forehead pinched. “With him?” With Batman? Jason bristles. “Might I remind you; he left your death unavenged and replaced you in mere months.”

“Fuck that,” Jason snarls. Ever since he came out of the Pit, madness clings to the edges of his mind whenever he thinks of how Bruce replaced him. This time, it only flickers. “What I want doesn’t matter when Damian needs his father figure. I’m – I’m not stopping him from having that.”

“So, you no longer wish to kill him,” Talia states. He sighs.

“I guess not,” Jason frowns, considering her presence. “Want to take him to Bruce?”

If Talia is surprised, she doesn’t show it, only beckoning for Damian to follow her. As the kid moves, Jason realises this might be the last time he’ll see Damian on the same side of the fence. He grabs the kid’s shoulder, who oddly doesn’t resist.

“Look, Damian,” Jason starts as his younger brother stares up at him. “Doing right is right, and wrong is wrong. A body ain’t got no business doing wrong when he ain’t ignorant and knows better.

“Living with your father, it’s rules like that he follows like gospel. He’ll love you; I know he will, but with him it’s always on the condition that you adhere to his principles. Can you promise something for me?”

Damian nods, soaking every word in.

“I need you to keep an open mind with what he says, but I don’t want you to follow them like gospel the way he does. You’re more than his soldier, you’re my brother, you’re his son.”

The kid nods again, shifting on his feet.

“And – And look after yourself, okay? And -,” The words that come out of his mouth feel like hot coals, but he has to say them. “And if somehow Cass is there, can you look after her too? For me?”

“Of course,” Damian answers softly before throwing his arms around Jason’s waist. “I will find your ukht, ahki, and make sure she is well cared for.”

Jason smiles. It's a broken, weary-looking thing.

“And Todd?” Jason raises his eyebrows. “You should confess to Wilson about your ridiculous affection. It is sickening to watch you two dancing around one another every lesson.”

Jason can’t help it; he laughs and lets his little brother go, his tears like raindrops.

--

Cass leaves the fresh hydrangeas on the headstone. It stares back at her, its date (four years) seeming to mock her from beyond the grave. Literally, Jay says in her head, which has her biting back the laugh that builds in her throat.

Bruce’s son had come in a few days ago, obviously an assassin child, yet he’s still… subdued, somehow. She knows the boy is there, at her brother’s grave, and that he follows her all the way to the manor. Even then, Cassandra lets it go. He probably took all his cues from Bruce anyway.

It’s when she’s sitting at the new memorial for Jason, a small statue of an apple with a plaque underneath, that Damian approaches her.

“Cain.”

“It’s Todd.”

Something crosses the boy’s face. She can’t tell what it is.

“Todd,” Damian says, his eyebrows pinching like a mini Bruce. “What is this?”

“It’s Jason’s memorial,” Cassandra traces the words on the plaque, a quote, one whose meaning she had struggled with a lifetime ago. She gestures to the book in her hands. “I read to it, every time I’m here.”

Damian looks like he’s about to say something about that, but he withholds it. Instead, he sits down with her, his head upturned, not unlike a bird.

“What was he like?” The boy asks, the words seeming to grit out his teeth.

“He was amazing, and we loved him so much,” Dick speaks up, out of nowhere, cutting Cass off before she can even begin. “I had a few issues with him, but I promise that I’ll be as good a brother to you as he was to us.”

Cassandra snorts, and Dick’s smile falls off his face.

“Cassandra, come on, I was just-.”

“You weren’t even a good brother to me or – or him.” She says quietly, because why is he even speaking now? “Why are you trying now? Why not before?”

“Like I said, I had a lot of issues with -.”

“I don’t care, Dickface.” Does it hurt to say Jason’s old nickname for the boy? Yes. Does she draw satisfaction at how much he flinches? Also, yes.

Barbara chooses then to speak up.

“I don’t think that’s fair for you to say, Cass.”

She freezes. The fact that even Damian, who hardly knows her, does the same with the others means they know how huge an error they’ve made.

“Don’t call me that,” Cassandra snaps, voice desolate and lethal, thoughts squalling and refusing to calm down even as she buries her head in the book in her hands.

Barbara sighs and calls Dick away to discuss the mysterious hacker that’s been pulling information from them. Damian, seeming to recognise her desire to be alone, follows him. Good. Cassandra’s mind falls in and out of a lull as her eyes try to refocus. So, she caresses the edge of the apple reverently. In its reflection, tears run down her cheeks. She can’t feel them.

--

“The information breaches just keep searching for Batgirl,” Barbara says, snapping Cassandra from her stupor. She pulls up a list; every entry confirms Barbara’s statements. Every entry, that is, except for one that catches her eye. The text flashes brightly, making her head spin, and she can’t look away because printed in the bright neon text is-.

There’s a memory, one she’s locked in the far recesses of her mind, where things like the Joker and David and all her other demons live. She remembers Faizul asking who her mother is.

David smirks, a savage thing he does whenever he’s about to order her to do something (murder, as it turned out, then) and says:

Sandra Wu-San | Lady Shiva

The words blare in her mind, bouncing round and round and blocking out all sounds in the cave. It certainly explains a lot; only Shiva can read the body like a novel. Plus, Cassandra isn’t sure that assassin skills are genetic but having two master assassins as biological parents should factor somewhere. It also opens a new avenue of thought. Why? Why did she give her up and never look back? Why did she leave her with her monster of a father? Cassandra craves needs answers, and she needs them now.

Staring up at the name printed on the screen, Jason once asked himself the same questions.

While the others discuss what to do, Cassandra has already listed Shiva’s last known locations and activities. They don’t notice she’s going to leave until she revs the engine of her bike. She sees them open their mouths, but over the sound of the motor, their voices fail to reach her.

All except, somehow, for Alfred and if there is anyone in this family Cass will listen to; it’s the one Jay loved the most.

“If you do pursue her, Miss Cassandra,” The butler has never been unkind to her, yet she can’t help but feel like he’s trying to keep her in place. “I am not sure if you will find what you are looking for.”

She leaves anyway, soaring underneath the tresses of Gotham as they settle around her, the mist obscuring everything but her path forward.

--

“Damian probably landed in Gotham last week,” Rose says casually. Too casually, she realises. Jace side-eyes her and snorts in response. Damn him and his ability to pick apart what she’s asking. Four years constantly in one another’s presence would do that to people with his life experience. Yet, as much as Jason can read her, she can’t say she can do the same for him.

Something about him seems fragile, like plaster covering a beautiful and distracting collage. Rose wants to dig past that plaster, through the collage and see the mind that is Jason Todd.

She has seen him at his highest and lowest points and always makes sure to stay by his side, as she does now. He’s her best friend; he might not know it, but he’s kept her sane (reassurances her father will not find her come to mind) just as much as she’s done for him.

“What do you think of the new Batgirl?” This time, she means to be conversational. When they stumbled across the profile of Cass’ successor, Jace had shaken his head and laid out half-heartedly into a punching bag.

“I don’t hate her, if that’s what you’re thinking,” That response was… not unexpected. But, when she raises her hickory eyes, Jason has his head raised to the sky. “I looked into her, and – and she’s like us.”

Oh.

“Girl’s from the Narrows. Didn’t live on the streets, but from her background, her home life definitely wasn’t that great growing up either.”

His hand is trembling, so Rose grabs it and tries to keep him steady with all the power in her.

“She’s going to do Batgirl proud,” Jason says shakily. “I think you’d agree.”

They stand there, leaning on each other, tranquillity settling around them as Jace lets his tears flow. It occurs to Rose that she never let his hand go. She doesn’t plan to. The feeling makes her feel warm inside, and as much as she wants to go further, she also doesn’t want to push her best friend away.

In the distance, the outline of a jet approaches the runway they’re on. It is time.

“You ready?”

“You wouldn’t believe me if I said yes.”

“Fair enough.”

“Hey,” Rose looks up at him, waiting for him to continue. “If anything goes wrong, I want you to stay out of sight of the others and get away from Gotham.”

Rose growls. “No way, there is no fucking way I’d leave you alone with them.” She steps closer, jabbing her finger on his chest. “I didn’t train with you for the past four years for it all to be thrown away just because Batman is an asshole. My dad’s just as bad, remember?

“You’re stuck with me no matter what Jace. Deal with it.”

He gives her a wry smirk that has her heart fluttering as much as her returning grin is sharp. Even as the plane touches down, she realises that he hasn't let her hand go, and neither has she.

In the next week, Red Hood and Ravager will carve their way through the deeper bowels of Gotham’s stomach, a bag of heads linking their iron fists.

For now, Rose breathes in the moist air as a drizzle begins.

--

Mad Dog, Cassandra muses, is a morbid reminder of what she might have become if she stayed with David. He doesn’t have her abilities, but he has more physical strength in spades; his movements are so strange, so unpredictable, that it’s not like it matters.

A deft swipe narrowly misses her throat, and Cassandra cuffs the man in the jaw with her knee, knocking him back.

She had definitely found Shiva. Tracked her all the way to some subset of the League of Assassins. The woman had only gazed coolly at her and set Mad Dog on her.

True to his name, the assassin growls and leaps at her, fury behind each of his strikes. Cassandra dodges one of these, the fist cratering the cement wall, and gets socked in the chest for her trouble. The force of the impact sends her flying metres away.

Getting up from the blow is a chore, and she can feel the agony her body is in, feels the blood run down her mouth as she rises. Her fist is shaking; her stance is uneven. Mad Dog notices, and he grins like David, drawing a jagged sword from his sheath and charges.

Cassandra darts past the assassin. She knows she can win this. Even though his movements are swift and deadly, she manages to outpace him. His sword strikes aim to draw blood as he swipes at her, but she’s still managed to weave her way around them, causing sparks to fly into the air. When he tries to hit her, she still uses his momentum against him and knocks him down.

Yet, Cassandra can feel herself getting slower now; her arms are still shaking. She dodges another strike, but it’s a feint, and Mad Dog grabs her by the hair and slams her onto the ground. Hazily, she watches his wicked grin widen as the assassin raises his arms and prepares his blade.

As Mad Dog is about to drive it into Cass’ chest, she thinks (This is it. It’s all over. It is time.) of a boy in an alleyway, an apple in his hand and a smile on his lips.

She closes her eyes and listens to the sprinkling outside.

--

“Do you think we were unfair to them?” Dick seems to ask to open air, but Bruce knows when his sons want a genuine response. “Like, that we didn’t give them enough credit for what they could do. And because of that, they’ve never had anyone but each other?”

Dick slumps. It looks so wrong on him that Bruce wraps his arms around him, especially careful (As a real father would. An insidious voice in his brain sneers). “Do you think, that if maybe we treated them so much better...” His boy is crying now, usually joyous lapis eyes cold and red-rimmed. “That they’d still be here?”

Bruce only grunts because not one of his answers is what Dick wants to hear.

On a slab of stone, the petals on the hydrangeas wilt, droplets dappling their edges.

Previous Chapter | Next Chapter

[martialstories]

Tape to tape - chap. 1

Coops - High School AU

All credits for the world & the characters for @lumosinlove. (I’d also like to thank the list of 100 most popular baby names in Canada in 2019 and Most Common Last Names In Canada for helping me figure out names for side characters.)

I did some more research and found out that hich school in Montreal actually lasts only 3 years instead of 4. For the sake of my sanity, we are just going to ignore it since I have no idea how to work with that time frame.

With this chapter we jump backwards in time to see what the beginning of high school was like for Sirius.

PSA. The texts in cursive are inner dialogue. ;)

Enjoy!

(ps. Hazel, absolutely loved the new chapter but hated the cliffhanger. Please post the next one.)

_______________________________________________________________________

Sirius admitted that he was nervous. It was the first day of high school. He didn’t really stress about school since hockey was the only thing that mattered in his family. But he didn’t like things changing. And this was a big change.

You’d think that school wasn’t important for a hockey player. Partly you’d be right. But school was the only thing that made Sirius feel normal. There he wasn’t the hockey prodigy with a name widely recognised already at the age of 15. He wasn’t the family disappointment who had gotten beaten behind closed doors for years. There he was just a regular teen who isn’t the best of the class but passes every exam.

“Have a nice day Sirius!” Linda wished from the driver’s seat. “Try to relax a little. You’re gonna be fine!”

Sirius glanced at her with his face emotionless. “I’ll try. Bye.” He said before getting out of the car.

This was the part he hated. He hated the mask he had to put on every single day. He hated that he wasn’t sure if his little brother would remember who he really was or if he’d only remember this stonefaced teen who could only try to smile when sneaking into each other’s rooms. He wasn’t even sure if he remembered how to smile properly.

He hated this and wanted to get out of here but he knew he was still too young. If he wanted to pursue a career in the NHL he’d have to stay in school for a couple more years and get drafted after he graduated.

”Black! I didn’t know you’d come to our school! Listen up ladies and gents, this man will be the biggest name in the league one day.” Sirius turned towards the side of the main stairs. There he could see sitting around 10 boys and girls all wearing the same school uniform. A dark eyed boy with cornrows was smiling brightly towards him.

”Nice to see you Felix. And don’t jinx it.” Sirius said walking over. Felix raised his hand to ruffle Sirius’s hair but he was fast enough to duck.

”Alright, alright. It’s nice to see you too Little one.” Felix grinned at him cheekily.

Sirius groaned a little. ”Oh don’t start that again. This year there will actually be people my age in the team.”

”Oh I know. But you can’t blame me. You were actually tiny when you started last year. That name was earned.” Felix started explaining to his confused friends. ”Black here was way too good for his own age group so they decided to transfer him to play with us older ones last year. The thing was that this boy hadn’t really hit his puberty like the rest of us so he was about a head or two shorter than the rest of us.” That caused Felix’s friends to laugh. Sirius was shaking his head.

”Where’s your other half Felix? I thought you couldn’t do anything without him.” Felix’s twin brother, Levi, suddenly appeared at their side. The rest of the gang jumped a little but Sirius just ducked instinctively to avoid the hand trying to ruffle his hair.

Levi didn’t even try to act surprised. ”Speak of the devil and he shall appear. Hello, Little one. I still think it’s slightly creepy that no one can surprise you. What do you think Felix?” ”Definitely creepy.” ”As I said.”

Sirius just chuckled lightly and tried to move on as fast as he could. There definitely were reasons to his constant awareness of the things happening around him but he’d never say those reasons out loud. ”Alright boys. I have to head to class. You don’t mind telling me where the French classes are?”

”Yep, you just walk in, take the first stairs you see up to the third floor, turn right and you are in the language corridor. Then just look at the classroom numbers.” Levi guided him.

”Thanks Levi. I’ll see you at practice!” Sirius shouted over his shoulder while walking towards the doors.

Sirius had asked Linda to drop him off a little earlier than usual so he’d have time to find his first class. Bumping into the Wright brothers had cut that extra time down to a couple of minutes. As he walked along the corridor Sirius kept his eyes open in case he’d see any of his relatives that would need to be avoided. He knew that he’d have to face them at some point but the first day wasn’t the right time to do that. The longer he could avoid them the better.

Once Sirius finally reached his French class he could see it was almost full already. The teacher greeted him with a nod and told him to go sit at the back of the class where there were two free seats next to each other.

’Hopefully I am the last one. That way I wouldn’t have to sit next to anyone.’ Sirius thought as he lowered his bag to sit next to the desk. Sirius sat down and glanced around the room to see if he recognized anyone. There were a couple persons he knew from his old school but he didn’t know them enough for them to try to start a conversation with him.

Before he could let out a sigh of relief one last person walked through the door. Sirius watched as he walked towards the teacher who directed him to go sit at the back next to Sirius. As the boy started to walk across the class Sirius got a better look at him. Slightly taller than himself, kinda lanky but his stance was strong. Curly light brown hair, couple of freckles on his cheecks and hazel eyes. A small scar on his nose and he was one of the few people who could make the school uniform look actually good.

’Cute.’ Sirius thought. ’Wait, what? Since when have I thought boys were cute?’ ’Since him. And the cute ice cream vendor that we met during the summer with Reg. But mostly since this one. This one is also hot.’ ’What? No. Shut up.’

The boy had already sat down next to him as he was having that fun little piece of inner dialogue. (’More like the beginning of an existential cris-’ ’Shut up!’) The boy looked at him and offered him a small smile. Sirius just nodded and turned towards the front.

The teacher introduced herself and went over what to expect from this class. After 15 minutes she told the class to get to know the person sitting next to you as you’d be doing a lot of exersices with them.

Sirius eyes widened a little. ’Shit.’ ’YES! Now we get to know their name!’ ‘I still don’t get what you are talking about.’ Sirius turned towards the boy sitting next to him.

”I guess we are going to be a pair.” The boy said. (’Ah, his voice is like the prettiest dream.’ ’What does that even mean?’)

”Yeah, I guess so.” Sirius answered. (Stop being a jerk, idiot! Go on, introduce yourself.’ ’Shut it.’)

”I’m Remus.” (’Mon dieu! His name is Remus! Merde, I’m going to faint!’ ’Please, I beg you. Do that!’)

”I’m Sirius.”

”Nice to meet you.”

”Nice to meet you as well.”

After that they sat in silence for a few moments until Remus opened his mouth. ”Is French you first language?”

Sirius turned towards him. ”It is.”

”Oh, well in that case I think I should warn you.” Remus chuckled quietly and raised his hand to rub his neck. ”I’m really not that good in French. I just moved here like a week or two ago so I haven’t had the chance to learn. I actually am a year older than you but they put me with the younger class in French since I need to catch up on this subject.”

Sirius raised his eyebrow. ”I see. Where did you move from?”

”From Wisconsin. This city is quite the change from the small town I used to live in.” Remus told him.

”I can believe that. Did you learn any French before moving here?” Sirius asked, starting to get genuinely interested.

”Yes, I decided to take it as an elective subject two years ago but you can’t really learn a language in two years.”

”Well, it’s good that you don’t have to start from nothing.”

”D’accord! That’s enough. Now let’s go through the first chapter.” The teacher interrupted the chatter. Everyone started to focus on the teacher but Sirius was too busy gazing out the window and trying to figure out what he was feeling.

After French Sirius had a math class before lunch. There he found Felix and Levi again and sat with them. He knew it might have looked weird, a first year sitting in a group of third years, but he had no intentions to find new acquaintances. He had met the brothers last year and they were the few people he actually was friends with in the team. While Sirius played center, Felix and Levi were a pair of defencemen. They were also loyal and kind and Sirius liked them. After lunch he had two more classes before it was time for hockey practice.

The rink wasn’t far but Levi offered him a ride since they had to carry their equipment with them. Sirius accepted the offer so after school he climbed into Levi’s car. Once they arrived they got their gear on and headed to the ice.

”Okay, boys! Settle down and gather around! I know it must have been an exciting day but you can spare the talk for home. Today we are going to do warm-ups and then some drills. After those we should play some easy games to figure out the best positions for you.” Coach called from the bench.

Sirius didn’t really like this part of the season. They had started training a few weeks ago already but it was still confusing with the new players. The team dynamic always changed with older players leaving and younger ones coming in. It always took a little while for everyone to find their places.

”Let’s start with sprints, so skate around the rink and every time you reach a blue line sprint to the other one. Questions? Ok. Go!” Coach said and glanced at his watch. The team started to skate around the rink. Some players wanted to focus on the drill like Sirius but others were chatting casually.

Levi and Felix skated up to him. ”Look at the boy coach is talking with. Do you think he is gonna join our team?”

Sirius looked over to the bench but the boy there had already started to walk away from the rink. ”I don’t know. Didn’t see him.”

”Well he had skates on and looked to be around our age.” Levi reasoned.

Just as Sirius was going to answer Coach called them over. ”Good work! Next we are going to move onto the next drill but before that I want to welcome a new player to the team. This is Remus Lupin. He just moved here from Wisconsin, so be nice.”

Sirius froze a little. He watched as Remus came from the tunnel wearing a team jersey. He nodded at Coach and said hi to the team before kicking himself onto the ice. ’Oh this is wonderful.’ ’Stop. Focus!’ Sirius shook himself out of his frozen state as Remus skated over to stand next to him. They exchanged nods with each other and turned towards coach to hear him explain the next drill they were going to do.

For the first half of practice Coach made them do drills. While waiting for his turn Sirius could try and figure Remus out. He could see that Remus definitely knew what he was doing. His movement with the puck looked natural and easy.

At the beginning of the second half Coach gathered them around himself. Then he instructed the ones that played last year to find their old lines. Sirius stayed where he was as two guys skated towards him. Grayson Lee and Fenrir Greyback. Grayson was a smart guy and player and Sirius was glad to have him on his left wing. Greyback on the other hand was completely another story. In Sirius opinion he could have easily been a part of the Black family, with how racist and homophobic he was. Sirius really hoped he wouldn’t have to play another year with him but it seemed like he’d have to. None of the new players seemed good enough to compete with Greyback yet.

After they had gathered there was still about 10 guys left. ”Alright, now let’s see what we have left. Roy, you play left wing right? Go over there. Is here any defencemen? Ok, you can be a pair. Any centers? You can go…” Coach started distributing them into lines. At the end there was one new line created and the rest had been spread around the team. ”Let’s try with this. I’ll change your lines if needed. Black and Ricard, you first.”

Sirius won the first puck and immediately realized how much he had missed playing. During the summer they had had hockey camps and a few practices but it had been mostly other forms of training. He had missed how he could just play and forget about himself for a while.

Coach shouted directions and shift changes from the bench. These matches really didn’t have any winners. It was just to see who played well with who. When Sirius wasn’t playing he was following other players. Really he was just waiting for Remus to get on ice since he was the only one who he hadn’t seen play.

Finally coach shouted for Sirius’s line to get on. At the same time the opposing line was changed with the line Remus was in. ’Well, no we’ll see how he plays.’

The puck was dropped and Sirius won it. He passed it to Felix in defence who passed it back to him. Sirius started to circle opponents when suddenly someone came next to him and stole the puck from him. He turned quickly to see the other player already skating over the centerline. ’Is that Remus?!’

”Black! What are you doing?” Greyback shouted at him from across the ice.

Sirius just ignored him as he raced to get to Remus before he got the goal. Sirius could see Remus looking around him in search for his teammates to pass the puck to and realizing that they were still in their defensive zone.

’He’ll have to try to score by himself.’ Sirius thought. Remus seemed to have come to the same realization as he skirted around the goal. Remus managed to avoid Greyback trying to slam him against the boards and flipped the puck over Plante’s right shoulder. Coach blew his whistle in a mark for a goal and Remus’s teammates, who finally got to him, slammed into him. The bench was standing and thrumming the boards approvingly.

Coach shouted over the noise. ”Alright Lupin! We gotta change this up a bit, it’s clearly not working as it should. It sure is a pity there’s no tape on you as it would make my job a lot easier. Let’s put you with the older ones.” Coach decided to try Remus in Ricard’s line. Sirius’s line jumped over the boards for a break as another one settled to face Ricard’s.

Remus could clearly play better with Ricard’s line but the dynamic still wasn’t the best match. Ricard’s shift consisted of big guys who used their sizes in advantage. Remus on the other hand wasn’t as big but was one of the fastest players Sirius had ever seen. ’I wonder if we’d play well together.’

Ricard’s team scored a goal and it was Sirius’s turn. After they had played for a few minutes Coach whistled. ”Greyback! Switch with Lupin.”

Everyone stopped. It was rather rare that the top line would be altered. Especially with a newcomer.

”But Coach! Lupin hasn-” Greyback tried before Coach cut him off. ”Stop complaining. I want to try this out.” Coach nodded at Remus who was looking between him and Greyback. He jumped onto the ice as Greyback shot him a dirty look.

Remus took his place on the right side of Sirius and the puck dropped.

At the end of practice Sirius had already gotten used to the new dynamic of his line. He actually wondered how he had coped without it. Without Greyback Sirius’s line could simply use their speed and skill in advantage. Greyback was moved to Ricard’s line, where he in Sirius’s opinion fit well. He, after all, was on the bigger side and usually liked to use his size over his skill.

Remus on the other hand had been a complete surprise to Sirius. He didn’t often encounter players who could match his level but Remus was one of them. When Sirius may have been the best in handling the puck and one of the fastest, Remus was definitely the fastest and didn’t leave far behind in puck handling either. He also played well with Lee and Sirius was sure they would be a fatal trio this season.

[mdotmaro]

Winging It.

Chapter 2

Author's Note: I am so ecstatic at the reviews you all have left. I appreciate every kind word and am only mildly afraid of constructive criticisms :). I am going to continue this story along with a vague idea of what happens next. Confession time: I see much of my own relationship with Casey and Derek. No, not step-siblings, just their connection. The club scene with the drunken dancing and then kissing… yeah, that actually happened to us. Extra fun fact is that I was his boss at the time :P ANYWAY! Onto the main event.

"So, the glory of the stage wasn't all that in the end?" Lizzy assumed as she carefully packed Casey's dishware into the appropriately labeled boxes. Marti was on bathroom duty, and Nora was working on linens while Casey was backing her clothes and shoes. Casey's announcement to leave New York and go back to school for business with a minor in dance was warmly welcomed. Nora admitted that she was selfishly glad that Casey would only be a few hours away by car instead of a plane ride away. Marti was more curious about what happened. The now ten-year-old went through Casey's bathroom with precision to see if there was any clue her step-sister was hiding.

"Did Jessie do something stupid?" Marti asked from her perch on the bathtub. Casey gave a short laugh.

"No, he didn't. Even if he did, it doesn't matter. We broke up months ago. He was just a summer romance." Casey said with a reassuring smile. Marti narrowed her eyes, not entirely convinced. Casey desperately wanted to change the subject, so she moved to Lizzie, who was tapping up the last kitchen box.

"So, speaking of summer romances. Have you heard from Oscar, Lizzie?" Casey asked abruptly; Lizzie slipped and cut off a much longer piece of tape than was needed. She glared at her older sister, who mouthed 'sorry' to the now blushing teen. Lizzie cleared her throat.

"Oscar lives in Parkhill, and we have a date over at the skatepark over there. He is going to teach me to skateboard." Lizzie said and quickly picked up the box and scurried off downstairs to the car. Marti came out of the bathroom with her box and a confused expression.

"But Lizzie already knows how to skateboard. She taught Edwin and me," Marti said, and Nora giggled and took Marti in a light hug.

"Yes, but Oscar doesn't know that," Nora said with a smile, and Marti shrugged, still not understanding but not invested enough to keep asking. Casey, Nora, and Marti went downstairs for the last time and finished packing the moving truck. Casey would fly back with the girls, and after a weekend at home, she would go to Queens to start the Summer semester.

Normally Casey loved falling asleep on long flights, but her heart was beating too fast for her to relax. Derek had left New York from his short trip to see Casey two weeks ago, and they were still 'Winging it,' so to speak. They talked nearly every night, more or less the usual banter and teasing, but there was something else there. It was impossible to tell how the family would react to the eldest step-siblings 'winging it,' so they had both agreed not to say anything until they were sure. Casey was relieved she could convince Nora and George that she could live by herself in a dorm instead of in an apartment with Derek. They were afraid of her being alone, but she quickly reminded them that she had lived alone in another country for six months and did just fine.

Besides, the idea of them living together so soon after they...they kissed. Casey absentmindedly touched her lips in the memory of those hot at heavy sessions at the club and in her room. She unconsciously clenched her thighs together. They didn't move past the over clothing caresses and kissing. Casey had tried having sex with Jessie, and by tried, she means tried to go for longer than a few seconds because it was just too painful. Jessie wouldn't pressure her to go any further than she was willing, but coincidentally after the third time they tried having sex with no success, Jessie came over to say things were not working out.

Casey had been relieved, but now what? Derek, Casey imagined, had a lucrative sex life in university, and now that they were... whatever they were. How could she tell him that sex was so painful for her?

"Casey. Your cuticles are bleeding." Lizzie said, snapping Casey out of her intense thoughts. She had been peeling the excess skin at her cuticle, and sure enough, little garnet bubbles of blood had appeared around her nails. Casey quickly wrapped her especially mutilated middle finger in a napkin and applied pressure.

"What's wrong?" Lizzie asked and then peered over to the aisle across from them where Marti and Nora seemed to be sound asleep. "It's just me. You can tell me, and then it could make up for totally throwing me under the bus earlier." Lizzie teased and poked at Casey's side. Casey gave her little sister a guilty smile.

"Sorry again about that," Casey sighed and contemplated telling Lizzie everything. Her little sister was extremely mature for her age, but she adored Derek like a blood brother, and Casey knew that this would be jarring even if Lizzie acted supportively. Casey decided on half-truths.

"I am nervous about having sex," Casey whispered, and Lizzie furrowed her brows.

"But you and Jessie never?" Lizzie asked, and Casey let out a heavy sigh.

"We tried, but it was just too painful," Casey admitted, and then Lizzie shook her head.

"From what I have researched, sex is not supposed to hurt. You are not really even supposed to bleed because of your 'broken hymen.' If it hurts that much, he is doing it wrong." Lizzie explained, and Casey couldn't help but smile at her sister. Of course, she researched sex. A quick flush of panic ran through Casey, and she looked at her baby, 14-year-old sister. Had she already had sex? Lizzie laughed at her expression.

"Relax, I haven't had sex yet. Not really interested yet, but I have plenty of condoms when I am ready, and I will make sure I have mom or George take me to get the pill. Casey stared at Lizzie, quite impressed.

"Have you told Nora and George about your well-calculated plan? And where did you get condoms?" Casey was trying to keep her volume down not to alert the other plane passengers. Lizzie shrugged.

"George kept having to leave the conversation to go outside and get some air, but mom was glad I am being responsible, and I got the condoms from Edwin," Lizzie explained. Casey had a brief moment to imagine sweet George trying to compose himself at the idea of his stepdaughter having sex. Casey was sure that he would need therapy after Marti hit puberty.

"And where did Edwin get condoms?" Casey asked incredulously and then realized at the same that Lizzie said

"Derek," they both said in unison. Maybe it was naive, but Casey, the thought of her little siblings being open to the idea of having sex made her queasy. Casey's finger stopped bleeding, and she tucked the bloody napkin into her now empty bag of pretzels.

"Don't worry, things will happen naturally, and now if you want to bail, you can use Derek as an excuse," Lizzie tried to reassure. Unfortunately, her timing was awful, and Casey choked on her water that she had been drinking. Lizzie smacked her back hard, and a few curious passengers turned to check on the commotion. Casey finally regained the ability to breathe and nervously laughed at Lizzie.

"And what would Derek do?" She asked, trying not to sound shrill. Lizzie smiled at her sister.

"Oh well, he can play the role of overly protective brother," Lizzie said but then tilted her head in thought. "I mean, he wouldn't do it for free" She laughed. Casey gave Lizzie a small smile and let out a deep breath, and continued to look out the window. Maybe she was getting ahead of herself. She and Derek hadn't even been on an official date yet. Sure they had gone to eat in the city and run around central park and even went to an amusement park but had those counted as dates? I mean, they held hands through the corn maze, but Derek insisted it was because he didn't feel like chasing after her when she inevitably got lost.

Casey smiled at the memories. Something else that made her chest flutter was waking up next to Derek. She missed being held while she fell asleep, but it's not like they could do that right away at university. There were rules. Weren't there?

Edwin had just passed his driver's license and was glad to volunteer to pick them up at the airport. He had seemed to have grown several centimeters in the six months Casey had been away and now was slightly taller than her.

"Edwin, look at you!" Casey said as she attacked him in a bear hug. Edwin grinned and twirled so she could see his new and improved preppy wardrobe too. His jeans seemed uncomfortably tight, and his polo was maybe a bit snug, but his face was losing its baby softness, and he had a ghost of a mustache on his upper lip.

"I know, your little brother Edwino is all grown up and looking cool," He said, and Casey couldn't help pinching his cheek.

"Aww, you are so cute." She said, and he shrugged off her pinching.

"Casey, cute isn't cool. I am a man now." Edwin protested. Marti laughed as she passed her brother.

"Really, you're a man now. Why didn't we get the memo." She snickered, and Lizzie laughed as she went into the backseat to join Marti. Nora squeezed Edwin's shoulder reassuringly.

"Aw, don't listen to them, Edwin. We know you are a man, and speaking of which, we can start talking about when you can pay for your car insurance," Nora said, and Edwin gulped. Casey road in the back with the girls and Nora road shotgun. They were all talking animatedly, talking about school, Simon, and generally anything in the neighborhood. Casey was excited to see Emily. They had coordinated to see each other the next evening. Casey was hoping to talk to Emily about her and Derek, just to be able to talk to someone for advice. Emily and Derek broke up a week after graduation; things just seemed a bit forced. After having a crush on someone for so long, it was hard not to be crushed by the heavy expectation of a perfect ending. Emily actually was discovering a newer side of her sexuality and actually had a steady girlfriend, Ruby.

The house came into view, and before she could get swept up in the nostalgia, her heart dropped to her toes at the sight of the prince in the driveway.

"Wait. Why is Derek here? He isn't supposed to pick me up until Sunday?" Casey asked in a loud and almost shrill voice. Nora sighed.

"He was able to come down for the weekend. Isn't this great, Casey? The whole family gets to spend time together before you both go off to University. So, try to be civil, please." Nora pleased, and Casey sighed and nodded to her mother. George came out with a crying Simon. Casey had been right on her assumption that he had doubled in size. Poor George looked exhausted but smiled at his eldest step-daughter warmly nonetheless.

"Casey, it's great to see you," He said, and Casey hugged him and reached for Simon. The baby was pink-cheeked and bundled in a light green onesie. Casey started cooing at little Simon and rocking him lightly.

"Careful, he just projectile vomited on Derek," George warned after he kissed Nora. Casey chuckled.

"Knowing Derek, he probably deserved it," Casey said with the same cooing voice. She was surprised at how quickly the jeer came to her. Old habits, she guessed.

"Well, he is taking a shower now, so you'll have some time to get settled before you two go at each other's throats," George said and took her dance bag from her shoulder. Casey thanked him and went to sit on the couch.

"Oh hey, Casey, I hope you don't mind. We had to do a little room rearrangement with both you and Derek gone. We moved Edwin into Derek's room and Simon into his old room, and yours into a guest bedroom, so If you don't mind sharing the space with Derek's things. While you're here." Nora said and then clarified after seeing Casey's wide eyes. "Just his things; he will be taking the couch at night." Casey might have a nervous breakdown before the end of the weekend.

Simon started reaching out his tiny pale fists towards Nora, who happily collected her baby. Lizzie dragged Casey up to show her how she redecorated her room, and such was the process for the other two Venturi children. Casey retreated into her old room, now a guest bedroom, and exhaled against the door. She assessed the room. Gone were her ballet trophies and academic achievement awards. Now there was a pale yellow walled, neutral sandalwood furnished and fluffy white carpeted room. Derek's battered duffle bag was on the cream-covered bed. Casey swallowed thickly and thought back to her conversation on the plane with Lizzie. Derek had given condoms to Edwin. Did he pack any for this weekend? Was he expecting something to happen in their parents' home? She had only just begun to unzip the bag when a voice came up behind her.

"Snooping, Case?" Casey shuddered at Derek's warm breath on the back of her neck. Casey jumped and reflexively swung a pillow at Derek.

"Der-rek, you scared me." She shouted and then took an extra step back when she realized that he was shirtless and slightly damp from the shower. Derek had always been lean, but there was a new indent of muscles, especially at the v of his hips from piling more hours at the rink in university, and Casey forced her eyes to stay now lower than his collar bones.

"Yeah, but you were still snooping. What's up Casey, you seem a bit flushed?" He said with a level of sarcastic concern; he couldn't keep the mischief out of his dark eyes. Casey kept her chin held high.

"I just wanted to make sure you didn't bring anything inappropriate that the kids could find, like how you gave Edwin condoms. He is fifteen, Derek," She said hotly. Derek caught on to her real question.

"Well, he's at that age where it's better to be safe than sorry, and though he is not as in with the ladies as I was, it's part of being a big brother," He said and took another step towards her. Casey was already leaning against the nightstand. There was no. Further, she could retreat to. "But don't worry, I wasn't expecting anything this weekend," He reassured and then smirked. "And in our parents' home no less, for shame, Macdonald." He teased and cupped her chin once she let out a relieved exhale.

"Oh, shut up. I just wanted to make sure you didn't have any ill intentions." She said but leaned into his touch nonetheless. She quickly glanced at the door. Thankfully she had thought to lock it. Derek followed her gaze, and with the minor level of privacy, he leaned down and kissed her pouty lips. Casey sank into the kiss; his wet curls brushed her forehead and ran her cool fingers down the side of his face. Derek's hands roamed up and down her sides, occasionally dropping to squeeze her outer thighs. The feeling made Casey release a shuddering gasp. Derek moved both hands to her face and kissed her firmly before breaking away.

"Think you can hold off with just that for now, Case?" He asked, a bit breathless. Casey looked up into his eyes and saw the restraint he was using, so she offered a small smile and let the tips of her fingers whisper down his torso and then stop at his jeans' waistband. Derek bit back a grunt.

"Sure thing, Der," Casey said and turned to head downstairs. When she didn't hear his footsteps trailing her, she saw him with his back facing her and his hands resting on his hips. "You coming?" She asked

"Mhmm, Just give me a minute," He said, and Casey bit back her giggle. Derek let out a breath.

"Oh, don't worry, Princess. I'll pay you back."

Next day

"I'm sorry, run that by me again. You and Derek?" Emily asked for the third time. They were at Smelly Nelly's, and Casey was picking at her salad.

"Sorta. It's just something that happened all of a sudden when he came down to New York. Now I just keep getting all flustered around him and even the thought of him." Casey explained and then gave up on her salad altogether with a groan and holding her head in her hands. "Pathetic, huh."

"Well..." In a high-pitched voice, Emily caused Casey's head to look up and give her best friend a desperate look.

"Emily! I am in a delicate state right now." She complained, and Emily giggled at her friend's antics. Same old Casey.

"Casey, I am your best friend, and so it is my solemn sworn duty to inform you that this is not all of a sudden," Emily indicated with outstretched hands. "You two have had this intense chemistry that you both were too stubborn and thankfully young to understand. I had my suspicions, but I didn't want to jump the gun before you told me and inadvertently caused you to blow it out of proportion." Emily explained and then took a sip of her mint tea. Casey was in open-mouthed shock.

"I don't blow things out of proportion." Casey protested. Emily pursed her lips into a knowing smile. Casey waved it off.

"I mean, this is wrong, right? He is my stepbrother; we've known each other since we were fifteen," Casey whispered. Emily sighed.

"It's not conventional, that's for sure, but as you said, you were fifteen when you met. You didn't necessarily grow up together like Edwin, Lizzie, and Marti have. Have you guys talked about it?" Emily asked. Casey nodded.

"We have; since we don't really know where this will lead, we didn't want to get everyone at home involved, especially the kids," Casey explained, and Emily nodded in agreement and then reached out to hold Casey's hand.

"Casey MacDonald, you are stuck in your very own version of 'Clueless.'" She teased; Casey couldn't help but laugh at that. She conjured up her best Cher impression.

"As if! Derek wishes he were Pual Rudd."

The weekend hadn't been such agony to get through as Casey had predicted. Thankfully with so many people in the house, it was easy to slip a gaze or two, and hand grazes without being noticed. All things carried on well until Sunday breakfast.

"Okay, Derek, now that Casey is going to school with you, be sure to look after her," George said before shoveling down some eggs. Derek was across from Casey at the table and gave a nonchalant shrug.

"I'm pretty sure Casey can take care of herself." He said through a mouthful of bacon.

"For once, you're right, Derek," Casey said with as much bite she could muster. "I will be fine, George, and I didn't need Derek to save me in New York. I don't need him to save me in Queens." She said proudly and continued to eat her avocado toast.

"I didn't know you went to see Casey in New York, Derek," George said, and Casey almost choked. Derek gave Casey a leveled look that read, 'Way to go, Space Case.'

"I take it back; Casey needs all the help she can get. She called whining about everyone being so mean to her, so I took pity and flew in." Derek said a nudged Edwin. "The theater girls were hoooot," and the brothers shared a chuckle. Lizzie made a disgusted sound, and Casey tried to keep the burning blush from rising from her chest.

"I should have let them rip you apart." She snapped. Derek rolled his eyes.

"Please, unlike you. I can handle a few catty girls." He said, and Casey chucked an apple at his head, he easily ducked, but Marti wasn't so lucky.

"Oww, Casey!" She shouted.

"Oh, I am so sorry, Marti." She said, and her stepsister grumbled by something along the lines of 'quit flirting.' Only Derek was close enough to hear, and he froze.

"What was that, Smarti?" He said, and she looked up at her brother, and her dark blue eyes said that she knew far more than they were letting on. Derek frowned at her; when did Marti start rebelling against Derek? Mari batted her lashes at him and smiled.

"Oh nothing, Smirk. I am just going to miss you and Casey when you go away." She said and threw her arms around Derek's neck and whispered so low that only he could hear. "I know."

[zuucc]

OLDER BROTHER: W. Nylander I FLUFF/SMUT

Words: 29K+

Summary: You’ve grown up with the Nylander’s. With your parents being friends and you being the same age as Alex, the two of you have been best friends for longer than you can remember - but somewhere during your early teenage years, his older brother started becoming more handsome and interesting, and less annoying older brother. And somewhere during your early teenage years you became more beautiful and grown up and charming, and less like Alex’s awkward best friend.

Warnings: Extreme cuteness?? cursing and smut + some alcohol

Warning #2: I spent 3 whole hours rereading/editing this... So grab a bottle of water and some snacks

Author’s note: Let’s just pretend that drafting and the Nylander bros leaving Sweden just isn’t a thing. And I am sorry for a lot of commas sometimes, I’m just a grammar bitch. (Also, the age of consent in Sweden, where the story is set, is, according to Wikipedia, 15. Just so you know ;))  AND I AM SORRY FOR THE WAIT!!! HOPE YOU ENJOY!

Masterlist tagged in bio.

July 2011

“Why are you blushing?” Alex asked, looking at you with furrowed eyebrows and curious eyes. You’d been playing in the pool, splashing each other and hitting each other with pool noodles, but now that William had decided to show up, 15 years old and in all his shirtless glory - your eyes and mind went somewhere else, just snapping out of it when Alex hit you over the head with a noodle.

“Why. Are. You. Blushing?” he asked again, once you finally turned your attention back at him. Your attention weren’t even all the way there, quickly being caught again as you observed his older brother climbing up the ladder on the side of the pool to do another dive into the water, hockey-made muscles moving in his back as he pulled himself up.

“I’m not blushing,” you said once you snapped out of it again, surely blushing even more. “Then why is your face suddenly red?” his eyebrows still furrowed, as he couldn’t figure out what the hell was going on with his best friend. “I don’t know, probably just sunburned,” you tried to find an excuse, Alex shrugging and rolling his eyes at you before hitting you with the noodle again.

You and Alex had always been honest with each other, but as you got older you’d learned that some things you couldn’t share with your best friend.. like period-stuff, and ‘suddenly developing a crush on his older brother’-stuff.

June 2012

“Why are you wearing that? It’s hot as hell,” Alex asked, looking at you standing by the pool from where he’s lounging on a floatie. Covering your body, you’ve got a huge t-shirt – stolen from your dad. It was the first heat of the summer, and a heatwave traveling over Europe had hit Sweden good. You had plenty of sundresses but they were all a little tight over your chest and thighs - and the thought of something clinging to your body in this heat literally made you want to vomit. “My bikini is too small,” you mumbled, looking down at your feet. “What? Stop mumbling,” Alex said, the sound of his little sisters running around with the water hose behind you completely drowning out your mumbling voice. “I said my bikini is too small,” you muttered, sitting down at pool’s edge to get your feet in the water. “Didn’t you buy a new bikini before we went to that indoors water park for my birthday?” he asked, splashing water over himself to cool down. “Yeah, and it is too small,” you muttered. “That’s like three months ago, there’s no way that’s too small,” he chuckled. “It’s not like you grew. I’m like 5 inches taller than you now,” he laughed.

“Jesus, Alex, it’s called puberty - I think you forget that she’s a girl,” William chimes in, smacking his little brother over the back of his head as he slides past on a floatie of his own. You’re cheeks flare up at the thought of William understanding that your problem is that you now have boobs and wider hips. But you’re also thankful of the fact that he said it, so you didn’t have to. “What? I know that she’s a girl, dumbass,” Alex whines at his brother.

“Boobs, Alex! Boobs and hips, and a goddamn ass that doesn’t fit in any of my jeans anymore – that, is my problem,” you whisper-yell at him, annoyed with his oblivious nature. “And yeah, it is called puberty - maybe you’ll experience it one day,” you added, making Alex scoff and Will laugh loudly. “Hey, like I just said, I’m 5 inches taller than you, that’s puberty for you right there,” he argued. “Your voice is still squeaky,” you teased, even if his voice definitely had become a lot deeper over the last year. “No, it’s not,” he argued more, obviously making his voice deeper than it really was. You chuckled as you made eye contact with Willy who was sneaking up behind Alex with a smirk on his lips, flipping his floatie over and sending Alex under the water with a high scream - a small voice crack following as a cherry on top. “Like I said, squeaky,” you said, smug smile on your lips, when Alex’s head came through the surface again, and you and Willy laughed together - and your heart felt like it grew three sizes in your chest, just from communicating with Willy. And a maybe little more from being the one who made him smile, who made him laugh. You really hoped it didn’t though, you couldn’t handle your chest getting any bigger now. “Will you just get in already? I don’t care if your bikini fits or not, just... come play with me,” his voice turns whiny again as he says the last part, and you finally decide to give in, standing up to take off your dad’s t-shirt. You felt uncomfortable but a little bit braver now that you had at least one of the Nylander brothers understanding of your problems. But as you let the t-shirt fall to the ground and you turned back to the pool to jump in - the understanding one of the Nylander brothers was also the one who’s stare lingered a little longer.

It was also him that decided to grab you and throw you into the pool while you were standing by the pools edge. And it was him that went to get popsicles and stared at you when he bent down to give it you where you were sat floating on a couple of pool noodles. And he was the one that smiled at you from across the table when Alex told everyone about you and Willy ganging up on him - his smile a little sweeter, his stare a little softer than usual. And your heart felt like it would bust through your chest. March 2013 You let out a long sigh as you got upstairs, finally slipping away from the crowd that had gathered in the Nylander’s home in honor of Camilla’s birthday party. You cursed to yourself as you reached behind you to try and adjust your bra that was digging into your side through your dress. “Wanna talk about it?” you hear a teasing but familiar voice behind you. William was stretched out on a sofa, or more like a loveseat, that stood against the wall on the second floor of the house. He smiled at you as you turned around and finally noticed him. You rolled your eyes at his comment, but approached as he moved the pillows that was stacked next to him, in order to make room for you. “What’s up?” he asks on a more serious note, when you settle in next to him. You’ve gotten more used to talking to him over the last six months, as he had started spending more time with you and Alex, but being this close to him - your thighs slightly touching, your shoulder leant against his bicep - still got your heart beating faster. “First of all, I hate adults,” you say, making him chuckle and follow up with a ‘why?’. “These friends of our moms, all up in my business like ‘Oh, you’ve grown up to be such a fine young woman’ and ‘oh the last time I saw you, you were as skinny as a toothpick - you look like a woman now, look at those curves, you look just like your mother when she was your age’,” you tell him, making weird voices as you impersonate your mom and Camilla’s friends. “And let’s not forget ‘the boys at school must be swooning over you! Alex must have his hands full fighting them off’, queue obnoxious laughter,” you rant, letting out all your frustrations as Willy shakes in laughter next you. “Like, stop commenting on my body, please. Isn’t there like an unwritten rule that you shouldn’t comment on a teenage girl’s body? Also, there are no boys swooning over me, and if there were, I sure as hell wouldn’t need Alex to fight anyone off,” you huff, letting out another deep breath now that you’ve gotten most of your frustrations out.

“I hate to break it to you, but it’s true though,” he says, eyeing you from the side as you roll your eyes again. “What? That Alex spends all our free periods fighting off all my swooning suitors?” He laughs again, and you think it might be your favorite sound in the entire world. You like it even more when you’re the one that caused it. “That you’re a woman now,” he says it like Hagrid tells Harry Potter that he’s a wizard. “Like you’ve changed a lot since this time last year, not that what they’re saying is okay, but I understand their reactions,” he said - and he says it in a nice way. And you feel like it’s a compliment but you’re not sure. Your heart starts beating extra fast, though, just in case. “I came up here to get a break,” you sigh dramatically, and he laughs again - softly.

“Also I’m sure there are boys swooning over you, Y/N,” he adds, turning his head to look at you. “Yeah, right,” you mumble, and he turns back again, smiling. “I said I’m sure,” he trails off, and you thought about how the only boy you wanted to be swooning over you was him. “And second of all?” he asks, after a while, snapping you out of your thoughts. “What?” you ask, not sure what he means. “You said ‘first of all’ before you started impersonating annoying middle aged women. There must be a ‘second of all’,” he explains, smiling when he sees you draw another deep breath. “Yeah, second of all, this bra is cutting into my sides and this whole fucking outfit is just uncomfortable as heck,” you told him, making him laugh again. “I look ridiculous, this dress is at least one size too small but I never wear dresses so I don’t really get new ones and my mom would not let me wear jeans so here we are,” you sighed, gesturing towards the dress that wasn’t really meant to be clinging to your torso but definitely did. William laughed again, glancing at you before he turned his stare forward again. “I think you look great,” he smiled, but it wasn’t really a compliment you could take. “I look ridiculous,” you corrected him. “You need to stop putting yourself down like that. I’m trying to compliment you, you know. These annoying middle aged women down here are right - you are beautiful - and you definitely don’t look ridiculous,” he tells you, genuinely. You don’t know what to say next. Trying to think of how to say thank you in a confident and grown up way and not in a ‘I have a humongous crush on you’ way, while simultaneously fighting off the blush creeping up your cheeks was hard. Before you can come up with a logical solution, one that wasn’t running off or digging a hole and disappearing into it, he starts talking again. “You know, when someone compliments you, it’s polite to say thank,” he turns towards you, “oh, you’re busy blushing,” he interrupts himself, laughing. “Stop,” you whine, bringing your hands up to cover your cheeks, only making him laugh more. “There you are, I’ve been looking for you everywhere,” you suddenly hear Alex coming up the stairs, stopping at the top once he sees the two of you. “What the hell are you two doing?” he asks when he catches you in the act of trying to fight off William who’s holding your wrists as he tries to stop you from covering your blushing cheeks, your tights covered foot pressed against his bicep as you try to push him away while simultaneously leaning over the armrest to get away from him - both laughing. That night when you’re lying in bed, thinking of your talk with Willy, dreaming yourself away into some dream reality where the playful fight had ended in him pressing his lips to yours, instead of Alex interrupting and whisking you away - you get a message. It is late, way past midnight and even longer past your preferred bedtime, and you wonder who it might be. After all, Alex had fallen asleep while you watched a movie in the attic, barely getting himself up two flights of stairs to his bedroom when your parents came to tell you that you were leaving. Your lungs almost give out when you flip over your phone to see the nickname ‘willy’ on your screen. Having had his number saved in your phone ever since you first got one - because your mom and Camilla got you and Alex phones at the same time and thought it would smart for you to have it in case Alex did something stupid (i.e. hurting himself) and you couldn’t get a hold of them - but his number had never really been used much up until the last few months. Your mouth falls open when you struggle to get your phone unlocked, the fingerprint function of course not giving you the time of day, and you fuck up your code twice before you finally get it open and read the message - whereas your mouth shifts into a wide, giddy smile. “I like talking to you,”

December 2013/January 2014 New Year’s Eve dinner was always spent at home with just your family, and then around nine, your family and a couple of other families in your parents circle of friends would migrate over to the Nylander’s, where you would spend the rest of the night celebrating the new year. Unlike the last big party you attended at the Nylander house, you now had an outfit that you felt comfortable in. A pair of flowy, black pants that fit nicely over your hips and didn’t cut into your waist paired with a sparkly, dark grey, slightly see-through long sleeve that your mom had let you get if you promised to wear one of those cropped, black tank tops underneath - which wasn’t a compromise to you - it just meant that you could go without a bra. You felt more comfortable in your body too, finally getting used to how your wider hips made tight clothing look, and no longer feeling like the size of your chest was a burden. You felt good about how you looked tonight, having done your hair and everything. And even if it was nice to just feel good about yourself, you also hoped that one Nylander brother in particular would think that you looked good as well. Maybe even let his eyes linger on you a little bit longer, like he sometimes did. Along with your best friend and little Danielle, William greeted you and your family at the door. “You clean up nice,” Alex said nonchalantly, giving you a hug while simultaneously lifting your feet from the ground - something he’d gotten the habit of doing lately, only to show off the muscles he’d gained after he started going to the gym with Willy. His halfhearted compliment made you roll your eyes. “Wish I could say the same about you,” you joked, making him loosen his hold on you so that you quickly fell to your feet. While you and Alex had your moment, or whatever you would call it, your mom and dad had moved past you and into the living room. “Hey,” William smiled at you once you got back your balance and moved past Alex. It was that sweet smile, the one that reached all the way to his eyes - the one that it seemed he had reserved for you (and sometimes Danielle, as she was the one out of all his sisters that he had deemed the least annoying). “Hi,” you smiled back, stepping closer as he pulled you into a tight hug. “You look really great tonight,” he told you as you were still hugging. “Just tonight?” you asked, turning it into a joke a whole lot easier than actually taking a compliment for once, adding a hand to your chest for dramatic effect. “Oh, every day,” William smirked, taking your coat from you and hanging it up as you took it off. Alex rolled his eyes and walked past you, muttering something about getting snacks. “You still haven’t learned to take a compliment, huh?” he chuckled, putting his hands on your shoulders and pushing you in front of him into the living room. “Uhm, no, compliments make me awkward and you know it,” you mutter, pushing back against him - dreading the small crowd in their living room. You plant your feet to the ground, not taking another step - not letting him push you any further - when you get to the end of the hallway. “I know. But it doesn’t mean that I’ll stop complimenting you,” he says, stepping into you, his chest ending up slightly pressed into your back now that you suddenly stopped, his hands falling to the sides of your upper arms. You can sense his head next to yours as he leans down, and your cheeks starts feeling a little bit warm at the close proximity of your faces. “Thank you,” you whisper, knowing that he wants you take the compliment - he always does. “What was that?” he asked, teasing you. “Thank you,” you repeated yourself, louder this time. “There you go,” he smiled, and before you could do or say anything else, you sensed eyes on you. You looked away from William to see your mom’s friend, Karen, looking at the two of you. You didn’t know how long she’d been staring but you knew you didn’t want to give the circle’s main gossip girl more to talk about, envisioning her telling everyone how ‘Y/N has heart eyes for the oldest Nylander brother’, so you took Alex’s route of muttering something about snacks and running off to find him. You made the hours before midnight go by, by playing games with the other kids your age in the basement. William coming by every now and then, joining you for a game or two. The couch was full and you had taken the only chair for yourself, but instead of sitting on the floor, like three others, Willy simply desired to share your chair. “Hey, I was comfortable,” you whined, as he pushed you forward and dumped down behind you, resting his thighs and his side on the armrests, his long legs and one of his arms hanging over the chairs edges. Even if having him this close made your heart beat faster and your smile a little harder to hide, you were now a little bit uncomfortable, sitting at the edge of the seat. “Well, make yourself comfortable again,” he said, like it was the easiest thing ever. You could see how it could be comfortable, but that meant a lot of bodily contact between the two of you - something that took a little more bravery than you were feeling right now with all of these people around - and Alex who was rolling his eyes out of his head on the other side of the table. Sensing your lack of bravery, or uncomfortableness, or maybe both, William slides his free arm around your waist and pulls you closer, letting you rest back against his thighs, your arm coming up to rest on his hip. Your eyes meet and he looks up at you as if to ask ‘comfortable now?’ and you nod, a smile tugging at your lips. Not long after, Camilla comes down to tell you all that midnight and 2014 are only 15 minutes away. And while you dread having to pull away from the comfortable heat of his body, everyone put down their cards and scrambled up the stairs to put on the many layers that the Swedish winter required. “Are you gonna get up?” William chuckles, and you snap out of your thoughts. A blush rises to your cheeks but you still manage to give him a relaxed answer - one that doesn’t say ‘I never not want your body pressed to mine ever again’ but confidently “I was finally comfortable again,” at which he laughs and pushes you back to the edge of the seat, placing his hands on your shoulders again like he’d done when you first arrived. Out in the street, where the entire neighborhood and their guests gathered to watch the fireworks and celebrate the new year, you found yourself standing between Alex and William. William’s arm came around your shoulders, as if to warm you, even if you haven’t really shown any signs of being cold. But then again, you definitely didn’t mind.

The entire street counted down the last ten seconds before the new year in unison and you found yourself engulfed in the sound as a feeling of thankfulness for your friends and family washed over you. As 2013 came to an end and fireworks appeared in the night sky over you, you were pulled against William’s front, his glove covered hand coming up to your face as he pressed his lips to yours in a swift new year’s kiss. And it all happened so fast that you barely even realized it before it was over and you were whisked away and hugged by Alex and your mom, and your dad, and Camilla. Everyone. ‘Happy New Year’ whispered and shouted everywhere around you. Until William is back at your side, pulling you into a hug, whispering “Happy New Year” into your ear as if he hadn’t just kissed you a few minutes prior. As you got home around an hour and a half later, after having spent the last hour at the Nylander house half asleep on Alex’s shoulder, your brain fogged over with thoughts of what had happened. You’d been so tired but now your mind was running all over the place, and there was no way you were going to fall asleep within the first hour. You relived the moment about a hundred times, to the best of your memory. And you wished, you wished that you’d been prepared, that you knew what had made him do it - wished that he would have done it again. You wished that he hadn’t gone out with his friends after, so that maybe, just maybe he would’ve said something. Around 4 AM it feels like you might finally be falling asleep, but the sound of your phone buzzing once, then twice, makes you get up to at least push the ‘do not disturb’ button. But when you see his name on your screen you’re suddenly awake again, opening the messages immediately. “I really wanted a new year’s kiss,” “I hope you’re not mad at me❤️” And your heart felt like it was beating out of your chest again. You had no fucking idea what was behind the words ‘I really wanted a new year’s kiss’ but it would just have to do. And you were definitely not mad at him. “I’m not mad at you❤️” you texted him back, holding your phone to your chest as you waited for his reply, if there was one. A few seconds later it vibrates in your hands and you scramble to get it unlocked. “Why are you still awake?” he asks, and in a moment of bravery you text “Just been thinking a lot,” back. The dots that indicate typing appear immediately. “What’s got you thinking so much that you can’t sleep?” he asks, and you wonder if he just wants to hear you say it or if he’s actually oblivious. “You,” you answer, straight forward. Deciding right then and there that you were going to be honest this year. “Me? Why?”

“Because you kissed me,” you sent back, almost hyperventilating while you looked at the dots as they moved. The dots stopped and appeared again three times before the message came through.

“❤️❤️❤️”

March 2014 You smile awkwardly as a few guys from Alex’s hockey team shouts your name and lifts their red solo cups in the air as if to greet you. You lift your own, making sure to not let them see that there was actually water in yours, having decided that you should slow down on the alcohol that you definitely weren’t allowed to drink considering the fact that: 1. you were going home to your parents at some point during the night 

2. Alex was already well on the way to not remembering his 16th birthday, and it was only 11 o’clock You find your way back to the living room, that apparently had doubled its population in the time that you’d spent using the toilet and getting yourself some water. You sigh as you stand looking for the few people in the crowd that you actually wanted to spend time with. You spotted Alex next to his friend Linus, both noticeably intoxicated and trying to pick up some girls you’d never even seen before. The party had clearly escalated quickly. Rolling your eyes, you moved on. 

Your eyes quickly find Willy in the crowd, who’s got his hand in the air waving at you to come over to him. He’s sat in the middle of the sofa talking to a few friends that frequently attended the same friends and family events that your family and the Nylanders did. There was no space next to him or your friends - one of them even sitting on the table to be able to listen to the conversation over the loud music - but William got up from his seat and reached out a long arm for you to take and use as support as you climbed over legs and hands holding drinks. You eyed the table, sticky from overflown cups of beer and vodka mixed with god knows what, not really wanting to touch it... at all. “Here, you can sit in my lap,” William says sweetly, and before you can even process what he’d said, his hands are on your hips and he’s pulling you down to sit on one of thighs. One of his hands stay on your hip, while the other comes to rest on your knee. “You good?” he asks you, the conversation with your shared friends put on hold as he devotes his attention to you completely. You smile and nod, letting the arm closest to him rest over his shoulders. “I hope that’s water and not plain vodka,” he chuckles, nodding towards the cup in your hand. You laugh lightly at his comment. “You know, I was kinda feeling it, but then I saw him and thought ‘mm better not’,” you motioned to his little brother who’d now moved on to sloppy dancing with, not one of the unknown girls, but with Linus. William laughed at that, but nodded to show his understanding of your situation. “Yeah, I’ve been drinking coke. Mom was very clear when she said that I had to be responsible tonight,” he told you, before filling you in on the conversation he’d had with your friends. The conversation was soon interrupted, as Alex screamed across the room - the alcohol killing the already thin filter that he usually had. “You, you two, my brother and my best friend, can you please stop flirting? It’s fucking disgusting,” he shouts, as everyone turns their attention to you, his best friend, sitting on his older brother’s lap with his hands wrapped around you. Your brain works quick, making up sarcastic answers for everything had been like a coping mechanism for you over the last few years. “It’s not our fault you invited so many people that there’s no more places to sit,” you shout back at him, and he rolls his eyes. William laughs behind you, and at that, alcohol gets the best of Alex and he seems to get angry. “And- and you, you’ve been trying to steal my best friend from me f-for years,” he says, aggressively. To which the older brother role that William rarely has used over the last three years, seeing as the two year age gap between them hasn’t been very prominent, comes into light. “One more fucking word from you and I’m locking you in your room and ending this party,” he says, his voice strict and it’s shockingly enough make the drunk Alex shut up and go back to whatever he’d been doing before he noticed you. The conversation goes on but you find yourself falling out of it, Alex’s words clouding your mind and leaving you with a bad feeling in your chest. You hated that he was mad at you, even in the state that he was in. His state just made you think that it was the truth finally coming out. He’d been rolling his eyes at you and Willy for years and now you knew why. “Hey, are you alright?” Willy asks after your friends left - they lived further away and had been picked up by a parent. “Uh, yeah,” you answered when you were snapped out of your thoughts. He smiled a knowing smile that told you that he knew that you weren’t really okay. “Let’s go somewhere else,” he said and helped you to your feet with his hands on your hips, keeping his hands there as you make way on the narrow path between the couch and the table - climbing over the legs of everyone still sat there. He leads you to the staircase, and you stop to see if Alex is fine before you go up. He’s sitting with some teammates and not lying face down somewhere, like you feared. And he doesn’t see you go upstairs with Willy, either, so you decide that it’s safe. William leads you to the loveseat in the second floor’s hallway, where you’d found escape on so many parties at the Nylander’s before. You both sit down, but he takes hold of your legs and pulls them into his lap. “You have barely said a word since Alex’s screaming,” he said, placing a hand on your leg. “Yeah, I guess it just left me with a bad feeling,” you told him, looking out into the room instead of at him. “You know, he won’t remember it tomorrow,” he tried to calm you. “But I will,” you glanced at him before continuing. “And I know he’s drunk and not in his right mind, but I can’t keep from thinking that he’s just saying what he actually means,” you told him, and he reaches out to take your hand in his, keeping you from fidgeting and picking on your jeans. “I know he’s been rolling his eyes at us for years, but I don’t think he actually means what he said. I don’t think he meant what he said about me trying to steal you away from him. I’m not, I would be a really sucky big brother if I did that - it’s just that I like spending time with you, too, and we have never been together without him being there, it’s him that goes off doing something else - and if he means that I can’t talk to you just because he isn’t, then he’s just being an asshole,” he squeezes your hand. You guess he’s right and you’re finally able to swallow the bad feeling. “Uhm, hey, Alex can barely stand by himself, so,” a girl from your school interrupted yours and Willy’s moment - seeming very awkward for having done so. “I guess it’s time to end this party,” William says, letting go of your hand and clapping his own two together. You get up and thank the girl for coming to get you, before you go down stairs to find Alex mumbling about God knows what. “Do you think you can deal with him while I get everyone out of here?” William asks you, placing a hand on your arm when he talks to you. You nod, and he smiles. “I’ll come help you as soon as I get this cleared,” he says, motioning to the living room that still had quite a few people in it, even if some had left already. “Heyyy,” Alex smiles when he sees you this time. If he’s already forgotten about the situation earlier or if he’s just happy to see you without his older brother by your side, you don’t know. “Hi,” you smile, “how are you feeling?” you ask him, taking his hand and helping him to his feet. “Uhm, not great, but not terrible either,” he tells you, making you shake your head laughing. You position yourself under his arm, so that he can lean on you. “Let’s get you to bed, then,” you tell him, starting towards the stairs again. “B-but, I’m having a party,” he whines, and you laugh again. “The party is over, Alex, everyone’s going home,” you explained to him, and he eventually decides to at least try to walk up the stairs. “Wait, where were you? I was looking for you,” he asks you, somewhere on the way up the stairs, his weight leaning on you so much that you could barely talk. “I was upstairs,” you tell him through your labored breath, and he asks you what you were doing upstairs when the party was downstairs. “Just talking,” you tell him, deciding that it was probably best to not say with who. But of course, the next question from your nosy best friend is just that. But before you can come up with a clever answer, he’s already guessed it. “Willy, probably. Right?” You nod, and he doesn’t say anything else before you get him to his room and onto his bed. “Why do you hang out with Willy so much?” he asks you, sitting on his bed and desperately trying to open the buttons on his not so clean, spilled upon, light blue button up - but failing. “Because he’s my friend and I like him, Alex. But I spend a lot more time with you, so don’t you be worried,” he rolls his eyes at you again, but there’s a small smile tugging on his lips. “But tonight’s my birthday party and you only hung out with him,” he says, small traces of ‘whiny 4 year old’ in his voice. “I did spend time with you. You even got me a little tipsy! But then you got ridiculously drunk and only wanted to talk to girls - girls that aren’t me - so I decided to hang out with Willy, Elias and Charlotte instead,” you explained and he seemed to take it, smiling when you finally took over the unbuttoning of his shirt. “But what were you doing upstairs talking with Willy? Where you just talking?” he tries to sound like he’s a protective older brother, but he’s failing. “We were just talking, Alex. What else would we be doing?” you chuckle, as you finally get the last button open and help him pull it off. “I don’t know, unholy stuff?” he says, unable to fight off the smile tugging at his lips. You throw your head back laughing at your ridiculous best friend, deciding to not answer his accusations you push him down onto his back and pull the duvet over him. “Stay here, I’m gonna get you a bottle of water and a bucket - just in case,” you tell him and he nods. When you come down the stairs, the house is just about empty, except from Willy, who’s tying Alex’s just as drunk friend, Linus’ shoes. “I called his mum, just gonna wait here with him until she gets here and I’ll be right up,” he tells you from the hallway, when he hears you coming down. “Yeah, we’re good, I’m just gonna get him a bottle of water and a bucket... I doubt that he’s gonna feel well tomorrow,” you inform him before going into the kitchen. When you come back up, Alex has managed to kick off his jeans, and you’re thankful that you didn’t have to help him with that. His eyes are barely open. “Here, please drink a little bit before you fall asleep,” you give him the bottle and he grunts but does as he’s told. “I’m sorry that I got mad at you and Willy,” he mumbled between gulps of water. You smile, telling him that it’s okay. You put the bottle on his nightstand and he lays back. You’re about to leave when he grabs your arm. “I think Willy is in love with you, and-and I think you’re in love with him, too,” he says, his words completely freezing you in your spot. “I just don’t want you to forget about me,” he says, half asleep - and his words pull you out of your trance. You bend down, pulling his sleepy form into a hug. “I’ll never forget about you, Alex. Never. I love you,” you tell him, kissing his temple before letting go of him. “I love you, too,” he says, his words barely coherent. You turn around, finally leaving the room and you almost scream when you see the brother in question standing in the doorway. He chuckles at your reaction, and moves backwards into the hallway of the second floor to let you exit Alex’s bedroom. “Jesus, how long have you been standing there?” you ask him, your hand still clutched to your chest. He shrugs, smiling, and your hearts starts beating faster at the thought of him hearing what Alex said to you. But the sight of the living room with the lights on, snaps you out of your thoughts and the small panic building in your chest. “Where are the trash bags?” you sigh, turning to look at Willy who’s behind you. He sighs as well and leaves you to find said trash bags. The next hour is spent picking up trash and cleaning up - Willy following you around with the bags while you pick up the trash. There are no words exchanged, but you work together in comfortable silence. He cleans the floors, while you wipe the tables and kitchen benches. “Don’t you have a curfew?” William asks you when you’re finally done - the digits on your phone telling you that you’re already past 3 AM. “Uhm, usually, but not tonight, no,” you told him. Your parents had decided that since it was Alex’s birthday party and at the Nylander’s house, you could stay till the party was over. Considering that you were basically a host - that seemed fair. And besides, Alex had promised your mom that he would follow you home... Before you could even tell Willy about his little brother’s broken promise, he was already offering. “I’ll follow you home. I won’t let you walk home alone in the middle of the night,” he says, the smile on his mouth tells you that he wasn’t just doing it because he felt like he had to, but because he wanted to. You nodded, not even bothering to try and fight him on the matter - also, you wanted him to. You put on your outerwear and shoes, yourself bundling up in a scarf as March in Sweden still could be considered winter. “That’s cute,” Willy smiles, his hand coming up to pull the big scarf even further up around your cheeks and ears - and you already feel warmer because of his little comment. You walk out in the cold night, you a few feet ahead of him as he locks the door behind him. “Hey, slow down,” he whispers as he catches up to you. “Slow down? It’s freezing cold,” you smile behind your huge scarf, and he nods. “With this tempo, you’ll be home in just 5 minutes,” he informs you, and you chuckle at his dramatics. It would take you 8 minutes, at least. “Isn’t that a good thing?” you ask him, your smile turning into a smirk. He shrugs again, just like he had when you’d asked him how long he’d been standing in Alex’s doorway about an hour earlier. “I don’t know, it’s just that it means less time with you - like I said earlier - we never spend time together just me and you,” he spoke bravely. You just smiled at his statement, nodding when he looked at you for some kind of conformation. “Uhm, this is going to sound weird but... Which one of your hands are the coldest?” he asks, and you laugh as a reaction to his question. “I don’t know, this one maybe?” you grin, holding up your right hand. He nods and moves to your right side, taking your hand and intertwining his fingers with yours. You roll your eyes at him, even if you know very well that he’s the only reason that there’s warmth spreading in your body. “What?” he asks, and you just shake your head, a wide smile spreads on your rosy cheeks (if they were rosy because of the cold or because of his hand in yours - you would never know). “I just thought that it was a nice bridge into holding your hand,” he tells you, and you laugh out loud this time - forgetting that you’re walking through a suburban area in the middle of the night, both you and William bursting out into giggles when you see the light come on in one of the windows. “You have to be quiet,” he whispers, leaning in close like there’s any chance that they could hear you at that volume. “If I have to be quiet then you have to stop saying stupid shit like that,” you argue. “Stupid shit like what?” he asks, his free hand held up to his chest dramatically. “Stupid shit like asking me which of my hands is colder just so you can hold my hand,” you chuckle, your brain starting to see the red lines between this sudden hand holding and Alex’s words earlier. “Stupid shit like pretending that you didn’t hear the whole conversation between me and Alex when you obviously did,” you whisper in a moment of bravery, swallowing hard once the words are out and your heart starts beating in a million miles an hour. He looks down for a second, before turning to look at you - stopping right there in the middle of the street, in the middle of the night. “If what Alex said isn’t true, William - you have to stop doing all these things. I try to seem cool and nonchalant about it all, like you holding my hand or letting me sit in your lap doesn’t make my heart feel like it’s gonna beat itself out of my fucking chest,” you start, letting go of his hand and continue on the journey toward your house - knowing that he would follow you regardless of his feelings towards you. “So if you’re not feeling that, you-you can’t.. I mean, you fucking kissed me on New Year’s Eve and I haven’t stopped replaying it in my mind ever since,” the panic building in your chest starts messing up your words, but you’re interrupted before you can say anything else. “Y/N,” he grabs your hand again, his fingers intertwining with yours without you even having to think about it - it’s just meant to be like that. “I kissed you on New Year’s Eve because I really wanted to kiss you, and I thought that if someone saw or if you didn’t like it, I could just ‘it was a New Year’s kiss and you were the closest girl, sorry’. And there wasn’t a space for you to sit, but that doesn’t mean that I didn’t want you to sit in my lap. I wanted you close to me. And every other situation where I could have sat down somewhere else, could have done something else, I just always end up next to you in some kind of way because I can’t fucking stay away from you,” he explains, his voice is soft and slow. “You know, I wish that I could say that you’re like another little sister to me,” he says, and you look up, meeting his eyes. “But you’re not,” his last words come out as whispers, and he lets go of your hand only to put his hands on your waist and pull you into him. You stand with your bodies pressed together, your faces inches apart for a minute, his eyes flicking between your eyes and your lips. Until he leans in closer, not all the way, but enough to press his forehead against yours and your eyes fall closed. Just a little push up on your toes and your lips would be on his - you just had to find the courage. Your arms rest upon his, your fingers curling around his upper arms. He jerks forward a little bit, his nose side by side with yours and it’s the last little kick you needed to push up on your toes and plant your lips to his in a kiss. One of his arms curls around your waist, pulling you even closer, while his other hand comes up to the side of your face, making its way in between your thick scarf and your skin to hold you to him. Your own hands creep upwards and end up on the back of his neck, your fingers inching their way underneath his beanie and into his hair. His lips move away from yours for just a second, your lips following his like a magnet, before he comes back in with a deeper kiss - his hand sliding back, into your hair. You feel so warm with his hands around you and his lips moving against your lips, the cold air around you long forgotten. At this point you could’ve worn a summer dress and you wouldn’t have been cold.    When you eventually pull away, you are both out of breath. Willy pulls you back in immediately, but in a hug this time, and you both laugh softly - happily. Letting go of his embrace of you, he kisses your cheek once and then your lips once, then twice. “I think we’ve been standing here for like 5 minutes or something,” you giggle, looking around you at the houses around you, only lit up by their porch lights. “Could stand here all night,” he says, his smile just as cheesy as his statement. You roll your eyes at him, but you don’t bother even trying to conceal your smile as you take his hand and pull him with you down the street, only a few minutes from your house. “What? Are you trying to get away from me or something?” he chuckles at your new pace. “I’m dragging you along with me, aren’t I?” you laugh, stopping and turning around to face him - your arms go up to slide around his neck and you pull him down to kiss him again. His own arms circle your waist and after the fourth or fifth kiss - you’re not really sure - he tightens his hold on you and lifts you up. He starts walking and only when you’re a few feet from your driveway, he lets you back down. “Uhm, thanks for the ride?” you joke, making him laugh - but you quickly put your hand over his mouth, suddenly remembering that your parents are asleep - or worse, your mom is awake waiting for you, not being able to sleep until she knows you’re home. You stop on your front porch, dreading saying goodbye. You get up on your toes, your arms sliding back around his neck in a hug, his arms come around you and he pulls you into him. “Mm, now I don’t wanna leave you,” he mumbles into your hair, and warmth spreads through your body. “Mm, I’ll probably come over tomorrow,” you tell him, and you can feel him nodding. “But it won’t be just you and I, then,” he says, pulling back from the hug only to press his lips to yours in a deep kiss. His hand come up to your face, and his lips moves against yours. “We won’t get to do this,” he whispers between kisses, and you hum against his lips. You pull away from each other quickly when you hear the lock turn and the door start to open behind you, your mother appearing behind it. “Oh, hi, William,” she says when she sees him instead of his little brother. “What happened to Alex?” she asks, and you’re preparing to come up with a lie about him staying home and cleaning up or something, but William just straight up tells her the truth. “But we were both very responsible and put him to bed and cleaned up and everything,” he says, and your mom chuckles. “And of course, I didn’t let her go home alone at this hour,” he adds, making your mom’s fondness of the oldest Nylander brother grow even greater. “I am very grateful, William, thank you,” she smiles at him before turning to you. “Are you going to come inside or are you just going to stand out in the cold all night?” she asks, making you laugh. “I was going to come inside, but then you came out and Willy here just had to play this game I like to call ‘how much can I charm Mrs. Y/L/N today?’” you said, making them both laugh, your mom with an embarrassed undertone. “Yeah, yeah, come on in now, it’s nearly 4AM,” she smiles, saying goodbye to Will before leaving – the door still open. You watch as she starts on the stairs up to the second floor, and you quickly hide behind the door, stepping up on your toes to plant one last kiss, or two, on his lips. “Good night,” you smile, and he kisses you one more time before he says the words back to you. “Uhm, text me when you get back. You know, 17 year old boys can be kidnapped, too,” you say, making him throw his head back laughing, potentially waking the neighbors. “Yeah, thank you, now I have to run home,” he chuckles before walking backwards down your driveway, looking at you looking at him, your head sticking out from behind the door – smiling.

March 2014 After coming home and going to bed only minutes before the clock struck 4AM and talking to Willy on the phone until he got back – and then reliving every kiss and every touch between you and Willy until you fell asleep – it was safe to say that you slept in. The numbers on your phone had inched their way past 2PM before you hauled your ass back over to the Nylander house, after having received snapchats from both the brothers – and their mom. You’d woken to a snapchat from Willy who’d woken up and thought that he had dreamt all of last night’s events until he saw the evidence in his phone – a screenshotted snapchat from a friend with you on his lap, and the phone call of 13 minutes at 4AM. Next came the snaps of an hungover Alex, and then the snapchats from Camilla who admired how exceptionally clean her house was after the work you and Willy had done after the party. Camilla grabs you the second you come through the door, kissing your cheek. “You’re a saint, honey,” she exclaims and you laugh. “You can’t give me all the credit,” you chuckle. “I know, I know, I already made sure he knows how thankful I am – he doesn’t let me kiss his cheek anymore, though,” she laughs before letting go of you and pointing you towards the basement where you could find both her sons. “Alex, Y/N is here,” she screams and you start toward the open door leading to the stairs. William meets you halfway down the stairs, only stopping on the step beneath the one you stopped on, his face only inches from yours, his lips in just the right height. “He’s barely awake,” he whispers, quickly glancing behind you before pressing his lips to yours in a short but soft kiss, bringing all the warmth and feelings from last night right back to you. You pull back with a smile, your arms circling around his waist as you step past him, kissing him one more time before you continue down the stairs and Willy up the stairs. “Hey, you sappy piece of shit,” you shout at your best friend before dumping your ass down on the end of the couch. He groans, not even wanting to know why you called him sappy.

April 2014 “Mom and dad are going to bed right now, give me a few minutes,” you text William, who’s standing in your backyard. You wait until you hear both of them go into their room, and then a minute or two more, just in case one of them forgot something, before opening the door in your basement that lead up into the backyard, where Willy was standing. His lips turn up into a smile when he sees you, quickly stepping inside to avoid the cold that still comes around at night during April in Sweden. “Hey,” he whispers as he steps right up into your personal space – personal space that you didn’t mind sharing with him. “Hi,” you whisper back, pushing up on your tippy toes to peck his lips, before walking past him and into your bedroom. You had moved bedrooms a few years ago, from the second floor to the basement where you could have more privacy and more space. You were especially thankful for the extra privacy now. His hands sneak around your waist at the end of the hallway to your bedroom, his jacket and shoes left at the door, and he presses a kiss to your neck that’s so conveniently exposed because of the high bun you’d tied your hair into. You stop with your hand on the doorknob, letting him leave another kiss or two on your neck before you open the door to your low lit, cozy bedroom. You both fall into your bed, your head resting on his bicep while his hand plays with yours. The conversation between the two of you flows freely and easily, the question of Netflix and which movie to put on before you eventually end up with your tongues in each other’s mouths not needed. He asks about your day and you ask him about his, and then he tells you the story of how he managed to sneak out the front door without no one noticing with added dramatics, just how you like it – and you both laugh softly. You launch into a full review (with spoilers) of this book you just finished, and he listens carefully as you tell him about the characters and the little plot twists. He doesn’t really care for romantic novels with feminist undertones, or novels at all, but he still listens, hums and asks questions because he just likes to listen to you talk and get riled up about fiction. He sits up slightly, leaning on his elbow as he listens to you ramble on – his finger moving to an inch of exposed skin between the hem of your t-shirt and the waistband of your sleeping shorts, tracing soft, little circles. He smiles when you finally tell him about the book’s ending and your reactions to it – how you’d thrown it across the room, too angry to even cry about it – and he chuckles, mumbling about how cute that must’ve looked. His hand flattens on your stomach, his entire hand underneath your shirt, and your hand covers his - to  the extent that your considerably smaller hand could. Your hand creeps up his arm before slowly returning back down to his hand. He smiles sweetly, leaning down and leaving a kiss on your lips – a kiss so full of love that it warms your entire body. Your hand slides back up his arm again, fingers circling around his bicep as a way of saying that you want him to keep kissing you. You can feel him smiling against your lips, leaving a few shorter pecks before a longer one, and then a deeper one. He lays down on his side, the arm you’re resting on embracing you, his hand landing on your shoulder and he pulls you into him. Your own hand takes a stride from his arm to his neck, fingers dipping into his thick, blonde locks. As the kiss deepens, his tongue sliding along your lip, his hand on your stomach slides to your hip, pulling your body close to his. The feeling washes over you fast – and it’s not the kind of feeling that easily washes away again. It’s not like the feeling of warmth when he first kissed you, but heat, unbearable heat. Your hand leaves his neck after having had your fingers fisted in his hair, moving to the hem of his sweater instead, your fingers slipping underneath, all the way until your hand is flat on his back, feeling his back muscles work when he shifts against you. You hum against his lip, your hand slipping to his front and feeling his abs and his chest underneath your fingers instead, the need to just feel all of him underneath the tips of your fingers just not stopping. He pushes you up and even closer with the hand underneath you, his lips moving to your neck and making you gasp softly. You wanted his hands all over you, wanted to feel him feeling you –  yet his hands stayed on your back and on your hips. You pushed against him, granting yourself a groan against your neck. A thought struck you… Maybe he didn’t dare touch you anywhere else, scared that it wasn’t something you wanted. After all, with the situation being what it is, your alone time with William had been limited, meaning that you hadn’t had much time to explore each other. You decided to try something new, putting insecurities behind you and pushing him to his back and climbing on top of him to straddle him. His arms immediately wrap around you, but not for the reasons you first thought. Before you can put your weight down on him, he’s pulling you back to your previous spot next to him. “No, no,” he swallows, “you can’t do that,” his last words comes out, his hands retrieving from being wrapped around you to rest on your hip instead. You didn’t know why but it felt like he was keeping you at a distance. “Why?” you ask, your voice a lot weaker than you’d meant for it to be. His eyes shoots open in realization and his hand comes up to the side of your arm, before it quickly moves on to cup your cheek. “No, no, it’s not you, it’s me… uhm, it’s not your fault, or it kinda is your fault but really it’s mine, it’s,” he mumbles, his sudden nerves taking over his ability to form coherent sentences. “You’re not making sense, Willy,” you say, curling your hand around his wrist as his hand is still placed on your cheek. He takes a deep breath before he leans forward, kissing your lips before moving his lips to your forehead and pulling you into him, his arms wrapping around you. “It’s just that you, you mean a lot to me, and I just, I like you so much, and I’m trying really hard to not make you uncomfortable,” he pauses, taking another deep breath. “Because you, you really… you turn me on, like a lot and very easily, and I’m just trying to not make you feel uncomfortable and I don’t want you to feel like you have to do anything that you don’t want to, and I just really want you to feel safe and… comfortable with me,” he finishes, and you wrap your arm around his torso and press your lips to his chest. “There’s no one I feel more safe and comfortable with than you, okay? And I… is this why you don’t touch me?” you ask, the realization hitting you. “I mean, I-I touch you,” he says, trying to avoid where this question was going. “Will, you touch my waist, and my hips, and just, really it’s just places that are so appropriate that you could touch me there while my dad was present,” you say, making him laugh – and you’re glad, because even if it wasn’t your intention, it seemed to loosen him up a bit. “I guess, yeah,” he sighs, “just scared that you won’t like it and that you’ll push me away, and you know, it doesn’t really help my case,” his lips turn up at the last part, and so do yours as well. You pull yourself closer to him and press your lips to his in a deep kiss, and another one following after. “You know, you turn me on, too,” you say, heat rushing to your cheeks, but you smile as you see the blush creeping up his own cheeks. “And even if I don’t feel ready for all that, yet, I still feel really safe and comfortable with you and I really don’t mind that , uhm, that, that you’re turned on as well, because I know that you won’t pressure me, and I really wouldn’t mind if you touched me more,” you tell him, both of you having shy smiles on your lips. “Okay,” he nodded, trying hard to keep his smile from turning into a full blown grin. You stared at each other until your smiles became manageable again, and one of you leaned in to kiss the other again. Only a few kisses before his hand came up to the side of your face and the kiss was deepened, and you fell back into it. Bodies pushing against each other and tongues fighting for dominance. His hand is fisting your hair and you gasp against his lips when his hips roll into yours a little harder than he’d planned and you felt him hard against you for the first time – except for that one time where you’d had your feet in his lap under the blanket during movie night with an unknowing Alex on the other side of the coffee table, and you’d accidentally brushed against his accidental boner with your foot. Will pulled away slightly, and you could tell that he was a little panicky over the fact that you’d felt his obvious arousal against your body. “Don’t, don’t stop,” you whispered, pressing your lips back on his, and his arms tighten around your waist again, holding you to him. The feeling of his hardness against you had sent a wave of need trough your body, stopping between your legs. Your hand found his on your back and wrapped around his wrist, and you, with very little force, guided his hand further down until he found his way to your behind and he pressed you against him. You both moaned into the kiss and his hand slid down your thigh to the back of your knee to pull your leg over his hip, his thigh immediately pushing between yours. And it felt so good that you could barely concentrate on kissing him, and you only wanted more. You used your arm to push yourself on top of him, back to the position you’d tried before your previous conversation started. You started kissing down his neck, while your hands found their way underneath the hem of his shirt, feeling his muscles under your fingers. His own hands roamed your sides, from your thighs to your hips, from your waist to the point where his fingers slightly brushed over the side of your boobs. The action had your hips pushing down onto his, his hardness perfectly positioned under you and pressing into you were you ached the most. “Fuck,” he breathed, pushing his body up into a sitting position. He pressed his lips to yours in an openmouthed kiss, his hands on your bare waist after your t-shirt had bunched up. When you push your fingers into his hair, one of his hands come up to fondle your breast that’s only covered by a thin bralette. You moan into his mouth again, and faster than you can realize what’s happening, you’re flipped around and he’s over you. His hips rolling into yours and his lips finding your jaw, resulting in a moan that’s a little too loud for your liking. Your hand travel down his chest and abs, but it is soon stopped when William’s fingers curl around your wrist. “Fuck, we need to stop,” he curses, his forehead resting against your chest as he tries to calm himself. “I’m sorry, it’s just, my self-control stops at some point,” he mumbles, and you nod. “It’s okay,” you breathe, your hands coming up to soothingly brush through his hair, but he shakes his head and pulls away completely, moving off you and laying down on his back next to you. “You - you can’t touch me,” he says and you nod, trying to focus on calming yourself. “No, sorry, I need to go home,” he starts getting up, careful not to touch you. “No, please don’t go,” you reach out, catching his hand. “Please stay,” you whisper. “I really need to go home and fix this, I’m sorry, baby,” he says, softer this time – still careful with the distance between your bodies. The nickname sends another wave of need crashing in between your legs. “Please, Will, you can’t leave now,” your voice comes out just as needy as you feel, “just… go into my bathroom and… fix it there,” you mumble, your cheeks warming up as you suggest it. “I really need you to stay a little longer,” you add once you can tell that he’s thinking about it, taking a step closer and looking up at him – putting your lips at a close distance to his. To which he lets out a deep breath and presses his lips to yours in a deep kiss before he disappears into your bathroom. You lay there in silence, staring into the ceiling. You couldn’t have stayed still to save your own life, the feeling between your legs too much. You move underneath your duvet with the hopes that the weight of it would help keep you still, but it didn’t – it just made you warmer. You let your hand wander down your torso and in between your legs, just over your shorts, in hope of some relief, but you quickly stop when you hear the bathroom door unlock. Will climbs back into bed and underneath the covers with you, his arms wrapping around you immediately. His lips finds your forehead and you press your body into his, like you wanted to cuddle, but really you wanted him to touch you. You didn’t want to seem too eager, so you softly pressed your lips to his neck like you sometimes would do when you cuddled. But you couldn’t keep it at that, your body craving his – you kissed a trail up his neck. “Babe,” he started, but he stopped when he saw your face and let you kiss him deeply. “Please, I can’t keep still,” you talk against his lips, and he hums back as your lips are already back on his. He lets you lead his hand to where you needed it. You let go of his hand and he lays it flat between your legs, making you gasp against his lips. “Lay back, baby, relax,” he talks, and you do as you’re told – rolling to your back. He kisses you deeper while simultaneously moving his fingers over your heat. Your fingers are fisted in thick blonde locks of hair, and he groans against your mouth as you tighten your grip. You arch your back into him and his fingers move to the band of your shorts. He looks at you for any signs that this isn’t what you want, but you only nod. His fingers disappear into the waistband of both your shorts and your underwear, a curse leaves his lips when he feels your wetness on his fingers. He watches you intensely to see your reactions when he touches you, when his fingers sink into you. He watches as your mouth falls open and your eyes closed, and a fond smile tugs at his lips when you breathe out small moans. Just the fact that Willy had his fingers inside you is enough to push you to the edge of your pending orgasm. His thumb moving in circles over your clit and his lips leaving kisses on your neck had you coming in no time, moans and heavy breaths flowing out of your mouth as your orgasm comes crashing.

May 2014 You find yourself in a very crowded Nylander living room once again. Teenager’s with red solo cups all around you, getting drunk in honor of William’s 18th birthday. You sit stiffly on Alex’s lap, who’d been very clear that you two had to hang out tonight, because you always disappeared during parties, but truly it was him who either tried to win over some girl or got really drunk – or both. And now he was deep in conversation with a friend of his that you barely knew and the conversation that surrounded the topic of some PlayStation game didn’t really interest you either. You found William looking at you from across the room, who smiled at how bored you looked and motioned for you to come to him instead. Alex barely even noticed that you left, his hand that had previously rested on your hip went straight into gesticulating and helping him get to some point about a PlayStation controller. You shake your head at Alex, making Willy laugh as he is still watching you closely. He smiles at you while you make your way over to him, and the couch he’s sitting in could in theory fit another person if Willy scooted closer to the girl on his left but instead he pulled you down onto his lap. His arm slides around your waist and pulls you closer while his other hand lands on your thigh – way higher than acceptable for a younger brother’s best friend but you let him anyway, knowing how much he wants to tell everyone and be able to kiss you, or hold your hand, or cuddle you whenever he wants, no matter who’s around. Knowing how he sometimes forgets that he can’t do those things because it just feels so natural. The girl next to Willy looks at you weird, eyeing his hand on your thigh. You try to act indifferent to her stare, turning your head and whispering in his ear. “Maybe move your hand a little further down towards my knee, your friend is looking at us weird,” you speak as quietly as you could before looking away again, to not make it obvious that you were whispering in his ear. He tilts his head to the side while looking at you, and you quickly grab his wrist to keep him from doing the exact opposite. Based on the smirk tugging at his lips and the smell of alcohol on his breath, you knew he wasn’t going to listen. The girl next to you is also smirking when the two of you start giggling – you desperately trying to push his hand away from you. You give her a look, a beg for her not to say anything and she smiles reassuringly back at you. William settles after a while, his hand a little further down, but not really far enough – but you let it go. It’s his birthday, after all. “Hey, I’m gonna go get another drink, come with me?” he asks you, and you nod, getting up and leading the way. When you get to the crowded kitchen, he takes your hand in his and pulls you out the door and into the backyard instead. “I thought you were getting a drink?” you question him, letting him lead you further away from the house. “Mm, no, I just thought that whispering ‘hey wanna go make out’ and make you blush before dragging you out of the house would maybe look a little suspicious,” he tells you with a smug smile on his lips. “See, you’re blushing just from me saying that,” he laughs, letting go of your hand and poking at your red cheeks. You playfully roll your eyes and throw your arms around his neck, to which he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you into him – just enough for your feet to leave the ground. 

His lips are pressed against yours, your feet hit the ground and you’re trapped between the wall behind you and his body. You giggle into the kiss and you can feel him smiling against your lips, a quiet hush leaving his. You get lost in his kisses, your fingers deep in his hair. His hands are on your waist, holding your body to his. Soon your tongues are sliding against each other and you’re both breathing heavily into each other’s mouths. His hips press into yours and you whimper through the kiss. One of his hands comes down to your behind, feeling you up while simultaneously pulling you closer and pressing his thigh in between yours, making a full moan roll from your tongue. He pulls his lips from yours, moving on to your neck. And somewhere between faded dance music from inside, utter bliss and lust, a thought pops into your mind. “Do you think we could sneak into your room without anyone noticing us?” you ask, your voice playful and airy. Will’s head comes up quickly, looking at you suspiciously. “What? Why?” he questions you, and your lips turn up into a wide smile. “Just wanna give you your gift in private,” you shrug, and a smile tugs at William’s lips, even if he still looks confused. “But you already gave me a gift,” he states, meaning the Crosby jersey that you and Alex had scraped your pennies together to get him. “Yeah, but this one is just from me,” you tell him, and he smiles through the blush that creeps up his cheeks. And you almost blush just from seeing his cute reaction. You stand up on your toes and kiss him deeply before you send him on his way. “You go first and I’ll be there in like five minutes,” you tell him. You wait outside for a minute or two, but then go inside to mill around for another couple of minutes just to not look like you’re going up the stairs with an agenda. Of course, you run into Alex who wonders where you’ve been. You tell him you’ve been in the bathroom with Jessica, and he believes you immediately, knowing how many times you and Jessica had snuck away for 20-30 minutes, hiding in the bathroom at birthdays, dinners and other get togethers. “And now I kinda have to go to the toilet again, alcohol just runs straight through me,” you lie, barely having had a cup of alcohol. He laughs and lets you go. You run upstairs, where the partygoers weren’t allowed to go – but having grown up with your mom being best friends with Camilla, you were hardly a guest anymore. “Took your sweet time,” William teases when you come through his bedroom door. “Ran into Alex,” you explain as you close the door behind you, locking it. “How’d you get out of that one?” he asks, his head rested against the wall behind his bed. “Told him I’d been in the bathroom with Jessica. I don’t even know if she’s here,” you chuckle, climbing into his lap – straddling him. “She’s here,” he smiles, taking your hands in his. “Good,” you breathe, leaning forward and pressing your lips to his in an immediately deep kiss. His hands finds their way to your back, underneath your blouse. Your own arms are circling his neck and pulling him up until he’s fully sitting, his body flush against yours. It never took long for your kisses to turn heated, but knowing that you didn’t have all the time in the world, you pushed your chest into his and kissed him harder as you pushed your fingers into his hair with a heavy hand – just like you knew always turned him on. He moaned into your mouth and you grinded your hips into his lap, granting yourself another one of his moans. “Did you just wanna lure me into my bed or what?” he breathes as you make your way down his neck with kisses. “Fooling me with a gift,” he jokes through his labored breath. “You’re getting a gift. Just shut up and take your shirt off,” you demand, a smirk tugging at your lips when you see his surprised but lustful look. He mumbles a curse but quickly gets his shirt off, throwing it to the floor. You don’t let yourself get distracted by his shirtless torso, just lift your hands into the air, nodding when he looks you in the eyes as to ask if you’re sure. He pulls your blouse over your head, letting it fall next to his shirt. His hands comes back to your waist immediately, feeling your soft skin underneath the tips of his fingers. You’re glad that you thought long enough to put on the nicest bra that you owned, black and a little bit lacy – even if you hadn’t planned this. His thumbs are creeping up to the sides of your bra and you lean back in, kissing him as a distraction while your hands finds the clasp on your back. You pull back from the kiss to make sure he’s watching when your bra falls from your chest, straps sliding down your shoulders. “Fuck, you’re so beautiful,” he breathes, his eyes switching between looking you in your eyes and your chest – a part of you that he hadn’t seen before. He rushed his lips to yours, kissing you hard and deep as one of his hands comes up to cup your boob. “Is this my gift?” he smiles against your lips, and you can’t keep your lips from turning into one as well. “No, it’s not,” you say before pressing into him again with both your lips and your chest. 

You let him kiss all over your chest, both enjoying the feeling of his lips on your skin and the effect it has on him. As he starts kissing his way back up to your lips again, you let your hand trail down his torso, until you’re pushing it between your bodies, laying your hand flat over his bulge. His hand is softly, halfheartedly, wrapping around your wrist immediately. “Babe, you know you can’t do that,” he talks through lust, through the voice in his head telling him to just let you and give in to the pleasure. “I’ll take care of it, I’ll take care of you,” you whisper, your forehead pressed against his. “What?” his eyes shoot open. “Let me take care of you,” you say, pressing your lips to his before he can say anything else. He seems hesitant but lets go of your wrist, moaning into your mouth when you apply more pressure to his arousal. You shift your weight to your knees instead of his lap, giving yourself more room to stroke him over his jeans. You move your fingers to the waistline of said jeans, opening the button and sliding down the zipper. You manage to fit your hand between the tight fabric and his bulge, stroking him and enjoying the groans and moans escaping his throat. He suddenly moves his legs over the edge of the bed, moving his hands to the back of your thighs and standing up with you in his arms. Your hands come up to his shoulders. “I just wanna say something before this goes any further,” he tells you, eyes locking with yours. “Okay,” you nod. “I’ve been wanting to say it for a while, and I just feel like,” he starts, but it seems like he’s getting distracted – leaning in to kiss you instead. “I – I love you. Fuck, I wasn’t just gonna burst it out like that, I - ,” he rambles on, lost in his head and not noticing your uncontrollable smile. You place your hands on each side of his face, making him look at you. “I love you, too,” you tell him, and a smile spreads on his lips as well. “You do?” he asks, smile so wide that he can barely talk. “Mm, I’ve been in love with you a lot longer than I’d like to admit,” you tell him, smiling in to the kiss you’re placing on his lips. A couple more kisses and his tongue is once again playing with yours. His hands sliding up to your back as he lets you back down, your feet landing steadily on the floor. You let one of your hands slide from the back of his neck and down his torso until they land on the waistline of his open jeans. You use both hands to pull them down his thighs, revealing his white boxers with the small, wet spot on their front. He moans into your mouth when you put your hands on him again, stroking your hand over his bulge. You pull back from his lips, standing up on your toes and placing your mouth close to his ear as you hook your fingers into the band of his boxers. “Now, you have to tell me if I’m doing something wrong, or if you don’t like it. Guide me,” you whisper, and he nods, his head pressed against your shoulder – his heavy breaths causing your skin to tingle. You stand with your feet flat on the ground again, your forehead leaning on his chest as you look down, pulling his boxers down to meet his jeans again, watching as his hard member springs free. He gasps as you take his erection into your hand. You place a kiss on his chest as you start moving your hand, leaving another on his neck. His fingers creep up into your hair and he turns his head to find your lips through labored breaths. His kisses are desperate and lustful, moans and groans vibrating against your lips. One of his hands slides down your back and to your ass before he lets his fingers slide between your legs, making you moan into the kiss – making you a little weaker in the knees. “Stop, this is about you,” you whisper against his mouth. You move on to kiss his neck, making a trail down to his collarbone and his chest and then falling to your knees. You look up to see William’s mouth fall open, his chest rising and falling rapidly. “Oh babe, you don’t have to…,” he pants, his hand coming down to cup your jaw. “I want to,” you breathe, “do you want me to?” you add, watching him as he struggles to find words, fighting with himself. “Yeah,” he eventually lets it roll of his tongue. “Just tell me if I’m doing something wrong or, or something you don’t like,” you tell him, and he nods. You take him into your mouth, keeping your hand around his shaft – your other hand on his thigh to keep yourself steady. His hands comes down to your head, gathering all your hair in his fingers to keep it from getting in your eyes as you start bobbing your head, going a little faster – his groans and heavy breaths urging you on. It doesn’t take long before his grip in your hair is tightening, and you press your thighs together at the thought of making him cum for the first time. You look up through your lashes, finding him with his head tipped back, his mouth open and panting. You push your tongue harder to his shaft, watching as his head falls forward again, his eyes clenched together as he curses. “Fuck, babe, I’m gonna come,” he groans, his eyes opening and immediately meeting yours – to which he curses again. You lead his member out of your mouth with one last lick of your tongue, only using your hands to help him to his climax, letting him cum all over your chest as he pulses in your hand. You take the scrunchie on your wrist and relieve William of his self-imposed make shift ponytail duties to make sure your hair don’t fall into the sticky liquid on your skin, before letting him take your hands in his to help you to your feet. He curses through his slowly calming breath, leaning his forehead to yours. “You’re so fucking amazing,” he breathes, leaning in to kiss you deeply, his hand coming up to cup your jaw. “I just, I want you to know that I am definitely not just saying this because you just gave me a blowjob, but I fucking love you, so much,” he says sincerely and kisses you again, making you chuckle against his lips. “I know, and I love you, too, so, so much,” you tell him, kissing the side of his mouth when he smiles just as wide as yourself. “Let’s get you cleaned up,” he says, quickly pulling up his pants and underwear again. “Uhm, I, for absolutely no reason at all, have a roll of toilet paper in my nightstand,” he laughs, blush creeping up his neck as he comes back to you with the roll in his hands. “I just had your dick in my mouth, you don’t need to blush, Will,” you laugh, making his cheeks even redder. “Also, you’re wiping your cum of my boobs, so, I don’t think you need to be embarrassed of your toilet paper roll,” you add, making him throw his head back laughing. “You’re so foul-mouthed,” he shakes his head laughing. “I kinda just want to stay locked in here with you all night,” he says, as he’s wiped it all off and thrown the used paper in his bin. “I wish,” you breathe, stepping closer to him and pressing your still naked chests to each other’s as you slide your arms around his neck. His hands comes back down to the back of your thighs and he lifts you up, letting you hook your legs around his hips. “So, uhm, did you like your extra birthday gift?” you ask, your fingers tangling in blonde hair. “Yeah,” he smiles, leaning in to kiss you again. “So much better than I imagined it,” he whispers, his lips so close to yours that you could feel them moving. You pull back with red cheeks and a smirk. “You’ve imagined it?” you ask, biting your lip as you watch him fight the blush. “More times than I’d like to admit,” he chuckles, repeating your words from earlier. After talking yourself out of staying in his room all night, you finally leave his room with your blouse carefully tucked back into your jeans and your hair back down around your shoulders. You come down the stairs and immediately spot Alex, deciding to jump on his back and give him the attention he’s probably gonna claim he’s not getting, before he points out that you’ve been ‘in the bathroom’ the last 40 minutes. Alex takes an ungracious pirouette, swinging you around, making it possible for you to catch William’s eyes as he comes down the stairs, your smile spreading to twice its size – his own spreading as well, mouthing the three words he’s been wanting to tell you for far too long. “I love you,” June 2014 You come up the stairs from the Nylander’s cellar after having spent most of the day with Alex watching serial killer documentaries on Netflix, about to go home for dinner. William joins you in the hallway, whispering plans of sneaking out to come see you later that night while you put on your shoes. You step outside, Will’s head sticking out from inside and pressing his lips to yours, his hand coming up to your neck to hold you to him as he kisses you, before telling you he loves you and letting you walk home with a warm feeling in your chest – your head spinning with terrible ideas on how to break the news to your best friend that you’re dating his older brother. That you’re in love with William. Around 8PM, someone’s at the door – but you’re comfortable on the couch, on your tenth level of Candy Crush in a row – so you just shut up and let your mom deal with it. You immediately recognize Camilla’s voice as she and your mom goes into the kitchen, you hear them giggling about drinking wine on a Thursday night and you decide to just shut your ears and ignore them. Candy crush and ignoring yapping between middle-aged women is long forgotten when you hear Camilla’s hushed voice ask for you, though. “No, she’s in her room, I think. Do you want me to go get her?” your mother asks, and Camilla quickly says no. Candy crush is officially forgotten and you try to push every guilty feeling of listening in on something you shouldn’t be listening to, to the back of your mind. “So, I think our kids are dating,” Camilla almost sounds nervous when she says it, and you have to clamp your hand over your mouth in order to keep yourself from cursing out loud. “What? Y/N and Alex?” your mother exclaims and you can’t help but roll your eyes that she would even think that. Camilla is silent for a second, and you’re guessing she’s taking a deep breath or shaking her head – or maybe both. “No, William,” she corrects your mother. “Michael was coming home from work and stopped to get the mail and I guess he saw them as Y/N was leaving our house. He said William leaned out the door and they kissed… and from that I’m guessing that Alex doesn’t know either,” she added, and you cursed yourself for not noticing Michael. “They know about us. Your dad saw us kissing and Camilla is over here telling my mom right now,” you quickly texted Willy, taking a deep breath before getting up and inserting yourself to the conversation in the kitchen. “Fuck, he was acting really weird when he came home. What are they saying?” he texted you back. You quickly texted him back that you were gonna go talk to them to make sure that they don’t get anything wrong and that you’d call him later. “I’m not in my room and I’m sorry for listening in on your conversation,” you say as you turn up in the doorway to the kitchen. Your mother still looks to be in shock, but Camilla smiles at you, motioning for you to come sit down. “So, you and William?” Camilla starts, her voice is soft and calming, her hand comes up to your shoulder as if to make you feel like you can talk freely. “Yeah,” you try to keep it from happening, but you can’t possibly keep the corners of your mouth from turning up and your cheeks from blushing, your hands immediately coming up to cover your face. “I’m sorry for not telling you guys, it’s just, like you guessed, Alex doesn’t know and I – we have no idea how to tell him, and I really don’t want him to hate me. Also I’m scared of what you’re going to say… age gap and all,” you told them. Camilla’s hand is still on your back, moving in soothing circles. “It’s okay, Y/N. And Alex will get over it, I’m sure of it. And I’m not mad,” she tells you, and you both look over at your mom who looks to be deep in thought. “How long has this been going on?” she asks, she sounds calm but you’re not sure. “I guess it really started in March, after Alex’s birthday,” you told them, and you could almost see the lightbulb lighting up above her head. “Yeah, that makes sense,” she says, and she tells Camilla about that night when you and Willy had been talking (or kissing) on your porch and she’d come out. Her stare softens when she looks at you next. “I guess, the more I think about it, the more it makes sense. You’ve been in love with him for long time, haven’t you?” she states, making your cheeks flare up and your lips tug upwards again. “Think I’ve might’ve had a crush on him since I was thirteen,” you mumble, to which they both smile. 

“I always thought that, you know, Will’s got a lot of younger siblings, thought that he was just looking out for you, that he was just doing his ‘older brother’ thing,” Camilla says, making your cheeks feel even hotter. “I mean, you’ve been around longer than his actual little sisters,” she laughs, taking a sip of her wine. “But I’ve also had my doubts sometimes, I think I’ve picked up on a fair share of flirting over the last year – and Alex’s eye-rolling,” “Why’s Alex rolling his eyes?” your dad emerges from the hallway, making all three of you silent, not knowing what to say. “Uhm, Y/N has a boyfriend,” your mom tells him. “What? Alex?” his eyes shoot your way, horrified. “No, dad. It’s William,” you tell him, looking down in fear of what’s he’s going to say to his daughter dating someone who’s two years older. “Oh, thank God it’s not Alex,” he exclaims dramatically, sitting down in the chair across for you, making you and your mom burst out laughing while Camilla sits gaping next to you. “Dad!” you scold him, and he shrugs. “I’m sorry, Camilla, but if it helps, it’s a huge compliment to your other son. Will’s a lot more polite, more of a gentleman,” he says, to which Camilla shakes her head laughing, your mother doing the same thing. “Wait, so you’re not mad?” you ask him, shocked by his reaction. “I mean, I would prefer if you stayed away from boys for a few more years, but I trust Willy, he’s a good guy – and I’ve seen how smiley and giggly you two get around each other, so it’s not really a shock either,” he shrugs, getting back up to find himself something to eat, leaving you, your mother and Camilla to stare it each other in shock. “We’re good. They’re not mad and my dad doesn’t want to kill you, like not even a little bit,” you texted Willy once Camilla left, half an hour later. “Good. I talked to my dad about it and he gave me the fucking talk…” he texted you back a few minutes later, making you chuckle to yourself as you pictured how absolutely awkward that must’ve been. Before you can reply to his text, another chimes in, making your phone vibrate in your hand. “TBH I’ve been more nervous about Alex wanting to kill me than your dad,”  

July 2014 William meets you in the hallway when you come through the door at the Nylander house. You had made plans with Alex to watch a movie after dinner, while simultaneously having planned with Willy that he was going to join the two of you. Other than Camilla cleaning up in the kitchen, there are no one around and the coast is clear – William leans in and plants his lips on yours, his arms sliding around your waist and lifting you off the floor as he kisses you. You quickly pull back when you hear Alex’s harsh words, your sock clad feet hitting the floor as William lets go of you. “You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” he spits the words like their venom. At least that’s what it feels like to you. He turns around in his spot, half way down the stairs, and storms back up – two steps at the time - and all the guilt you have ever felt about not telling him about your relationship with his brother gathers up into a big ball in your throat, making it hard to breathe as you run after him, begging him to wait for you. “Alex, can you please just let me in so we can talk?” you beg him, trying to open his locked bedroom door. The door flies open and you almost fall forward and into the room at the shock, but the bigger shock is Alex’s words as he shouts them right at you. “Do not fucking talk to me right now,” he yells, before his eyes shifts to behind you, where William has followed you. “And you can stay the fuck away, don’t you even try!” And then the door is smacked in your face. You can’t help but let the tears spill, all your guilt and regret coming out as salty liquid. Will’s arms are around you immediately, and you cry into his chest as his hands move in soothing circles on your back. He leads you down stairs and lets you curl up in his lap, whispering that everything will be alright, that he’ll come around, until you calm down. Camilla comes and sits down next to you, placing a reassuring hand on your leg. “Hey, what happened?” she asks, obviously having heard Alex’s screaming and your begging. “He saw us,” you breathed, “we should’ve just told him right away,” you let another tear fall down your cheek. Will’s hand comes up to cup your cheek, his thumb catching the tear and wiping it away. “It probably would have been easier, yeah, but he won’t be mad at you forever,” she tells you, and William nods at her words, letting his fingers comb through your hair. “He’ll probably be mad at Will for a week, but he can’t stay mad at you for long, I know that,” As if on cue, you can hear Alex unlock and open his door upstairs, and you all know what it means. Will kisses your forehead before he lets go of his embrace on you, letting you climb out of his lap and make your way upstairs. Camilla whispering a good luck and staying behind with her son, while you head towards what you’re guessing will be the worst fight between you and Alex ever. You lean against the doorway into his room, scared that you’d make him more mad by just bursting in – even if it obviously was opened for you. “Are you just going to stand there or are you actually going to try and make me less mad about the fact that you’re sucking face with my brother?” he says, angrily, barely looking up at you as you close the door behind you and take the safe route of sitting down in his desk chair and curling your legs up under you, instead of sitting down in his bed with him. “I’m so sorry that I haven’t told you, I know we should have just told you right away but I was so scared of your reaction that I just kept putting it off,” you start off, noticing how he rolls his eyes when you say ‘we’. You swallow hard to desperately try to keep the tears at bay. “Why are you even dating him in the first place? It’s not fucking okay,” he spits, his words hitting you like a door in the face. “Alex, it’s not like you don’t know that I have feelings for him, and vice versa,” you try to keep the conversation calm, at least on your part. “No, I don’t. You have never said anything about having feelings for him, and he has never said anything about having feeling for you,” you can hear the anger behind every word. “No, I have never told you, but I know you know, Alex. On your birthday, you probably don’t remember because of how drunk you were, but after you screamed at us for everyone to hear how bad of a best friend I was and how bad of brother he was, for.. for letting me sit in his lap when there were no open seats, I put your drunken ass to bed and you told me that you were sorry for screaming at us and that you thought he was in love with me. And that I was in love with him. That you just didn’t want me to forget about you, which I never will. And you can’t tell me that that was just something you came up with while you were drunk, cause that would be bullshit,” you tell him, feeling your own anger bubble to the surface. He could be mad at you as much as he wanted, but saying that he didn’t know about the feelings between you and William, just because none of you had ever said the words to his face, was just stupid. “You wouldn’t have been rolling your eyes at us every time Willy as much as tries to sit next to me for all these years if you didn’t know that there was something behind it,” He’s silent for a while, and you know it’s because he’s out of arguments. “What happened to always telling each other the truth, huh?” he huffs, using the decade old promise against you – a promise between two kids who had no idea what life had planned for them, that had no idea that not being the same gender would make things harder for their friendship in their teenage years. “Yeah, we swore to always be honest with each other, but that was when we were kids, Alex, when we were 6 years old. At some point I realized that there are some things that you just don’t tell your best friend when that best friend is a boy. Like when I got my period - God, how many lies I came up with when I was bleeding out of my freaking vagina, and in pain for something that you wouldn’t understand at 12 years old. And same goes for developing a huge crush on your fucking older brother. Fuck, Alex, I’ve been in love with Will since I was like 14,” you can’t help but let your voice raise, your hopes of staying calm long gone – your tears threatening to spill after every word you said.    “It still doesn’t fucking make it okay. I don’t care if you’re in love. You went behind my back. You, my best friend, and my god damn big brother went behind my back. You lied to me. You didn’t tell the truth. If you think that you can come crying to me when he hurts you, when he breaks your heart, you thought fucking wrong,” he screams now, furious, and your tears finally come crashing down your cheeks. “You’re supposed to be the brother that I never got, you���re supposed to be protective of me,” you cry. “You should be happy that it’s your brother, whom you love and trust, that I know you look up to, so much. You should be happy that it isn’t some other guy that’ll hurt me. You know that Willy wouldn’t hurt me, you know it as well as I do. God, even my dad accepts it, that someone two years older is dating his little girl, because it’s Will, and only because it’s him,” you dry your tears with the back of your hand, the light grey of your hoodie turning dark when it slides over your wet cheeks. “Yeah, it fucking sucks that we didn’t tell you, and I’m fucking sorry. You can scream at me as much as you want, but I love him and I love you. You’re always gonna be my best friend, Alex, and I’m always gonna be yours, so fucking grow up and deal with it,” your last words are calm and steady, even with rivers of tears running down your cheeks, and you get up from your chair and you leave his room, closing the door behind you. You dry more tears on your sleeve when you walk back down the stairs, meeting Michael at the end, who meets you with open arms and a warm hug. He’d come home with the girls while you were up there, and immediately heard the screaming of his youngest son upstairs while simultaneously having seen the grave look on his oldest. Behind Michael, William is telling his younger sisters, who looks to have a far better reaction than Alex. And you can’t help but smile when Daniella wraps her arms around your torso, not reaching higher at just eight years old, and tells you that she thinks it’s really cool that you are dating her big brother. William is still sat on the couch, now sideways, and he pulls you closer to sit between his legs when you sit down next to him. You fill him in on the parts of the conversation that couldn’t be heard, like what you’d said. He’s got his fingers running through your hair, his lips touching your temple every now and then – and despite the fact that your best friend is upstairs more angry with you and his brother than ever before – it feels nice, finally being able to just be you and William without having to hide away. To be able to have more than a platonic arm around your shoulders, while his family roams around you, going on with their day. And it doesn’t take long before you’re asleep with your head rested on his chest and his arms around you. You’re woken up by the sound of William talking, and you quickly realize that he’s on the phone – on your phone. “Yeah, she woke up now. I’ll follow her home, yeah. Bye,” he ends the call. “Hey, you feeling better?” he asks, and you nod, happy that you’ve managed to sleep away the headache that came with the screaming and crying. “Your mom called, she wants you to come home,” he informs you, even if you already kind of gathered that information. He holds your hand all the way home, either that or his arm is around your shoulders, keeping you safely tucked into him. “I told your mom about the Alex situation,” he tells you. “Yeah?” you look up at him from your spot under his arm. “Yeah, I guess she could hear that I was kinda worried about you, so I just told her what happened, in short. That you fought and that you cried a lot, I mean, she’ll see that the second she sees you,” he informs you. “Oh, God, I look awful, don’t I?” you whine, pressing your cheek into his chest. “Hey, no, you do not look awful. You look just as beautiful as you always do. I’m just saying that I can see that you’ve been crying, and your mother will definitely see that,” he says, sincerely. He stops, his hand coming up to cup your cheek while he looks at you with eyes that demands that you meet his gaze. “I love you,” he whispers, not letting you say it back before he presses his lips to yours in a sweet but long kiss. “I love you, too,” you speak against his lips before kissing him again, pouring the overwhelming love you feel for him into the kiss. “Even though this really fucking sucks, I also feel like there’s a weight lifted off my shoulders. And I am really glad that we can finally just be us. Like, if Alex comes out of his room now and finds out that you’re following me home, he’ll probably be mad about it, but at least he won’t think that it’s weird. I’m just happy that we don’t have to hide from everyone anymore,” you tell him,  and he nods at your words, pulling you in with the hand that is holding yours and pressing a kiss to your temple. “I don’t have to pull you out of the house or look around the room to see who’s around to kiss you anymore,” he smiles, ducking down to catch your lips. He kisses you deeply on the porch before you enter your house, your mom meeting you in the hallway when she hears you come inside. Her expression softens when she sees you, blood shot eyes and red cheeks, and she pulls you into a hug. She also gives William a hug before she leaves the two of you to say goodbye. “I’ll call you before I go to bed, yeah?” he says and you nod, leaning up and pressing your lips to his. “You’re a really good boyfriend, you know that?” you whisper as you move from the kiss and into a tight hug. “I try my best. And also it’s just really easy with you,” he whispers back, and you can feel the first genuine smile spread on your lips since he met you in the hallway hours ago. Another kiss and another I love you and he’s on his way back home again.    “Camilla called after I spoke to William on the phone,” your mom tells you when you come into the living room. “She filled me in on what happened, a little more than Willy did. And she also told me that she thinks you and William seem really good together, that she thought that he handled it all really well and that he was really good to you,” she smiles as she tells you this, and a warm feeling fills your chest. “He is really good to me, mom, he really is. He makes me so happy, and he loves me, and I just hope that Alex can see that, too,” you say, laying down with your head in her lap so that she could draw her fingers through your hair. “He will. I know he will, honey,” she reassures you. An hour or so later, you’re tucked into bed with Willy on the phone. It has become routine, calling every night before you go to sleep. “You know, we can finally go out on a date now,” Willy says, and you can tell from the way he sounds that he’s smiling, making you smile as well. “Yeah, I know, we co- Hold on, I just got a text from Alex,” you interrupt yourself when you see the little banner with his name on it on top of your screen. “What? Seriously? I haven’t seen him since, you know, he saw us,” he sounds as surprised as you are. “Yeah, uhm, I guess I gotta go, he’s here,” you tell him, getting up from bed and throwing on a hoodie. “Oh, really? Text me after, I’ll probably be awake,” he rounds off the phone call while you send Alex a text that you’ll be right out. “Yeah. I’m just gonna say good night anyway, love you,” and you end the call once he’s repeated the words back to you and wished you good luck. You swallow hard before opening the door to Alex. You’d never opened that door for Alex in the night, it had always just been his brother. “I’m sorry,” he bursts out before you can say as much as hello. “I’m sorry, too,” you say it right back, and his arms are around you pulling you in for a tight hug. “Come in, let’s talk, yeah?” you say once you’ve pulled back from the hug, stepping aside to let him come in. You both settle into your bed, yourself with the comforter over your bare legs. “Can I just talk?” he asks, looking at you by his side. You nod, swallowing all the ‘I’m sorrys and explanations you had prepared for the moment he wanted to talk to you again. “I’m sorry that I screamed at you, I shouldn’t have,” he started. And you wanted to say that he had every right to be mad but you desperately fought the words forming on your tongue, to let him speak his mind. “Of course I know that you’re in love with Will, and it’s even more obvious that he’s in love with you – I just… It just hurt my feelings that you didn’t tell me, you and him both.” You choke back more feelings of regret and guilt, blinking back the tears that wants out just from the thought of having hurt your best friend’s feelings.  Meanwhile he’s pulling his knees up under his chin, looking straight ahead, out into your bedroom. “You’re right in everything that you said today. I was just being immature and irrational because I was hurt and my fear finally came true,” he says, and you can’t help but talk, even if just for one word. “Fear?” you ask. “Yeah, I don’t know what else to call it. I’ve always known that the day would come when you’ll be his and not mine anymore, when he’ll be your first priority and not me, when my mom will introduce you as William’s girlfriend and not Alex’s best friend. I knew the day would come, but I guess I didn’t think it would come so fast. I’m not ready to lose you yet.” “You’ll never lose me, Alex,” you whisper, letting a silent tear fall down your cheek, as you reach out and lay your hand on his arm. His hand covers yours. “I know, I know,” he whispers back. “I know I won’t actually lose you, but you and me both know that things will be different,” he looks over at you, and you nod, your lower lip between your teeth. Things would change, but the fact that Alex is your best friend would never. “I completely understand that it was difficult to tell me. It downed upon me earlier that you have never told me about a crush, never said a word about some boy you liked, even if I’ve told you about every single one of my crushes – and it makes sense now because it’s been Will for as long as crushes has been a thing for you. Because, obviously, you could have told me about your crushes. But it would have been weird because your crush has always been my older brother,” he talks freely, every bit of anger in his voice from earlier gone. “I understand that I haven’t made it easy, with my eye-rolling and, apparently, drunk screaming. And I most likely would have been immature and made gagging noises and rolled my eyes until they nearly fell out if you did tell me, but I do wish that you would have just told me from the start. So that I could have been a part of it, if that makes sense? Because from the looks of what I saw earlier today, this has been going on for quite some time?” he ends his speech with a question, but it doesn’t look like he’s done quite yet. Your eyes meet his, and his expression softens. “I guess I just want your complete honesty from now on,” he finishes and it’s your cue to start talking. “It all started on the night of your birthday,” you took a deep breath before launching into your long explanation. “And I know that that is a hell of a long time to keep it from you, and I don’t have a valid excuse for that, other than I was scared. But, you know, over the last year he’s been flirting with me a lot, and I didn’t really understand that that’s what it was until that night,” you tell him, along with the full story of what really happened at his birthday party and the conversation you had in his bedroom that night. “On our way home, I confronted him about it, because he had obviously heard what you said, and I told him how it affected me when he would do things like let me sit in his lap, because of how stupidly in love with him I was. I am. He also kissed me on new year’s eve without anyone noticing, and other than a few texts that same night, he’d never said a word about it. And I obviously never forgot.” Alex listened intently, small expressions like humming and his eyebrows lifting as reactions to your words. “So he told me about his feelings for me and we ki- you don’t wanna hear about this,” you interrupted yourself, to which Alex shook his head and chuckled. “Well, it’s all gone slowly from there, because we obviously haven’t had the opportunity to spend a lot of time together, alone, with the situation being what it is. When we have spent time together, it’s been sneaking away at parties or him sneaking out of the house after everyone’s gone to bed, you know. And our parents found out just a couple of weeks ago, because your dad saw us kissing when we thought no one was around,” you tell him, and he nods, taking it all in.    He scoots closer, laying his arm over your shoulders and letting you lean into him. “That reminds of something you said today. You said that even your dad accepts it, because it’s Will. And I said some absolute bullshit about him breaking your heart and that you can’t come to me crying, and again, you’re completely right… I don’t think that will happen, but against my strong beliefs, if something does happen, I’ll always be your best friend and I’ll always be there for you, and if I need to, I know I can knock him out,” he says, and you can tell he’s smirking at the last part and you finally let a laugh roll off your tongue. You both fall silent after that, finally feeling calm with Alex’s arm around you and with the words of his forgiveness still echoing in your ears. “Are you going to forgive Will as well?” you whisper, thinking about their mother’s words from earlier, how she’d said that Alex couldn’t stay mad at you for long but that it would take longer with William. “I’ll probably give him the silent treatment for a week,” he says matter of factly, and you can’t help but burst out laughing. “What?” Alex asks, looking down at you, under his arm. “It’s just, that’s exactly what your mother predicted,” you explained, and a smile tugged at his lips. “Fuck, that woman knows me to well,” he jokes and you burst out laughing again. And it felt good laughing again, in a way that only your best friend knew how to make you laugh. “Now I can’t do that. The question is; Do I outdo myself and give him the silent treatment for two weeks? Or do I just forgive him right away so that my mother thinks better of me,” he thinks out loud. “I think you should forgive him right away,” you say after a while. “But I don’t want to,” he whines, but you know he means it. “If someone deserves to be forgiven right away, it’s him. Not me. If it was up to him we would have told you after a week,” you said, releasing a deep breath. You can sense that he’s tensing up, but his arm stays around you. “Why?” he asks, and you take another deep breath. “First of all, I was really scared of what your reaction would be. You know, with the eye-rolling and all that. Also, when you screamed at us on the night of your birthday party, you said that Will had been trying to steal me away from you for years, and I couldn’t help but think that it was how you really felt. But I also wanted to see if it would work out between me and Will before I said anything to anyone,” you told him. “What? Did you not think it would work out? You’re best friends and you’ve known him all your life. And you’ve been in love with him for years, right? It’s kinda disgusting but it’s obvious that you’re like meant to be or whatever,” he said, so low that it could be categorized as whispering. “I never doubted my own feelings, or our friendship. I just couldn’t believe that he was in love with me. But he proved me wrong,” you finished, leaning more into Alex, who stayed quiet. “I forgive you, and I’ll forgive him, too, I promise. But not until tomorrow, at like 4 o’clock,” he says after a while of silence. He manages to get you smiling again, even if you were worried that he would get angry at you again. “Thank you, Alex,” you breathe, your arm moving around his waist and you hug him to you. “Yeah, yeah, just no making out around me and no details that I definitely don’t need, okay?” he chuckles, and you do the same. “Deal,” you tell him, securing the promise with a pinky swear. “Now, I’m gonna go home before you fall asleep on me and I end up sitting here all night with a dead arm, okay?” he tells you, smiling. You roll your eyes at him as he gets up from the bed. “Dead arms and force-cuddling is now reserved for my brother, thank you very much,” he smirks and earns a pillow to the head for the comment. “Excuse me, you like my cuddles,” you tell him as you follow him out of your room. “You’ll see. You’re going to miss them when you’re not getting any,” you add on once he starts shaking his head. It’s all forgotten, though, when he hugs you and tells that he loves you – and good night.

August 2014 Going to the lake with your friends was one of your absolute favorite summer activities. After a period with some not-so-sunny and not-so-hot days, the sun was finally out again and the temperature was back to being excruciatingly hot, which meant that every teenager in Sweden was on their way to the closest body of water. It was the first time that you and William would go out with your group of friends as a couple and it was fair to say that you were a little bit nervous. You were ready with your bikini on, covered by a pair of denim shorts and a t-shirt, when Alex and William, along with four of your other friends, come by your house. And with the usual hollers and greetings while you walked down the pathway from your house to your street, the endless dilemma in your head on how to deal with this new situation was long forgotten. You made your way through the group of friends with various ‘hey’s and a hug or two until you ended up by William, who greeted you with the extra big smile that was reserved for you, and you only, before he pulled you to him, sliding his arm over your shoulders and pressing a kiss to your temple. And you couldn’t help but laugh when you hear Alex speak dramatically; “Oh, you didn’t know? They’re dating. I didn’t either,” Alex seems happy when you jump on his back on your way down the trail to the lake, but also like he was trying to determine if you did it because you wanted to or if you’re just trying to give him more attention because you’re dating his brother. He also tried to pretend that he thinks it’s annoying but you know that he doesn’t. And then he tries to throw you in the lake with your clothes still on, at least he makes you believe that he actually will – to which Willy comes to your rescue – and Alex rolls his eyes and lightheartedly makes a joke about Willy being your knight in shining armor. Alex rolls his eyes again when Will asks you to rub sunscreen onto his back, to which you mutter something about how Alex and his red back better get in line. He rolls his eyes again when Willy rubs sunscreen onto your back, before he makes comment for everyone else’s enjoyment: “At least, now I won’t have to do it.” Time flies by quickly when you’re having fun – running around in the sand with your best friends, jumping from rocks with Alex and occasionally being picked up by Will and thrown into the water. One time he picks you up and carries you out slowly, pretending that he’ll drop you a few times making you squeal or giggle, but then he’ll pull you even further up and kiss you. When he stops up, so far out that you can’t reach the bottom anymore, he lets you lock your legs around his waist while his arms slide around you, holding you while he presses his lips to yours. Behind you can hear your friend Caroline scolding Alex; “Shut up, they’re cute,” Half an hour later you’re sat on top of a big rock in the lake with Alex and Linus, while William is lying on his beach towel back by the water’s edge. You can hear a few more people coming  down to the lake, voices and laughter coming closer. You know them, but they’re more Will’s friends than yours and Alex’s. Also, you haven’t really seen any of them over the summer. “Oh, you better watch out, Y/N,” Linus says, his voice almost sounding nervous. “What?” you open up your eyes after having had your face turned up towards the sun. “Oh,” you say, nonchalantly. Everyone, except your boyfriend, knows that Christine, one of the girls that are now arriving at the lake, has a huge crush on him. And she was never subtle about it. “Oh?” Alex repeats, mimicking you. “I trust him, even if he is completely oblivious,” you tell them, watching as she sits down as close to him as humanly possible without actually sitting on him. The rock that you and the boys are sitting on are close enough to the beach for you to hear most of what is being said. William’s eyes meet yours when Christine touches him for the second time within the five minutes she’s been there. You smile and he smiles back at you – and you think maybe he finally understood what his friend was doing. Or trying to do. He moves away from Christine, in the guise of turning towards all his friends. He sends another smile your way before he starts talking. “I wanted to tell you something. All of you,” he smiles, motioning to the ones that had just arrived. “Okay?” one of them says, before they all turn their attention to William. “I have a girlfriend,” he says, enthusiastically. The questions comes flying after that, from everyone but Christine. And one of them don’t even believe him until he tells them that it’s you. You turn your attention away from what was going on around William, and back to soaking up the sun. But only for a few minutes, though, before you’re turned victim to the Nylander brother’s antics and you’re once again in the water and in the arms of your boyfriend. “Did you finally realize that I’m not the only one with a crush on you,” you ask, your voice low and playful, once you’re out of the shallows. “Uhm, I think I might,” he makes a face as he says it, and you laugh at him. “You’re pretty oblivious, aren’t you?” you tease, and he shrugs, pulling you in for a kiss. “It makes sense now, though,” he says, “also, not be cocky, but I don’t think what you feel for me qualifies as a crush,” he adds, smirking. “Mm, no, haven’t been able to qualify this as a crush since I was like thirteen,” August 2014 Every year the Nylanders would have an end of summer barbecue. You loved these parties because you got to hang out with your friends all night, friends you didn’t see all the time, and of course, Alex and William. But you also hated them because your mom’s friends were extremely annoying and nosy, especially when it came to you. And now, with your mom and Camilla being a little too excited about their kids dating, everyone would know about yours and William’s relationship. And none of them would leave you alone. Less than an hour into the party and you feel like you’re about to explode. It doesn’t really help with the attention, but William has begun to actively be next to you, a hand on your shoulder or on your waist – somewhere – trying his best to keep you sane through it all. Some were sweet, just smiling, maybe adding that you looked cute together or that it warmed their heart or something, but not all of your moms friends were very appropriate, making eyes at you and whispering little things that sent you into a constant state of cringe for 5 minutes straight. You weren’t the only ones that were being bugged about the matter of yours and William’s relationship. Your dad got the question several times, of what he thought about his little girl dating the big shot hockey player of the Nylander family, to which he first just rolled his eyes, but after a while, when the repeated question became annoying, he said; “You know what, I really don’t mind, Willy is really nice to her and that’s all that matters,”. And then at one point, with a smirk, added – “I’m just glad it wasn’t this little fucker,” – while motioning to Alex, who was standing next to him. Alex also got a fair amount of attention because of it but Alex loved attention. “So what do you think about Y/N dating your brother,” someone would ask him, and he would smile and tell them some overdramatic story. “But you know what, I’m happy for them. And it’s not like I didn’t see it coming. I was mad about for about five hours, but as soon as I realized that I’m not the one who has to follow her around the mall anymore, I was completely fine,” he would end, making the circle of middle aged women around him erupt in laughter. “Hey, just ignore them. Let’s just have a good time, okay?” William spoke, sliding one of his arms around your shoulders and pulling you closer to his front while simultaneously cupping your cheek with his hand. The comment made from your mom’s friend, Isabella, had you fuming – you see, she just knew from the day you were born that the boys wouldn’t be able to keep their eyes off you. He looks at you with wide eyes and lifted eyebrows until you smile – making you look away as you try to hide the fact that he has that kind of power over you but failing miserably. A smile spreads on his lips as a reaction to yours. Moving his hand to your jaw, he tilts your head back towards him and pulls you into a sweet kiss. And then one that isn’t that sweet, one that is short but still manages to fill your gut with heat before he pulls back. “What?” you hear your mom’s friend Karen say, the gossip queen of their friend group. She’s in conversation with your mom, Camilla, your dad and few of their friends. Camilla and your mom are obviously telling her about you and Willy. “Are you surprised?” Camilla asks her, to which Karen looks even more surprised. “What? No. Are you? I mean, is this new? Are you just now hearing about it?” This really makes your ears perk up. You and William look at each other with furrowed brows before you both turn your attention back to Karen and the rest of them. “What? We found out about it in June… What do you mean?” Your mom asks, and you can see your dad lean into the conversation he’d probably found extremely uninteresting up until now. “In June? They’ve been flirting for years! And I am 100% sure I saw them kissing on New Year’s Eve,” she tells them, motioning towards you and Willy, who were halfway across the garden but were quite obviously listening in on the conversation. “What?” both your mother and Camilla exclaims, turning towards you, and you and Willy walk over with red cheeks – Willy holding your hand and basically pulling you with him. “I just thought that everyone but me knew about it, so I didn’t mention it,” Karen said, but your parents were turned towards you. “You said you started dating in March,” you mom stated. “And that’s the truth,” Willy argued, but it wasn’t enough. Your cheeks turn even redder. “God… He sprung a kiss on me at midnight, caught me completely off guard, and then ran off like nothing happened and never said anything about it for just about three months, when we actually started dating,” you rambled, making everyone laugh. “Well, I…  Excuse me, but I texted you that night,” Willy argues next to you, making them laugh more. “Uh, yeah, at like 4 AM asking if I was mad at you for it,” you said, your head turning to him. The blush on your cheeks disappeared and you were laughing with the rest of the group. “That shit fucked me up,” you added, making them all laugh, including William – before he pulled you into him, kissing your temple and telling you he’s sorry with a smile and blushing cheeks. “Did it really fuck you up? When I kissed you on new year’s eve?” he asks when you’re alone again, sitting in the swinging bench in the backyard. Your legs are resting across his lap as you sit sideways in the seat, his hand moving up and down your bare calf. You smile at his question. “Uh, yeah, I couldn’t sleep. I had all kinds of thoughts running through my head trying to come up with every possible reason for you to kiss me that wasn’t that you actually just wanted to kiss me – I just couldn’t let myself believe that you wanted to kiss me,” you told him, eyeing him as he tucked his bottom lip between his teeth. “And then I was finally falling asleep, I was so close, and then you texted me and my head was back to spinning again,” you added, laughing lightly when his head fell back with a curse falling from his lips. “I’m sorry, that was really stupid of me,” he apologized, red cheeks and an embarrassed smile. “You’re forgiven,” you told him, laying a hand on his arm. “Good. I just really wanted to kiss you, you know,” he mumbled, and you took hold of his shirt and pulled him closer, until his upper body was over yours and you could press your lips to his. The kiss lasted longer than it should have. And so did the next one – sending sparks of warmth and want for your boyfriend flying everywhere, making your skin feel like it was on fire wherever he touched you. “Yeah, yeah, that’s enough,” Alex says as he approaches you, spreading out in the third and last seat of the swinging bench. By now, Alex is used to seeing you kissing his brother, and actually gave up making gagging noises whenever he saw you about a month ago. Will pushed himself away from you and back to his previous position, and you immediately miss his hands on your skin. They come back pretty quickly, though, but on your calf instead of further up – on your thigh, under the material of your summer dress. Whenever his fingers crawl closer to your knee, there are waves traveling through your body and crashing between your legs, making the pool of want and lust in your panties grow. An hour or so later, dinner is served. Meaning that everyone is lining up next to the grill and filling their plates with various meats, breads, salads and condiments. You and Will are still queued up with empty plates, his body coming closer and pressing into yours as you’re standing in front of him. His free hand comes around your waist and you pray for just an hour alone with him when he presses a kiss or two to your shoulder. You can sense your mom looking at you from her spot by the table, and you can tell by the smile on her face and the soft look in her eyes that she thinks it’s sweet, but both you and Will know that there isn’t anything sweet about his hand flat across your hip and the lingering kisses on your shoulder. There’s nothing sweet about how it makes you feel. There’s nothing sweet about the hand on your thigh when Will’s done eating either, how it travels across your lap and under the material of your dress. How his thumb moves between your thighs and starts drawing circles on the soft and sensitive skin of your inner thighs. There is nothing sweet about your hand grabbing his and leading him inside the house under the guise of having to charge your phone. Nothing sweet about running downstairs hand in hand and being pushed against the wall, his body pressed into yours and his lips following closely after. There’s definitely nothing sweet about your hand sliding down his torso and moving in between your bodies, your palm flat over his hardening member – making his situation so much worse. “Ugh, babe, no,” William presses his forehead to yours, his eyes closed and his fingers wrapped around your wrist as he concentrates on not letting your touch get to him. “Mm, I’m sorry,” you tell him, and he rolls his eyes at you. “No, you’re not,” he mutters, and you can’t help but let your grin consume your face. “It’s just… It’s something about this dress. I can’t keep my hands off you,” he tells you after a few moments of silence. His words earns a gasp from you, making a look of petty revenge appear in his eye before his lips are on yours again. His body slams into yours, his knee pressing in between your legs, while he kisses you hard and deep. His hands roams up your body, from your thighs to your boobs, his thumbs knowing exactly where to find your nipples through both your dress and your lacy bralette. You moan against his mouth and before you know it, his hand is between your thighs, underwear pushed aside and two fingers fully inside you, pressing into your g-spot. A high-pitched moan rolls of your tongue, and just as quickly as his fingers were up there, they’re back out – and he’s leaving you with a ravishing and lingering kiss before he steps back and retreats back up the stairs with his two fingers in his mouth while simultaneously sending you a look that made you want to kill him and tear all of his clothes off, all at the same time. “Oh honey, what did you do? Your dress is all wrinkly!” Your mother exclaims when she sees you only ten minutes later. You’d spent a few minutes in the bathroom desperately trying to calm yourself down, while also making sure your hair didn’t look like Willy just had his hands all up in it while making out with you. Your dress was worse for wear, though, as it was wrinkly after Will’s hands had traveled up your body both over and under your summer dress. “Uhm, I don’t know? I sat down?” you dig out your acting talent that hadn’t been used since your last attendance at the Children’s theatre in 2007. Your mother huffs and tries to straighten your dress with her hands but gives up quite quickly. The ordeal has a smirk on Willy’s lips when you go sit down next to him, stealing his bowl of ice cream and berries, while Alex rolls his eyes and pretends to gag. It is getting later and as the guest with younger kids had left the party, the rest of you were gathered around the biggest of the tables in the garden, glasses of wine and bottles of beer in just about every hand there except yours and Alex’. It was still quite crowded in the Nylander’s backyard, and all kinds of chairs, benches and stools where moved to fit as many as possible around said table, and William had gladly pulled you into his lap, where you now sat sideways – your head rested on his shoulder as one of his arms curled around your back and the other laid over your lap, his hand resting on the back of your thigh. You rarely take part of the conversation going on around the table, mostly just listening to the stories that are being told and relaxing back into Willy’s chest – a feeling of contentment and thankfulness washing over you when his lips press against your temple, causing you to tilt your head back and capture his lips in a sweet kiss. An hour or so later, Camilla hands out blankets for everyone in need of one. You already have Alex’ hoodie over your summer dress, but Will still takes one and places it over your bare legs. Soon his hand moves over your thighs. At first, the tips of his fingers barely graces your skin, but when he hears the change in your breath, they slide in between your thighs with just a little bit more force, inching their way closer to where you’d been wanting them all day. But he stops before they reach your damp underwear, and you don’t know if you’re happy about it or not. It’s enough, though, to send you even further into the desperation for your boyfriend that you’ve been feeling all day. Your mom saying your name snaps you back to reality. You sigh when Will pulls his hand away from you, helping you stand up after having spent the last two hours curled up in his lap. You’re going home, and leaving the warmth of Will’s lap and embrace is the last thing you want to do right now – for more than one reason. You hug Alex goodbye, promising to give him his hoodie back the next day. William follows you to the front yard, shoving you in front of him so that he can walk behind you with his arms slung around your neck, your cheek in perfect position for him to press kisses to it while whispering words that make you want his hands on you even more. Just before you reach the front of the house, you turn around in his arms and press your lips to his in a deep kiss, letting your hands creep up into his hair as your tongues meet. You pull back when you hear your name being called, your parents getting impatient – but lean in for one more kiss before you take his hand in yours and walk the rest of the way. You give Camilla and Michael each a hug goodbye, then you go back for peck on the lips and a final hug with William, whispering ‘I love you’  before you follow your parents home. - “I’m outside,” you read the notification from William, your heart pounding immediately, waves of heat crashing at your core just from knowing he’s outside. You make sure you can’t hear anything from upstairs, that they’re all gone to bed, before you quickly move to the door, opening it to find your boyfriend standing there, impatiently bouncing on his feet. “Fuck, I couldn’t lie still,” he says once you open the door, just before you reach out and grab his hand. “Just come inside,” you breathe, pulling him in and closing the door behind him, just before your lips are on his and your back is pushed against the same door he just came in through, his body pressed against yours. You can already tell that it’s going to be hard to stop tonight. You’re not even sure you’re going to want it to stop. Your hands are far up the back of his hoodie, feeling his muscles move underneath the tips of your fingers as his hands roam your body, stopping at your behind and pushing you against him. You moan into the open mouthed kiss as you can feel him already starting to harden against your lower stomach. You move your hands to his front, sliding your arms around his neck and kissing him harder. “My room,” you barely get out between kisses, and his hands are at the backs of your thighs immediately, hoisting you up and you’re being carried to your room. The door is kicked shut and your back hits the mattress of your bed, his body rolling over yours and your hips meeting in a desperate hope for release. Your fingers find the hem of his hoodie and you don’t waste time ridding him of it. With his lips on yours for as long as possible, he moves your t-shirt up your sides slowly, letting the tips of his fingers slide over the soft skin of your waist, before he finally lets go of your lips and pulls the garment over your head. He buries his head in your chest immediately, kisses left all over your bare breasts, until he closes his lips around one of your nipples, sucking it into his mouth. The action causes a moan to escape your lips and an arch of your body, to which he hums, sending even more lust to build between your legs. Your hand finds its way between your bodies, landing flat over the bulge in his shorts, applying pressure to it and causing another groan from his lips. You moan his name, and he finally comes back up to you, his lips pressing to yours, open mouthed with your tongues immediately connecting. One of his hands finds the drawstring of your pajama shorts, and he loosens the knot, making room for him to stick his hand into your shorts and underwear, and feel your wetness on his fingers. “Fuck, baby,” he breathes as he pulls back, not just from your lips but from you entirely, his hands working on getting your clothes off completely before his feet even touch the floor. He sinks to his knees by the bed’s side, and you’re pulled to its edge and your thighs are being placed on his shoulders, his face buried between your legs. He’d only gone down on you for the first time a few weeks ago and it had proved to be your new favorite thing, loving the way his tongue felt as it slid across your folds and dipped inside you. His hands caress your thighs while he dives in, closing in on your clit and giving it the attention he thinks it deserves – which is a lot. The little moans and curses that leave your mouth only urge him on, and his finger comes to help, sliding inside you and pressing against your G-spot, while the tip of his tongue works against your bundle of nerves. Your fingers are deep in blonde locks, your grip hard as he makes moans roll of your tongue along with every breath. You’re nearly thrown over the edge when his tongue slides in next to his finger, making his name roll of your tongue like a whimper and your fingers fist in his hair. The action has a groan leave his throat and in the matter of seconds he’s in the bed, over you again, his lips on yours in a heavy, open mouthed kiss – his tongue replaced by another finger and his thumb moving in quick circles on your clit. Your head falls deeply into the comforter under you as your lips leaves his again and your body arches into his, and with another thrust of his fingers and his lips to your jaw, you finally hit your climax. His face is pressed to your neck as he waits for you to calm down, taking in and committing every moan, whimper and pant to his memory. His hand moves soothingly up and down your thigh and his lips press little kisses on your neck every now and then – until your hand comes up to his neck and you bring your lips back to his in a long kiss. “You’re amazing,” you whisper against his lips before you press your lips back on his. With a hand to his chest you push him to his side, your fingers traveling down and into his shorts as he let’s your tongue meet his. Your hand closes around his hard member and you start stroking him and giving him little tugs. His free hand roams your side, starting the trail with a grip of your butt and moving on to your hip – fingertips skating over your waist, until his hand cover your boob, massaging it. You let go of him and give him a little shove to make him roll to his back. You start working on his shorts immediately, pulling them down his thighs along with his boxers and letting them fall to the floor with the rest of your clothes, while he throws off his hoodie and t-shirt. You stay by his side, reaching out and letting your hand stroke over his balls and erection while you leave kisses on his torso. His fingers takes little strides up your back until they’re in your hair, finding the hair tie that barely held it up into what had once been a bun and pulling it out. With his hand fisted in your hair he guides your lips to his and you kiss while your hand moves up and down his shaft. As his lips connect to your neck and his hand slides back down to your ass, you can’t help but throw your thigh over his lap and straddle him, letting go of his dick and enjoying the feeling of it pressed against your wet folds instead. You’d never sat like that while both naked before and the new sensation feels amazing – and brings certain desires to the absolute surface as you rock against him, feeling him slide between your lips. 

His mouth has fallen open and so has yours, and with his hands on your hips, he sits up and presses his forehead to yours. Your eyes fall closed after staring into each other’s eyes for a while, and both your breaths come out as pants. “I love you so much, baby,” he talks against your lips, before launching into a heavy make out, your lips slotting together in desperation. His hands on your hips help you keep your hips moving in a steady rhythm, and your arms slides around his neck. “I want you, I want this,” you talk into the kiss. “I love you, all I want is you,” you add, your words not well thought out but exactly what you mean. “Me, too, baby. So bad. Want you so bad,” he tells you, his forehead pressed against yours as he talks. He plants his feet to the floor, getting up with you in his arms, your legs locked around his waist and your arms around his neck. He pulls back your sheets and climbs back into bed with you still in his arms. His lips are moving across your neck and collarbones as soon as you’re both back in bed. He sucks one of your nipples into his mouth, your eyes meet in the process and he comes straight back to your lips once he lets go. “I have condoms in my nightstand,” you tell him, your lips moving against his as you talk. If the sound erupting from his throat next is a curse or a groan, you’re not sure, but he reaches out and finds one in your drawer. You take the condom from his hand, and he lifts himself up on his arms. “Why do you have condoms?” he whispers teasingly, as you rip the packaging open. “Mm, because of you,” you tell him, letting a smile spread on your lips. You hadn’t really talked much about sex, you just let things happen when you felt ready for it – and William never said anything, just let you move at your own pace. “Got them from the school nurse’s office on the last day of school,” you tell him, reaching out and stroking his hard member – watching as his chuckle turns into a moan. “You know, when I made you sneak over here that night, I’d been thinking about you all day,” you smirk, tapping his thigh to make him stand up straighter on his knees to make it easier for you to slide the condom onto him. Two of his fingers dip into you, scissoring them inside you to hopefully make the experience less painful for you. “I’m ready, I can’t wait any longer,” you breathe, stretching your neck up and connecting your lips to his. His body crashes down on yours, and he kisses you deeply as he lets his fingers slide out of you and wrap around himself instead. He positions himself perfectly between your legs, placing the tip of his member at your entrance. You moan at the feeling and he pushes all the way in, making you take a deep breath. His forehead presses against yours and you both breathe heavily. “Are you okay?” he asks, his voice soft but a little strained. “Yeah, babe, I’m good, just go slow,” you answer, letting your hand move from his shoulder to the back of his neck. His lips press against yours as he starts to move, finding a slow but steady pace. As soon as he finds the perfect rhythm, one of his hands find their way back to your body. He starts at your side, moving from your hip and slowly up to the side of your boob. He massages it, slow but firm, making you release a moan when he pinches your nipple between his fingers. Your lips slot together as your hands roam his back, your nails digging into his skin when he speeds up a little bit. “You feel so good,” he groans into your neck once his lips parts from yours, before he moves on to leaving kisses all the way down from your jaw to your collarbones. You only moan in response, letting one of your hands trail from his back and up into his hair, fisting your fingers in it. “It’s good for you as well, right?” he asks, lips moving against the skin of your neck – and you can hear the slight panic in his voice. Before you even process what he said, his head flies up. “It doesn’t hurt, does it?” he asks, stilling inside you. “No, no, it doesn’t. You know I would tell you,” you tell him, finally snapping back to reality. “And it feels amazing, I promise,” you speak, cupping his cheek with your hand. “I’m- I’m not used to you being so quiet,” he mumbles, his cheeks turning red as he says it. You can’t help but smile at that. “Will, you’re doing amazing – don’t worry. And I was kinda trying to not be so loud,” you tell him, feeling your own cheeks heat up as well. He’s got a smile on his lips when he starts moving again, his hand coming down to lift your leg up, hooking it over his hip. “I like it when you’re loud,” he says before he connects his lips to yours again, and just those words alone has you moaning against his lips. “There you go,” he sounds smug, his lips moving against yours as he speaks. He speeds up, and that, along with the new angle, has moans rolling off your tongue left and right. You tug at his hair, like you know he enjoys – he’d groaned loudly the first time you did it – and his moan vibrates against your lips. His lips are soon pulled from yours as he tucks his face into your neck, eyes clenched shut as he concentrates on making you reach your orgasm before he does. He lifts his body from yours slightly, his hand moving between your bodies, where his thumb expertly finds your clit. A loud moan escapes your lips when his thumb reaches your sensitive nub and his head comes up from hiding in your neck and hair, his forehead leaning against yours. He watches your reactions closely as he touches you and fills you up again and again.   “Baby,” he mumbles, his voice strained. You moan as a response and his lips press to yours in a short but deep kiss before he speaks again. “Please tell me you’re close,” he begs, kissing you again. “Mm, I am,” you breathe, and he kisses you once more before he presses his forehead against your chest and ups the movement of his thumb, letting it rub in fast circles on your clit. He can both hear and feel that you’re coming closer to the edge, your moans more frequent, your breath harsher and your insides starting to clench around his member. When your legs tighten around his hips and your fist in his hair tenses, he knows you’re about to come. He leaves your clit to give himself some extra support as he speeds up his thrusts, pressing his lips to yours as you fall apart beneath him. The soft moans resulting of your orgasm and the clenching of your insides around him has him coming just seconds after you – before collapsing on top of you. 

Your hands stay in his hair, but instead of having a fistful of hair clenched between your fingers, you start drawing your fingertips through it instead. His breathing slows down and he pushes himself further up your body, his face nuzzling into the nook of your neck. A happy and content sigh falls from your lips when you feel his mouth press to the skin of your shoulder. His weight lifts from your body as he plants his elbows in the mattress beneath you, lifting himself up slightly while leaving kisses up your neck and on your cheek. You giggle and let your hands fall to the back of his neck. “I love you,” he whispers, finally letting his lips touch yours again in a sweet and loving kiss. “I love you, too, Will,” you smile into the next kiss. “I’ll be right back, okay?” he speaks, his voice soft as he places another kiss to your cheek before he slowly pulls out his softened member, his eyebrows shooting up when you gasp. “Are you sore?” he asks, making another smile stretch your lips. “No, don’t worry. I’m just sensitive,” you calm him, and he smiles, leaning down and kissing you once more before he leaves your bed for the bathroom. He comes back just a few minutes later, without the condom but just as naked. You both blush a little when he catches you looking and you both laugh lightheartedly when he steps over the clothes on the floor and crawls back into bed, letting you place your head on his chest and tangle your legs with his. “I can’t even tell you how extremely happy you make me,” you mumble into his chest, your arm stretching across his torso and hugging him to you. “I know the feeling, babe,” he chuckles, pressing his lips to your forehead. “Did you get any comments on your picture?” he asks after a while of resting in complete and comfortable silence, only your breaths and his heartbeat under your cheek to be heard. You hum against his chest and motion for William to fetch your phone from the nightstand. You roll to your back, using Will’s arm as a pillow, so you both can see your phone screen. Your mother had taken a picture of the two of you in the chair earlier that night, when you were curled up in his lap. She’d captured the exact moment when his lips pressed to your temple and your eyes fluttered closed – everything about it was perfect – his arms around you, your hand tracing little circles on his arm that laid across your lap. You’d posted it to your Instagram when your mom sent it to you – the first you’d posted of the two of you as a couple. “Okay, that’s a lot,” you say, smiling as you look to your side, meeting Will’s eye. Your phone screen is filled with Instagram notifications and you open up your phone and the app in question. You look at the comments on the post together, smiling at the sweet comments of how you were cute together, “I knew it!” and “It had to happen!”, cringing at your mothers comments of young love and heart-warming, and lastly, laughing at Alex’s comment reading ; “I love you but YIKES”. You plug in your phone charger and leave it at your nightstand, turning in William’s arms and cuddling up with him again – your nose rubbing against his neck as you slide your arms around his neck and hugging him to you, your bare body pressed to his. His arms comes around your waist and embraces you, his hands moving in soothing circles on your back. “How early do you think I need to get up to both sneak out of here and back into my house without any of them noticing?” he asks, leaving a kiss on your shoulder. You pull back, placing your hands on each of his cheeks, cupping them. “The biggest problem is your house, really. Here, you’re fine as long as you don’t leave at the exact same time as my mom or my dad. So, I guess the question is when your parents get up,” you add to the conversation. “Ugh, I should probably be home before 7 to be safe,” he sighs. “I really want to stay here as long as possible,” he adds, kissing you on the lips. “Mm, and it’s not like I’m letting you leave,” you tell him, pressing your lips to his in a deeper kiss. With his arms still around you, he rolls you both to the side. And you lay there, just kissing, for what feels like forever. “Are you happy we did that?” he asks unprovoked after having laid in silence for a little while. “Yeah, of course I am,” you smile, reaching up and pushing his hair out of his face. “Good,” he smiles, looking down between your bodies as the familiar pink blush appears on his cheeks again. “Stop worrying about these things,” you tell him, kissing him. “I am very much in love with you and for as long as I’ve thought about sex, I’ve always thought about it with you. I’ve always imagined and hoped that it would be with you,” you tell him, sincerely, ignoring the voice in your head that wants you to think that it’s embarrassing to tell him. “Really?” he smiles, the shy smile that was previously on his lips almost becomes cocky. But just almost. “Yeah, you’re my first crush, you know,” you say, letting your lips fall into a grin that matches his. “I remember being thirteen and spending the summer in your pool and blushing every time I saw you – because you were shirtless,” you chuckle, biting your lip when Will laughs sweetly. “And then the next summer, Alex didn’t understand why I was uncomfortable in my bikini and had to get a new one every two months because my body was changing – but you did, and, I don’t know, I fell so stupidly in love with you that I had a hard time functioning every time you were near me. My heart was racing every time you talked to me,” you let your cheeks warm up this time, turn a little red, just at the thought of how you felt every time he was around back then. To think you were naked and tangled up with him in bed now, was a little surreal. “I started talking to you a lot, didn’t I?” he chuckles. You hum, and he adjusts you in his arms, letting you lay your head on his arm and press your back into his front as he spoons you. “I mean, I always thought you were cute, but that summer… That year, I guess, I just realized that you weren’t just cute and my little brother’s best friend anymore. You were funny and beautiful. And I was fifteen, so, I had a really hard time keeping my eyes off you that summer,” he chuckled. “Hm, I noticed,” you smiled, turning your head slightly, letting him place a kiss on your cheek. “Yeah, and I wasn’t completely oblivious either. I knew you had a crush on me, but then you stopped blushing every time I looked at you or spoke to you, so I figured you’d stopped crushing on me – which is why I was worried that you’d be mad at me for kissing you on new year’s eve. I wasn’t sure if you liked me at all,” he explained, making you laugh. “Oh, I liked you,” you smiled, turning in his arms again and pressing your lips to his in a deep kiss. His hand came up to your face, cupping your cheek and holding you to him while simultaneously supporting your head. Your fingers trace a line from his chest to his shoulders while you kiss him, then from his shoulders to the back of his neck, where they’re engulfed by thick, blonde hair. You tighten your grip in his hair, just a little bit, and he hums against your lips. You pull back slightly, just to get a little air, but his lips follow yours like they’re magnetic. You smile against his lips before deepening the kiss, loving the effect you had on him and how his hands moved further down your body. You let your lips fall open, and his tongue was immediately pressed against yours, his hand coming down to your ass, gripping it, while you fisted your hand in his hair – this time making William moan and push your body against his. Pulling your lips from his, you swapped out the hand in his hair, letting your free hand move down his chest and abs while you placed kisses on his neck. Pushing your hand a little bit further down and under the covers, you examined the damage you’d done, enjoying the sound of his breath turning heavy when you let your hand wrap around his erection. He places his hand on your cheek, pulling you back to meet his lips again, before pushing a hand between your bodies – both of you reacting audibly when he moved a finger to slide through your wet folds. Soon, your hand stills on his shaft, the sudden pleasure taking over your body, when Will pushes two fingers inside you, scissoring them, essentially telling you that you had the same thought. You move your hand from his shaft to his chest, supporting yourself as you throw your leg over his hips, not letting yourself get distracted by his hard member so close to where you needed him most, but reaching out to get another condom from your nightstand. Sitting back, your arousals finally meet, and you grind down, making it hard for the both of you to keep your moans and groans to yourselves. Will’s hands moves to your hips, pushing you back. Desperate to be back inside you, he makes room for you to slide the condom onto him. Once it’s on, he sits up, pushing his lips to yours in a desperate kiss while his arm slides around your waist – helping you lift your hips from his thighs and using his other hand to align his member with your entrance, letting you slide down at your own pace. A deep breath falls from your lips when he’s fully inside you, your forehead leaning against his. You press your lips to his in a hard kiss before you place your hands on his shoulders, pushing him down to lay on his back. His hands rest on each of your hips and you place yours on his chest, to support you when you finally start moving your hips. With his hands firmly gripping your hips, he helps you keep a steady rhythm. With soft touches, passionate kisses and naked bodies so smoothly sliding against each other, you’re both quickly brought to your climaxes – foreheads pressed together as you both express your love for each other between labored breaths and throaty moans. You spend the next minutes catching your breaths, your cheek pressed to William’s chest as his fingers slides through your hair. “Don’t fall asleep on me, now,” William whispers, making your lips tug up into a smile. “Mm, I won’t,” you breathe, finally finding the strength to push yourself up. He sits up as well, kissing you before he slides an arm around you waist, lifting you from his lap to let himself slide out from inside you. You sigh at the loss of contact, leaning in for another kiss and then getting out of bed. William follows you to your bathroom, and you both go though your nightly routines, which for Willy is mostly watching you in the mirror as he stands behind you, arms around your waist and chin rested on your shoulder. You crawl into bed without bothering to put on any of the clothes left on the floor earlier in the night. It’s ridiculously late and you almost want to cry at the alarm William sets for the morning, just a few hours away. “I love you, baby,” he whispers into your hair, your face buried in his chest and your legs tangled with his as you’re already drifting to sleep. “Mm, I love you, too,” you breathe, then adding a soft “baby,” – smiling lazily as you hear him chuckle. Deep sleep finds you within minutes, exhaustion from the previous day and night along with Will’s body underneath you and arms around you, soothing you to sleep. You wake to your mother’s voice, but she isn’t talking to you. “Yeah, I found him. And his boxers… on the floor,” she sighs, and you suddenly realize that your mom is talking to Camilla on the phone in the room where you’re clearly naked underneath the covers with Will. And it’s probably way past 7 o’clock.  “Camilla, you’re not responsible for keeping your 18 year old son out of my daughter’s bed. Don’t apologize,” she says as a matter of fact. You didn’t hear what Camilla said through the phone, but you had your guesses. “Oh, you’re awake,” she says to you, having seen you move your hand to cover your face. “I’ll make sure he comes home… Once I’ve had my talk with them,” she tells Camilla, making sure you both hear her clearly. She hangs up the phone and decides to sit down on the desk chair in your room, not far from your bed. “Mom, can we please get dressed before we have this talk?” you beg, feeling the blush rush to your cheeks. “No, I’m not giving you a chance to escape,” she huffs, and you and William adjust in the bed, sitting up more but making sure the covers hide your naked bodies. “I’m sorry, Mrs. Y/L/N,” William starts, but is soon interrupted. “Oh, don’t Mrs. Y/L/N me now, mister,” your mom nearly laughs. She takes a deep breath. “You don’t need to apologize for,” she pauses, bracing herself, “having sex. It’s fine. You’re both old enough, and I obviously can’t stop it from happening. It’s just,” she pauses again, taking another deep breath. “It’s not a problem if you want to stay over, William, I would just like to know first – and I’m sure your mom would like to know as well. I mean, she called me quite worried,” she says, and you’re thoroughly surprised at her handling of the situation. “Yeah, I’m sorry, I was supposed to get up early and go back home but I must’ve slept though the alarm,” William speaks again. Your mother nods, looking around the room as she thinks about her next words. She turns her attention to you. “I was literally going to have the talk with you tonight,” she sighs, and you can’t help but smile. “Obviously I should’ve done it a lot sooner, but you know, not my favorite kind of past time, and then I saw you yesterday and I realized that I had to do it sooner rather than later,” she mumbles the last part. “Did you at least use protection?” she asks, once she’s out of the chair, hand already on the door handle. “Yes, mom,” you answer, hiding your blushing face and smile behind your hands again. She turns around. “Will, go home and apologize to your mom. And if you want to stay over, just ask, and it’s fine. And you, I’m getting you a doctors appointment first thing in the morning. You’re getting birth control.” She leaves the room and you both sink into the bed, bodies turning to the other. “Well, that’s embarrassing,” William mumbles, making you laugh. You scoot closer to him, placing a kiss on his cheek. “Yeah,” you breathe, looking up at him with a smile, and he leans in for a kiss. Or two. “But this is a good thing, right? We don’t have to sneak around anymore, and you can stay over,” you smile, and a smile spreads on his lips as well “I know,” he kisses you again, deeper this time. It is hard to pull away with his naked body over yours, wanting to have his body next to yours all the time – his skin pressed against you. He’s already semi-hard and pressed against your heat, when he pulls away. “I should probably leave,” he sighs, a smile adorning his lips anyway. “I know,” you breathe, loosening your hold on him to let him climb off you and out of bed. You sit up, pulling the sheets around your bare body, as you admire his while he pulls on his clothes from last night. He comes back to you once he’s fully dressed, pushing you back down and climbing on top of you. Your giggles stop quickly once he presses his lips to yours, kissing you deeply and passionately. “I love you, so much,” he smiles, placing a kiss on your cheek as you smile back. “Mm, I love you, too – and I’ll see you later, yeah?” you kiss him again. “Yeah, if my mom doesn’t kill me,” he jokes, climbing off of you again after having left one last, lingering kiss on your lips. “Hm, she wouldn’t do that to me… she likes me too much,” you joke back, making him laugh as he exits your room, eager to get home just so that he could get back to you again.