#why did that dumb comic get over 300 notes

[donotfollowabandonedblog]

I got so lazy doing this hehee. I meant to get it finished the day after i posted the little comic as a cute follow up but uhh..

ANYWAY, ENJOY :D

[husbandograveyard]

Wootwoot! We made it you guys! May 4th is my one-year anniversary on Tumblr. With some ups and downs and over 300 requests written, I'm gonna go ahead and say it was a successful year!

Monday until next Sunday I will do another Mini HC event, like we did for valentine! Open for all my fandoms, with mystery prompts to choose from.

Until then, I wanted to do a sleepover event. Unlimited asks and interactions for the weekend cause I feel like I haven't talked to a lot of you in a long while!

You can send me any classic sleepover question

Kiss, marry, kill

Would you rather

Top 3/5/10...

Questions about me

Questions about my anime, writings...

Theories (keep em spoiler free though!)

For this event, I will engage in a little bit of selfship talk if anyone were to be interested. Ask me about my F/o's and tell me about yours! Dynamics, habits... anything!

Questions about OCs

If you need some inspiration, I have included a couple of lists below the cut with questions id be 100% okay with.

Also, if you just want to chat, tell me about your week, a funny thing that happened to you, or a fun fact (i love fun facts especially if it's creepy or an animal fact)... A N Y T H I N G is welcome! There is no limit to your asks, spam me if you want! ♡

Look forward to talking to you guys!

Ps, I'll tag these #1yearSleepover if you want to block something against spam

Questions for OCs - Specify which one! Taken from here

1. How many different places have they lived?

2. What is their dream vacation?

3. What is their favorite color?

4. What is their favorite book?

5. Have they ever cheated on anyone before?

6. Have they ever been cheated on?

7. How many partners have they had?

8. What is their favorite food?

9. Are they a liar? Are they good at lying?

10. Introvert or Extrovert?

11. Have they ever been arrested and why?

12. Who would they sacrifice their life for?

13. What are their spending habits?

14. Do they like hot or cold temperatures better?

15. Are they religious?

16. If they could describe themself in one sentence, what would they say?

17. Do they have any overused catchphrases?

18. What makes them laugh?

19. Have they ever lost anyone close to them? How did it affect them?

20. Do they have a fast reaction time, or slow?

21. How do they react to praise?

22. How do they react to criticism?

23. Are they indoorsy or outdoorsy?

24. What are their biggest pet peeves?

25. Do they have any type of handicaps? How do they manage them?

Other ask game - taken from here

1: when you have cereal, do you have more milk than cereal or more cereal than milk?

2: do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

3: what random objects do you use to bookmark your books?

4: how do you take your coffee/tea?

5: are you self-conscious of your smile?

6: do you keep plants?

7: do you name your plants?

8: what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

9: do you like singing/humming to yourself?

10: do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

11: what’s an inner joke you have with your friends?

12: what’s your favorite planet?

13: what’s something that made you smile today?

14: if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

15: go google a weird space fact and tell us what it is!

16: what’s your favorite pasta dish?

17: what color do you really want to dye your hair?

18: tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

19: do you keep a journal? what do you write/draw/ in it?

20: what’s your favorite eye color?

21: talk about your favorite bag, the one that’s been to hell and back with you and that you love to pieces.

22: are you a morning person?

23: what’s your favorite thing to do on lazy days where you have 0 obligations?

24: is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

25: what’s the weirdest place you’ve ever broken into?

26: what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

27: what’s your favorite bubblegum flavor?

28: sunrise or sunset?

29: what’s something really cute that one of your friends does and is totally endearing?

30: think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

31: what is your opinion of socks? do you like wearing weird socks? do you sleep with socks? do you confine yourself to white sock hell? really, just talk about socks.

32: tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

33: what’s your fave pastry?

34: tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

35: do you like stationary and pretty pens and so on? do you use them often?

36: which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

37: do you like keeping your room messy or clean?

38: tell us about your pet peeves!

39: what color do you wear the most?

40: think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

41: what’s the last book you remember really, really loving?

42: do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

43: who was the last person you gazed at the stars with?

44: when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

45: do you trust your instincts a lot?

46: tell us the worst pun you can think of.

47: what food do you think should be banned from the universe?

48: what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

49: do you like buying CDs and records? what was the last one you bought?

50: what’s an odd thing you collect?

51: think of a person. what song do you associate with them?

52: what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

53: have you ever watched the rocky horror picture show? heathers? beetlejuice? pulp fiction? what do you think of them?

54: who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

55: what’s the most dramatic thing you’ve ever done to prove a point?

56: what are some things you find endearing in people?

57: go listen to bohemian rhapsody. how did it make you feel? did you dramatically reenact the lyrics?

58: who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

59: what’s your favorite myth?

60: do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

61: what’s the stupidest gift you’ve ever given? the stupidest one you’ve ever received?

62: do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

63: are you fussy about your books and music? do you keep them meticulously organized or kinda leave them be?

64: what color is the sky where you are right now?

65: is there anyone you haven’t seen in a long time who you’d love to hang out with?

66: what would your ideal flower crown look like?

67: how do gloomy days where the sky is dark and the world is misty make you feel?

68: what’s winter like where you live?

69: what are your favorite board games?

70: have you ever used a ouija board?

71: what’s your favorite kind of tea?

72: are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

73: what are some of your worst habits?

74: describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

75: tell us about your pets!

76: is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

77: pink or yellow lemonade?

78: are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

79: what’s one of the cutest things someone has ever done for you?

80: what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

81: describe one of your friend’s eyes using the most abstract imagery you can think of.

82: are/were you good in school?

83: what’s some of your favorite album art?

84: are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

85: do you read comics? what are your faves?

86: do you like concept albums? which ones?

87: what are some movies you think everyone should watch at least once in their lives?

88: are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

89: are you close to your parents?

90: talk about your one of you favorite cities.

91: where do you plan on traveling this year?

92: are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

93: what’s the hairstyle you wear the most?

94: who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

95: what are your plans for this weekend?

96: do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

97: myer briggs type, zodiac sign, and hogwarts house?

98: when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

99: list some songs that resonate to your soul whenever you hear them.

100: if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

[tessatechaitea]

Cerebus #16 (1980)

Cerebus is going up the stairs while Lord Julius is going down them. In the same direction.

Cerebus is often touted as the greatest independent comic book of all time (for various reasons) but I'd like to point out that Elfquest told an incredible story with beautiful art in just 20 issues as opposed to 300. Plus it had an elf orgy. Also, I know it continued on after the first 20 issue story arc but we can ignore the rest of the story because there was never another elf orgy and also the rest of the series concentrated too much on Skywise's fear of dying which was totally valid but was often used as a foil to make Cutter seem braver and more loyal to his wolf roots but really just showed he was stubborn and dumb and totally didn't fuck as many elf maidens as Skywise did. Cerebus does have some sex in his comic book but since the first sex he has is when he rapes Astoria, I don't think anybody was really clamoring for any more of that. I mean, sure, some people were! I didn't mean to erase the sickos and perverts out there. Sorry, jerks! I'm sure the "A Note from the Publisher" bit by Deni seemed like a good idea when starting out on a harrowing self-publishing journey like that of Cerebus. But it quickly became a space where Deni just says, "Self-publishing is fraught with hardships and also this is a really good issue! I won't spoil it! Goodbye!" I won't be sad to see the divorce happen! That's an okay thing to say because it already happened, right? It's not like my wishing for the end of their marriage in 2020 somehow brought about the end of their marriage in the early 80s. Is it? I never took a college course on cause and effect so who the fuck knows? Unless that Critical Literary Theory class was about that?! Oh my God! I think I understand it now! Dave's finale to the "Swords of Cerebus" essay that has been broken up over the last three issues describes how he was consciously drawing the Eye of the Pyramid cult leader's gigantic penis while drawing the snake. Sorry to report, though, that he's being sarcastic. Apparently Dave is above using phallic imagery to make a point about patriarchal themes. Only fucking hacks do shit like that! Take that, whoever wrote fucking Beowulf!

Even if Sim can't see the humor in everybody assuming he made a giant snake dick joke on purpose, he can still be extraordinarily funny with the least of materials.

This issue takes Cerebus to his first fancy dress party (that's a costume party for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was born a citizen of the United States of America who didn't have a choice but knew it was a huge mistake as I was learning about Monty Python's Flying Circus and Dave Allen at Large in elementary school and The Young Ones in junior high and Red Dwarf in college)). Cerebus changes out of his vest and puts on his costume: a furry black jumper (that's sweater for all of you people who aren't British (which is also me but only because I was forced to watch mostly American popular entertainment until the advent of YouTube and now I mostly just watch Taskmaster over and over (by the way, is Taskmaster as good for people who don't know all of the "contestants" or do I enjoy it more because I recognize and like almost all of the people on the show?)). Lord Julius is dressed as an, um, a, uh, Estarcion matador? I have no context in which to guess what he is.

Certain people like Cerebus because he says what's on his mind. I purposefully used the passive voice here so you can't prove one of those people is me.

Lord Julius has a follow-up joke that leaves the reader thinking, "I guess all Pavrovians are fat?" That's Dave Sim continuing his work on Estarcion continuity! Remember how Pavrovians are the, um, you knows of Estarcion! You know the nationality I'm thinking of! The ones that are all the things people usually find insulting! Come on, you know who I'm talking about. The dumb fat arrogant stupid naive gullible ones! Yes, that's it! Americans! Try to remember Dave is Canadian. You have to think of Americans through Canadian eyes (which are the equivalent of smart, cynical Americans)! E'lass and Turg have gotten tickets to The Festival of Petunias so they can steal the Wyndmel Diamond. They're the duo composed of a giant muscular man and a little bitty shrimpy guy who last encountered (and were beaten by) Cerebus in Issue #6. E'lass is dressed like some kind of small dirt dwelling creature so I hope Cerebus gets offended by his costume and stabs him in the throat. There isn't enough random slaughter in this book about barbarians.

I haven't wanted to fuck a fish this badly since The Littler Mermaid.

I suppose I could have said "since Splash" in that last caption to seem more normal and less perverted but then you'd know I was lying. The assassins make a move on Lord Julius but Cerebus comes up with a plan to stop them that involves inducing the Palnu elite to throw herring-and-onion dip at them. Is that a parodied scene from Duck Soup or Conan the Barbarian? In the confusion, the lead assassin slips out through a secret door and E'lass, having just stolen the diamond and becoming increasingly paranoid that somebody saw him, slips through it as well. Cerebus and Lord Julius follow, having noticed the assassin but not E'lass. Most of the pursuit's tension comes from E'lass believing Cerebus remembers him and is now going to use the excuse of this new crime to murder him. It's more tense than I've even described because I really need Cerebus to murder somebody in this Swords & Sorcery book already. Reading this book waiting for a murder is like firing up a porn video on your laptop with your dick in your hands and realizing after five minutes that the video is almost over and was just a teaser for a pay porn site. Cerebus threatens to quit his job just before battling the assassin so he can negotiate a term of 8 bags of gold and a horse in exchange for killing the assassin as a pension before he goes. Julius agrees and Cerebus takes out the assassin with a rock to the head. I mean, I guess it's a murder so yay? But I was really hoping for some stabbing. Meanwhile E'lass lives through the cliché of the criminal whose paranoia gets the better of him and he tosses the diamond into a huge pit so he doesn't get caught only to discover that they never knew he took it anyway. Everything is wrapped up quickly and thoroughly with Cerebus given money and motivation to move on from Palnu. Dave complained about his heavy use of cliché in this Palnu trilogy and I have to say I agree with Dave. But I only agree with Dave on this point! Don't take that out of context and start raving on Twitter that Grunion Guy agrees with Dave's Issue #186 rant about girlfriends being illogical which is also secretly a rant about a guy who needs to get laid so badly he puts up with partners he probably wouldn't even be friends with and then finally just decides orgasms are evil and religion is super awesome but only if you smash all three People of The Book religions into one bland mash paste of ancient dogma. In the epilogue, Lord Julius receives a letter from his niece Jaka in which she expresses delight in possibly seeing Cerebus again. I guess Dave learned from Howard the Duck that comic book nerds really love for their anthropomorphic heroes to be fucking statuesque women. Perhaps every guy develops a fetish of being with a woman whose breasts are at head level due to being hugged constantly by their female relatives when they're ten years old. Deni's brother Michael's first installment of the "Aardvarkian Age" essays appears in this issue. It gives more details to the various nations of Estarcion and their inhabitants' culture, ruling styles, and brutality of their armies. I thought I'd be more interested in this than I actually wound up being. Maybe I thought it would be funnier? Instead, it's just a bunch of facts about made-up kingdoms to make them sound more believable by making them more like European countries in the Middle Ages. If this entire bit were just lifted from a history of Europe with the names of actual countries replaced by Estarcion countries, I wouldn't even notice. Mostly because I know nothing about European history. As I've always said, "Those who know about European history are doomed to repeat it, boring every single other person at the cocktail party." Dave apologizes for the quarter price increase of the comic book in the Aardvark Comments pages. Why, I hadn't even noticed! Probably because this is the Biweekly reprint issue and I purchased it as a collection off of eBay. Some people write in and discuss how Cerebus is a very fine and funny comic book. I nodded along in agreement as I read the letters. I only touched my private area twice while reading and neither time was for pleasure. The most surprising thing about "The Single Page" is that it clearly states who the comic was authored by: Kent Featherly. I don't know why so many of these single page comics aren't more clearly labeled. Isn't part of the reason for having them exposure for the artists drawing and writing them?! Not putting an effort to let a large audience know who you are and how they can read more of your work just sounds like something I would do. By the way, you should play this game I wrote, Starship Troopers: The Game. You can find it on the hard drive of my laptop. Cerebus #16 Rating: B. Look, it was funny and well drawn and all that. But even Dave said it relied too heavily on cliché plot devices. I've got to lower the grade when even the author points out some of the story's flaws! And I'd probably have come to the same conclusion without having been influenced by Dave Sim because I'm like the best Internet comic book critic who isn't a critic and isn't actually reviewing comic books. Also I almost forgot this evidence: I'm a Grandmaster Comic Book Reviewer! Nobody else can make that claim and if they do, they're plagiarizing me and I'd like you to point them out to me so I can send them a threatening email in which I pretend to be my own lawyer who is really good at suing dumb-dumbs.

[thecorteztwins]

Fabian Cortez: A Masterlist of Marvel’s Worst Man or Mutant

@sammysdewysensitiveeyes  Heya! Sorry this took a bit. I have a LOT of Fabian comics to go through. I want to rec the ones really worth reading in terms of content, whether quantity (a lot of him) or quality (he’s important, scummy, or funny in some way) I also wanted to describe what the actual content inside them is, so you can decide for yourself if it’s up your alley or not for what you’re looking for. So under the cut I’m going to list you every piece of Fabian Cortez content worth having! Complete with pictures! Try not to drool, ladies! 

I’ll start with his 616 issues. X-Men (second series) #1: Fabian arrives! First thing he does is use the fact that his sister was nigh-fatally shot defending him to MANIPULATE MAGNETO WITH HER APPARENT DEATH while conveniently not mentioning he can heal her and she’ll be fine. Also introduces the term “flatscan” hooray! X-Men (second series) #2: Magneto shows up to save the Acolytes from the bullshit they got themselves into. Scolds Fabian on the way home after. Quality bits include that when Magneto arrives to collect his stupid followers, Fabian grins RIGHT AT THE GODDAMN CAMERA like he fucking KNOWS. Also, THIS HAPPENS

FUCKING FABIAN I SWEAR TO GOD HE’S SO GROSS also this is when she calls him Magneto’s “pet boy” which I am never ever letting go of X-Men (second series) #3: Fabian betrays Magneto and the other Acolytes, leaving them to die! So what’s the humorous content? Well, they’re spying on a napping Xavier, and Fabian is all “What are you doing, old man?” pondering-like, and Magneto goes “Sleeping?” and idk I find that fucking hilarious. Magneto and Fabian hold hands while Fabian tells him “Let me take you to your quarters” RAWR

X-Factor #92: Fabian’s first interaction with Pietro! He’s pulled together this massive fucking Acolytes attack on a government facility, exposed their secret Sentinel project to X-Factor, put an alien parasite in Val Cooper (which she vomits up in this issue) to control her...ALL TO TALK TO PIETRO!!! Yeah. Also he makes a girl kneel between her knees and creepy-touches her hair, then PULLS it while snarling about how Pietro will be his. So. Yeah. The Uncanny X-Men #300: This happens

Moira also whispers to Neophyte (a teenage boy Acolyte) about how she’s seen how he looks at Fabian when no one is watching. She actually is referring to how she can tell Neo knows Fabian is lying about everything, but still. Neo also quotes some shit about how “Lord Cortez was with our savior a the moment of his death. Magnus has entrusted him” that you just fucking KNOW Fabian is the one who said this you KNOW he’s been preaching this shit to his new Acolytes. Meanwhile, the Gamesmaster TROLLS THE HELL OUT OF FABIAN by letting him talk about how “lol yeah I totes killed Magneto” when Gamesmaster knew that Neo was listening. When Fabian calls Gamesmaster out on this “You set me up!”), Gamesmaster is like “lol yup trololol” and his reason is honestly just that it was funny (”Anything to keep the game interesting”) Fabian tries to run away during a fight because of course he does. THEN WE GET THE FAMOUS NAKED TANTRUM!!!

BECAUSE THIS WAS NECESSARY Fun fact, the naked tantrum epilogue is done by a different artist than the rest of the issue. The person who did most of the issue draws the men with heavy black body hair. The person who did the naked epilogue does not. So Fabian goes from having very hairy arms to totally smooth, suggesting he just got a full-body wax during the time between the tantrum and the main story. So there’s that. Also he breaks a window during said tantrum because THAT’S such a smart idea; nothing like glass shards in your urethra! Also jumps on a man (still naked) while he screams about being royalty. God, I love him. The Uncanny X-Men #304: Opens with the Acolytes dogpiling on Fabian because Exodus has revealed he’s full of shit and the one who killed Magneto. He is STILL trying to give them orders---specifically, the female ones! Oh, Fabian! Exodus, rather than killing him, teleports him away, claiming that Magneto doesn’t want him executed but to suffer slowly “a victim of someone else’s legacy” This was probably meant to foreshadow that Fabian had the Legacy virus, since that plot was just starting at this time, but that never happened so it just comes off like Magneto, being an egomaniac himself, knew that just fading into obscurity would be the perfect punishment for someone like Fabs. Avengers #368 (Bloodties Part I of V): Starts with Fabian holding little Luna above the flames of Genosha and monologuing to her. SHE’S A BABY, FABIAN. SHE CAN’T UNDERSTAND YOU. WHY DO YOU LOVE YOUR OWN VOICE SO MUCH. It is kinda cute (if you ignore the whole “city on fire” thing) that she’s wrapped up in his cloak and appears to be smiling and snuggling him while he rambles. Maybe she thinks he’s telling her a story, idk. All I know is Luna is the only person in this whole damn series who has ever liked Fabian at all and that’s because she’s a literal toddler (infant?) who doesn’t know what’s going on. Issue also ends with Fabian and Luna. He and his forces have murdered the entire government of Genosha and now he’s proclaimed himself the new Chief in State of the nation. He addresses the people from a broadcast inside the state citadel, with a worried-looking Luna on his knee, surrounded by the corpses of the former government. I personally don’t think he looks good on TV. Not good for humorous content, but is worth it if you also want to see him actually seeming scary; it’s gonna be the last time he does it. X-Men (second series) #26: Fabian holds a very confused baby Luna as he gives a big dumb ranty speech to the Genoshans. Also shows up to flash thigh at Pietro like this:

Avengers #369 (Bloodties Part V of V): Exodus takes baby Luna from Fabian and kills him effortlessly. Nothing funny here, but if you enjoy the idea of him dying in a sewer, it may be for you! The Uncanny X-Men #307 (Bloodties Part IV of V): Pietro, Jean, Crystal, and Wanda search the Genoshan sewers for Fabian and Luna. There’s a lot of very unintentional humor here. Pietro mistakes HIS OWN WIFE for Fabian in the dark after HEARING HER VOICE, Fabian compliments Pietro on HOW WELL HE SCREAMS FABIAN’S NAME, Fabian teling Wanda and Pietro not to fight over him, Fabian ranting about how his life is in danger AS IF HE EXPECTS ANY OF THEM TO CARE LOL. Also at this point Fabs is having a nervous breakdown in sheer pants-pissing fear of Exodus, so he is REALLY rough-looking. Very unkempt, very unclean, raggedy cape, and the only time we see his hair out of the ponytail. Don’t know if you’re into the whole “grungy crazy-eyes” look but if you are, this is the issue for you! The 1996-1997 Magneto miniseries is full of hilarious Fabian goodness! It also does not actually have Magneto in it. It has Joseph, Magneto’s younger clone, believed by everyone at the time to be a de-aged Magneto with amnesia. It’s four issues and THE ART IS HORRIBLE and they forget Fabian’s ponytail through the whole thing except one issue...but the Fabian fuckery is AMAZING! It’s where he lies to a bird, it’s where he returns from the death no explanation and comes in LEVITATING AND SPARKLING with also no explanation how he’s doing that, where he tells a woman that snow reminds him of himself because he’s SO PURE and then tries to put her in his would-be harem two issues later and SHE BEATS HIM UNCONSCIOUS AND NO ONE QUESTIONS HER WHEN THEY WALK IN ON IT, where they lock him up and he escapes by somehow making A BIG FUCKING HOLE IN THE WALL WHAT THE FUCK and Joseph is just like “eh he’ll die out there” and apparently that’s just fine with everyone (LOOOL), where three Acolytes fight over who gets to kill him....honestly it just goes on and on, it’s great. A+ Fabian material, you must read! Fabian also tries to tutor Joseph on how to be Magneto and all I can think of is the bit in “Anastasia” where Vlad and Dmitri teach Anya about being a princess. Also he tricks “Magneto” into kissing a woman and it makes Exodus cry. So there’s that too. Quicksilver #1: IN JUST  ONE SINGLE ISSUE Fabian manages to get a MASSIVE AQUARIUM comically dumped on him because he didn't listen to a woman, literally RAINS on poor Bova and Luna who have NO IDEA why a random wet fuckboy is falling on them from the ceiling screaming, SHOOTS A HORSE FURRY ON ACCIDENT, and then gets scolded like the idiot he is by Exodus. I’m just...in awe. Quicksilver #4-6: MAXIMUS AND FABIAN TEAM UP!! Heroes for Hire & Quicksilver Annual 1998: Pietro is finally ready to lead the Acolytes like Fabian was always pressuring him to!...and Fabian goes “lol nope” when Pietro is like hey go fight this dangerous battle. FABIAN. Exodus and Pietro both think he’s a coward lol. Fabs just takes anyone with him who will go and tries to split XD Magneto Rex #1: Magneto tracks down Fabian to make him serve him again. Involves Fabian saying “I guess I don’t have any choice” while kneeling in front of Magneto and a closeup of Magneto’s hand on his head. So yes. And Magneto even brought along a NEW ponytail douche with him, Pipeline, just to show Fabian he’s not special. X-men (second series) #96: A shirtless Magneto sits up in bed after having a dream about Xavier and yells “Fabian Cortez! Attend me!” Fabian comes running into his room. Also Magneto punches him in the face. Uncanny X-Men #379: At this point everyone knows Fabian is a big fat traitor so he doesn’t even try to hide it, he just openly talks treason to the other Acolytes. Magneto catches him and tosses him into a pillar, he ain’t even surprised. Magneto Dark Seduction #1: Pietro walks in on Fabian sitting in Magneto’s chair when no one is around and yells at him. Magneto Dark Seduction #2: He’s in it but not worth noting. If you want to read the Dark Seduction series as a whole though, you probably should read this just for context’s sake. He does send a goddamn email as “Trojan Horse” though. Seriously. Trojan Horse. FABIAN ARE YOU SERIOUS?! Magneto Dark Seduction #3: Just a couple panels, but Fabian getting a fuck ton of guns pointed at him while he plays innocent!

Magneto: Dark Seduction #4: Fabian stares at a woman’s ass while negotiating with her for his release. He never notices the floating head of Sinister behind him because of said staring. He complains about the means of escape she gives him not being good enough, and then is killed by Magneto. So the last two things he does in his life is stare at a woman’s butt and be an entitled brat. HE DIED AS HE LIVED! X-Men ‘92 is indeed great! The thing to remember is, there are TWO X-Men ‘92 series. The first series is part of the 2015 Secret Wars and is four issues. The next series, which spanned 10 issues from 2016 to 2017, is not. The one with Fabian content is the second one. However, he is NOT in every issue, and not every issue he’s in will have Quality Fabness. X-Men ‘92 #2: His first appearance in these pages, in which he immediately shows us YUP, IT’S HIM by proclaiming himself THE SUPREME MUTANT:

X-Men ‘92 #6: Features Fabian undercover as a roadie in Lila Cheney’s band. This is where he fools all the X-Men here as security by him just wearing a goddamn baseball cap. Also features THIS FUCKING FACE:

X-Men ‘92 #7: The first page doesn’t have Fabian, but it does have someone talking about him! He’s one of The Toadies, the band that Lila was playing with, and a real-life grunge band that got to cameo in these issues! He refers to Fabian as “that weird roadie with the ponytail” which is priceless enough, but also says that the band “chased him to the parking lot but lost him” That’s right, Fabian was CHASED THROUGH A CONCERT PARKING LOT BY A GRUNGE BAND! And it was off-screen! This is both FANTASTIC because it happened and a HUGE LOSS that we didn’t get to see it. Later in the issue, Fabian himself does show up being HIMSELF and we get this:

Because we needed that angle of him, I guess. Thanks artists. And then we get him...being himself. X-Men ‘92 #9: It only has one Fabian panel but OH MY GOD WHAT A PANEL

X-Men ‘92 #10: Includes these wonderful moments/faces!

That time Fabian Cortez just kind of randomly photobomber the Summers-Grey-Xavier family photo Seriously, Charles is basically Scott’s father, and to a degree Jean’s as well, Cassandra Nova is his twin sister, and Cable is the son of Scott and Jean’s clone and then there’s Fabian who has no connection to any of these people who isn’t even on the same SIDE yet has just RUN IN THERE AND INTO THE FUCKING CENTER NO LESS FABIAN

Now let’s go one more, X-Men Forever! I don’t consider it great Fabian content, there’s really no comedy beyond how much Claremont clearly hates this guy, but given his presence in it, I’ll list his appearances and let you decide if it’s something you’d want to have a look at. Like X-Men ‘92, X-Men Forever takes place in an alternate timeline. It branches off right after X-Men #3, when Fabian murdered Magneto. Also like X-Men ‘92, it’s the second series to be called this. The first one is by Fabian Niceiza and there is no Cortez content. The one you want is the X-men Forever written by Chris Claremont and his beautiful, beautiful hate-on for Fabian. X-Men Forever #1: Fabian fights the X-Men. Not anything really noteworthy as funny or scummy or specifically “Fabian” here. Some of them debate killing him once they knock him out, as the X-Men all kinda become especially “fuck this guy” in X-Men Forever towards Fabian even though he’s done MUCH less shit in this universe. Why? Claremont hates him, that’s why. But yeah probably not worth it if you’re looking for a “Fabian being Fabian” fix.  Is worth it is you always wanted his flat ass in khakis though!

Also the Phoenix knocks him on his ass when he manhandles Jean

And he does what he does best!

X-Men Forever #5: A shackled Fabian is dumped into the middle of nowhere into the hands of a mysterious group. Just one page, nothing funny or shitty here, not worth it for what you’re looking for I don’t think. X- Men Forever #19:  We get to see what happened to Fabian! He’s in the clutches of the Consortium, an anti-mutant organization, and he’s a tortured emaciated wreck. I don’t even like seeing him like this, man. I love him getting what he deserves but oh man this is rough. There is one kinda funny bit where, when they discover him, he asks if they came to mock him. I think this is funny just because it speaks to his egocentric mindset even in this state; yes, Fabian, they busted into a super dangerous top-secret facility just to make fun of YOU! X-Men Forever #20: . He can’t even stand up, he has to be carried out of there. He gets shot during his own rescue, but lives (for a bit) through it, long enough to give the X-Men some info about who’s behind this operation. This is not funny Fabian content at all, so you might not want it. X-Men Forever #21: Fabian passed away during the night after his rescue. Claremont is sure to state in the yellow boxes that “Nobody misses him. Nobody mourns.” We do get to see his dead body and Jean does a sort of psychic autopsy in which she extracts further info from his deceased brain. Again, this isn’t funny Fabian content, it’s not even really Fabian content at all, would not recommend. We come back to the fun with “X-Men: The Animated Series” from the 1990s! Fabian appears in “Sanctuary: Part !”, “Sanctuary:Part II”, and “The Fifth Horseman.” All of them are pretty great! And gave us MY FAVORITE SCREENSHOTS OF ALL FLIPPIN’ TIME! xD THE HOLOGRAM HAREM!

[worldsandcenturiesfunposting]

There's a rather popular post (at about 48 thousand notes at the moment) going around Tumblr that in all irony is about how artists shouldn't be upset that their original work isn't getting popular on tumblr, especially in comparison to fan art, and that artists should appreciate every like/reblog/follower rather than going after just reblogs.

The post itself is incredibly poorly made and seems to exist for no other reason than to guilt trip artists for being upset that their hard work leads to nothing. After all, as the great philosopher Luigi once said: “Have you ever experienced a time where no matter how hard you tried, you failed, and the time you spent trying felt wasted?”

But this isn't going to be a point by point refutation of that post. Instead I would much rather just give my thoughts on this whole issue in of itself. Being an artist on Tumblr and not being one of the really popular (or even sort of popular) guys is difficult to say the least because it seems like everything is stacked against you. Only 4 or 5 of the tags you put in will actually be used in the search results, there's  a new algorithm in which people's dashboards will be sorted by popularity rather than chronological posts, and in order to get popular you need to rely on people going out of their way to host your art on their own blogs.

There's a lot Tumblr doesn't make at all clear about that only confuses things more. As shit as that post I mentioned was, it did teach me one big thing. Likes aren't entirely the “thoughts and prayers” button for this horrid natural disaster of a website but actually do influence how soon and often your posts show up in search results. Now a really popular artist would of course get tons more likes and their art would be featured far more as a result, but at least the feature is more than a shittier version of Deviantart's favorites feature.

Suffice to say if you're someone who's looking to get an audience, it's difficult. I think this is a point a lot of people don't understand. They think that people who are upset at all of this are upset that they're not popular, and that's the end of it. No nuance to it. They want to be popular for the sake of being popular.

Why do people post this stuff online? Why post a picture online? Why not keep it on your desktop until the sun burns out? Maybe because being online gives it more longevity and reduces the risk of it being lost if your computer breaks? Sure, but why not post it in your drafts where no one but you is able to see it?

Why do people post stuff online? Because they want other people to see it. So trying to demonize people for being upset over not having their art seen by many people or spread around is silly because one of the biggest points about posting it online is specifically so people can see it. Just like when you make a blog post, you do so because you want people to read it or when you post a video to Youtube, it's because you want people to watch it.

In order for people to see that art, it will need to get exposed to them and the best way to do that is through reblogs which is why so many artists, myself included, get incredibly salty over the subject. When someone reblogs something, ideally that picture would be presented to everyone who follows the reblogger. One person reblogs a picture and 5 or 20 or even 300 people would see the same picture and some of them might like it or reblog it themselves. That very fact that it only takes one person to cause that snowball effect makes the whole situation all the more infuriating.

Now can people's art can also be exposed through the search tags? Sure. After all, if you're starting off on the website and have no prior set ups or accounts to lead people from, that is where you're going to start. But not only are the amount of tags that can be used limited, but depending on what you tag it as, it can be swamped pretty hard. The shitty post said that fan art gets popular and that it's dumb to complain that original art isn't as popular as fan art. However, even completely pandering to the most popular things isn't an assured success. If you post something in a tag for a popular and active fanbase, that runs the risk of your picture barely being seen because of how active those tags would be.

If I post a picture in the Steven Universe tag and I'm only able to get maybe 2 likes on the art, it's not going to be seen on the popular setting which is what most people are going to look at because I don't have enough active followers reblogging or even liking the picture enough for those likes to make a difference with the search results. On the newest setting, it might be completely swamped by dozens of other new pictures (of varying quality) and especially easy to skim over by the much smaller crowd of people who visit that setting.

Is it any wonder why so many artists are desperate for reblogs?

What the artists want varies. Some want to be the biggest most popular artists around and sit among the gods. Me on the other hand, I'm more interested in a smaller but more active/dedicated following and you can't really get that unless you have a ton of people following you since statistically, a large portion of followers in general aren't going to be very active but the more followers you have, the more likely it is that some of them will be.

For example, for the longest time (and what I ultimately gave up on because it simply would not work) I was trying to set something up where people could ask me questions for the webcomic. They'd ask something about some alien species and I'd answer it through a comic. It's something I thought would be good fun and that I'd really enjoy. The amount of people who need to ask questions isn't the hundreds or even dozens. If I got like 3 or 4 questions a month, that would be pretty good for me. How would I ensure I'd get people to partake in that? Only if my art is exposed to people who (whether they knew it or not) would be interested in such a thing. How would that happen? One way is that it gets spread around just enough that it eventually crosses paths with those kinds of people.

There could be a whole niche that's exactly the sort of people an artist's work would appeal to and they might never see that art because it simply never crosses their path.

Another big thing is that everyone has a different standard of success. I know I'm not a big artist on Tumblr. My standard of success is getting 10 notes on a picture. Most of the time I can barely break 5. Take note that on my art account, I have 355 followers. Some might be following tons of people and thus will always miss my art. Some followed me for different reasons than the sort of picture I most recently posted. Some might have logged off of Tumblr, forgotten their password, and their blog is effectively dead. But out of 355, you'd think that I'd manage to get 10 rinky dink notes but no.

When someone popular does reblog my art, it can often break 50 notes which is above and beyond. This tells me that it's not even necessarily the quality of the art but simply a gamble as to if someone would be willing to take that leap and press the reblog button or not. Tumblr, contrary to what some people might think concerning artist popularity, is NOT a meritocracy. It is more luck than Vegas itself.

So contrary to what some might assume, not only is everyone salty about this not demanding the world, but even getting a small success requires art to be spread around as much as possible.

Now obviously no one owes you success or popularity. Some people are only around to browse. Some people's blogs wouldn't be fitting of the sorts of art that I post. And of course there's the fact that they just might not like the particular picture in general. I think if the success to failure ratio was much more even or better, it would be much easer to accept that some pictures are just duds and move on to the next.

But at the end of the day when you put something out there that you worked hard on and think is good and it gets nowhere, it kind of sucks. When the same thing happens over and over again, it is honestly demotivating. The fact you're putting this out online, for among other reasons people to see, it sort of says that what you post isn't good or worth seeing. Of course that's not what goes on in the mind of the people who only like the art or look at it and scroll by, but it is something that gets internalized.

Or maybe it is just me. I'm writing this because I know a lot of people get really salty about this stuff and I want to try and explain it as clear, calmly, and rationally as I can, but a lot of this stuff is also strictly my personal feelings and opinions too.

I think it's also sort of magnified by the fact that popular art becomes popular (or is just spread around a lot) mainly because people go out of their way to reblog it. There's that additional extra personal step to it that isn't quite present on Deviantart or Youtube where it's more based on algorithms. If you can't get popular on Youtube, well that's because Youtube's coding is a shit. You can't get popular on Tumblr, well that's because no one wants to spread your work.

Now for other people and not myself, they try to make a living off of their art. In that case, being dismissive is even worse. Saying “Just appreciate every like/follower you get and be happy with what you post” doesn't work because that doesn't buy food or pay bills. This may be a small population of artists on Tumblr but one of the examples used in that horrid shitpost was someone who's tags in their post was complaining about just that and the person who made the shitpost not only didn't address that, but likely didn't think a thing about it.

If people's art isn't getting spread around where it could meet the eyes of potential buyers, quite simply, they aren't going to be able to sell their art. It's not because their art is bad, it's just that it hasn't been exposed to enough people to really take off. Not everyone selling art has art worth selling but what that person posts gets only a few likes and is seen by relatively no one, that's not exactly a call you can make at the moment.

If there were ways to tell how many people have viewed a post outside of notes numbers, it would be a completely different situation. If 300 people looks at a picture and that picture only gets 2 likes, that would change the situation completely to which the artist could actually confidently say that what they're putting out genuinely doesn't interest people. Unfortunately no such feature exists. Even the stats/activity page is based entirely off of notes.

As I said before, this is a subject that gets a lot of artists salty. You might come across a post by an artist ranting and raving about how little likes help and how you should reblog their work. They may seem like an asshole but really, they're just extremely frustrated with how much things seem to be stacked against them on this website. It's no fun working on things and feeling as if the effort was wasted. They're certainly not self entitled.

If you do follow an art blog, I'd recommend reblogging something they do every so often to help them grow and move forward as an artist. Or if you find someone's art on Tumblr that you really like, reblog that too. The great thing about reblogs on Tumblr is that if you reblog something and then someone reblogs it from you and you delete that reblog, it remains on that other person's blog and exposed to their followers. You never know who will see the picture as a result of your reblogging.

Anyways I think I rambled on enough about this. It's a very touchy subject and difficult to get into words but I think I explained the situation well enough.

Tl'dr: Tumblr just isn't a good website for artists which is ironic because it advertises itself as a platform for creative people and is a place where a lot of artists post their work. Because of its poor design, it's very difficult for new artists or even just small art blogs in general to gain any traction and just leads to frustration.

[drunklander]

Drunj!Der Yells About Outlander

Thoughts on Ep. 310

♫ side-quest ep! side-quest ep! totally worthwhile side-quest ep! ♫

(Being mostly sarcastic there, but ffs I’ve been singing it to the tune of the Spider-Man song since Saturday night and how do I make it stop...)

As a standalone thing, this was an entertaining hour of television. I’m always here to watch Claire go full Beauchamp and be badass. (I am hardcore just leeching on to the parts of this episode that I liked because dammit I’m sick of not liking most things.) As part of the season as a whole though, I have a lot of similar issues as I had last week. Except this time instead of the characters acting like they’d skipped an episode’s worth of development, it’s like why are we spending an episode this close to the end of the season on a side-quest where the only important thing that happens is finding out that Jamie’s two identities have been connected. (Yes, I know that the answer is “the book” but *puts on broken record* it’s an adaptation, they can change things.)

But whatever. I need to just proactively keep my expectations low and just enjoy episodes as individual units because apparently thinking of them as a whole season makes me roll my eyes.

Fergus with his gift for Marsali is adorable. But why does Jamie need to come off like such a dick when he asks Fergus what his business is with the cook? I’d really like to like Jamie again, show. Just sayin’.

For real though, smitten!Fergus is my favorite.

Why does Jamie act surprised that Claire is still on the Porpoise? Like he’d know if she was back on the Artemis. So where else would she be?

Where was all this passion and need to protect Claire when she’d actually been attacked in ep. 307? Because in the aftermath of that he was just a dick and didn’t bother to ask if she was ok. Cool that Jamie only acts like he gives a shit about Claire’s well-being when she’s not there.

Midshipman Fetus standing up for Claire is my everything. And Claire scolding him for licking his finger is also my everything. Basically everything with Claire and Midshipman Fetus is my everything.

Ok but the kid who plays Midshipman Fetus is named Albie and that is the most adorable name for the most adorable kid. And for real, bless the casting wizards because this dude is like a little heart-eyed puppy who follows Claire around like “don’t you dare mess with my mom.” He’s perfect.

For real though, Claire’s face when she’s like owning Mr. Overholt. Like I don’t have time for your shit, rando. Just do what I tell you. #BAMF But then her face when she’s looking over the deck of sick men and is like fuck, I can’t save all of them and is very much aware of the limits of what she can do. Basically 90% of my thoughts while watching this episode were just “omg look at Claire’s face.” I’m *rull* eloquent like that.

*throws awards at said face, just for good measure*

Seriously though. It’s so nice to finally see Claire being like listen up fives, a 10 is talking. Like yaaas queen.

And in things that aren’t shocking, it took her being away from certain dudes and their manpain for her to finally get to Kool Aid Man-style bust through the wall she built around herself and be like I’m Claire Elizabeth Motherfucking Beauchamp and I’m here to save your asses. *aggressively side-eyes a certain producer who keeps claiming that Claire needs to be defined by the men in her life*

“Just because it’s beyond *our* comprehension, Cosworth, doesn’t make it less voracious. We must believe her.” Yaaas, Captain Babyface. Am always here for people who respect Claire’s skill and knowledge.

“There’s more than disease aboard that ship, lad. There are 300 men.” Cool that Jamie understands that *men* are the source of the of sexual violence women face when Claire’s on the Porpoise, but when she was nearly raped all of three episodes ago, he was like meh, screw comforting my wife, I’m just going to tell Claire how everyone will just blame her and then go about my business.

“What good are you, you damn fool? I see I was right to withhold my blessing from you. Proves ye dinna ken what love is.” Ok, yes. Jamie is like freaking the fuck out. But jfc, you can freak the fuck out and not be a complete piece of shit to Fergus. Someone text me when Jamie isn’t a fucking asshole anymore because I’m *rull* over this.

“You would move heaven and earth. You would risk arrest and death. Even hell.” More big dramatic speeches for Jamie because clearly that’s all you need to redeem a character who was a dick for a few episodes but sorry, dude, you can speechify all you want, but your idea is still dumb and eventually your rational thought needs to come back and you need to fucking realize that. Like I get it. He’s desperate. He probably can’t survive losing Claire again. He definitely thinks that’s the case, anyway. But he’s also smart. He and Claire have been alternating rescuing each other for basically the entire series. So like dude. Stop. Take a fucking breath. Think about this for a second. Fergus is fucking right.

Although his face when he says “even hell” is so good because yeah, we all remember the way too unnecessarily graphic Wentworth episodes, dude.

“Until ye risk all, ye canna speak of love.” Nah, bro. That’s not how it works. Not every couple has to go through all the shit you and Claire went through so they can “earn” being able to say they love each other. (I don’t know why Jamie bugs me so much this half of the season that I’m like incapable of just going along with dialogue like this. Because like the show clearly wants me to think it’s all dramatic and romantic and shit. I’m apparently “watching it wrong” or something. Lol, no. Jamie’s just a fucking asshole. *eye roll at the thought that there’s a right or wrong way to watch something*)

Fergus, my dude, if Jamie’s going to say shit like this to you, maybe you should just say fuck his blessing and live your own damn life.

Midshipman Fetus’ face during the burial at sea. Omg I just want to give him a hug.

I love that Claire can’t even be bothered to tell Cosworth to fuck off. Like bro she’s so far out of your league she doesn’t even need to deign to acknowledge your bullshit with a response. Just the arms crossed lean on the rail with her face like broseph I know my value, who the fuck are you. You go, Peggy Carter Claire.

Oh the layers of Claire explaining what compartmentalizing is. Girl, you have a PhD in compartmentalizing...

“Begging your pardon, madam, but after three days of watching you at your work, I do not think much of it will come down to luck.” Midshipman Fetus is officially a member of the Claire Beauchamp Fan Club along with Ned, Fergus, Young Ian and YTC.

I’m over the rabbit shit, tbh. Like they’re trying too hard at this point. But it’s a super sweet gesture by Midshipman Fetus to give Claire the lucky charm his mom gave him.

Here for Claire dropping f-bombs and for Midshipman Fetus to just be like *heart eyes* about it. Right there with you, sir.

“Seamen will drink almost anything.” Same, tbh.

Cosworth is like the *one* antagonist dude in the series who doesn’t threaten Claire with sexual assault. All for there being conflict, but thanks for finally not making the threat of rape part of it, show. No brownie points for you for finally doing something you should have realized ages ago.

Like for real though. The bar is that low that in a crap scene that I’m still like omg but he didn’t try to rape her so they made progress and I should just move on. I don’t know why I bother with you sometimes, show.

Also seriously I keep typing Cogsworth and I’d like to apologize to the clock from Beauty and the Beast for that.

Oh so it’s Marsali helping Fergus in the credits. RIP hopes for a nice Claire and Fergus scene. Haven’t had one except the meeting on the street, have we? Le sigh. Maybe at the wedding? *lowers expectations because why should we have meaningful moments between characters we care about when we can have a whole episode about saving randos*

I really love Marsali. She reminds me a bit of Claire and I’d be so down if Fergus like told Jamie and Claire at some point that that’s part of why he likes her so much. Like not in a creepy way, obvi. *side-eyes some of Roger’s thoughts about Claire from the books* But like that she has the same strength and spirit.

Oh but then of course we get the Artemis’ crew talking about wanting to rape Marsali. Couldn’t make it through one episode, could you, show. Of course you couldn’t. Le sigh.

STOP SAYING MIDSHIPMAN FETUS LOOKS TIRED. HE’S FINE. HE’S TOTALLY OK AND WILL MAKE IT TO JAMAICA AND YOU WILL ADOPT HIM AND TELL JAMIE THAT HE GOT TO BRING HOME FERGUS SO YOU GET TO BRING HOME THIS FETUS CHILD AND EVERYONE WILL LIVE HAPPILY EVER AFTER.

Claire in a bandana, threatening a man with a comically large knife is my aesthetic.

For real though. Claire is just as desperate to save Jamie here as Jamie was to save her. The difference is, Claire takes a fucking minute, thinks about it and is like nope. Killing this dude is not a good idea. Need to think of another plan. Take note, Jamie.

Claire’s face when she says Jamie didn’t kill the minty fresh corpse. [insert Mentos joke here] Although Claire, it’s not your fault. Like she’s clearly thinking omg I did the thing that Jamie might hang for and there’s a sense of guilt there. But Claire. You didn’t kill the guy. You tried to save him. It was Jamie who put him in the cask. It was Jamie’s smuggling that brought the dude to the brothel in the first place. It. Is. Not. Your. Fault.

Since we’re side-questing, because lol why not, I want a whole spinoff about Annekje and her goats shenaniganing their way around the world on ships.

Like her smile though when she’s like “my goats need grass” like she knows she has a good escape plan and the language barrier is not going to put her down. She’s fucking adorable and I heart her.

Fergus is so great in this episode. You’re a better man than Jamie, dude.

The scene when Elias dies kills me. Just Claire giving him that bit of comfort in thinking his mother is there. And her face because she couldn’t save him. And he’s just so young. And guys why is my face wet.

AND SHE GIVES HIM BACK HIS RABBIT FOOT AND WHY DO I HAVE FEELINGS.

Oh man, the shot of just his single body going into the sea is so much more powerful than the shot of the multiple ones from earlier.

Bless for Captain Babyface trying to comfort Claire and give her due credit while recognizing her loss. The Babyfaces on this show, both Lt. and Capt., are so great.

Sort of side-eyeing Claire for not getting what Annekje meant earlier, but whatever. Also why so many VOs in this ep. Stahp. For real though, the way she reassures Claire that she’ll care for the sick when Claire leaves is so good. So like Claire leaves knowing she’s not breaking her oath.

Speaking of oaths...they are pesky little things, aren’t they. For real, I love Capt. Babyface. Like even when he’s a threat to Jamie, and therefore my girl Claire’s happiness, I can’t help but like him.

Oh look. Jamie’s looking at the pictures of Bree. Cool that he thinks of her when he’s by himself but when he’s with Claire all he does is insult Bree, use her to hurt Claire like a certain other doucherocket did and acknowledge that Claire misses her but doesn’t offer any similar sentiments of his own so Claire’s basically feeling like she’s going through missing Bree alone. (A hug is nice, but not the same as a comforting word to Claire about your daughter, dude. Since you have yet to say basically anything nice about Bree that you didn’t then immediately contradict when you were in a pissy mood.)

“What Fergus did, he did for you.” “If you believe that, you dinna deserve to be let out of here.” PREACH, MARSALI. FUCKING PREACH.

I love Marsali so much. I love Fergus so much. I am Fersali trash and I am 1000% ok with that.

For real though, Jamie, I get you were desperate and shit, but you’re also not an idiot. Fucking take a minute and realize that Fergus basically saved your ass from your damn self. The guy is fucking great and you are a fucking asshole. #SorryNotSorry

“You’ll need to prove yourself to her as much as to me.” Jamie. Wtaf is wrong with you. Fergus is a fucking good dude. Marsali is a good woman. They fucking love each other and each fucking know how much the other loves them. There was never any reason why they shouldn’t have gotten your blessing except that you were being a twat. Not that they even need your blessing. It’s a gesture of respect that I’m honestly not sure you’re worthy of at the moment. But wait, I forgot that you’re not a dick anymore apparently and everything’s fine, it’s all forgotten and totally ok now. (For real, I really want to like Jamie again. I’m just...struggling.)

Lol, Jamie calling Fergus “mon fils” is like the equivalent of saying a romantic book line to Claire in that it seems like the show thinks that makes everything he’s done ok.

Ok but for serious. Give Annekje her own show. She’s like so self-assured and like yeah, I totally know that this ridic thing will work because I *actually know shit about the sea*. SHE’S SO COOL AND I WANT TO BE FRIENDS WITH HER.

The JHRC’s always sound so forced. This one is no exception.

And we end on a cliffhanger. Again. Because of course we do.

But whatever. Next week we get tan, sea soaked Claire. Which does things for me. So since I’m basically just here for Claire at this point, bring on jungle shenanigans and here’s hoping the crazy fucking priest is slightly less crazy than he was in the book and they cut a bunch of the random shit when Claire’s at his house... Because fuck it, if I’m drunk enough the ridiculousness is silly enough to justify watching. I guess.

[serpenscapes]

Reasons to love One Piece (and why you should consider giving it a chance):

-        Ridiculously large and colourful cast of characters (currently at 866 named characters) each of whom have incredibly unique designs and stories

-        There is a reason for everything – a character who is a gold-digger has a reason for it, a character with a pinwheel in his hat has a reason for it, a CHARACTER WHO LITERALLY DRESSES LIKE A BABY ALSO HAS A REASON.

-        Oda (the mangaka) has included his own interpretations of many mythical creatures (giants, mermaids, dwarves, Amazons) in the series as well as inventing many of his own species and tribes, so the breadth of races and species in One Piece is boundless.

-        Insanely well-done foreshadowing. Things that happen 200 chapters ago come back and slap you in the face, or you’ll rewatch it and go “OH MY GOD THAT’S WHAT HE MEANT?” Something that happens in the FIRST EPISODE you don’t realise the true meaning or power of until approximately four hundred episodes later, and then you rewatch episode one and your whole world implodes from sheer BRILLIANCE.

-        The moral of the entire series is to follow your ambitions and pursue them no matter the cost, even if it means sailing a whole fucking ocean, and it’s beautifully portrayed and remarkably moving.

-        THE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT - a character who insists he will kill someone if they get in the way of his ambition is later willing to sacrifice himself and his own goals for that same person. A woman is certain that she is a burden to her friends and says they should leave her to die, but later when potentially under threat she says she doesn’t mind, as she knows her friends will protect her.

-        Male-female relationships aren’t fraught with sexuality or romance as they often are in other series—they’re FRIENDS. JUST FRIENDS. There’s a lot of skinship and hugging and spending time together and it’s all perfectly acceptable, with none of the unnecessary *doki doki* or blushing.

-        Oda invents a lot of unique technologies within the universe e.g. instead of regular telephones there are “transponder snails”, as well as cyborgs powered by cola, cards which can track the movement and location of a specific person, coatings that allow a ship to travel underwater and many other things.

-        You will ENVY the amount of confidence and conviction the main characters have – not only in themselves, but in one another.

-        Speaking of envy, the friendship and bonds between the main characters will make you cry your heart out. The genuine and unwavering loyalty they have to one another is unlike anything I have ever seen in any other series, EVER.

-        No, really, there’s a scene where the main characters DECLARE WAR ON THE WORLD GOVERNMENT in order to get back one of their friends. THEY LITERALLY SET A FLAG ON FIRE AND DECLARE WAR ON THE WHOLE WORLD JUST TO GET THEIR FRIEND BACK.

-        Multiple strong, well-developed female characters who suffer incredible hardships and have backstories that do not revolve around males or romantic relationships

-        Passes the Bechdel test

-        No unnecessary romance, and any romance that is present is used entirely for comic effect

-        Emphasis is placed on bonds between family/friends/platonic love

-        Due to the foreshadowing and the great number of iconic scenes as well as the hilarity of some parts, the series has great rewatchability value.

-        DEVIL FRUITS – Magical fruits that give you special powers if you eat them at the cost of you not being able to swim. The powers vary from things as badass as being able to turn into fire or cause earthquakes to shit as dumb as turning into a giraffe or making clothes appear on people.

-        Best-selling manga in history, 4th best-selling of any comic globally ever (behind only Superman, Batman and The Beano).

-        The protagonist (Luffy) is straightforward and driven and doesn’t carry around the heavy emotional burdens and questioning narratives that so many other shounen protagonists do—he does whatever he wants and doesn’t care what others will think of him for it. Luffy is incredibly cheerful, happy-go-lucky and charismatic and this is noted by one of the other characters – he has the ability to make anyone around him into his ally. Despite coming off as an idiot (which he often is) he’s also incredibly intuitive and intelligent in combat and all of this together makes him by far one of the most uniquely appealing protagonists in any shounen manga. It is impossible to dislike him.

-        Clever portrayal of characters—Oda intentionally uses very little kanji when writing Luffy’s dialogue in order to portray how simplistic he is. Similarly, he gives Luffy almost no thought-bubbles because Luffy just says everything he thinks.

-        Luffy has the power of the gomu-gomu fruit which means his whole body is rubber and it works very well because: a) His power isn’t ridiculously strong b) He can get very creative with it which leads to a lot of very fun fight scenes and great chances to take advantage of perspective shots, as well as mess around with proportions and this overall adds a lot to the style of the series

-        Every single character is a certified BADASS. Even the characters who you don’t want to like.

-        Variety of well-written and incredibly unique antagonists, each with their own motivations, powers and backgrounds.

-        When a reader asked Oda if there would be any romance for or between the crew members in One Piece he responded that ‘their only love is adventure’ and I find that completely adorable (and also thank God no romance.)

-        It’s really quite difficult to HATE any of the characters. There are over 800 characters and I can only say I genuinely HATE two of them. Many characters are difficult to hate once you learn their backstories and motivations, or simply because as characters they’re so compelling and charismatic.

-        Ever-expanding and HUGELY creative universe: there’s an island in the sky, an island in the prehistoric ages, an island made of candy, an island on the back of a giant elephant, an island on the ocean floor and many more. The scale is quite literally insane when you realise that Oda has invented an entire WORLD from scratch and is making the characters traverse the whole thing.

-        Raises immensely important questions regarding morality, good and evil, politics and the governmental system, monarchy, revolution and rebellion, class, gender, race, corruption etc.

-        The government and marines in One Piece present themselves as a force of justice, but then there are marines known for being corrupt, but then there also some marines who are good?!?!? MORAL DILEMMA?!?!

-        The pirates in the world of One Piece are viewed by the government as scumbags, but then some pirates are good?!?! But then some pirates are complete assholes?!?!?! FURTHER MORAL DILEMMA?!?!?

-        You want to hate a character for doing something but then are they just doing their job?!?! But is their job motivated by the right things?!?! But are they allowed to question this?!?! SO MANY MORAL DILEMMAS?!?!

-        Seriously all the moral ambiguity adds so much to the depth of One Piece.

-        Even Luffy specifically says he is not a hero, doesn’t want to be a hero, and while he admires heroes he himself is not a hero because he’s too selfish.

-        CONSPIRACY THEORIES - The government have destroyed all knowledge of a century in history which is referred to as “The Void Century” and part of the intrigue of One Piece is to find out WHAT HAPPENED AND WHY DID THE GOVERNMENT WANT TO DESTROY ALL TRACES AND WHAT ARE THEY HIDING?!?!

-        There are so many crossing over storylines which then come back later i.e. a character from early in the series is waiting for a group of people, approximately 300 episodes later we MEET WHO THEY ARE WAITING FOR.

-        Cartoonish art style allows for HUGELY expressive characters, dynamic action scenes and a massive variety of (often insane) character designs.

-        It’s hilarious – the guy who is (arguably) the most badass in the series has such a shit sense of direction he gets lost on a straight path. There’s a reindeer on the crew who gets referred to by another member as “emergency food supply.” Another crew member constantly assumes that the other members have died or been eaten. One guy constantly gets “I-can’t-go-on-this-island” disease. When Luffy meets a new species the first thing he asks is “Do you poop?”

-        It will make you cry over: a whale, a ship, a hat, a dog, a bento. No, seriously.

-        You will cry over a lot of other things too

-        (If you watch the anime) it has the most breath-taking soundtrack and the seiyuu all do an incredible job of voicing their characters. All of the opening songs are also TRULY karaoke-worthy.

-        (If you read the manga) Oda uses the chapter covers to tell side-stories about other minor characters or villains, as well as taking drawing requests from readers. The double-page colourspreads and the volume covers are also gorgeous. His Q&As at the end of each chapter are also hilarious because he is a sarcastic fuck.

-        Oda confirmed in said Q&A that Luffy’s dick stretches. Later in the story there’s a scene where a group of women who’ve never seen a man before are pulling at Luffy’s dick (while he’s unconscious) thinking it’s a mushroom that’s grown on him and saying “why is this stretching.” I’m not kidding. I’M NOT EVEN KIDDING.

-        Despite the individual “arcs” and their unique storylines there is a single overarching goal throughout the series—to find One Piece, a narrative that has lasted over 20 years and is still going strong. Said single narrative allows for an attachment to the series because you REALLY want to see the end goal when they finally reach it; a lot of other series lack this level of scope.

-        Each of the main characters have their own ambitions and goals and are driven to achieve these throughout the series, often by a heart-wrenching and tear-inducing backstory (all of which are depicted extremely well.)

-        The arcs vary so wildly in their storylines and settings that the intrigue and fun never stops; you’re guaranteed to find one you like – examples: there’s an arc where they have to stop a civil war, an arc based on overthrowing a fake God, a prison-break arc, multiple arcs where they aim to rescue a friend/family member, a huge war and an actual HALLOWEEN ARC WITH ZOMBIES AND SHADOW MONSTERS AND A HAUNTED HOUSE (so good.)

-        There are SO MANY QUESTIONS AND SO MANY THINGS WE STILL NEED TO KNOW and the fact that Oda has run the series for 20 years and still managed to keep up such a high level of intrigue and creativity is genuinely amazing

-        There’s an undead skeleton with an afro who wears a top-hat, plays the violin (+ other instruments) and has a cane-sword, was also temporarily a rock star and makes terrible skeleton-based puns/jokes. There’s also a tiny reindeer who can transform because he ate the human-human devil fruit. Also he’s a doctor and gets embarrassed and swears at people when they complement him. Both of these characters are amazing and have back stories that will make you cry your eyes out. And they’re just TWO of the characters.

-        The series is my go-to when I need cheering up because the characters are so well-developed that they are easy to sympathise with/develop an attachment towards, the adventures they go on are a good mixture of fun, painful/well-constructed, the determination they have to achieve their goals is incredibly motivational and above all, the dedication the characters have to each other is heartbreakingly genuine.

-        In conclusion: One Piece is completely stunning