#why can't i have a soobin life is so unfair

[agustdiv1ne]

my delulu behavior has grown stronger ever since soobin got instagram,, enjoy some boyfie!soobin thoughts <3

boyfriend!soobin who holds you close as the two of you watch a movie, glasses slipping down his nose as he drifts off every once in a while,, his chin rests against your shoulder while his long fingers gently trace the soft skin of your stomach under your shirt...his own stomach suddenly growls, and you look back to find him with a sheepish smile before he's asking if you want to go to the convenience store down the road

boyfriend!soobin who refuses to let go of your hand as the two of you stroll along, the road dotted with a few people despite the late hour,, a couple of night owls, the two of you...he greets the cashier with a polite smile before he's pulling you towards the aisle that shelves various brands of cup ramen, grabbing one for each of you and a few other snacks for good measure,,, outright refuses to let you pay, quickly sliding his card across the counter before you can even protest — just let him take care of you, hm?

boyfriend!soobin who stands nearly hip to hip with you as the two of you slurp up the savory noodles, staring out the windows to people watch, making up stories about the people who pass by — who they are, where they're headed, what they're going to do,, it's a habit the two of you have picked up, tucking it between the typical conversations you share...it's a special form of intimacy, quiet and soft, just like him <3

boyfriend!soobin who drags you to a nearby park to mess around, his tall, lanky form standing in direct contrast with the child-size play structure that he bumbles about..you giggle when he tries to go down the short slide, getting stuck halfway,, he pouts and makes grabby hands at you, indicating that he needs help..rolling your eyes playfully, you do, and his bright smile that you adore returns ^^

boyfriend!soobin who pulls you into a sweet, slow kiss in the middle of the dimly lit park, hands wrapped around your waist as his plush, heart-shaped lips mold against your own..he smells like warm, soft cotton, of vanilla with an undertone of citrus, the skin of his jaw warm and soft beneath your fingertips as you try to eliminate the space between your bodies, both of you trying (and failing) not to smile into the sweet kiss

boyfriend!soobin who conveys his love with tender, gentle touches and whispered words of adoration,, a certain kind of fondness colors his gaze as he looks over at you — something that he saves only for you — smiling as you happily swing your bag of snacks with the hand not engulfed by his,, he loves you so much that he think he might burst, his chest tight as he realizes just how lucky he is to have found such a beautiful, loving partner that sees him and accepts him as he truly is, faults and all <3333333

[yunho-1999]

Chapter three — Life sucks

Yeonjun felt bad, he had never seen you cry like that, so hopeless, so desesperate, you looked truly broken. And he felt like it was all his fault, he could have gone outside and help you, but he didn't, he froze in place without knowing what to do. He stood there looking at your body on the ground while you whimpered. And then, Soobin came. Like a knight in shinning armor. Your saviour. He hated that so much, he hated the thought of you liking Soobin more than him. He couldn't let that happen. You could only be his little angel, and no one else's. He was so into his own thoughts that when you touched his arm he got startled, not expecting your sudden presence "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you" you quickly apologized "it's okay angel, you didn't scare me, I was just caught off guard" he chuckled a little "how's Gyu?" "I gave him some painkillers and let him sleep on my bed, so I guess we'll have to sleep on the couch" "do we even fit in there?" he looked at the piece of furniture, seeing that it wasn't the biggest thing in the world "hm, maybe if we hug each other or something. If it doesn't work out we can just sleep on the floor, no biggie" you ruffled his hair before going to sit on the couch.

You wanted to ask him what was he thinking about, but at the same time, you didn't want to bother him with it. Yeonjun was an overthinker, he thought about everything too much. And sometimes that lead him to paranoia. Believing things that were only happening in his head. You couldn't really complain about that, because you were exactly the same. Often you got trapped into your own thoughts, analizing every situation, thinking about different ways it could end, or what were the motifs behind it "hey, what's got you thinking so much?" It was his turn to interrupt you as he sat down on the couch "I just, I don't know why these things happen to us you know?" You sighed frustrated, placing your head on his shoulder "we've done nothing wrong, at least you and I haven't. Beomgyu's a little wild. And yet, horrible things happen to us. Karma can't possibly be real, because if it is, it's doing a shitty job" you complained, thinking life was pretty much unfair "Life is fucked up y/n. Nothing goes like one thinks it does. Everything takes a different turn than what we imagine. And that fucking sucks" "but it doesn't suck for everyone. Like for example Soobin, his life is perfect. He's never done anything bad, and nothing bad has ever happened to him. Why can't we be like that?" Yeonjun frowned upon hearing your words, why did you have to mention him? "y/n..." He looked at you.

"Do you perhaps like Soobin? Like in a romantic way" "What?! No! I don't like him, at least not in a 'i would date you' way. He's my neighbor, a friend. That's it. Why did you ask this question out of nowhere..?" You asked confused, but he wasn't planning on answering you right now. He was the one making the questions "then why did you blush when he pinched your cheek?" Then you realized, he was looking at the both of you outside the whole time, that's why he was by the window when you entered the house "because I was flustered Yeonjun. That's what happens when someone you're not really close with touches you, or gets into your personal space" you explained, not wanting him to take it the wrong way "He's way too nice don't you think? I think he only wants to fuck you that's why he's so smiley and shit. Acting innocent just to fool you, to get your trust, and then boom, next thing you know he's bringing you to his bed" "wha- i don't think Soobin would do that. He looks genuinely nice. He even gave me painkillers to help Gyu" well he didn't know they were for him, but anyways "I don't know y/n... Something about him makes me not want to trust. He's suspicious in my eyes" "you worry too much Junnie" you caressed his hand now.

There was another concern in his mind, so he decided to change the topic with a new question "why were you crying?" His question caught you off guard, you definitely weren't expecting him to ask you that "I- I was just feeling bad. You know, for Gyu, and you. I really don't like when bad things happen to both of you" you pouted "you know you can cry in front of me right...? You don't have to hide yourself. I'm your best friend" by his voice, you could tell he was hurt "you're right, I'm sorry. I promise I won't hide anything more from you" "Promise promise?" He looked at you with a pout on his face, something that was quite rare of him "promise, promise" you held up your pinky finger, and he couldn't help but laugh at your childish action. You were always so cute. He also held his pinky up, now linking the two of them together "If you break the promise I'll be pretty sad you know" he nudged your arm with his elbow "yes, I know, that's why I would never break a promise" you booped his nose and then nudged into his side "I'm tired" you whined closing your eyes "Then maybe we should go to sleep?" He questioned laying both of you on the couch, you on top of him "I doubt insomnia is going to let us do that" you replied a light laugh leaving your lips "well, we can at least try can't we?" he suggested, his hands now caressing your back in a comforting way. It felt different from Soobin's touch earlier, this one made you feel at home "I suppose we can" you nodded closing your eyes while placing your head on his chest, hearing his heartbeat.

After what seemed to be an hour, you still weren't asleep. You simply couldn't. Even if you were tired, you couldn't sleep. A sigh left your lips as you opened your eyes, seeing a sleepy Yeonjun beneath you. He looked so cute like that, peaceful, quiet, inoffensive. You were so glad he was able to sleep. You smiled at him before standing up, quietly moving towards the bathroom. Not wanting to wake anyone up, specially Yeonjun. As you approached the desired room you saw some light coming out from underneath your room's door, were Beomgyu was. You frowned a little, and decided to go to the bathroom first, before investigating what was keeping your friend awake. After washing your hands you began to walk towards your own room, opening the door carefully. As soon as you did, the familiar smell of marijuana invaded your senses. Seeing how your friend was now on the little balcony, sat down having a good time as he used to call it "Y/N!" He immediately said when he saw you at the door "Come, come!" He gestured you to come over to where he was, and you did, closing the door behind you. As you still didn't want to wake your other friend up. You sat down besides him, a smile was now adorning his beautiful face "How are you feeling?" You asked looking up at the moon, today it was full, it looked like a giant spotlight in the sky "Much better" he said all giggly "Do you want some?" He asked while wiggling the blunt between his fingers "Actually, it's been a while, so yeah. I kinda need it" he inhaled a bit himself, and then he took the blunt extremely close to your lips, before pulling it away completely. You frowned at him, and he laughed teasingly. His hand held onto your chin, making you look directly into his eyes. He inhaled once more, taking as much as he could, before exhaling the smoke directly into your mouth. Unconsciously you inhaled yourself, trying to get it into your sistem. When it did, you immediately felt more calm, relaxed, like you were in a haze.

"Doesn't it feel much better? Like all your stress just washed away" he caressed your hair softly, admiring how messy it was at the moment. He could tell you probably were tossing and turning and couldn't sleep properly, as you always did "I would like to say no, because this really isn't good for our health. But fuck, I just feel so much better" you laid down, not caring about how dirty the balcony floor was at the moment "you see, that's why I use it dummy" he pinched your cheek "don't act like I didn't see you snort some shit into your nose Gyu. I know for a fact that you don't only use weed. I would have no problem with that" you snatched the blunt from his lips, bringing it to yours "Hey!" He complained, but he didn't really do anything to take it back. As he enjoyed the sight of you laying down, taking in as much as you could, looking so careless and free. That's why he liked you so much. You were the only one that would handle his wilderness while keeping him safe. Because everyone knew that Yeonjun definitely couldn't control him, he couldn't even control himself. That's why they both needed you. You kept them alive, literally. If it wasn't for you Beomgyu would have had an overdose, and Yeonjun, well, he probably would have ended everything himself. But you didn't want to think about that right now. You just wanted to relax "Give it back you greedy greedy" he complained, taking in the last piece that reminded. Finally finishing all of it "Sorry" you said cutely while your eyes remained closed.

After a few minutes in silence Beomgyu laid down next to you, placing his head on your lap "look at the starts, they look beautiful tonight" he mumbled, poking your leg so you would pay attention to him. And you did, as you opened your eyes you could see all the pretty starts in the sky. It looked so beautiful and intriguing. Reminding you how badly you wanted to study all about them, but simply couldn't. You had dropped out of highschool on the second year of highschool (korean school sistem) because it was too much for you to handle. Well, it was too much for the three of you, mainly Yeonjun, as the environment wasn't really good for him. It would trigger him too much, making him have constant anxiety attacks. And Beomgyu wasn't much better either, he would always get into fights. Even with the teachers. He didn't care, if he was right, he was going to defend himself. And you, you just couldn't handle the pressure, it was too much. Having to have good grades, studying something you didn't like, getting frustrated. It made you feel bad about yourself. So you three gave up, but at least it was together right? That's what apparently mattered to you and your friends.

"What happened to you legs babe?" He asked playing with one of the bandaids that was almost falling off your leg "the floor happened" you winced in pain when he took off one of them "hm, yeah but how did you meet the floor?" He stared at the wound poking it with this pointer finger. You simply frowned and tried to ignore the pain "skateboarding" "oh, you're still trying to learn how to do that?" He asked while laughing at you "hey don't laugh! I really want to learn... But I guess it isn't my thing" you shrugged, feeling defeated, maybe you should give up on that too "why did you want to learn anyways?" "Because of you and Yeonjun. You guys look so cool whenever you ride it, and I wanted to go with you guys" you pouted, feeling really childish "also! I made a friend at the skatepark, and he's so nice, I don't want to leave him hanging" "always so sweet aren't you" he stopped paying attention to your cut and looked at you right in the eyes with the brightest smile "you're the best y/n. Just so you know, I would risk anything to have you by my side" he giggled softly and closed his eyes, as he began feeling tired, and honestly, you were tired too. The time went by and both of you fell asleep right there, on the ground of your balcony.

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[kuic0re]

the sad part | yeonjun

your hands brush past his as you make to sit beside him on the bed. yeonjun shivers but you don't notice. you clutch a bowl of popcorn in your delicate hands.

internally, he sighs. he's weak for you. you. his best friend. he can't resist your smiles and your chuckles. he is the only one who can comfort you when you're missing your family. he is the only one you let hold you close while you weep after watching titanic for the seventh time.

"yeonnie?" you say, tapping his shoulder. he whips his head to face, his brows raised in silent question. you motion to the tv he's requested be set in his room. "you missed the movie."

"oh," he says, his face contorting in confusion. "when?"

a chuckle escapes your lips. you frown playfully, tilting your head to the side so some of your hair obscures your face from view.

"like, two seconds ago. it was—here. let me." you reach for the remote in his hands and he gladly hands it to you. your fingers brush against his knuckles as you pull back with the remote in hand.

yeonjun watches you in silence as you scroll through netflix, trying to find the knight before christmas. he admires how the light shines on your face, creating a silver lining on the tip of your nose and the apples of your cheeks. how could he, of all people, have ended up with you as his best friend.

best friend.

he miles at the thought. you give him a sideways glance and he averts his gaze to the tv. he doesn't see your face fall.

"here," you say, handing him the remote, trying your hardest not to let the disappointment seep into your voice. he takes it from you and you fold into yourself, clutching your legs to your chest.

he gives you a glance. then, as though absentmindedly, he grabs the comforter on his bed, holding it out for you to take. you offer him a smile you're pretty sure he doesn't see. taking the comforter from his hands, you wrap it around you, leaving some for yeonjun to cuddle into.

as the movie starts playing, you don't pay attention to it. your eyes wander to his face. you sigh. you've been keeping this inside you for so long. you're about to burst.

it all started back when you both first met. he was still a trainee, and you were foreign exchange student struggling to understand the korean language so you could go about your day. at one point you said something particularly bad to an old man at the cash register, not knowing that it didn't mean 'thank you' and instead it was the korean equivalent of 'fuck you'. the old man had gotten mad at you, yelling at the top of his voice for the whole store to hear. you can vaguely recall the words and now understand that it meant something along the lines of you disrespecting him.

confused at why you were being yelled at, you had burst into tears. yeonjun then understood that you did not know what you were saying and some kids at your school had tricked you. he calmed the old man down, explaining the situation as though he were your friend and escorted you back to your apartment. looking back, it was a stupid decision to trust a stranger to take you home. especially a man. but you were vulnerable in that moment and needed someone to comfort you, the overwhelming homesickness finally kicking in. but you wouldn't have met yeonjun otherwise. and you wouldn't trade your friendship with him for the world.

friendship. that word always leaves a sour taste in you mouth. it wasn't long into your friendship that your heart began fluttering and your anxiety spiked at the thought of you doing something stupid in front of him. this infatuation budded into a crush.

now you can say you're falling for him. and if you don't say anything now, you would regret it for the rest of your life.

but what if he says no? a voice mumbles at the back of your head. what if he doesn't feel the same way? what of you're just a friend?

your heartbeat picks up at the very thought of confessing your feelings. you heave a deep breath. yeonjun does not notice your dilemma. his eyes are glued to the screen. you reach up and gently tap on his shoulder.

it takes him a moment to register your action, but when it sets in, he turns to look at you.

"do you need to go to the bathroom?" he asks, his brows furrowed. "if that's the case—"

"yeonjun, please shut up for one minute or i won't be able to say what i want to." the words tumble out of your mouth, one after the other. so fast, it takes yeonjun a few seconds to register them.

he frowns, his head tilting to the side. a few locks of his hair obscure his eyes and you reach up to brush them away. you take a deep breath, steeling your nerves.

"yeonjun, i—" you throat tightens. "i—um. ever since i met you—well, not really but like, for a few years now. yeah, it's been a long time." the thoughts in your head manifest themselves into words and before you know it, you're rambling."i know you must be thinking, '___, why didn't you say anything earlier?' but, um, it's been hard, you know? and i didn't mean to keep this hidden for so long. it's unfair on you and, um—"

"___, where is this going?" he cuts in, concern pooling in his eyes. he reaches up to cradle your face in his hands.

you inhale, trying not to focus on the warmth of his hands against your cold skin, and cut to the chase. "i like you, yeonjun. i like you a lot."

his hands fall from your face and he looks stricken. he recoils from you slightly. you wait for a moment, studying his face for any changes. after, you reach out, attempting to hold his hand. he flinches, retracting it.

"yeonjun?" you say softly, feeling dread pooling behind your eyes. he averts his gaze to the floor. you see the guilt as clear as day.

faintly you hear the movie still playing in the background. everything becomes static. your vision blurs with tears and you inhale a deep breath. you screw your eyes shut, pursing your lips and willing yourself to keep the tears at bay. it works.

you push yourself off the bed, the comforter falling off your shoulders. silently, you begin gathering your things, shoving them into the bag you had brought them in for the sleepover. yeonjun follows you as you take hurried steps out of his bedroom.

"___, where are you going?" he asks, his hand curling around your wrist.

you look over your shoulder, giving him the most genuine smile you can muster through the ache in your heart. "oh! i, uh, just remembered. you know yona, my roommate, she needed help sorting some things out. i have to go." your voice cracks at the last word, your eyes stinging.

beomgyu rushes over to you from behind the kitchen counter, holding a tray of brownies. "at least stay for dessert," he says, his expression bright until he notices the tears in your eyes you're struggling to keep at bay. "___?"

you gently retract your hand from yeonjun's grip and smile at the boys. kai and taehyun have looked up from their mario kart race, not noticing how their carts have driven off the edge. soobin is looking up from the oven, in which he places another tray of brownie batter.

"i have to go," you echo, keeping your eyes from travelling to yeonjun's.

you run out of their apartment. you think you hear yeonjun calling after you before the door clicks shut.