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feelbadorgan-blog · 6 years ago

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Journal Entry #1: Draw My Life

I would like to think that I’ve always been a reflective person even my childhood memories are full of solitary moments, me left alone to my perceptions and creations. I find it almost addicting going back to my childhood memory of playing in our sandy garden alone. This reflective peculiarity will prove valuable to me in the later years up to the present. It helped me grow and develop my definition of my identity, although more of identities. It brought me to the world of self-help books, journaling and constant self-evaluation. My days are full of questions and ambiguous answers to life. This time a year ago, I have decided to write them into journals. My journal typically starts with a question and continues freely, most of the time irrelevantly, to where writing takes me and it may be observable in this entry. I hope not. It is also written as if it is someone else’s so I can be more objective and harsh on myself.

Ever since I arrived here in NCR, I haven’t written anything yet so this will serve as my first entry. I literally write in journal notebooks, but I have discovered that I can use technology, prove myself as a gen-Z and use the softcopy format a.k.a. “.docx” and even “.txt”.

I have filled three different journal notebooks ever since I started a year ago. Although majority of my writing are on my laptop now, I still write on paper and my fourth journal notebook is almost halfway filled with whatever this mind encounters. Journaling is a very soothing and liberating process for me.

This is how I journal now, and I’d like to call it “E-journal” as if putting an E in the beginning of any word makes it sound better. I typically write anything I can think of and anything that intrigues me. Although, my writings are hindered by my writing skills because I don’t know a lot about forming sentences, using punctuation and selecting words from a narrow and shallow vocabulary. I love English because I think it is a very creative and inclusive language but sadly, I’m not that good yet to create and enjoy it to its fullness.

I think I am exposing myself too much already but what’s life without a little vulnerability. I personally have struggled with vulnerability and insecurity. This basically became the story of my high school life and pretty much of my life because I can hardly remember events before high school. Peer pressure got the best of me and it made me do things I would regret but I can do nothing about so let’s move on.

This is the grade 7 me, too naïve about the world around him and on the things about to come. He feels very insignificant and is peer pressured a lot. He has grown and he’s very different now but it humbles him to know where he started. Reminiscing how we grow through time always lead to smiles.

“Beast”

In high school is where you find inevitable to be grouped to the same people with the same interests. For our group named “BST”, we found each other through sports and cutting classes to play sports. They saw and guided my growth from the one on the picture above to who I am today. The day after graduation transforms high school friends to lifelong family.

“Megs”

Megs is the Bisaya term for friends. This my wholesome and nerdy squad. It may seem contradicting belonging to two squads with different nature but it’s not. I found that one squad completes and balances the other so that I stay right in between my academics and my passion. I am not swallowed by academics nor do I sacrifice my future for playing sports.

“Do your thingsss”

I have loved a few things and formed a few passions in my life and this picture shows it all.

The Wipcap, official cap of Fliptop which is the Philippines’ Rap Battle League and is the last Rap Battle League in the world, for my love of the hip-hop and culture.

The rifle for my love of service and to my three years membership of our school’s CAT.

Kyrie 5 “Husky” shoes for my passion in The Game and my homage to passionate players.

“Orchid in a bottle” for my love of biology, laboratory work and simple science.

The Innovators book for my love of technology, great people, great work and cooperation.

This is the product of my six years in high school. When I heard we were allowed one creative shot for our yearbook, this image of me popped into my mind. I have unconsciously viewed myself this way and I can say this has been my self-image as a product of my high school life. High school has been productively transformative for me. It gave me the chance to redefine myself through reflection. I have known myself deeper. This probably is the most “me” picture of my life.

I believe that a man is defined by how he uses much of his time. This is where majority of my time goes and majority of where my self-concept comes from. These are my mentors and my hobbies.

THE HIP-HOP CULTURE

“BLKD”

A UP-Diliman graduate Fliptop pioneer who is considered now a Legend and the best lyricist of the game. He takes pride in his timeless content, intricate flow and crafty use of rap elements like anagrams, personals, quadruple meanings, metaphors and bars. These are a few of his lines.

“Tanggap ko kung wala ako sa top 5 niyo, nasa Top 5 ako ng nasa top 5 niyo”

He may not always be the fan favorite, but he surely is feared among fellow emcees.

“Kaya kong magpaka-street, magsalit ng pa-slang

Kasi pen-game ko perfect, sa iyo pass lang

Puro galaw wala namang puntos, puro pass lang

Ako puro tirang sharpshooter na pumapaslang”

A quadruple meaning of the homophones paslang/pass lang with street, school, basketball and battle references.

“Hindi titulong pangdakila tinutukoy ko pangratrat

kapag sinabi kong si Bonifacio ay ginamitan ko ng Gat”

Personals spat in a game against Marshall Bonifacio referencing the Bonifacio vs Rizal argument through the “gat” double meaning as a pistol and as Jose Rizal.

BASKETBALL

“The Alchemists”

This was taken after our exhibition game. I have only known basketball in high school and from that day onward I still have the same passion from when I started. The summer after my first year, I then enlisted to a basketball camp. All the free time I have after that we then spent playing the game. I am very passionate about the game. Although I don’t play as often as I once did, deep inside is the same fire.

DOTA

“The Internationals 2019 bracket”

The internationals more commonly known as “TI” is the most prestigious and largest tournament in e-sports. It’s prize pool is crowdfunded by the Dota 2 community and is now at US$33 million. Today is actually the first day of the main event. I have played Dota 2 for 4000 hours already, all on the internet cafe. I know I shouldn’t be “that’ proud about it but it’s not all negative. I know that I have developed some of my skills and besides, I don’t play anymore in fact I only had 30 games last year. The best part about ti9,The Internationals 2019, is that there is an all-Filipino team in the upper bracket, TNC. They are representing the Philippines and all the Filipino players. They have cemented their name along with the best teams worldwide and now they have the chance to win The Aegis of the Immortal, the trophy of the champions ever since 2010.

“TNC Predator”

This is our team fighting for the Aegis of the Immortal.

The SCIENCE of LEADERSHIP

“The Golden Circle”

This is a concept by Simon Sinek in his book “Start with Why”, one of the first books I have read and reread. I love the book as much as the man who wrote it. It demonstrates the difference between good and great leaders based on their conduct. Good leaders lead from the outside in starting from what they do, how they do it and why they do it making the “what” aspect clearest for their followers. Great leaders do the opposite, they talk most of the time about why they do it and they assure that this be the clearest aspect for their disciples. It is even manifested in their advertisements. TiVo is a good television company with good leaders. One of their advertisement says “We can pause, forward and rewind your favorite shows for you”, focusing more on the what. Apple, a great company with a great leader - Steve Jobs, would have an advertisement that would sound like “The ones crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who actually do”. This advertisement doesn’t even mention any of their products but it does mention why they make their products and it being clear to their followers is one of the reasons why people line up for hours in Apple stores to get their new Iphones even if they can buy it without hassle the week after.

I love leadership and cooperation especially the the value they bring to the world. It has brought us movements to question what the world is doing, great products and most of all it bring faith back into humanity. This interest in leadership forced me to read leadership, business, self-help and personal development books. You’ll find a lot of these people in these.

Another fascinating aspect of this circle is its accordance to the layers and structures inside our brain. The “what” represents the prefrontal cortex which is responsible for, you guessed it, what we do. The “how” is where the limbic brain starts representing the basal ganglia - responsible more on how we conduct thing. Lastly, the “why” represents the primitive amygdala which answers all the question to why we do and it sets out our priorities from food, reproduction and finding meaning.

SERVICE of the CAT

“Legions of Pisay”

We are the Legions of Pisay, a club created and organized by students. Our advocacy is the Citizenship Advancement Training. We trained volunteers, we serve the student body as manpower for events and we are directly under the disciplinary officer in imposing the laws of the school. My three years of service in the CAT is all about service. We arrange the venues, direct the audience and clean up after the event. We are the first to prepare and the last to clean. All of this for service. In three years, we have created a bonding from all the sacrifices we’ve made together for the student body. I have served and I hope soon I will be able to serve again.

INTERSECTION OF TECHNOLOGY and PASSION

“Steve Jobs”

Steve Jobs. The great man Steve who founded apple at his parents’ garage with Woz, brought great products to the world, exiled by the very company he founded, created another company “NeXT”, created Pixar, sold NeXT and himself to Apple and saved apple from oblivion. This is how I simplify the life of Steve. He founded Apple, Apple kicked him, out but Apple bought him back just to save themselves and to bring back their visionary. I am a total fanboy. He has nothing but passion. He gave his all even his health for the world to enjoy great products and to bring us great experience. He placed a thousand songs in our pocket when all there was is a Walkman through iPod. He didn’t commercialize his software. He created the best animation movies. He thought he can change the world, he did. Apple is now US$1Trillion in valuation and in fact if it were a country it would’ve been the 27th richest. We don’t know when we will get another Steve or another Apple but I’m sure it’s trying to change the world with passion.

MOVIES and The NERDWRITER

Evan Pushack aka “The Nerdwriter” creates videos about everything he can think of but mostly about people, art and movies. We share the same interest and his youtube channel has become a haven for me. I indulge in his content. With this platform he tries to help people. His K.I.N.D. “Kids In Need of Desks” video raised US$3 million for the school children of Africa. That’s worth 62 000 desks in 4 000 classrooms. He himself is struggling to make money from his videos but he never forgets to help. The world needs more of these people and those who can’t be them can at least support their causes.

I really talk a lot and mostly not about myself as much as my self-concept which is hugely not about me at all. I like talking about topics I love and consequently they become intertwined with my self-concept.

I don’t remember much before my high school life and I don’t rely on them so much for my self-image. As far as I can remember these are where my personal life revolves around, outside the relationships I’m keeping and building. These are where most of my time is spent. I like that I have a lot of mentors and passions. I can and have tried doing these for consecutive hours without getting even bothered. I hope that I would be able to keep most of these.

I have probably crafted, maybe stolen, my self-image around these people and activities. If they crumble, so as my self-image. They have contributed a lot to my ever-expanding self-concept as well as to the self I strive to be.

Knowing about people is my thing. Writing about them fuels me. I like to write more about people especially those who touch me. If I’d be given another chance to draw my life, I would still make this kind of piece.

credits/follow:@dotesports @startwithwhy @cultofmac @nerdwriter1@danicamarie

p.s. reading this entry proves how much i need to improve on the canon of disposition

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