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religionsinyourlips-archive · 7 years

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apologies for being so cheesy/obnoxious, but I wanna put this out there.

okay, so I know she (being @taylorswift) will most likely never see this because I’m a small account that hasn’t doesn’t have any friends on here and hasn’t been around for long (my old Taylor account is 4 years old and I haven’t been able to sign into it for about 2 years, RIP), but I just wanted to share this after thinking long and hard about my life so far.

this is really long and I apologize, but I hope it’s worth reading. if not, I apologize.

also, trigger warnings for those who get triggered by mention of self harm, eating disorders, and suicide attempts.

my 21st birthday is a week from tomorrow and I realized while walking my dog earlier this evening that Taylor and her music have been in and such a big part of my life for 11 crazy years. like, I know quite a few of y’all are older than me, but I don’t think I ever really thought about how much of an impact she’s made on me and how I’ve acted about certain situations until now. I know I’m not anything special because so many people have gone through worse things than I have, but I just wanted to share my story. maybe it might help someone, I don’t know.

we’re gonna go through by how each record has impacted my life and helped me through certain shit.

HERE WE GO, Y’ALL.

anyways, Taylor’s music has almost constantly been in my life since Tim McGraw was released as a single. I heard that for the first time in 5th grade because my best friend at the time was (and still is) obsessed with country music. now, I know Taylor’s not really considered country anymore, but we’ve all heard the debut album, so we know why my best friend at the time (Emily) was obsessed with it. anyways, I wasn’t quite smart enough to truly appreciate Tim McGraw (I was literally nine years old) like I do now, so I just kinda listened to it and lived my life as best as I could.

things started to change, however, when Teardrops on My Guitar came out. that came out at the beginning of my 6th grade year and as soon as I heard it on the radio, I was hooked. like, 1500000% obsessed. I had this cheap flip phone at the time (yeah, I know, a ten-year old with a phone) and I used it to record that song whenever it came on the radio. since iPods weren’t super popular with the kiddos back then, I listened to it on literal repeat on my phone’s memos when I wasn’t at school or in church or sleeping. I was literally so obsessed. I didn’t really realize until now, but Teardrops on My Guitar really helped me get through this heartbreaking failed crush I had between 5th and 6th grade, so thanks for that Taylor. ANYWAYS. as her other singles from her debut album came out and were played on the radio (Our Song, Picture to Burn, Should’ve Said No), I became more and more obsessed. that was mainly because I didn’t have many true friends and was bullied quite a bit all throughout grade school, so I felt like someone who didn’t even know me by name was there for support.

again, ANYWAYS. after being content with being a Taylor Swift fan through that debut era, I moved from where I was born and raised (southwestern Illinois) to Missouri (the Kansas City area/the western side of the state) because of my dad’s job. I went from having a couple good friends and not feeling like I had to try too hard to fit in to having no friends and wanting so badly to fit in. well, in doing so, I went into that trademark emo phase and the friends I made at that time made me think Taylor Swift made the worst music ever. that didn’t last long, though, because my choir teacher in 7th grade had us sing Love Story right after Fearless was released, so I was back to being hooked. but this time around, I had to keep quiet in order to maintain my not super great but I thought it was better than what I had in Illinois reputation (LOL I’m sorry, I had to).some of hiding that part of my life (the happy part of my life) got me so down and upset that I started self harming. it was bad. like, really bad. I managed to keep it a secret, though. anyways. the debut album and Fearless helped me through some tough times in seventh grade, including my cat of my whole entire life at that point dying, starting to discover my sexual orientation, and my parents not living together for four or five months.

we’re doing this again, but ANYWAYS (it’s obnoxious, I know). after being in Kansas City for about eight months, my dad broke the news to us that we were moving across the state of Kansas and halfway through the state of Colorado. I was absolutely heartbroken because I had to start that process all over again and knew it was going to be hard on me. I don’t know why, but Fifteen, Fearless, and Change got me through a lot of that when I moved here. anyways. by the time I moved here and got settled, Speak Now had come out (that was the end of the first half of 8th grade). I was still kind of in my emo phase, but people were a lot nicer about Taylor Swift here than they were in Kansas City. I had kind of settled back down to being “normal” and Speak Now, again, helped with a lot. I started really dealing with depression and anxiety in eighth grade due to some bullying (again), so Long Live and Mean got me through that. did I mention that I was bullied into working on changing my slightly hick-ish accent in middle school? no? WELL IT HAPPENED. ANYWAYS! as eighth grade rolled into high school, my Speak Now obsession continued.

okay, now into high school. the best years of my life, but the worst years of my life. LET’S GET INTO IT. I was in marching band all four years of high school and when I first started, I met who I though was the love of my life. she (yes, I said she) was great and supported me and whoever I loved/whatever I was obsessed with, and she was a swiftie, so that was a plus. anyways, as the second half of my freshman year rolled around, my dad lost his job he’d had for a looooooong time (the one that moved us out to Colorado) and my depression got worse. my girlfriend tried to be there for me as much as she could and kept reminding me that Taylor was there, too, but it didn’t help much. I started self harming almost constantly and my multiple suicide attempts started. after freshman year was over and sophomore year began, my dad was still unemployed and I was still severely depressed. my relationship started growing into an emotionally abusive one and I thought my life was pretty much pointless until the Speak Now World Tour dates were released and I saw that Taylor was going to be in Denver three weeks after my fifteenth birthday! unfortunately, my family wasn’t able to afford any kind of tickets and all I got from the concert was a bunch of girls around my school bragging about it and wearing all the merchandise the next day. the next few months of my life were like that until Safe & Sound from The Hunger Games soundtrack was released. I bought that the day it came out because we had Christmas a day late and I got an iPod touch with an iTunes gift card, so of fucking course I would.

okay, let’s just move into the next era because I am going on and on and on here. so between the time Safe & Sound and Red were released, I had attempted suicide multiple times through extreme amounts of self harm and attempting to overdose, but clearly, none of them worked. I also marched in the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade my sophomore year and tried killing myself and started starving myself after we got back for lord knows what reason. the only good thing about that trip was being in Time’s Square at the same time Taylor posted a picture of her in a taxi in Time’s Square. like, that’s it. anyways, the only thing that helped me through my sophomore year was the fact that I had Safe & Sound and The Hunger Games to make me feel like life was like, the least bit worth living.

ANYWAYS, I’m pretty sure it was my first week of my junior year, but Taylor had her livestream when she announced Red and that was the beginning of my life turning around. I was finally able to end my super emotionally abusive relationship with my ex girlfriend by playing We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together on Skype and then hanging up on her. thanks, Taylor, by the way! it made me feel so empowered and the countdown for the album gave me something to look forward to. I also remember coming home from school two days after my sixteenth birthday, watching Taylor sing Ronan, then hating my life. A N Y W A Y S. Red coming out was the best thing that ever happened to me, even though I couldn’t buy the physical copy until after school the day it came out. I did buy it on iTunes the night before and I’m pretty sure I posted it on Facebook, but you know, whatever. by the end of my junior year, I was doing a lot better in school than I had been doing my previous year and my mental health got quite a bit better. my last week of school, two of the local country radio stations (The Wolf and KYGO) started giving away tickets for the Red Tour concert in Denver, and after calling The Wolf THIRTEEN times on my cell phone on my last day of school, I won two tickets to see her (click this link to listen to it because my good friend recorded it and put it on SoundCloud). it was a definite turn around to my life. my ex, who was going with her friend, tried to get me to take her with me, but I took my best friend instead and texted her the lyrics to WANEGBT during WANEGBT because I was too savage for my own good. I also saw Mama Swift and cried, and Grant tried throwing me a guitar pick and it made it NOWHERE NEAR ME. but he tried. and it was great.

okay, senior year. sorry this is so long. I continued being obnoxiously obsessed with Red and the last two digits of my locker were 22 and the last number of my locker combo was 13, so I though the Taylor Swift gods were blessing me for sure. ANYWAYS. I graduated from high school, which is something I never imagined I would be alive to do, but I made it through because Taylor made me feel so empowered with songs like IKYWT and WANEGBT and kept me away from my toxic ass ex girlfriend. BUT I GRADUATED. AND IT WAS GREAT. I WAS AND AM STILL SO PROUD OF MYSELF.

I’m just gonna long story short the rest of this because this is going on way too damn long. 1989 was announced and Shake It Off was released on a day I worked a night shift the night before, so I was like, wiped the hell out and actually asleep, but I partied hardy as soon as I woke up and ended up meeting someone who changed my life immensely because of it. I almost dated her, but I screwed that up and honestly, it’s probably for the better. the 1989 world tour rolled around and I didn’t win/couldn’t afford to buy tickets, so I just sat at home and read about it. I lived through the drama and the music videos, which made me feel like I had something to live for (again, I know that’s probably stupid), but at that point, I needed anything I could grasp onto. then I started therapy and antidepressant meds and started dealing with some gender dysphoria, which Taylor’s presence helped me through, until August. then I stopped my medication voluntarily and my self harm got bad. that was during the drought. it was fun. it was hard to find things to be happy about.

okay, fast forward to this year because I need to finish this. Taylor was basically nowhere to be seen and my depression and anxiety had gotten so bad, I had to do something about it myself. I found the courage and strength to put myself in an intensive outpatient program at a local behavioral health facility and while Taylor’s sexual assault trial triggered some very upsetting PTSD and guilt/shame, I graduated from the program two weeks ago. then, shortly after, this new era started.

okay, to make a long story short, I just realized I’ve been able to stay alive during all of her eras and all of the drama she’s been attached to and if you would’ve asked me five years ago, I would’ve told you I wouldn’t have been alive to do that. I realized that I have survived crushes, heartbreaks, love, breakups, depression, anxiety, self harm, suicide attempts, loneliness, confusion, and pain with and mainly because of @taylorswift and I can’t begin to thank her enough for that.

again, I know she’ll probably never read this or see it on her dashboard or anything of that nature, but I just wanted to let everyone know that Taylor is not only a musical legend, but a lifesaver.

#taylor swift #fearless #speak now #red #1989 #reputation #swifie #swifties #my life story so far #sorry this was so obnoxious #I just wanted to put this out in the world #personal

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soreillia · 7 years

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FFXIV Fan Festival Day 2

This was the last day of the two days event at Frankfurt! It was so much fun and people there were so nice?! (Like it never occurred to me people would just start a chat with strangers XD A lot of people were asking me to switch to their servers FFFF) I’m already amazed that FF14 players are so much more friendly than in any other MMORPGs I played. well it’s not free to play after all... tbh i miss p2p aion as well

Anyway! My day 2 report under the cut~

BEWARE OF MY MAGITEK ARMOR /SHOTHARD

I actually want to skip the stuff that was on livestream but DAMMMMN I’m still so surprised and happy for them, when they handed 3 Guinness World of Record Awards to FFXIV/SE!!

One of the world records was “having the longest credits in an online game” with 1h and 48 min. Yes. Almost 2h of credits.

The 2nd award was for having the most music tracks for a game with 384. Soken seemed so surprised about creating that many xDD But as they pointed out in the talk between Uematsu and Soken even Titan Theme has for every of 5 phases its own track then it was no wonder haha

Also since it was the last day I wanted to finish collecting my stamps you get from Mini Games and Ingame Events. So I picked the “Battle Challenge” to get 3 more stamps (you get 5 if you succeed). In this challenge 24 people can join and have to fight “Proto Ultima” together (split in 3 alliances).

There were many people standing there queuing for it so I wondered how long it will take for my turn. But as I was waiting for about 2 minutes a woman came to me asking if I was solo and that one of the alliances still needed a healer! So I pretty much got instant queue like ingame healer queue... XDD The people seemed to know each other and I was so nervous!! I didn’t have any idea how the fight was gonna be and what the mechanics are. I asked them if I should play SCH or WHM-- (hoping I can play SCH and let my fairy carry my heals /SHOT) but the other healer already picked SCH, so they asked me to play WHM. Well... I was cosplaying White Mage already so... it was fitting.

The fight was pretty stressy-- the other SCH died so many times and the DRG died first as usual, these LOLDRG pls so we wiped on the first try, but on the second try we made it!! I had no idea what was going on--- where to run to-- everywhere AoE-- but HEY WE DID IT!! 5 STAMPS GET!!

So after I got the 9+ stamps I was able to pick up my rewards! It was the Fat Chocobo Keyring and cute stickers of minions and stickers of the Grand Companies and Stormblood.

I past the signature wall once again to see what people wrote and......

PEOPLE.

WHY.

WHAT.

THE.

HELL.

YOU.

DOING.

Yes, I can’t believe they added more to the Haurchey Memorial.

Also wanted to check on what I wrote the day before AND SOME PERSON WROTE OVER MY WRITING FFFF SO I ADDED A CACTUAR NEXT TO IT DOING 1K NEEDLES ATTACK but I forgot how cactuar look like and it became very derp. Also thank you random person adding Haurchey next to it.

After I finished being in rage about my writing being overwrote BY SOME SLOPPY LAD’S

I...

actually...

managed to take a picture together with Susan Calloway. /MEL PLS U LUCKY GETTING ALL THESE SIGNATURES THO

She also signed for me-- AND IT SO CUTE!! WITH THAT “: )” AAA She also complimented me for the costume that I’m looking great so I was super blushu AAAA Q//////////Q

Then I went to check on the drawing of Mogi again-- how far he got today AND FFF I thought he would still work on the other drawing he started the day before, but he actually started another drawing on this day and...

HE DREW THIS IN 90 MINUTES. WEW.

The festival ended with a concert by The Primals. Oh man hearing all these tracks live was such an amazing experience!! ESPECIALLY RAVANA THEME. THE VOCALS PLS.

Also Susan Calloway sung Shiva’s Theme together with The Primals AAAAAA

Sadly after their final song (Alexander Boss Theme Locus) there was no encore. But after seeing their performance THEY REALLY DESERVED A BREAK LOL my throat would hurt so badly trying to sing these xD

I’m sad it is over now and I really hope there will be another of these events in the future, the ticket was REALLY REALLY WORTH THE PRICE!! > 3<b

Well and I couldn’t stop myself from buying two more merchandise-

#mel irl adventure #ff14 fanfest #long post #Mel's RL stuff #ff14 #my legs are dead btw

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