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#why do i have to read this and how am i supposed to take it seriously if he says things like this (not gonna quote but ew)
iiotic · 2 days
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TWO WRONGS, DONT MAKE IT RIGHT, AFTERALL
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summary: your relationship with wanderer is complicated, friends? friends with benefits? partners? enemies? definitely not the last one, yet you don't know the answer to that question.
tw: modern au, female reader, swearing, suggestive, ooc wanderer?? sexual topics, wanderer is taller than you, not proff read, lowercase intended, poorly written, cringe, if you'll find more please tell me!! MDNI | wc: 1.4k
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"what are we?" the question hovers your mind hundreds and thousands times already, yet none of you two are brave enough to ask about it. pheraps in wanderers case its his pride?
instead, you just keep everything.. flowing. one time, he'll be as sweet as sugar and the next day he's as cold as ice. it's not the first time you bumped into him him with another woman and its not the first time he caught you flirting with another man.
one day, you're sitting in a cafe across the street from the university. you took a deep breath, scrolling through the social media mindlessly with your head in the clouds as you were lost in your thoughts. until a tall male took a seat infront of you.
a very known tall male with his signature dark blue hair and violet eyes, wearing a black shirt with some sweatpants for today.
"hello there" he greeted you, teasingly.
you looked up at him from your phone, an unpleasant expression formed on your face as you remembered the events that accured last night. as you were coming back from the local library you found him and some random chick making out in an alley way.
you obviously didn't care, why would you? its not any of your business who he fucks. you grumbled a greeting before looking back at your phone again, hoping that he can leave as soon as possible.
he gave you a subtle smile, while scanning your face. you were so lost in your thoughts, staring at your phone, that he was able to take a good look at you without disturbance.
"what's up with that face?" he asked, leaning his back on the chair.
"what's up with you."
his stupid signature smirk formed on his lips. you know him as well as he did with you. he knows your mood. he knows the possibility of whats bugging you inside, and him seeing you frown and pout like this, clearly means something is irritating you. however he decided not to push it.
"nothing much. just thought i'd stop by here." he responded casually. "and see you."
"why don't you stop by somewhere else where your woman is."
"i dont have a woman." he almost chuckled at your sassy remarks. "though, i do have a date in 30 minutes." he answered bluntly, giving you a glance before focusing his attention on the waitress.
he didn't look like he was going on a date, more like going to dig trash to find something to eat, but then not finding anything and starving to death.
"even better, how many woman have you seen this month.." you said, it was clearly a rhetorical question. you opened your mouth to say something but a waitress cut you off.
"may i take your order?" you looked at wanderer who seemed deep in thoughts before starting ordering a bunch of things. he stopped and then the waitress turned to you, you quickly dismissed her saying that you don't want anything. she looked confused at first as she thought you guys were on a date but walked away not questioning anything anyway.
"i thought you were going on a date in 30 minutes, why are you ordering so much, hell, why are you ordering anything at all?" you questioned him, clearly irritated by his doing and his presence here.
"i am." he answered bluntly, once again. not adding anything not even looking at you anymore.
the awkward silence accured, nor you nor wanderer saying anything to break it. 15 minutes passed and the food was put on your table, that you booked for yourself tonight, that you were supposed to enjoy alone.
"say, are you jealous that im going on a date?" he said finally breaking the silence, yet at the same time offending you.
"excuse me? i feel bad for all of the hearts that you've broken, these poor woman.." you said defending yourself and feeling pity for all of the females he hooked up with then just leave them feeling worthless, you glared at him as he started laughing, clearly not taking you seriously.
"please, they all know better that im not exactly into commitment. they know im not worth breaking their hearts. they just want to enjoy the ride, one night and nothing more."
"well, have fun with your new date." you said standing up and heading to the door. you heard enough from him, you had enough of him. you didn't care about him nor his sex life, then why did your eyes watered as you waddled to the exit?
"dont be so cold like that, im hurt!" he yelled, chuckling. that were the last words you heard from him before leaving the building.
why did the truth hurt? why did you care? why were you crying right now? your making messed up as you waited for your taxi to your apartment. yet deep down you knew that you're just as bad as he is, just as terrible as his actions; you thought as you rode the taxi driver, desperately needing a stress reliever.
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the morning after yesterdays incident of bumping into eachother, you found yourself in bed with another man. was it the taxi driver? you thought, before leading him to the front door in only his boxers. the answer was positive. you kicked him iut of the house, before seeing that there's a package in front of your front door that he almost stepped on.
quickly picking it up and closing the door behind you, ignoring the taxis driver screams. you walked into your kitchen, looking for the scissors to open it. the package was medium size, not too small yet big enough to fit a cat.
you slowly, precisely opened the package not knowing whats inside. it didn't have a label on it, it could've been a bomb but you were met with a small box with a muffin from the cafe you were at yesterday, it was your favourite in fact and an small piece of paper that had something written on it.
"read your messages"
thats it? nothing more? just read your messages? you pulled out your phone to find 8 unread messages from kuni, 7 of the first ones were deleted, the latest one saying "sorry ig"
it was so stupid. then why did you caught yourself smiling at the sight? maybe you'll forgive him or maybe you've already forgave him.
if you were so mad at him then why did you talk with him the entire evening?
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© 2024 iiotic. — do not steal, translate or repost any of my content onto any other platform
this is so cringe, might delete it later
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elysiaheaven · 1 day
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𝐖𝐡𝐨 𝐝𝐨 𝐈 𝐥𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫..?-𝟐𝟗-(The Fox's Wedding)
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TW: There's a medical report about the wounds/mental state for y/n, it's slightly..Don't read it if you're uncomfy about the last two chapters of her wounds.
Feixiao strides over to you, her face lighting up with rare joy. "The Warhead has been defeated and slain. The Wolftroopers are no longer a threat, completely overwhelmed by the Cloud Knights." Her excitement is contagious, and for a moment, you find yourself smiling despite the weight on your shoulders.
Moze called her, Apparently
Moze rush into the place, and they bear Jiaoqiu's limp form between them. Feixiao’s smile falters as she notices Jiaoqiu at death's door. Her voice cracks slightly, but she looks at you with a glimmer of hope. "They found Jiaoqiu. He’s… he’s alive, but barely."
You try to hold on to that sliver of hope, but suddenly, a sharp pain erupts in your neck. Your smile fades as you cry out, clutching at your throat. Panic grips you, and through the haze of agony, you manage to rasp, “I… I can’t live…”
Feixiao rushes to you, alarmed. “What’s happening? What do you mean?”
With shaking hands, you manage to get out, “Moze… Ask him… Ask him if Jiaoqiu can see anything.”
Feixiao’s eyes widen, but she quickly sends a message to Moze. Time seems to stretch on endlessly before a reply comes through.
She reads it aloud, her voice heavy. “Moze tried… but Jiaoqiu kept whispering… he can’t see.”
Your heart sinks into your stomach, and you grip your head in frustration, tears spilling down your face. “No… no, this can’t be happening…”
Suddenly, a wild idea bursts into your mind. Desperation pushes you to your knees in front of Feixiao. “Feixiao, you have to kill me!”
Feixiao takes a step back, shock and sorrow flashing in her eyes. “What are you saying?!”
You look up at her, your tear-streaked face filled with raw pain. “My soul… it can heal someone. That’s why Jiaoqiu kept dealing with me. He was trying to save me, but… now he needs to be saved. If I die, my soul could heal him. If not, he’ll stay blind.”
Feixiao’s hand shakes, and for a moment, you think she might consider it. But instead, she takes a deep breath and then slaps you, the sharp sting of her palm snapping you out of your spiraling thoughts. "How can you say that?" Her voice trembles with both anger and compassion. "Jiaoqiu cares about you more than you realize. How could you think of dying without even asking him? You are not some cure, some sacrifice to be thrown away. You are worth more than your past and your pain!"
You clutch your stinging cheek, shocked into silence as Feixiao continues. “Stop dooming yourself. Your past was sad, I know, but that doesn’t mean you have to keep letting it control your future. Do you think Jiaoqiu would want this for you? Do you think he saved you just for you to throw your life away like this?”
Tears pour down your face as you cry out in confusion and pain, your voice breaking. "I don’t even know what I am anymore! What kind of creature am I supposed to be? I want to live, but I want to be useful!" The words spill out in a desperate torrent, torn between your need to be needed and the crushing weight of your self-doubt.
Feixiao’s face twists with a mix of sympathy and frustration, and without warning, she slaps you again, harder this time. "Stop this!" Her voice is sharp, commanding. "You want to die, but have you even spoken to Jiaoqiu? Do you know what he wants before you decide to leave him alone like this? How can you make a choice like that without asking him first?!"
Your body shakes from the slap, but before you can respond, Yunli and Yanqing rush into the room. Yunli, wide-eyed with panic, immediately bursts into tears, her small hands gripping your bloodstained kimono as she sobs. "Don’t die! Don’t leave us! Uncle Jiao will be so sad if you go!"
Yanqing kneels next to you, his young face full of worry, but he remains steady as he speaks. " you’re hurt. Please, you need to see a doctor."
You try to push them away, your voice cracking as you scream, "No! Don’t look at me! I’m broken!" Your tears blur your vision, and your voice is choked with grief. "I don’t deserve your kindness. I’m a mess!"
But despite your protests, Yunli throws her arms around you, refusing to let go. "We don’t care! ! Please, you can’t go like this. You need help. You need to heal."
Yanqing nods in agreement, his grip on your hand firm but gentle. "We’ll get you to a doctor. Your wounds… they’re too much to bear alone."
Their warmth, their unwavering love, breaks down the walls you've tried so hard to keep up. You sob even harder, collapsing into their embrace, your body trembling with the force of your anguish. In that moment, their arms around you are the only thing keeping you from falling apart completely.
Feixiao watches the scene unfold, her expression softening as she steps forward. "You're not alone, Y/N. Don’t make decisions you can’t take back without knowing how much you mean to the people who love you. You have helped...a lot..." She kneels down beside you, placing a hand on your shoulder. "We’ll get through this. Together."
Kindness.
It does feel like that..
it felt...
It felt like you didn't worth it.....
Your consciousness slipped away, everything became a blur. Faint images flickered in your mind—a blur of faces, soft voices, and the sterile smell of a medical room. You saw glimpses of Jiaoqiu, lying in a bed beside yours, his body covered in bandages, his face peaceful but pale. The small dragon lady, Bailu, moved around, her tiny hands glowing with healing light. You felt her magic working on you, mending the delicate stitches on your neck, the place where your head had once been reattached. But the rest of your body was weak, fragile, barely holding on.
Jiaoqiu's report arrived fast, Yours was a bit late.
The report came in the form of a thick stack of papers, detailing every brutal reality of your physical and mental condition. Feixiao sat with it for hours, her eyes tracing over the words, her heart sinking with every line. The medical description of your body was enough to send shivers down her spine, but she read it through, refusing to look away from the horror of it.
"Patient: Y/N L/N" Status: Severely Weakened
The first section was the hardest to read. Your body, once resilient and powerful, was now described as "extremely weak in strength." There were "multiple cuts," deep gashes, and bruises, but it was the description of your beheading that struck Feixiao the hardest. "The neck wound, where the head was severed, is slowly healing itself… but the process is delayed, likely due to the patient’s extreme physical and mental exhaustion."
Wounds:
Severe lacerations across the torso and limbs, consistent with multiple slashes from sharp objects.
Beheading wound, poorly healed and still prone to reopening under stress.
Feet: multiple strain wounds, cuts, and punctures, possibly from stepping on something sharp. "Walking is strongly advised against for several months."
Deep lacerations across the arms, as though the patient had been held down violently, struggling against restraints.
Feixiao paused, her fingers gripping the paper tighter. "Restrained…?" she whispered under her breath, horrified at the idea of you being forced down, helpless.
The report continued, detailing the internal damage.
Internal Condition:
Organs: Extensive internal strain. Multiple signs of poison consumption over time. "The patient has ingested various poisons, which are slowly destroying internal tissues. Fortunately, due to their non-human nature, full destruction has not occurred, but their transition to becoming human is accelerating the damage."
Severe dehydration and malnutrition. The patient cannot consume savory foods or most sweets due to their body's extreme sensitivity, leading to involuntary twitching, convulsions, and pain.
The report detailed how your body reacted violently to food. Anything spicy, savory, or overly sweet triggered uncontrollable spasms and vomiting. Your stomach was fragile, torn apart from within by the poisons you had consumed. The mention of it made Feixiao’s chest tighten—how long had you been poisoning yourself? Why?
But worse than all of this was your mental state:
Mental Condition:
"The patient’s mind is in a critical state. We advise keeping the patient away from any reflective surfaces, especially mirrors. The patient should also be kept far from any sharp objects or weapons."
Extreme psychological trauma. Frequent dissociation from reality. Paranoid tendencies.
Self-hatred manifests in compulsive behaviors. Unpredictable outbursts of emotion, alternating between hysteria and deep melancholy.
Feixiao stared at this section for a long time, feeling a knot form in her throat. You were broken, physically and mentally shattered. You had been slipping away from yourself, from reality. She felt her heart break at the thought of you, wandering alone, not knowing if you even wanted to live.
A final note from Bailu, written in hurried handwriting, stood out:
"This person, condition is...hard to say. But there is a hope if her in-human things could cure her faster, I advice she should be in constant company."
Feixiao set the report down, her hands trembling. She couldn’t imagine the pain you were in, both in your body and your mind. You were losing yourself, trapped between life and death, between the human and the spirit world.
Feixiao sighed, resting her head in her hands....
.........
She shouldn't have slapped you, she thought......
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nuppu-nuppu · 1 year
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Ignore if you don’t want to read about me being stupid once again
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qcomicsy · 4 months
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Lately I've only been wishing to grab a comic about my favorite character and just have a genuinely good time reading it.
#I can't remember the last time I took a Deadpool comic and genuinely had a good time about it#I hate the direction they took with his character and it's so disrespectful that I don't even talk about I don't even think *any* Deadpool#fan genuinely talk about it because were so tired of his kids characterization we all just collectively decided to ignore whatever hell#marvel through at him#but rant aside#it's just–#I am not sure if comic books are fun anymore I don't even know who I am making content for half of the people on my notes haven't touched#comic book and aren't pretending to do so#people who read the comics tend to be so mean or bitter about it that even if you follow most will be angry about something#comic or fan related and I don't know if I can blame them but following that is draining#and as much as I was trying to be a good sport about it you make a post about comic book characters and#and the overwhelming response is 'I don't read the comics but'– following up by a take about them that doesn't even recognize any core#aspect of their personality that you can't even grasp you can't even recognize them#you can't recognize them on tue cannon you can't recognize them on the fannon#and no matter how engaging you try to make content about the fandom people just–*refuse* to read it. And then– they *refuse* to tag fannon#content as fannon#and *refuse* to leave either#Yes we are all having fun but how can a character tag be so so filled with people who have no idea of who they are#how can a character can be properly loved and take care of and have content that respect them if no one makes any attempt to *know them*#and it's disheartening because *comics* are supposed to be fun *fannon are supposed to be fun*#but for aome reason it's really *really* hard to have fun here anymore#I created this page to share my love for the characters I care about and see more content of people who care about them too#but I can't even *find* people who care about them any more and when I do they're all so angry and upset– And I *cant even blame them*#I just... I don't know why I am doing this anymore or for who I am doing this anymore#sorry to vent but it's been a while since I haven't been had a genuinely good time™ enjoying comics#I don't think even people who write those comics enjoy those comics or care about those characters#Sometimes feels like everyone is projecting on those characters rather than *writing about them*. And I can't find them anymore#fanfics used to be about love petters to characters who you love#nowadays seems like a competition to see who makes more funny words with tropes pre-written since 2007#vent
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seventh-district · 4 months
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not even gonna tag this properly bc i don't wanna get Involved but i do have some Thoughts i need to get out into the void so here we go
(aaa quick edit: CW for mention/discussion of Boothill leaks)
#today's gone Badly and i'm upset but instead of venting abt it i'm gonna channel that energy into doing a bit of tag rambling abt Boothill#well. less abt Him and more abt uh. self-analyzing my anxiety surrounding contributing to fandoms. he's just today's catalyst#like. i know it's mostly a me thing. i'm hypersensitive to criticism and very conflict avoidant + socially anxious + perfectionistic etc.#so I'm the one that keeps myself from posting more stuff out of fear of being criticized or called-out for what i've made#bc inevitably Someone's gonna see it and think its OOC or a problematic take or they'll misread my intent. etc etc what have you#but like. that's inevitable. there's no way to communicate every single thing with all of the nuance required to avoid misunderstandings#and other times it's not a misunderstanding it's just a difference of opinions and that's Fine!! there's no accounting for personal taste#there's no accounting for several things actually. taste‚ bias‚ lore-knowledge‚ differing levels of chronic-online-ness‚ etc#so this isn't me complaining abt the state of fandom culture (although i do think. sometimes. ppl take shit a bit too seriously)#but anyways all of this is mostly just anxiety-fueled. it's not like i very often actually even receive negative feedback or anything#if anything ppl tend to tell me that i'm overthinking it and killing my own fun and worried that my stuff is more OOC than it is#which like. yeah. Yeah u right :) but that's just the way that i am! always losing the idgaf war i suppose#anyways what's Boothill got to do w this ur wondering. well. i've been thinking abt the quickly emerging concept that he's illiterate.#and it just. has me feeling a lot of ways. and watching ppl disagree over it has me feeling some Bad ways. bc it's def a loaded topic!#if you'll pardon the pun there. and i don't rlly have anything new to add other than that i'm conflicted abt it.#like yeah i saw the leaks days ago. of him mentioning 'not hitting the books' much as a child when we ask him why he sends voice messages#or voice Transcriptions ig. ykwim. and like. *braces for impact* ...i liked it? like. it doesn't feel right to call it endearing#i'm not trying to infantilize him. ok that's not the right word either but ugh. you know? what i mean?? who am i kidding even i don't know#it's not quite right to say that it feels like Representation either. but it's something close i guess#as a southern person myself who didn't receive a 'complete' education due to factors that weren't to do with my intelligence#the concept of seeing him as a capable force to be reckoned with and respected who also happens to have not received much formal education#i like that. i do. but there's so many issues w it at the same time. like. as i said‚ being southern myself has me Wary of the way Hoyo is-#writing him. as well as of the way that the fandom is taking the bits of his lore and running away w them. and i'm Very aware of how ppl-#will see a southern character and be All Too Eager to agree that they're lacking intelligence based on our Redneck™ stereotype#sigh. and before we even go too far with this. it's not even confirmed that hes completely illiterate. which is a valid criticism i've seen#there's Multiple reasons that could make him prefer voice to text. but regardless. i'm just worried that ppl will misconstrue my intentions#like. example: that edit i made the other day of him saying 'no thanks i can't read'. wasn't me playing into the stereotype of-#'haha dumb country boy can't read!' it was. in my eyes. something he'd say as a joke to make light of a potential insecurity#like. i think there's far more depth to Boothill's character if ppl could look past the surface. and i dont wanna contribute to the problem#but sometimes ppl Will have stereotypical traits and i wish the same could apply to characters as long as it's done Thoughtfully.
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lovsome · 9 months
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am i so hard to care about?
#i need to vent and i know u guys cant stand me because i can feel it (and certainly from the anon hate) but i think im gonna have an ulcer#if i dont put this out somewhere#SH s*icide tw !!!!!#i need some advice or opinions because i feel like im losing it#i dont understand why my friends cant care about me#i know !!! i know i seem out of touch and insane because i say this so often and the question to someone reading would come natural: maybe#it is just ur perception…. maybe u suck ass as a friend too#and i do ponder about that!!!!!! i take those possibilities into consideration i do. and i genuinely dont think i suck as a friend. i always#check in. if they seem off i ask how they feel. i ask updates on their stuff. i dont think i deserve this tbh#but especially when i am struggling they just disappear#like even when i reach out and let them know im doing bad. they clearly read my measages and choose to ignore them#these are supposed to be my best friends#these days ive been so bad. and trigger warning again#i just feel so suicidal and i have been hurting myself in the desperate attempt to cope and manage these thoughts#and i dont tell them these things#i dont share the details because 1) it is too much to dump on someone and 2) they dont show any interest even on the surface level of my#problems so i just wouldnt tell them the deeper issues#i am just in so much pain. and i also feel a lot of anger because of their behavior. i feel so so hurt by it. so many years of this going on#of them just not even acknowledging my struggles while i was in the midst of them and trying still to support them and be there for e#whatever they had going on. and getting nothing in return#i hate that i feel so angry but i do. and ive been swallowing this anger and pain for so long i feel it eating my insides#even my therapist doesnt understand why i am friends with people that dont care about me#i dont know what i should do#i want to say something#actually i already talked about this to one of them one year ago exactly and i told her all these things and she just said she didnt know#why i was ignored. and then still kept being a part of it#the thing is i am so upset and my mental health is so so so bad. i am supposed to spend new years eve with them in two days but i dont know#how i can do that feeling like this#but if i speak to them about it i think it will also ruin the mood#if someone has any thoughts or advice it would be very welcome….
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jinstronaut · 6 months
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this is also why i stopped using my tracked tag for a while tbh
#and i might do it again bc its just#a reminder that no one rly cares abt what i do / who i am etc#which might sound over dramatic idk how else to describe it tho its just hollow#it feels very much like a Chore and a Task and if i dont reblog things fast enough from my tag#people get very angry and/or upset with me even tho theres just#so much content and i have 0 time so everything gets queued no matter what#like this whole experience feels like a chore lmao#and it never ever used to#but now theres so much animosity if i dont behave / interact with things Properly#or whatever the make believe rules are idk#this dash can just be so negative like have we all truly descended into madness during this hiatus#bc like i get it ive been up and down and all around too but ive never been straight up MEAN to anyone in this community#and i never want to either so this entire situation thats been bubbling for months just feels like shit#bc what the fuck changed and how do we get back to where we were#i never ever ever ever felt this way before like idk the middle of last year#but ever since like last fall its just been idk. Bad#once again im sorry if ive ever done anything to upset anyone but my silence / absence doesnt mean i dont care#ive just been Incredibly busy due to some real life changes that are out of my control#i might not have energy to answer everything but i do Read everything and it does make me smile#and i save messages that are kind in my heart so i can be reminded of the root of what this blog is supposed to be#a space for something im very passionate about and previously had nowhere else to express said passion#so like idk if we all like the same things why does this weird feeling of competition linger over us lmao#why do all ccs have to fight???? each other???? when we all love and do the same things????#i have nothing against anyone personally but what i Do take issue with is the way that ive been doing this since 2021 and im fully just#ignored and shoved aside by so many people for reasons i fully dont know or understand#so yeah idk this is a novel i just woke up from a spontaneous nap bc im so exhausted i can only stay awake for 3 hours at a time#but yeah anyways idk !#be nice its so easy !#tbd
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bunnihearted · 6 months
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🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
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davishater · 9 months
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Guys, I am so sorry.... This post might just break Tumblr.... If you see my post and your Tumblr breaks, I apologize IMMENSELY! I have just written a Winter Moriarty X Reader that is 5,284 words..... Please forgive me..... 🙏 At the end, there is a part where Winter and the reader watch TV. I got that idea from @kawasemy I hope that I have been able to feed my fellow, starving, Winter simps. Again, please forgive me for everything and read the tags for more humor. Also, masterlist link in the beginning, cause it's too long to scroll....
Masterlist
Winter shoves her pale hands into her pockets and watches the sky, as the heavens shed their tears on the city of London. She was never fond of the constant rainy weather, but it's where she's lived her entire life, so all she can do is accept the gloomy weather. At least, it was gloomy until she met a certain someone.
Winter exits the store she's in and runs towards a canopy in the park across the street. She watches her only friend jump in the puddles on the basketball court the rain created. Her laughter reaching Winter's cold ears, even from that distance.
"Y/n!"
Winter calls out to her friend and she waves with a bright smile on her face. Winter weakly waves back, but quickly returns her hand to her warmer pockets.
Y/n moved here for school, from a dry climate in America. They met in a cafe, when the clumsy girl tripped and dropped her books and computer on Winter, also spilling her coffee on her in the process. The coffee had also gotten all over Y/n's computer. Winter felt bad for what happened, and even though she doesn't make it a habit to help everyone who crosses her path, she offered to fix the girls computer. Y/n's outgoing personality had pushed the unwanted friendship onto her, but after sometime, Winter couldn't bother to avoid the strange girl. She finally accepted the friendship; the first one she's had since her younger sister died.
Winter calls out to her friend again and she comes running. She stands underneath the canopy with Winter and laughs from all the fun she was having.
"You've been out here forever, aren't you done?"
Winter slightly shivers as she shoves her hands deeper into her pockets.
"What? You're such a party pooper! Why don't you come join me? You'll have more fun."
Y/n pulls on Winter's arm.
"Hard pass. You know I'm not a fan of the rain."
"And yet, you're out here with me."
Winter goes quiet at her comment and looks back out at the rain. She then speaks up to divert from the topic.
"I can't believe you forgot your umbrella."
"Well, I didn't think it was going to rain." She replies.
"Y/n, it's London. It always rains here."
"Well, it's been sprinkling lately, so I didn't think it'd come down this hard..."
"Never trust the weather here." Winter advises.
She turns back to Y/n, wipes some wet hair off of her face and brushes it behind her ear.
"Did they look at your motorcycle?" Y/n asks, brushing the rest of her hair back with her fingers.
"Yeah, just some minor issues. I can pick it up tomorrow afternoon."
"That's good, it wasn't as bad as we thought."
Winter nods and shivers again.
"If we don't dry you off, you'll catch a cold." Winter says a little concerned.
"Nah, I'm sure I'll be fine!"
"What?" Winter smirks. "Cause 'idiots don't catch colds?'"
"What!? No!"
Y/n huffs and dramatically folds her arms across her chest. Winter chuckles at how naturally expressive she is. She's been surrounded for so long by people hiding their true feelings, it's refreshing seeing someone that's so easy to read.
"It's not that funny..." Y/n continues pouting.
Winter ignores her and grabs the back of her shoulders, pushing her towards the main road.
"Come on, let's get you something warm to drink."
Winter and Y/n walk alongside the sidewalk towards the cafe that's nearby. A truck drives by and Winter tries to shield Y/n from the large splash from the truck running over the puddle, but it drenched Winter and still got on Y/n.
"Oh my gosh, Winter! Are you ok?"
Winter sputters to try and get the muddy taste out of her mouth, but fails, and wipes the excess water from off her face with her hand.
"I'm fine. What about you?"
"I'm good, but most of the water got on you! Uhg, you're more soaked than I am! Man, what a jerk!" Y/n shouts, sounding annoyed.
Winter looks at her a little questioningly.
"It happens. Come on, let's head inside."
"Are they even gonna let us inside with how wet you are?"
"Yeah. It's normal to see people drenched walking into places to get dried off from the rain."
"I see."
The girls walk into the cafe and a hostess immediately runs up to them with two towels.
"I saw what happened through the window. Are you two alright?"
"Yeah." Winter replies, plainly.
She takes the towels and places one on her shoulders and the other on Y/n's head.
"Could we use your restroom to clean ourselves up?" Y/n asked the hostess.
"Of course! Follow me."
They followed the hostess to the restrooms meant for paying customers and unlocked the door for the drenched girls. They walk inside and Winter starts rubbing the towel over Y/n's head. She swats Winter's hand away and dries off her own hair.
"I'm fine, just take care of yourself."
Winter takes a step back and stares at Y/n out of the corner of her eye. She then goes to the sink and starts washing her mouth out from the dirt taste she had since earlier. Winter wipes her mouth on the towel around her shoulders and then slowly puts it over her head and starts drying off her hair. She glances at her friend again and sees the small pout on her face.
"Are you upset with me?" Winter asks quietly.
"What? Of course not! Why would you think that?"
"You're not you're usual happy self..."
"Oh... No, I'm upset with that truck driver... There's no way he didn't see us or the puddle! He should've slowed down! Driving through puddles like that can ruin your car and it gets people wet! It was so unnecessary and if I could, I'd definitely yell at him about it! I swear, some people are just so inconsiderate!"
"He really got you that upset?"
Winter looks a little surprised.
"Of course! Now there's a possibility of you getting sick! Oh, I swear, if you do, I'm going to hunt him down and give him a piece of my mind!"
Winter accidentally lets a chuckle escape her lips and she's shocked from her own reaction.
"What? I'm serious you know!"
"I know."
"Then why'd you laugh?"
"Well... I don't know myself... I guess, it's cause I'm seeing a new side of you. I don't think I've ever seen you get mad before. I almost thought you weren't capable of that kind of emotion."
"Huh? Well of course I get mad! That's a normal human reaction, so I wouldn't be a normal human otherwise."
"Oh, my bad! I didn't realize you were capable of being normal." Winter mocked.
"What? Hey! I can be normal!"
"I'd bet my life you can't be normal about anything."
"Now that's just mean!"
Y/n pouts and Winter chuckles again. She stares at Winter's face and sees black streaks running down her cheeks from her eyes.
"Oh dear, your makeup is running."
She grabs some toilet paper and wipes off the black streaks from Winter's cheeks. Winter stares into her eyes as she does so.
"I could've done that, you know."
"And I could've handled getting drenched, so we're even now."
Winter looks away and continues rubbing the towel over her head. She then frantically pulls out her wallet and phone from her pockets. The few bills and business cards she had in her wallet were far from saving and just made the wallet look like a mess. She puts her wallet on the sink and then tries turning on her phone, but it refuses to respond. Winter cusses underneath her breath.
"That bad?" Y/n asks.
"Well, I can't contact anyone, which isn't that big a deal, but I don't have access to money either."
"Oh... Yeah that's pretty bad."
"How's your phone?"
"Well, let's see."
She pulls out her phone, which has a heavy duty case on it, and tries turning it on.
"Oh yay! My phone works!"
"I bet the case is what saved it."
Y/n chuckles, a little embarrassed.
"Yeah, I tend to drop my phone often... I guess my clumsy nature helped us a little there?"
Winter smirks and shakes her head.
"Well we at least still have access to my money, if there's anything we need." Y/n says, hopeful.
"No, save your money. Use that for your school needs."
"But I want to help out, too."
"You don't have to worry about that."
"Ok, then have you figured out how we're going to get back to my apartment without using money? We came kinda far and it's too far to walk in the rain without an umbrella."
Winter goes silent and looks away. She takes off her leather jacket and hoodie and tosses them to the floor. She then starts pulling on her t-shirt that's sticking to her body and rings out some of the water. Y/n sighs and looks around the bathroom. She then grabs Winter's hand and leads her to the hand dryer.
"Come on, we can at least dry you off a little, while we come up with a plan."
Y/n turns on the hand dryer and it blows in Winter's face. She closes her eyes and winces from the sudden intensity. Winter takes the towel from off her head and shakes her head as the warm wind blows her hair dry. She then lifts up her shirt a little, showing her stomach and waist. Winter looks up and notices Y/n staring.
"Is there a problem?" Winter asks.
"Oh... No, it's nothing."
Y/n turns her head away and Winter notices her cheeks are slightly pinker than before. Winter pulls her friend closer to her as she looks surprised from the sudden notion.
"Dry yourself off with the hand dryer, too. I don't want you getting sick, either."
Y/n complies and starts to try and dry her clothes while they're still on. The feeling of her clothes slowly drying on her made them feel icky. She scrunches her nose from the feeling and feels awkward drying herself off with a small hand dryer and Winter standing closely next to her. She knows it was her idea, but didn't realize how awkward, or embarrassing, this situation would be. Lifting your arm up to dry your armpit, while someone you care about is standing so close to you, isn't the ideal situation...
"This isn't working. We'd be able to dry our clothes better if we took them off." Winter suggested, sounding a little annoyed.
She starts lifting her shirt even higher to take it off, but Y/n stops her.
"Wait, wait, wait!"
"What?"
"Well... I uh- I'm not exactly comfortable with that..."
"Oh..."
Winter put her shirt down, then picks both her jackets off the floor and starts ringing out the water in the sink.
"So? What should we do now?" Y/n asks.
"Well, this little hand dryer isn't going to be enough to dry us off. We're going to have to change into different clothes in order to get warmer."
"Well then, at least let me buy us some warm drinks as we come up with a plan."
Winter sighs and gives into the girls protests.
"Fine, but that's it! Nothing else."
"Deal."
Winter collects her things and they leave the bathroom and sit at one of the small tables next to the window. A waitress comes over and takes their orders. Y/n stares out the window as they sit in silence until their drinks come.
Once the waitress gives them their drinks, Y/n thanks her and drinks from her cup. Winter immediately puts her hands on her cup and keeps them there. Every so often, she sips from the mug.
"I swear, how does someone not bring an umbrella along when it's raining?" Winter mocks a second time.
"Hey! You don't have one, either!"
Winter sighs.
"Ok, that's fair."
"There's a hotel across the street there."
Y/n points out the building and Winter follows the direction she's pointing in.
"Why would we go to a hotel?"
"Well, we can shower, and they have a washing machine, and we can stay there until the weather lightens up. The forecast also says tomorrow won't have as much rain as today."
"And who's money are we going to use to stay there?"
Y/n goes silent and pouts again.
"I told you, you need to save your money for school. I'm sure the fees take up the majority of your allowance anyways."
"You don't know that." She says, still pouting.
"Ok, then how much do you usually have left after you've paid the fees?"
Y/n blows a bubble in her cheeks and pouts more.
"That's... None of your business."
"Which means it's not much."
She whines and turns her attention outside again as Winter shakes her head. After sometime, her friend starts chuckling.
"What's so funny?"
"No, sorry. I just realized, it's kind of like we're on a date and you're the guy who wants to pay for everything just to make a good impression."
Winter becomes flustered and rests her chin on her hand to hide her embarrassment and slightly pink cheeks. She looks out the window as she speaks quietly.
"O-oh, uh... Does it?"
Y/n sees through Winter's failed composure and continues chuckling.
"I'm sorry, maybe that was too much for me to say."
"No, you did nothing wrong."
Winter puts both her hands back on her cup and stares out the window, watching the rain fall as Y/n looks at her. She then turns her attention outside as well. After some time, Winter speaks up.
"If you let me pay you back, I'll let you use your money to at least pay for a taxi."
"Yes!"
Y/n's face brightens up.
"Let me use your phone to call a taxi." Winter says, putting her hand out.
"Why can't you use your phone?"
Winter's shoulders fall and she frowns at her friend.
"Oh right, I forgot."
Y/n pulls out her phone and gives it to Winter as she rolls her eyes and shakes her head, as she dials the number to order a taxi. After a few minutes of Winter talking on the phone and growing more annoyed, she scoffs and hangs up the phone.
"They're all gonna be busy for a while."
"Well should we wait until one is available? Or take the trains or bus?"
"Rather not be in a crowded place if I don't have to."
Winter replied, with her fist pushing into her cheek, and the way she spoke sounded silly. Y/n giggled and Winter paid her no mind.
"I remember you don't like crowds. If only your motorcycle could be ready in a few hours."
"We can't do anything about that. Why don't we just start walking? There's a small store around the corner from here. We can buy an umbrella there and dry off at your place."
"If you're ok with that."
"There's nothing else we can do and it won't be good if either of us get sick. Gotta do what we gotta do to get dried off as quickly as possible."
"Yeah, you got a point."
The two girls finish their drinks and Y/n goes up to the counter and pays. Winter holds both of her jackets and waits by the entrance. They walk out together and quickly head to the general store around the corner. Y/n grabs one umbrella, pays for it and then heads back to Winter, who's again waiting by the entrance.
"Give it to me."
Y/n gives the umbrella to Winter as they walk outside. She opens it up and holds it over both of their heads as they start walking towards her friends house.
"Why don't you let me walk on the outside of the road this time?"
"No, you stay on that side." Winter says, bluntly.
"But what if a car comes by and splashes you again?"
"I'm more aware of my surroundings, so I can move us out of the way faster if that happens."
"What about earlier? You didn't move out of the way then."
Winter sighs.
"I shielded you, didn't I?"
Y/n goes quiet and looks down at her feet as she walks. Winter notices her silence and mentally scolds herself for not being good at relaying exactly what she wants to say.
"Besides, I'd be more comfortable if I was the one next to the road." Winter continues.
"Alright fine. Guess I can't really say anything if that's the reason."
Winter pats her head and they continue walking down the street towards Y/n's apartment.
"What if you let me hold the umbrella?" Y/n ask after a minute of silence.
"No, I'll hold the umbrella."
"Well, I want to help with something, too."
"You've done enough."
Y/n huffs while Winter stares at her and sighs.
"You really want to do something more?"
"Obviously..."
"Here."
Winter hands her jackets over to her sulking friend.
"This helps me."
Y/n smiles a goofy grin and giggles contently as she holds Winter's jackets close to her. Winter looks away and scratches her cheek. Y/n looks up at her and swears she saw a light pink color dust Winter's cheeks, but it was too dark outside for her to tell. They walk in silence for a few minutes.
"So, what do you want to do once we get back to my place?" Y/n asks.
"I just want to get warm, I don't care about anything else."
Y/n hums in response.
"Are you gonna stay the night then?"
"No." Winter replies, furrowing her brow at her friend.
"How come?"
"I'm not going to intrude on you."
"But you won't be! Besides, how are you going to get home without your motorcycle?"
"I'll manage."
"What if I force you to stay?"
"Well, then I wouldn't have a choice now, would I?"
A wide grin is placed on Y/n's face and she hugs Winter's arm as they walk.
"Then I guess that's what I'm going to have to do! I'm forcing you to stay over!"
Y/n giggles with excitement and starts skipping.
"You're that happy to force me to stay over?"
"Of course! It means we get to hangout longer!"
Winter stares at Y/n.
"You're weird."
Y/n giggles again.
Winter looks out at the street, watches the cars drive by and the people traveling to their destinations. She sees the many different expressions and judges their thoughts accordingly. Some enjoy the rain, some aren't fond of the weather and some just accepts this as a part of their life. Winter remembers that she doesn't like the rain, but finds she doesn't mind the gloomy weather at this moment. She feels a shiver come on, but the feeling immediately goes away, and her body starts to warm up without the need to shiver.
She listens to her friend hum the chorus over and over from a popular song in London right now. It's a song Winter isn't fond of, but she finds herself fighting the urge to hum along to the stupid song. She hears splashing at her feet, along with the pitter patter of rain echoing all around her, and looks down. Y/n has continued to jump in each puddle they come across again today, but Winter pays her no mind. Her friend grips her arm, for support, as she jumps in ever puddle. Winter doesn't mind it when the water splashes up onto her shoes, or even the bottom of her pants. In fact, she finds it more comical, than anything.
"If you keep skipping like that, you're going to slip and fall."
"No I won't, cause you'll catch me!"
"Will I?"
"Mh hm!"
Winter stays silent and after a few seconds, she starts moving her body weight downwards. Y/n doesn't notice until she jumps in another puddle and her grip on Winter's arm becomes unstable, from her change in posture, causing her to slip. Y/n shrieks and Winter holds her up with her arm to keep her from falling to the ground. She smacks Winter's shoulder annoyed as she spots a small smile creep up on Winter's lips.
"You did that on purpose!" Y/n yells annoyed.
"Maybe that'll teach you to be more careful." Winter says, chuckling.
"You're so mean, betraying my trust like that!"
"Well, I never told you to trust me."
"I know, but I wanted to trust you."
"I don't know why."
"Well, obviously cause you're such a good person... Somewhere."
Winter chuckles again at the "somewhere" part.
Winter stops walking and pulls her friend back, before she walks out from underneath the umbrella.
"Where are you going?" Winter asks.
"Huh? What do you mean? Aren't we going to my apartment?"
"Yeah, it's right here."
"What?"
Y/n turns her head and sees they're standing right next to her apartment building.
"Oh, yeah, you're right! Wow, I thought we would have to walk further."
"Well, we have been walking for a while." Winter replied.
"Have we? I never noticed. I guess I was having so much fun with you, time had gone by much faster. Do you ever get that?"
Winter hesitates to speak, but decided to just say what's on her mind.
"Yeah. I wasn't expecting the walk to go by that quickly, either. I almost walked past your apartment building, too."
"You and I are just so silly, huh?" Y/n giggles.
"No, being with you just lowers my IQ."
"What!? You can't say that! That's so mean!"
Y/n hits Winter's shoulder again. She chuckles as she watches her friends reaction.
"Come on, let's head inside and dry off. I'm so done with being cold and wet."
"Ok, let's go!"
Y/n holds onto Winter's arm again and they walk to the front entrance. When they get to the door, Winter closes the umbrella and continues to walk up to her friends small apartment. When the girls walk in the entryway, Y/n shuts the door behind them. They both sigh loudly, in unison, and then look at each other chuckling.
"Why don't you take a shower first?" Y/n suggests.
"I can't do that. You go take the first one."
"I don't have the energy to argue with you. Give me your clothes to wash and hop in the shower, right now." Y/n says sternly.
"O-ok." Winter says a little surprised.
She starts lifting her shirt up and Y/n stares at the curves in her sides and back. Winter's pale skin, how curvy she is, the placement of her veins and the thickness of her spine, Y/n takes a mental note of all of it. She even becomes jealous of the few droplets of water sliding down her back and disappearing in the fabric of her jeans. She wishes her fingers could feel Winter's skin, just like the rain that soaked her today.
Y/n realizes she's staring and the kind of thoughts she's having, so she immediately covers her eyes with her hands. She hears the sounds of Winter stripping down and the wet fabric pulling away from her skin. Y/n feels a tap on her arm, and while keeping her eyes closed, she holds out her arms and Winter lays her clothes over her arms.
"I'll get you a towel and a change of clothes as soon as I start the laundry." Y/n says.
"K."
She hears Winter's bare feet walk across the floor towards the bathroom. When Y/n hears the door shut, she opens her eyes and sighs. She then goes to her laundry room, shoves Winter's clothes into the washing machine and strips down to put her own clothes in as well. After starting the machine, she grabs two towels and wraps herself in one. She goes to her kitchen and fills her kettle with water and puts it on the stove. Then, goes to her room and grabs some comfy clothes for Winter before knocking on the bathroom door.
"Winter, I'm coming in!"
"That's fine."
Y/n walks in the bathroom.
"I'm putting a towel and some clean clothes here on the counter. I'm also boiling some water, so you can come and make a hot drink for yourself while I shower."
"Alright."
"Is there anything else you need?"
"I'm probably fine. I'm almost done in here."
"Ok, I'll give you privacy, then."
Y/n leaves the bathroom and starts collecting clothes for her to change into once she's finished with her shower. She sits on her bed as she waits for Winter to finish up. Winter exits the bathroom and heads towards the kitchen with a towel wrapped around her shoulders and Y/n goes in the bathroom to shower.
When Y/n gets out of the bathroom, she's dressed in comfy clothes and heads towards the kitchen and living room area. She spots the back of Winter's head, tilted slightly to the side. She makes herself some tea and heads to the couch.
As she comes around the corner, she starts laughing. She spots Winter, curled up on the far end of the couch, mouth slightly a gaped, bowl of cereal in her hands resting in between her knees and chest, and one of Y/n's thin blankets wrapped around her legs. Winter breathes in deeply and sits up straight, rubbing her eyes. She starts to continue eating.
"Did you fall asleep?" Y/n asks, still laughing.
She's never had the opportunity to see Winter in such a vulnerable state.
"No... At least... Not completely..." Winter says quietly.
Y/n sets her cup down on the coffee table and takes the damp towel from around Winter's shoulders and puts it in the laundry. She comes back and relaxes on the opposite side of the couch.
"Did you want to sleep?"
"No, I'm fine."
"You sure? I don't mind if you do. We had a long day, after all."
Winter takes a few bites of her cereal before answering.
"Maybe."
She finishes up her cereal and then puts the bowl on the coffee table in front of her. She motions Y/n to move closer to her. Instead, Y/n picks up the bowl and takes it to the sink. Winter starts to untangle herself from the blanket to try and get up.
"That's not what I meant for you to do. I was going to take care of it later."
"I know, just stay there. Now you don't have to worry about it later."
Winter leans back on the couch when she sees Y/n coming back.
"Where's your phone?" Y/n asks.
Winter pulls out her phone, that had fallen in-between her and the couch cushion, and shows it to Y/n. She dramatically snatches it from Winter's grasp and Winter looks surprised as she watches her friend walk back to the kitchen.
"What are you-"
Y/n pulls out a bowl and a bag of rice. She then takes Winter's phone out of its case and places it in a bowl. She pours the rice over the phone, making sure it's completely surrounded by rice.
"And now we wait."
"Are you performing some kind of voodoo over there?"
"Um... No? Putting your phone in rice can actually get the water out and fix your phone. At least, it's supposed to do that. Doesn't always work, though."
"You don't have to do that. I can always get a new phone."
"But then you'll lose the silly messages I've sent you! I know if it was me, I'd be sad if that happened. This way, we can say we did all we could to fix your phone."
Y/n goes back over to the couch, picks up her and Winter's cup of tea, which was also on the coffee table, and brings the two cups with her as she sits next to Winter. She gives Winter her cup and Winter moved the blanket so it's covering Y/n as well.
"You don't have to do things for me. I'm capable of doing them myself." Winter says, a little irritated.
"Oh, don't be like that. You always help me out, so I wanna help you, too. Besides, if I didn't try to help fix your phone, I'd feel somewhat responsible that it broke."
Winter purses her lips together and then takes a sip of her tea.
"Thanks." She says quietly.
Y/n smiles wide. Winter then picks up the TV remote next to her and tosses it into Y/n's lap.
"Why don't you turn on that show you like?"
Y/n thinks for a bit.
"The baking one?"
"Yeah."
"Well, why don't we watch what you want to watch?"
"Cause I don't care. Just turn it on."
"Ok, ok." Y/n chuckles.
She turns on the TV and starts playing The Great British Bake Off.
"These people are so stupid."
Y/n laughs at Winter's comment.
"That's why I like it."
"Oh, that's right, they're your people."
Y/n looks at Winter confused.
"But I'm American?"
"No, it's cause you're not the smartest person."
"Wha-! You are so mean to me, and for what?"
"Are you saying you're smarter than these people?"
"Obviously."
Winter looks at Y/n questioningly and sips from her mug.
"You think these people are smart enough to stick a wet phone in rice to fix it?"
Winter starts laughing as she sips from her mug and almost chokes on her tea.
"Please, do not die on me, I would literally cry."
"You don't want a crime scene here?"
"No! I do not!"
Winter giggles and buries her forehead into Y/n's shoulder.
"What in the world is wrong with you?" Y/n laughs.
"I don't know. I never stay awake when I'm this tired!"
"Then sleep! I literally do not mind!"
"No."
Winter starts giggling again.
"Oh my gosh."
Y/n shakes her head.
"Uhg! Why am I like this!?" Winter leans her head back and whines.
"I like this side of you. It's fun watching you act in a way you usually don't."
Winter buries her face into Y/n's lap and groans. Y/n giggles and runs her fingers through Winter's hair.
"That's nice."
"You like it when I run my fingers through your hair?"
"Mmh."
Winter reaches over and puts her cup on the coffee table and then points at it.
"Stay."
Winter then rolls over and points up at Y/n as she giggles.
"Ok, I'll make sure the cup stays." Y/n says as if she's talking to a child.
Winter's arm falls onto Y/n's lap, next to her head and then positions her legs so they're hanging over the side of the couch. Y/n fixes the blanket so it covers Winter and continues playing with her hair.
Winter stares into Y/n's face curiously.
"It's a shame that you don't know how pretty you are..."
Y/n immediately stops playing with Winter's hair and feels her cheeks heat up. She watches as Winter starts to relax down and her eyes fight to stay open. Y/n recomposes herself and turns off the TV, then continues to play with Winter's hair to help her fall asleep. Her breathing slows and her finger wraps around the hem of Y/n's shirt. She smiles and watches Winter for a while, before she starts falling asleep herself. One hand entangled in Winter's hair, other hand resting on the cup at her side. She couldn't have asked for a better day.
Later, Winter wakes up and crouches on the bathroom floor, cursing herself for acting the way she did before she fell asleep. She decided to pretend as if she never acted all 'cute' like that and swears to force herself to never act that way again for as long as she lives. She'll never speak a word of that moment to anyone and hopes Y/n will forget all about it. Although, Y/n will probably only want to talk about that one moment as soon as she wakes up....
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suncaptor · 5 months
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there's something specifically inside my head that is closing up that makes trusting anything so hard. i have to manually keep my mind open to the potential of anything being significant. i am so used to things being bad and things hurting and things not working and being powerless that it takes an exorbitant amount of mental energy to make sure I don't let myself shut down possibility. and I do it because I never want a certainty inside of me besides love to rule anything. but I want my brain elastic again. i want it open like breathing. it doesn't erase the unfairness or the critique or any of the bitter-built philosophy.
#it's so hard to describe what I mean. i think it's the combo of the like. specific part of my brain's development + the amount of trauma#I have endured + the degree of which that has been taking place on a backdrop of the world being incredibly injust no matter what I do#this is very very silly but the extent of how much this impacts me was made clear by how like. closed off I was to even liking an album by#my favourite singer. like obviously I am obsessively keeping myself open I would never let my preconceived sense of doom and stubbornness#control my willingness to let things in#but it shouldn't be so hard to keep my mind open to things like... liking my favourite musician of most of my life's music...........#and that's a VERY silly example but that's why it's easier to talk about. it takes so much work to be open enough for things like therapy#or religion because they've damaged me so much#how am i supposed to handle this on a backdrop of constant constant helplessness in the face of living insecurity and illness and trauma?#the problem is if you try so so so hard again and again and remain hopeful regardless of how illogical that hope is#but you get let down so constantly since you're never stop trying ever even when systems fail you again and again#and you're watching horrible things happen and everything that shapes you is horror#then regardless of how much you try it's so hard to let yourself let go of the very realistic lived experience of doubt and critique#and I DO. do NOT get me wrong. I am obsessive and refuse to be my own problem#but the act of doing so shouldn't be like this. it's in everything i do. from simple things like listening to new music to even the mere#possibility of a future#i am very worried this one is going to be misinterpreted bc I AM NOT saying I'm stubborn in the face of systems that have repeatedly failed#me. I AM NOT. I am saying to not be shouldn't take this work when it envelops the rest of my life.#if anyone reads this far please please acknowledge the degree of which I almost pathologically try again and again when I can guarantee#nearly everyone wouldn't and still fight to keep myself open to hope because that's just something in me that is like that. but BEING like#that is. repeatedly putting yourself in situations where you are powerless already and helpless to get better and then are hurt more and#there's no way to escape it's just the repeated nature of it and then trying to not be the issue.#it's the problem in itself.#my ambition SHOULD be smarter.#god I'll go into this when I fully understand it another time. i don't think i have this phrased in a way to make all the dots of what i#mean correlate in the significant ways to anyone but me#but hey i guess i'm expecting anyone to read this in a light to misperceive me in the first place instead of accept maybe I'm not explainin#well or giving me the benefit of the doubt. see.#delete
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orcelito · 10 months
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Read the most depressing trauma dumping letter Ever sent to me from my mother and then went right into the manager meeting where I had to get it thrown in my face AGAINNNN that I'm a fuckup who's doing nothing right, as if Saturday wasn't one of the most humiliating days of my life
I need to fucking scream. I need to fucking break things. But it's nearly 10 pm and I can't do Shit because if I throw shit in my apartment I'll scare my cats and I don't want to break my shit and I can't leave my apartment because it's fucking 10 pm and that's Dangerous but I need to release this energy somehow because I. Am. So. Fucking. Fed UP with life. It feels like no one sees how much I'm trying, it's always always always always my fuckups. Always always always. And meanwhile I've been slipping in a major way and I'm trying so hard to keep myself on track but I am
Needing to calm down. Before I start thinking drastic things.
I'm just so. Fucking. Frustrated.
I'm trying. Does anyone see that I'm trying? Can anyone fucking tell me they see I'm trying?
Of course not. We have to remind me that I'm a fuckup who's awful at their job. Of course :)
#speculation nation#negative/#i feel like.im going to explode#Dont Mind Me i just had to get the words out#skimming over the letter thing with this one just bc i dont think i want to talk about that actually#i just really shouldn't have read that before the meeting.#but whatever. too late now.#i need to either curl up in a ball never to see the light of day again#or go on a screaming rampage to break Everything in my path and release all of the energy all at once.#maybe then id feel okay#but probably not.#im. just going to keep trying my best. but holy fucking shit i feel so severely under appreciated#i know i havent been doing my best in some areas but im trying to fix them#im taking the criticism into consideration and working hard to fix my behavior#and several of the things are largely me not knowing the exact perfect thing to do in the current transition#i got chewed out for so much on Saturday and one thing was the way i sent the list#which was how the prior manager had me do it. how the fuck was i supposed to know he wanted it differently?#i did it the way he wanted it today. working hard like the pathetic little dog i am.#arf arf look at me do my tricks. why arent you praising me? this is what you wanted isnt it?#oh we still have to talk about the things you already humiliated me for? no recognition for all the things ive been trying to do?#only ever the fuckups? only ever the fuckups! only ever the fucking fuckuos.#maybe itll get better. i hope itll get better. ill try my best to make it better.#but if it doesnt get better and it's always only my fuckups all the time always then why the fuck should i stay here#part of why ive stayed here for so long is the comfort of familiarity. but right now i dread going to work for more than just working.#i dread being exposed to this atmosphere. it feels like a place of comfort and familiarity has turned into a place of ridicule.#i already prostrated myself. i already took a ton of tip points away from myself for what were honest mistakes.#what more do you fucking Want from me?#shall i strip myself bare and flog myself to show im truly repentant? would that be enough?#of course not. it never is.#devalued and humiliated. i never want to step foot in that store again. but i need money. and so i shall go. i guess.
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castdowns · 9 months
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catastrxblues · 9 months
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good morning it is now 4 am and i have just finished watching atonement good night
#atonement#next tags are just going to be personal rants ignore that#i couldn’t sleep at all so i tried reading s&b and then fanfics and then the bell jar but it just didn’t hit#so then i tried writing but i just kept crying so i thought i’d watch a romance movie because yes#should’ve gone for four weddings and a funeral or pride and prejudice because what the hell is this#i didn’t know anything about this movie i just remember having it on my watchlist and saw ONE clip so i picked that help#and yes i ended up crying and the tears are still here but i’m also starting to think that that’s not entirely because of the movie at all#i stripped my bed off its sheets because the bright color annoyed me and it was already peeling off anyway and i was too lazy to put it rig#and when i pulled back from the screen after the movie finished and just look at how bare my bed is and how i’m in the middle of them#i just started crying again#and my legs are aching and i hate myself and i think i want to take a shower but maybe i’ll wait later on#i don’t think i’ll sleep at all honestly i’m not sleepy anymore#besides i’m thinking of going outside today just at the park i don’t know doing something#i always sleep really really late lately because my parents are out of country right now and no one is keeping me checked and i apparently#still can’t take care of myself. cried about that too it was something. why am the eldest daughter i’m so not fit for it#and then i always wake up at like 9 am and it’s already too late by then that i just never do anything productive#and it’s like i’ve been living in a simulation and i’m kinda going crazy and insane but it’s okay because today is going to be better#i hope because i’m not getting any sleep and i can finally go outside at 7 in the morning instead when it’s already way too hot#damn this is supposed to be one of the best years of my life??????? fuck off#also i can hear the azan subuh from the mosque by the neighborhood and i miss praying honestly#it’s so funny because i was happy to get my period because that meant i wouldn’t have to wake up so very early on in the morning#but i miss it now#hopefully my period will end soon#nadirants
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etchedstars · 10 months
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hi i just wanted to drop a ss of the comments i wrote on my notion page for captured ghosts because im about to reread and i think this fic deserves all the recognition in the world it slays so hard and you should know the absolute anxiety and simultaneous joy you caused me!!!
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HI OH MY GOD ?!?!??!?!? thank you asufaudsf this is so so nice the joy THIS brought me?????????? immeasurable ty <3333
(ps theres a lot of thoughts in the tags w captured ghosts spoilers for those who may or may have not read my will byers gets haunted multichaptered fic!!)
#if youre thinking hmm i should read captured ghosts!! dont take it from me take it from tumblr user romainlettusdinnerparty :)#okokok so !!! authors thoughts#one of the biggest problems i have with media and especially in fics is when characters just have. the worlds most perfect inner dialogue#which clearly. bc they are fifteen years old. they will not be perfect they wont think coherent thoughts#human emotions are messy and indecipherable and ESP w the st characters someone who has gone thru as much as will has. hes gonna be angry !#i do my best to walk the line between good writing and realistic writing LMAO so im glad that came across :)))#ok abt joyce. this was less of a 'i think this is how joyce would be' and rlly just me being annoyed w my own mother tbh#i also wasnt a huge fan of her when i first wrote cg bc i thought she was way too paranoid over will and not caring much abt jonathan#so that is why shes Like that. im gonna be real i dont think id change it if i rewrote but i also dont think i wrote her fairly#and finally !!! im very sorry i lied about the rewrite. its not gonna happen bc i am so so swamped and i have nothing and i wrote it last y#but for the record will was supposed to be in the same sort of coma max was in and they were supposed to find each other and will#was going to promise max hed find her way out and then boom he was going to wake up there was going to be some jealousy w lucas and mike an#he makes it out alive max makes it out alive vecna doesnt fully leave etc etc. the end#anyways if youve read this far thank u and thank you for leaving this ask and this comment :))))) i havent gotten anything abt my fics in a#while tbh so knowing that like . They Still Exist and people still like them means so so much to me :')))) ok bye this was super long#overdue gets some asks#captured ghosts#happy chemical
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mymp3 · 2 years
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hi! its a delight to see that you have been enjoying minat + ryoj (and p3 in general), your tags and art just capture the essence of what makes them enjoyable...! anyways. did you know that the p3 mangaka previously made a ryomina doujin? cant send links but if u google "ryomina sogabe" u should be able to find it! have a nice day o/
FUCKING WHAT?
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draconicace · 8 months
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harry wanted to be a poet and kim's got a skill that is likened to the process of writing poetry. i am going to go rattle my bones off into the ocean.
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