#which ultimately ends with disappointment when you don't reach the perfect happy ever after

[dothegravitybounce]

On goodreads I'm seeing some Jaenelle hate as well (not hate but like that ain't it yknow). Which reminds me of how much I love the way her character is constructed. The whole goddess walking on earth is super appealing to me, because the story always treats her as goddess whereas if it was in another book it would very much be a story about her as a woman solely and how that's ultimately better. For Jaenelle it isn't, her journey as a woman is a burdensome one actually. It's always skating on the line of overpowered Mary Sue but it's always reminding you that she actually isn't supposed to be there, alive, communicating and living amongst others. I love the parallels with Jesus (YES JAHSHAHS I KNOW but it's exactly that). Is she a savior or the fact that she's responsible for everyone and bears everyone grievances what ultimately harms and kills her freedom?

[sylphid187]

Epilogue:Another One

Sunlight hits his face as it streams through his bedroom window. Kenma groans and tries to roll over from his current position on the bed, but finds that he has difficulty moving. He blinks his eyes open and then looks down, only to see a pair of arms draped around his waist, holding him tight. His thoughts begin to drift and he sighs fondly, remembering that he is no longer sleeping alone again, because after long weeks alone in a large house, Kuro is finally home. 

Kuro had to go on regular trips away for the JVA, that was just part of the job description. Of course, this means Kenma is usually alone at their, yes it's officially theirs now, home. Getting Apple Pie, Pie for short, has been helpful to ease the loneliness. The calico kitten has been nothing but a rumble of energy and adorable, always there to keep Kenma company. But it didn't erase the loneliness completely, and there was just no feeling that could compare to having Kuro around. 

But current events have allowed them more time together in the following months. With the V-League officially back in season, Kuro has been put in charge of attending those specific events. With most of the games being held in nearby stadiums, Kenma could actually spare some time to go watch them live with him. This was especially true when Shouyou was playing. The Jackals games were either watched live or in the comfort of their living room, at real time, while cuddled together. Kenma has never missed any of Shouyou's games. 

It's been around six months since their messy confession, give or take. Six months since they came out to the public as a couple, and the start of their rollercoaster of a relationship. They didn't have the perfect relationship, Kenma thinks. They still had misunderstandings, and sometimes they argued about the silliest things. But they never went to bed angry at one another, never slept without trying their best to settle things, in a way that won't leave either of them struggling to pick up the pieces of the fight the next day. Overall, Kenma was content and happy, and he hoped that Kuro was too. 

"Thinking about something?" Being stirred away from his thoughts, he feels Kuro mutter. The other's face buried on the top of his head, voice still groggy. 

"Hm. Nothing important." Kenma replies with another sigh. 

"Care to share then?" Kenma feels Kuro shift his position a bit, allowing the smaller male to turn around and having them face to face, before once again feeling Kuro's arms around his waist. "I'm a very good listener you know." 

"I was thinking of replacing you." Kenma states in a deadpan voice. 

Kuro gasps "Kenma! I'm offended! Only six months and you're tired of me already? Woe is me." Kuro tightens his hold and touches their noses together. "So tell me then, what do I have to do to regain your favor?" 

"You can get up and make breakfast." Kenma states. "And maybe I'll reconsider." 

Kuro immediately grins. "I knew my cooking was good for something. Here's an idea, you stay here and get some more shut eye. I'll make sure you have something to fill your empty stomach in a bit, yeah?" Kuroo starts to get up, slowly untangling himself between the mess of limbs the two of them are in. But Kenma immediately stops Kuroo and keeps him in place. "Kenma?" 

Kenma buries himself between the blanket and Kuro and snuggles closer. "Ten more minutes. Please." He just isn't ready to leave this warmth just yet. 

He feels Kuro place a kiss on the crown of his head, and hears the other give out a small chuckle of amusement. "Of course kitten, whatever you want." Kuro slowly settles back into his previous position. And it doesn't take long for sleep to overtake him again, filled with complete contentment and bliss. 

 

When Kenma wakes, it's to his stomach rumbling and the wafting smell of buttered toast and sizzling bacon. He slightly sniffs the air before opening his eyes and sighs in disappointment that he can no longer feel Kuro’s warmth beside him. Kenma allows himself to yawn and stretch before he rubs his eyes to force himself awake. He puts on slippers and pads out of the room, straight to their connected dining area and living room. 

He stops mid-step and blinks when he sees Kuro standing there, cup of coffee in one hand, and cat food on the other. 

"There you go buddy, must be tasty huh?" Kuro crouches down to place a generous amount of cat food into Pie's bowl. The kitten gives a pleased meow. "Yeah, yeah. I don't want you ever complaining to Kenma that I starve you, you hear me?" 

"Meow" Pie continues to stare at Kuro with wide eyes. 

"No! You are not getting any more this morning. We want you well fed, not extremely chunky!" 

"Meow" came with marching padding at Kuro's feet. 

"I know there's nothing wrong with being a chunky cat! But you're young and we have to make sure you eat healthy first, then maybe we can get you a nice piece of fish for dinner, how's that sound?" 

"Meow!" 

"I knew you'd see it my way. Now, go get your breakfast!" And Pie saunters off to her bowl and just about devours her meal. 

Kenma smiles at the domesticity of the entire scene. Kuro having an entire conversation with their cat, completely unaware, with all his barriers down. It reminds Kenma how easy it is to just fall into normalcy with Kuro, even with their new relationship. It's as if nothing and yet everything has changed all at once. 

"You know, I can't believe you lost an argument with a cat." 

Kuro immediately turns to face him and grins. "Excuse me, I did not lose. We just happen to reach a healthy compromise." He places his coffee mug down on the table, and starts to pour Kenma a cup of his own. He motions for Kenma to come over, and the gamer complies, ready to get his dose of morning coffee. 

"She got her way. You're giving her fish for dinner, it'll be your fault if she turns into a spoiled cat." 

"Oh come on, don't pretend that you don't sneak her pieces of your dinner from under the table." Kuro grins at him as he slides Kenma's plate of a healthy breakfast. 

He doesn't have a retort to that. because yes, he does shove Pie bits of his dinner from under the table, but Kenma would never just admit that and let Kuro win that easily. 

"I'll take your silence as an admittance of guilt." Kuro tells him. "But don't worry, at least you know she's got both of us wrapped around her finger...or is it her paw? That just doesn't sound right."  

Kenma smiles again as he shoves a piece of bacon in his mouth. He's too focused on his breakfast; that when he looks back up a while later, he sees Kuro staring from across him. The taller male's resting his chin on one hand, finished coffee mug on the other, and looking at Kenma with a look that seemed like he hung the stars. 

"Why are you looking at me like that?" Kenma asks. 

"Like what?" 

"Like that. Like....I don't know, like I'm some kind of mythical creature. Or like I'm the best thing you've seen all day." Kenma clarifies with a raised eyebrow. 

"You are though." Kuro says with a smile so soft, Kenma kinda wants to slap that look off his face. 

"I'm what?" he asks again. 

"Best thing I've seen all day. Best thing in my life actually." Kuro says with the smile never leaving his face. 

Kenma's face burns, he looks down and aggressively stabs the next chunk on his plate and shoves it into his mouth. He hears Kuro guffaw at this, and feels his face get even hotter. "You know kitten, any more and you'd put our old Nekoma jackets to shame with that shade of red." 

"Shut up Kuro." Kenma mutters while he throws a glare at the other's direction. Kuro just continues to smile, already knowing that there isn't any animosity in that look. 

The remainder of breakfast passes in comfortable silence, moments with Pie inserted in between. Once they're done, they do their part to clean up, and then start their other routines for the day. Kenma goes back to his room and begins to focus on paperwork with Bouncing Ball and his upcoming stream, and Kuro goes to his own room to have a meeting with people from the JVA. 

It's pretty much routine at this point. Their jobs often being the reason why they can't always spend time together 24/7. But Kenma likes to think it contributes to why he loves Kuro so much, loves being with Kuro so much. His relationship with Kuro was never something that followed a certain set of standards or locked in a set of rules. They didn't have to always see each other to be happy, they didn't have to always physically be around one another all the time to be together , and they didn't require a regular update on each other's business every time. They also never deemed it necessary to be overly public about how they felt, at least not by their standards, which probably contributed to why they took so long to acknowledge their feelings in the first place. 

Theirs is more a quiet, straightforward kind of love. One filled with silent affirmation, affection, comfort and just being there when the other needs it the most. Kenma was never loud to begin with, always just observant and aware, but he never had to be for Kuro to know how he felt. Years of knowing each other has ultimately made Kenma realize that it's always, ever, been Kuro. And it always will be. 

Later that night, as the day ends and they snuggle together on Kenma’s large bed, Kenma’s thoughts drift to how lucky and content he is. Pie has chosen to sleep in between them on the bed tonight, positioning himself slightly, just on Kenma’s stomach. He thinks of his little family that they have built together and wonders about the future they have. 

"Hey." Kuro whispers, the man's hand stroking Pie's back, coaxing the kitten into a deeper sleep. 

"Hm?" Kenma tries his best not to squish their furbaby while snuggling just a little closer to Kuro. 

"We should get Pie a companion, don't you think?" Kuro asks him. 

Kenma raises an eyebrow questioningly. "You want to get us another cat? Why?" 

Kuro shrugs "I think it'd be nice to get the little guy a friend that's all. And don't you want Pie to have a friend?" 

"We aren't getting another cat." he tells the other. Kenma is trying to dispel this impulsive decision, and it has nothing to do with the fact that he would absolutely adore another cat. Kuro simply grins and their debate that night ends at that.

Three days later though, Kuro enters their home with more cat toys, another bag of cat food, and a small burmese cat following behind him. 

"Kuro. What's that?" Kenma stares, and gives the other a look . 

"... Not another cat?" The taller male says sheepishly, as he slowly sets the purchases down.  

The black burmese cat then pads over to Kenma and goes in between his legs. It's only then that Kenma notices the wet fur and shivering body. He bends down to pet the small creature and unknowingly smiles as he does. It then pads over to Pie who is observing at the corner of the room, and begins to nuze the other kitten. Kenma sighs in defeat before looking up to see a triumphant grin on Kuro's face. 

"Hey in my defense, I went to the store to get more cat food. This little guy just followed me home." He raises his hands in resignation after he puts down all his remaining purchases. "And it was raining Kenma! I couldn't just leave him there!" 

"Good on you for saving the cat. But we can't keep him Kuro. We're busy enough as it is and we already have Pie to take care of. We'll get him cleaned up and take him to the vet then find him a good home. Maybe Bokuto and Akaashi will want to take him." Kenma stands up and gives his pants a pat down. He desperately tries not to look at the new cat too long, or he's sure to cave into the request. 

When he looks up, Kuro is right in front of him. "Aww can't we keep him?" Kuro loops an arm around Kenma's waist and touches their noses together. 

Kenma glares. "I know what you're doing. And it's not gonna work Kuro." 

"I have absolutely no idea what you're talking about." Kuro says with a smirk. 

"We aren't keeping him." And again, Kenma tells himself that this isn't exactly because he doesn't want to, but that he's trying really hard not to give into temptation, and be the responsible adult in this relationship. 

"We can afford to get another cat though right?" 

"Well, yes we can." 

"And we love cats" 

"We do." He bites his lip at this. Damnnit Kuro. 

"So we should definitely keep this one." 

"No we won't" 

Kenma realizes at this moment that he's a liar. Because he never really could deny Kuro, just like Kuro couldn't very well deny him. And when it's all said and done, and they wake up the next day and watch as their cats are also cuddled together, Kenma can't really complain. 

Their newest addition to the family fits in with them perfectly. Like two pieces of a puzzle and two halves of a whole. 

Just like Kenma and Kuro.

Always together, no longer alone. 

So yes, Of course they keep the cat.

I added a second chapter to my previous KuroKen fic. This one is just pure fluff 🥰

[badbhye]

boyfriend yoongi! drabble

“Taehyung can you hold on one sec- FUCK,” you yelp as you trip over your sheer stockings, you're late you know this but your work requires time, you can't make an appearance until you've went over your ensemble at least four times to make sure nothing is out of place. Instead of tending to your slightly aching forehead, you check to see if your precious stockings haven't gotten a snag in the threads, you did wait a whole month to get them after all. Giving yourself a once over in the mirror, for the fifth time, you pat down a stray hair and smile, it’s perfect.

The knocking that had caused your fall continues and you groan, Taehyung technically wasn’t supposed to show up for another twenty minutes. The two of you had agreed to leave at 12pm, which in Taehyung time gave you another half hour, at least. If you were somewhat a perfectionist with your outfits, he was ten times worse.

“I’m here, I’m here, you can stop now, Taehyung,” you shout as you make your way to the front door. “If I get another complaint from my landlord about the noise level, I’m mooching off of you for th-” you pause out of shock. Because it isn't your hyperactive, loud best friend on the other side of the door, it's Yoongi. Min Yoongi your boyfriend of the past 3 months staring at you with an equally shocked expression marring his face.

He opens his mouth to speak after he’s eyed your figure about three times while you're slowly digging your own grave.

“___,” he says, eyes trailing the length of your body once more, “what the fuck are you wearing?”

It was too good to be true. Three months, three months you had spent in this relationship, the best relationship you had been in to date. You didn’t date around a lot in high school but when you reached your third year in college you met Min Yoongi, recently graduated and a TA for the music elective you had taken because you may or may have not forgotten to register for your classes on time and this was the only option left. You and Yoongi immediately hit it off when one day you showed up for class when it had ultimately been cancelled and he somehow, regardless of being the TA, had made the same mistake. Instead of leaving immediately and jumping into your bed for the rest of the day, because obviously this class was on the day you had no other classes, you took a seat and had a nice time talking to Yoongi instead. Idle chatter soon turned into friendship because you and Yoongi got along well, too well. You would talk about a whole lot of nothing and have the time of your life and soon enough, your friendship blossomed into something even better. The relationship was gradual, full of shied glances, half holding and long walks, you couldn’t believe someone as intimidating as Yoongi could be so… soft. The past three months were everything you had wanted in a relationship. It was perfect, too perfect, and you should have known better. You finally had gotten your dream guy in your grasp and it had all fallen apart because of a couple of knocks. Things never work out for you, for people like you.

“Y-yoongi!” you beam, eyes still panicked, “I didn’t know you were coming over!” your knuckles white against the door, holding it firm as to protect whatever’s left of your dignity.

“Yeah, you told me you were sick, and weren't answering my calls so I thought I’d come over to check how you were doing,” he says while holding up a bag of cold medicine.

You don't know if you want to clutch your chest and cry about how thoughtful and caring your boyfriend is or just cry because of how humiliating this entire ordeal is to you.

“H-how thoughtful,” you stammer as he pushes his way past you, your iron grip slipping and in a blink of an eye, Yoongi is standing in front of you inside your apartment.

“So,” he says after an uncomfortable pause, “you don't seem sick,”

“Yeah,” you try to laugh but it sounds more like a forced cough, “miraculous recovery, I’ve never felt better.”

Yoongi grunts, eyes trailing over you for what’s probably the hundredth time and you want nothing more than to seek shelter in your bedroom, away from all judgment. The two of you stand in silence, you wanting to silently rip your hair out and Yoongi looking as impassive as ever. Yoongi’s mouth opens as he begins to say something to you, probably end the relationship right then and there but is interrupted when a heaving Taehyung comes into view “___! I’M HERE I’M HERE YOU BETTER NOT HAVE LEFT WITHOUT ME!”

He holds onto the handle of your door, doubled over and breathing heavy, as if he ran all the way to your apartment and not from the elevator that’s just down the hall. His eyes widen once he notices Yoongi standing in your hallway, but to your surprise Yoongi isn't as shocked at Taehyung’s ensemble as he was to yours. Taehyung, in comparison to you, would go all out. He had filled out a custom order just for his outfit today; a pastel pink silk jacket with green detailing and white pants to match. He had even grown out his hair to a shoulder length and bleached it out and was decked in blue contact lenses to match. He truly took cosplay to a whole other level, it was like you were staring at a real life Howl the Wizard.

“Hyung!” Taehyung’s grinning, “what are you doing here?”

Yoongi shrugs, “just came to hang out, but you two seem busy.”

Yoongi looks much too relaxed and somehow that worries you even more.

“Wait!” you say, a little too loud, “You aren’t freaked out?” you point an accusatory gloved finger at your boyfriend.

Yoongi looks back at you, and shrugs again, “Why would I be, I’m more disappointed that you didn't tell me you liked to dress up.”

“Cosplay, hyung” Taehyung whines from the doorway.

You pause. “So…you don't think it's weird or gross?” your voice uncharacteristically small.

“Why would I think it's weird or gross?” he says, face serious, “if it makes you happy why should I be anything but supportive?”

You want to cry, and you feel like you're about to do exactly that and ruin the makeup you had spent the last two hours on. Before a single tear can shed you hastily wrap your arms around Yoongi and give him the tightest squeeze you can muster. He chuckles, chin settling on your shoulder and he sighs, “so, Sailor Moon, huh?”

He is immediately shoved back. “It’s Sailor Venus.”

A/N: this may or may not be the worst thing i’ve spit up but i really couldn’t help myself. as always, i’d love to hear your thoughts on this! n please ignore any errors i’m terribly sleep deprived and sacrificing my sleep for shit like this 

[kittycat143]

>So there r some who spend their whole lives seeking, sometimes giving,sometimes taking, sometimes chasing but often just waiting.

>They believe that Love is a place that u get to a destination at the end of a long road and they can't wait for that road to end at their destination.

>They are those Hearts moved by the movement of Hearts,those hopeless romantics,the sucker for a Love Story or any sincere expression of true devotion,for them the search is olmost a lifelong obsession of sorts but this tragic quest can have its costs and it's gifts.

>The path of expectations and the falling in Love with Love is a painful one but it can bring its own lessons.

>Lessons about the Nature of Love,this world people and ones own heart can pave this often painful path.Most of all this path can bring its own lessons about the Creator of Love.

>Those who take this route will often reach the knowledge that the Human Love that they seek was not the destination.Some form of love can be a gift.

>It can be a means but the moment that u make it the end,u will fall and u will live ur whole life with the wrong focus.

>You will be willing to sacrifice the Goal for sake of the Means.U will give ur life to reaching a destination of worldly perfection that does not exist.

>The one who runs after a Mirage(an unrealistic hope or wish that cannot be achieved) never gets there,but keeps running and so too will u keep running.

>We'll be willing to lose sleep,cry,bleed and sacrifice precious parts of yourself.At times even your own Dignity.U'll never reach what u're looking for in this life.

>Becoz what u seek is not a worldly destination.The type of perfection that u seek cannot be found in the material world.

>It can only be found in Allah swt,that image of Human Love that u seek is an Illusion,in the desert of Life.So if that is what u seek u will keep chasing.

>But no matter how close u get to a Mirage u never touch it.U don't own an Image u can't hold,a creation of ur own mind,yet u will give ur whole Life still to reaching this place.

>You do this becoz in the Fairytale that's where the Story ends,it Ends at the Finding,the Joining and the Wedding.It is found at the oneness of Two Souls.

>And everyone around u will make u think that ur path ends there at the place where u meet ur Soulmate ur Other half.At the point in ur path where u get Married.

>Only then they will tell u,u will ever finally be complete,this of course is a Lie,bcoz completion cannot be found in anything other than Allah swt.

>Yet the lesson u've been taught since the time u were little,from every Story,every Song,every Movie,every Ad and every well meaning Aunty,it's that u aren't complete otherwise.

>And if Allah forbid u r one of the cult outcasts who haven't gotten married or who have been divorced,u r considered Deficient or Incomplete.

>In some way the lesson u're taught is that the story ends at the Wedding and that's when Jannah Begins,that's when u'll be saved and completed and everything that was once Broken will be Fixed.

>The only problem is that is not where the Story ends that's where it Begins,that's where the building starts,the building of a Life,ur Character,some Patience preserverance and sacrifice the building of Selflessness,Love and ur path back to Allah swt.

>However if the person u marry becomes ur Ultimate Focus in life,ur struggle has just begun.Now ur spouse will become ur Greatest Test until u remove the person from the place in ur Heart that only Allah swt should be,it will keep Hurting.

>Ironically ur spouse will become ur tool for this painful extraction process,until u learn that there r places in the Human Heart made only by n for Allah swt.

>Among the other lessons that u may learn on the path of after a long road of Loss,Gain,Failure,Success n so many Mistake is there r at least Two types of Love,there will b some people who u love bcoz of what u get from them,when they give u the way they make u feel,this is perhaps the majority of Love.

>Which is also what makes much of Love so Unstable,a person's capacity to give is inconstant n changing,ur response to what u r given is also inconstant n changing.

>So,if u're chasing a Feeling u'll alwz be Chasing,no more feeling is ever constant.If love is dependent on this it too becomes inconstant and changing.And just like everything in this world "The more u chase it the more it will runaway from u".

>But once a people enter ur life that u love not for what they give u but for what they r,the beauty u see in them is a reflection of the Creator so u love them.

>Now suddenly it isn't about what ur getting but rather what u can give,this is Unselfish Love.This type of love is Rarest and if it is based in n never competing with the Love of Allah swt it will also bring out the most joy to love, in any other way is to need to be dependent to have expectations all the ingredients for misery and disappointments.

>So for all those who have spent their life seeking,know that the Purity of anything is found at the Source,if it is Love that u seek,seek it through Allah swt.

>Every other stream not based in Allah's love ,poisons the one who drinks from it n the drinker will continue to drink until the poison all that kills him.He will continue to die more n more inside until he stops n finds the Pure Source of water.Once u begin to see everything beautiful as only a reflection of Allahs beauty u will learn to Love in the right way for His sake everything and everyone u love will be for through and becoz of Him.The foundation of such Love is Allah swt.So what u hold onto will no longer be just an unstable feeling a fleeting emotion,n what u chase no longer be just a temporary high what u hold,chase,love will be Allah swt,the only thing that is both Stable n Constant.

>Therefore everything else will be through Him, everything u give,take or love or don't love will be by Him not by ur Nafs.

>This means u will Love what He loves n not love what He does not love n when u do love u will give to the creation not for what u can get in return from them,u will Love n u will give but u will be suffice from Allah swt,n the one who is suffice by Allah swt is the richest and most generous of all lovers.

>Your love would be by Him for Him becoz of Him.That is the Liberation of the self from Servitude to any created thing n that is Freedom,that is Happiness,that is Love.

Yasmine Mojahed♥️

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

I don't know how many tv shows you've watched that has ended? But what's your top 3 best vs worst series finales?

The answer  to your first question is a lot, haha. I’m always so terrible at answering my top faves or least faves, because I’m so indecisive but I will try my best. 

Best series finales: 

LOST - I can’t understand how anyone could not like this finale. It was so perfect. It felt like everything that had happened had been building to that finale. Every single one of them found exactly what they needed and they were happy. The idea of them finding each other in purgatory and reuniting in the afterlife was so beautiful, because it was perfectly fitting to the entire theme of the show of this idea of destiny and fate. All of the characters were connected, they were supposed to be together because they needed each other. As Jacob said, they were all broken, all searching for something and although it was different for all of them, I think that one overruling desire they all had was one of just belonging. Of having loyal friends and family, of loving someone and being loved in return and they all found that. It was such a poetic and lovely ending to the journey and I will always love it for everything it represents. 

Friends - This show was consistent from beginning to end - uplifting, sweet, funny, touching and warm. It ended at just the right time and didn’t drag too long, we got closure for all of the characters. We knew enough to know they had “made it” in the sense of they all had careers they loved, Monica and Chandler finally had the children they’d always wanted, Rachel and Ross were back together, Phoebe was married. All of them were there together at the end, they said goodbye to that chapter of their lives that we’d followed for 10 years. Seeing the apartment empty and them saying goodbye to it felt like closure for us as a viewer. Then that final line of, “Shall we go get some coffee?” and Chandler says, “Where?” It’s just so simple but so funny and heartwarming. The only criticism I’d really have is that in comparison Joey didn’t get the closure the others did, but the reason for that is because they did a spin-off with him called ‘Joey’, so I think it was deliberately left open for that purpose. 

Breaking Bad - How could I not pick Breaking Bad? Similarly to why I chose LOST and Friends, it was just well-rounded ending to what was a brilliant show from the beginning. There was drama, emotion and again, closure for all of the characters in some way. We got to see that conversation between Walt and Skyler where he finally admitted that he did it for him because it made him feel alive. That felt like such a well deserved moment that we’d all been waiting to see after having to listen to him claim over and over that he did it for his family. Walt was still a badass right until the very end and that stunt with the machine gun was just legendary. The fact that even after everything the bond he had with Jesse was enough for him to dive on him to save him was so beautiful. That relationship was really at the heart of the show and I think that it ended in a very beautiful yet tragic way. At the end they were standing there together, staring at each other, both of them completely different men than they were when they first decided to be partners and Walt has just saved Jesse’s life and asks him to kill him, but Jesse just won’t do it. Everything about it is poetic. That final scene with Jesse where he’s driving off and crying and hitting the steering wheel completely overcome with emotion and elation that after everything he was free…it was such a weirdly happy moment. Unlike Walt, Jesse was never a bad person, he didn’t enjoy the lifestyle and he was the one out of the two that always felt more moral to me and all I wanted was to see him get a chance to live, so the fact that he got that was so satisfying. As for Walt, he got the ending he deserved and wanted too. He was diagnosed with terminal cancer in the very first episode and from that moment on he was essentially a walking corpse, constantly suffering. He fell into the criminal life, because it was the only thing that made him feel alive, but ultimately all it did was bring him even more suffering and by the time we reached the end he was just done. He’d said goodbye to his wife, he’d gave her the explanation she deserved, he’d rescued Jesse and it was his time. That smile on his face as it zooms out on him at the end shows just how relieved he was that he was finally going to be at peace. It was such a great ending. 

Worst series finales: True Blood, The Vampire Diaries and Dexter. 

True Blood - To be honest, this show went down the shitter long before the finale, but even still it was so disappointing. I was never a big fan of the Bill and Sookie relationship anyway, I just found it so gross and after everything they went through I just felt like they should’ve ended a long time ago. Yet for some bizarre reason the writers still couldn’t let go of their relationship and brought them together again at the end. And to have Sookie sit in a grave and kill him at the end…I just didn’t get it. The idea was supposed to be that Bill is finally getting peace, but I didn’t even feel like he deserved it. I loved Hoyt and Jessica, but their wedding was completely forced. Hoyt didn’t even have any memories of her for Christ sakes. Did Hoyt even find out that the reason Jessica glamoured him was because she’d cheated on him with his best friend? Again the whole stunt was all for Bill, to give him the chance to walk Jess down the aisle before he died. But why should they have had to do that? The only good part of the finale was that Pam and Eric were endgame and the flash forward at the end that showed them all being happy and normal (which is what I expected from TVD tbh but we didn’t get that). That’s all that mattered to be to be honest. Everything else was a hot mess. 

The Vampire Diaries - I’ve tried so hard to see the positives of it, but no matter what it doesn’t change the fact that it was such a poor finale. Poor acting from Nina, OOC Katherine and Elena, complete lack of chemistry between the endgame couple, pointless and unnecessary death of the main protagonist, unsatisfying and pitiful ending for Bonnie, fanserviced letter from Klaus that was completely disrespectful to Stefan/Steroline, Katherine as the big bad was a flop and completely anti-climatic and although the final scenes with Elena and her family and Defan were sweet it really didn’t fit into what the show had been about for the last 8 years. It was essentially a complete rip off of the LOST finale but poorly executed and completely irrelevant to the theme of the show. Like I said, above LOST was always about the idea of fate and destiny of soul mates and people that are supposed to be together. All of the characters were brought together on the island by fate, but we learned they were all connected before, that they’d all met or had some connection through people they knew and so for them to end up together in the afterlife…it made complete sense and it was in keeping with what the entire show was about. TVD, on the other hand, it was never really about that. In fact, for a supernatural show there was never any real exploration of the idea of an afterlife besides “The Other Side” which was essentially a limbo for supernatural creatures and “peace”. I understand that peace was the overall message for the end, but it felt so forced and almost a cop out. A show such as TVD could never have a happy ending really. The fact that we’re supposed to believe Delena just magically had this happily ever after is stupid. They were hunted everyday of their life by some villain or enemy and suddenly overnight all of that disappeared and didn’t matter? How? That ending just didn’t match up to what the show had been about up until then and there were so many loose ends that weren’t tied up. You could just feel how rushed it was. 

Dexter - Once again, this is a finale I’ve always tried to be positive about because I never liked how much hatred it got from the fandom, because it really wasn’t that bad. The only reason it’s on this list is because Dexter is one of my favourite shows and the ending was pretty weak in comparison to what the rest of the show had been. I think it just wasn’t the epic ending I was expecting considering how great the writing was in previous seasons. Season 2 was amazing and I think the final season we should’ve got, whereby Miami Metro were finally putting the pieces together and starting to hunt Dexter down. As much as I love Deb, I think her death made sense because it was Dexter’s ultimate punishment, but the way it happened was pretty shitty and underwhelming. I wish Saxon wasn’t the final villain Dexter went up against, because who really cares about him? I hated that poor, sweet Harrison ended up with Hannah McKay of all bloody people and that Astor and Cody weren’t part of the finale. And the lumberjack ending which is so famous…it did just feel kind of blah. It was basically just an all round underwhelming and unsatisfying ending to what was a brilliant show. 

It was interesting thinking about this so thank you for asking!

[tellmeyourstory-art-blog]

Good enough?

When am I good enough?

Maybe it’s the stained pizza grease wife beater with the lottery ticket in hand, or the slicked back hair and cheesy sly grin of a used car salesman, or 70-year-old Marge at the Casino in a diaper. We pity them. Those who have dreams in finally making ‘the big one’

But, be you a CEO or, a ‘misguided’ millennial, or the happy husband with kids. We are all pizza stains, lottery tickets, and soiled casino diapers. We are all people setting our sights on goals for happiness that don’t exist. 

We naturally feel sorry for people who put all their hopes into dreams with slender chances of results, we pity them for taking aim at an impossible target. Like setting our sights on winning the lottery.

Someone may spend years of their life chasing Fame, Beauty, and Expensive cars or winning the Pokies. All of which are statistical near miracles.

But in our own very relative human ways we aim for near impossible targets even when we think we are being sober and level headed. Ironically doing the same to ourselves.

The statistical miracles we hope for in an ideal life are in relations to hopes in Happiness, Love, and Work

The ideally successful life would be that we pick the right area of work, swerve neatly into new fields and get public recognition, money, and honor for our efforts. We would work somewhere fun and creative and inline with our talents.

We hope for similar satisfactions in our love life, that we meet one special kind of devoted person who understands us completely, settle down, have 2.3 children and the domesticity of it never grinds us down because ultimately we are happy. Until we grow to the ripe age of 90. Finally feeling accomplished & dignified, admired by our descendants passing on our advice and wise generous lessons.

We might have some close to or slightly modified version of this ideal life. But the fact is we don't quite grasp how utterly impossible it is, how rare and strange  90  earth years are without major disaster in all areas not just in Love and Work are. 

So what’s good enough?  And how do you become satisfied with it?  How can you tell whether something you’ve done is good enough? Or just made it good enough for you? And can you ever be truly happy with ‘good enough’ when our deepest values demand us to be perfect and experience perfection to find happiness when we all know it can’t be reached? Do we learn to be satisfied with it? Hold hands with complacency while slowly destroying ourselves mentally with the monster that is the question; what if?

What if I had followed my dreams? What if I had kissed them? What if I didn’t get married? What if I had saved enough money?

Or in the pursuit towards perfection, do we destroy ourselves taking risks and hoping one day to finally find what being happy and feeling satisfied is?

Some put their hopes in others, look for it in the stars and pray for the will of the Gods, or buy lottery tickets, all which have the same statistical outcome of actually  living an ‘ideal life’

Most of us give up in a search for happiness and fill our emptiness with half empty bottle of Vodka, something to smoke, Orgasms and a Nihilist look on life.

It was that way for my Mom. As for me the pursuit for ‘good enough’ started with her too.

My Dad, best known for bringing Frank Sinatra back to Australia, was acquitted of 32 tax and fraud charges relating to the Importing of luxury yachts, had 3 wives, 7 children, and lead the snootiest high-class developer group  ‘The white shoe brigade’ even though he was a loud mouth, fat Australian who was once forced to  apologise to the Japanese consulate for throwing several square watermelons off the roof of the Sheraton. He didn’t care.  The man petitioned the government and changed legislations and laws to build his boat/golf luxury resort on what was deemed a ‘dump’ and unbuildable Marshland.

And even when everyone said it was impossible, he did it. 

Undeniable I have taken the dumping ground of my life and attempted to build my dreams on top of it. In fact, we all have our own impossible marshland and 5-star Resort being built on top of it. This is what made my Dad such an obnoxious yet irresistibly relatable human being. We all are just trying to reach for something we can't have.

My mom was his 3rd wife. She was your typical Californian Blonde and working as an American sports physiologist. He was 20+ years her senior. And of course, the papers and my father's ex-wife had no problem telling you that she was ‘the other woman’ or a mistress. My half-sister once confirmed how she believed my mom was a home wrecker because “how could leggy blonde love such a fat oath if it wasn’t for his money?”

But I knew that wasn’t the whole truth

As curious young children do. While my mother was busy drinking red wine  I read her diary.  One she had kept during college, as a cheerleader, writing of losing her first love in a motorcycle accident, that her father was an abusive alcoholic and foremost, the story of meeting her husband who she thought was the love of her life.

“I hated him, he was loud, fat and annoying” was the first sentence. I guess it always stuck with me because, in the dusty photos in the garage and the yellowing newspaper clippings, they both seemed so happy. As a child you believe your parents fell in love at first sight, you don’t think of the possibility of actually hating or despising the person you’d marry.

They had met at a Health Resort where she worked, he was visiting for investment opportunities, but instead of showing up to her personal training appointments, he was doing what a fat lazy rich man does. drink, smoke and make bets on whether he could win her “heart” for $1000 at the bar.

She recalled how he asked her to meet him at his hotel room and how ready she was to shout at and demean him, but instead of a fighting, they got along and talked all night.

“I knew we were supposed to be together” was the end of the diary entry.

I guess he did win the bet

Come 1990 the married in a  lackluster courthouse wedding in secret, and I was born In March 1992 with my twin sister. Soon after, we moved to Vancouver and despite promises to return and repay the $25 million debt he owed, the bastard died.

It’s not surprising a fat man would die of a heart attack in his sleep. But it wasn’t just a death of my father, but the death of ‘good enough’ in my mom's life, and my own.

I had been ignorant until I was 16 when again, searching through Newspaper articles in self-discovery I found one that had been hidden from me,  my mom had been investigated for his death because she hadn’t reported the body for 24-48hrs. I guess that is suspicious, but to me, I only grow up knowing how devastated she was as this would later lead to a 17year prolonged suicide from widowhood and never fulfilling ‘good enough’

The devastation of her dreams of having a beautiful wedding, the picket fence and house with blue shutters, a lemon tree, and a 2.3 children family.

I could only imagine how devastating it must be for a widow to be suspected of murder with two babies, and 25million dollar debt owed. She never truly healed which lead to her addiction.

as I pushed through the dusty photos in the garage, of happy family smiling, and the only photos of my dad, my mom, and my sister, I had no idea how bad things actually had fallen out of control since my Dad's death

How these events set into motion how I would spend the first 25 years of my life fighting to be good enough.

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We aren’t very good at seeing or understanding statistics when we plot our own trajectories

All we do is get born, go to school, go on vacation, go to college, fall in love, graduate and get into some kind of profession, get married, have  kids, send the kids to school, get divorced like 50 percent of the population, get fat, get the first heart attack, retire, die.

while the media bring us anomalies of our imagined society that brings more murder and beauty than actually exists.

if we could see what Life was like for everyone else, if we could see all the Grey Areas we’d perceive how frequent disappointment is and how my unfulfilled ambition is circulating  How much confusion and uncertainty is being played out.

Then we’d realize how abnormal and cruel the goals we have set ourselves to ‘find happiness’ really are. We need to feel more tenderness in ourselves for not ‘winning’  because in all probability we won't achieve what we hoped for though there is comfort