#why am i so fucking unlucky why is my rng so bad

[thingswhatareawesome]

i hate you stellar warp, i hate you i hate you i hate you i fucking HATE you

[jaymonoto]

JayMonoto Touhou Adventure II: Story of Random Numberland

I'll go ahead and put this under a readmore. For those of you who don't care to hear me discuss why being JayMonoto is suffering.

TLDR: I have Yumeko down, Shinki I still need to practice, but now most of my runs are decided by how lucky or unlucky (usually the latter) i get against Yuki and Mai.

Hoo boy god damn what the fuck. It's been ten thousand years.

I'm sitting here typing this at 5:42 AM after having slammed myself against my practice save states for about an hour and a half now, and I feel I can confidently say that I have Yumeko down. My biggest issue with Touhou 5 really and truly seems to be Yuki and Mai. My strategy going into them is always to KO Yuki first, as Mai is just generally way fuckin' easier, and I can actually complete her final attack, unlike Yuki. This has been working out, but even with this, I feel it's important to document my experiences.

I want to first preface this by talking a bit about something I wanted to talk about later, once I had actually completed TH5. I'm... not exactly all there, physically. It's not quite right to call me handicapped, but in terms of physical dexterity, motor skills, hand eye coordination, I have always been... especially lacking. To put it in a word, I was in special ed as a kid just to improve my motor skills, ultimately to no avail. I had to turn in typed papers in high school, because my handwriting is so poor. I can't catch, I can't throw, and my reaction time is atrocious.

This is all to say that doing this--playing these games, has been a struggle. Numerous times I have gotten into a boss, known exactly what to do, and when attempting to carry it out, completely fail on the execution because my hands just can't seem to do what I want them to. The learning process for bosses for me is painfully slow because several deaths happen because of complete failure of execution, and not even because of mistakes. And lord knows, even when I *do* make a mistake, when I get cornered, when I panic, my reaction time is so poor that when I try to bomb, I often times just don't. It's rough. But even so, I'm fuckin' doing it. I'm making it happen. I am doing this to prove to myself that I am capable of getting better, and that even if it takes one thousand times the effort for me to reach basic competence than someone else, that means it is still possible.

So what does this have to do with Yuki and Mai?

Call it johns, call me the 'glass bones and paper skin' guy all you want, but man, I'm just not lucky enough for this. I'm an extremely unlucky guy. It seems like everything that can possibly go wrong with them does. The past hour and a half I spent on practicing Yuki and Mai, and then Yumeko, only 15 minutes was spent on Yumeko before I had her down with 1b0m. The entire rest of the time was just throwing myself at Yuki and Mai, trying desperately to get a run where something didn't go Terribly Wrong. And yeah, most of the time it's something you can bomb out of, right? But now I'm sure you're starting to see where I'm coming from. That reaction time, that hand-eye coordination, combined with my still amateur STG skills, suddenly a lot of those Bad-RNG-enhanced Bros. Moves become a lot less feasible to deal with, or even to bomb.

I setup my PC98 emulator to have save states specifically so I could practice Yumeko and Shinki--because it feels like Yuki and Mai are such an aggressively huge spike for me that I can barely actually reach Yumeko or Shinki sometimes, much less have the chance to learn and improve at them.

At the point I'm at now, I feel relatively confident in my ability to clear the game soon. My goal was to complete the PC98 games by the end of this year, and I have three days left. I don't know if I can do it, but you're not about to see me give up.

[hotforharrison]

Unholy Divinity ch 2

Chapter 1 <-- Series Masterlist --> Chapter 3

Pairing: Harrison Osterfield/Reader/Tom Holland

Summary: Choosing to spend your eternity in heaven or hell should be easy, right? Yeah, not so much.

Word Count: 1,941

Warnings: Language & Smut

A/N: I should have been following the RNG, but instead I’m writing more of this because I can’t stay away from it. Please send help.

Harrison eventually left when he had business to attend to in heaven, and you found yourself alone in the silence of purgatory for the second time.

You took the opportunity to explore extensively. The room that resembled a waiting area was the largest, and it had a locked door on either end of it.

There was nothing of note within it, other than everything being bolted down, which consisted of some furniture and assorted pieces of decor. It was probably a practical thing. You couldn’t imagine most people being pleased by the prospect of eternal torment. Only idiots like you who were heavily attracted to a certain king of hell.

The long hallway connected to the waiting area room had 5 identical bedrooms to the one you woke up in, each containing a bed and empty nightstand. You’d hoped to find at least a bible in one of the drawers to read. Not your usual choice of literature, but beggars can’t be choosers. It would have at least made sense, considering where you were. You came up empty handed, though.

One end of the long hallway led to the waiting area room, and the other end was also locked.

Purgatory had absolutely nothing to do in it, probably because visits were meant to be short. Go to the waiting area, have Tom or Harrison or whoever else collect you, go on your merry way to your eternity. Most people didn’t get or want to have two options.

Honestly, you should have chosen the obvious option and already be in heaven, but you couldn’t get Tom out of your head.

You returned to what you considered “your” bedroom, the one where you woke up, and kicked off your shoes before lying on the bed, arms folded underneath your head.

Nothing you’d ever do when you were bored was an option -- no phone, no books, no TV, no music, absolutely nothing, just the overwhelming silence. Your brain corrected itself quickly. You could always touch yourself, and that sounded tempting after spending time and sharing kisses with both Tom and Harrison.

It also might make you drowsy and let you pass time asleep, until Tom or Harrison visited again, if you could even sleep in purgatory. You hadn’t been hungry or had to go to the bathroom since you found yourself there. Maybe sleep was the same way.

You cast aside your other thoughts when you shucked your pants and panties, pushing them to the foot of the bed, and got under the duvet so you didn’t feel completely exposed.

You closed your eyes and tried to pick which boy to fantasize about. Your indecision stretched on for long minutes until you realized you didn’t have to choose. Maybe you’d just think about them both. It wasn’t something you’d really considered in the past, but it was much easier than making a decision when each of them appealed to you in very different ways.

Your hand moved between your legs, and you spread some of your ample wetness over your clit, rubbing small circles around the sensitive nub. You were relieved that still felt amazing, even in purgatory.

You imagined both of them kissing your body, Harrison focusing on your sensitive neck and chest, whispering sweet things in your ear occasionally, while Tom trailed down your stomach until he ended up with his head buried between your thighs, eating you out expertly.

“Oh god,” you moaned, chanting Tom’s and Harrison’s names as you neared your high.

When you toppled over the edge into your climax, you dug the fingers of your free hand into the sheets, writhing involuntarily, eyes shut tight.

Once you’d come down, you sighed contentedly and opened your eyes to see Tom leaning against the doorframe.

“Fantasizing about a little ménage à trois, darling? I’d be down for that, but Harrison is probably still too much of a goody to ever consider it,” Tom commented.

You felt your face burn with embarrassment and hid your head underneath the duvet.

The bed dipped near the foot where you assumed he sat down. “No need to be ashamed. I didn’t think it was possible, but you’re even more gorgeous when you cum. I could spend the rest of my eternity just getting you off over and over again, and I’d never grow tired of it.”

You peeked out to look up at him, meeting his intense gaze, before sitting up against the wall, your bare lower half still covered. “Really?”

He nodded. “I’m curious now, though. What did you get up to with Harrison while I was taking care of things in hell?”

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” you teased.

“I would,” he responded, licking his lips. “Whatever he did, I’ll show you that I can do it much, much better. Did he fuck you, or rather make love to you for the first time sweetly underneath the covers with the lights off so as not to offend his delicate sensibilities?”

You laughed. “He’s not that bad.”

“So, he did deflower you? Pity, I would have made it so much better for you,” Tom told you, sounding rather disappointed.

You bit your lip, carefully deciding your next words. “Now, I didn’t say that.”

He immediately perked up. “How far did you go with him?”

“You’re being awfully nosy,” you commented with no heat.

He chuckled. “How am I supposed to compete when I don’t know what I’m competing with?”

“I’m the prize?” you asked.

He nodded. “And there’s never been a better prize.”

You paused, considering. “Why do you covet me so much?”

“You’re gorgeous and pristine, a perfect candidate for heaven, down to losing your life saving an innocent. I want to sully you in every possible way you’ll let me for the rest of eternity,” he said.

The thought of that went straight between your thighs, and you couldn’t help but squirm a bit.

“You like that, don’t you, sweetheart?” he ventured. “You want me to do unspeakable things to you, things that wouldn’t even cross Harrison’s mind?”

You swallowed heavily, trying not to show him how much that affected you.

Tom’s fingers played with your calf through the duvet as he talked. “Yes, that’s it. Harrison wouldn’t give you what you need. You’d be hard pressed to find someone more vanilla, even in heaven. You’d get bored of him in a matter of days.”

“Excuse me?” Harrison said from the doorway, obviously irritated.

“You heard me.” Tom raised his eyebrows when he glanced over at Harrison.

Harrison glared back at him. “Just because I chose to stay in heaven doesn’t mean I’m ‘vanilla’ and ‘boring,’ Tom. There’s no rules in heaven against being adventurous in bed.”

Tom laughed. “Yeah, maybe you’d turn the lights on when you’re feeling like spicing things up.”

Harrison’s eyes moved to your pants and panties near where Tom was seated, and he looked at you. “Did he do anything to you that you didn’t want?”

“No, uh, that, I mean-” you started.

“That was all her. Do you want to know how I found her earlier?” Tom asked.

“He really doesn’t,” you insisted, heart thumping in your chest.

“Tom,” Harrison warned.

Tom ignored Harrison completely. “She was a beautiful mess, moaning and writhing in pleasure, but what was interesting was what she was crying out.”

“Please don’t,” you begged, face reddening again.

Tom chuckled and continued regardless. “She wasn’t just moaning Tom, or just moaning Harrison. No, she was moaning both of our names. Our innocent flower apparently isn’t so innocent in her mind.”

Harrison’s mouth dropped open slightly, and his gaze met yours, expression unreadable.

Tears of humiliation and shame pricked your eyes, until they started falling down your cheeks.

“You made her cry, you fucking asshole,” Harrison spat as he crossed the room and climbed onto the bed, pulling you into his warm arms. His wings instinctively wrapped around you while he carefully wiped away your tears.

“I didn’t know angels could swear,” you said softly.

“There’s a lot of misconceptions,” Harrison told you quietly, then more loudly, “maybe you should go where you’re actually wanted, Tom.”

“Fuck off, Harrison,” Tom said, standing up and stomping away from the bedroom.

Harrison hugged you tight, kissing your forehead. “It’s alright now, love. Don’t pay him any mind. He most definitely didn’t become king of hell for his kindness and consideration.”

You swallowed, wetting your lips. “You’re not upset?”

He looked very confused. “Why would I be?”

“Because I…” you trailed off, unable to finish your sentence.

“Tom interrupted something private, something that was none of his damn business, and tried to use it to get under my skin.” Harrison sighed. “I would never be upset with you because you have fantasies. I have fantasies. That part of you doesn’t just go away when you become an angel.”

“Thank you.” You stroked his soft feathers gently, tracing them with your fingertips.

“Now that he’s gone, he didn’t do anything unwanted to you, did he?” he asked.

“No. He was a...well, not a gentleman, but not, well, you probably know what I mean?” you responded, hopeful that he did.

“Good,” he said with a sigh of relief. “Believe me when I say I know exactly what you mean. I didn’t think he actually would, but then again, he didn’t become the king of hell by being what you’d typically think of as a good person.”

You lay your head against Harrison. “Does he do this sort of thing a lot?”

He ran his fingers soothingly through your hair. “Not a lot, no. He’s been weirdly possessive over you. Usually, he would have lost interest by now if he hadn’t convinced you to join him already. Although he hates when he doesn’t get his way and will do almost anything to get under my skin.”

“Do you collect all the new angels from purgatory?” you asked.

“Not even close. There are quite a few of us who do that job. I don’t encounter Tom very often. This was the first time in years,” he answered.

“So I’m just lucky?” you guessed.

He shrugged. “Or unlucky, depending on how you look at it.”

“I have a question,” you told him. “If I do go to heaven with you, will I still get to see you again, or do you just drop me off, and it’s over?”

“Usually, I’d drop you off, and it’d be over, but I planned on seeing you again. I don’t think I could stay away,” he admitted. “Do you want to go with me now?”

“As much as Tom just pissed me off, I’m not ready to decide yet. There’s something...absolutely magnetic about him. I don’t know if I’d ever be able to get him out of my head,” you confessed.

“I get it. He’s always been like that. I don’t want to rush you into your decision. Unlike Tom, I actually care about what you want, and I want you to be happy, whether that be with me in heaven, or Tom in hell.”

You pressed what was supposed to be a chaste kiss of gratitude to his lips, letting it linger as long as he’d let you. He didn’t pull back, and you tentatively swiped your tongue along his bottom lip. His tongue met yours, and you spent what could have easily been hours unhurriedly and gently making out, your fingers moving between his face, and his neck, and his soft wings.

It was everything that Tom wasn’t, and also happened to be exactly what you needed.

You already knew that nothing about this decision was going to be easy.

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