#why do i create these complex characters then do nothing with them? 😩

[ludi-ling]

Reading HoC for the first time, I wanted to ask you how difficult it was to write the emotional/romantic part of Gambit and why did you make him so uncommunicative with Rogue in that aspect and even cold and unfair; because although he shows that he cares about her, he also treats her like an object that only he can use… (just curious not a criticism)

Hi! That's a really great question, with a really complex answer I'll hope I can do justice to!

HoC Gambit was never on the side of the angels - he originally joined the X-Men solely to betray them, so he's always been a shady, amoral asshole who got by on turning off his conscience. He never had his redemption arc before the shit hit the fan and the military attacked the mansion and killed most of the X-Men - although I like to think he eventually would've had one. Rogue would've been the catalyst to that redemption, and ultimately she ends up being so after a lot of heartache (and post-apocalyptic shenanigans).

But by the time they meet again, he's had to do terrible things to survive. He's become colder and more switched off, a person who has nothing left to live for apart from the work he does and the vices that are his lifeline in the time in between. Rogue tears him away from that, and I think he's afraid of the instability she brings into his life. She makes him care about things other than himself, and he has difficulty adjusting to that, because it complicates his life, and challenges him to deal with emotions he's so assiduously switched himself off from. He fears she'll derail his professional life, but also his emotional one. He survived by not caring, because deep down he's a man who feels a LOT, and if he opens those floodgates, he fears it'll overwhelm him, and he'll no longer be able to maintain that finely tuned balance that keeps him afloat.

Did I find it hard to write? Not really. I love writing BAMF Remy, and I love writing his emotional conflict. I guess us writers really do enjoy torturing our characters. 😁

I hope that makes sense! And I just want to say thanks so much for reading and enjoying my stories - it means so much! ❤

EDIT: I just wanted to add to this because you said something about Gambit treating her as an object only he can use, and I totally ignored that. I don't know if you'll see this now, but I'm going to add it anyway because I think it's important. Sorry! 😩

I think Gambit treats her in this way because it's part of his compartmentalisation process. He feels like he has to do that to survive, because she destabilises his professional life so much. So he cordones her off to this one tiny area of his life where he can indulge a little bit, have a little bit of salve for the crap he has to do. But because of that he also psychologically (and emotionally) has to distance himself from her so that he doesn't get attached to her and end up upsetting the equilibrium he's created in his life. So inevitably he ends up objectifying in some way. 'She's that slice of my life, and I won't let her cross over into the rest of it'. The thing is, he can't help himself and allows himself to let her bleed into his other life (because, like, he truly loves her). He allows himself to feel jealous of her precisely because he's objectified her, put her up on this pedestal as someone who is his balm, his solace, someone he's inadvertently allowed to become so emotionally important in his life. He's selfish and an ass about it partly because that's how he is, but also because, I think, he's afraid of losing control of his life, and he doesn't know how to handle loving her without keeping her at arm's length.

I think it's interesting to see how, later in the trilogy, that objectification begins to break down, but because of circumstances he's forced to switch himself off from her again against his will.

Remy's a mess. Ngl. But I LOVE writing complicated, morally grey characters. 😅