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jungcity · 4 years

Text

𝟓𝟎𝟓.

GENRE: crime, romance, slice of life

PAIRINGS: bandit!hendery, sacristan!female reader

WORD COUNT: 27,632

SONG PROMPTS: Godless - BANKS, 505 - Arctic Monkeys, Some Unholy War - Amy Winehouse, Robbers - The 1975 | [full playlist here.]

WARNINGS: Please observe proper discretion for this story deals with themes of adultery, orphanhood, child abuse, child neglect, deaths, violence, manipulation and suggestive stuff.

NOTE: This is a part of the crime!au collaboration held by @neovisioned. This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Please be aware that this story would have references that revolves around Catholicism. I am by no means wish to be exclusive to those who has the same religion as I. Upon pondering the plot of this story, religion would be a mandatory part, hence I chose mine since it is what I know best.

TAGLIST: @legendnct @cloudysuh @eyypeach @mjlkau @cherub-vivi

i. I believe in God, the Father Almighty, creator of heaven and earth…

Trails of white smoke circled the candle as you snuffed out the fire from the matchsticks. The heavy rain raged on, with the branches slapping the gothic windows of Father Ben’s chamber. The priest sat on a rocking chair near the aperture, watching the thunder and lightning as they continue to battle for dominion over the heavens.

“Father,” you called out softly. He hummed but did not turn to face you. Over the months that you have worked and helped Father Ben tend to the church, you noticed how particularly silent he could be whenever the clouds are pouring. “Are you sure you don’t want me to stay?” you asked.

For the past few days, Father Ben would tell you about shadows prowling around the church. Two boys, he claims. Sometimes they are three. Bandits, no doubt.

“Be careful on your way home, hija. Bring my umbrella so you won’t get soaked.” And that has been the last words he spoke.

You pressed your lips into a thin line. There would be no point forcing the priest. Perhaps he does not want your mother to worry about you.

You closed the door of the priest’s chamber and made your way down the creaky staircase. The church hadn’t been renovated since the middle of the pandemic that had swept across the whole world. This structure hadn’t tasted new paints and new rivets yet for ten years.

Father Ben resides where the choral sings everyday. Since Father lost all his relatives to the pandemic, he made it built for him. Perhaps that was the reason why he was too quiet. You haven’t lost anyone to it, but you knew a lot of people who died because of it and have friends who had lost their fathers and mothers, even siblings, to it.

You fastened the latch of every door inside the church before you walked towards the main door. Laying the lamp on the floor, you unlatched the wooden door. The blustery and frigid wind flows through the opening, misting your feet and right arm as you leaned to grab the lamp and struggle to open the umbrella.

By good fortune, the rain softened as you departed the church. Bougainvilleas wrapping the façade of the structure made eerie shadows as the moon casted down its light to it. You made your way to the small village you live in.

“Hail Holy Queen, Mother of mercy…” echoes the praying mothers and daughters in front of their altars.

You cannot not help but be fascinated by the orange lamp lights in their homesteads, as you saw the women of every family kneel and make their prayers. Ever since the end of the pandemic five years ago, your village has been humming novenas every six p.m. or eight p.m. at night. You heard it was the same for the neighboring village, too.

“Hail our life, our sweetness and our hope…” You heard the little voices of innocent children as they tried to copy the words. It made your heart flutter. “To Thee do we cry, poor banished children of Eve. To Thee do we send up our sighs, mourning and weeping in this valley of tears.”

Until you reached your street, prayers echoed. Your house loomed as you turn left. Gathering your skirt, you hopped over a puddle of mud and continued walking.

“Mom, I’m home,” you declared upon stepping your feet inside.

Mom was on her usual place near the fireplace, knitting new pillowcases with the dim light from the fire. She turned her head to see you, then pulls down her reading glasses to examine your slightly soaked skirts.

“I thought you’re sleeping in the church?” she asked as she twiddled the needle with her fingers.

“Father Ben won’t allow me,” you simply answered as you trodded towards the kitchenette.

There was only one light inside the house. It was located between the kitchenette and living room. During the pandemic, all energy had been used to fuel hospitals as well as quarantine facilities for the affected citizens. Energy had been lacking ever since.

You went back to the living room with a plate in hand. Food has been scarce in this part of town. But your mother has a little vegetable farm in the backyard. So it’s vegetable salad every night.

“Tomorrow is the first Sunday of the month,” she began, “Did you prepare anything?”

You munched while watching the needle pierce through the fabric. “Mayor Rosales failed to give us sponsorship. But we have gathered some money from the houses nearby the highway.” Those people who live near the highway were what you could call the richer ones. They have convenience stores lining up, and they pretty much sell anything a villager might need. “Father wants to feed the children this time.”

“Would that be enough? The money?”

“We’ll make do,” you sighed.

Mother hummed. “Bring the vegetables tomorrow, then. I’ve harvested enough for ingredients.”

You smiled. “Thank you, Mother.”

ii. And in Jesus Christ, His only Son, our Lord…

He came into your life like a fog in the dawn; mysterious, hazy, and cold. The boy with the secret of the universe in his eyes, and danger playing along his boyish smile rang your door in the year 2040. When hope has only started to rebuild itself after the terrors of a sickness nobody had been able to see.

Easy smile, childlike laughters and soft hair— that has been him.

Your first encounter had been outside the church. Where he leaned in a big motorcycle while puffing smokes from his cigarette.

“Kids, please line up according to your height,” you told the children softly. Big innocent eyes stared back at you with excitement.

When suddenly, Lucy, the other sacristan, gestured to you to come over the front line where the food is located. “No pushing,” you warned the kids before leaving them with Rei, another sacristan.

“What is it?” you asked.

Lucy motioned her puckered lips towards the exit. “Could you tell him to smoke somewhere else?”

You followed her gesture. And your gaze landed straight to him as he blew out smoke from his lips. He playfully inhales from the cigarette bud and puffed it carelessly in the air. He was looking straight at the spot where you were currently glued at. Both of you held each other’s eyes, and you felt lost in those mysterious orbs for a good second until Lucy cleared her throat to gather your attention.

Spontaneously, your brows immediately shot up in vexation. It was forbidden to smoke inside and around the church’s vicinity. You gathered your skirts and sauntered up to him. As you near closer to him, you have caught a sight of a black patch plastered on the side of his neck.

The boy cocked a brow as he saw you nearing. You ignored his reaction and cleared your throat. But your breath seemed to be sweeped out of your lungs yet again when you realized that the black patch was a tattoo. It reads the word pervivo. “Mister, it is not allowed to smoke around the church. Could you please take that somewhere else?”

Instead of tossing his cigarette, he took a long sip from the bud and blew the smoke to your face. Shocked and absolutely disgusted, you fanned away the smoke frantically while coughing out the chemical that has succeeded to reach your nostrils and throat.

“What the—”

“Fuck?” he finished. The smoke slowly dissipates, revealing his dead set of eyes staring at you. He, then, threw the bud to the ground before crushing the ashes with the tip of his boot. “Can’t really cuss in here, can you?”

Such audacity! Your nose flared while trying to collect the little patience left in your system. Boys like him never failed to irate you.

Smoothing out your skirt, you straightened your spine with as much dignity as you can muster. “Blowing smoke—”

For the second time, the boy interrupted you by waving his hand high up in the air. “Father!” he shouted. The boy jogged the distance towards the line of children in front of the church to clap Father Ben’s back. Frozen on your feet, you stared at him in horror.

“Do you know him, Father?” you motioned your head to the boy who was casually smiling from ear to ear beside the priest. As if he didn’t deadpan at you earlier.

Father Ben stretched his lips into what you could call a small smile. “Hendery’s from the city. He’s to be our new sacristan.”

There was literal ringing in your ears by what you have heard. Hendery? A new sacristan? “Wait…” You let out an incredulous noise. “What?”

“I’m Hendery Wong. I came here to be the new sacristan.” The boy stretched out his hand to you. You look at it with reluctance evidently etched through your face.

“I don’t understand,” you managed to say while shaking Hendery’s hand. He has been surprisingly calloused, juxtaposing his soft and pretty face.

“I know you will soon, hija,” Father Ben said, “And I trust you to help Hendery adjust to the work here. Can you do that?”

Hendery’s smile never left his face. It was as if he was relishing to the predicament that you were in instead of being friendly. However, you couldn’t really turn down Father Ben. And it was not right to jump on your prejudices. Cigarettes and tattoos doesn’t mirror someone else’s personality. Hendery deserved the benefit of the doubt.

So you sighed. “I can, Father. Rest assured that I’ll show Hendery around.”

Father Ben tapped your shoulder lightly before joining Lucy to prepare the food for the children, leaving you with the new boy.

“So,” he began, garnering your attention. When you turn to look at him, Hendery’s demeanor has already changed. Or perhaps it was only your judgment getting the best of you. But there was a spark of something dangerous in the way that he looked at you. As if his eyes were the tip of the cigarette he inhaled mere minutes ago. Flickering— with a promise of charring if you ever come close. “Shall we begin?”

For what seemed like the hundredth time that day, you sighed deeply. “Could you wash and sanitize first? You know, you actually held a cigarette and we don’t wanna contaminate the food, right?”

His smile grew wider, erasing the enigma he exuded seconds ago. “Do you have a mask? You know, I’ve sipped a cigarette and we don’t want my spit to fly towards the food, right?”

You looked at him sharply. “Yes, we do have a mask. It’s become pretty mandatory since twenty years ago.”

Hendery stretcheso out his hand to let you walk first. From the long table on which the food has been placed, you grabbed a surgical mask to give to Hendery. When you turned to face him, he held up his hands suddenly.

“I haven’t yet washed my hands. I’ll appreciate it if you’ll put those here,” he said while pointing at his ear.

He really was something. And you have found it oddly… endearing. You haven’t known ice and fire could co-exist in a single person. Until you have met him. You gulped— and you have no idea why— as you draped the strings of the mask around his ears. His mouth and nose disappeared, but that failed to decrease his beauty.

What is happening to you? In your whole existence, you have met boys with stars in their eyes but this has been your first time to see the whole universe in someone else’s irises.

You shook your head as Hendery departed in front of you to wash his hands.

Pretty boys are only boys until you try to make a verselet out of them. That was the line you have never wanted to cross.

Hendery would only be a word. Not poetry. Or would he?

iii. He was conceived by the power of the Holy Spirit, and born of the Virgin Mary…

When you were amongst the poor during the pandemic, your survival rate would be extremely challenged. Luckily for you, your father had run a small business that successfully provided for your family during those trying times.

Five years ago, the world made its reset when it came to economy and livelihood. Almost all businesses shut down. The luxuries and opulence of the year 2020 had been vanquished completely.

Billionaires finally witnessed that they weren’t the gods they once thought they were as the claws of the sickness reached their thrones and destroyed their castles.

Regardless of the Internet’s power, trade fell. With it the Internet celebrities in YouTube, Tiktok, Instagram, Twitter— you name it.

Notwithstanding, the 2020’s pandemic hadn’t been the only one to devastate the Earth.

There had been multiple environmental issues, like the raging of wildfires in sundry forests across the globe. World War III also threatened to break out of its cage as countries fought for dominance over lands they clearly had no business to claim.

Police brutality rages on. Their authority had been used for mayhem other than peace. It has breached the lives of people, especially to that of the black community. Everything went clusterfuck because the authorities think some people are inferior to them. They harmed rather than serve.

Chaos. Death. Fear. Those three things have managed to leave a blotch of bleakness that now blanketed the Earth.

The death toll exceeded that of the Black Plague that had swept across Europe hundreds of years ago. Hospitals transformed to that of a colony— the patients as the ants. Total panic enveloped everyone. Especially the poor, whose only shield against it had been a little bottle of alcohol.

Great Depression two-point-o, some would call the economy right now. Minimal jobs were offered, but the salary won’t be enough to feed a family of four.

Poverty’s poison didn’t fail to contaminate the globe. It strengthened its hold to the third world country, and flowed slowly to those in the upper level of society. Despite it all, everyone collapsed on its feet: adults with dreams for the younger generations. Teenager with dreams for the future. And children who were only starting to build their aspirations.

With it, the hopes of the seven-year-old boy who has the constellations in his eyes and a promise of tomorrow in his innocent face. It had all been obliterated because of heartache and neglect.

Hendery witnessed it every night; the shoutings of his mother, and the hopelessness in his father’s face as yet another job had turned him down. His bedroom walls didn’t muffle the sound— the silence only intensified it.

“You are a useless piece of shit!” her mother would scream.

Despite that, Hendery’s father would only cover his face with his hands. He would absorb every nag and every hurtful words his wife would throw at him. Because tomorrow would be another day to fight and he couldn’t afford losing the battle now. At least, that was what Hendery believed.

Never once did he hear his mother ask about his sake. Never once did he hear the words, “What about Hendery? He would starve!”

Starve he did.

A lanky seven-year-old, his neighbors would call him. Salt and rice every night. You only have to close your eyes and eat. Wash down the taste with water and sleep.

The home that was meant to give him comfort had turned his own hell. Its unfavorable walls would suffocate him every day. Its dull and dirty carpet would be his only friend for the days that would come.

And as if the world wasn’t done throwing knives and rocks at his back, Hendery found something that had completely deteriorated the little boy in him.

One day, when he was returning from their neighbor’s house— full and a little bit energetic— he found his mother’s clothes littered over the floor, with it were pants and shirts that didn’t belong to his father.

With his boy heart and still developing mind, Hendery sat in the kitchen. The noise of his mother’s adultery echoed across the whole house. Hendery patiently waited for it to stop, sitting there with his feet dangling from the chair.

Then the door clicked open, revealing his mother and the man he didn’t recognize. From his position to the kitchen, his mother failed to notice him. But Hendery could see everything unfolding before his very eyes. The unknown man picked up his clothes. When he was completely dressed, he fished for his wallet and handed Hendery’s mother money.

That night, there were sausages and eggs in the table. His mother was enthusiastic, but there was a dull spark in her eyes. His father, too, despite the smile on his lips, was a flash of apology in his orbs.

Hendery slept soundly. A tear escaping his eye.

“Why are you crying?” You crouched in front of a boy named Kristan. Snot and tear has already mixed up in his face to create dirty splotches. You held his hands softly to put beside his body.

Kristan sniffed. But did not answer.

“Kristan, tell me what happened,” you gently asked. His head bowed down deeper, as if he was embarrassed and scared to tell you anything. Kristan, he was one of your favorites despite his silent comportment and shy eyes.

Ever since Father Ben decided to teach the children from the village basic education at the church, you have been curious about Kristan. There was something about the boy. Sadness. Melancholy. Loneliness.

“I am here—” You were interrupted by Hendery, who also crouched beside Kristan. “What are you doing?” you deadpan.

Hendery ignored you, as he focused on Kristan. He puts his hand on his shoulder and pulls down his mask. “Tell me who among these kids beat you up,” he whispered, “Was it him?” Then he pointed towards the other boy who was curiously watching the three of you.

The slightest shock adorned Kristan’s face. He looked at you warily, obviously perturbed by Hendery’s presence.

You smiled at him to tell him it’s alright. And that he doesn’t need to be cautious around Hendery. Although you didn’t know about that yourself. Hendery was still a mystery.

“They… didn’t hurt me,” Kristan said through his snuffles. “Thank… you, Miss Y/N,” he added, then he looked at Hendery, “And to you… Mister…?”

“Hendery. Call me Hendery.”

“Mister Hendery,” Kristan said, practicing the new syllables of Hendery’s name. Kristan bowed before walking towards the line of boys again.

Concerned about the well-being of the boy, you sighed. When you turned to go back to packing the foods, Hendery walked up towards Kristan again.

“What is this?” he asked while slightly pulling up the little boy’s sleeves. There was a purple mark right on his arm. Something that definitely resembled a contusion.

When Kristan realized what was happening, he flinched away from Hendery.

You hurried beside him once more, brows furrowed. “Kristan, what is that?”

His eyes were fervent, lips quivering while wriggling free of your hold from his arm. Because of the fear that you might hurt him, you let Kristan go. He ran away.

Father Ben rushed towards you, robes billowing like waves against the pavement. “What is happening?” he asked.

You shared a look with Hendery before answering, “Hendery and I saw something in his arm— something like a bruise,” you explained. “Father, I think there’s something going on with Kristan, and I am deeply concerned about his well-being.”

The priest listened and nodded his head. “Follow me, the both of you,” he commanded before pivoted on his heel.

Without offering Hendery a glance, you followed Father Ben inside the church and to his chamber. When all three of you were secured inside, Father Ben locked the door.

You couldn’t help but observe Hendery as he roamed his eyes around the room. As if he was searching for something. Something valuable. But when he looked at you, he smiled and all your doubts vanished in a blink. How could happiness and sadness co-exist at the same time in someone else’s body?

The sound of papers shuffling woke you from your reverie. Father Ben raised up a paper, and studied it with his reading glasses.

“Here is Kristan’s birth certificate,” he announced. “His mother died giving birth to him. Kristan is being taken care of his father, his alcoholic father, at their house in the southeast part of the village.”

You listened carefully to each word. You already know that Kristan’s only living parent was his father. But never once did Father Ben shared the reality of him being alcoholic. Goosebumps crawled onto your back as realization slowly weaved its way through your mind.

“His father’s hurting him,” Hendery pronounced beside you.

Father Ben hummed. “That, we do not yet know. So it’d be really helpful if the both of you would venture to their house and check for your own eyes. I would’ve gone myself but I won’t be able to fight his father if it ever comes to that,” Father Ben continued, “He’s quite well-known as an aggressive man.”

“And… I suppose Hendery could fight him off?” You raised a brow. Hendery’s built wasn’t like that of a body-builder. He definitely belonged to the species of boys with sad eyes and skinny bodies. Dangerous. Utterly dangerous.

He chuckled— a quite rumbling sound that could stir butterflies inside a woman’s stomach. “I’m quite a fighter, Y/N,” he said.

You sighed. “Let’s just hope that it won’t come to aggression.” Then you focused your attention back to the priest. “What of me? What can I contribute, Father?”

Father Ben placed the paper back to his drawers. “You have your wits in you, hija. Convince his father to give us Kristan for a while until he gets his life on the right path.”

After Father Ben’s instruction, the both of you made your way down the stairs. You still couldn’t understand why Father Ben asked Hendery to come. He was from town after all. Townspeople weren’t so used to life in the countryside. In their towering factories and buildings, they still pretend that they have the glory of the past.

“Are you really from the city?” you asked, turning your body to face him. He descended the last step while you stood on the second.

His steps halted at the question, then he tilted his head quite a bit too see you. “What of it?”

You shrugged. “I don’t know. Having someone journey here from the city’s pretty unusual.” You descended the stairs and walked ahead of him.

“Having villagers in the city’s never been heard before,” he snorted.

Your brows furrowed. Was that an insult? Or was he simply baiting you? Whatever that meant, you halted. “What are you implying? That we don’t have the means to go to the city?” When Hendery shrugged, you puffed out your chest and held your chin up high. “Well, must I say to you that it’s pretty decent living in here than pretend to have riches in the city.”

He only chuckled, driving you irate even more. “We don’t pretend, Y/N.”

You have decided not to answer for your own well-being. He was truly a city boy. Arrogant. Condescending. Too full of himself. And you mustn’t bother yourself with him. Hendery was on the other side of your own spectrum. There was no point understanding a boy you have just met.

“Oh, wait.” You halted when you finally reached the exit door of the church. “I’ll ask Lucy if you could borrow her bicycle.” When you turned to leave, Hendery caught your wrist. Everything about you stopped functioning by the touch. It wasn’t as if you weren’t used to boys holding you— but yes, you could say that.

“We can ride my motorbike,” he suggested, “Much more convenient, don’t you think?”

Oh, no. No, no, no. If the year 2020 had learned its way towards openness and liberty, well, 2040 failed to adapt to that. “No,” you simply answered.

“No? What do you mean no? You’ll only ride behind me, then we’ll take off.”

You groaned. “City boys.” If anyone would see you riding a big motorbike, they would curse you as if you were the demon. You despised the notion yourself. And it was really tempting to try new things once in a while. Perhaps you were only being stupid— or naive. There was no harm riding a big black and shiny motorbike, right? You heaved out a deep sigh. “Alright, let’s go.”

Hendery’s confused visage turned to that of a bright one when he, once again, flashed you his pearlescent teeth. He jogged the distance towards his motorbike. Without any word, he hopped and snapped the pedal with his right foot.

“Hop in,” he said.

You raised a brow. “Helmet?”

“Church girls,” he groaned. You opened your mouth to speak, but Hendery once again cut you off, “Where is the fun in riding a motorbike if you’d wear a helmet?”

“Hendery, it’s a safety protocol if you aren’t—”

Once again, he groaned, “Where’s the fun in ‘safe’? Hop in.” He tilted his head to the side, encouraging you to finally hop in his motorbike.

“I think I’m gonna ride—”

“Y/N,” he firmly called, “Sometimes, you also have to taste the danger.” Then he reached for your hand. You would have flinched away, but the warmness of his palm hindered you from doing so. “Don’t you trust me?”

Trust? Mother says don’t talk to strangers. It has been a mantra of every little girl as they grow up. But you aren’t a little girl no more.

Other than his melancholic eyes, his name is all you know about him. And how could you trust the swirl of danger in his irises? However, humans are vexatious. They don’t always follow the rules.

When you are fed with deprivation of something extraordinary, you grow hankering after it.

You took Hendery’s hand. With your heart thudding inside your chest, you grasped your skirt and pulled your body upwards to sit on his motorbike. Hendery revved the engine, twisting his hand around the accelator.

“Please, slow down—!” Your chests collided against his back by the impact. Hendery chuckled, but he did not heed your cries. He rode through the road ahead, shoulders still rumbling of his laughters.

Skirt ballooning out, you prayed to God that you won’t meet your doom today. This has been a bad idea. A very bad one at that. What would people say if they witness a sacristan— a sacristan woman— riding this black motorcycle? With her skirts billowing out in the open? Oh, no. Your mother would whip you to shreds.

“Where are we going?” Hendery shouted.

You clutched on his front shirt tightly, afraid that the wind would surely swoosh you away if you do so much as to slacken your hold. “Where are we now?” you shouted back. Because you refused to sit up straight, you shielded yourself with Hendery’s body. And now your position shielded you away from seeing anything other than the road beneath the wheels.

“Y/N, please sit up straight.” He laughed. Oh, this boy relishes to your suffering. He really was. “We are currently entering a village…?”

You willed yourself to sit. Surely, it won’t kill you. You have seen actresses ride behind their own James Deans in big motorcycles such as this one.

“Alright, alright, I’ll slow down.” But Hendery’s words were muffled by the air. However, you felt the wheels roll slowly as it enters your village. Your village. Oh, no.

“No, please don’t! Faster, Hendery!” When he refused to rev the accelerator, you pinched his sides.

“Aw! Alright, alright!” Without another word, Hendery drove through the houses.

You obscured our face as much as you could. You couldn’t afford having someone recognize you. It won’t happen.

“Y/N, where are we going?” he asked for the second time. “We’re away from the houses. No one can see you here but the grasses,” he taunted.

You opened your eyes and saw the ground below, as well as the grasses. It only means you were well away from your village. You exhaled and sat up. “Turn left.”

“Left? Is there life at the end of this road?”

You deadpanned, “City boys.”

“No, seriously?”

“Yes, there is Hendery. It’s the most isolated part of the village— please look at the road,” you reminded him when he attempted to face you sideways.

“Kristan’s from here?”

“Apparently.”

He nodded his head. “He walks this distance every day?”

“Yes.”

It was somehow weird to talk about life in the countryside with a city boy. If Hendery was, indeed, from the city. You have no idea about the city ever since the pandemic. This has always been your home; the trees, the grasses, the kind neighbors, and a pious village. The liveliness of the wen— if claims were to be trusted— has been no more than a thing left in the back of your mind. It was almost a name you have no idea how to pronounce.

“You, too?” Hendery asked. A question you didn’t expect to hear.

“Uh-huh.” Then a chuckled. “We’re left with no choice since we have no resources when it comes to vehicles.”

“How do you go to the city, then?”

“We don’t go to the city. Unless it is needed.”

Hendery hummed. “And how do you go?”

“We ask the chieftain to lend us the ambulance.”

“The ambulance?” he asked.

The road becomes bumpy because of rocks, so you hold on him tightly once again. Hendery chuckled at your action, but did not bait you.

“Yes,” you answered. “Oh, we’re here,” you announced as Kristan’s village looms ahead. It was shielded away from your eyes because of the trees circling the whole vicinity.

“Do they sleep with snakes here?” There wasn’t any jeer to his voice, only curiosity.

You snorted. “Why don’t you stay for the night to try?” You gathered your skirt then planted your heel to the ground. With a swing of your leg, you hopped off his motorbike.

“I’d like to.” Hendery fished out a packet of cigarettes from the pocket of his jacket. He pressed one between his fingers and lit the tip with a lighter.

“Is that necessary?” you asked.

People in this part of town weren’t welcoming. That was why it didn’t come off as a shock to know that Kristan’s father was alcoholic. It simply was the way of living here: alcohol, cigarettes, cards. That being said, having an outsider such as Hendery venture here could provoke the most hard-headed fathers and boys alike.

Hendery sipped then blew smoke out in the air. “What are you scared of?”

For a minute, you caught a spark in his irises. It was as if he didn’t ask about your fears— but your insecurities. And of the things you wanted to try but couldn’t. Or perhaps it was only you, digging deeper into the simple question.

“God,” you simply answered.

“There is no god,” he retorted.

That caught you off-balance. An aspiring sacristan wouldn’t say that. “Father says you want to be a sacristan. How could you? When you don’t have any faith?”

Hendery stopped for a second before blinking. “There is no god but God the Father Almighty in heaven.” Then he flashed you a smile. You furrowed your brows. “Shall we?” he asked, throwing out his cigarette to the ground.

You shrugged.

Different sets of eyes pierced your bodies as you and Hendery trodded the dusty road. Mothers with their youngest born straddling their waists peered through wooden gates. Fathers with their cigarettes and beer bottles scrutinized you from head to toe. You were covered from your neck down your heel, but they look at you as if you were naked.

Hendery beside you exudes indifference. Shoulders straight and chin up high, Hendery stared every man down. You didn’t know if that’s a good idea or not. The last thing you need was a brawl between him and the juveniles surrounding you.

Finally, you have reached Kristan’s home. It ws made of cement and sawali, just like most of the houses you have just passed by.

You smoothed out your skirt before knocking. One, two, three knocks before his Father greeted you with a grunt.

“What d’ya want?” he asked in a rumpled voice.

Hendery stepped beside you. “We’re here to talk.”

Kristan’s father wiped his mouth with the back of his hand. “I don’t have anytime for you—”

“It’s about Kristan,” Hendery stated, jaw clenching.

To be honest, you didn’t expect him to make the talking. You could do it yourself. But you were still thankful that he was with you right now.

Kristan’s father rests his body against the doorframe. “What about my son?” Yes, he did ask about his son. However, there wasn’t any trace of concern in his voice.

You cleared your throat. “Father Ben wants to take care of Kristan for a while, until we’re sure that he’s safe living here.”

You heard the crashing of his beer bottle first, before you felt the tightening of your throat by the way he grabbed your collar.

“No one tells me what to do—”

Your first instinct had been to lash out on him, but your anger got the best of you. Before you could act out on your own, Hendery wrapped his hand around the man’s wrist. With force, he pushes him away and twisted the bone.

You stared in horror as Kristan’s father screamed in pain while holding his broken wrist. “Hendery!” you shouted as he sauntered towards the man. Hendery grabbed his head and slammed his knees against his nose, once again cracking the bones.

Thunderstruck beyond comprehension, you flew towards Hendery. “Hendery! Stop!”

Kristan’s father was on the ground, clutching his bleeding nose. Hendery towered over him with clenched fist, ready to pounce at any given time. Before he could swing yet another blow, you already lay hold of his arm.

“What are you doing?!” you asked, out of breath.

“Beating the shit out of him,” he said in nonchalance.

“That— isn’t what Father Ben asked as to do,” you reminded him, despite the fact that Father Ben indeed expected a brawl.

Hendery’s muscles relaxed nonetheless. He pointed a finger towards Kristan’s father who’s still on the ground, glaring at the both of you.

You grapple for words— anything. “Did you hurt your son?” you ask.

“What of it? You don’t have a child so you won’t understand how it is to discipline one,” he answered.

Hendery crouched. You grabbed hold of his back collar. “You fucking hurt your son again,” he spits, “I will kill you.”

“Father, I’m home— Miss Y/N?”

The three of you turned your attention towards the little boy who entered the house. Kristan. He was holding a plastic of what you could tell was a bag of vegetables.

Kristan’s eyes turns to Hendery, and to his bloodied father. “Mister Hendery? What are you doing here?”

“You’ll come with us for a while,” Hendery said.

“What is happening?”

You crouched in front of the boy and lay hold of his shoulders. “Father Ben asked us to take you back to the church. Where you’ll stay for a while until your Father learns how to be a good one.”

“Really?” Kristan asked in relief.

Has this house been his hell that it’s a relief to be away from his father? You frowned at the thought.

“But… Father— he’s going to be alone.”

“Ask your Father. We still need his approval after all,” you explained.

Kristan walked towards his father, who was standing and padding his pants. Hendery crossed his arms over his chest, watching the man warily.

“Father, is it okay if I’ll leave for a while? Will you be fine?” the little boy asked.

“Go! Do what you want! Don’t come back!” he shouted.

However, Kristan didn’t flinch. It was as if he had been to used to this kind of treatment. “Alright, I’ll come back. Don’t worry, I won’t leave you.” Then he hugged his Father’s hips.

You looked away, unable to watch the scene unfolding before your eyes. It would seem as if Hendery couldn’t take it in himself, for your eyes crossed as he looks away, too.

“Take care and be good. I love you, Father.” Kristan turned his back against his Father. He smileed at you and took your hand. You held his hand tightly and spared his Father one last look.

He turned his back the same time his tear slid down his face. You swallowed the lump in your throat before bowing slightly as a goodbye.

iv. He suffered under Pontius Pilate, was crucified, died, and was buried…

Pandemic and poverty, it truly was a wonder how Hendery survived such dreadful times. Perhaps there was really a god, lurking somewhere, ready to grant the wishes of the people during those awful times.

Yet as far as Hendery was concerned, nobody prayed for him when the pandemic striked him. Right, this lanky seven-year-old’s suffering didn’t end after he found out about his mother’s adultery.

At first, Hendery brushed off the heaviness of his eyelids together with his parched throat as a common sickness. He never told his mother or father about it, for the fear that it might fruit into something their financial stability won’t be able to answer for.

But then hours had gone by, with Hendery’s air passage slowly closing in on him. As if a boulder was placed right in on his lungs, demanding his life by choking him. Cough dry and head aching, Hendery twisted and turned on his bed, unable to think clearly. He felt as if he was dying— dying in the most horrible way possible.

Thereafter, he believed that he had gone in and out of consciousness, or perhaps it was only his vision going blurry from the ache his body was trying to fight off.

Hendery failed to recognize his father as he leaned to check his son. And he failed to recognize the feeling of being scooped up from the bed, with his father shouting for help as if his life depended on it.

Blotches of darkness swam in his line of sight. The cries of his mother as well as the panicked shouts of his father were muffled by his coughing.

Would this be the end? Was this the life the gods had planned out for him? To die young? To die without a fight? How do you accept this fate?

For once, he wanted to see the end of this pandemic. He wanted to witness the rainbow after this storm. For once, he yearned to see something beautiful. Just once.

Hendery fully succumbed to oblivion.

When he woke up, it was the white light that filled his vision. Was it heaven? Hendery tried to make sense of his surroundings, but no noise could be heard other than the beeping of machines around him.

His eyelids fluttered open completely. The ceiling to where his hospital bed was located flashed above him like a canvas of nothing but white. There was a tightness in his nose, and he realized that he was breathing through an apparatus.

Hendery tried to move his fingers. They were mobile, albeit frail. It’s the same with his feet. Perhaps it was the incessant ravaging of the cough against his lungs that made him sick to the bones. He would’ve thanked whoever there was to be thankful for, if not for the uncertainty that was still stretching out in front of him. The pandemic wasn’t a one-night killer. It would render you infirm for weeks— it’s only up to the doctors and your own antibodies if they won’t collapse and give up on you.

And Hendery’s feeble state, as well as his age, failed to give him much hope.

He would die, right there— alone. God has shunned him away. He refused to cry, since no amount of tears could appease the loneliness inside him.

Hendery closed his eyes again.

The second time he woke, the doctors were smiling in front of him. The nurses guided him out of his bed. They even helped him get dressed in new clothes. Baffled was an understatement for what he felt that day. Was he out of danger? Could he truly live now? With his mother and father once again?

For the first time since his life went downhill, Hendery smiled. There wasn’t a reason not to. If he could, he would jump from happiness. He did it. He survived.

Hendery excitedly roamed his eyes around him from the wheelchair, hoping to finally meet his parents after weeks of being separated from them. Yet no familiar faces greeted him when he reached the exit of the hospital.

A clawing feeling rested in his stomach, but he couldn’t afford to cave in his fear. Hendery remained smiling until a middle-aged woman stood before him.

“Are you Hendery?” she asked.

“Yes. I am,” Hendery answered without looking at the woman. He was busy searching for his parents.

“Thank you so much for taking care of my niece. I’ll forever be grateful for your service. I’ll take him from here,” the woman announced.

“Wait—” Hendery turned around to see the woman taking the wheelchair from the nurses. “Where’s my Mom? My Dad?”

“Hendery, I’ll explain once we reach the house,” his apparent aunt said.

Hendery pursed his lips together. “Is Mom and Dad—”

“Be quiet,” the woman said softly.

Hendery had been quiet thereafter.

Hendery looked up to see the stars in the skies. How pretty they truly were. He won’t blame those who wishes upon these twinkling white lights. But he would feel utterly stupid himself to whisper his dreams to these scintillating lights that would die later on.

Supernova, scientists call it. It is the dying of a star. It is its return to atoms, particles, or whatever shit there is in the universe even before matter and time took its place.

Hendery let the liquor grate his throat as he took yet another swig from his bottle. Liquor and unwanted memories? Sign him up. Deep conversations with himself? He might be heartless in the eyes of many, but Hendery knew how to contemplate things. Too bad that he didn’t have anyone to share his thoughts with.

“What on earth are you doing?”

Oh, perhaps there was.

Aghast by the fact that there were empty bottles littered all around him, you gazed at Hendery.

It had been a week since he arrived at the church, telling everyone that he wanted to be a sacristan. So far, so good. He was a fast-learner albeit not showing any interests when it came to talking about the Bible. You still had your doubts in the pockets of your skirts. And seeing him drinking himself right behind the structures of the Church only intensified your wariness.

But the boy faced you with a smile. “Drinking,” he answered with a shrug.

“I know you are drinking,” you seethed. “But why are you drinking?”

It was past six p.m. already. You had completed your duties to the Church, and had also tucked in Kristan to the sacristan’s quarters just below Father Ben’s own chamber.

“To let off some steam.”

You stomped towards him with your chest puffing out of irritation. “First, you smoke on your first day. Then you drink on your first week. What on earth is wrong with you, Hendery?”

“Why don’t you sit with me for a while?”

You flew your arms to the air. “You are unbelievable.”

Hendery leaned back. “Aren’t you curious about me?”

“I am—” You closed your mouth. The words slipped out before you knew it.

His smile only widened . “Father Ben’s secured in his chamber. There is no need to fret.” He motioned his head down the space beside him. “Sit.”

They said drunk men speak the most truth. If you could squeeze anything out of him by joining him tonight, you would. With a heavy heart, you sat beside Hendery. The acrid smell of the alcohol whiffed your nose like a whiplash instantly.

“Now,” he began. “Ask me anything you want.”

“Where are y—”

Hendery pressed a finger to your lips. “In one condition: drink.”

You swatted his hand away with a frown. “I’m going.” But before you could stand up, Hendery held your wrist.

“I’m kidding,” the boy said with a chuckle.

There. That smile. That chuckle.

“Seriously.” You sat comfortably again. “Where are you from?”

“The city,” he answered. “I was born in the city. It’s all I’ve ever known ever since.”

“The pandemic hit the city hardest,” you commented. It was true, though. Because of their lifestyle and opulence, the pandemic moved way faster in the city compared to the villages.

“Yes, it did,” he whispered before downing the last gulp from his bottle. Hendery burped softly before tossing the empty bottle to the grass.

“One, two, three, four—” You scrunched your nose. “Five bottles. Now tell me, where did you get these?” you asked, pertaining to the liquor.

Hendery looked at you as if you beguile him to the fullest. “Convenience store. You have it here.”

You shot up a brow. “And you decided it best to consume them here? In the Church?”

“If it wasn’t obvious, yes.”

“I don’t have anything against you, smoking and drinking, but we shall set a good example to the children.”

Hendery quirked a brow. “Do you think smoking and drinking are bad examples?”

“Personally? No.” It was true. You didn’t think they were bad examples. It was always the person. But the church-goers were mostly children. They still don’t have the capacity to balance the right and the wrong for their age. Eventually, they would know. However, it was your duty to protect their innocent minds as best you could. “But there are children here. We must guide them.”

“They’ll learn to smoke later on.” He shrugged.

You hummed. “That, we aren’t sure of. Until then, let’s guide them first.”

“You’re truly devoted to being a sacristan, aren’t you?” Hendery asked, his head looking up to the skies.

You watched him in silence. His side profile was undeniably beautiful. You have never seen such soft features, to be honest. “Yes, I am.”

“Is that your dream?”

You tilted your head up to see the skies yourself. The stars were sprinkled like white sands against the darkness of the heavens. You smiled. “I have a lot of dreams, though. Like the stars above, they are somewhat implausible.”

It was his turn to look at you. If he was to be honest, Hendery found your face marvelous. He had never seen your likeness in the city. “Why do you say that?”

Perhaps someone would find it funny that you were opening yourself up to this boy. A boy you just met one week ago. However, there was a space in your heart that tells you it’s alright to tell Hendery all your dreams and worries, your aspirations and your doubts. Strangers couldn’t judge you.

You sigh. “I am… stuck here. I’ve never been anywhere else but here.”

“Not even in the city?”

You shake your head.

Hendery hums. “Well, it’s not really different. If not, it’s worse.” He chuckles. “Everyone lives as if it’s the end of the world tomorrow.”

“Isn’t that wonderful?” You hugged your knees closer to your chests. “I’ve always wanted to experience a night like that.”

Hendery snorted. “It gets tiring. And it’s not really convenient when you don’t have the money.”

“For what? Can’t you enjoy without it?”

He strayed his eyes towards you. There was a spark of amusement dancing in his orbs. As if he found your question fascinating. “You can’t. What about drugs? Alcohol? Cigarettes? You can’t buy those without money.”

Oh. Of course. Hendery’s talking about parties. He looked like that kind of boy at first glance. Yet upon hearing his snorts and the dissent on his face, you have realized that perhaps both of you were yearning for something you weren’t been born to reach. You, the city. Him, the peace of the countryside.

“I wasn’t talking about those,” you said. Hendery fixed you with a curious look. “I’m talking about the city lights above the rooftops. The blare of the cars. The life outside this town.”

Hendery threw his head back, contorting the tattoo on the side of his neck, and laughed softly. “Of course.” His laughters ceased, like smoke slowly dissipating into the air. “But there is more to that.”

You stood up and smoothed out your skirt. “Perhaps.”

“Don’t you want more?”

With that, you looked down at him to flash him a small smile. “I’ve always wanted more. Perhaps there is more to the world than this little town. Perhaps I deserve to see it one day.”

Hendery didn’t break eye contact when he said the words, “There are millions of possibilities if you’d only dare.”

In which you didn’t have any answer for.

v. He descended to the dead. On the third day, He rose again…

Hendery waited. For hours, days, months, but he’d never seen his parents again.

The roof above him and the floors underneath his feet were a place he had never seen before. Wherever he looked, the unfamiliarity of everything would hit him like a tidal wave. From the couches to the television, to the doorframe and the windowsills, no one could deny that this house had seen better days.

Hendery sleeps in a cot of hard wood that leaves his back aching every morning. He eats in a kitchen with mice crawling in the corners and cockroaches flying in different directions. Nevertheless, there was food and somehow it was all that matters.

What happened to his Mom and Dad? Hendery was left with puzzles of an answer himself. After he survived the pandemic, he was met with yet another obstacle: orphanhood.

His aunt, Lilia, said that his father died. He died because of the pandemic, too. Hendery wept for days on end, refusing to believe what had befell his loving father. But as Lilia showed him the death certificate, Hendery’s world collapsed to shreds. That had been the time when he felt utterly alone, with no one to guide him and no one to tuck him in his sleep but the coldness of the world and the loneliness of the night.

His mother— no one knows what happened to her. They say she was in an asylum. They say what had betided her husband and son shattered her mind. Hendery tried to gather information. He tried to ask his aunt about his mother’s whereabouts. But whenever he does, he’s met with a slap on the cheek.

Aunt Lilia was a kind woman— she really was. But there had been times when she would talk to no one in the windows, or would cry with unknown reasons on the kitchen floors. Sometimes, she would sing lullabies to help Hendery sleep. Sometimes, she would whip him until he was crying and begging for help.

No one saved him.

One day, when Aunt Lilia was fast asleep and snoring on her couch, Hendery tiptoed to the door. It’s time for him to leave this godforsaken place. It’s time that he finds his mother. He was twelve years old.

According to the doctors themselves, you become immune to the pandemic once it has already hit you. Hendery braved the pandemic with a single mask and a little bottle of alcohol. And for months, he would live in the streets.

You sang your favorite song while walking. It was eight p.m., the road was almost empty, save for a few workers going home to your village. Fortunately, it didn’t rain tonight so there were no need for umbrellas and tiptoeing through the mud.

Hendery remained in the Church, to do what, you hadn’t bothered to ask. He offered to take you home, but you politely declined. After a series of convincing Hendery that you were going to be fine on your own, his shoulders finally slumped in approval. Your mother would collapse on the ground if she ever sees you riding Hendery’s motorbike.

You didn’t take him for a gentleman. However, there were still a lot of things you didn’t know about the boy. After your conversation with him on the grasses, perhaps he’s allowed you to slip through his visions, even just for a little bit.

As you neared towards your house, elders and children alike scattering around your street drew you in a halt. What is happening? A bad feeling rested in your stomach, but you sent a silent prayer that it wasn’t what you were thinking about.

Your mother was also one of the villagers out, so you sauntered straight towards her with your forehead drawn in a crease. “What’s happening, Mom?”

Her lips were pulled in a tight frown. “Bandits!” she seethed, as if the word had been the cruelest of all curses. “They took Loira’s money that she hid under the dresser.”

“How? Are bandits that skilled?”

As far as you could tell, Aunt Loira’s home was barred from ceiling to floor. She doesn’t go out of the house without locking all the possible holes that bandits might slip through.

“Evil knows no bounds,” your mother once again spat. “Yes, they are that skilled and heartless nowadays.”

The village chieftain as well as the other tanods circle Aunt Loira’s home with their lamps and flashlights. But you’d doubted that they would acquire evidence. Bandits had been pillaging your village as well as the neighboring ones for years. No one could ell what they look like. However, some elders think that the men from Kristan’s village were the ones responsible for the robbery.

“But Aunt Loira literally bars her whole house whenever she leaves for the market, right?”

Your mother made a strange noise through her nose. “She forgot to lock her back door when she left earlier.” Then she wrapped a hand around your wrist. “Come, the food’s getting colder.”

With one last look at Aunt Loira’s house, you let your mother lead you away from the mayhem.

You have been a victim of the bandits yourselves. Once, when you were ten years old. And it had been of your own fault. Father and Mother went to the market that day, and being the only daughter that you were, you had no one to play with whenever they were away. So you hopped out of bed, with your morning glory still stuck in your eyes and hair like the nest of birds, you hadn’t bothered to lock your house and flew straight to your childhood friends.

When you came back home, Mother was frowning at you. She would’ve had you whipped if not for your father, who kindly stood between you and your mother’s diabolical punishments. The money from the old refrigerator was stolen. It was the money for the renovation of your own room. Because of its looting, you still stare at the blotches of rainwater on your canopy every night until now, praying that it won’t collapse on you.

As you lay on your bed, silent contemplations ravaged your mind: the conversation with Hendery, the bandits, your unattainable dreams— are they though?

You have always dreamed of traveling the world. See the wonders of it for yourself. But how could you do that if you have been stuck here ever since? You have no idea what the city looks like. Mother said you were born in the city, but before the lockdown had taken place over the whole country, Mother went back to this village. Apparently, the isolated places were safer during the pandemic.

The pandemic has been over for five years now. Surely, there was more to life than this quiet town, right? You love this village with all your heart. However, you feel as if there were a lot more waiting for you out there. As Hendery said, there were millions of possibilities if you’d only dare.

Dare. What an audacious word. It made you feel dauntless just saying it.

You sat up and stared at the view outside your windows. What could truly happen if you dares the world? What could happen if you step your foot out of this town and dare?

vi. He ascended into Heaven, sits at the right hand of God, the Father Almighty…

“He’s not from here,” the other boys whispered.

Hendery continued ransacking the trash cans under the bridge. It had been exactly two weeks since he escaped Aunt Lilia’s hell house. And he wasn’t fairing well. The coins he stole from Aunt Lilia’s dresser were beginning to sound nothing in his pockets despite the fact that water was all his body consumed ever since escaping.

They say you could survive without food, but you wouldn’t survive without water. So he drank and drank until his stomach became bloated. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner, Hendery would buy at least one bottle of water with the stolen money and would consume it for two days. Sounds impossible for other people, but Hendery made it to two weeks of not fainting on the ground by that.

“He looks like he’s from here, though,” the other boy commented.

Hendery paid them no heed, for he found a bag of chips in the trash. It tasted like ashes in his mouth, but he couldn’t complain. He’d never complain.

Hendery fished for yet another chip when the boys snatched the bag away from him. They sneered. At long last, Hendery looked at them. And they were exactly like a mirror of him. Greasy hair, acrid smell, tattered clothes— and that something in their eyes: despair.

“Where are you from, boy?” One of them asked.

Boy? He didn’t look older than Hendery. However similar their situations might be, he had no time to linger around them. He needed to find his mother. So he turned his back and walked away. Not even a few steps ahead, someone grabbed his shoulder and spun him around. The boy smirked before landing a blow at his nose.

Hendery staggered backwards, aghast and angry at the same time. He touched his nose, and found it bleeding. Fueled by hunger and lost and a shit ton of problems, Hendery let his backpack fall to the ground and charged towards the boy.

They rolled off the ground. Hendery had him by the collar, and all the boy did was to choke. If no one would intrude, Hendery could surely kill him. But when they rolled once more and Hendery got on the boy’s stomach, he raised a fist only for someone to wrap a viselike grip around his wrist.

Hendery shot him a glare, but he answered him with a kind smile. That was when he noticed there were at least five of them there. Six, if Hendery was to count himself.

“There is no need for us to kill each other,” the boy said. “Stand up.”

Hesitant, Hendery wriggled free before standing on his feet. Once again, he turned on his heel to walk away.

“Why are you leaving?” the boy asked. “We have food here. And a shelter for the night.”

That sounded like a dream. Hendery had never heard of that for two weeks. Not even experienced any of that. Still, he didn’t turn.

“I promise we won’t harm you.”

He continued to walk away. If Hendery had come to a realization, it was that he could survive on his own. He’d experienced a lot of shit already being with people.

“We can help you!” the boy shouted.

With that, Hendery gripped the straps of his backpack tightly. He didn’t know if it was out of luck, or the boy really hit something that made his consciousness stir. If Hendery wanted to find his mother, it’d be better to have companions he could rely on.

He turned to face the boys again. “Really?” he shouted back.

They looked at one another before trodding the distance towards Hendery. The taller man stretched out his hand, with a smile he said, “I’m Kun.”

Hendery stared at the hand before taking it. “Hendery.”

“We can help you,” Kun said. “In one condition.”

You stared at your reflection on the mirror. The glass had a lot of brown blotches because of its age. But your reflection could still be seen.

Another day, another walk, another face to greet.

It’s Sunday already. The third Sunday of the month. You once believed that if people would pray day and night in the churches and in their houses, the bad things crawling in the world would somehow lessen. You were mistaken.

Bandits, bandits, bandits. They were everywhere these days. Mother even refused to go to the market in fear of being robbed. That left you with no choice but to go on your own. How? You exactly have no idea.

It was always best to visit the market at dawn, for the vegetables and meats were still fresh. You could still buy something after noon, but it won’t be as worth the money as they were in the gloaming. And the bandits had left yet another fiendish mess at Uncle Gino’s house. Your mother had been a cursing mess for hours since they stole a precious heirloom from Uncle’s treasure chest.

You sighed. Why is your village always prone to bandits? It wasn’t as if your chieftain never does anything for it, if not, he’s hands-on searching for the robbers. With no luck at all. Bandits disappeara like a bubble everytime they come close to capturing them.

At the church, everyone else was busy when you arrived. Save for one person; Hendery. He was leaning on the door frame of the sacristan’s quarter, watching everyone pass by him.

“Why aren’t you doing anything?” you asked when you reached him.

“Ah, my dearest Y/N,” he sighed. “How I’ve missed you dearly.”

You deadpanned. “We met yesterday, Hendery.”

“Then? Am I not allowed to miss you?” He raised a brow.

You compressed your lips in a tight line. Three weeks since the boy arrived and in some way you have found a common ground together: talking about your dreams. Well, it’s you who’s always doing the talking. While he listened and snorted whenever he disagrees with you. It had been somewhat challenging, having someone disagree with you.

“Let’s go,” you sighed. “The mass is about to start.”

Thankfully, he was already donned in his white robes. No matter how holy the color might be, it failed to make him one. If not, it had only intensified the danger lurking within him.

Hendery yawned all throughout the mass, resulting in you nudging his ribs with your elbow. You couldn’t still comprehend his goal for joining the church. He seemed disinterested about everything. You have to find out his true intentions or else you will lose your mind thinking.

And it was not right to think about anything but the Lord while the mass is going on.

“Our Father, Who art in Heaven…” The churchgoers starts to sing. They clasped their hands as if in prayer while singing. Father Ben already practiced the right way in singing the litany. No one holds hand any longer.

You clasped your own hand. “Holy be Thy Name— what are you doing?” In bafflement and shock, you hissed louder than what you intended to.

Hendery took your right hand to clasped with his left. He didn’t answer you, though. He kept on looking straight at the altar. “Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done…” he started to sing along.

Flustered on where you stand, you roamed your eyes around you. Lucy and Rei were busy singing their hymns, oblivious to the way Hendery was breaking Father Ben’s rule.

You tried to wriggle free, but his grip was viselike. It’s disrupting the mass for you. With a heavy intake of breath, you let it go. “On Earth as it is in Heaven…” you sang along.

When he heard you, Hendery slackened his hold. You looked at him the same time he looked at you. And there he was, smiling like an idiot. “Give us this day, our daily bread…” he sang as he focused on the altar again.

You blinked, heart doing somersaults inside your chest. “And forgive us our trespasses…” you sang.

Everything had come at once. The echoes of the singing churchgoers, as well as Hendery’s.

“As we forgive those who trespass against us…”

The beating of your heart was wild. For what reasons? You have no idea. It was just there, beating stubbornly inside your ribcage.

“And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil…”

After the mass, and when all the churchgoers finished asking for Father Ben’s blessings and advice, he gathered all the sacristan inside the church.

You sat between Rei and Lucy, while Hendery sat behind you. He still has that infuriating smile on his face. Truth be told, and no matter how hard you tried, you also smiled a little yourself.

“I’ve heard the concerns of the people,” Father Ben announced. “For years, we have faced the bandits.”

You straightened up. In his own ways, Father Ben had been a huge help for the people. You won’t call him rich, but he’s always ready to lend money to those who fell to the bandits’ wrongdoings. You have seen his treasure chest once, and you believe you had been the only one allowed to see it.

“As much as I would like to financially aid everyone, my coffers couldn’t hold everything,” he added.

Lucy intruded, “It is alright Father. You’ve been helping us since you came here in the village. And for that we are thankful. But you need not bother yourself for our problems.”

Father Ben smiled. “I am the priest of this town. I need to preserve peace just like the chieftain. It’s been a pleasure to help with my own ways.”

You cleared your throat. “How can we help, Father?”

“Ah, yes.” Father Ben placed his hands behind him. “I need you to be vigilant. Not only for your own sakes, but for the well-being of others, too. Help in your own little ways. Be it helping the townspeople pick the strongest barriers there is in the market, they’d appreciate that. I trust you all. And don’t forget to pray for your village and the neighboring ones, too.” Father Ben makes a cross in the air. “May God bless us all.”

“Amen,” you said in unison.

Father Ben returned behind the altar to check up on Kristan, more likely. As for the little boy, he was comfortable, he said. His father also tried to visit him, but found it hard to face his son. Kristan said it’s fine, and that his father deserved time to think.

You stood up together with the other sacristan with a sigh. Bandits are such headaches. It gets tiring having to deal with them. It feels as if dealing with the wind. Invisible. And there was yet another headache you have to face: going to the market.

If you were lucky, you could reach the market at one p.m.. But vehicles during this time of the day were rare. Not to mention the village was isolated.

“Penny for your thoughts?” Hendery asked as he stood in front of you.

You sighed a pensive one. He’s your third headache of the day. “Please, Hendery. I’m thinking.” You started to walk away, but he followed beside you.

“Perhaps I can help.”

You drew in a halt. Mayhaps it was a blessing in disguise— him. Hendery has a motorbike. You’d get there and come back on time if you would ride with him. But courage was a luxury you couldn’t afford, so you shun the thoughts.

“No, I’m fine. Thank you.”

“Are you sure?”

Your tongue ached to say the words. And your body yearned to feel the wind on your face, too. It was not everyday that a chance opens up like this in front of you. Dare.

You straightened your shoulders. “Can you take me to the market?” The market isn’t as far as the city. But going in there is a once-in-a-blue-moon opportunity you couldn’t afford to miss. It was a step, no matter how small.

Hendery raised a brow. “What business do you have in the market?”

You played with your lower lip with your teeth. A fleet of a moment, and a moment you had surely missed: the way Hendery looked at your lips when you rolled it between your teeth. “Well,” you said, “I need to buy some food. And mother wouldn’t leave the house in fear of bandits robbing us.”

“Understandable,” he said. “But I have a condition to make.”

“Forget it—”

“Kidding.” Then he laughed. “You are one hell of a heartless woman, do you know that?”

A ghost of a smile painted your lips. “It is not right to say ‘hell’ inside the church. And why do you say that?”

“What about my wage?”

You blinked. “Oh, I— I didn’t bring any extra cash—”

Hendery placed his hand on the top of your head. “I’m just kidding.” Then he pivoted on his heel, his keys dangling between his fingers.

You followed.

“I thought you didn’t have a helmet.” You shot up a brow to your forehead upon seeing one helmet resting on his accelerator.

Hendery shrugged. “It’s for you.”

And there it wasagain, the wild beating of your heart. As if it was an animal begging to be unleashed to the world. “That’s… kind of you.” That had been the only thing you were able to say. “But how did you know to bring one?”

He disentangled the helmet from the accelerator. “Because I am always waiting for you.”

“For me? What do you mean?”

“I’m always waiting for you to ask me to take you to the city.”

Without giving you any time to comprehend his words and form coherent answers, Hendery fixed the helmet to your head. But before he could fully lock it under your chin, you stopped his hands.

“I think I’ll prefer to feel the wind.”

Hendery smiled, but continued to lock the helmet nevertheless. “Not today. I drive relatively fast, and the road to the market’s pretty bumpy. You won’t enjoy it.”

“I appreciate you, bringing this, but—”

He tapped the head of the helmet. “No buts.”

Hendery climbed his motorbike, then nudged his head to invite you to hop in. Just like the last time, you pulled up your skits and climb behind him. He revved the engine and you rode together.

The feel of riding behind him had become a reflex inside your body. A peaceful one, despite the blare of his engine and the harsh slap of the wind on your face.

“Hold on,” he reminded you before he accelerated the engine yet again.

You wrapped your arms around his torso. This was the second time you rode a motorbike, but the feeling compared to last time has drastically changed. There was no fear now. Only fascination and curiosity of what lies behind everything you have ever known.

If you’d only dare.

An hour before the clock strikes two, you have finally reached the buzz of the market.

When the pandemic ended, the livelihood didn’t go back automatically to normal. There were millions of protocols and reminders from the government. Because the pandemic didn’t really disappear like a bubble in the air. It was there, still. But after the years of its ravaging, the human body slowly adapted to its hazards.

It became just like the flu. More dangerous, yes. But less hazardous now.

“Wait for me here,” you said to Hendery.

“I’ll come with you.”

You stopped. “Are you sure? It’s quite chaotic inside. And… city boys are city boys.”

A playful laugh resonated from him. “I’ve been here before, sacristan. I’ll be fine.”

When he said that he’d be fine, it was true. Hendery jumped from vendor to vendor to help you buy all your needs. Be it meat, poultry, vegetables, or fruits. Father’s coming home in two days after weeks of being away, so Mother wants to cook something special for him. And you, too.

“Is this all?” he asked when you finished. Hendery insisted on carrying everything, which you politely declined. But he didn’t stop bugging you about it until you gave up and handed him everything.

“I need to buy onions over there, across the street. Could you hold this for me? I’ll be quick.”

Hendery nodded. You fished for your wallet inside your pocket. Halfway across the street, someone bumped into you.

“I… I’m sorry,” you said. But the man ignored you as he continued to walk away.

Five steps ahead, you noticed something. Your wallet was stolen. Before you could shout, Hendery was running for the boy already. Shocked and confused, you did the first thing that occured to your mind; run for them.

The wallet didn’t have much money, but it was given by your mother on your birthday. And you have been utterly sentimental when it comes to gifts. The boy can take the money, but he needs to give back your wallet.

Hendery ran pretty fast that you almost lost him in the maze of people and stalls alike. He turned left. You pulled up your heavy skirts and follow him. When you finally reached the alleyway he’s run off to, you have found out that it was a dead end.

Hendery was sitting on the boy’s stomach, and he had him by the throat. Few steps away from them, your wallet lays on the ground. You gulped and sauntered up to the two boys.

“What the fuck are you doing, Hendery?”

He knew Hendery? How come?

“Dude, you need to let me g—”

Hendery punched him straight. You gasped. The boy’s eyes rolled before his head collapsed to the ground. And he was unconscious.

Hendery stood up and picked your wallet. He didn’t look at you when he handed it back. “Let’s go home,” he says.

You stared at the boy with your brows narrowing. Is he a bandit? How did he know Hendery? Gripping the wallet tightly, you pivoted on your heels and walked away.

Something wasn’t right.

vii. From thence He shall come to judge the living and the dead...

“I say I beat the shit out of him right now,” Xiaojun seethed upon seeing Hendery enter the room.

Kun, while sitting on the table, raised a hand to stop the other boy from attacking Hendery. He had always been like that; the middle man. Yet Hendery could sense the disappointment as well as the inquisition in the air. This is going to be one hell of a night.

“Sit,” Kun announced as he stretched out his hand to the empty chair on his left side.

Xiaojun, Hendery’s comrade, had his fist clenched while sitting on the window sill. The punch he landed on his face has left a contusion to the bone right below his eyes. Hendery didn’t feel sorry. Not even a little bit.

Kun’s ‘office’ had been stripped off any furniture saved for a table and two chairs. There was only one light hanging from the ceiling. It casted off an orange hue to everything it touches.

If Hendery spends so much as an hour here, he would lose his mind. However, Kun has managed to make this empty place his abode whenever he plans out another robbery or crime. It was comparatively fitting, if he was to be honest.

When Hendery had made himself comfortable on his seat, Kun stood up. “I’ve heard entertaining news today.” He smiled. It would come off as a kind one if you were looking in the surface, but Hendery knew the depths of the edges of that smile.

Nevertheless, Hendery hasn’t been the one to be scared of anything. “Is it about me…” Hendery strays his eyes towards Xiaojun. “Punching someone?” The smile he casted after had completely set his comrade’s blood on fire.

Xiaojun jumped, attempting to attack Hendery once more. Kun gripped his arm in a firm hold. Xiaojun slouched back on the other chair, panting heavily.

“You’re fucking dead to me, Wong,” he spat.

Hendery leaned closer. “Bring it on.”

“Shut the fuck up, you both,” Kun sighed while massaging his temples. “Or just go ahead and get your guns, shoot each other in the head and be done with it.”

Tempting was the offer, but Hendery took it as a warning. However, it had been pretty effective. Hendery leaned back to his chair, hands dangling on his sides. “What’s the matter?”

Kun chuckleed. “You.” He licked his lips while pointing his finger at Hendery. “You’re really something else, aren’t you?”

“Well—” Hendery stumbleed and fell from the chair. That, he hadn’t seen coming. Kun had always been strong when it comes to boxing someone’s ears. Before Hendery could stand up, he spat blood on the cold floor.

Hendery wipeed his mouth with the back of his hand. It was his turn to chuckle. “I really am.”

Kun wrapped his hand around Hendery’s collar, then he slammed his back against the wall. Sight obscured because of of the hair falling down his eyelids, Hendery felt the blood flowing from the side of his mouth to his chin.

“Why did you do it?” Kun asked.

“What did I—” Hendery fell to the ground as his face met Kun’s fist. His vision blurs, causing him to blink languidly. Perhaps he heard Xiaojun’s laughters, or his sniggers, he wasn’t sure.

Hendery felt like a sack of cotton as Kun hurled him up with his back collar. His back was against the wall again. Now, he feels two warm liquid flowing from the sides of his mouth.

“Why did you do it?”

His mouth twisted in a leer. “None of your business.”

Hendery’s stomach caved in as Kun landed a punch to his guts. Air left his lungs for a moment, and he found it extremely hard to breathe. Hendery had always hated being punched in the stomach.

As he tried to catch his breath, he watched as Kun’s feet started to pace the space in front of him. Hendery continues to blink. Then Kun crouched.

“Who is she?”

She. Hendery stared at Kun. The years of them together flashed in his eyes like a projector in a wide white screen: the day he met his gang of bandits, his first time holding a gun, robbing a store, and shooting someone plays right in his eyes like a movie on repeat.

“None of you fuckers are going anywhere near her,” he stated in a voice so cold even the demon stared back at him in horror.

Kun was silent for a moment. Eyes hard staring at Hendery. Then he asked, “What the fuck is happening to you?”

Hendery realized that he had no answer to the question. But the thought of you, falling in danger feels like rotten food in his stomach. It made him want to retch.

Nobody had seen it coming, that was for sure. This feeling inside him— this wriggling feeling whenever he was with you. Whenever you smile at him. Whenever you tell him your dreams.

Hendery stood up and looked straight at Kun and then at Xiaojun. “Don’t fucking dare,” he warned before he pivoted on his heel.

Two steps away, Kun stated, “I’ll let you swim in your foolishness but don’t fuck this up, Hen. Remember why I sent you to the church.”

Hendery waved his hand. “I remember.”

He’d gone straight to his own room and tended for his own wound. Hendery sat on his bed, meditating over his actions earlier.

For years he had been one of Kun’s best bandit. Ever since he met him under the bridge. Xiaojun landed his fist straight to his nose that day, too. And that had been all Hendery had known. To fight, to survive. Even if it means licking the edge of the knife.

The time Kun handed him a gun, Hendery knew his hands trembled. For that he missed his first aim. But as the days went by that all he’d ever held was a bullet, a magazine, and a gun, Hendery became as sharp as a pointed knife when it came to mowing down.

He stared at his calloused hand. The rough palms stares back at him, as if in insult. He’s lost count of the stores he’s robbed. Of the houses he’d stolen from. Of the individuals he pointed the barrel of the gun at. Is this what he has been born to do?

All he ever wanted was to meet his mother again. To hold that hateful woman in his arms. To tell her that her son survived and there has been an aching hole inside him ever since she disappeared without a trace.

Years of searching for nothing, Hendery thought he’s already turned every stone in this country upside down searching for his lost mother. And it all went in vain.

Hendery doesn’t know who to blame: the pandemic, his mother, or his own self?

You chewed on your bottom lip while walking the long road towards your home. The scene from the market, and the robbery that had taken place refused to leave your mind. You sigh, since those weren’t the only things trying to penetrate your brain. Hendery refused to leave, too.

Perhaps you should be thankful that he somewhat saved your money earlier. Bandits are heartless. The boy could’ve been carrying a pocket knife and Hendery would’ve been in grave danger. Yet he braved the possible risks and ran for the boy nonetheless. Worries aside, you cannot help but feel perturbed of the way the bandit called Hendery’s name.

Are they related? If yes, how?

Before entering your house, you straightened your back. Mother senses even a slip of your composure, and she’d never let you go unless you tell her what’s wrong.

You raised your fist to knock, then a familiar face greeted you when the door swung open suddenly. The bags you have been holding fell as you squealed and jumped to hug your father. “Father!” you exclaim.

He laughed as he wraps his arms around you. “My baby girl,” he chuckled.

“Dad!” you retorted, but laughed nonetheless. There is time for that endearment. “When did you arrive?” you asked as both of you pulled away.

“Earlier,” he saied as he muffled your hair. “I didn’t tell your mom, either.” As he said that, Mother occured from the kitchen with a spatula in hand.

“Time for dinner,” she announced with a smile.

Ah, that rare smile from her lips. Father was the only living thing who could pull up the edges of her mouth like that. It was refreshing to behold.

Father picked up the bags from the ground. “You carried all these by yourself?” he asked.

You automatically flustered. The image of Hendery carrying all you have bought earlier flashing back in your head without permission. “Y… yeah.”

It wasn’t as if they are illiberal when it comes to boys. But it was a topic you haven’t discussed with any of them yet.

“Hm, we really ought to buy a motorcycle, don’t you think?”

You turned to face him. “It would be convenie—”

“Who would drive? Me?” Mother interrupted. “Our daughter?”

Father placed the bags onto the kitchen counter. “Yes. Y/N is a fast-learner. She could defini—”

“I’m sorry but it is a no.” Mother smiled again, but there was an edge to it. “It is inappropriate for a lady to drive—”

“Who says?” you groaned. “It’s 2040, Mother.”

Mother crossed her arms over her chests. “And where would you go once you learn how to drive?”

You pursed your lips. Saying the word would only extend the argument. But it needs to be heard. “Perhaps then I could go to the city—”

“What?!” she exclaimed.

“... and study,” you finished.

Father cleared his throat. “That’s a good idea, actually.” He turned his head towards Mother. “Don’t you think?”

Mother made out an incredulous noise from her nose. “No, I don’t think so. The city is still contaminated with the virus and hedonism. There is no way I’m letting you—”

“Develop on my own?” you asked.

It had always been an argument: your dreams. And Mother always says no to every step you’d attempt to achieve them. You loved her dearly. But sometimes, you couldn’t help but feel a little annoyed of her decisions when it comes to your life. You were an adult— a capable adult. And yet you felt as if someone had clipped your wings before you could fly. It hurts to know that that someone was your own mother.

“Y/N!” she hissed, her eyebrows knitted together.

Father held up his hands. “There is no need for us to raise our voices. We can discuss this in peace,” he said.

But Mother wouldn’t back down. “There would be no discussion. I won’t allow it.” Then she turned on her back to finish preparing the food.

You looked down at the floor, eyes suddenly breaming with tears. This conversation had never failed to put you to misery.

“Cheer up,” Father whispered. “We’ll find a way.”

No. You will.

The next day, you couldn’t help but frown upon your reflection in the mirror. Same robes, same skirts, same hairstyle. There was nothing new.

You loved being a sacristan. You have devoted yourself in serving God and His Son, Jesus Christ. You have never missed a mass. It was a part of your life that won’t ever disappear. But duty and dream aren’t the same thing.

You have your duty to God, that you diligently and wholeheartedly accomplished for the last few years. But there was your dream, hanging like a blank canvas on the wall of your bedroom.

The village was your serenity. But the city holds everything that you have ever wanted.

Dare.

You harshly brushed your hair and fix your robe. The bones under your skin are unstoppable. You only have to dare. So with a deep intake of breath, you departed your bedroom, kissed both your parents’ cheek, and ran towards the Church. Where everything was going to happen.

Seeing Hendery casually sipping on his cigarette while leaning on the tree has put your rushing feet in a halt.

This boy. Always so alluring, always so mysterious, always so stubborn.

Hendery remained staring at the ground when you sauntered up to him. It would feel as if you were back on the day you first met him. When he exuded such obscurity that you found him irritatingly blurry yet interesting.

What happened yesterday still lingers in the back of your mind. Perhaps you should talk to him about it to quench your interest. “Hey,” you greeted.

When he looked up, you covered your mouth with your hands in utter stupefaction. “What happened to you?!” you blurted out.

There were purple patches on the bone underneath his right eye and another on the side of his lips. Did the bandit get back to him yesterday? The thought made your stomach lurched.

“You look devastated,” Hendery commented.

You blinked. It was him who looked like an absolute wreck right now. How could he tell you that? “No. You are.”

“You are.” Hendery toucheed your chin to lift up your face. You let him. “See? It’s missing,” he said while staring at you.

His stare made you nervous. But you couldn’t look away. “What is?”

Hendery let his hand fall before he answers, “The fire in your eyes.”

The fire in your eyes. For the second time, you blink at him. You were a lover of poetry. Hearing this boy talk as if he had the verses of the universe in his tongue perhaps set your heart in a panic.

Sad eyes, bad guys, and a mouthful of verselet. You once thought someone like him won’t sweep you on your feet. Knowing that you were mistaken has left a bittersweet taste in your tongue. It was, indeed, beautiful to feel this way. This feeling you have for Hendery was a flower beginning to turn into a fruit. So fragile, yet so heavenly.

Would it be ready for the plucking?

You gulped. “Did the bandit get back to you yesterday?”

“This is nothing,” he said. “I found myself in a brawl yesternight. Nothing for you to worry about.”

You raised a brow. “I am not worried.”

That was his cue to laugh before puffing his cigarette again. “One hell of a heartless woman.”

“I am not heartless.”

Hendery looked affronted. “Really? Prove it, then.”

“Prove it?” You let out an incredulous sound. Then you crossed your arms over your chests. “How?”

“Admire me back.” He tossed his cigarette bud away. “Simple as that.”

Admire me back. You gaped at him, unable to form lucid words. What was that? Did he really ask you to admire him… back? “Is that…” you paused, “Is that a confession?”

Hendery placed the tip of his pointer finger against your forehead. Then he pushed lightly. However, he didn’t answer, he only walked past you. “You’re pretty unique,” he added. “I like your fire.”

“Wait!”

You ran for him. You have no idea what it was, but talking to Hendery has stirred the emotion you once felt earlier before leaving the house. The extreme drive to do something you haven’t done before and prove your mother that you are worthy of being left alone with your decisions.

Hendery turned to you. “What? Have you reciprocated my feelings alr—”

“Take me to the city,” you panted.

His smile grew wider. And the stars in his eyes shone, rivaling the blare of the sunlight above. “That’s better.”

viii. And His Kingdom would have no end…

A month ago, you would never have imagined yourself going out of the village. But here you wee, riding with a boy you only met four weeks ago, in his black and shiny motorcycle that was like a much safer version of a Harley. However, it didn’t lessen the agitation in your heart.

After years since you were born, this would be your first time to see the world beyond your village. You didn’t expect it to be beautiful. Since a global pandemic has swept through the continents twenty years ago. But you could say it was something you didn’t expect to behold either.

Copse of trees became a blur of brown and green as Hendery picks up the pace. There was nothing to see but the unending stretch of tall grasses and trees and the isolated road ahead. There weren’t even streetlights to guide you back later.

The wind slapped your face, with it the grimy feeling of running at 60 kilometers per/hour, and sniffing Hendery’s virile scent.

Hendery sure drives like the road was his and he’s alone in the world.

For this adventure, you refused to wear any helmet at all. It took minutes of disagreement, but Hendery had come in peace with it. If this was the first time you were riding towards the city— a place as strange to you as anything in the world— you wanted to caress it with your whole body. After all, this was an event more special than your own birthday.

As Hendery revved the engine faster, your grip on his torso tightened. Nonetheless, you bite your tongue to stop the squeal that was threatening to come out of your mouth. You will brave this ride. And there was nothing that would stop you from relishing this feeling.

All your trust and all your hopes of a safe travel were in Hendery’s hands today. And if you were to be honest, a sliver of doubt still flows in your veins. It has to be normal for a village girl to feel this way. Hendery could be infuriating at times, and he sure has this mysterious secret in his eyes, but he’s never done you anything hideous. Or perhaps you were only a naive girl, too blinded by ambitions and the overflowing courage in your heart, that you walked right into the devil’s trap.

You sent a silent prayer to God to guide you safely despite breaking the rules of your parents.

Slowly, the copse of trees became an expanse of water. Then you were traveling on a bridge, with a river below you. Busses, cars, and motorcycles alike run along the bridge, adding much to your adrenaline. You couldn’t remember the last time you have seen a bus. Perhaps it was when the students from the city took a trip to your village.

You turned your head to see the water. Few birds were flying as well as diving into the water to catch some fish. The wind coming from it was briny and sticky. But you loved it nonetheless.

Then the tall buildings loomed ahead, at the edge of the bridge. You cannot help but gape at it. How isolated have you become to marvel at tall buildings? Embarrassed as you were, you didn’t let it douse out your excitement.

Hendery slowed down as you meet the highway. On the pavements there walked the passersby. Some were hurrying, some were jogging with their dogs. Inside the coffee shops were lovers laughing while sipping on their drinks.

Despite the pandemic, the city felt alive. It thrummed with an energy you haven’t experienced before. It made you feel dizzy with excitement.

“It’s two p.m.,” Hendery stated before parking his motorcycle in a dead alley.

You hopped off. “Won’t you get in trouble parking here?” you asked, roaming your eyes around the two buildings covering the alleyway. In the village, there would be no problem parking your car wherever. But as far as you were concerned, city policies were different.

Hendery snickered. “Nobody would dare.”

By that, you raised a brow. “What do you mean?”

He sighed. “Nevermind.” Then he faced you with a smile. “Where do you wanna go?”

You deadpanned. “I’m not from here. You’re supposed to show me around.”

He feigned laughters. “Oh yes, I almost forgot. But—” Hendery raised his pointer finger as if in warning. “May I warn you that I’m not a ferris wheel type of guy.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“I’m adrenaline embodiment.” Then he grabbed your shoulder softly and guided you towards the buzz of people.

As you walked with Hendery on the side streets, you looked up to the sky. It was gray but bright nonetheless. The type of weather wherein you wouldn’t know if it would rain or the clouds were only keeping the sun away.

Different honk of cars resonated everywhere, with the giggles of students as they walk home. There were teenagers sitting on the narrow alleyway, their clothes black and their pants ripped. You regarded them with narrowed brows. Then the two teenagers kissed.

“Oh,” you gasped as you cover your eyes. It felt private, albeit the fact that they were kissing in a public place.

Hendery chuckled. “That’s like, level 0.1 of the things that happens there.”

Before you could ask him what did he mean for the nth time that day, Hendery held your hand and tugged you. “See that sign up there?”

He stood extremely close to yours. Strands of his hair flew towards the sides of your face. You gulped before following his pointer finger with your eyes. He was pointing at the sign across the street. It was surrounded by different types of people, but students dominated the whole entrance. Above their heads was a huge sign board that says ‘Wonderland’.

“Yeah.” You nodded your head. “What is it about?”

“It’s a circus,” Hendery said as he turned to look at your face, “Last to arrive pays for the tickets. Deal?”

“Wha— wait! That’s not fair!” you shouted when he bolts away.

Hendery took a look at you while laughing. His hair obscuring his eyes. “Run!”

You exhaled sharply before gathering your skirts and running towards him. As your shoulders slammed to different bodies, you shout apologies on your wake. If this was a normal day, you would have to stopped and say your apologies with a bow. But this wasn’t a normal day. And Hendery didn’t even bother to stop even if he had to push students out of his way.

However, he drew in a halt as a little girl suddenly appears from a boutique. Hendery was still ahead of you by five steps, but because of the circumstances, you tapped his shoulder and run past him.

At last, it was time for you to cross the streets. The streetlight says red. You muttered, “Green, green, gree—”

“Didn’t take you for a… runner,” Hendery breathed with his hands on the sides of his waists as he stood beside you.

You ignored him. Then the lights went green. You stormed away from him, dodging the elders crossing the street. Hendery laughed behind you. And he was extremely close.

With one last force of a leg, you jumped the one meter distance from the pavement to the entrance line of the circus. “I won!” you shouted in triumph.

Hendery shook his head, disbelief visible in his face. “This is unbelievable,” he muttered.

“A ticket for two,” you taunted, displaying two fingers in front of him. “The deal is the deal.”

Hendery sighed and fished for his pocket. Perspiration trickled down your back as you follow Hendery towards the ticket booth. After he received the tickets, he handed you his kerchief. “For your sweat.”

You immediately raised your hands. “Oh, no! It’s okay!”

Hendery tilted his head to the side. “You are sweltering like a waterfall. Here, let me,” he said before pulling you and patting the kerchief to your forehead.

You looked away blinking, unable to form words as you felt the fabric pressing softly on your skin. As if you were a thin, breakable glass he feared that might break if he wasn’t careful. “Thanks,” you whispered when Hendery finally folded back the kerchief to his back pockets.

Both of you turned and faced the entrance of the circus.

The door opened, revealing two little person wearing brightly colored jumpers. Their faces were made up to copy the image of a clown. Both of their heads look up, then they scrunched their noses, clearly irritated of a customer.

“Come in,” they blabbered in unison.

You looked at Hendery. He had that same smile on his face when he walked through the turnstile.

The hallway that displayed itself in front of you were made of corrugated roof ceiling and walls. You felt as if you were in a box.

Different posters of performers adorned the corrugated roof walls. There is the two little person, on their jumpsuits, balancing themselves on a large ball. At your right side, there is the image of a mermaid. Of course, circus such as this one would have a fake mermaid. Then there is an image of a man playing with fire.

You cannot help but stare in awe. You have a knowledge of circuses since you have read books and watched movies to have a distinct image of it in your mind. However, you haven’t really experienced one.

Hendery walked beside you, not bothering to see the posters plastered on the wall. That gave you a hint that maybe he has been in Wonderland already. He was born here in the city after all.

“How many times have you been here?” you decided to ask, voice echoing through the hallway.

“Too many times to count.”

The two little person opened another door. You gaped in astonishment as you take in the picture of the whole circus. Lambent lights hung in different trees, giving the whole area a soft glow.

There wre families resting under the trees and students hopping to different food carts to another. It was a whole new world in the middle of the city. And it was so lively that you feel the energy thrumming in your veins.

Hendery stared. Not at the circus, but at you. Pure amazement adorned your face. And perhaps your eyes twinkled brighter than the lights, too. Hendery couldn’t help but smile. It was somewhat fulfilling taking in your expression. He took you for a woman difficult to impress. Yet he was mistaken. There was that glow in you that he hasn’t seen before in anyone else’s eyes.

And for the first time in twenty years, Hendery has seen the rainbow he was waiting for. It wasn’t in the end of the pandemic. It’s in you.

When you craned your neck to look at him, Hendery blinked and looked away, his heart thudding madly inside his chest.

He couldn’t believe it. This feeling. For someone as sinful as him, Hendery had never expected to feel this type of… fondness.

“I thought you weren’t a ‘ferris wheel’ guy?” You lifted a brow while quoting the air.

The ferris wheel was located at the very corner of the circus’ vicinity. As if on cue, Hendery’s childhood memories weaved their way back to his mind. The laughters of his father and his own giggles whenever they would ride the said ferris wheel.

After seconds of being taciturn, Hendery answered, “I’m not.”

“Really?” you teased. “You needn’t deny it!”

Hendery placed a hand above your head and ruffled your hair. “Come, I’ll show you around.” Then he stretched his hand to you.

Clearly flustered, you stared at his outstretched hand for a minute. You wrapped your hand with his. Taking his hand felt as if a manifold of experiences in itself, but it was thrilling nonetheless.

Both of you entered the tent where the mermaid perfoms. Of course, she was fake. But the craftmanship of her tail almost made you doubt your own eyes. It was simply marvelous.

Next that you visited was the fire-breathing man. The thing was, he was extremely talented and… cute. However, when you mentioned it to Hendery, his amazement deterred and he pulled you out of the tent.

Now you stood in front of a food cart, trying to pick between corndog or fries. You chose fries with lemon iced-tea. Hendery preferred the former.

“We need to go home,” you said while looking up at the sky. There wasn’t any brightness in the heavens any more, only darkness. The stars were hidden in the clouds, which give an ominous sign that it might rain.

And you couldn’t afford to rain. Your mother would go nuts. But then you thought how you have already defied her. Might as well enjoy the night, right? You heaved a sigh. No. You have to go home.

“Yes,” Hendery sighed. He was looking at the heavens, too.

Contemplative of the adventure you have experienced today, you looked at Hendery. Four weeks ago, you have resented his presence in the church because of your own preconceptions. But if this boy beside you didn’t arrive, you wouldn’t have the courage to defy your mother and finally go to the city.

In spite of everything, the saying proves true— that someone could go rebellious if ensnared for a long time. Yes, it was not pleasant to flout parents, but this freedom… you almost felt like a bird with its wings spread wider.

Hendery shifted, then he turned to face you. “Just one last destination.” He spoke the word with a certain anticipation. How could you deny him the chance?

Then you departed the circus.

“Is this safe?” you asked Hendery while you climbed the stairs of an unknown building near the alleyway where he parked his motorcycle.

“Yeah,” Hendery hummed. “This seems empty but trust me, this could be a party place.”

When he said that, you noticed the littered cigarettes in the corners. There were candy wrappers… and some rubber that you had no name for.

“This place is creepy,” you announce when you reach the last set of stairs.

Hendery’s laugh echoed through the empty place. “It’s not,” he said before pushing open a door that leads somewhere.

“A rooftop,” you stated as a-matter-of-factly. Your boots made a clocking noise against the pavement as you walk towards the railings. You stared in awe as different lights from the stores below twinkled like fireflies.

The darkness intensified the colors of everything. The city wasn’t perfect, but was beautiful at this time of the day. With the wind softly nuzzling your face, you breathed a sigh of relief at everything.

“This is beautiful,” you said in utter adoration.

Hendery leaned and grabbed the railings. His floppy hair dancing with the wind, once again falling down his eyelids. “It is,” he breathed.

At the horizon, some far away land stared at you, probably wondering of your unfamiliar face, too. There were mountains and there were also lights flickering from it. The sky was a darker shade of magenta turning black. It’s a pity that there were no stars to grace the heavens.

“Thank you, Hendery,” you whispered.

Hendery looked at you, a smile adorning his lips. “For you.”

Your shoulders brushed against each other, sending your heart into a marathon again. Then you sighed a heartful one. “I want to live here.”

“Really? This was only a façade, though. Bad things crawls out in this city.”

Bad things. There were bad things all around the world, though. “In the village, too,” you muttered, “Bandits. Everywhere.”

“Yeah. Bandits,” he repeated with the same contemptuous voice.

“What do you like most about this city?” you decided to ask. He’s from here. And he won’t stay if he doesn’t find anything beautiful here, right?

Hendery’s eyes were looking at the horizon while he answered, “My…” Then you notice the curvature of his throat as he gulped. “The memories of my family.”

Something inside you insisted to ask him further. So you opened your mouth to speak. “Where are they?”

Hendery displayed a painful smile before a chuckle resonated through him. “My dad died because of the pandemic, and my mom… she’s missing.”

You tasted something bitter in your mouth by the revelation. You shouldn’t have asked. Then you placed a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s okay.” The boy tried to smile when he looked at you. But an old pain still sparked in his eyes.

People tend to say it’s okay even when it’s not. You supposed it’s one of the ways for them to cope. Instead of forcing Hendery, you tried to smile for him, too.

“And your mother.” You cleared your throat. “Just ask me if you need any help.”

“Thank yo—” Hendery’s words were interrupted by the large pitter patters of the rain.

You gasped and shielded your head. Hendery does the same. Then the both of you run towards the building. The ravaging of the rainfall could be heard against the ceilings. It was the sound that pierces the ears. And you were afraid that it’s not going to stop any sooner.

“We have to go home,” you said while biting your nail.

“We can’t,” Hendery pronounced with a shrug.

You sighed deeply, forcing your knees to stand still. “My mother would kill me.”

Even though there was absolute dread to the words, you couldn’t feel any regret. You would’ve done it all over again if given the chance.

“You can call her,” Hendery suggested. “There’s a payphone down the next block.”

She would go absolutely unhinged once she knew about your whereabouts. But you have to at least tell her. Or lie about it. There was no other choice.

You mentally memorized your mother’s cellphone number. She has one, to contact father whenever he’s away. But she barely uses it.

“Let’s go,” you said.

While descending the stairs of the abandoned building, you thought about ways on how to dodge your mother’s possible questions. Lying has left a burning sensation in your chests. But it was the only way. And if it would somehow save you from the doom of being whip to shreds, you’d gladly do it.

Hendery offers you his leather jacket to use as an umbrella. You would have refused, but the rain was falling heavily. You cover your head before running.

When you reached the payphone, Hendery was drenched from head to toe. Due to some miracle that you couldn’t describe yourself, your corsage remained dry.

You delved for a coin inside your pockets and slid it with shaky fingers. Trying to squeeze himself inside the payphone, Hendery stoof mere inches away from you. Your chests too close to each other. Flustered, you focused on the phone still ringing against your ear instead of your bodies’ proximity.

You heard the click of the phone from the other line then the sound of your mother’s voice. “Hello?” she answered.

Running a damp hand through your hair, you gulped and said, “Mom, it’s Y/N.”

“Y/N?” You could see her eyebrow raising in your mind. And that made you even more agitated. Mother wasn’t easily convinced. You would need to slid through a needle’s hole if you ever wish to successfully lie to her.

“Yes, Mom. I’m here— at—” You bit your thumbnail as you realize that you cannot truly deceive her.

“Where are you?” she asked, “Why is it so loud in there?”

Shoot. The harsh sound of the rain was, of course, loud. And it probably wasn’t raining that hard to the village or not at all. You needed to think.

“Mom— I— I have an errand to run for Father Ben,” you lied. “And… well… I am in the market. And—” You take a deep breath. “I don’t think I would be able to come home tonight—”

“What?” she said with a voice louder than the rain. “What errand? And why aren’t you coming home?”

“Mother, it’s strictly confidential!” You added just enough panic to your voice to make your deceit more convincing. “And Father Ben told me not to tell anyone—”

“Well, I am your mother so I deserve—”

“Hello? Mother? Mom? I can’t hear you!”

“Y/N—”

“Alright, Mother. I’ll take care! I’ll see you tomorrow!”

You dropped the phone immediately, not letting your mother say a word any more. Drawing ragged breaths, you let your back rest on the cold glass encasing the payphone. Then a laughter seized your attention. It was Hendery.

Baffled, you raised a brow. “What’s funny?” you asked, but you had a feeling that you know the answer to your own question. He found it amusing, your panicked conversation with your mother.

Hendery tried to shrug despite his laughter. “I just find it amusing,” he says as his glee receded. You glared at him, but the boy only pointed his finger right in front of your nose. “Now, quit being so strung up.”

“I am not,” your affronted reply. But he was right, your stomach was still tied in knots after the conversation. It was as if your mother would appear in front of you out of nowhere.

You looked at your surroundings. The buildings still towers over you. The road was drenched with rainwater and it didn’t seem to stop any time soon.

“Where do we sleep?” you asked Hendery, embarassed of the realization that you have no idea about the city and where you were supposed to sleep now that you were stuck in an unfamiliar place.

“‘We’?” he teased, “That sounds nice—”

“Hendery!” You hit his arm lightly, eliciting yet another fits of laughter from him.

“I know some place,” he said, “Don’t worry.”

You shrugged. “Well, aside from the fact that I wasn’t from here... and it’s my first time venturing to the city— yeah,” you sighed, “I really shouldn’t worry.”

He seemed not to sense the sarcasm lying within your words for he placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “You’ve got me. I won’t let anyone harm you, alright?”

Ah, the vulnerability in a rather cold façade. It’s marvelous to behold. You couldn’t help but smile. Romance books were true, after all. Once an aloof boy shows some affection, it really feels like lying in a field of cotton.

“You have to promise,” you said. Hendery opened his mouth to speak his oath, but you offered him your pinky finger instead. “Lock it.”

Hendery stared at your hand for a good minute before exhaling a ruminative sigh. Then he placed his pinky finger against yours. The both of you entwined your finger in a lock.

“Ah,” he sighsd at the sight of your coiled fingers, “You really are something else.”

If he was talking about the pinkies, you weren’t so sure how did he consider it something else. It was probably childish, yes, but on other spectrum of things, children rarely lies. That somehow strengthened his promise; the childishness yet purity of it all.

“Yes,” you said, a bit proud of the compliment, “I really am.”

You were in an unknown place, hugging the torso of a boy as you rode with him on his motorcycle. The lights of the cars the only lambency there is in an isolated road.

It should bother you— this unfamiliarity clinging in your bones. But all you could feel was the burning sensation of thrill as it flows in your veins; this strange freedom.

The night was a cacophony of rainwater splashing to everything it touches. With your body pressed against Hendery’s back, both of you braved the unforgiving rain. It was surely the night that would go down to your own history.

“Where are we going?” you asked, giving way too little acknowledgement to your soaked clothes and clattering teeth.

A new empty alleyway greeted you as Hendery turned left with his engine the only noise in the dead of the night. White street lights flicker as he slows down, then you come to a halt in front of an empty gasoline station.

Irradiant glow of pink and orange LED lights adorned the signage plastered above the store. At the sides of the vicinity, rows of motel rooms could be seen. Hendery killed the engine, then both of you hop off his motorcycle.

“Wait! I... I don’t have the money—” you tried to argue, but the boy only flashes you his most beautiful smile.

Still smiling, Hendery held your hand and you both ran to the columns of motel rooms. He roamed his eyes everywhere. When he saw no one, Hendery tugged you softly towards the stairs up to the second floor.

Now, there was no light adorning the second floor of the motel. But the glow of the moonlight casted its illumination towards the place, making a slanted shadow on the walls.

“How do we—”

Hendery turned to you and quickly placed a finger to your lips. “Shh,” he shushed.

There was something about the glint in his eyes that made you agitated and even excited. If both were possible to feel at the same time. Mischief oozes its way out of his body as Hendery pulls a piece of a metallic wire from his pockets. He, then, curled the wire with his fingers. Once done, Hendery inserted the wire to the doorknob.

“Hend—”

For the third time, he cut you off. “Trust me.”

In his eyes, something stirred. You caught a glint of it because of the moon. Hendery knows what he was doing, and it looks as if he’s done this a million times already.

You pressed your mouth in a thin line. Rubbing your hands against the skin of your arms, you look around while Hendery works his wonders to the door.

505, that was the number plastered above the doorframe. The room number.

Within a few minutes, there was a click. Then the door opened in front of you to reveal a typical motel room.

There was a bed near the blinds, then a bedside table. A 1960’s model of RCA television sat at the edge of the mattress, with a single ottoman beside it. The room had also been illuminated by a single deep yellow bulb.

It was 2040. Whatever remnants of 2020 remains, it doesn’t look like this. Motel rooms were a thing eighty years ago. However, you couldn’t complain. You have been wanting to sleep in a room such as this one. People can call you hopeless romantic, but that was the truth. There was a certain vintage love surrounding motel rooms which you yearned to experience yourself.

You looked at Hendery, who was currently standing beside you with a rascal grin on his lips. He was definitely proud of what he did. Notwithstanding of the circumstances, and of the fact that you have just sneaked into a private property, you couldn’t help but grin yourself.

This was way out of the rules of being a sacristan. And you would get a whole mass worth of scolding if Father Ben knew about your adventures today. Despite all of that, you couldn’t help but feel a swell of happiness and pride in doing what you did today.

“I assume this isn’t paid?” You raised a brow.

Hendery shook his head with a small chuckle. “Obviously.”

“Aren’t we gonna get in trouble doing all... this?” you asked him, voice laced with skepticism. Bold as you were, the thought of going behind bars in an unknown place still gives your heart a little bit of a jolt.

“We’re already in trouble,” Hendery said nonchalantly, “Might as well enjoy it.” He placed his hand on your shoulders as he searched for your eyes. “Besides, this doesn’t happen all the time.”

You stared at the depths of his orbs. There seemed to be a permanent mark of roguishness dancing in his eyes that you only notice now.

What devilment in an angelic face. Bemusing as it was, you loved it. This Hendery.

“To me,” you said, “But you’re from here. And from

the looks of it, you’ve done this a million times before.”

Hendery’s shoulder shook from his laughter. He laughed so much for someone with sad eyes. “Yes. I won’t deny it. But this isn’t for me, though. This adventure is for you.”

It’s funny how a stranger could give you all you have ever wanted in a single day. By that alone, you knew that you would forever be grateful of this boy in front of you.

“Thank you,” you whispered, “So much, Hendery.”

You didn’t know what it was, but Hendery lost his composure as his mouth gaped open a little bit. The sincerity of your voice moved him and made his knees weak.

This has been the first time he heard the words from someone. All he had known were the frightened prayers every time he would point a gun to someone, the muffled cries, the tear stained cheeks. It’s his first time to see sincerity to someone else’s eyes that was meant for him.

Perhaps you have seen it, too— the perplexity in his expression, the slight glitch of his demeanor. And it made your heart happy to see that you have affected him as much as he has affected you.

Hendery leaned closer, his face utterly close that you could make up your reflection in his eyes by the dim light of the light bulb.

He gulped, you did too.

It would deem as if no one amongst you had the experience of this... intimacy. No one had come close to your defenses but him. It rattled your bones underneath. And perhaps the world stilled when your lips met his.

It’s exactly like those in a romantic movie. It wasn’f rash, it wasn’t blistery. It’s soft... it’s heavenly. The kiss would compare to cotton touching another cotton. Both of your eyes were still open as you tried to savor the kiss. You were still thunderstruck beyond comprehension, but your lips were glued to his and there seemed no turning back. Not that you’d like too, anyways.

Hendery cupped your cheeks with his hands and pressed his lips against yours. You closed your eyes. In the blink of a moment, the kiss went wild. Now you would compare it to a sea under a storm. Raging and unforgivable.

You hadn’t noticed how your back had come into contact with the bed. But the surprisingly soft mattress hugged your back as Hendery lays you down slowly.

Your heart had its own business thudding harmoniously wild inside your chest with the kiss.

Hendery pulled away. You felt your plump lips and his had been red, too. With a second of eye contact, Hendery leaned and kissed you again. With the same fervor, with the same hunger.

Your hand shot up to his hair. The sound of someone kissing and your attempts to catch your breaths against the kiss, the only thing that could be heard inside 505.

His hands started to roam your body. His touches were like that of devotees; careful, with little prayers in every friction.

Lips a mere inch from each other, Hendery whispered with a raspy tone. “May I?”

You were here, and you were ready to do whatever this kissing ends up to. So you nodded.

He smiled while the moonlight caressed half of his face.

Then he brought his fingers to the laces of your corsages. With deft motion of a hand, Hendery pulled, the laces had come free, opening your collar bones and upper chests for him to see. The reveal of the skin made your breath hitch.

Hendery brought his fingers to the open skin, then he trailed— slowly, oh so slowly— downwards. As if your skin was Braille.

He kissed you. He whispered his confession in your ears. He touched you like he longed for you. He cried your name in a euphoric bliss.

That night, you weren’t a sacristan. You were a saint. Worshipped by a boy with the devil in his eyes.

But nobody— not even the moonlight slipping through the windows — told you about the doom that awaits your blooming love.

It was past four in the morning when you wake up. The room was dark, with the heavy light from the skies illuminating the floors through the blinds.

Hendery lied on the bed beside you. The light casted parallel lines on his bare chests and stomach. While you laid on your side, your hands between your thighs and a smile on your lips.

Hendery leaned to trace your shoulder up to your cheek, sending goosebumps down your back. Then he whispered the words, “You’re so beautiful.”

You would’ve hit him with a jest, but your breath seems to clogged in your throat. Pure words for someone with jagged edges. Then you suddenly noticed his tattoo. You still didn’t know what that meant. So you reached out your hand and traced his skin.

“What does your tattoo means?” You asked him.

Hendery held your hand that was tracing his tattoo when he answered. “Survive. To live.”

ix. I believe in the Holy Spirit...

“You really don’t have to, Hendery,” you timidly stated.

Hendery sighed, but his smile never disappeared. “You know I won’t let you go, right?”

It’s six a.m., the both of you have already finished donning your clothes. Some parts of the fabrics were still sodden, but nevertheless wearable. You picked up a lone thread from your skirt before standing up and facing the window. The dream was finished, and you needed to wake up now.

A sigh went past your lips as you stared at the horizon displayed before your eyes. You weren’t sure when you would experience this kind of freedom again, so it was better to seize the remaining moments of not being trapped into a cage that was your own house by taking in the view of a small part of the city.

Hendery stood beside you, his eyes far away. “How do you feel?” he asked.

A sudden heat crept up in your cheeks by the question. The unbidden imagery of last night threaded its way back in your mind. Did you regret doing it with Hendery? Not one bit. Some might call you stupid for falling in a love supported by unspoken promises and confessions, but the union with Hendery have made you feel whole somehow. Like you were in the skies, and the stars were about your reach.

He made you feel powerful. He made you feel worthy of devotion. He made you feel utterly you. No inhibitions, no pretense.

The honesty slid smoothly from your lips. “I feel incredible,” you answered. You turned sideways to face him. Hendery’s face was ethereal in the night, especially when his lips were parted, sweats trickling down his face. But as the early light of the morning hit his features, you couldn’t believe that he could even be this more beautiful.

“How about you?” you managed to ask.

A chuckle. Your heart made the familiar jump at the sound. “I’ve never felt this happy for years.” And it was the truth. Hendery thought that the money and power a banditry offers would give completion in his life somehow, that it would serve as stitches for his tattered life. But as he recalled everything that has happened since he met you, he might be stupid, but he knew real happiness when it’s staring back at him in the wee hours of the morning.

He would’ve bottled the sound of your pleas and your cries if he would, he would’ve kept your laughters in a treasure chest buried someplace else he only knew, he would’ve given you everything and anything— and perhaps he did— if he could. As he stared at your face, so goddamned innocent and peaceful, Hendery knew one thing: you would break him into pieces, and he would let you.

A smile painted your lips, erasing the agitation of what this new day would bring. “I wouldn’t have experienced all of this if not for you,” you told him.

Hendery laughed. “You wouldn’t have experienced all of this if you didn’t dare.”

That was him: the beam that was supporting your life. He’s never failed to make you feel as if you could do everything despite the odds.

Your smile widened. “But now we have to go back.”

“Yeah, unfortunately—” Hendery’s words were cut off by the sound of the bedroom door clicking.

Your eyes widened, but he kept a cool façade. Then it swung open, revealing a middle-aged man carrying a broomstick and a dustpan. His forehead creased as he saw you standing near the window, then realization hit him. “Who are you?!” he shouted.

Hendery gripped your hand, then he dashed for the door, pulling you behind him. The helper was too dumbstruck to even say a thing again, let alone stop you from sprinting away. Hendery was laughing all the way down the stairs, while your forehead was coated with little beads of sweat.

When you reached his motorcycle, Hendery let go of your clammy hand. “That was... incredible!” he gleefully stated.

You tried to catch your breath by gulping large bouts of air. “That was scary!” you told him after steadying your breath.

Hendery fished for his keys from the back pocket of his jeans while still laughing. “Sacristan girls,”

he muttered teasingly.

Rolling your eyes heavenwards, you crossed your arms over your chests. “You don’t have to be a sacristan to know what’s scary or not.”

Once again, the roar of the innkeeper echoed across the gasoline station, bringing you on a hurry to climb Hendery’s motorcycle. With a chuckle, he ignited the engine and revved through the day.

The city was deserted early in the morning. And it was undeniably dull. The paint from different buildings were chipped, and they could really use a renovation. You were baffled at how you didn’t notice the dullness yesterday. Perhaps it was your excitement getting the best of you. Humdrum as it was, this city would forever hold a special place in your heart, along with the man you have traveled here with.

The ride back home was enveloped in utter silence, not that you could hear each other over the loud blare of the motorcycle’s engine. And as you neared to the village, your heart couldn’t help but thud abnormally inside your chests. You felt as if your throat was constricting, air passage clogging. It would deem as if there was an apocalypse waiting for you back home.

No. You have to trust your intuitions, no matter how indistinguishable it was. Your mother knew you were safe, there wasn’t anything to fret about.

But you knew better than to calm down. Your father was a lot easier to convince than your mother, you let your heart loosen up by that fact, even just a little bit.

With the empty and bumpy road ahead of you, the familiar stillness of the village welcomed you back home. A sense of familiarity splashed on you at the sight of tall trees and green meadows. This has been what you have known all your life, you were coming back to it after a night of pretermitting.

“Stop right there,” you said in a voice so low even you had a hard time hearing the words.

Hendery knew that you would never allow him to be seen in the village, much worse with you. But after last night, a slight stab in his heart bloomed at the thought of you, not being able to introduce him to your parents just because he rides a shiny-black motorcycle.

And as if you heard his thoughts, you cleared your throat before Hendery could kill the engine on the side road. “Or... you could take me home.”

It was stupid. Imbecilic. A voice inside your head whispered that it was a bad idea, but upon seeing how Hendery’s lips turned to a smile by looking at the side mirror, all your fear had been vanquished. Suddenly, you were ready to face the world again.

Your grip on his shirt tightened as you entered the village. It was mid-morning. There were a few elders fanning themselves in their verandas under the blistering weather. They squinted at the sight of you, a sudden contempt in their lips which they conveyed as a frown.

“Turn left,” you mumbled, praying that he heard you just right.

By the silence that was unusual of Hendery to exude, you have contemplated that maybe he was nervous, too. The thought made you slightly giddy and anxious at the same time. You have never brought a man home. Not even introduce a boy friend to your parents. Just when you thought that last night would be a history of your own, this morning has proved you wrong.

Your stomach was empty, but you felt like retching in the bushes as Hendery stopped the engine in front of your house. Mother was tending to her flowers when you hopped off the motorcycle. Father was nowhere to be found.

You looked at Hendery before sauntering towards your mother. The rustle of your feet against the grasses garnered her attention. She looked up to see you, then to the boy beside you.

You walked up towards her to kiss her cheek. Mother stood still as your lips made a friction against her skin. She was looking straight at Hendery, who had a polite smile on his face.

You cleared your throat. “Mother, this is Hendery.”

Hendery stretched out his hand to your mother. “Hendery Wong, pleased to meet you.”

Mother stared at his outstretched hand for seconds. Your knees started to wobble. Then Mother took Hendery’s hand. “I’ll prepare the food,” she said, the tone unfathomable.

When she attempted to leave, Hendery quickly raised his arms as if to stop your mother. “It’s fine, Mrs. I just dropped Y/N off.” He looked at you and nodded his head. “See you at the Church, Y/N,” he said.

Your lips coiled in a frown. The atmosphere was thick, and there was no doubt Hendery felt it. Your mother could’ve been warmer in greeting him, but you knew better than anyone else than to force the time when it obviously wasn’t ready.

With a tone of both reluctance and slight disappointment, you mumbled, “See you.”

He nodded one last time before turning his back and getting on his motorcycle.

The same time Hendery revved the engine once more, your father went out of the house with a glass of cold water in hand. “What’s that about?” he asked.

The garden shovel your mother was holding was dropped as she focused her attention towards you. You braced yourself for the imminent storm that was coming. And there it was, in a voice so loud even the houses nearby grew hairs and got goosebumps, your mother cried out, “What on earth are you thinking?!”

Father sipped on his water, his brows arching above the rim. There was no accusation in his eyes, only interest and confusion.

“What do you mean, Mother?” You tried to make your voice sound strong, but it came out as a breathy question.

“What do I mean?!” she roared. “Where were you last night? Tell me the truth.”

Truth be spoken, you were utterly rebellious to neglect your mother last night. But the wanting to experience something greater for once has overcome all your senses. Was it really abhorrent to experience such freedom?

You could feel your veins popping up your temple. Your breath was becoming ragged. And the stubbornness that was trying to envelope you didn’t help. It felt like a bomb ready to explode at any given moment.

“Where have you been—”

“The city!” you screamed back. “I went to the city with Hendery!”

Mother looked at you with a tormented face. From the way her mouth hung open with her eyes almost bulging out of their sockets, you could tell that she’s beyond horrified by the revelation.

“How dare you?” she whispered, “How dare you lie to me?”

Father was on her side instantly, laying a gentle hand on her back. “We all need to calm down—”

“Calm down?!” Mother turned to face him. “You’d expect me to calm down when my own daughter defied me?”

You bit your lower lip. What was the big deal? What the fuss was all about? It wasn’t as if you didn’t come home. Here you were, safe and sound.

“I’m sure Y/N could explain herself, right?” Father raised an encouraging brow at you. His lack of judgement pierced your heart with a throb.

“Yeah,” Mother said with enough scorn to make you recoil. “Let her narrate everything!”

You tried to catch your breath before forcing your face to look up to your parents. “What’s so wrong about going to the city?”

“Oh, you are one naive girl,” Mother stated as she made noises in her nose. “You could’ve been infected! You could’ve brought danger into this home!”

“Mother!” you hissed. “The pandemic has already disappeared! I want to live a normal life now!”

Mother looked at you as if you weren’t her daughter but a mere stranger she’s picked a fight with. “Why are you so foolish and stubborn?”

“Why can’t you let me live my life?” you retorted.

“That’s enough,” Father warned with a commanding tone. His jaw was pulled taut. One more push and the three of you would burn right where you stood because of vexation.

Mother heed no warning for she continued to look at you as if she was contemplating to push you back to her womb. “I’m keeping you safe.”

“Safe?” You could almost laugh. “I don’t want safe.” I want freedom. I want danger. I want the sin. I want the rush.

“That’s enough talking back, Y/N. Return to your room and change,” Father commanded.

Mother’s lips were compressed in a tight line. You’ve expected her to say something, but no words were heard from her as Father guided her back to the house.

You were left alone in the garden, with your neighbors peeking at their fences to catch gossips.

You wish this world had been a little bit forgiving, a little bit welcoming for boys like him. He wasn’t cruel. He was kind... he was protective. And he was a tether to the dreams that you tried so hard to achieve. Without Hendery— the only person who believed that you were meant for greater things— you wouldn’t know what to make of your life anymore. Sure, you would get back on your feet. But you would never want to feel alone in the battle again. You didn’t want to start empty again. And you would never wish to be parted from Hendery. Ever.

x. The Holy Catholic Church…

“Oh, look who’s finally arrived,” Kun uttered with a shit-eating grin as Hendery appeared in the abandoned building Kun made a rendezvous in the outskirts of the town.

For weeks, they stayed and made their camp here. With Kun occupying the last and only good-conditioned room in the building. There, he’s beaten by Hendery for apparently mowing down Xiaojun’s jaw.

The grin Kun had on his face intrigued Hendery, but he wouldn’t let it show on his face. With inquisition was an annoyance Hendery didn’t know where he came from. It was just there, crawling on his skin. Perhaps it was his encounter with your mother, and the lack of warmth in her welcome.

But could he blame her? Not one bit. Hendery didn’t even think of meeting someone else’s parents and being introduced as a lover, but after getting chummy with you, his aspirations in life went a little higher than what he deserved. Hendery knew that it was a bad thing to be zealous, but that was what he had known after joining Kun’s banditry.

“What’s going on?” he asked, albeit not having the heart to inquire in the first place.

After a day and night with you, Hendery yearned for one thing: sleep. He just couldn’t close his eyes when you were lying on his side, with your peaceful face and soft snores. Hendery wanted to capture every moment, to memorize each line of your face, to be drowned in the serenity of the night.

His other comrades were nowhere to be found which was new. At this time of the day, all of them needed to report their sleuthing of a certain area assigned to them. Kun wanted to know everything.

Kun’s grin only widened. “How’s your job, Hen?”

Hendery ran a hand through his hair. “I’m still trying to make my way onto the priest’s chamber.”

Kun sat up on the swivel chair and placed his feet on the table laid before him. “If I’m not mistaken,” he started, “It’s been months since I sent you to the Church. And until now, you still don’t have anything useful to tell me.”

Hendery’s jaw twitched. He hated how he’s inclined to answer every Kun’s calls. And he had never felt this way before towards his work, that was if you could call banditry a job. He was always the best. That made him Kun’s favorite. But that was before he met you.

Meeting you really had changed most of his beliefs about life. He’s almost convinced to let go of his wretched ways and have a normal way of living— a life he could be proud of. And a life with you.

“Father Ben’s strict,” Hendery lied. The priest was as kind as a deer. If Hendery wished to enter his chamber, he’d gladly let him out of his trusting nature. And that would be the end as well as the start of everything. Hendery still wasn’t prepared to drop the new life he has, because that would mean he has to let you go, too. The mere thought made his stomach recoil.

“Strict?” Kun asked as he raised a playful brow. “But you’re my best asset, Hen. There is no ‘strict’ when it comes to you.”

If these were normal times, Hendery would’ve smirked by the compliment. But he knew what Kun meant. And he’s heard the warning even if it was unspoken.

Months ago, Hendery and Sicheng started searching for places to rob in the isolated villages near the local market. Until they had come across the Church. Upon their nightly visit and hawkshawing, Hendery found out that Father Ben has a golden necklace. The thing has become their target ever since. However, you wouldn’t see Father Ben taking the necklace off. Hendery won’t be able to steal it without violence.

He would’ve finished the work sooner than intended. Besides, he knew brutality like the back of his hand. It had become his armor through the years. And Father Ben didn’t hold a special place in his life, no matter how nonjudgmental the priest was. He could easily wrench the necklace away from his neck without any remorse. But he feared you.

The thought of failing you, of disappointing you, and of showing Hendery’s true colors to you has left his courage dwindling.

What cowardice. He would’ve punched himself unconscious if he could. Hendery wasn’t familiar to this kind of weakness, and he didn’t know how to deal with it.

Hendery shifted on his seat, shaking off the tension from his body. “The priest was surprisingly guarded,” he lied once more. Father Ben was as permeable as the Church itself. It was Hendery’s own choices that the work has slowed down.

Kun hummed. He withdrew something from his drawers. Picture, Hendery noticed, but he was too tired to even think about its connection to the current discussion. “Perhaps you need some boosters to help you do the work.” Then Kun slowly placed the picture flat on his table. Hendery couldn’t see the image well for he was leaning back on his seat. Kun waved his hand. “Look.”

He knitted his brows together. Whatever it was, Hendery had a bad feeling that once he leaned, there would be no turning back. Nevertheless, he didn’t have much choice, did he? So he leaned, like a good boy that he was, and stared at the image.

Hendery bit back the sound which tried to echo from him at what the image displayed. It was his mother. On a hospital bed, looking withered and close to death. She was too frail. Too weak.

Hendery swallowed a sob. “How...” He gulped a few times before willing himself to continue. “How did you find her?”

Should he be rejoicing? He should be happy, right? But why did he feel miserable now more than ever?

“I told you. I’ll help you find her,” Kun said.

Hendery kept looking at the picture, afraid that it might disappear if he blinked. “Where is she?”

Kun chuckled then stood up. Hendery fought the urge to grab him and punch his face. “You act as if you don’t know how to play this game, Wong.” Kun’s fingers grabbed the edge of the picture. He tucked it inside his pocket, his grin never leaving his face.

Hendery bit the insides of his cheeks. Of course, he knew how this game works. “I’ll bring you the necklace tomorrow.”

That night, Hendery washed away the sleep by downing cups of coffee. The liquid takes its root inside his system, pumping blood in a pace that would keep him awake.

He sat on his made-up bed, with a lamplight beside him, providing little to no warmth against the cold. With a white silky towel in hand, Hendery wiped his handgun. It had been a while since he last pulled the trigger. And the weight was dead in his hand.

Perhaps there was no more redemption left for his torn soul. Perhaps he was only fooling himself in believing that his life could be better. Perhaps he was glued to violence and not even you could save him from it. No matter how hard he tries to believe that you could.

xi. The communion of Saints. The forgiveness of sins…

A knock on your door woke you from your trance. You realized you were looking at your reflection on the mirror mindlessly.

“Come in,” you said, clearly indifferent to the possibility that it might be your mother standing and knocking on the other side of the door. But you knew better. She would never raise the white flag for her daughter.

With one last sweep of your hands along your robes, you waited for your father to finally enter. When he did, he went straight to the bed and sat. He’s cornered you, there was no escaping from it now.

“Spill it, Father,” you mumbled, trying to sound as friendly as possible. It was enough that you have stretched your mother’s irascibility. You didn’t need another enemy in this house.

“You do know why mother’s angry with you, right?” he asked. Before you could answer, he continued, “It’s not just about the fact that you went home with a boy. And that you went to the city without telling us.”

A sighed. Then you whirled to face him. “I don’t understand her need to be angry. I am safe. And if she’s talking about the pandemic... I am alright, Father.”

It was Father’s turn to sigh. “I don’t have anything against you going to the city. I know your dreams, your aspirations. But you must understand that your mother’s protective of you because she loves you. And the pandemic isn’t gone. It’s there, we just don’t see it now since its effects have died down.”

You looked out the window, feeling as if your tears might betray you anytime. “I just want to experience life.”

Father walked up to you and placed a reassuring hand on your shoulder. “I know. Hell, I want you to live life to the fullest, too. Have fun, have mistakes. Kiss boys. Be crazy. But it isn’t the time. Your mother’s still not ready.”

With tears brimming, you looked up to your father. “And when would she be?”

Father smiled his kindest one. “Soon, darling.”

—

Your walking towards the church was occupied with birds chirping in the branches, and flowers blossoming in the meadows. Perhaps it will be a bright day despite the darkness of yesterday.

Hendery never left your mind, even though you have a lot to think about. He was etched in your brain, like some sort of a tattoo you wouldn’t be able to erase. That made you think whether he was thinking about you, too.

You shrugged the thoughts away as you arrived at the Church. It was unusually silent when you arrived. At this time of day, the other sacristan should be running around and helping clean the surroundings. It didn’t settle well with you.

“Kristan!” you called out when you saw him running towards Father Ben’s chamber. Is the priest sick?

Kristan halted to wait for you. You huffed a breath as you laid your hand on his shoulder. “Where is everyone?”

The little boy bit the insides of his cheek. He didn’t meet your eyes when he said, “At Father Ben’s chamber.”

“What are they doing there? And what’s that for?” you asked, regarding the white and clean towel he was holding. Instead of answering, Kristan held your hand and pulled you towards the priest’s chamber.

The little bedroom was jam packed with the sacristans occupying most of the spaces. Father Ben was sitting on his rocking chair, with what you could tell was an ice-cube inside a clean towel being pressed on his left cheek by Lucy.

Your heart dropped to your stomach. “What happened here?” you asked particularly no one.

Father Ben winced. “I am alright, hija,” he said. But he looked nothing like that.

Lucy glared your way. Her eyes were full of accusations. “Hendery did this to him,” she practically spat out the words with venom.

Now you couldn’t even feel your heart anymore. Hendery did this? How? Why? Despite feeling numb, you stepped closer to Father Ben. “Hendery... did this?”

How... Why... Gods, why? Father Ben looked at Lucy’s way, then the latter pursed her lips. She washed the cloth into the nearest basin, therefore allowing you to see the cut in Father’s cheekbone.

“He... punched me earlier,” Father Ben said in a low voice. He was undeniably pained by what happened. You couldn’t even bring yourself to speak, let alone react to something other than a thunderstruck expression. “And he stole my necklace.”

By that, you grabbed the nearest chair and sat. You placed your hand between your chest. This is all too much. Your bones felt like collapsing. “The... the necklace your mother gave you?” you asked this without looking at him. It was hard to do that when you feel responsible for everything that has happened.

No, it isn’t right to hurt yourself like this. But Hendery has been with you since day one. If he planned something as horrible as this, you would’ve known. You should’ve known. How could you be so stupid?

“Yes,” Father Ben breathed as he absentmindedly reached for his necklace. As far as you could tell, the necklace was given to him by his mother when he was little. It was an heirloom of sorts. A treasured legacy.

“How could he do this?” Lucy interrupted. “We welcomed him here. Believing that he was good.”

“It was another thing to steal. And another to hurt someone to rob them,” Rei added.

You really couldn’t blame them. You were in absolute shock to even argue and pretend that Hendery was better than this. They wouldn’t tell you he was the culprit if he wasn’t, right? God, you couldn’t breathe.

“I think he’s a bandit,” Lucy stated once more.

With that, you looked up at her. “That is a grave accusation to make, Lucy.” Now, you are even making excuses for Hendery. You could laugh from your own imbecility.

“Yes. I know,” she said. Then she stood tall. “But what would you have me call him? A grave man deserves a grave name.”

“Perhaps he has his reasons.” Your voice sounded uncertain. For you have no idea what could be the reason behind all this..

Lucy sniggered. “I used to think you were reasonable, Y/N. Don’t stoop so low. He’s hit Father Ben. He’s robbed him. Whatever reason he might have, it was wrong.”

You fell silent. Lucy speaks the truth. Hendery has done something hideous. He could be a bandit all along. He could be the one who’s been robbing the villagers off their small riches all this time. And yet… how? How could he smile at you like he could replace an angel in heaven? How could you be so naive and stupid?

Without your own realization, you have run away from the Church already. To where? You have no idea. But you needed to free the tightening rope inside your chest— you need to salvage your heart off a heartache. Seeing Father Ben dispirited, as well as your co-sacristans, have shot a bullet to your heart.

You felt ashamed and wounded. But before mending your own wounds, you have to search for Hendery first.

xii. The resurrection of the body...

Million thoughts ran in Hendery’s mind as he looked at the emaciated body of his mother lying in a hospital bed. A glass separates them both, but he felt far away to her now than before. She was looking so frail— as if her bones would snap if you did so much as to hold her hand in a featherweight touch.

Her situation pierced Hendery’s heart with a sword. It didn’t matter that he’d found her now. He doesn’t feel happiness for this accomplishment. Misery. Hate. And that hole of missing his mother for years were the only things he could coax himself to feel.

Perhaps he was too far gone because of his loathsome heart. Or perhaps it was because of the teenager standing beside his mother’s bed, sobbing his heart out, while a middle-aged man pats his back to soothe him. As much as Hendery didn’t want to admit it, he could see the same nose and lips that he’s got from his mother in the boy to even deny the truth. He’s his brother. Half-brother.

He balled his hand into fist. Sudden heat coated Hendery’s tear ducts. He swept the lone tear away with his jacket-sleeve. He’s accepted the truth before— he’s made peace of the fact that his mother abandoned him. But why does it hurt to look the truth in the face? She’s cared and loved another son while Hendery longed for her embrace. She’s fed another mouth while Hendery starved in the streets.

Why must the world be cruel?

Hendery stepped back and sat on the chair beside the glass window. He made himself as unimposing as possible until the father and son departed the room. Hendery gathered himself and walked towards the door, towards his mother.

“A... Alec, is that—” Her mouth abruptly clamped shut as she realized who was standing before her. Without another word, her shoulder shook and there were tears in her eyes.

Hendery looked up, biting his lip. He won’t cry. He won’t cry. He won’t cry. “Come on, mom,” he stammered. “It’s not like you haven’t seen me for a long time, right?” Then he looked at her. She was coughing and sobbing now. Hendery had to help her sit up to give her some water.

“Is that really you?” she asked, thin fingers crawling at Hendery’s cheek. Her hand was cold. But it gave Hendery the warmth he was searching for. “Son,” she choked, “I’m sorry.”

Her voice was too weak. Hendery felt like he shouldn’t let her talk. So he shushed her instead. “I...” he stuttered, “I hate you, mom.” That’s it. He won’t hold back. He needs to say it. “I hate you so much. You left me. You left me to die.”

If her mother looked thunderstruck, her sunken eyes didn’t show it. “Hendery, son, I didn’t—”

“I became a bandit to survive. I kill now, mom. I kill so I can live. I kill so I can find you. I’ve asked myself a million times whether it was your fault I became like this.” Hendery snorted at the end. “But it was of my own choice so I couldn’t really blame you, could I? I chose this path to survive.

“I learned how to hold a gun because I need it. I’ve robbed people for money. For my own glory. For you. You left me in the dust. And all my life I’ve wondered why. Why did she leave me? Didn’t she love me? But I’ve thought about it and realized that I don’t need answers. I just need to see you.”

Her mother sobbed again. “I’m sorry, son, I’m sorry— I was scared.”

“Scared,” Hendery repeated. “We would’ve been fine together, mom. You and I.”

“I know,” she choked. “But when your father died— I was scared of the reality that we were alone. During a pandemic. The both of you were hanging on for your lives inside the ICU. And I’d nearly lost my mind.

“When he died, I didn’t have the chance to say good bye. They took him and burned his body. I was alone. Alone, thinking that you could be the next one they’d burn and I won’t have the chance to see your beautiful face for the last time. Instead of facing it all, I called your Aunt. When she came, I left.”

Hendery wanted to tell every abuse he’s gone through with his Aunt. But he didn’t want to remember those times, and he didn’t want to add into his mother’s guilt.

“I’m dying, son,” she whispered.

That, Hendery could tell. There’s a pang in his heart, yes, but he knew that there won’t be happy endings for bad people like him. All of us die in the end, however.

“I’m happy to see you,” she said, “It’s all I’ve ever wished to God every night.”

God. Is this what it feels like to know that someone has been praying for you? He felt... empty. Like everything is too late. The wound has been crawling with worms and there’s no more gauges to stop the pus.

“Do they... know me?” Hendery asked, voice low.

Her mother pursed her lips together. “No. I haven’t told them about you.”

Of course, Hendery muttered in his mind. He stood up, smoothed his shirt with a forced smile and looked down at his mother. “I’ll better be going, then.”

“Where are you going? Hendery, son...”

Hendery placed his hand on his mother’s shoulder. “Don’t worry about me. I am fine.” Far from it, but you didn’t need to know that, he thought.

His mother’s eyes were red-rimmed, thus accentuating how sunken they’ve become. “Can you... give me a hug?”

Hendery blinked as he did not expect such favor. But he leaned forwards absentmindedly, and hug his mother tightly. He first heard his own sob before realizing that he was crying like a little boy in his mother’s arms. This wasn’t the reunion he had in mind. He thought they could still reunite and make a life together. Be away from people. Hendery thought he would take care of his mother until she’s grey and old.

But life has other cruel plans. The path has been twisted years ago. And whatever he could get from this hug, it is enough.

It would be enough.

With an empty mind, Hendery drove through the night. He didn’t know where to go. His mind has been blank since his visit to the hospital.

What does he feel? Fuck, what does he feel? He felt ashamed. For everything that’s happened today. From the way he cornered and punched Father Ben just to get his necklace. He wanted to blur and erase the shame. He wanted to disappear.

Hendery revved the engine. Faster and faster, he drove without destination. The wind got harsher, the night still dangerous. He couldn’t take his mind off Kun’s smile when he finally handed him the golden necklace. Kun tapped his back and congratulated him, his eyes twinkling like stars. Hendery never wanted to see the same sparkle in the man’s eyes anymore.

Then his mind drifted to you. Knuckle white around the accelator, Hendery bottled up the scream that has threatened to explode from him. You. With your kind smile and angelic face. You’re so good. And Hendery let you down. For once, he met someone who was willing to accept his flaws and every bad thing about him. But he answered you with claws.

So after all the disgrace, why did he stop in front of your house?

The village was quiet. No more lights could be seen inside the house. A further indication that you are already asleep. Despite that, Hendery found himself walking towards the small alleyway leading to your room. There’s a tree, beside your window. Hendery hesitated for a moment whether he would knock on your window to wake you up. Besides, he has been reckless with his decisions and he didn’t need you to think of him as a creep.

However, he stood a few meters away from the window. And there, all his muscles strained. He was locked up in his place as his eyes met yours. Donned in your nightgown, you stood there looking outside. Your own eyes turned wide as you realized that Hendery was standing if not in front of you.

He gulped, then quickly pivoted on his heels to walk away. No. He isn’t ready to talk to you tonight. The shame was too overwhelming for him to ignore.

“Hendery!” you screamed, and that would’ve been enough to wake the whole house.

Hendery’s steps faltered.

“Wait for me,” you uttered just enough for him to hear.

He sucked in a breath. No. He couldn’t do this. But before he could decide to run away, a hand tugged him. Hendery faced you. You had your hand in your chest as you tried to calm your breath.

“Y/N,” he whispered. Here you were, standing in front of him under the pale moonlight. Everything would’ve been romantic if not for the circumstances.

“Hendery.” You say his name like he’s good. Like he deserves forgiveness. Why?

“I…” he stammered, “I did something hideous.”

He expected you to accuse him. To shout at him. But all you did was to hold his hand. “Why?”

Hendery’s hand abruptly trembled. He bit his lower lip so hard, it bled. “My mother,” he choked. “Y/N… I saw her. Everything is for her.” He couldn’t stop his sniveling no matter how he try to stop it. In between sobs, Hendery told you what happened, his hand never letting go of yours. The shame that he’s felt has been obliterated clean. He didn’t even care about the tears rolling down his cheeks.

After he opened himself up to you, you reached for him and hugged his body tightly. Hendery fought the urge to cry again. So he hugged you back instead, drowning in your scent.

When you pulled back, there’s a lone tear sliding down your cheek. Hendery wiped it away with his thumb, cupping your cheek with his cold hand.

“Now. This is what we’ll do,” you began.

xiii. And life everlasting…

You paced in front of the altar, trying your hardest to contain your heart inside your chest. It’s been at least twenty-four hours since you last saw Hendery. Your mind would explode thinking of what could’ve happened to him now. He’s supposed to come back an hour later.

You started to think that maybe it was a stupid plan all along. But you couldn’t blame him. He wanted to redeem himself to Father Ben, albeit it’s hard doing so. And he really didn’t plan to do exactly that. Hendery only wanted to return the necklace.

After his visit last night, where in he told you all that has transpired between him and his mother, you told him how important the necklace was for Father Ben. It is an heirloom, given by his mother.

You tried to coax Hendery that he should go to church and ask for Father Ben’s forgiveness. And yet he insisted that he would return the necklace. No matter what happens.

No matter what happens. That didn’t sit well with you.

In the end, you couldn’t argue with him anymore. He was determined to prove himself: that he’s worthy of good things and of forgiveness. Such raw emotions. It made you cry.

You agreed to meet here in the Church. Hendery says it’s safer this way. It is still the house of God, according to him. No one would attempt to harm you here.

You faced the altar and knelt, but before you could chant the first prayer, the latch of the door sounded. Hurriedly, you stood up on your feet.

In the dark, the silhouette of Hendery was drawn. He limped towards you while clutching something in his hand. You ran towards him, relief flooding your system. Tears pricked your eyes by how at ease you’ve felt by seeing him.

“Hendery!” you squealed and hugged him tightly.

He chuckled weakly before pulling away. “Here,” he says. “For Father…” Then he coughed. He coughed. With blood spurting out of his mouth. Your heart dropped on your feet. No.

Before you could think, Hendery fell to the floor, kneeling. Bouts of cough attacked his throat.

“Hendery,” you sobbed, “What happened?” You knelt in front of him, holding his shoulders to support his frail body.

“This is nothing,” he tried to say, but the world were muffled.

Panicking won’t help. So you strived to remain calm although your heart was beating jarringly inside your ribcage. And in the end, you sobbed and cried. “Help!” you cried out with all your might. “Help us! Hendery!”

You locked Hendery’s arm around your shoulder and hurled yourself up. But his weight was dead and he doesn’t seem to be doing well. “Hendery, please!” You were a crying mess. Vision blurry, throat wrapped up in pins and thorns and needles. You placed your arm around his waist and tried to hurl him up for the second time, but Hendery screamed in pain as you made contact with his side.

He fell to the ground.

And there was too much blood.

Blood. You stared at your trembling hands.

“No!” you screamed. “Hendery!” You sat and scooped him up in your arms, tears streaming down your face to his. “Stay with me! God!”

Hendery’s eyes were drooping now. They look like crystals, frantic and wild. “I…” He coughed. Blood came out of his mouth again.

You shushed him, brushing away his hair sticking to his forehead. His skin was feverish. You choked again and again, trying to gulp down your cries. “Stay. With. Me.” You give emphasis to each word. “Hendery! No! No! Stay awake! Please!” You even started to slap his cheeks just to keep his eyes open.

Then his bloodied hand found your cheek. You sobbed as it made contact with your skin. “You…” he uttered under his breath, “you’re... so beautiful.” Hendery flashed you a smile. His teeth coated with blood.

“Please.” You bit your lower lip. “Stay with me.”

Hendery stared at your face, tears streaming down from his eyes. “So…” he whispered again, drawing circles on your cheek, “... beautiful.”

Then his hand fell.

Hendery spent his last breath with you. In front of the altar. With God your only witness that night.

Amen.

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smoll-tangerine · 3 years

Text

come morning light

PAIRING. king louis xiv!hendery x female!reader (feat. molière!sicheng) GENRES. romance, angst, drama, love triangle, historical!au WORD COUNT. 30k

part of the NCT HISTORICAL COLLAB hosted by @puppywritings

SYNOPSIS. king louis hendery XIV, king of france, had always reassured you ever since you were children that you were to be his wife and the future queen of france when you became his one and only significant other at the tender age of sixteen years old. but when a war that seemed to never end threatened the existence of the kingdom, he had no choice but to put your promise together temporarily on hold.

and you were left wondering if there was even a happy ever after with him to begin with.

WARNINGS. love triangle/square?, arranged marriage, cheating, explicit language, kinda toxic relationship, mentions of war, alcohol consumption, implied nsfw but nothing explicit.

DISCLAIMER. while the story contains some historical facts, it is purely fictional and any similarities are coincidences.

PLAYLIST. salvatore by lana del rey • yes to heaven by lana del rey • la vie en rose by édith piaf • je te laisserai des mots by patrick watson • rêverie, l. 68 by debussy • aphrodite by honey gentry • moi c’est (slowed version) by camelia jordana • a thousand years by christina perri

TAGLIST. @crescent-iak @kunrengui

[a/n]: i would like to give a biG FAT THANKS TO MY FAVOURITE VIRGO @jeongvision for not only proofreading this fic, but for also brainstorming and screaming about this monster at 2-3am in the morning. thank you so much em for pushing me through this process and helping me flesh out this whole thing! ilysm, i cannot thank you enough for supporting me through this!!

it’s been a while since i’ve last posted and written something this long. it’s also been a while since the last time i’ve felt proud about a story, so, i really hope you will all enjoy this story as much as i enjoyed writing it! and pls let me know your thoughts and comments! ♥

Louis Hendery Dieudonné, son of King Louis XIII and Anne of Austria, was regarded as a divine gift and his birth, a miracle of God, as his mother had experienced four stillbirths before giving birth to him. To his parents, he was their precious heir. To the people, he was a divine wonder.

But to you, he had always been just Hendery.

In 1643, King Louis XIII passed away. Prince Hendery, at the tender age of 4 years old, became the new king of France. You saw him for the first time at the late king’s funeral. Your impression of the young prince who was around the same age as you, was that he was painfully gorgeous.

You noticed that his brown locks, which curled a bit in the ends, shone under the sunlight. They were a shade similar to a dark caramel, but almost blonde under the light. He stuck by Queen Anne, who seemed overly protective of him—at least more so than her second son, Philippe Lucas the First, Duke of Orléans. Or to you, he was just Lucas.

In 1646, the court appointed your father, Nicolas de Neufville de Villeroy, as King Louis XIV’s tutor. You and your older brother, François Xiaojun de Villeroy, often accompanied him to the tutoring lessons and became close friends with the two royal princes.

You were there for him, when he was declared to have reached the age of majority on September 7th, 1651, at the age of thirteen.

You were there for him, when your father, who served as the Grand Master of France, legitimized Hendery’s ascension to the throne on June 7th ,1654, when he was only sixteen years old. You remembered celebrating his coronation with him alone, soon after the celebrations at the Notre-Dame-de-Reims Cathedral, and he had asked you to be his.

You dared to call yourself Hendery’s closest confidante, not counting his mother. And for years, France had been governed by a Council of ministers that was led by his mother. Because he had lost his father at a young age, Hendery always thought that he had to do everything in his power to not disappoint Queen Anne.

However, one thing he had never compromised with his mother about, was his relationship with you.

You felt special whenever Hendery reassured you that the nature of your relationship wouldn’t change, that you would always remain as his special significant other, and that he would do everything in his power to have you stay by his side. But you didn’t have it in your heart to tell him that he didn’t have much power and that the person who was actually in charge was Queen Anne.

It was a sunny afternoon of 1659. Hendery was twenty-one years and you were twenty years old. You two were lying on the grass, in the backyard of the Château de Saint-Germain-en-Laye, thankfully, without any of his courtiers around. You had a feeling that his promise cannot be kept anymore as he informed you that he had to head over to Spain with Queen Anne, for diplomatic purposes.

Your body tensed at the news, knowing that Spain had a princess who was around yours and Hendery’s age. You quickly turned away from him and sighed as you leaned on your elbow and flipped through Le Dépit amoureux, a play written by an up-and-coming author called Molière.

“Come on, my love,” he cooed as he kissed you on your naked shoulders. “You know you’re the only one in my heart. What are you so worried about?”

You brushed him away, still sulking a little bit. It didn’t matter whether you were the only one in Hendery’s heart or not because in the end, the matters of his relationship and marriage were public. He couldn’t make these decisions, at least, not without his court, and you knew that Queen Anne wasn’t too favourable of you especially since you couldn’t bring much to Hendery if you were to marry him.

“Hey, look at me,” he said, his voice barely a whisper.

It was only then that you allowed yourself to turn towards him and you immediately softened at his slightly broken, conflicted expression. It was never your intention to make him pull that expression especially since you never wanted to burden him, in any way. Under his cool reserve, there was a wealth of depth and sentiment that he only shared with you and no one else.

Hendery wrapped his arms around you and nuzzled his face against your chest. You gently stroked his hair as his face drew closer. After you combed your fingers through his loose waves, you rubbed his temples. Your king narrowed his eyes at your actions, like he enjoyed your touch. And you felt your heart wrench as if it was so full of love for him.

“I have no intention of breaking my promise to you,” he announced with a grave voice and leaned his forehead against yours. “I am yours and you are mine, and nothing in the world can ever change that.”

You breathed sharply against his tender lips and nodded in reassurance, showing Hendery that you wholeheartedly believed him and his words. Hendery always had a way with words and he never failed to make you feel like you two were at the top of the world. But, you should have known that the higher you were, the harder you were going to fall.

“I love you,” he told you, his chest rumbling against yours, “from the bottom of my heart. Always and forever.”

You smiled and meshed your lips with his as you echoed, “I love you too, my King.”

“Come,” he asked you as he pulled you up and led you back into his castle. “I’ve got something to show you.”

You tried not to roll your eyes at his actions and felt a bit worried. Hendery was a known prankster, always causing trouble for his close friends. While he would never act this way in front of his mother and his servants, he would never miss the opportunity to give you or Lucas or Xiaojun a scare. So, you kept your guards up just in case he decided that pranking you for the 99th time was a good idea.

But against all of your expectations, Hendery did not prank you.

Hendery brought you to the castle’s treasury. While most of his prized possessions were safely guarded in the Garde de Meuble de la Couronne of the Place de la Concorde, which was the official Royal Treasury, you knew that he did keep some of them in his castle for safety purposes. For that reason alone, you wondered just what he wanted to show you exactly. Not to mention, you didn’t exactly receive security clearance (though, with the King by your side, security clearance was perhaps not needed.)

You were amazed by all the glistening jewellery that surrounded you both, so pretty and precious that you were afraid to even look at them. But the question still remained.

“Close your eyes,” he said.

Oh God, you hoped that this wasn’t a prank.

You heard his clothes rustle and Hendery slipped his hand away from yours, scaring you just a little as your eyes were closed.

“My King?” you called him out.

“Don’t worry, I’m right here, my love,” you heard him say. His voice didn’t seem distant so you were reassured that he was still close to you.

After a few seconds, Hendery finally broke his silence. “Okay, you can open your eyes now.”

You opened your eyes to not anything in front of you other than the jewels displayed. Your eyes searched for the king, wondering just where exactly he went when he was right next to you. And you found your answer literally in front of you.

Hendery knelt in front of you, his eyes shining and bright as he stared up at you. You were speechless as you stared him up-and-down, and then to the glistening ring he held in-between his slim fingers.

Oh God, you really hoped that this wasn’t a prank.

“My King– I–” you stuttered, “H-Hendery, just what are you doing?”

“Isn’t it obvious?”

You asked because you didn’t dare to hope. Not when he just told you that he had to go and visit Spain where a certain princess resided. Not when he had never shown any indication of actually making you his wife, of making you the Queen of France.

“Words can only do so much,” Hendery explained. “I had this custom-made the second I found out that I have to leave the country for a while. I didn’t want you to think that anything was going to change between us.”

Your heart hammered against your chest. “Hendery, you’re kneeling—just what exactly am I supposed to think of this?”

“Exactly what you’re thinking.” Hendery took a deep breath and said your name fondly before asking you, “Will you marry me?”

Tears filled your vision and you quickly nodded, the moment clouding your judgement. You were too happy to think of anything else. And this joy that exploded in your chest as Hendery exclaimed in happiness before sliding the ring onto your left right finger and kissing you on the lips; you didn’t think you could exactly describe it in words but you wished that this feeling would last forever.

You took a look at the ring after you and Hendery pulled away from each other after a few kisses. The engagement ring was a gemstone one, the oval-shaped red ruby stone in the centre circled by little diamonds like sun rays. It either looked like a sun or a flower, both shapes you adored nonetheless because it reminded you of Hendery.

“Wait for me,” he asked against your lips.

“Okay.”

However, you realized belatedly that perhaps you were too rash with your decision to accept Hendery’s proposal. You were simply too caught up in the moment, too impatient to think of the possible repercussions following the event. How could you possibly forget all the people who were against your relationship from the beginning? Like his courtiers who had no shame in talking behind your back? And of course, Hendery’s mother.

But Queen Anne wasn’t the only one against your relationship.

Your father gave you a disapproving look as you finally came back home to your family’s hôtel particulier, an overly large townhouse that couldn’t possibly be compared to the palace, but home nonetheless. Your father built it in 1640 on family grounds, shortly before your grandfather’s death.

The maids scurried around as they welcomed you back. Your older brother, Xiaojun, raised an eyebrow at you as you joined the two males in your family home’s garden. You giggled a little bit to yourself as you remembered how the young king used to love to come and visit the beautiful courtyard of your family’s building when he used to live in the Palais-Royal.

And speaking of the Palais-Royal, you thought to yourself that you should pay a visit to Duke Lucas of Anjou, soon enough. Ever since Hendery gave the Palais Royal away to Lucas, and moved to the Château de Saint-Germain-en-Laye, you saw him less and less. Hendery might have been your significant other, but Lucas was still your best—if not, closest—friend just like how Xiaojun was Hendery’s best friend.

“How many times have I told you to not visit the King so frequently?” your father said in a gruff tone. “No matter if he is the King, people talk, my child.”

You tried not to roll your eyes at your father but managed to refrain yourself at the last minute. Your mother died shortly after giving birth to you, leaving him as a single father. You understood how hard it must be for your father to have raised a daughter, but with the help of a wet nurse and governess, you dared to say that you turned out just fine.

“Why is it that Brother can visit the King whenever he wants, but I cannot?” you questioned with a curious smile, even though you knew the answer to the question. “Is it due to my gender?”

“Very funny,” Xiaojun deadpanned.

Your father sighed tiredly and rubbed his temple. “You must understand, my daughter, that you are a lady, one who is yet to be married.”

“The King and I will marry soon enough,” you answered without hesitation.

You didn’t miss the flash of anger that went through your father’s eyes and then a look of pity. Your father was close to Hendery and you wondered if there was anything that the two of them had kept from you that you couldn’t have possibly uncovered from the gossipy staff at Hendery’s palace. But you immediately shook those thoughts away and decided to have faith in both Hendery and the ring he had just gifted you.

“The King has not yet asked for your hand officially,” he replied with gritted teeth. You almost gasped at your father’s words as you couldn’t believe he would say that—to imply what he meant to imply. “He is young, he is of marrying age, and we are at war.”

He then sighed. “It is foolish of you to continue thinking that you will be the one by his side.”

You bit your bottom lip, your eyes slowly tearing up at your father’s words slowly ripped you apart. You noticed Xiaojun shooting a chastising look over at your father and motioned you with his chin and worried eyes. Although you were grateful for your older brother’s actions, you couldn’t deny the truth there was in your father’s words.

Despite Hendery’s promises, he never really acted upon them. But you were young and so in love, you were willing to overlook everything if it meant that you could stay by Hendery’s side. But it was truly foolish of you to think that Hendery was yours and yours only.

He was the king of one of the most powerful and richest countries in Europe; he was a young king eligible for political and diplomatic marriages. With France in a war that seemed never-ending against Spain, you could only imagine the purpose of Hendery’s trip to the said country with Queen Anne.

You knew.

But it didn’t mean that you had to acknowledge it.

At least, not until it actually happened.

“I’m going to see Lucas,” you muttered as you got up and pushed your seat away harshly. “Probably going to spend the evening there, so do not bother sending a carriage over to pick me up.”

“Dear–” you could hear your father calling after you.

“I’ll see you guys tomorrow,” you said without sparing a second look as you left the gardens and headed over to your carriage, asking the coachman to bring you to Palais-Royal.

The short, ten minutes horse ride allowed you a little breathing room. It was ten minutes away from Hendery’s suffocating court, ten minutes away from your overbearing family, and ten minutes alone just for you. But that little breathing room could also allow for negative thoughts to creep into the little crevices of your head; as soon as you’d let your guards down, they could consume you completely.

You were torn between staying by Hendery’s side, knowing that his indecisiveness could perhaps lead you to your demise as a woman in the 17th century, and doing what would be best for you by slowly distancing yourself from the young king.

It was obvious to anyone with a sane mind which would be the better option. But they didn’t understand the relationship between you and Hendery; the pull and yearning you guys had for one another. You could feel it deep in your soul that the king was made for you, the missing puzzle piece to your whole picture.

King Hendery’s presence was essential in your life. Being with him and loving the king was as easy as breathing air. Being basked upon his presence felt somewhat like a blessing and being at the receiving end of his love made you understand why the people thought of their king as a divine wonder.

His position and his nickname as the Sun King made you constantly wonder if you could touch him without burning yourself, just like how he had touched you and made you fall in love with him without even using his hands.

You didn’t think you could love anyone other than Hendery, but it was especially during these times when he had to be away from you for political business; when your family would constantly remind you that despite your family status, it would still never be enough for the royal family; when Queen Anne herself always made it perfectly clear to you that she’d never thought of you as a prospect whenever you visited Hendery at the château by never sparing you a single glance.

Your only remaining solace, other than being by Hendery’s side, was with Duke Lucas.

Lucas was a casual royal, never caring much about titles and statuses. He preferred staying away from his family’s politics and doing his own things, which garnered some criticisms and gossip. But the duke being the duke, he didn’t care much for them—a trait you were vehemently jealous of and yet greatly admired him for it.

“Did you finally remember that you have a best friend?” he asked teasingly as he welcomed you into his palace.

Your nose scrunched at both his words and his attire. It wasn’t hard to compare the two brothers: Hendery was always impeccable in everything he did, from his outer appearance to his behaviour, whereas Lucas was a bit rough around the edges. But, still dazzling in his own frenzy and lazy way.

“Just because we are best friends does not mean that you can greet a lady in your sleeping garments,” you chastised him jokingly while motioning his clothes with your fan with a fake, horrified expression.

But your face soon melted in a smile before giving Lucas a hug, ignoring all the royal protocols—you were never really one to follow them, anyway. And Lucas had never allowed you to bow to him either.

“How have you been?” you asked.

You took in his dishevelled self and raised a brow at the love marks on his neck that he never really bothered to hide unless he was on official royal duties; perhaps due to his status as the second-in-line that he never really cared. But, he was still one to adhere to etiquette and panoply especially when it came to official royal duties. While he could care less about his own reputation, he would do everything to avoid tarnishing Hendery’s.

“Same old, same old,” he replied nonchalantly as you two made your way to the dining room.

“Mademoiselle, the Duchess,” the maître d’hôtel of Lucas’s household, Philippe of Lorraine, greeted you with a small nod of his head, and you did the same.

Philippe came from a prominent family, being the second son to the Count and Countess of Harcourt, and their family’s rank just one below yours. Philippe’s father, Henri of Lorraine, was the Grand Squire of France, a prestigious position that put him in charge of the royal stables, the transport of the king and his ceremonial entourage. It was then at Hendery’s coronation that you all met Philippe and his family, officially.

You never really liked Philippe, his demeanour reminded you of a sleazy snake, always leaving you uncomfortable following an encounter. But Lucas adored Philippe like no other, and as his best friend, you didn’t have a choice but to go along with his whims, even when you did not necessarily agree with them.

After all, he was doing the same with you and Hendery.

“How have you been, Monsieur Philippe?” you asked politely. While he was the butler, he still held his title. You couldn’t address him too informally even though you two had known each other since teenagers.

“Never better,” he answered briskly before handing a long, beautiful navy blue silk robe to Lucas. “Please, your Highness, while the Duchess is your closest friend, you still have to be mindful that she is a lady.”

“And that is what I keep telling him,” you said with a roll of your eyes while Lucas begrudgingly accepted the sleeping gown and wore it as Philippe guided you two to your dining seats.

As you two were enjoying your meal, Lucas decided that your silence was enough.

“It is not often that you visit me without prior notice. Dare I enquire the reason behind your visit?” he asked with no animosity behind his voice. He truly was concerned about you.

He wished for your happiness more than anything: he understood how difficult it could be to be entangled with the royal family.

He was a member of it, after all.

“I feel like my reason is always the same whenever I come to see you, so do you really wish to hear about my complaints, once again?” you replied with a small snort, though you were still a bit worried that Lucas was going to be annoyed with you.

But Lucas, with his heart of gold, couldn’t possibly ever push you away. You were a dear friend of his just like how he was a dear friend of yours, and it wouldn’t be a stretch to say that you two would do absolutely anything for each other as long as it meant ensuring you two would secure some form of happiness.

He noticed how tired you seemed, how sick you were of being constantly surveilled by the court whenever you were with his older brother, how you tried to hide the shakiness of your hands as you brought the goblet of wine to your lips with a small smile.

And he just knew that it was related to Hendery.

But what you needed at the moment wasn’t his advice or his opinion. Instead, you needed his support and a lending ear, and that was exactly what he was going to give you.

“My older brother is an idiot,” he simply said before going back to his chicken pie.

You chuckled as you mirrored his action. “An idiot we both love.”

A pregnant silence followed your statement, the sounds of your utensils scraping against the food and plates echoed in the large dining hall, and the servants were as silent as ever, never ones to speak up unless spoken to.

“You know that my offer still stands, right?” Lucas finally whispered.

You looked up from your plate to see your friend staring at you with an unbelievably soft and concerned look. You gave him a mellow smile, grateful. You could also see Philippe shifting uncomfortably at his master’s words from your periphery.

You sighed through your nose. “I appreciate it, Lucas, but you know I could never ask you to do such a thing. I would never ask you to throw away your own happiness if it means securing mine.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, but you knew there was part of him that was secretly relieved by what you had just said. “You’re my best friend, who else if not you should I do this for?”

“True friendships shouldn’t require you to sacrifice your happiness,” you answered back stubbornly. “And besides, us marrying each other, even as a last measure, is simply a recipe for disaster, don’t you agree?”

Lucas shook his head with a cheeky, defeated grin on his face before raising his wine glass to you.

“Amen to that.”

Hendery came back from his short trip to Spain.

To make up for his absence, he had asked you to join him at his palace as he had a surprise for you.

You were skeptical of his intentions, but the King seemed really excited and was enthusiastic that you joined him for the day. He genuinely seemed excited in his letter. His happiness was so infectious that you immediately asked for a carriage to bring you to the king’s residence. Hendery had been a little busier than usual lately, so you appreciated that he valued your time together.

And besides, you missed him terribly.

To your utmost surprise, Hendery was the one who greeted you when your carriage arrived in front of the château’s front gates, his servants and guards flanking his side. He quickly approached your carriage as it came to a complete stop and opened the door before handing you his hand as he helped you down. Hendery had always been a gentleman. But for some reason, he was acting more extra than usual.

He pressed a kiss to your hand and smiled up at you as he asked, “Now, if it is not the most beautiful woman I ever laid my eyes upon?”

Your nose scrunched at his remark. “Really, my King, stop it.”

“Why should I when it is the truth?” he replied with a small twinkle in his eyes before dragging you inside his castle and you tried to acknowledge his servants in the process with a small nod of your head. “Come, I have something to show you.”

“A surprise, my King?”

“Something of the sort,” he admitted with a half-smile. “A surprise I believe you will find absolutely delightful.”

“Aren’t we feeling overly confident, today?” you asked with a small chuckle.

“What are you talking about? This is how I am every time that I am with you.”

You two were practically jogging inside the castle at this point. You had to tug at his arm to remind him that it was not royal protocol to do so. After all, he was watched by everyone in his household, even those that did not belong to his court.

You gasped in surprise when you two came to a stop, the matriarch of the kingdom stood in front of you with all her regal and charisma. You immediately let go of Hendery’s hand and bobbed a curtsy to Queen Anne.

“Your Majesty,” you greeted her.

“Mother,” Hendery said after you.

The queen motioned you to stand up, almost surprising you because she never really acknowledged you. Usually, you would wait until she was gone from the room before getting up. Queen Anne gave you a soft smile, one that you returned shakily.

You shot a subtle glance over at your lover, wondering if he knew why his mother was acting so uncharacteristically. But Hendery’s face remained rigid and stoic, one that didn’t give you any hints that could possibly explain his mother’s behaviour.

It was ironic how his lack of emotions just told you everything you needed to know.

“Today is such a beautiful day,” Queen Anne said to the two of you with a smile. “I hope that you two will enjoy it to the fullest.”

“We will, Mother.”

You curtsied again. “Thank you, your Majesty.”

It wasn’t until Queen Anne left the room that Hendery grabbed hold of your hand again and led you towards the château’s interior court. Usually, the inner courtyard of the château was void of any decoration or greens, except for the few flowerbeds you forced Hendery to install so that his castle didn’t seem too monotone, something he agreed to only because he wanted to make you happy. You often used the numerous rows of flowers as an excuse to come and visit him, claiming that you wanted to take care of them as they were, in a way, a gift from Hendery to you.

This time, the interior court had a whole stage set up with two plush seats in front of the stage and large parasols overseeing the two seats with a table filled with delicacies and drinks.

Hendery brought you to one of the seats before sitting in the one next to yours.

“What is this…?” you asked as you kept looking around in your seat, confused.

“Settle down, my love,” he said with a soft smile and rubbed circles on your hand to soothe you. “You’ll see soon enough.”

The curtains of the stage were brought down and you instantly recognized the setting, the decoration, the characters the actors were playing. Your breath got caught in your throat as the actors started reciting the lines from the very play you were reading a couple of weeks ago, right before Hendery left for Spain: Le Dépit amoureux.

“You didn’t…” you said in marvel before turning your head to him. “How did you–”

His eyes crinkled, satisfied by your reaction, and Hendery bobbed his shoulders as nonchalantly as possible. “Can I really call myself the king of this country if I cannot even surprise the woman I love and make her happy?”

His smile was like sunlight on a summer day and all of your words just melted away.

“Y-your Majesty,” you stuttered. “I do not deserve this.”

“And I do not deserve you,” he said before kissing your cheek and stared deep into your eyes. “Forget about whether you deserve this or not—because we both know what the answer is—and enjoy this to the fullest, alright? If you are truly grateful, then pay attention to the play, will you?”

You nodded at him before bursting out in happy giggles and immediately focused on the play. Unbeknownst to you, Hendery didn’t focus on the play at all and spent the time staring at your face, drinking in all the lovely expressions you made during the duration of the play.

He smiled when you smiled.

He laughed when you laughed.

He groaned in disappointment when you groaned in disappointment.

He cried when you cried.

Hendery truly was radiant. A sun unto himself, and you were bathed in his warmth.

King Louis Hendery XIV, majestic Sun King of the powerful country of France, a divine wonder to his people, thought to himself just how wonderful it would be…

How wonderful it would be if you two could stay like this forever.

The famous troupe de Molière stood in front of you on stage and bowed as you and Hendery applauded them for an excellent performance. While the rest of the troupe began to clean up after their performance, a tall man with beautiful features approached the two of you.

Your mouth slightly dried at the man’s appearance. You’d always thought that Hendery was the most gorgeous man you had ever laid your eyes upon with his dark brown hair and prince-like features. But, the man who stood in front of you possessed a charm that was different to your king, one that exuded some sort of mystery and charisma that could only be attributed to a man of great creativity and intellect.

The man who stood in front of you was the famous writer Jean-Baptiste Poquelin, also more commonly known as Molière.

Sicheng to those very close to him.

To say that you were a great fan of his writings would be the understatement of the century.

“Sicheng, that was a wonderful play,” Hendery commented as the writer walked to you two and bowed.

“Your Majesty,” Sicheng said and turned to you with a curious smile that left you wondering. “Mademoiselle, the Duchess.”

You nodded back. “Monsieur Molière–”

“Please,” he cut you off. “Call me Sicheng.”

You raised a subtle brow at his request but listened to him nonetheless. “Sicheng, may I say how much of an honour it is to finally be able to witness your play in person. I was afraid that I would have to chase you all across France just to see a play done by you and your talented troupe.”

Sicheng bowed in thanks and laughed. “You flatter me too much.”

“Well, my love,” Hendery said and wrapped an arm around your waist before pulling you close, surprising you a bit. While he was very affectionate towards you in private, Hendery was also one to be careful with his gestures and manners when he was in public.

You didn’t understand his sudden possessiveness.

But then again, you never really understood men in general.

“You will not have to chase after Sicheng and his troupe any longer,” Hendery continued. “They are back in Paris, for good.”

“Oh?” Your eyes bulged in surprise and curiosity. “How did that happen?”

“Sicheng and his troupe actually performed in front of me, Mother, and Lucas before,” the young king admitted to you. “A little while ago, last year.”

The writer nodded in confirmation with a grateful smile. “Yes, his Majesty generously invited us to perform in front of him and his court at the hôtel de Bourgogne. Then, his Highness Lucas graciously extended his royal protection and an invitation to become our patron.”

You brought a hand to your mouth as you gasped in delight. “Oh, my! How wonderful! I visited Lucas a few weeks ago and he did not even mention a thing.”

“Are you close with his Majesty and his Highness?” Sicheng inquired, though you did not fail to feel the slight squeeze of Hendery’s hands on your waist. You almost rolled your eyes at your significant other.

“Yes, my father was his Majesty’s private tutor when he was younger,” you answered politely. “He became best friends with my older brother and I became best friends with Lucas. The rest is pretty much history.”

Sicheng let out a small ‘ah’ in exclamation. “Well, if you visit his Highness so often, I believe that his Majesty is right that you will not have to chase after me and my troupe any longer.”

You turned to Hendery, a raised brow in question. “Your Majesty?”

Hendery laughed and pressed a kiss against the crown of your head and left his lips there for a moment before pulling back. “Lucas, that little rascal, has renovated the theatre inside of Palais-Royal for Sicheng and his troupe. That auditorium will thus be at their disposal when the renovations will be complete, and you, my dear,” he tapped your nose affectionately, “will then be able to attend all the plays you want.”

You giggled and your laugh, similar to wind chimes, brought a smile to the king’s face. “My, my, I am too spoiled.”

“No such thing as too spoiled,” the king refuted with a faux air of grumpiness.

You shook your head and turned your attention back to Sicheng who seemed startled by your sudden attention. “If that is the case, I look forward to seeing you soon, Monsieur Sicheng. It was a pleasure meeting you.”

He bowed slightly and raised his hat. “The pleasure is all mine.”

“I will see you again soon, Sicheng,” Hendery told him and the two of you walked away.

You two left the interior court in the direction of the king’s room as it was night time and thus, near dinner time and he would like to refresh himself first. You took the seat in front of his vanity as he went into the room next to his, a walk-in closet, in a way, with easy access so that he wouldn’t always have to ask for his servants’ help.

“Are you sure you do not want me to call for someone, Hendery?” you asked, just in case.

Your lover was stubborn and believed that he could do everything on his own, but at the same time, you knew that he was also considering your feelings, knowing how much you hated constantly having his court’s attention on the two of you. It almost felt as if they were monitoring you rather than simply looking out for their king.

He emerged from the next room and you laughed at his appearance.

“What?” he asked, his brows furrowed in confusion.

You got up from your seat and made your way towards him.

“Honestly, my love, continue this way and I might think that you are doing this on purpose,” you said with a small giggle as you fixed the collar of his white metallic doublet.

His hands immediately went to your hips and pulled you close as you continued to fiddle with his collar. “What if I am doing this on purpose?”

“Then, my King,” you said, almost like a whisper, “I believe you should find a better hobby.”

He remained silent as you continued to fiddle with his collar. Though, it had been fixed for a while. There was this tension between the two of you that you had expertly ignored since your arrival. But it became more and more prominent following your meeting with Queen Anne.

“Are you hiding something from me, my King?” you asked softly, your eyes stuck on his collar, unmoving—unblinking. You didn’t dare to meet his eyes in fear of your walls breaking down, in fear of crying.

“You know that I would never hide anything from you,” he answered back swiftly and you almost had to laugh at how quick he answered you. Hendery had never been a good liar, something that worried you because how could he be a good politician if he didn’t know how to lie?

“Your Majesty should know that I am not some fragile little thing,” you continued, stubborn.

You wondered whether you were a masochist as you kept pressing the love of your life to reveal what you were fearing. To tell you what you were expecting to hear even though you knew it was going to hurt you—scar you for possibly the rest of your life.

Hendery sighed tiredly and rubbed comforting circles on your waist, his eyes never meeting yours either.

“Look at me,” he finally said after a small silence of hesitation.

You refused.

“Look at me,” he repeated, a bit more sternly this time.

You exhaled sharply and forced your eyes to meet his. Hendery leaned his forehead against yours, his nose pressed gently against the tip of your nose, and his lips just slightly above yours; never touching and never giving you the reassurance you yearned from him.

“I love you,” he said all of a sudden. “And nothing in the world will ever change that fact.”

“Hendery–”

He cut you off. “I need you to know, need you to imprint this in your heart, that I do love you and that I am so unconditionally and irrevocably in love with you. And that my words speak true or may Death take me away if they are found to be false.”

You shook your head. “I believe you. And I love you too, my King. So much that it is unbearable sometimes. But to not love you and to not be by your side is a feeling that I never wish to experience.”

Hendery brought you into a hug and you tightened your hold around him as you tried to hold in your sobs.

“You’re getting married to that princess, aren’t you?” you asked.

You knew the answer deep in your heart, but you were still afraid to hear it from his lips.

“No,” he said, still refusing to tell you the truth. “Why on Earth would you ever think that?”

Your chuckle came out like a breathy scoff. “Why else would the Queen even spare a look at me, today? Isn’t it because she knows that you are betrothed to someone who is not me, someone who is worthy to be called your queen?”

“Love–”

You shook your head. “No, if you truly do love me, my King, you wouldn’t hide this from me. You promised to be honest with me, no matter what. I told you that I am not some fragile–”

“It is not because I think that you are fragile that I do not wish to tell you the details,” Hendery immediately cut you off, his expression slightly angry.

“Then, why?” you pleaded. “Why won’t you let me know?”

“It is because I am ashamed,” he admitted, his eyes red, “ashamed that I cannot keep the promise I’ve made to you when I was sixteen. Ashamed that, despite my position as the most powerful man in this kingdom, I cannot even do a simple thing such as upholding my vow to the woman I love.”

Your expression broke and you brought a hand to Hendery’s cheek. “My King–”

“And most importantly, I am afraid,” he continued, “afraid that I will lose you forever.”

Despite his words, you simply couldn’t find it in you to reassure the love of your life that he shouldn’t be afraid, that you intended to stick by him no matter what. Because, despite everything, you also found yourself unable to uphold your end of the promise.

While you knew you could love the king for the rest of your existence, you didn’t know whether you were capable of staying by his side knowing that you could never become his queen.

And it hurt.

His eyes searched for yours as if he wanted to know what you were thinking right now. Hendery held your small hands in his as you trembled slightly. But no matter how much of himself he gave you at the moment, the shades of worry never left your eyes.

“Your hands,” Hendery started to say with a bitter chuckle. “I’ve been holding them for the longest time and yet I have to let go of them tonight. And here I am, wanting and wishing to hold onto them just for a little longer.”

You felt the same, but you didn’t have it in you to tell him. At Hendery’s words, you finally couldn’t contain your emotions anymore and tears streamed down your cheeks.

“I love you,” he said.

Three words he had always uttered to you for as long as you remembered. And these last words he said to you showed how much he cared about you and about your future. And perhaps while he had hurt you again, time and again, in the end, you were still thinking of Hendery.

“And I love you too,” you replied earnestly.

Your hands had a slight tremor in reaction to your own foolishness. Your cheeks then brush against Hendery’s. And before you knew it, you two embraced each other tightly. You could feel your lover’s arms tightened around you and you sobbed against his chest.

“I’m sorry that I hurt you,” Hendery whispered, “but please, allow me to love you into the moonlight, one last time.”

Your bodies, hot and yearning for each other, fall together onto Hendery’s bed. You tried to shower on him all the affection that you couldn’t say anymore. Hendery chanted your name over and over and you allowed him to feel you with all of his heart and every nerve in his body.

You silently reached out your hands to him and he intertwined his fingers with yours. You hoped that they would never slip away from you.

“I don’t know what will happen after this,” Hendery said with his forehead pressed against yours. “But I want you to know that I care about you and that I want to leave you with this warmth, hoping that you will never forget that I wholeheartedly love you. I will forever protect you and our light.”

You pressed your eyes together at his words, not wanting your tears to fall once again.

“Hendery…”

You two know what you felt for one another and you took turns in expressing it to the other.

After making love, Hendery slept peacefully beside you. Your naked skin glowed with warmth. Your fingers naturally played with his hair as his head rested comfortably against your bosom. The rain pelting outside the window didn’t help your mood, almost as if it reflected your current state of mind.

You stared at the ring he gave you and then back at him.

The idea of spending the rest of your life without the man with whom you thought you were supposed to share that life was unthinkable, a possibility that hadn’t crossed your mind even once.

Your father was right to call you foolish.

While your father and your family had been loyal to the royal family for decades, there was nothing more you could offer to them. You didn’t have the money, the political sway, the connections that could help Hendery and the country grow.

You painfully took off the ring and set it on his nightstand before slowly retreating yourself from Hendery’s bed. You quickly wore your clothes and made sure you looked presentable before leaving his room, unable to stay with Hendery any longer.

The only thing you could offer him was your heart.

That could never be enough in Queen Anne’s eyes.

But little did you know it was the only thing and everything Hendery needed.

June 7th, 1660.

Hendery and his court were to meet Princess Maria Theresa of Austria on the Isle of Pheasants. Being a high-ranking official, your father had to accompany the young king to his destination, while you had politely refused his invitation.

Wasn’t inviting you to the official wedding not painful enough?

Instead of heading over to the island, you decided to head over to Palais-Royal and visit your best friend and favourite playwright. Lucas mentioned that he didn’t have to accompany Hendery, though you had an inkling feeling that he did so out of consideration for you. While you were unsure of how to feel about his action, you felt grateful in a way, nonetheless.

Sicheng, on the other hand, became someone whose presence in your life was inexplicable.

As you distanced yourself from the King following that fateful night, you found yourself finding it hard to spend your days without him by your side and turned to your friends for support.

Your relationship with the king was like an open secret in his court. Everyone knew but didn’t dare to speak a word.

You’d always felt uncomfortable with the number of people that knew of your relation to the King. While breaking up with him brought you some relief in a way, lessening the pressure you subconsciously felt from his court, somehow, more and more attention was brought upon you. Courtiers and servants enjoyed gossiping and you were their latest victim. It was tiring and at this point, you didn’t know what was worse.

“You must be joking,” Lucas said with a scoff after you told him about the invitation the king had graciously extended to you and your family. “Did Xiaojun go with your father?”

You played with one of the props that the troupe prepared for their upcoming play, while Sicheng sat diagonally to you and Lucas and was working on a new play that he didn’t want to reveal to you two just yet. The three of you formed a little triangle in the garden of the palace, enjoying the nice weather that was the complete opposite of your current mood. Lucas had hoped that soaking in some sun would help with your mood.

“He didn’t really have a choice,” you answered, your eyes and hands still focused on the prop. “Xiaojun is Hendery’s best friend.”

You grimaced at the way you used the King’s name so easily and nonchalantly; that was a habit that you were going to have to let go of soon. No matter your past relationship with him, it was over and addressing him so casually in the presence of his court that included his future wife was not going to bode well in their eyes.

“And Lucas is his Majesty’s brother,” Sicheng quipped with a teasing raised brow at the Duke, “and yet, here he is.”

Lucas shrugged his shoulders, unbothered. “It is not my marriage, but his.”

“You don’t feel like meeting your sister-in-law?”

“The only person whom I want to be my sister-in-law is sitting right besides me,” Lucas answered swiftly and raised his wine cup at Sicheng, “so, no, forgive me if I lack interest in the Spaniard princess.”

You tsk-ed at the tone Lucas used. While he might have not approved of his brother’s future wife—and you were grateful for it—she was still going to be part of his family until her death, most likely.

“You are going to have to meet her eventually,” you countered.

“And that will be a problem for future-me,” Lucas continued, “while present-me will simply enjoy his afternoon with his two closest friends.”

You rolled your eyes amusingly at his attitude and instead, decided to look over at the numerous papers scattered across Sicheng’s lap. You stole a glance over at him, confirming that he wasn’t paying you much attention before swiftly stealing a page from him.

“Hey!” Sicheng ended up exclaiming, but did not seem too annoyed or mad that you stole a page from him.

“Oh, don’t worry, Sicheng,” you reassured him and continued, “I was just curious about what you were working on so diligently that you did not feel like listening to how the love of my life is going to end up marrying another woman and I am left to be alone in this world for the rest of my life.”

One side of his lips tugged upwards. “That is a bit dramatic, don’t you think?”

You tilted your head at him. “This coming from a playwright?”

“Well, you know that I’ve always been one to prefer writing comedies over dramas.”

You laughed out loud at his retort, probably the most genuine one you’d let out in a very long time. You could see how surprised both men were at your laugh and how a hint of relief was hidden behind their smiles.

You had to wonder, just how much of a wreck were you this past year?

And how were you going to better yourself knowing that Hendery wasn’t going to be yours anymore in a matter of hours?

You didn’t want to worry your friends anymore.

“If it is not impudent of me to ask you, Duchess,” Sicheng started to say, piquing your curiosity as Sicheng never really addressed formally unless it was regarding an important matter. In fact, you made sure that he stayed casual with you. “Will you be attending the King’s wedding in two days?”

Your expression fell a little and you nodded slowly. “Yes, I will.”

Lucas almost did a double-take at your answer. “Why would you put yourself through such pain? You do realize that the invitation is just a formality, right? Hendery won’t blame you nor will he allow any reprimands against you for not attending it.”

“You are right in asking why I should put myself through this painful procedure.” You sighed tiredly and leaned back against your chair. “As painful as it will be, I must attend it,” you shot Lucas a look of resignation, one you hoped that he’d understand without any more words, “especially if I am planning on breaking free from him.”

He shook his head at you. “Your stupidity astonishes me.”

“I’d like to think that I am being rational, instead, thank you very much.” You turned to your other friend. “Sicheng, help a lady out?”

Sicheng chuckled deeply at your plea and threw away his quill pen onto the table, supposedly done with whatever he had planned to write. “I supposed it is not unreasonable for her to attend the wedding. It will allow her to close a chapter in her life, once and for all.”

“See, thank you,” you said as you motioned him with an outstretched palm. “Even Sicheng thinks it’s a good idea.”

“He’s a writer,” Lucas retorted with a sniff of his nose. “He believes in character development, or whatever that is.”

Sicheng snorted but did not refute His Highness’s claim.

“Can’t you just support me as my best friend?” you pleaded with clasped hands. “I know I will feel extremely miserable and lonely after the wedding but that’s why you are my best friend, isn’t it?”

Lucas cocked a questioning brow at you.

“So that you can take care of me as I drown in alcohol following the ceremony,” you answered, point blank.

The Duke simply shook his head and laughed in disbelief. He didn’t know if you were being plain stupid or extremely strong.

He decided that you could be both.

“The Palais-Royal’s wine cellar shall be at your disposal.”

“Why thank you. That was the answer I was looking for.” You turned to Sicheng who seemed amused by your whole interaction. “So, Monsieur Molière, why did you ask me that?”

Sicheng crossed his legs and leaned forward. “Well, for one, I was wondering if you’d like to attend the wedding with me.”

You tilted your head in confusion. “Well, I assumed that we were going to attend the wedding together…?”

Sicheng shrugged. “Just making sure.”

You chuckled and nodded at his request. “I’d love to, Sicheng.”

“Should I come and pick you up with my carriage or should we meet at the location?”

“We can meet at the location,” you quickly confirmed with him.

You were grateful that Sicheng asked you to attend the wedding with him. It gave you an incentive to not ditch the wedding party at the last minute. And so, wanting to change the atmosphere, you clapped your hands in excitement as Lucas’s servants finally brought out the afternoon tea and delicacies.

“So, Sicheng, tell us more about this new play you’ve been working on since morning, what was it called again? Dom Garcie de Navarre ou le Prince jaloux?”

“The jealous prince?” Lucas mused and brought the cup of coffee to his lips. “What an interesting title.”

It was the morning of June 9th, 1660.

The dreaded day arrived quicker than you thought.

You couldn’t sleep a wink the whole night and the next thing you knew, the sun had already risen. Your maid, Yuqi, helped you through your morning routine with worried eyes. Yuqi was more than a maid and was more like a close friend to you who refused to drop formalities, no matter how many times you had insisted that she didn’t have to be so formal or polite with you. But, that was just one of her quirks that just made Yuqi, well, Yuqi.

She could tell that you were disheartened and lifeless and although it wasn’t her position to do so, she was vehemently mad at the King for breaking his promise.

“What was he thinking? Sending you an invitation?” Yuqi huffed as she brushed your hair.

“Yuqi,” you said in a warning tone. “No matter his actions, he is still the king of this country. Don’t you dare disrespect him on my account or for any other reasons.”

She lowered her head. “I apologize, my Lady, it’s just–”

Yuqi paused. She probably didn’t want to say anything that might offend you even if the remark was not directed towards you.

“My Lady doesn’t deserve this,” she finally said in a whisper. “Your name should have been on the wedding invitation.”

You exhaled deeply, almost frustrated by your maid. “It is on the invitation, Yuqi.”

“What I mean to say is that your name should have been written alongside the King’s, my Lady,” she replied stubbornly.

It was a good thing that she was the only one allowed in your chambers today or else Yuqi’s words would have certainly gotten her into trouble if ever the other servants of the house were to hear and spread her words to the royal court.

“–not on the outside of the invitation, on the envelope, as an invited guest.”

While you appreciated her sentiment, you were tired of hearing the same thing over and over again. You hated to see the pity in people’s eyes, the scrutiny as they probably compared you to the Spanish princess. You lived through it all for almost a whole year, it was probably about time for you to stop pitying yourself.

You were going to show them that you were more than the King’s ex-lover. You amounted to more than that. You refused to be pitied by everyone anymore. And at that thought, you immediately raised your chin and told yourself that this was the perfect opportunity to display who you were truly.

Not just the King’s secret ex-lover.

You were you and you refused to be defined by your past relationship.

“Yuqi, bring out my diamonds,” you told her as you removed the pearl earrings from your ears and the pearl necklace from your neck.

Yuqi’s eyes shone at your words and almost dropped the hairbrush. “M-My Lady?”

You gave her a small smile, letting her know that you weren’t going to go down easily like that. “Well, I have a date for today’s wedding and I am not about to disappoint him like that. Wouldn’t that be just rude of me especially since the other party has graciously asked me?”

Your friend squealed and you almost curled up at how high her voice was. She didn’t waste any time and immediately took the pearl jewellery that you just removed before heading back to your walk-in closet, where most of your gowns, jewellery, shoes, and accessories resided.

“Are you going to change the gown you were supposed to wear as well, my Lady?” Yuqi asked as her head popped out from the door and she had a mischievous smile on.

You narrowed your eyes at her jokingly before you rolled them as you asked, “What do you have in mind, Yuqi?”

She giggled and brought out a gown that made your breath catch in your throat. “How about this one?”

You exhaled sharply as you got up from your seat. You slowly walked up to her and reached for the dress with shaky hands, almost as if you couldn’t believe that this dress existed. If anything, you almost forgot about it. Yuqi stood still with your gown in her hands but her face was one of confusion as if she didn’t understand your sudden drop of mood.

You didn’t blame her. After all, she didn’t know the history behind the precious garment she was holding.

It was your favourite one out of all the gowns you owned. Being the daughter of the King’s tutor, you had your fair share of custom-made gowns, made with the finest materials anyone could afford. But this one had a sentimental value.

Unlike your other dresses, this one was void of any patterns. It was a light golden dress, made with the finest silk and goldwork embroidery. It had an off-shoulder neckline that would show off your beautiful collarbone and your skin, with short full cartridge-pleated sleeves. And while it might look simple in other people’s eyes, you knew that, not only was it probably one of the most expensive gowns ever made, but it was also a gown given to you by Hendery when you had reached of age, a dress gifted to you on your 18th birthday.

It was such a precious gift that you never dared to wear it, in fear that it might get dirty or damaged in the process.

Until now.

While the gown was void of patterns, on the side of the bodice was sewed with a dark gold thread, a small appliqué of a sun symbol. It was almost invisible to the naked eye and only a person who would pay extra attention to detail (or to you) would notice it.

You wondered whether you should wear this dress.

Or ask Yuqi to get rid of it.

“I think that if you were to wear diamonds, my Lady, then this gown would make you even more radiant than ever!”

“S-sure,” you answered shakily as your fingers still continued to rub the garment’s fabric. “Let’s go with this one, then.”

Yuqi squealed again. “I just know that my Lady’s admirers will exponentially grow after they see you in this gown. It is almost as if it were made for you.”

You didn’t have the energy to tell her how true that last sentence was. So, you only offered her a kind smile as she helped you out of your nightgown and slowly into the golden silky dress. You didn’t dare to take a look at yourself until you were completely dressed up, scared that if you were to take a peek at yourself in a dress given to you by your ex-lover, you would immediately ask Yuqi to rip it off from your body.

So, you let her do your hair and accessorize you wherever possible. Yuqi helped you into a delicate pair of gold velvet shoes with squared toes for the final touch of your outfit before guiding you back to your vanity.

“I swear to God, my Lady,” Yuqi mumbled as she did your makeup. “When I’m going to be done with you, you’re going to dazzle everyone at that wedding!”

“Don’t overdo it,” you said in a warning but teasing tone.

“Please, I’m going to make you so staggeringly beautiful, you’re going to steal everyone’s attention away from the bride.”

“Yuqi.”

“Yes, my Lady?” she replied in an innocent tone.

You sighed and rubbed your temples. “You know what? Do whatever you want.”

“Fret not, my Lady. That is what I’ve been doing since the beginning.”

Almost a whole hour later and with some nagging on Xiaojun’s part, you were finally ready.

Yuqi did an amazing job as always, probably better than usual. She puffed her chest proudly as she forced you to spin around in front of the mirror so you could see how good of a job she did. You managed to muster a smile to show her: you truly did look wonderful in the dress that Hendery had gotten you.

But despite the gorgeous dress, the gleaming accessories, the shoes, and the beautiful makeup, you didn’t feel pretty at all. You simply weren’t able to match your mood to your outward experience, and you felt bad because you didn’t want Yuqi’s work to go to waste.

“Thank you, Yuqi,” you whispered as you stared at your reflection, that fake smile still plastered on your face.

But Yuqi didn’t seem satisfied with your response. If anything, she looked like she was about to burst into tears. Your eyes slightly widened at her reaction; you didn’t think that her feelings were going to be this hurt.

“Yuqi–”

“I’m so-sorry, m-my Lady,” she cut you off and sniffled. She frustratedly wiped her tears away and didn’t dare to look at you. “It’s just– I feel so sorry for you, my Lady. I’ve always dreamed of helping you prepare on the day of your wedding to the King, but to think that I’m doing it when he’s getting married to someone else–”

Your expression softened at her words. “Yuqi…” You took a step towards her and gave her a tight hug. “Why are you crying?” you asked with a small chuckle as you tried to comfort her. “I should be the one crying here, shouldn’t I?”

“No!” she refused adamantly with a shake of her head. “You cannot cry today. I won’t allow it!”

You raised a brow. “You won’t allow me to cry? Who are you, my mother?”

She blew her nose into the handkerchief you handed her. “If you cry, all my efforts are going to waste.”

“Geez, here I thought you were going to tell me that I shouldn’t cry because Hendery doesn’t deserve my tears or something.”

“That too.”

You threw your head back in laughter. And Yuqi seemed relieved by your reaction judging by how much she had calmed down already. You patted her head and said, “I should thank you, actually.”

“Huh?” she blurted. “What for?”

You shrugged your shoulders. “For making me look pretty, I guess? Without you, I don’t think I would have even gotten out of my bed this morning. Let alone be energetic enough to go through the trouble of dolling myself up for the wedding of my ex-lover.”

Your maid let out a breathless chuckle as she dabbed her eyes with the other side of your handkerchief. “You were pretty much a wreck for the past year, I guess.”

Your jaw dropped at her statement. “Yuqi!”

“Well, did I lie?”

You rolled your eyes. “No, you didn’t.” But you then held her hands tightly, hoping it was enough to convey the gratefulness you were feeling. You felt more than thankful. “Thank you, again, Yuqi.”

“It wasn’t just me, you know, my Lady?” She slapped her cheeks a few times as if to snap herself out of her crying spell. “If you weren’t beautiful to begin with, even with my skills, I don’t think I would have gotten the same results.”

While you understood that she was trying to joke with you, perhaps in an attempt to lighten your mood even more. But, she didn’t have to, anymore. Even though it wasn’t much, you sincerely did feel slightly better. At least for someone who was going to attend her ex’s wedding.

“No, Yuqi.” You squeezed her hands again. “Thank you for shedding tears in my place.”

“Finally!” Xiaojun exclaimed as you made your way downstairs to the front door. “Any longer and the horses would have fallen asleep waiting for you.”

“Funny,” you deadpanned as he helped you into the carriage, where your father was already in and waiting for you. You nodded in greeting as you took the seat in front of him. “Good morning, Father.”

Your father turned his head to you from the window, worry evident in his aging eyes. You couldn’t tell whether what he truly felt as a man torn between his duty to the king and his duty as a father. You told yourself that you had worried enough people already.

You gave him the brightest smile as you could as Xiaojun entered the carriage after you.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t join you guys to the Isle of Pheasants,” you started to say as the carriage started moving. “How was the trip? I heard that the weather was nice that day. Were you two able to hunt for a little bit?”

Xiaojun gave you an indescribable look.

You blinked your eyes. “What? Is it not hunting season yet? I can’t say that I’m very well versed in whatever you men do. Who still hunts in this time and age?”

Your older brother was probably going to reprimand you when he opened his mouth, but he was immediately silenced by your father’s hearty chuckle. You two looked at each other before looking at the older man with a look of concern. You didn’t have to ask him why he was laughing.

“I’m glad to see that you’re feeling better,” your father admitted. “I was a bit worried when we came back from Pheasants Island and you weren’t here to greet us back. But I’m glad to see that I have raised a strong daughter. I’m proud of you, my dear.”

The words your father had just uttered to you seemed to have hit something deep in you. Those were the words that you kept repeating to yourself ever since Hendery admitted that he was going to get married to the Spanish princess, almost a year ago.

Words that you kept repeating to yourself every day.

Words that were slowly breaking you apart from the inside.

Because strong was the furthest thing you could possibly be or feel, at the moment.

All you ever wanted to do was cry and admit to your father that you were not the strong daughter he thought he had raised.

Admit to Lucas that he was right and you were wrong for accepting to go to Hendery’s wedding.

Admit to Hendery that you were a fragile thing whose heart broke at the news and couldn’t recover ever since.

Admit to yourself that perhaps, you would never be able to have the ability to love again.

Because you simply couldn’t imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with a man who was not Hendery.

A man you knew who couldn’t make you happy, unless that man was the King of France.

But what was the use of admitting those weaknesses?

Would it help you in any way?

Would it bring Hendery back to you?

Admitting those weaknesses publicly would only make others pity you.

And pity was a cause for regret or disappointment.

Two things you had never felt as you were in a relationship with the King.

You never regretted being in a relationship with him nor had you ever felt disappointed in any way by him.

And you refused to let others dictate how you should feel about your feelings.

So, the only words you could utter to your father, in the strongest voice you could muster at the moment, were, “Thank you, Father.”

Xiaojun looked at you weirdly, as if he didn’t believe those were your true feelings. But you told yourself that out of everyone who should remain unaware of those exact feelings were your older brother.

You understood how important Hendery’s friendship was to Xiaojun. While your father was too busy with his duties, Xiaojun was left juggling the roles of a father, of a mother, and of an older brother. As a kid, you were slightly mistrustful of others, always sticking yourself to Xiaojun like glue. Although he had never resented you for it, deep down, you knew that he longed for some sort of normalcy that would allow him to act like a normal boy without any responsibilities.

His friendship with Hendery allowed him to do so.

And who were you to take that away from your older brother?

Because you knew that if you were to admit to Xiaojun just how truly broken you were over the young King, Xiaojun would never forgive his best friend. While he must have had an inkling to how much of a turmoil you were in for the past year, without your confirmation, Xiaojun was able to continue living his life in ignorance.

And you know what they said.

Ignorance was bliss.

Keeping Xiaojun in the dark was the least you could do for him.

“You know you don’t–”

“–have to attend the wedding,” you completed his sentence and bobbed a shoulder. “I know. But I have a date, so it would be rude of me to abandon him without any notice, wouldn’t it?”

Both your father and your brother’s eyes bulged out at your sudden confession. You couldn’t blame it. After all, you said those words as if it was nothing. Nothing worth mentioning to them until the very last minute.

“Well, who is this man?” Xiaojun continued to pester you with questions. “And why haven’t we been told of this?”

You couldn’t admit it to either of them that up until this morning, you were really contemplating on whether you should fake an illness to not attend the wedding. But then you thought about Sicheng and how he must have taken your feelings into consideration, asking you to be his date so that you wouldn’t feel lonely at your ex’s wedding. You couldn’t possibly abandon him like that, either.

“Sicheng,” you answered bristly. You didn’t want them to make a big deal out of this.

“Sicheng…?” your father wondered out loud with a hand rubbing his chin. “As in the playwright, Molière? That Sicheng?”

“Do we know any other playwrights named Sicheng?”

Xiaojun furrowed his brows. “I never knew that the nature of your relationship with him–”

“–is actually none of your business,” you cut him off. “But, thank you for the concern. And while it is very much appreciated, may I also say that it is also very much unnecessary?”

Both your father and older brother’s eyes widened in surprise at your coldness. You refrained yourself from sighing and apologizing for your actions. They already meddled in your last relationship (granted, they weren’t the only ones to meddle, either), you didn’t want them to meddle in this one—not that you expected your relationship with Sicheng to go beyond anything platonic. But if ever it were to go down that road, you’d rather play it safe.

You cleared your throat and asked, “Are we there yet?”

Xiaojun blinked away the initial shock and looked outside. “We should be there soon.”

The rest of the carriage ride flew by. While you could do without the awkward tension lingering in the air, you appreciated the silence your family had provided you as you all were on the way to Hendery’s wedding. That silence allowed you to think about how you were going to greet the young king and his new wife.

Everyone knew how close your family was to the royal family. To act cold and distant would be too suspicious and might come off as too disrespectful regardless of your past relationship with Hendery. But to act all friendly and accepting would mean that you were admitting defeat.

But… weren’t you?

You found yourself at an impasse. If you weren’t admitting defeat and letting go of Hendery, then what were you supposed to do in your current situation?

You haven’t spoken much to Hendery ever since that night, when you two agreed that parting ways would be the best.

But, was it really?

You shook your head mentally: it wasn’t good for you to think or regret decisions that were already made. The logical and mature thing to do in your situation would be to just suck up and accept reality. However, were you really able to accept a reality where Hendery wasn’t part of your life? When you spent more than half of your life with him?

The more you thought about it, the more you thought Hendery’s promise could still be kept, just not in the original, intended way.

You exhaled sharply as you made up your decision. You were going to have to speak to Hendery privately when you were going to see him. The only iffy part was to figure out a way to meet up with him privately in order to convey your true thoughts, which was something you hadn’t really been able to do.

But that would be a problem for you would have to deal with when you were to confront it.

The carriage arrived at Hendery’s private residence. Your father went down first, then Xiaojun, then you as your older brother helped you down by holding your hand. Your eyes immediately went to the decorated château and the numerous gorgeous flowers that decorated the path that would lead you to the palace’s entrance.

Oh, what were you thinking?

This was a terrible idea.

It was already too late for you to turn around and go back inside your family’s carriage as it was already being driven away by one of the palace’s valets.

“Welcome, Duke Nicolas de Neufville de Villeroy, Sir Xiaojun de Villeroy, and Mademoiselle de Villeroy,” the King’s servants greeted you all as you entered the palace.

Your father motioned your servants to come forward with the gifts your family had prepared. “These are the presents our family has prepared for His Majesty and Queen Maria Theresa,” he said and you swore there was a small flash of anger in his eyes as he muttered the next words, “as congratulations for their wedding.”

You three were guided to the gardens, where it was decorated as magnificently as the front of the palace. Classical music played with tables filled with food and desserts dominated your view. People immediately started whispering amongst themselves at your appearance and you could only wish to dig yourself a hole at the moment.

But, against your expectations, Xiaojun grabbed your hand and held it tight before muttering to you, “Keep your chin high. You haven’t done anything wrong or shameful.”

Xiaojun’s words made you see him in a different light. While he could never outwardly criticize his best friend, the King, he could certainly voice out on whose side he was. And you were more than grateful that Xiaojun was on your side.

“Thank you,” you whispered to him before you sneaked your hand into the crook of his arm.

You two followed your father to greet the royal couple and Queen Anne, who were all sitting on a man-made stage, under the shade as people were paying respects to them. Xiaojun patted your hand reassuringly as your turn came closer and closer.

“The Honourable Duke Nicolas de Neufville de Villeroy and his children, Sir François Xiaojun de Villeroy and Mademoiselle de Villeroy!”

You unintentionally squeezed Xiaojun’s arm as you held your head high and you stood behind your father who bowed to Hendery whose expression remained cold and stoic as he ordered him to stand up. You reluctantly let go of your brother to curtsy, your eyes not daring to meet Hendery’s when you were given permission to stand again.

For a second, just a tiny fraction of a second, you swore you saw a hint of sadness and longing flash through Hendery’s golden brown eyes. But you quickly ignored it as you knew that the walls you had built around you would crumble the second you’d acknowledge that perhaps, Hendery was in the same turmoil as you were.

However, you realized too late that it was a mistake.

Because as you turned your head away from the young king, your eyes met Queen Maria Theresa’s, who was staring directly at you without sparing a glance over at your brother. Her expression was as unreadable as Hendery’s. She gave you a gentle smile and a small nod as you were about to retreat. You could only respond with a shaky one.

Was Maria Theresa’s expression any indication that she knew of your past relationship with her husband?

The last thing you wanted was trouble from the new Queen. If anything, you would prefer to avoid all contact with her at all cost, whenever possible. But logically, you knew that wouldn’t be possible given that you and your family were important members of Hendery’s court. But you wondered if you could be made an exception.

You heard someone exclaim your name as you were being guided to your table, hidden under a large parasol, by one of the servants.

“Sicheng!” you exclaimed back as the writer made his way to you.

“Duke Nicholas, Sir Xiaojun,” your friend greeted your family first before giving you a bright smile as he complimented you, “You look… amazing. I have no words to describe just how painfully gorgeous you are, today.”

You smiled back and teased him, “Should I consider it an honour that I have left a writer speechless? It’s not everyday that my appearance could make a writer forget his words.”

“You got that right,” your friend replied back with a good-natured scoff.

You shook your head at his playfulness. “Did you just arrive?”

“I’ve arrived just a bit before you,” Sicheng answered and then asked you with a lopsided grin, “Would you like to dance?”

You looked back at your family, wondering what their reaction would be, but they paid you no mind. You took that as their acceptance, even though you weren’t asking for their permission. However, it was nice to see that they had approved of Sicheng, for now.

“Of course,” you replied as you let Sicheng lead you to the dance floor.

Your friend did an amazing job at keeping you distracted. You didn’t know whether it was intentional or not, but you were eternally grateful to how thoughtful he was. Sicheng was always so attentive to your needs, always making sure that you were comfortable amidst a crowd that was perhaps not too warm about your attendance.

For a brief moment, Sicheng made you completely forget about Hendery.

But while it was something that you wanted, it was also something that made you feel like a piece of you was missing; an ache in your heart that you couldn’t seem to relieve no matter what you did. And subconsciously, you knew it was because Hendery had taken a piece of your heart away and had never given it back.

Upon that realization, you resorted to drinking your sorrows away under the worrying eyes of Sicheng and Lucas.

“Alright, that’s enough,” Sicheng said as he took away your wine glass, causing you to whine but he remained stoic in his stance. He then used your name sternly, something he had never done before, making you sober up just the slightest. Did you perhaps anger Sicheng? He always had a good temperament, so you must have crossed a line if he got angry a little.

At your expression, your friend sighed and gave you a reassuring smile. “Don’t fret, I’m not mad at you—just worried. Drunk isn’t a good look on anyone, especially not on you. And especially not when you should be showing to others that this wedding isn’t affecting you as much as they think it is.”

Sicheng was right, as always.

He turned to Lucas who seemed grateful that he was able to stop you. Knowing Lucas, he would have felt bad for you and would have allowed you to drink until the wee-hours instead. And him, drinking by your side, of course. “Do you think you can prepare a room for her to rest until the ceremony later, tonight? People are starting to pay more attention to her and I don’t think that’s what she wants.”

The Duke immediately nodded. “Of course. I’ll get the servants to prepare her usual chambers.”

It didn’t take long for the royal servants to prepare your room. It wasn’t surprising that you had your own room in Hendery’s château but you would have never thought either that you’d be back in here.

“Rest,” you heard Sicheng say as he and the servants helped you into the bed. “I’ll come back and wake you for the ceremony.”

“Wait–”

“And I’ll inform your father and Xiaojun as well, don’t worry.”

You smiled lazily as your eyes started to droop. “Thank you, Sicheng, for everything. I don’t deserve you.”

You already fell into a deep slumber by the time you had completed your sentence. You didn’t register Sicheng’s last words before he closed the doors to your chambers. You didn’t know for how long you were asleep but you woke up to tender hands that stroke your hair, filling you with a warm tenderness you haven’t felt in a long time.

As you opened your eyes, the sight surprised you so much that you wondered if you were still asleep. Did you drink so much to the point where you couldn’t even distinguish fiction from reality?

You didn’t dare to hope, but you also couldn’t help yourself from calling out, “H-Hendery?”

At the sound of his name, the King smiled tenderly at you. You took in the position the two of you were in: Hendery lied next to you with his arm around you while your head laid on his chest and you had an arm over his body.

You immediately pushed yourself away from him and you almost regretted your action when you saw how hurt Hendery seemed.

And at that, you couldn’t help but think how selfish and cruel he was.

“Don’t do this to me,” you ended up whispering with your arms around your body, shielding yourself.

Hendery opened his mouth, closed it, then opened it again to only say with a resigning smile. “You look absolutely splendid.”

You took in his outfit. Hendery wore a dark suit with golden embroideries and frills. You once discussed with him that you wanted him to wear a white suit with golden embroideries and frills. You wondered if wearing the opposite of what you wanted was intentional on his part or not.

“You would have looked better in white,” you responded, not daring enough to ask but Hendery knew what you meant. He always did.

And he didn’t disappoint you.

“My white suit is reserved for another occasion,” he replied. “For only that one occasion. I can’t possibly waste it for today.”

“Today is your wedding.”

“No, it is not.”

“Did you perhaps get amnesia on your way here or something?” you added with a humourless chuckle.

“Whatever the others call it, this is not the wedding I’ve wanted,” he said as he slowly approached you almost as if he was afraid that you’d slip away from his fingers. “The wedding and marriage that I’ve always wanted, that I’ve always imagined ever since I was a kid—they were with you by my side. You were supposed to be my betrothed, no one else.”

“Your Majesty.” You sighed tiredly as you rubbed your temples. “We’ve been through this already.”

You were so, so foolish.

So foolish for allowing your heart to beat and yearn for this man, once again.

But the heart wanted what it wanted.

“I miss you,” he said, barely above a whisper, almost as if he was afraid of admitting it out loud to you.

You held back your tears, refusing to give yourself in when you forced yourself for the past year to forget about him.

“I missed you,” he repeated as he approached you and held you tight in his arms, “so, so much. No words are enough to describe this emptiness that I felt for the past year without you by my side.”

Without any of his courtiers around, without your family and friends, without anybody around the two of you, only then did you allow yourself to be vulnerable in front of the man you still loved. There was no point in continuing to deny your feelings, not when it did more bad than good.

“I missed you too,” you admitted with a sob.

It wasn’t just the feeling of being reunited with Hendery that caused your waterworks. It was his scent, his warmth, his heartbeat, his presence that made you realize how much you longed for Hendery. It was simply everything you wanted and needed. And while he was yours in the moment, you knew that he wasn’t anymore.

You fisted the back of his suit, not knowing how you were going to let him go after this—just how exactly were you supposed to find someone new after this?

Deep in you, you knew you didn’t have a choice. But you chose to selfishly relish in this moment, especially if it meant that Hendery was yours just for a little while longer.

Your palms felt clammy as you made your way to the Queen’s room.

Only a week had passed since Hendery’s wedding to Queen Maria Theresa of Spain (or was it France now?). You had seen Hendery a couple of other times since then, but always in secret as much as you hated it. But if that was the only way for you to spend time with Hendery, so be it.

A part of you felt a twinge of guilt whenever you thought of the foreign Queen who believed that Hendery was loyal to her. But, God, how could you forget the most important fact?

You were the mistress.

You were the third person in this marriage.

It didn’t matter that Hendery was yours first. The matter of fact was that Hendery had married another woman. On paper and in front of the French people, his official wife, the Queen of France, and the one by his side was her and it could now never be you.

She had the kingdom and the status.

You had Hendery.

And despite that, he could never be yours officially.

Whatever that was between you and Hendery was now an affair. And if his people were to discover it, you were going to be the villain in this story. You were never one to condone two-timing because you wouldn’t want to be the one being cheated on. But it seemed like everything related to Hendery made you irrational, foolish, dumb.

You couldn’t figure out why the new Queen would summon you. You barely exchanged any words with her, let alone getting close to her enough for her to ask you to visit. The only thing that made sense was that against all odds, she had discovered the affair between you and Hendery and was now going to punish you for it.

You unconsciously rubbed the sides of your throat, not knowing how to feel about this whole ordeal.

What were you going to do if she were to confront you about this?

You were powerless against her and it wasn't as if Hendery could come to your defense either.

Perhaps this was a sign that you should have kept your distance. You should have never allowed yourself to be weak the second you were in the same room alone as him.

If Maria Theresa was a nice person, she might ask you to leave him.

If she wasn’t, she could very well execute you.

You had to consider that last possibility and wonder whether staying with Hendery was something worth dying for, worth ruining your family’s reputation for.

Mistresses were no strangers in the history of France. Hendery’s father even had a few before he passed away. So, it wouldn’t be too much of a scandal if you were to be announced as Hendery’s mistress. But the issue was whether you could accept that or not.

Why should you be known as Hendery’s second woman if you were by his side, first?

However, you quickly shook those thoughts away. You couldn’t risk thinking as such. Why were you overthinking about something that wasn’t a problem?

Yet, you bitterly thought to yourself. It wasn’t a problem, yet.

You hated it when your heart conflicted with your mind. Wasn’t your father the one who taught you that you couldn’t have your cake and eat it? But you just had to stubbornly think that you would have to cross that bridge when you have to. For now, you only hoped that Maria Theresa hadn’t summoned you because she had discovered the illicit affair between you and Hendery.

(You still weren’t able to call him her husband, when you’d always thought that Hendery was going to be yours.)

“Mademoiselle de Villeroy!”

You gulped your nervousness down and subtly wiped your hands against your dress. You held your high as you made your way to Queen Maria Theresa. Though, you immediately averted your eyes when you met her gaze and curtsied until she gave you permission to rise.

Whether you liked it or not, you heard a lot about Maria Theresa of Spain from the gossipy court (and of course, from Lucas). You found out that she had lost her mother at a young age, then her older brother followed the matriarch soon after. You also heard that her father’s second marriage was one that left her unhappy and alone in Spain.

You could see the similarities between her and Hendery, but you had to pretend not to notice them as a twinge of guilt started to take over a piece of your heart.

Lucas told you that Maria Theresa wasn’t beautiful. You had a feeling that he was just trying to make you feel better. You’d seen her at her wedding and you thought that she was quite a beauty (to which the Duke replied that all ladies looked beautiful on their wedding day, only to realize belatedly that his comment wasn’t helpful at all). The gossipy court didn’t think that their Queen was a beauty, but they did admire her Hapsburg ancestry and her gentle and demure nature.

But she was.

So beautiful that you couldn’t understand why Hendery would choose you over her when Maria Theresa had everything to give him and to make him the most powerful man on Earth.

The Queen ordered her court to leave the two of you alone in her tea room before asking you to take the seat next to her as she started pouring some tea into your tea cup.

You nodded at her request and shakily made your way to your seat, carefully sitting down with your hand over the other on your lap, not daring to move unless she had said so.

“I’ve heard much about you.”

Your breath caught in your throat at her words. You blinked away your nervousness as your heart pounded so loudly that you could hear blood rushing in your ears. The ruby ring Hendery had given you back on his wedding night seemed so heavy and felt as if it was burning against your chest, hidden underneath your dress.

“Your Majesty?” you responded in a breathy voice.

Her gentle demeanour did an 180 and was replaced with a cheerful and excited one. The change was so abrupt and unexpected that you were startled by the Queen. “I was so excited to hear that one of Louis’s best friends was a girl!”

Louis.

You internally sighed to yourself when you heard her use Hendery’s first name. But you also hated yourself slightly at that fact, as it kept reminding you that the married couple couldn’t be as close as the Queen wished to because of you.

“His Majesty said that?” you asked.

The young queen rolled her eyes. “No, that man doesn’t tell me a single thing. I only found out about you when your brother, Sir Xiaojun, came over a couple of days ago and I kind of asked him if you were his wife or his significant other and God! You should have seen Hendery’s face at my question, it was as if he was horrified by it! And to be honest, I thought that his reaction was a bit suspicious.”

You could only chuckle awkwardly, wondering just what you did exactly to deserve this (but you knew the answer—it was quite obvious and “it” was sitting right in front of you).

“Aha?”

“But then, I understood that he was horrified because you were actually Duke Xiaojun’s little sister! I mean, who wouldn’t? I was horrified by my own mistake as well but your brother reassured me that I have done no wrong.”

Your smile tightened as you thought about where this conversation was going. You could only hope that the Queen could get to her point so that you could leave here quickly. Even though Maria Theresa had asked her servants to leave the tea room, you couldn’t help but feel like you were still being watched.

“Your Majesty called me over… because you wanted to tell me that you’ve mistaken me for my brother’s… wife?”

Maria Theresa snorted as she took a sip of her tea. “Well, when you put it that way. But that’s not the only thing! I’ve asked you over because I wanted to be your friend.”

Your friend.

You wondered what kind of sick joke this was.

“M-my friend, your Majesty?” you repeated, hoping that she’d understand the absurdity behind her request.

Was she really asking you to be her friend?

Did she know that you were still seeing Hendery?

Did she even know who you were and what you truly were to Hendery?

“Well, us ladies got to stick together!” she replied, appalled. “How do you expect me to be left alone with not only the King, his little brother the Duke, and your brother? So, to find out that there is a girl amongst our ranks is like finding an oasis in a desert!”

You bobbed your head in thanks, though you were unsure if she meant it as a compliment or not. “Thank you... for your kind words, your Majesty.”

The Queen grabbed your hands and clasped them tightly. “So, what do you say?”

Could you even refuse the Queen’s request? You made a mental note to yourself to explain to Hendery and to advise him that you two should be more cautious and to keep the visits to a down-low.

So, you could only give her a fake, bright smile and an unsure nod. “Of course, your Majesty. I would be honoured.”

She squealed in excitement and your eyes slightly widened. Did you hear wrong from the courtiers and servants? Where in the world was this gentle queen you’d heard about? Because as far as you were concerned, the lady sitting besides you was far from the elegance everyone was talking about.

“Call me Maria,” she abruptly said.

“P-pardon me?” You almost choked on nothing. You could already see Lucas laughing at your situation. “I couldn’t possibly–”

“We’re friends now, aren’t we?” she insisted. “And friends should call each other by their names!”

“I-if you insist, your Majesty.”

She immediately tutted at you.

“I apologize. I meant to say… Maria.”

Maria (God, you were never going to be able to get used to being on first-name basis with Hendery’s wife) smiled brightly at you before finally releasing your hands and poured you another cup of tea.

“So,” she said. “Tell me about your love life!”

God helped you.

As much as you hated it, you kept refusing to attend the secret meetings Hendery had invited you. It simply didn’t feel right to sneak inside his château while his wife was literally a couple of rooms away. Not to mention, the last thing you wanted was to get caught. And while that risk had always been there ever since you and Hendery decided to rekindle your romance, it never hit you as hard as now, as you were now friends with his wife.

You could tell that Hendery was getting more and more frustrated. Not just because you kept ignoring him but also because you knew that he needed you by his side, to rant and to blow off some steam. You remembered him complaining to you about how hard things were as King, especially now that he was married and was seen more as an adult and therefore had more responsibilities to shoulder than ever.

Your presence brought him a sense of comfort that he couldn’t receive from anyone else, even from his wife.

But you two weren’t the only ones who were antagonizing.

With your blossoming friendship with Maria Theresa (you still couldn’t call her by only her first name so you resorted to calling her by her full name), you were victim to her never-ending rant sessions about how her husband didn’t pay any attention to her. While at the beginning of your friendship, you were inwardly smug about the fact that those times were spent with you rather than her, now you only felt pity for the young queen.

You cursed at your softening heart. You were not supposed to become… fond of the Queen. Not when she had taken almost everything from you. But you also had to remind yourself that you were not entitled to anything: Hendery’s promise to you, while it had kept you two going for a few years, was nothing but empty words now. Even that ring he had given you was starting to lose its meaning as more time passed by and Hendery showed no intentions of divorcing Maria Theresa.

You almost snorted at the thought of Hendery divorcing Maria Theresa. It had been almost six months since the wedding and Hendery had never mentioned that he was going to divorce her despite him reassuring that the two of you were endgame.

Ha, if only that were the case.

But even though your hope was starting to dwindle, your love didn’t. You didn’t want to give up Hendery and you didn’t think you ever could.

And almost a whole six months after Hendery’s wedding, you two were still going on strong despite how little you’d seen each other, how little time you’d spent together. All of his time was for Hendery to spend with the Queen as they were newlyweds. Hendery reassured you that he had never touched her except for that one instance on their wedding night, where he didn’t have a choice.

You understood, but it didn’t mean that it hurt any less when he told you about it. At least, he was honest about the matter. And you made him promise that he wasn’t allowed to touch anyone else but you, to which Hendery agreed quickly and reassured you with kisses all over your body that he wasn’t interested in anyone else but you.

Time flew by ever since Hendery was promised to another woman and Christmas time came.

Your family had been invited to Hendery’s château for a Christmas party by the royal family. As it was a formal invitation, you couldn’t feign sickness and stay at your family’s hôtel particulier with Yuqi. You weren’t sure whether you’d be able to handle a party with the rest of Hendery’s family and court. Not to mention how Maria Theresa was probably looking forward to your attendance.

“What were you thinking? Becoming friends with her?” Hendery mumbled to you as he handed you a drink and covered your shoulders with his navy blue and white fur cape.

You came out to the balcony for some air and Hendery followed suit after making sure that no one was following him. Lucas and Sicheng were doing a good job at keeping Maria Theresa entertained and your father was speaking with Queen Anne.

You rolled your eyes as you accepted the drink from him. “What was I supposed to do? Refuse? And then what? Wouldn’t that be more suspicious, if anything?”

Hendery exhaled sharply. Your heart twinged in pain as you noticed his baggy eyes and solemn look. He looked more exhausted than usual. Was something going on with the kingdom or his family that he wasn’t telling you?

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. “I’m just… frustrated. Every other year, I can hold your hand, embrace you, keep you next to me without any other person blinking at my actions. And now, if I were to do the same…”

He trailed off. You didn’t need him to complete his sentence to know what he meant.

You quickly looked around and behind to see if anyone was going to come and get you two. When you confirmed that no one was going to disturb you any time soon, you boldly grabbed hold of Hendery’s hand and squeezed it tight.

You understood the frustration and helplessness as you couldn’t treat Hendery like he was yours, so you could only hope that your hand’s warmth would provide him enough comfort. You didn’t dare to overstep your boundaries in a place where you two could get caught at any given moment.

You heard Maria Theresa calling for Hendery, so you immediately dropped his hand and distanced yourself away from him.

“Hey, guys,” the Queen peeked her head out and rubbed her arms as she stepped out to the balcony. You saw the slight narrow of her eyes at the cape that covered your shoulders but it disappeared as quickly as it appeared. “What are you guys doing out here? It is so cold.”

“Just catching up,” you replied and removed Hendery’s coat to only place it over hers. “Your Majesty, you shouldn’t have come out like this. You’re going to catch a cold.”

“Honestly, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Maria!” the Queen chastised you. “And come in here, you’re also going to freeze to death if you don’t get under this coat!”

You couldn’t even get a word out when Maria Theresa pulled you towards her and forced you to share the fur coat with her.

Hendery’s expression slightly tightened at your actions. After all, you gave his coat away when he gave it for you to use. But what did he expect you to do when the Queen noticed that her husband’s coat was used by a woman other than her?

“I’m heading back inside,” Hendery abruptly announced. “You ladies enjoy your time together and don’t stay out too long.”

You wished that you could spend more time with him, but seeing him in person was enough. It had to be enough.

“It seems like Louis still doesn’t like me,” Maria Theresa declared after Hendery had left and sighed before giving you a tight smile. “Even though we’ve been married for six months now, he only touched me once and never again.”

You bit your bottom lip as you didn’t know how or what to respond to your friend’s revelation. While she always complained about the lack of attention on Hendery’s part, she had never explicitly told you that they weren’t doing anything in bed, either. You felt a mixture of delight and disgust, and then joy and guilt. Was Maria Theresa hinting something at you?

“How am I supposed to tell Mother and the court that it’s impossible to get me pregnant since my own husband refuses to touch me?”

“Maria…” You put a hand on her shoulder, hoping that it’d comfort her somehow. You were never one with words and you had never been in her position, either. Your words would have felt empty, especially considering how they were going to be from Hendery’s mistress and not from her friend.

A real friend wouldn’t do that to their friend, right?

“His Majesty… it takes a while for him to warm up to new people,” you ended up saying. “He didn’t exactly have the most conventional childhood that allowed him to socialize and befriend people, you know?”

She sighed again. “Of course, I know.” She turned to you with a raised brow and pursed lips. “Was he also like this with you?”

You blinked.

“You know, when you two first met? Was he always this… cold?”

You clenched your fist as you allowed it to drop from her shoulder and looked up at the starry night sky. You exhaled sharply and could see your breath evaporate into the air as you mumbled to her, “His Majesty… when I saw him for the first time as a child, I thought that he must have been lonely. He had always been beautiful, intimidating, and cold. And yet, for some reason, he had always reminded me of the sun. So warm, generous and compassionate towards his family, friends, and people. But just like the sun, he’s always shining, too bright for the naked eyes, but also so far away.”

Maria Theresa remained silent at your words and you were scared that perhaps you had revealed too much. So much that she might have seen a glimpse of your true feelings for the King. However, you couldn’t lie about your feelings. You were already lying about your relationship and if you were to lie about how you felt about the King, then it would also seem like your relationship with him was bound to be doomed.

“So, don’t feel too dampened if his Majesty is a bit standoff-ish—it’s in his nature,” you quickly continued. “Just like the sun, let him warm up to you. It might take some time, but trust me when I say it’s worth it.”

The Queen abruptly hugged you tight, to which you awkwardly tried to mirror her. “Thank you so much. I’m so happy that you’re my friend.”

You squeezed her back, hoping that she didn’t catch how your body froze at her words. “Of course. Anything for your Majesty.”

She slapped your arm jokingly as you two pulled away from each other. But you ignored the aching pain in your heart and linked your arm with hers before dragging her back inside as it was getting too cold.

You two went back inside just in time for the gift exchange. You were guided back to the dinner table, where all the food had been cleared up and was replaced with a small heap of beautifully wrapped gifts and small delicacies to pair with a cup of warm coffee. Your father and Queen Anne sat respectively at the end of the long rectangular table whereas you sat in-between Sicheng and Xiaojun, whereas Hendery sat directly in front of you, between Lucas and Maria Theresa.

Usually, the reigning royal couple should be seated at the ends of the table, but out of respect for the elders, Hendery gave way to them. Hence, that was how you ended up sitting in front of your King.

As you were the youngest of your group of friends, you were thus the last one to receive your gifts from everyone else. Xiaojun bought you a beautiful red coat, the colour as deep and rich as wine, perfect for the winter season. Lucas, like every year, gifted you a small amethyst bracelet charm to add to your collection, each stone commemorating a whole year of meaningful friendship.

Sicheng’s gift, unlike the others, was not as beautifully wrapped or extravagant looking. His hands shook a little as he handed you a stack of paper, tied together with a red bow, and the papers decorated with thousands of lines and strikes. You tilted your head in confusion, wondering what exactly he gave you. Rather than feeling perplexed, you were left with a feeling of curiosity; that red ribbon was begging to be untied and the papers to be read in a single night.

“It’s a story,” he explained quickly, abashed and with a hand rubbing the back of his neck. “An unpublished one for you.”

Your mouth fell a little in surprise. “You… wrote a story… just for me?”

“W-well, yes, I mean, it’s not completed yet. I’ve only written the first part and–”

You brought the stack of papers to your chest and hugged it tight. “I love it, Sicheng. Thank you so much.”

Then it was the royal couple’s turn.

Since the gift exchange started, the couple came as a set. They gave gifts as a set and received gifts as a set. Even Lucas bought a gift for the couple and not for each of them individually. You weren’t sure whether that was a snub towards his brother or not, but knowing your best friend’s personality, you wouldn’t be surprised.

So, you prepared yourself to receive a gift from both of them. No more gifts that Hendery carefully selected for you with your interests in mind. No more gifts on his part that tell you how much he loved you. But all of those didn’t matter—you couldn’t even give him a gift without everyone else being suspicious of your actions anymore.

“Here you go!” Maria Theresa exclaimed happily as she handed you a box. You immediately opened it and gasped when you saw the most beautiful pair of red heels, decorated with red and white lace, and even rubies.

“Thank you so much, your Majesties,” you thanked the both of them, but looking at the Queen’s reaction, you assumed that she was probably the one who picked them out. So, you directed your question to her, “How did you know that rubies are my favourite stones? I don’t recall telling you this.”

“I didn’t,” she replied with a big smile, seemingly genuinely happy that you liked your gift. “His Majesty did though and suggested that we should go with something like this.”

So, you gave him a small nod that hopefully conveyed your gratitude. “Thank you, your Majesty.”

However, Hendery’s expression remained indifferent and he barely acknowledged your thanks. Your face stiffened a little at his lack of expression and you wondered if you did anything wrong. Was he mad about your friendship with the Queen? Or was he still mad about how you shared his coat with her earlier on?

“I have a gift for you,” Hendery ended up saying.

You were taken aback and quickly tried to recompose yourself at his statement. “Aren’t the shoes a gift from your Majesty, as well?”

He shook his head and motioned a servant to come forward. “No, this one is from me personally.”

At your slightest panic, you quickly stole a glance over at Maria Theresa who seemed even more taken aback than you, then at the Queen Mother whose expression hardened as the servant came forward with what seemed to be a huge bouquet of flowers.

Hendery took the beautifully wrapped bouquet and handed it to you, unmoving from his position until you shakily accepted the floral gift.

First, you felt confused by the second gift. Why on Earth did Hendery give you a second gift in public? Couldn’t he have done that at another time? But knowing him, he was a stickler for your tradition. If he were to give you a Christmas gift, it had to be given on Christmas.

Second, you felt fear. You were afraid of what the others would think of you, of Hendery personally giving another gift to a member of his court. And that was all you were supposed to be; the daughter of a high-ranking official of his court. Nothing more.

And lastly, you felt relief. It was just a bouquet of flowers. It couldn’t mean more. Perhaps if Hendery had gifted you jewellery or a gown like he did for your 18th birthday, that might have raised some eyebrows in the room, not to mention the small wave of gossip it might cause amongst his staff and servants.

While the bouquet was humbly wrapped yet huge, the flowers exuded a sense of delicateness and beauty that you’d never encountered before. Hendery knew of your love for flowers and gardening—the interior court of his château was proof—but he never really bought you flowers before. So you were both pleasantly surprised and glad that he had decided to give you something simple this year.

“Whoa, wait,” your brother then piped up out of nowhere. “I’ve never seen those flowers before. Where on Earth did you even get them from?”

Your brows furrowed at Xiaojun’s statement and you took a closer look at the rich blue little flowers with consistent bright yellow eyes in the centre of the flora. They seem rather simple and humble, not as extravagant and meaningful as roses, for example. At least, that was what you thought.

“Aren’t those myosotises?” your father asked in clear awe.

“Myosotises?” you repeated.

Hendery cleared his throat and looked away from you all as he answered, “They’re also commonly called forget-me-nots,” he stole a quick peek at you and then turned away, “and they’re flowers native to the African continent. That is why you might have never seen them before.”

You were completely astonished by his revelation, not to mention you didn’t miss the little glance he gave you as he pointed out that the flowers were forget-me-nots. Your heart squeezed at the beautiful meaning behind his gift, delighted by the thoughtfulness behind the flowers. But then, your temporary high came crashing down as you realized that perhaps Hendery’s gift was not as subtle as you thought it was initially.

Maria Theresa seemed to be holding back from saying something, judging by the way she chewed on her upper lip and the way her hands fisted the skirt of her dress. However, the Queen seemed to have quickly regained her composure and gave you a bright smile, as if the bad mood she was in just a couple of seconds ago never happened.

“What a wonderful gift!” the Queen gushed. “They must be one-of-a-kind.”

“T-thank you again, your Majesty,” you sputtered. “I will take good care of them.”

His expression immediately softened as if pleased that his real gift really did make you happy. “I heard they are relatively easy to maintain, but feel free to ask the royal gardener for any advice if you ever need it.”

You curtsied slightly. “Thank you for your Majesty’s kindness.”

However, your wish that the evening would come without any mishaps was left unheard.

The wishful thinking on your part backfired and you could barely hold the breakfast down in your stomach as only two days after the Christmas party, you were once again summoned to Hendery’s château. However, this time, not by Hendery or by Maria Theresa, but rather, by Queen Anne.

The one person who was the most against you and Hendery’s relationship from the start.

Unlike with Hendery or even Maria Theresa, one did not simply refuse the Queen Mother’s summoning. And truth to be told, the whole journey to the château almost felt like an execution, with every passing minute felt like you were closer to your death.

You didn’t dare to inform your family or Lucas or even Hendery about the Queen Mother’s summons. You didn’t want to spring around accusations either. Perhaps, the older woman wanted to have coffee with you. Throughout the whole carriage ride, you were trying to convince yourself that the reason behind her summoning couldn’t, hopefully, be because of her eldest son.

Even when you knew that it was most likely the case. She normally wouldn’t spare you a glance unless it concerned him.

The Queen Mother’s chamber was dead silent, so silent that you could hear a pin drop. It even seemed like her servants were being more careful than ever, cautious to not anger the matriarch more than she already was. But you had a feeling that your presence and depending on how you were going to reply to her were going to worsen the already cold atmosphere.

“You think you are so sly, don’t you?”

Her voice and statement felt like knives against your chest, causing you pain as your breaths became shallower and shallower by the second. She didn’t even beat around the bush.

Queen Anne knew.

“Leave him.”

Not a suggestion, but a demand—an order that left no room for negotiation.

“I don’t need to tell you what could happen to your family if you don’t do as I say, do I?”

You breathed out shakily and shook your head, your eyes facing the floor, unable to raise your head and face the matriarch. A turmoil of emotions washed over your body as her words continued to hit you where it hurt most.

Shame, guilt, anger, frustration, regret.

But, you simply didn’t have it in you to defend the love between you and Hendery anymore.

And while you were certain that Hendery was going to hate you for the rest of his life if he were to find out about this, you would rather that he directed his hate towards you rather than his mother. You knew that he couldn’t possibly forgive his mother for meddling into the one thing he had never allowed her to meddle with, even if in the end, he was married to someone of her choice.

Staying with you was his choice and his only.

If Hendery were to break up with you, it had to be on his terms and not on his mother’s.

You didn’t know how to feel about that fact. All you knew was that you couldn’t allow Hendery to do this to his mother especially since they had a close bond forged by the death of King Louis XIII when Hendery was younger.

So, you lowered your head even further and gathered all the remaining courage left in your body as you uttered your one and only request to Queen Anne.

“I understand,” you affirmed, “but, please give me two more months with him.”

You stared right back at her, unwavering.

“Two more months and I will break things off with him.”

She stared right back.

“Very well.”

The very next day, you headed for Lucas’s Palais-Royal to tell him what went down between you and his mother.

For as long as you remembered, Lucas had never gotten angry in your presence; him with his easy going personality and nonchalance. No matter what you did, he had never shouted at you for your sheer stupidity.

And for some reason, you decided to change that.

Lucas’s expressionless face was one that you had never seen before, but also one that reminded you just exactly whose son and brother was he. While Hendery resembled his mother more than his father, Lucas was the opposite and it almost seemed like the previous King’s features were copied and pasted onto the Duke’s face. However, it was this moment that just reminded you that he was also Queen Anne’s son.

“You did what?”

You gulped down your nervousness. “I–”

“No, I know what you did,” he replied with a calmness that scared you to the bones. “What I don’t understand is why you agreed to my mother’s bullshit request.”

“Request?” You chuckled humourlessly. “More like it was an order, so I didn’t really have a choice when you think about it.”

Lucas got up from his seat. “This is ridiculous.”

You quickly held him back. “Wait, where are you going?”

“To go see my mother, of course.” He gave you an incredulous look as if he was confused why you were questioning his actions. “She can’t threaten you about your family like that!”

“Don’t!” you almost barked before turning to Sicheng who remained quiet since the beginning. “Sicheng, please, talk some sense into him.”

Your writer friend, ever since the beginning of your friendship, had always taken your side no matter what. You could tell that he understood the reasoning behind your demand, why you didn’t want Lucas to go and confront his mother about this. Though, for the first time since then, Sicheng hesitated. He always had your best interests at heart and not once did he ever judge you for staying with Hendery even though the latter was a married man.

However, was there any point to your relationship with the King if you didn’t become Queen in the end?

Lucas and he agreed that there was none as it could only lead to heartbreak if Hendery didn’t make you his officially. But, knowing the state of affairs and Queen Anne’s feelings about you, anybody would be an idiot to not know that it was practically impossible for that to ever happen.

Sicheng could see the determination in your eyes, see that you were resolute in upholding your end of the bargain. But looking at your track record, could he really take your word for it?

All he ever wanted was for you to be happy.

Lucas believed that you could attain that happiness as long as you stayed with his older brother. But the playwright could tell that this illicit affair was slowly taking a toll on you, gradually sucking the life out of you as you were too busy worrying about getting caught. Sicheng wondered whether this was truly the relationship that you wanted, that you imagined when you first got together with Hendery; the life that Hendery supposedly promised you.

“You should listen to her for now, Lucas,” Sicheng sighed. He only hoped that you wouldn’t come to regret this decision in the end.

Your friend was sure that even if your family were to be led to ruins by the royal family, Lucas would still be able to do everything in his power to keep you and your family safe no matter what. And perhaps, you knew that too.

He thought that you were simply too selfless, too good for your own good, that even if you were okay with being annihilated by Queen Anne, you could never forgive yourself if your family’s reputation was destroyed because of you.

“Are you sure that is what you want?” Lucas inquired, his tone oddly soft.

“Positive.”

Lying to your friends was becoming second-nature to you.

But, it turned out that you were better at lying to yourself.

Two months had never passed so quickly before and the next thing you knew, the deadline you had given to both yourself and Queen Anna was coming up soon.

It was the month of February and therefore, your birthday.

Your family had planned a birthday party and had invited some family friends but also the royal family. And so, because you were not available on your actual birthday, Hendery had managed to take some time off from his royal duties to come and visit you at your family’s townhouse to celebrate your birthday, just the two of you. Albeit, in secret.

However, despite the sense of impending doom slowly creeping up your body, you managed to muster the happiest smile on your face as you were finally able to spend some alone time with your significant other.

You thought you had seen it all, but watching the King of France trying to sneak into your room without getting caught by your family or your servants was quite something—a memory you were sure to remember until your death.

You held your giggles in as you quickly ushered Hendery into your room, the King never looking this frightened before.

Yuqi, God bless her soul, managed to bring to your room everything you had asked her for the romantic evening ahead. Your maid was aware of your continuing relationship with the King. You had an inkling that she didn’t approve of it but only because she was concerned with your well-being. After all, she was the one who took care of you as you remained in your bed for a whole week, unwilling to eat, drink, or even bathe. Yuqi could, however, tell that these little moments secretly shared with Hendery brought you joy, as temporary as that feeling was.

All night, you two spoke sweet words to each other over a romantic candle, surrounded by the most beautiful red roses Hendery had secretly sent over to your place. For a moment, it really felt like it was only the two of you in the world. And you could only hope that this moment would last forever.

The clock chimed at midnight and Hendery curled a hair strand over your ear as he whispered, “Happy birthday, my love,” before fondly pressing a gentle chaste kiss against your lips.

“Thank you,” you mumbled against his lips and gasped when he presented you with a small red velvet box. Big enough to contain a pair of earrings or a bracelet, but not small enough to contain a ring. You opened it and you were right: it was a pair of earrings.

At a first glance, they didn’t seem to be anything special. You didn’t expect Hendery to give you a pair of expensive jewellery, but that was usually his pattern. With a closer look, you realized there was something familiar with them. They were your typical teardrop earrings, with a small pearl connecting to a hexagonal shape encrusted with more pearls. However, you realized belatedly that there was something else within that hexagonal shape.

You whipped your head around, your mouth slightly ajar upon the realization. “Are those–” You took another look at the earrings just to be sure. “Are those real pressed flower earrings?”

“Would I give you fake ones?” Hendery shot back cheekily.

You jokingly punched his arm. “I’m being serious! And these blue flowers– They’re the same ones you’ve given me for Christmas, right? The forget-me-nots?”

Hendery’s smile grew. “Yes. They’re one-of-a-kind.”

Your heart melted at his gesture. “You shouldn’t have, your Majesty.”

His expression immediately turned sour. “No, I should be doing more for the love of my life. I should be able to pamper you, smother you with kisses every day, wake up next to you for the rest of my life—those were things that I’ve promised you. And now, I cannot fulfill them anymore. So, the least I can do is ensure that you will love your birthday gift.”

He was wrong.

There was one thing he could do that would guarantee to make you happy for the rest of your life. But, you were still too much of a coward to voice it out, to tell Hendery what you really wanted, because your relationship was just not the same anymore. And therefore, you couldn’t talk to him like you did before. And so, you had to keep your mouth shut. In fear that it might change the nature of your relationship and the last thing you wanted was for Hendery to slip away from you, yet again.

“Thank you,” you repeated and pressed kisses to his whole face. “I’m going to treasure these for the rest of my life.”

He cupped your cheek tenderly and rubbed circles on the apple. “I know this is all very stressful and confusing to you, but I do have a plan in mind that will allow us to stay together for the rest of our lives without repercussions.”

His revelation knocked the air out of you. “Y-your Majesty?”

You didn’t dare to hope as your hand instinctively went to the ring he had given you, worn on your finger only in his presence.

Hendery pressed another kiss against your lips. “I swear, everything will end up just fine. Just please be patient. I’m doing everything that I can at the moment, and in the future, all of the promises that I’ve made to you will be fulfilled.”

At his words, your heart swelled with the slightest hope. Could you really trust his words?

But, time was ticking.

Two weeks have passed since you spent your birthday with Hendery.

It was already the night of your party and the deal you had made with Queen Anne was going to expire soon enough. But you didn’t have it in you to end it when you had the opportunity to see him the other night, not when he was so sweet and happy to finally spend some alone time with you. And you weren’t about to go and lie to yourself that you didn’t want to spend that precious time with him, either.

You were sick of lying to yourself.

Was it possible for you to… lie to the Queen Mother?

You could tell Hendery everything that had transpired between him and his mother. Perhaps convince him to lie about your relationship too. After all, the Queen Mother didn’t have to know.

You were adamant in continuing your relationship. The determination that washed over your body two months prior was gone and all it was left was that childhood dream that you and Hendery could finally end up together. If it weren’t for his words and his request of you to stay patient because he had a plan in mind, tonight would have been the last day of your relationship with him. You would have broken up with him on the night of your birthday party.

You weren’t going to lie to yourself, it was pathetic of you.

But sometimes, love made you do stupid things.

And this was one of them.

The party was a bore. Your father and Xiaojun were too busy making rounds and keeping the royal family entertained. But at least, Lucas managed to sneak away from his mother and the royal couple to keep you company.

Unfortunately, Sicheng wasn’t able to make it because his troupe needed to rehearse for Dom Garcie de Navarre ou le Prince jaloux, the play he had been working on for the past year and was finally published this month. The play was so well-received that Lucas immediately requested that his troupe put on a play as soon as possible. Sicheng, however, promised you that he would make it up to you soon enough.

“The deadline is soon approaching,” Lucas reminded you. “How are you going to tell my mother that you and my brother have officially broken up? Or is she just going to assume that you held onto your word?” Lucas did a double-take. “Wait, are you even going to tell her? I doubt that this is something that you would just send a letter about and it’d be ridiculous of her to summon you to the castle just for this.”

“Too many questions, Lucas,” you mumbled with a hand to your forehead. “And I’m neither drunk nor sober enough to answer any of them.”

A look of concern immediately took over the Duke’s features. “Are you feeling sick? Have you had too much to drink?”

“Perhaps,” you answered as you rubbed your temple.

It wasn’t just the alcohol. It was the people, the gossip, the royal family, the pressure—it was all simply too much for you to handle on the night of your party. You couldn’t refuse your father’s request for a birthday party, but you didn’t expect this many people to show up, either.

As your father paraded you around and as you received everyone’s birthday wishes, you felt like a Greek vase on display in a museum. Pretty to stare at, but passive as the people stared and scrutinized you from afar. Never daring to touch and only there to see. There was just so much you could take.

The second you heard a familiar female voice call you, you immediately plastered a fake smile onto your face, so quick that Lucas snorted into his wine goblet.

“Your Majesty!” you greeted her with a small curtsy.

“I have something to tell you,” Maria Theresa announced to you with a big grin. You would have thought that the party was for her and not you judging by how bubbly and happy she seemed. She then shot a glance over at Lucas before adding a quick, “In private.”

“In private?” you repeated.

You looked over worriedly at Lucas. Was it something related to Hendery? Gauging at how untroubled Maria Theresa seemed to be at the moment, it couldn’t be because she had discovered the affair between you and the King, not to mention, looking at royal etiquette, something that she would do at a birthday party.

“Excuse me for a second then, Lucas,” you told your best friend as you got whisked away by the Queen.

You brought her to your room, where you thought would be the most private space in the townhouse, and you had asked Yuqi to kindly leave the two of you alone and to only come and disturb you if someone were to look for you. And while your maid remained courteous towards Maria Theresa, you didn’t miss the look of resentment hidden behind her usually kind eyes.

“No one should disturb us here,” you told her as you closed the doors to your room. “Your Majesty?”

Maria Theresa immediately whipped her head around and looked at your ears, more specifically your earrings. The Queen then put on a smile. “Yes?”

Your eyes went over to your vanity, where the bouquet of forget-me-nots Hendery gifted you for Christmas was displayed and where the Queen was looking at just a few seconds ago. You managed to keep it alive for two months straight now, thanks to your constant attention and advice from the royal gardener. However, you didn’t expect the flowers to last this long.

Though, you were initially worried as to why the Queen would pay so much attention to a simple bouquet of flowers. Granted, they were a gift from the King, but a gift that didn’t necessarily scream of opulence. She shouldn’t have anything to worry or suspect about.

And so, you brushed your concerns away and cleared your throat. “You said you had something to tell me in private?”

“Right!”

You motioned her to sit with you on the edge of your bed. The Queen followed suit and grasped your hands as soon as you took a seat, startling you in the process.

“We did it,” she simply said.

“Pardon me?”

“The King and I finally slept together!”

You immediately dropped her hands in shock. A buzz of pain shot up from your heart to your brain, worsening your headache. The words that then came out of Maria Theresa’s mouth didn’t seem to register in your brain as everything seemed to move in slow motion. Your brain automatically shut off everything that surrounded you and for some reason, focused on the pain, on the devastation that threatened to overcome you.

You clenched your hands, hoping that it’d distract you from the numbing pain that threatened to overwhelm you. But you had no choice but to cut yourself off from your own emotions; you weren’t allowed to feel this hurt because you were in the wrong ever since you had decided to continue to entangle yourself with Hendery.

You forced the bile down your throat and gave the Queen the brightest smile you could muster at the moment. “That is great news, your Majesty! Does this mean that we will be expecting a prince or princess soon?”

Maria Theresa mirrored your enthusiasm. “Maybe, who knows?”

Your smile tightened. “Well, your Majesty always told me that his Majesty had always refused to touch you ever since your wedding night. This is good progress.”

She clasped your hands again, somehow unaware of the great turbulence hidden behind your mask. “Thank you so much for your words from a few months back. You told me that I should be patient with his Majesty. I was and look at us now!”

You gulped and lied through your teeth. “I’m so happy for you.”

Following the Queen’s divulgence, the rest of your evening seemed to pass slower and slower. You reunited with Lucas but refused to tell him what his sister-in-law had just disclosed to you. The Duke could tell something was wrong and was unrelenting as he tried to coax it out of you. But you simply weren’t in a joyful and celebratory mood anymore that you almost lashed out at him. However, you managed to keep your emotions barely in check and asked him to simply leave you alone for a while.

You managed to escape to your hôtel particulier’s gardens, a small safe haven to you, so to speak. The smell of the flora and the wind always managed to calm you and ground you whenever your emotions were in a turmoil and thus, didn’t allow you to think as logically and rationally as you wished. February’s weather had calmed down a little and thankfully, it wasn’t as cold as you expected. Xiaojun’s Christmas gift came in handy and kept you warm regardless.

“What is the birthday girl doing out here in the cold?”

You slowly turned around to see Hendery walking towards you with grace and poise. It bothered you slightly that he looked unaffected by his own actions, the complete opposite of what you were feeling currently. While you felt confused and deceived by his lack of transparency and his betrayal, you were conflicted by your own feelings as you weren’t sure whether you were entitled to feeling this hurt or not.

Staying with Hendery meant that your emotions couldn’t be seen as valid because you were the mistress and you were in the wrong. And pushing and ignoring those feelings was slowly starting to chip away at who you were and it was becoming detrimental to your mental and physical health.

“The earrings look good on you,” Hendery complimented you as he curled a strand of hair around your ear. But his expression fell as soon as he realized that you weren’t in a good mood. “What’s wrong, my love?”

You took a deep breath. “Maybe we should break up.”

Hendery’s hand froze still. He slowly retracted his hand and took a step back. You pretended that this action didn’t hurt you. But after promising you that he would never touch a woman other than you and breaking that very promise, it was too easy to hide that temporary pain.

“What did you say?” asked Hendery.

You looked away from him as tears threatened to fall from your eyes. “I’m saying that maybe we really weren’t meant to be together.”

“Y-you–” Hendery started to say and shook his head vehemently. “No, you don’t mean that. What happened to your promise? To promising me that you’ll stay patient as I sort this out?”

“Hendery,” you called him out in a pleading tone. “I know what I’ve promised you. But do you?”

The King seemed shocked by your response as if unexpected. He probably didn’t think that you were going to confront him especially since you’d been so understanding and considerate of everything that had happened since the day you found out that he was going to be married to another woman.

But what he didn’t realize was that you shouldn’t have to be this understanding because you were the other woman. And you were sick of tip-toeing around, never knowing whether a future for you and Hendery was viable or not.

“I’m trying my best–”

“I know. I know you are–”

“Are you saying we should break up?”

Hendery’s question left the two of you in a pregnant silence. A question that reflected the reality that the two of you were in. While you were too much of a coward to ask him about whether he actually slept with Maria Theresa or not, or why he had to sleep with her, you also didn’t understand why Hendery simply didn’t want to come clean to you about it. You were more hurt by the fact that he kept this hidden from you.

“I-I don’t know,” you replied back. “I don’t know what I want.”

But Hendery seemed frustrated with your response. “My love, just talk– Talk to me, please. Weren’t we doing fine just two weeks ago? Weren’t we happy?”

But his ongoing spurt of questions left you more exhausted than ever as you came up without any answers to them. And your future together that then became so muddled when he got married now got even more darker as there was the possibility that he had sired a son or daughter. And getting married to Hendery and having his children were all you ever wanted and dreamed of.

And that dream was snatched away from you.

Happiness was simply not enough for you anymore, to continue living in-between the grey zones of your relationship with the King. You needed more and now you were starting to think that the love of your life wasn’t able to give that to you anymore.

And apparently, your silence was the only thing Hendery needed to walk away from you.

“Please, my Lady,” Yuqi pleaded. “Just please have something. An apple or grapes, just please.”

You and Hendery hadn’t been in contact ever since the night of your birthday party. While you knew you were partly—mostly—at fault, you couldn’t help but hope that he’d be the one to contact you since he was the one who walked away from you.

But perhaps, you were the one who walked away first.

You also thought to yourself that it was hypocritical of you to wish that Hendery would contact you again when you were the one who wanted to end things. And while you were willing to end things, you were still unwilling to let him go as if something was still holding you back from leaving him completely.

“I’m fine,” you mumbled as you read through the “book” that Sicheng had gifted you for Christmas. “I’m not feeling hungry.”

“My Lady–”

A knock on the door to your chambers interrupted her. Your maid sighed and went to open the door while you hoped that the interruption would keep Yuqi away long enough that it would stop her from asking you to eat or drink again. However, she quickly came back and her expression seemed to have done a complete 180. Gone were her woes and a sly expression confronted you instead.

“Yes, Yuqi?” you said, your eyes still stuck on the same page as earlier. Sicheng’s writing was impeccable as always but you couldn’t really focus with Yuqi pacing around you.

“A letter came from the royal palace,” Yuqi announced and then added with a small cough when she noticed the slightest twitch of your brow, “from his Majesty.”

Your head couldn’t help but whip around at Yuqi’s news and your eyes wide in both relief and surprise. You were slightly dumbfounded at your own actions so you quickly cleared your throat and went back to Sicheng’s gift as if nothing happened. Your hand, however, instinctively went out and your fingers wriggled, motioning Yuqi to hand the letter over.

“Only after you eat something,” Yuqi ordered.

You scoffed in slight disbelief. “Excuse me?”

“My Lady heard what I’ve said.”

You narrowed your eyes at her and she kept her nose up, refusing to back down. You couldn’t win against Yuqi, knowing how stubborn your friend was. So, you huffed out in exasperation and went to the small dining table in your room reluctantly. “Fine. I’ll have some yoghurt and berries.”

“Good.”

After Yuqi made sure that you were filled to the brim with the amount of yoghurt and berries she had forced you to eat, she finally allowed you to read the letter Hendery had sent you, requesting your presence at his château whenever you were done with your breakfast. So, you immediately headed for his place while thinking of what you could possibly say to him in your carriage.

Fifteen minutes proved to be insufficient as you still had no clue of what to say to Hendery when you were to meet him. You could only hope and think that he summoned you because he wanted you two to reconcile. However, your joy was left in the dust when the person who had met you in the room you’d been ushered in was none other than Maria Theresa.

“Your Majesty!” you blurted out in surprise and quickly curtsied. What was she doing here? “How have you been?”

The look on the Queen’s face was indescribable, an expression that seemed foreign to you as she had always been friendly with you.

“Great,” she muttered with animosity. “But I would feel even better if you left my husband.”

Your body went still as ice filled your veins. Did your ears just play a trick on you? Your brain struggled to process what the Queen had just asked you, but it struggled even more to truly understand the gravity of the situation you now found yourself in.

“I-I don’t–”

“Don’t know what I’m talking about?” Maria Theresa scoffed with a roll of her eyes. It was daunting for you to see her act this way, but a part of you understood why. “You must have thought of me as a fool. To think that I considered you as my friend. I can’t believe you’d do this to me.”

Your mouth opened and closed like a gaping fish. Anything that you’d say to her at the moment would just sound like excuses to her. There was no way you could justify why you went behind her back, why you decided to betray someone who considered you as a friend, especially when she had done nothing but be kind to you.

“I’m sorry,” were the only words you could say.

“I heard,” she said with a sniffle, “from the gossipy people from the court. About how his Majesty had someone he was completely smitten with ever since he was a boy, about how he promised her that he’d take her as his wife, and about how I might be the Queen of this country but I would never be the Queen in his heart—I know everything.”

You remained silent.

“I didn’t believe them,” she continued. “I didn’t believe them until Queen Anne told me about it.”

You swallowed hard at her revelation. What was said between you and the matriarch; you had expected it that it was confidential, that it remained between the two of you. And while you may have told Lucas and Sicheng about the deal, you didn’t expect Queen Anne to say anything to Maria Theresa as you thought she would have acted in her daughter-in-law’s best interest.

Telling her daughter-in-law that her son was having an affair with one of—if not, perhaps, her only—friend was something you thought Queen Anne could keep because she wanted to protect Maria Theresa. But in turned that, more than anything, she just wanted you out of the picture. Even if it meant destroying every relationship that Maria Theresa had as long as you were not part of the royal couple’s life anymore.

You supposed that what you did to the Queen of this country was plain wrong and you understood that your actions were unforgivable.

The time you had left with Hendery was just borrowed time anyway.

It was a cruel way to separate you and Hendery.

But you supposed that you had no right to get angry nor betrayed. After all, you were the one who backstabbed the Queen. Whatever punishment that came your way, you didn’t have a choice but accept it.

“I didn’t want to do what she had asked me to do,” Maria Theresa confessed. “But then, I thought it wouldn’t wouldn’t hurt anyone to put Queen Anne’s ruse in place. I trusted you and well,” she scoffed to herself with her eyes up, “you just had to go ahead and prove me wrong.”

Your eyes blinked repeatedly. “A r-ruse?”

“The night of your birthday party at your family’s townhouse,” she continued. “I told you that the King and I finally slept together—that was untrue. We never did.”

Your heart constricted at her confession. You couldn’t believe that Maria Theresa lied to you about that. But more than anything, you thought that you were such a heinous human being for believing a woman you had just met over the love of your life; over Hendery, whom you knew and loved since you were barely a teenager.

Hendery didn’t deserve someone like you who would doubt both his words and actions. And more importantly, you hated yourself for not communicating properly with the King even though he had begged you to just talk to him.

It was all your fault.

“I’ve had my suspicions, you know?” she told you. “Whenever we speak of your family, he would always bring you up and would always speak of you fondly. He always had that soft and gentle expression whenever you were brought up as the subject. But along with that soft and gentle expression was this face stricken with both love and grief. An expression he had never used with me or to me. The King had always been good at hiding it since he had always acted so closed off to me. But, do you want to know when he slipped up?”

She didn’t allow you to answer her rhetorical question.

“Following our conversation at your birthday, you and the King disappeared together for a while,” Maria Theresa said. “I perhaps had an idea of what might have gone down between the two of you. Neither of you are particularly good at hiding what you feel or think. And that night, when we went back home, his Majesty slept with me. That was when he slipped and I was finally allowed to have a look in his heart.”

You held your tears in as much as possible, the truth hitting you harder than expected.

You had driven Hendery to the edge, had driven him to perhaps do something that he might have regretted. But you had also driven him to do something completely unforgivable and cruel to someone who loved you and who loved Hendery more than anything in the world. Amidst the procession of your grief and pain, you couldn’t even see that your unwillingness to talk things out with Hendery—to really break up with him— ended up hurting more people than you had originally accounted for.

“And now, I am pregnant.”

“I–”

You closed your mouth and bit your bottom lip. What were you supposed to tell her? How were you supposed to feel? Were you supposed to feel happy for the Queen? Or were you supposed to feel dispirited because her pregnancy simply meant that Hendery was getting further and further away from you.

Amidst your conflicting emotions, you forced yourself to say, “C-Congratulations, your Majesty.”

Maria Theresa snorted at you in disdain. “Spare me the fake good wishes.”

And while she spoke to you in a voice full of anger and contempt, her expression stopped matching with the negativity connotation hidden in her words.

Like you, the Queen tried to hold her tears in. You didn’t know whether she was disconsolate because of the aftermath of finding out that her husband cheated on her or whether because she was about to lose a friend. You didn’t dare to even consider that last possibility—you had no right to.

“I really liked you, you know?” Maria Theresa mumbled under her breath with a sniffle and laughed in disbelief. “And I can’t believe that I’m about to say this, but I still do. I still like you despite what you’ve done to me.”

“I’m sorry,” you kept repeating, almost like a mantra, and brought a hand to your mouth as you tried to contain your sobs. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry–”

“After finding out about your affair with my husband, I felt like such a bad guy.”

You shook your head. “No–”

“I felt like I was the one in the wrong,” she admitted and waved her hand around. “Like, I was the third person in the relationship because you two were already together way before I came into the picture and now, have to break up because of me.”

You closed your eyes as you didn’t have the guts to face her anymore.

“It destroyed me when I saw myself that way. But it didn’t take me long to understand that I wasn’t the one in the wrong. I never was. And while I know that both you and his Majesty did this together, I cannot fault him as I love him. I love him so much that it is almost unbearable sometimes.”

And you understood that feeling so perfectly. That feeling of always wanting the love of your life loyal to you, of having him stay by your side, of wanting to continue to be basked upon by Hendery’s love. Deep down inside of you, you had considered her as your friend. And the guilt that slowly ate you up for the past couple of months was proof of your ever-growing fondness for Maria Theresa.

It had always been Hendery for you.

But perhaps now, it was time for you to acknowledge that Hendery wasn’t yours anymore and that he now had to be King Louis XIV for Maria Theresa and their future child.

Gone was the kid who ran around in your family’s hôtel particulier’s courtyard with you, Xiaojun, and Lucas.

Gone was the boy who lost his father at a young age and found solace in you.

Gone was the young man who asked you to be his.

And gone was the love of your life.

It was time for you to let go.

That was why when Maria Theresa asked you, “So, please, I’m begging you. Please leave him.”

You could only say,

“I will.”

Right after your conversation with the Queen, you immediately went to the King’s room as it turned out, the invitation was from him, but Maria Theresa managed to catch you right before your meeting with Hendery.

Your mind was a mess as you tried to think about all the possible ways of telling him that it was time for you two to end things. You hated that tiny part of you that hoped that he wanted to fix things with you, but your rationality beat your feelings for once: this simply couldn’t go on anymore as you just didn’t want to hurt anyone anymore.

You didn’t want to hurt yourself anymore.

“My love,” Hendery called you as soon as he entered his chambers and headed for you in a frenzy.

You immediately got up from your seat to stop him, but he suddenly engulfed you in a tight embrace. You were about to stop yourself as you recalled Maria Theresa’s last request of you, but you knew you were going to uphold your end of the bargain this time. So, you allowed yourself to embrace him back as you recognized that this was perhaps going to be the last time you would be allowed to embrace Hendery.

“I’m so sorry,” he said to you, agitated. “I’m so sorry, my love, I don’t know what I was thinking, leaving you like that on the night of your birthday. Truly, I don’t know what came over me that night. I–”

You forced yourself out of his embrace, surprising him. His brows rose in shock and then furrowed as you distanced yourself from him again.

“My love, what–”

“It’s alright, Hendery,” you said with a crestfallen smile and a tight heart as you knew where this conversation was going. “You don’t have to apologize. You did the right thing.”

“The right thing?” Hendery repeated, bewildered. “What kind of man leaves his woman–”

“The kind that’s already married,” you cut him off mercilessly. “The kind that shouldn’t have involved himself with another woman when he’s rightfully married to his wife!”

Your outburst shocked the two of you. It was never your intention to raise your voice at him, but he had to understand that everything was just too much for you and while you still had strong feelings for him, it simply wasn’t right for you to continue down this path.

You crossed your arms as you took a step back from him. “We shouldn’t do this anymore.”

Hendery shook his head frantically and tried to reach for you. “No. No. Don’t you dare say that to me again! I refuse to listen to this! I– No, give me one good reason why we shouldn’t be together anymore!”

“She knows!” you burst out and threw your arms in the air. “Your wife knows that we were seeing each other. Isn’t that reason enough?”

“No,” Hendery firmly replied. “I don’t care about what she thinks. I don’t care about her.”

You scoffed at him. “And you care about me?”

Hendery’s eyes widened in incredulity at your question, as if he couldn’t believe that you would doubt his feelings ever. “Of course I care about you!”

“Then, why didn’t you marry me in the first place?” you confessed your true feelings, knowing that they would hurt you both. “Why didn’t you convince your mother that I was enough? That you didn’t need to marry the princess from Spain to end the war?”

“You know I couldn’t–”

“Do you even know how I felt when you told me that you were going to marry someone else just a few weeks right after you proposed to me?” you asked with trembling lips. “How I felt as I watched Maria Theresa walk down the aisle and marry the man I thought was going to spend the rest of his life with me?”

The emotions you held since the beginning burst out like a dam and you cried as you finally let them out. You cried in relief; relief that you didn’t have to suppress these emotions anymore.

“Your mother– She–” You took a deep breath to calm yourself. “She knows. She knows that we were still seeing each other after you got married. She wasn’t sure but we somehow confirmed her suspicions at the Christmas party. The next day, I was summoned to her chambers and she told me to break things off with you–”

Hendery’s brows furrowed in anger. “Wait, is that why you–”

“No! I– I told her to give me two months and then I’ll end things between the two of us–”

“But–”

“Listen to me, please!” you reiterated. “I told her to give me two months but it was just a lie. I was prepared to put my life on the line if it meant that I could spend the rest of it with you. But,” your breath shuddered. “But then, your wife told me that you two slept together. On the night of my birthday party. You slept with her.”

A sense of panic washed over Hendery’s body as he frantically approached you. “No! That didn’t mean anything to me. Trust me when I say that it was meaningless. I–”

You recoiled away from him slightly and exhaled sharply as you looked away from him. Hendery had always been your soft spot and you just knew that you were going to give in to him again if you were to face him properly.

“Well, meaningless or not,” you croaked. “The matter of fact is that she is now pregnant with your child.”

“No,” Hendery refuted, his eyes shaking. “You’re breaking up with me because of my mother, not because of the fact that she got pregnant.”

You shook your head furiously, desperate to make him understand that you didn’t want to do this as much as him but you were left with no choice.

“Please, Hendery–”

“Do you know why I’m inclined to think so?” Hendery replied back. “It’s because I went to see my mother. I went to see her and she told me about the little deal between the two of you. I knew everything from the beginning.”

“You– you what?” you sputtered. “You knew? You knew? And you didn’t tell me?”

“I waited for you to tell me!” Hendery snapped with a hand to his temple. “That night, on your birthday, and you wanted to break things off. I asked you, I pleaded with you to just talk to me and you refused. What was I supposed to do?”

You crossed your arms in defense. “That’s not the point! Why did your mother even tell you about that deal in the first place?”

Hendery went silent, his expression turned desperate and lonely as he admitted to you in a soft voice, barely above a whisper. “I… I went to see her to ask for permission to marry you.”

Your jaw fell open slightly before you shut it back. “Marry me? You’re already married! Unless… unless you’re planning on divorcing–”

The tiniest of hope got crushed by his next words.

“No, I cannot divorce her,” Hendery said and ran a frustrated hand through his hair. “France still needs Spain’s resources in case another war breaks out in the future. The relations between the two countries are too important. Not to mention I cannot divorce her when she’s pregnant, it wouldn’t look good on me or the French royal family.”

You backtracked. “W-wait, you knew? You knew that she was pregnant?”

Hendery pursed his lips. “I found out about it just a few days ago.”

You laughed humorlessly to yourself. You felt like such a fool.

“When were you going to tell me that you got your wife pregnant?” you questioned in quiet anger. “Actually, no. How dare you ask me to marry you when your wife is pregnant? When you can’t even divorce her!”

“Be my mistress,” Hendery cut you off and looked more determined as ever. “Marry me and become my official mistress. Then, we don’t have to sneak around anymore and we can still be together.”

You felt suffocated as tears started to slowly drip down your cheeks. “Do– do you even hear yourself at the moment? How could you ask me to become your mistress when you promised me that I was to become your wife!”

“You would do it because you love me.”

His words knocked the breath out of you.

“You would do it because you’re the love of my life and I’m yours.”

Because you couldn’t believe how untrue they were.

You couldn’t do this anymore.

The bittersweet pain that came with being with Hendery while he was legally married to someone else was too much to bear. At first, it brought you to an unbelievable high that made you never want to come back down.

But now, it made you wish that you never reached for it, to begin with.

“No,” you said and looked down. “No.”

How silly of you to forget that you were supposed to be the love of your own life.

“My love–”

You finally looked up at him and felt a pang of guilt when you saw that his expression mirrored yours. He looked more broken than ever with his eyes devoid of light and his cheeks stained with tears. You’d always hated it whenever you were the cause behind his pain.

But that was just it.

You two weren’t supposed to cause each other pain, not when you two were supposed to love each other. You didn’t want to stay with him because you loved him. You didn’t want to get stuck in a never-ending cycle of always questioning his love, of always being scrutinized and hated by the Queen and the court, of always being second to Maria Theresa.

You wanted to be freed of this.

“I’m sorry,” you sobbed into your hands. “I’m sorry, but I can’t be your mistress. I don’t want to be your mistress. I– I deserve more—and better—than this, Hendery. I– I simply cannot do this anymore.”

And only then you allowed Hendery to embrace you because you knew it was probably going to be the last time that you two could hold each other this way, both as lovers and as friends.

Hendery tucked you under his chin and rubbed comforting circles on your back. However, you could feel how his body was shaking, how hard he tried to hide his sobs, and how bad he didn’t want to let you go.

“And I’m sorry, as well,” the King said with a shaky breath. “I’m sorry for not keeping my promises to you. I’m sorry for not marrying you. And I’m sorry for not being able to protect you properly.”

You chuckled lowly to yourself as your forehead pressed against his and his hands were wrapped tenderly around your waist as if he was touching fine china, something so fragile, breakable, and precious.

“I love you,” you told him, one last time.

“And I love you.”

One might ask you why did you two decide to end it when it was clear that the two of you were still in love and perhaps, your love could have survived if you had decided to go through with it as you and Hendery had initially planned.

But you didn’t want to be in a relationship where you weren’t going to be his priority, no matter how much he loved and adored you.

It was a matter of the wrong time and place for your relationship to prosper. And you sincerely believed that maybe, if the two of you had met in different circumstances, in a different life, your relationship would have turned out differently and then, you would have had the happily ever after you first dreamed of as a child.

So, you two broke up for good this time.

Not because you didn’t love each other anymore.

But because a bitter end was better than an endless bitterness.

You forgot how much time had passed since you and Hendery had broken up. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration to say that you had lost all sense of time as you shut yourself off from the world inside your room, only allowing Yuqi to come in and out to bathe you and to fetch you the occasional glass of water.

But the matter of fact was that you got out of a long-term relationship that was both good and bad for you, and you needed the time to grieve and heal.

And during your time of grieving, while you had refused to cry, you felt more lonely than ever.

No matter how many times you thought you would finally be able to get out of your bed and greet your father and brother for breakfast in the dining room, you always fell back into the comfort of your bedroom.

Your father and Xiaojun had an inkling of what was going on, but you didn’t dare to tell them the truth. You had a feeling that your family would cut all ties with the royal family if they were to find out what really transpired in the last few weeks and months.

You were grateful that they didn’t question you. But more than anything, you were grateful that they didn’t judge you for your questionable actions, especially considering how they never really liked the fact that you were in a relationship with their King.

Lucas also tried to visit you a couple of times, but you refused to let him see you because you knew that it might cause a rift between the two brothers. The last thing you needed was to ruin another relationship. Queen Anne might have forgiven you for getting in-between Hendery and Maria Theresa, but you knew that she would have your head if you were to pit the two brothers against one another.

Your best friend was willing to go to all sorts of length for you, but that didn’t mean you were going to allow him to ruin himself that way. He had done enough for you, for the past couple of years.

“My Lady,” Yuqi started to say carefully after opening the door to your room as if she was walking on eggshells. “Someone is here to see you.”

This time around, you felt slightly better than usual. Instead of being bedridden, you managed to get out and change into a new comfortable silky robe before deciding to settle yourself on your window seat, where you had the best view of your family’s large townhouse.

You slept so much these past few days that you did lose all sense of time. It was only now as you opened the curtains to your window seat that you realized that it was actually nighttime.

“Okay, let them in.”

“A-are you sure, my Lady?” Yuqi stuttered out, surprised that you’d allow a visitor to come in.

You nodded again, this time with a small smile, hoping that it’d reassure your maid. “Yes, Yuqi. I am sure.”

Without hesitation, Yuqi allowed the visitor in and your eyes widened when you realized who the newcomer was.

“Sicheng,” you blurted out in surprise.

You hadn’t seen him in so long. Perhaps since the Christmas party with the royal family. You instantly felt bad that you missed out on the play that he and his troupe had put on during the month of your birthday. You had promised him that you were going to attend one of them, no matter what, and yet here you were, not keeping your words.

You knew that promises were meant to be broken. But given how much importance you usually gave to promises, you weren’t really one to break them easily. And yet, here you were, breaking them as easily as making them on the whim.

“W-what are you doing here?” you asked as you got up to greet him.

Sicheng forced you back down with a concerned, furrowed look before his expression turned soft. Your friend then smiled at you with a raised brow. “What do you mean, what am I doing here? I promised that I was going to make it up to you, didn’t I? For missing your birthday?”

You laughed softly to yourself. “Right, you did say that.” Your expression then turned somber as you told him, “I’m sorry that I’ve missed your plays, Sicheng. I truly am.”

He shook his head. “Don’t be. I can only imagine what had happened for you to not keep your promise to me. It’s only one play—there will be plenty more in the future that you can attend.”

You hadn’t expected him to be so understanding. “O-oh,” you murmured with your eyes facing the other way, too ashamed to look at him face-to-face. “Okay.”

“You want to talk about it?” he quickly asked you before a silence engulfed the two of you. You turned around with a questionable gaze. Sicheng at least had the decency to look the slightest embarrassed with his hand behind his neck as he admitted to you, “Lucas told me the gist of what happened. But I’d rather hear it from you.”

You lightly scoffed to yourself. “Does it matter, whether you hear it from me or from Lucas? In the end, the story remains the same, does it not?”

Sicheng slowly approached you and looked at you silently for permission to sit down next to you. When you nodded, he took a seat at the edge of the window seat and looked at you earnestly. “It matters because I have a feeling that you have been bottling up your emotions.”

Your eyes remained unblinking whereas he cocked a skeptical eyebrow at you.

“Was I wrong?” he asked with a slight teasing tone. “You’ve got to admit that you have a bad habit of keeping everything to yourself in fear of hurting everyone around you.”

You snorted before muttering under your breath, “I do not.”

“Well, fine then. So, for now,” he said with a bit more lightheartedness in his voice. “How about we start with why am I here?”

You weren’t that interested in the reason why he came to visit you. You had a feeling it was because he was worried about you and Lucas had probably sent him over to check up on you. But then, Sicheng pulled something from behind his back. You never knew that he was hiding something from you from the beginning.

“For you,” he said as he handed what seemed to be a booklet with a red ribbon tied around it. “I’m afraid I’m a bit late to the party but happy belated birthday, Mademoiselle Villeroy.”

You giggled and accepted his gift gratefully. “Thank you, Sicheng,” you told him before asking, “What is this?”

“The second part of the story I have given you for Christmas.”

You gasped and hugged his gift. “You didn’t.”

“I did.” Sicheng scratched his head. “I know it’s not an extravagant gift like giving you flowers imported from another continent but–”

“No, no, don’t say that,” you cut him off and grabbed his hand. “I love it.”

“Y-you do?”

“Well, of course,” you said as a matter-of-factly. “I’ve been waiting for a second part ever since I finished the first one. I wasn’t sure whether that was how the story was supposed to end or not and I didn’t want to ask or pressure you to write me the sequel if there isn’t one to begin with.”

“You’re welcome, then.” Sicheng pretended to lift off a hat from his head.

You two fell into a silence. You could tell that you couldn’t hide it from him any longer. And knowing how stubborn Sicheng was, you knew that he wouldn’t leave until you told him everything. His expression turned serious again and said softly to you, “Talk to me.”

You exhaled sharply and looked out the window. “There’s nothing left to tell you. You probably already know everything.”

“No, I don’t,” he replied almost snarkily. “I know that you and his Majesty are over, but that’s not why I came over.”

“Then, why did you come over?”

“Because I wanted to know how you feel. I wanted to know if you were okay,” Sicheng answered gently.

So, you did talk to him.

You told him about how exhausted you were of keeping up appearances. Of how you couldn’t stay with Hendery anymore. Of how you betrayed Maria Theresa’s trust. Of how you had a hard time discerning morning from night due to how much you slept. Of how you couldn’t cry despite how much you wanted to. Of how afraid you were of letting out your worries to Hendery, considering how much stress and responsibilities he held as the Sun King.

And somewhere in the back of your mind, you couldn’t help but think of how good this felt; how you didn’t have to worry about burdening Sicheng with your woes and feelings. You felt supported and safe. You were in an environment that allowed you to let out your emotions rather than suppressing them.

You appreciated how Sicheng gently coaxed everything out of you patiently. He didn’t rush it nor did he ever get impatient with you because you needed a small break from bearing yourself emotionally to him.

You cherished the fact that Sicheng wasn’t one to judge you or anyone. And you treasured how he reminded you that everyone was human and that humans were not free from the downfalls that life gave us. Because all of those emotions, those downfalls and those experiences, and how we come back up, were what made us human.

“Oh, God,” you said to yourself, almost horrified by the few drops of tears that fell, and tried to wipe them away with the sleeves of your dress. “I’m so sorry–”

“Don’t!” he abruptly cried out, causing your hand to freeze midair. Sicheng then cleared his throat and brought your hand down. “Don’t hold them in.”

You frowned, unable to understand.

“There’s a beauty in your tears,” he explained kindly, his eyes unbelievably tender as he gazed at you, “so, cry—it’s okay. Let it all out. Because it shows how strong you have been up until now. And please grant me the honour of watching them flow just like that.”

You were rendered speechless by him; as expected of a playwright. You had always known that he had a way with words, with feelings, considering how you always felt a turmoil of emotions whenever you read his plays or, in this case, the story that he had given you. But being on the receiving end of his beautifully crafted words were another story.

You suppressed a small laugh. “You’re ridiculous, Sicheng.” But, you didn’t make a move to wipe away your tears. “Thank you.”

“Anytime.”

You exhaled as you tried to regain your composure, but every time you did, you kept thinking back of all the pain you had suffered and it seemed like a never-ending cycle. “God, I’m basically a waterfall at this point.”

“A cute one,” Sicheng quipped out of nowhere with a cheeky smile.

“Not the time,” you told him with a small glare before waving his comment away. “Quick, tell me something to distract me from my thoughts!”

But he didn’t seem to agree with your suggestion. “But, we were supposed to deal with your feelings. If you feel like crying, it’s better not to try and hold it in because it’ll help you manage your emotions.”

“And I’m managing them,” you swiftly replied. “But now, we’re dealing with the aftermath and that wasn’t in the plan. So, please, just tell me something— anything—to stop my train wreck.”

Seeing how desperate you were, Sicheng’s expression quickly turned to one of panic and grabbed the small packet of papers he had given you earlier—your birthday gift and the second part to his story—and began to read it to you.

Sicheng’s story was about the story of someone from the royal court catching the eye of an above average working member of society. The latter always watched the royal member from afar and admired them from a distance, only for that working citizen to have fallen for their charms without knowing.

“And he continues to wonder, whether that person will ever come to look his way,” Sicheng read and then flipped the last page. “The end.”

“That’s it?” you mumbled, still entranced by Sicheng’s story and writing.

“Yes, that’s the end, for now,” he said and patted your head before his hand ended up on your cheek. His brows furrowed with concern as he gently rubbed the areas under your eyes. “You should get some sleep. It’s going to be morning soon.”

Your eyes widened and your head immediately turned to your window, where you could see the sun slowly rising. And before your eyes, you saw the first rays of the sun grace the flowerbeds of your garden as clouds became lit with greens and blues that somehow warmed up your heart, just the slightest.

“Say, Sicheng.”

“Mhm?”

“What happens to them? To the couple in your story?” you whispered. “Do they end up together in the very end?”

Sicheng looked at you intently as you gathered yourself in a small ball and watched the sun rise, before turning his eyes to your window with a pensive hum.

“Who knows?”

THE END.

276 notes · View notes

sweetdejun · 3 years

Text

café au lait //w.h.d.

tropes: blind date!au, drummer!hendery x barista!reader (fem.)

synopsis: your friend has been getting on your nerves about getting a boyfriend. but you would rather continue working as a barista, who occasionally gets to admire the drummer that plays with his band on Thursday nights.

word count: 2k YIKES

a/n: I love this trope mix lol, I hope you guys do too! p.s. unedited

"please, just meet the guy, y/n. he's a good person," yangyang began to reason with you, but you simply shake your head, gaze focused on the latte art ordered by a customer moments ago. "that's what you said last time, and do you remember what happened?" yangyang rolls his eyes; you didn't let him forget it. the last time you let yangyang set you up with a date, the guy took you to a bar where shortly after talking, he "went to the bathroom", only to walk to the other end of the room and ended up making out with someone else. that experience left a sour taste in your mouth, and it pushed you away from dating for a while. it was a blessing in disguise because you had more time to dedicate towards your school work and your part-time job, which you absolutely love. you work as a barista in a cafe hidden a few miles away from your college campus, which also happened to be a short walk away from your apartment. but that didn’t stop you from feeling lonely from time to time, and yangyang knew that.

you know yangyang just wants to look out for you, and he's probably sick of hearing you talk his ears off about the drummer from the band that plays at the cafe called 'wavy'. his name is hendery and you try keeping yourself busy with the customers that rush in Thursday nights to hear them play. still, your gaze can't help but follow his movements on stage, passionately headbanging with the music and his charisma radiating into the crowd. he was captivating and you couldn't find a better way to spend your Thursday nights.

"trust me, y/n, this one won't disappoint you. I have known him longer compared to the other guy and he's reliable and loyal." you bite your lip in thought. sure, you’ve had a bad experience once but you need to get your mind off of hendery, because you know you’re not planning on making a move anytime soon. hell, you don’t even think he knows who you are so you may as well give yangyang’s choice another shot. you groan and give yangyang a hesitant nod. “fine, I’ll go out with him, but I promise you, liu yangyang, if this guy is a jerk then I will come after you.” yangyang raises two fists of victory and clicks his tongue. “yes! thanks for trusting me, y/n, I won’t let you down.” later that evening you get a text from yangyang: he’s set up a reservation at some italian place that sounds familiar and has given you a time for 7:00 thursday night. your heart momentarily stops, because you’ll miss the band playing that night. you won’t get to see hendery this week. “let’s hope this stupid date is worth missing his performance,” you mumble to yourself, locking your screen and carrying on with the evening.

the time crept by so fast, you didn’t realize when you were standing in front of your mirror getting ready for the evening you’ve gradually grown to anticipate. you took the evening off and when your coworkers asked why and you told them that you had a blind date, half of them cheered you on and the other half guffawed because they know about your previous experience. still, you didn’t let the anxieties of that event get to you and you knew that if you tried to have fun you’d be giving yourself, yangyang and the guy a fair shot as well. so, here you are now, standing at the door of the restaurant and you can hear your heartbeat in your ears. you walk into the grandiose restaurant, and approach the front desk. “hello,” you start, “I have a reservation, under the name liu?” the man behind the counter looks down at his screen and he says, “oh, the other member of your party just checked in! let me lead you there, follow me, please!” your hands get clammier by the second but you tail the greeter as he leads you to your awaited date. just then, you feel your phone vibrate and you check and see it’s from a coworker. the text reads: “you lucked out tonight, wavy’s not playing” they’ve never skipped out on a performance before, you wonder. you put your phone in your bag and watch as the greeter comes to a stop. all you can see of your date is the mop of jet black hair, and his back which is facing you.

“here you are, ma’am. enjoy your dinner,” the greeter gives you a smile before leaving you to take a seat. the boy sitting turns around and your heart stops. “hi, I’m hendery.” he stands up and offers you his hand. “hello, I’m Y/N,” you manage to find your voice to say, gently placing your hand in his, in an effort to shake it. instead, hendery surprises you by bringing the back of your hand up to his mouth, placing a fragile peck on it. “it’s so nice to meet you, Y/N. here, come sit.” and he lets go of your hand to run over to the other side of the table to pull your chair out for you.

you both are given menus shortly after you exchange some small talk, and as you scan over the pasta options, you look up at hendery. you’ve gotta say, he cleans up really nicely, compared to the usual muscle tees and skinny jeans you’re used to seeing him in. his hair still holds the same middle part you’ve come to adore. then you think you’re being creepy, but you bite the bullet anyway when you say to him, “you play for wavy, right?” his gaze lifts up from the menu and goes straight to your eyes. you can see he’s surprised. “yes, I play the drums… how did you know?” your eyes widen comically and you shake your head, “I swear I’m not a stalker or anything, I just.. I’ve seen you play at the coffee shop I work at.” you’re rambling, and you tell yourself ‘shut up’ like it’s a mantra but hendery just stares back at you, thinking you are nothing short of adorable. “you’re the barista that works the late shifts when we play, then?” you sheepishly nod and he laughs. “I’ve been told by my bandmates that there’s a certain barista that ogles at me, is that you?” at this point, your mouth is hanging wide open and you scoff, “I do not ogle! and for your information, I am not the only barista that works the thursday night shift so it could very much be someone else.” hendery leans back in his chair and watches you, his expression softening. “that’s too bad then.”

over the course of the dinner, you learn that hendery actually went to school for acting, but then discovered his passion for music instead. he has three older sisters, his favorite color is pink, and since he’s moved to the city he has been homesick from time to time. of course, you’ve shared some stuff about yourself to him as well: you tell him that you love your job as a barista (throwing in a few funny and crazy customer stories here and there throughout the evening), you live in the city but drive out to visit your family who lives in a suburb nearby, and you have a favorite spot in a park that not a lot of people know about. “only special people get to see this place,” you tell him before taking a sip of your drink. “I hope I get to be one of those special people,” hendery says with a smile. a wave of courage hits you when you slyly respond, "maybe one day. now, I don't know about you, but I can go for a cup of coffee, so why don't we get out of here?"

hendery doesn't let you pay the bill ("you can get me coffee, y/n, but let me cover the meal") and you two take a short walk over to a nearby coffee shop. you are greeted with the sweet smell of coffee brewing as soon as the two of you step inside, and as much as people think you'd get sick of the smell, you haven't. "hi! what can I get you two today?" the barista greets the two of you, and you order a cafe au lait, while hendery scans the menu. "you know what, I'll have what she's having." after paying her, the barista leans in and whispers, "you two make a really cute couple, I had to let you know!" you bashfully smile and hendery replies to her, "it's our first date, but I think this one's a keeper," and he turns to send you a wink. you playfully nudge his arm and he laughs, leading the two of you to the pick-up counter. once your coffees are ready, you take them and start to embark on the long (but it feels short) walk back to your cars. the two of you chat for a bit, enjoying the weather but mostly relishing in each other's presence. as hendery sips on his coffee, you ask him with your chin in the palm of your hand, "how's the coffee by the way?"

"it's good! it's a cafe.."

"au lait," you finish and he nods. "it's good. I usually stick with an iced-americano because I never know what to expect with all these fancy-named drinks." you laugh, failing to observe the growing smile on hendery's face as he watches your nose scrunch cutely. "you can count on me to teach you coffee 101, as long as you would be willing to teach me how to play the drums," you tell him, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. once you see your car in the vicinity, you slow the pace of your steps, and hendery follows your speed. there's a restlessness in the air because the night is almost over and it's apparent that neither of you wants it to end. hendery huffs after a moment of silence and turns to you, eyes boring into your own, and with determination, he asks, "I would like to see you again, y/n if that's okay with you? it's been so long since I've started dating again, and I genuinely enjoyed every minute of tonight. I want to get to know you more, y/n." you blink up at him, and heat creeps up your neck but you bite your lip and nod. "I would like that, hendery. I had a great time tonight as well." hendery lights up and as you unlock your car with one hand, he reaches for the other one. stunned, you turn to him and he pulls you into a warm embrace. his arms wrap around you and it feels nice. you return the action, bringing your arms up around his torso. it feels like it's only been a few seconds, but you get an annoying buzz in your back pocket (who you assume is yangyang) that startles you. you reluctantly let go of hendery, chuckling when you hear a small sound of displeasure from him.

"I've gotta go now, hendery. thank you for an amazing evening," you tell him and you sit in your car, and once you start your car, hendery jolts in his spot and knocks on your window. you roll it down, and he scratches the back of his head, "I forgot to ask for your number." you giggle, and give him the ten digits he's longed for all evening. "I've just sent you a text," he says and starts to walk backward, waving at you. "text me when you get home, y/n!" your heart warms at the gesture. "I will, hendery! drive safe!" you yell out as his silhouette gradually gets smaller. "you too! bye!" moments later, the two of you have gone your separate ways, and as soon as you get home you remind yourself to do two things: 1) text yangyang about the details of the evening (of course, you must not forget to thank him as well) and 2) text hendery that you've made it home safely, with a smile on your face and the rapid beating of your heart.

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pesiko · 3 years

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HENDERY FIC RECS NAVI

SERIES ONESHOTS DRABBLES TEXTS

TIMESTAMPS BULLETPOINTS

❥ NCT MASTERLIST

❥ MAIN MASTERLIST

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hxt1b · 3 years

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Never Again

Hendery x Reader

Requested Prompt 47 "Don't leave me."

Genre: Angst

WC: 0.7k

Warning: Swearing, Smut

Masterlist

Prompt List, for any requests you guys may have. I'm currently taking them again!

"Don't leave me." You mumbled as tears gathered in your eyes. Hendery stared at you, his hands cupping your face.

"I won't" He whispered back pulling you into his chest. You breathed hard as you let him wrap his arms around you.

"I need you." You said, sniffling. You blinked to get rid of the tears.

You gripped his shirt roughly pulling at him to keep him close to you.

"I know."

You looked up at him as the words left his mouth. You could feel his breath fan your face as you stared into his eyes. They reflected your emotions. You could see the same pain and the same longing.

"We're so dumb." You finally said softly and pressed your lips to his. He responded instantly, kissing you back. All the emotions you both felt pouring into the kiss.

His tongue met yours drawing a broken moan from you. You hadn't kissed him in so long. You missed him.

You let your hand trail up to his jaw, then into his hair as he moved his hand from your back to your hip. He moved back falling onto the couch and taking you with him.

"We're very dumb, why'd we break up?" He asked as you settled into his lap. Your legs straddling his thighs.

"I don't know," You replied, your hands moving back into his hair. His lips pressing against yours again.

"I love you." He said against your lips as his hands moved your shirt up, letting his cold hands dance across the warm skin of your stomach.

You shivered at his touch, your eyes slightly closing as you looked at him. His lips were swollen and slightly parted, his eyes just as hooded as yours but you could tell that he meant it.

"I love you too."

His lips were back on yours, soft and slow. But it didn't stay that way long. Not as his hands trailed up to your breasts, the kiss became more frantic as his hand cupped your boob, kneading it softly.

You moaned against him, your hips moving on their own accord. He groaned pulling away from your lips. His head falling into the back of the couch as you ground down onto his growing erection. His hands tightened on your hips as he looked at you through hooded eyes.

"I need you baby." He said softly, his hips twitching up into you.

You could feel the moisture in between your legs as you got up and shed yourself of your clothes, Hendery copying you before settling back into the couch. You took your spot on his lap again, your hand reaching out and grabbing his length, slowly moving your hand you guided him to your entrance.

"Ready?" He asked, his hands grabbing your ass in a bruising grip. You nodded and began to lower yourself as he guided you down,

You moaned loudly, your head lulling back as you took him all in. Your walls involuntarily clenching around him. Hendery pulled you to him, his lips trailing soft open-mouthed kisses down your neck.

"I missed you." He said as you began to slowly move against him.

"I missed you too." You breathed out.

Your hands grabbing his shoulders tightly as you moved.

Hendery cursed against your heated skin as he took a hold of your hips again and moved up into you meeting your thrusts with his own. Your head was spinning as you let yourself feel everywhere he was. Your entire body felt like it was on fire.

You came sooner than you expected, your mind filling with the hot white of your orgasm.

Your walls tightened around Hendery as he continued to thrust up into you drawing out your orgasm.

You blindly pulled his head to yours, pushing your lips against his and kissing him with everything you had. Your hands cupped his face as he moved his hands up into your hair, and came himself.

His grip on you tightening as he did. You moaned as he bit your bottom lip. Soft grunts leaving him as he continued to move against you until his high faded.

You both breathed hard, your breaths mixing as you stared at each other.

He spoke first, "I will never leave you again."

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sparkliingcrown · 3 years

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[ 9:15am ]

When nobody was paying attention to him, Hendery kisses you on the cheek.

Why not? he says after you interrogated him. He said it with the biggest, cutest grin you ever saw, how can you stay mad at him?

#nct #nct u #nct 127 #nct dream #wayv #nct fluff #nct blurbs #nct imagines #nct scenarios #wong kunhang

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3raaaachachacha · 4 years

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8:03 pm

Wong Hendery x female reader / 686 words / angst / fluff

Warnings: mentions of being followed

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

One of the worst feelings someone could ever experience was that they were being followed by another. The uncertainty that ran through your veins, creating unwanted anxiety and paranoia. You were thankful that the streets were lit up and busier than expected since it was a weekend night, but you hated that on your walk home from having dinner with a friend, you began to experience these unsettling feelings.

You keep a fast pace as you held your phone in your right hand, finger on the emergency call button in case things went south. Subtly, you tried to make out the figure that had been following you for the past 5 blocks, but the dark cap that covered the majority of his face did not help.

You couldn’t let this man follow you all the way home and figure out where you live. You needed to find someone to talk to like you knew them to get this stranger off your back. Thankfully, there was a bus stop coming up with only one younger guy there. From what you could make out, he seemed handsome and approachable. That’s when you decided to make your move.

“Hi, I know this may sound weird, but can you pretend to be my boyfriend for a bit? This guy has been following me for the past 10 minutes and I don’t feel safe right now,” You politely begged as the young male smiled down at your cute self before nodding his head at you like you were engaged in a conversation.

Casually, he wrapped his arm around your waist to bring you closer to him as your hands automatically fell onto his tone chest, “How does this look? Does it look believable?” The two of you smiled at one another as you stared into his sweet eyes.

“I think we can make it more believable. Quick, kiss me so they’ll leave me alone,” You continued to smile as you mumbled the last part to him since the stranger was getting closer to the two of you.

Without another thought, he placed his soft lips onto yours as you wrapped your arms around his neck, bringing him closer to you to put on a show for all to see. You were thankful this random attractive guy went along with your plan and then kissed you after you asked him, even though he didn’t know your name.

He pulled away after the stranger looked at the two of you before quickly moving past you and on his way. You let out a heavy sigh, feeling relieved that he wasn’t following you anymore and you could finally make your way home.

“I’m Hendery by the way,” Hendery grinned down at you, still holding onto you.

You giggled lightly as you could feel your cheeks heating up, “Thank you for doing this for me Hendery, I owe you an explanation over dinner. I’m Y/N by the way,” You gestured for him to give you his phone to place your number into as he quickly complied with your request.

“Well Y/N, it was a pleasure to help you out tonight. Would you like an escort to your home or will you be safe getting there by yourself?” He asked politely as he finally released you from his grasp.

You took a second to debate it since Hendery was a stranger to you as well, but for some reason, you felt like you could trust him, even with just meeting him minutes prior. You nodded your head with a cute smile, “I’ve never been escorted before, so why not try that?”

Hendery laughed at your cute attitude as the two of you began to walk in the direction of your house. Even though the walk was short, it made for a good time to get to know one another and find a time for you to repay him for his selfless actions. It was the least you could do after asking him to suddenly kiss you. You were just thankful you found someone so chivalrous and understanding to help you out in such a scary situation.

⊱ ──────────────────────── ⊰

- Admin 🦋

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your-world-with-nct · 4 years

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— another pandemic-related wayv blurb bc why not 😤 i recommend listening to ‘we lost the summer’ by txt while reading this for the ~vibes~

💌 • 7:32am

an inevitable yawn escaped as you adjusted your laptop’s settings, turning off your camera and mic, hesitating to press ‘join meeting’ and start off your jam-packed morning.

your online classes weren’t the worst thing in the world, but they weren’t the best either: the early mornings, the lack of motivation, the lectures that dragged on, the unenthusiastic reactions of your classmates - the list could go on and you still wouldn’t have run out of complaints.

there was, however, one main reason that you were still making the effort to attend class and do your assignments... and his name was huang guanheng.

shortly after the rest of your class joined, miss song quickly muted every student, prompting hendery to turn off his own camera. you pouted as his gorgeous side profile was replaced with his rapunzel meme icon flashing onto your screen instead. you stifled a laugh, the thought of his bedhead and his comfy-looking onesie hugging his body occupying your mind rather than whatever your professor was rambling on about.

it was only when your phone vibrated next to you, a notification from ‘hen-dery 🐓’ popping up on your homescreen snapping you out of your daze.

hen-dery 🐓 : im boooooored can we facetime in a bit 🥺🥺 idek what she’s on about 🥱

you: lmao sure she said that she was only gonna do a short meeting cos she has work set that she wants us to do, she’s just explaining it now 🥴

you: loving the grinch onesie btw 🥰 never thought i’d see you log in to the class so early 🙈

hen-dery 🐓: clearly you just dont have taste 🙄👎🏼 i was up till like five since i had to finish that essay that was due at midnight and then i just played overwatch with hyuck haha i’ve been awake for twenty two hours 😃

you chuckled as you placed your phone down and shifted your attention back to whatever miss song was saying, jotting down anything important she mentioned. soon enough, she wrapped up the class, mentioning something about how she wanted you all to ‘get right to work’ as soon as you left the call.

your cursor hovered over the big red button, waiting for any sort of signal that you could call your crush and see him in his adorable natural state again, clicking on it as soon as your professor said ‘email me if you have any problems or questions, guys’.

luckily for you, hendery was doing the exact same thing, shutting down his laptop, already opening up the app and clicking on your contact name that was only visible to him because of the unreasonable amount of heart emojis there were next to it.

you answered his call almost immediately, seeing the boy mindlessly chewing on the end of a highlighter before realising you had picked up, “yikes, dery, you look a bit rough,” you joked, eyes lighting up when his bubbly laugh echoed through your phone’s speaker.

“alright, in my defence,” he held up his hands in a surrender, “i had started the paper, like when it was first set - the first paragraph done and everything! but!! i forgot about it since i was prioritising my research project.”

you teasingly rolled your eyes, giving him a fake round of applause, “wowww, well done for successfully ruining your sleep schedule and simultaneously saving yourself from not graduating.”

“you say that like you haven’t done it before,” hendery smirked, your face flaring up at his expression, “remember last year when you practically lived at the library up until you finished that last final?”

the harsh realisation of how different the world was now compared to last year left you with an unexplainable pain, the memory resurfacing, “yeah, you snapped me at like four am when you were bored, but when i snapped you back and you found out i was still studying you, like, bolted to the library and walked me back to my dorm, after making sure i’d had something to eat that day.”

“yet i still haven’t gotten a thank you for that!” his sentence was interrupted with a loud yawn, as he slumped onto his desk, his cheeks squishing against his arms in a way that you were about to combust at how cute he looked.

“was the food i bought you the next day not enough for you? you almost emptied my wallet with the amount of hotpot you had,” you grinned to yourself, the mental image of hendery wide-eyed begging you to order more food, “and all the study sessions we’ve had over the phone recently too. do those mean nothing to you?”

“hmm, well i’d much rather have studied at our favourite café than through facetime, but i guess i appreciate it,” he gave you a sleepy smile, his light giggle making your heart flutter, “sooo, what are we doing?”

giving him a eye-roll, you shifted your focus to the task you were set, reading miss song’s instructions aloud to hendery and planning what you were going to write, assuming that he was following along with you, since you were too immersed in your notes.

it was only after the lack of response to one of your jokes that you realised that your crush had fallen asleep leaning on his notebook, softly snoring as you took the opportunity to take a few screenshots of the adorable boy, admiring him for a little longer before hanging up, “have a good sleep, angel, i’ll call you later.”

huang guanheng had never looked more beautiful to you as he did in this raw, natural state, a side of him that he rarely showed other people, truly, like an angel.

during a time where everybody and everything was at their most vulnerable, you sought relief in the fact that hendery chose to expose his vulnerability to you. and nothing could bring you more comfort during these tough times than his trust and his care for you.

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kopikokun · 4 years

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DAY SEVENTEEN: wong kunhang.

↳ reindeer hendery is a pretty cute concept, huh?

pairing: wong kunhang x reader

contain(s): light fluff, friend!au, comedy (?)

word count: 471 words

← BACK TO NAVI. | ← BACK TO CHRISTMAS PROMPT LIST.

— 𝐫𝐞𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐬 𝐚𝐫𝐞 𝐜𝐥𝐨𝐬𝐞𝐝.

“You know you can tell me anything right?”

Hendery swivels his head to frown at you, a feathery brow arched. His expression is one of enquiry masked under a pretense of cognisance. “Of course.”

“Good,” you nod sternly. You wait for something further from him, assuming he had accepted your invitation for divulgence, yet he remains eerily silent. You cough lightly. “So, is there anything you want to tell me?”

This time, Hendery stares back at you with blatant bewilderment. He gawks at you like you’ve just told him your pet goldfish grew legs. “No. What’s wrong? Is something up? You’re acting really weird.”

“I thought you would be able to answer that question for me, Hendery.”

“Me?” he scoffs, face pinched. “I haven’t been acting weird.”

You sigh like a mother would with her querulous child, laying a tender hand on his arm. He pulls a face at you, close to shuddering the touch away. “I went into your room, Hendery,” you say, hoping that would be enough to clue him in to the severity of this situation.

“Okay, and?”

His equanimity alarms you. “I found it.”

He groans, exasperated by your vague one-liners. “You found what?”

“Your antlers!” you blurt, voice pulsing with ache. “And your red nose, and the bell!”

Hendery’s face screws in indignance at your melodrama.

You reach for his arm again, but he jerks it back. “It’s okay. You can tell me, Hendery. You don’t have to be ashamed,” you continue.

“Ashamed?” he snorts. “Ashamed of what?”

“The fact that you’re a furry! Or, well, half-furry! Or that you’re into pet play! Or something else reindeer related!”

Despite the urgency riming your voice, Hendery laughs. He laughs the hardest you’ve ever seen him laugh as long as you’ve been friends, which for reference, has been way longer than anybody thought possible. He laughs so hard in fact, that he’s hunched over, clutching his stomach as tears prickle at his eyes. You really don’t understand what’s so funny.

“I’m not a furry!” he gasps between his inhales. “Why would you think that?”

“Because of all the reindeer gear. Why else would you have all of that laying about in your room?”

Finally, Hendery’s rambunctious laughter dies down to occassioanal giggling. “That’s the first thing that came to mind when you saw that stuff in my room?” He snickers. “All of that stuff’s for work. I’m performing for the local orphanage, dumbass. Oh my God, I can’t believe you thought I was a furry.”

A searing heat overtakes your face. “There’s nothing wrong with being a furry!” “I know that, it’s just,” his lips thread into a grin, amused by your flustered state, “cute that was your first thought. You’re so cute.”

You scowl. “Shut up. I hope you fall flat on your face when you perform.”

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lattaeyongs · 3 years

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[9:21 PM] It’s only 9 PM while you and best friend!Hendery are almost completely wasted at a downtown bar, singing karaoke to “Don’t go breaking my heart” horribly off-key and messing up the words on occasion. While your friends record your exquisite performance, the look in Hendery’s eyes shows that he feels much more than friendship for you.

#ik ik im beating a dead horse with the best friends to lovers au #nct #hendery #wong kunhang #nct fluff #nct scenarios #wayv #hendery fluff #hendery scenarios #hendery imagines #nct imagines #nct blurbs #nct reactions #best friend au #hendery smut

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sunnydhyuk · 4 years

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♡ 20:09 ♡ you laugh behind your hand as you look at hendery. he's currently dancing with one of your little cousins — very goofy you might add.

he catches your gaze and winks at you, motioning for you to join him on the dance floor next. you smile as you nod your head in confirmation. you really did love him.

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smoll-tangerine · 4 years

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oh boy

PAIRING. hendery x oc/reader (feat. lucas) GENRES. college!au, drama, romcom, some fluff if you squint your eyes WORDS. 20.6k

SYNOPSIS. having an on-and-off relationship with your boyfriend is hard. having an on-and-off relationship with your boyfriend who cares more about this stupid rivalry between his football team and the soccer team from your school is harder.

so when things got thorny, you found yourself feeling lonely due to your boyfriend’s ego and pride. then a familiar face popped up, making things take an interesting turn. everything got complicated and you can only say, “oh boy.”

GLOSSARY: qianbei: sunbaenim || jie/jiejie: older sister (noona/unnie) || ge/gege: older brother (oppa/hyung) || AT: athletic therapist

TAGLIST. @crescent-iak @licorne-manon

[a/n]: hello, my love for hendery is growing every day uwu. this was my lame attempt at romcom, but it ended up being more dramatic than comedic lol. enjoy, lovelies! ♥

His loose hair hung low in front of his dark, brooding eyes. His tongue kept licking his lips even though they were not dry. The bright moonlight illuminated his beautiful face. His face inched closer and closer to mine, and I could feel his hot breath against my lips. I then breathed out sharply as I waited for his next move.

But then, everything went black as soon as I heard my name being called out. My eyes suddenly opened wide and I flinched when I realized that it was already morning. I let out a small groan as I turned my body to the source of the noise that woke me up.

“Good morning, baby,” he said, his morning voice raspy. I smiled at him despite my initial frustration. I pecked Lucas’s pouty lips and got up from my bed to prepare myself for the day.

“Morning,” I replied. “Why did you wake me up? I was sleeping so well and- What the hell, Yukhei? It’s only 7 am! I could’ve at least gotten another hour of sleep.”

I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when I almost choked on toothpaste as my boyfriend asked me, “What were you dreaming of?”

I spat out the toothpaste and rinsed my mouth before answering, “I can’t really remember… why?”

It was a good thing that the bathroom’s door was closed. Otherwise, Lucas would have noticed how red and weird I’ve become as he said, “Because you looked like you were hella turned on.”

Fuck.

I didn’t know how but I managed to calm myself down before heading to the university with Lucas. He wasn’t even suspicious or skeptical over my weird behaviour and proceeded to his daily routine without asking me anything.

I was telling him about how much I was struggling with my two jobs but stopped when I noticed that he suddenly went silent, which was something that only happened when he encountered people from the soccer team. I immediately switched my focus to his line of vision and understood why.

I stayed silent as we walked towards the field, afraid that a confrontation might occur. I never really understood their stupid rivalry, to be honest. And God, this rivalry was slowly getting on my nerves.

But I guess I expected too much on Lucas’s part. Because as we walked past the random soccer player, he suddenly elbowed him in the ribs, causing the latter to let out a small grunt of pain. I let out a surprised gasp and went over to the soccer player’s side.

“Yukhei! What the hell? He didn’t even do anything!”

“He doesn’t have to do anything,” he replied gruffly. “He’s a soccer player. He should have expected that the second he saw me walking towards him.”

“Damn it, Yukhei.” I shook my head and peered down worriedly at the soccer player who was now crouching down in pain, which I thought was weird because he only got elbowed, right? “Hey,” I said to the player. “Are you okay? Do you need any help?”

I only received another grunt of pain as a response, so I wrapped an arm around his waist and asked him to lean on me. He did as I said. I didn’t even bid Lucas good-bye.

Lucas started to panic and called after me. “Babe? What are you doing? Where are you going?”

I continued to ignore him. I loved him, but God, he could be such an ass sometimes. He really was a sweet person, but this time, he really crossed the line. The boy next to me said with a cough, “Your boyfriend is calling you.”

“Yeah, well, he’s not my father, and he can also call me later when he realizes his mistake,” I grumbled and then scolded him. “You shouldn’t talk too much. I think one of your ribs got dislocated or something. Gosh, I really hope that Yukhei is not the cause of your injury.”

The boy shook his head. “I was already injured when I saw you guys. My teammate accidentally knocked me over, but I think Lucas qianbei made it worse, though.”

“You still call him qianbei after what has just done to you?” I scoffed and shook my head. “You are too nice, kid.”

We finally got to the clinic, and I motioned him to sit down on one of the beds. It was only then that I realized the clinic was empty. I then remembered that it was around this time of the day that the head physiotherapist of our school’s clinic would always go to the cafeteria to get a cup of coffee (or more like flirt with that lunch lady).

I looked at the time and sighed as I grabbed a clipboard and a few documents needed for the boy’s treatment. I wasn’t supposed to start my shift for another hour, but I felt terrible for him because of Lucas’s stupid actions.

I then grabbed one of the moveable stools and sat right in front of the soccer player who already settled himself on one of the table beds. I asked him basic questions before I could actually diagnose and treat him.

“What’s your name?” I asked, and he frowned, evidently in confusion. I chuckled at his expression and lifted my clipboard. “I’m an intern AT here. I kind of need all your basic info before I can do anything for you or I’ll get in trouble, you get the gist?”

He let out an ‘ah’ in realization and answered my questions with a small nod. “My name is Zhong Chenle, but my teammates call me Lele. I’m nineteen years old, and I’m part of the soccer varsity team.”

“Cute,” I replied with a small crinkle of my eyes.

“My nickname?” he asked, and I hummed. He instantly brightened up at my response. “Isn’t it? My captain actually gave me that nickname.”

I hummed again and wrote down the information before asking him more. “What’s your position on the team? And do you work? If you do, do you think your injury could affect you while working?”

“I’m a forward, and no, I don’t work.”

“Perfect,” I said. “Okay, now try to tell me where it hurts and how exactly did you get hurt.”

As he explained everything, I jotted down everything, making sure that I didn’t miss any details. I asked him on a scale from one to ten how much did it hurt before he got elbowed by Lucas. He gave me a five. I then asked him how much did it hurt after Lucas elbowed him. He gave me an eight.

“Shit,” I muttered. “It must hurt a lot, right? Especially when you breathe?”

Chenle didn’t reply, and I took his silence as a yes. He probably didn’t want to say anything because he knew Lucas was my boyfriend and he didn’t want me to feel bad for something that I didn’t even do.

“Alright, you can lie down on your back,” I told him and moved to the side where his rib was slightly protruding. “After the treatment, I’ll give you some exercises so that you can work on those muscles to protect your ribs better.”

“Cool.”

“Great,” I replied and slowly started putting back the rib back into its socket, earning a grunt from him. And after twenty minutes of treatment, I gave him a list of exercises to do and went back to my stool to write his progress. All of a sudden, the door opened with a huge bang.

“Yah, Lele! Hey, are you–”

I turned around to check who it was and then turned back when it was not one of my patients. But I almost did a double-take when my brain finally registered who it was.

“Oh, um, hey,” the intruder said with a hand around his nape, scratching it a little. “Have you seen Chen– I mean, Lele– I mean, Chenle?”

“Oh, Captain!” Chenle screamed from his side and then groaned in pain.

I left my station, completely disregarding the intruder and went to Chenle’s side to check up on him. Little did I know that the latter would actually follow me.

“Pain?” I asked, and Chenle nodded. “Because of the exercise I gave you or because of your rib?”

“Both,” he whimpered out.

“Okay, you can stop now and just do your stretches.”

Chenle nodded and left to the corner to grab the yoga mat to stretch. I was solely focused on him, scared that he would do something that might worsen his injury when I snapped out of it as I heard an exaggerated cough behind me.

I swivelled around and refrained myself from saying, “Oh, you’re still here?”.

I couldn’t exactly help it.

After all, I still had a little something against him, and it was not because of Lucas.

“Wong Hendery…” I said and smiled at him. “How can I help you?”

“Uh… I’m actually here to check up on my teammate,” he answered, almost stuttering.

“Oh, you’re the captain that Chenle was talking about?” My eyes widened upon the realization. “Wait, you’ve made it?” I exclaimed. “Wow, congratulations! You know, I remember you telling me that you’ve wanted to become captain. And look at you now, your wish came true!”

Hendery childishly grinned at me. “Thanks. You actually remembered?”

I slightly panicked at his question. Right, why did I say that?

Hendery cleared his throat and motioned Chenle with his chin. “Is he okay?”

“I don’t know, does he look okay to you?” I said and snorted when I saw his reaction. “I’m kidding. One of his ribs is dislocated, and I’m slowly working on trying to place it back into its place. It should be fine for now, but I asked him to come and see me again to make sure that it won’t move again.”

Hendery let out a small sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God.”

I raised a teasing brow at him. “Why? Because you were the one who knocked him down?”

“Oh, no, no!” He shook his head furiously. He reminded me of a small dog just wagging its head to dry itself, and I almost squealed. But then I told myself that he was Wong Hendery and that I better kept myself in check.

“It was a joke, Hendery, take it easy,” I said with a small chuckle. “Why are you so tense?”

He didn’t reply, and instead, he gazed at me with a small, knowing smile. I could feel my cheeks heating up under his eyes, and I cleared my throat to get rid of that tension that was in me. It was just Hendery—why was I losing my cool?

“Anyway, I should also apologize to you too,” I said and grimaced, “seeing that Chenle might be out for a couple of practices, but I think he should be good for your first game of the season.”

He raised a brow, asking me to continue.

“I was walking with Lucas to his morning practice when we saw Chenle,” I explained and noticed how his body stiffened at my boyfriend’s name, “and Lucas elbowed him a bit too hard as we passed by. I think that’s one of the reasons why Chenle’s injury got worse. I’m really sorry. I should have stopped Lucas when I realized that Chenle was a soccer player.”

Hendery stayed silent, and it was making me anxious. I was scared that I was about to start another fight between the football and soccer team. Instead, Hendery tilted his head with a small frown. He licked his lips again, and I forced my eyes to look away from his supple-looking lips.

“Why are you apologizing?” he finally said, breaking the tension.

I looked back at him as I answered unsurely, “Because I could have prevented Chenle’s injury from getting worse…?”

He shook his head and said, this time with a stern voice, “No, I mean, why are you apologizing for your boyfriend? You’re not the one in the wrong, he is.” There was a pause. “You shouldn’t always take responsibility for your boyfriend’s actions. He’s not a child anymore. He should be focused on other important stuff instead, like saving your–”

But then, he stopped. His eyes were wide as if he realized that he was about to make a huge mistake. And he licked his lips again.

“Saving my…?”

He shook his head. “No, nothing. Just–” Another pause. “Nothing.”

“Um, okay…”

There was another strange and awkward tension. It was not like as if we weren’t friends, but I think the fact that I was going out with his so-called rival made it hard for both of us to label this relationship, or friendship, or whatever this was. Things used to be so simple back then. There were so many things that I wanted to talk about. But somehow, both of us knew that this was not the perfect moment.

“Um, so, since when did you start working here?” he asked.

I let out a small sigh of relief. Grateful that there was a question I could answer to get rid of this sense of discomfort. “I’m not exactly working here, just interning. And I started just this year.”

“Oh, cool,” he said and then grabbed a stool to sit in front of me.

When he sat down, I resisted the urge to back away. We were just so close that our knees were touching and with one step forward, my hand could have actually rested on his strong-looking thigh and–

Okay, breathe.

This was not the time to be ogling at him.

“Are you being paid for doing this?”

“Nah,” I answered as I made a face. “I wish, though. It could have saved me so much trouble. This is not a paid internship, so I’m still working at the children’s hospital, which sucks because I literally have two jobs, but I’m only getting paid at one.”

“You should be grateful that I even accepted your internship request,” another voice said.

I noticed the head-physio aka my boss coming in with too many cups of coffee. The older man went to his office without sparing us a look, but then his head popped out of his door with an inquisitive look.

“Hendery? What are you doing here? I don’t remember you scheduling for an appointment… Did you suddenly get injured or something? I thought you said you didn’t believe in physiotherapy?”

I looked at him in disbelief and raised an inquisitive eyebrow. “You actually said that?”

Hendery stuttered as he tried to find his words, his face wholly flustered and shocked that the head-physio would expose him just like that. I shook my head in amusement. He was so fun to watch.

“You really can’t take a joke, can you?”

He was about to reply when Chenle came to us with a huge grin and said, “I’m done with stretching! Can I go back to practice now?”

I smiled back at the younger player and gave him a small warning. “Only warm-ups and light exercises. I don’t think it would be wise if you practice too intensively. Your rib is not completely back into its place yet, so make sure to take another appointment to fix that! If I’m not available, take an appointment with another intern.”

Chenle hummed and went out of the clinic since the sign-up sheets were in the hallway. Hendery seemed to be deep in thought when I switched my attention over to him.

“What?” I asked, and he shook his head.

“No, nothing. I just didn’t know that you were allowed to switch your physios around. Wouldn’t it make it harder to follow the athlete’s progress?”

I shrugged. “I’m not really in a position to complain about how the system works, you know?”

“Good point.” He chuckled lowly before continuing, “But now that you’re interning here, I guess I don’t have to take an appointment with that old geezer anymore whenever I need treatment.”

Hendery then winked at me.

I could feel the heat rush to my cheeks. I definitely did not expect that comment out of him. I was usually not much of a blusher, but his comment caught me off-guard. The worst part was that Hendery was actually smirking at me as if he knew how much his words had affected me.

And after being with Lucas for so long, guys from school didn’t really flirt with me anymore—not that I actually wanted them to flirt with me—but the point was, I stopped being immune to comments like those. Sometimes, they didn’t even dare to look in my way because they were so scared of my boyfriend.

Was Hendery… flirting with me?

But when he noticed my lack of response, Hendery let out another chuckle—God, he really has to stop doing that—and he said with a small, mocking smile, “Small revenge for all the comments and teasing since I’ve got here. No need to overthink this.”

Right, of course, what was I thinking?

I pushed past the pang of disappointment and replied, “I wasn’t overthinking this.”

Lie, I totally was. But I mentally gave myself a big pat on the back for not faltering.

“Wong Kunhang, I heard that!” the head-physio shouted from his office. “For your information, I’m only twenty-nine!”

“Like I’ve said, an old geezer.”

“Alright, that’s it. I’m never going to treat you again!”

“That’s okay,” he said and turned to me with a small wink. “I’ve got someone better.”

I breathed out sharply. Thankfully, Chenle came back just in time to save me.

“I’m done!” he exclaimed happily. “We can go back to practice now, Cap!”

Hendery nodded at him and waved goodbye to me as he got up, the warmth beside me suddenly gone. “I’ll see you later.”

I waved back at him and let out a huge breath that I didn’t even know I was holding. I was glad that my next appointment came in early because it was only then that my heart started to beat regularly.

“You look exhausted,” my friend Mei said to me as soon as I slumped onto my desk. “Are you sure interning this semester was a good idea?”

I grunted. If only Mei knew that it wasn’t my internship that caused me to be this way, but rather a particular person.

“Are you going to be okay?” she asked with a snicker. “I mean, this class is three hours long…”

I turned my head around and replied, “Well, are you going to be able to survive this class? I mean, your boyfriend isn’t even in it.”

She shot me a playful glare. “Hey, don’t bring Renjun into this.”

I childishly stuck my tongue at her. The three-hour long class passed quicker than I thought and it was already lunchtime. We walked to the cafeteria when she dropped a bomb on me, “Something happened when you were working at the clinic, right?”

I almost tripped over nothing, and Mei let out a small hum as if that was the response she expected of me. But then again, she was my best friend. Of course, she would know if something happened. I bit onto my bottom lip in contemplation. If I were to talk about what happened in the clinic, then I would have to talk about Lucas as well, and I knew very well of her feelings and opinions about Lucas.

“Yukhei elbowed and hurt a kid–”

“Not surprised, to be honest with you.”

“–and he made the kid’s injury worse,” I said, ignoring her comment completely. “I’m just so sick of this rivalry, you know? I thought Yukhei matured over the summer. I thought he would put me—our relationship—as his priority, not this fight between the football and the soccer team.”

We grabbed our food and headed to our table. I was going to dig into my lunch when I noticed my best friend’s stare. “What?”

She shook her head and shrugged at the same time. “Nothing, just, you know, the usual.”

“Uh-huh,” I replied between mouthfuls. “Like how I should ditch Yukhei and find someone better?”

She raised her arms up. “Ah, you do get it! So, why are you still with him?”

I paused. “Is there even someone better?” I asked, almost a murmur.

But my heart knew the answer to my own question.

And I expertly ignored it.

“I mean, I love him, I really do. And like I’ve said, it’s just a small issue that could easily be solved. He just doesn’t seem to have his priorities straight.”

Mei let out a small hum. “Did something else happen?”

I gave her a look. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, I didn’t mention anything about Lucas. I just said that something happened at the clinic, and you randomly started complaining about your boyfriend. So, I kind of figured out that something else happened.”

I grumbled, “You know me too well…”

“Go on,” she said in a singsong-like tone.

I dropped my utensils and turned to her with a severe look. “Okay, promise me you won’t tell anybody?”

“Uh, I think that’s a given since we are best friends?”

I cleared my throat and started explaining my dream from this morning. By the end of the story, Mei did seem somewhat surprised by my whole story retelling, but that was it. If anything, she didn’t seem to be fazed about it. I was confused about her reaction, that was for sure, but I kind of expected her to scold me or something, yet she did none of that.

“You’re not going to say anything?”

Mei looked at me weirdly. “What is there to say?”

I blinked at her, and she sighed. “There’s nothing wrong with what you’ve been dreaming. What’s in the past is in the past. Don’t feel guilty for that reason. It’s not like you have done anything wrong or scandalous.”

I probably looked slightly dejected, and I guess Mei wanted to change my mind a little. So, she just went ahead and dropped another bomb on me.

“Okay, so what happened again with that dick of a boyfriend?”

I can see what she was trying to do and I appreciated it a lot. So, I let out an angry huff, not even bothering to correct her and defend Lucas as I said, “So, you know how Yukhei and I got into a fight-”

“Which one are we exactly talking about here?”

“Ouch? But that’s irrelevant,” I said and then continued on with my story, “So, Yukhei tried to be romantic and climbed up to my window on the night my parents went out to ask for my forgiveness. Everything went so well! He even bought me chicken nuggets with a bouquet of my favourite flowers. And you know, it was the perfect time for a round of make-up sex. And as we were getting into it, he suddenly stopped because he received a text message from his friend, asking him to help egg some soccer player’s house or something.”

“Wait, wait, wait, wait!” Mei’s eyes were wide, and I’m pretty sure that she almost choked on her food. “So, you’re saying that Lucas ditched you during sex just so that he could go throw some eggs at a guy’s house?”

“Pathetic, right?”

My best friend crinkled her nose as she asked in an innocent voice, “Are you sure that Lucas’s not gay?”

“Jesus Christ, Mei.”

“Babe, are you still mad at me?” Lucas asked as he walked me back home.

I was glad, for once, that I didn’t have any classes with him. It made it much easier for me to ignore him. Usually, I would complain about it because I just knew girls would openly flirt with him if I weren’t by his side.

I stopped right in front of my house’s gates and sighed as I turned to him. His hands immediately went to my waist, and he pulled me closer to him as he rested his forehead on mine. “I really am sorry.”

“You know that you’re saying this to the wrong person, right?” I mumbled and slapped his cheeks before squishing them. “I forgive you this time, but make sure to apologize to Chenle and don’t let this happen again. I’m serious, Yukhei.”

“But honestly, why are you even taking his side?” he whined like a little child. “I’m your boyfriend, not him!”

“That’s not the issue!” I rolled my eyes. “A kid got seriously injured because of you, Yukhei. So, promise me you’re going to apologize to Chenle.”

“Sure, anything for you,” he replied nonchalantly, and I turned away from him. “Hey! Where’s my goodbye kiss?”

“No goodbye kisses for you until I’ve confirmed with Chenle that you’ve properly apologized to him!” I shouted as I waved at him from the back.

I entered my house and then smelled something delicious. I went to the kitchen and found my mum cooking something similar to a feast. I tried to grab a piece of asparagus wrapped in bacon, but my hand was suddenly slapped away from the plate.

“Ouch!” I winced and retracted my hand. “What the hell, Mum?”

“That’s for Yangyang!”

I put aside my hunger and clapped excitedly. “Yangyang’s coming back home?” I exclaimed. “Why didn’t you tell me? I could have gone to the airport and–”

“It’s okay, you were in school, and I didn’t want to bother you.” She waved it aside. “And anyway, he should be home right about–”

“I’m home!”

“–now.”

I ran to the living room and saw my little brother standing there with a huge grin. I didn’t hesitate to dash towards him and engulf him into a hug. “Yangyang! Oh, my God! I’ve missed you so, so much!”

My little brother hugged me back tightly and even spun me around. Although he was gone for two years to study abroad, he grew up to be such a fine man, I almost didn’t recognize him. He grew a lot taller too.

“Oh, wow, look at you,” I said as soon as Yangyang put me down and I lightly punched his arms and chest. “I bet you were a real ladies’ man back there, huh?”

Our parents told me to leave Yangyang alone so that he could bring his stuff back into his room. While waiting for him, I went back to the kitchen to help my mum prepare for the rest of our dinner. After bringing the dishes to the table and serving the rice to everyone, Yangyang and I reprised our conversation from before.

“So? When did my baby brother grow up to be such a hunk?” I said teasingly.

“Jie.”

“I’m kidding,” I said. “Anyway, Mum said that you’re transferring to my uni?”

“Yep! I’m thinking of trying out for a team, too.”

I was about to ask him which sport was he interested in, but my parents cut in. They probably had enough of me hogging my brother to myself. But I was so happy to have him back that I didn’t care.

My life was almost perfect with my little brother back. I couldn’t ask for anything better. I have loving parents, a supportive and cute little brother, a great best friend and a loyal boyfriend. What more could I ask for?

Huh, little did I know that life could be such a bitch sometimes.

Aside from working at the clinic, I was also working part-time at the children’s hospital. The kids at the hospital were just lovely, and I adored their company. They were just so optimistic, joyful, and sincere, it was unthinkable that they were actually sick. It was sad seeing the number of children growing, and soon enough, I alone wasn’t enough to take care of them.

“Did you meet your new co-worker yet?” Victoria, one of the nurses at the hospital, asked as we walked to the playroom. “I think he’s an athlete that goes to your school.”

“I have a co-worker that goes to my school?” I was excited about the prospect of having someone help me deal with those mischievous adorable kids. “Huh, I wonder who is it.”

As soon as I entered the playroom, I was immediately attacked by a whole group of kids. All of them crowded around me, and some even hugged my legs tightly as they looked up with an adorable smile on their faces. They all shouted their greeting, and I said ‘hi’ back.

A girl tugged at my shirt, and I looked down before noticing that it was actually Yifei, a cute six-year-old diagnosed with leukemia who’d been at the hospital for the past three months.

“Hi, Yifei,” I said. “How are you feeling today?”

“Great!” she answered enthusiastically. “You didn’t tell me that your boyfriend is going to start working here!”

“My boyfriend…?” I tilted my head to the side as I walked to the middle of the room.

I mean, I did talk to her about my boyfriend—many times actually, since she was such a curious child—but I didn’t think that she would recognize Lucas just from a description. And besides, Lucas didn’t tell me anything. Was he trying to surprise me?

“Yeah!” she exclaimed and gasped as she pointed at the door behind me. “Oh, look, it’s your boyfriend!”

When I turned around, expecting to see Lucas, my mouth fell down, and I sputtered.

The man in front of me was definitely not Lucas.

I turned back to Yifei who grinned back at me, her eyes shining. I let out a small sigh, not really wanting to crush her hopes. She had always told me that one of her dreams was to meet my boyfriend before leaving the hospital. And I knew for a fact that Lucas would never set foot in this place.

“Boyfriend?” Hendery walked over to us and then turned to me with a wicked grin. “Hers?”

I glared at him, asking him to drop it, but he wouldn’t. He leaned in, just close enough to my ear, his hot breath fanning the side of my cheek. “Revenge for the other day at the clinic.”

I whined. “I thought you’ve already had your revenge! I didn’t even do anything this time.”

Hendery let out a breathy, low chuckle. I shook my head at him. Victoria asked me to show him around and even left us with a warning. “No funny business, you two. I know you guys are horny university students but please don’t forget that this is still a children’s hospital.”

I was so taken aback that I didn’t even get to say that I had a boyfriend. A boyfriend that wasn’t Hendery. And Victoria already knew that. Why did she say that, then?

I could feel my cheeks burning during the whole tour and Hendery laughing next to me didn’t help either. I punched him on the shoulder because I knew he was doing it on purpose—he just knew how to push my buttons.

We didn’t talk much as I gave him a small tour. When we were done with it, we walked back to the children’s playroom because it was almost time for them to take their nap. One by one, we put the kids to bed, which didn’t take long since most of their rooms were near the playroom. Yifei was the last one. As I tucked her in, she let out a small giggle, and I raised an eyebrow, asking her what exactly amused her so much.

“I just think that you and Hendery gege look so great together,” she said with a tired smile. Right, I forgot to tell her that he wasn’t my boyfriend. I was about to, though, until she cut me off with a comment that rendered me speechless. “You look so much happier when you’re with him.”

She quickly fell asleep, probably tired from all the running she had been doing in the playroom. I sighed and then went to the break room where there were desks and beds for student part-timers like us to study and do our homework. Hendery was already there, reading a novel. He seemed to be focused, so I let him be.

I was going through my biology notes when I received a phone call from Lucas. I first thought it was weird because he never called me whenever I was at work. And besides, I was going to meet up with him after my shift was over, why was he calling me?

“Hey,” I answered the call a bit too loudly, earning myself a glare from Hendery, and I mouthed ‘sorry’ to him before continuing my conversation with Lucas in a softer tone. “What’s up?”

“Hey…” he said awkwardly, causing me to raise both of my eyebrows and to let go of my notes. “Something came up, and I don’t think I’ll be able to meet up with you after your shift.”

I was dumbstruck. Not because my boyfriend cancelled on me, but because this has been happening for a while now. I knew it wasn’t because I was mad at him. After all, he still cancelled on me even before that. He never gave me a plausible reason before, so this time, I was determined because this meeting actually mattered a lot to me.

“What? Why? What happened?” I said frantically, and I saw Hendery move in my peripheral vision, and I turned around, not wanting to disturb him even more. “Yukhei, you know how important this is to me.”

I could only hear silence on the other side of the line. “Yukhei?” And then the line went dead.

I scoffed in disbelief and threw my phone at the desk, not wanting to deal with this anymore. I rubbed my temples tiredly, and Hendery seemed to have noticed how distressed I was. He let go of his book and then sat down next to me, worry evident in his eyes.

“Hey, you okay? You look like you’re about to cry…”

“Cry out of frustration? Yeah, maybe!” I replied bitterly and shook my head with a faked wince. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to sound this rude.”

“Want to talk about it?” he asked, his voice abnormally soft and worried. “I mean, we still have about an hour left before the kids wake up and I don’t think either of us will be able to focus on our school work with you feeling this way…”

I hesitated a little. After all, I was going to complain about my boyfriend to his rival.

Was this right?

But a part of me trusted Hendery.

“Right, um, you see, my little brother recently came back from Germany, and I really wanted my boyfriend to meet him. So, we agreed to meet up after my shift,” I told him and sighed in frustration. “But he just cancelled on me without telling me why and he’s been doing this for a while now.”

Hendery’s body stiffened at my words but he made no sign of making a comment, so I continued, “I just don’t know what to think of this anymore. I feel so scared, but sometimes, I also am just so done with him.” I then looked at him with a small, sad smile. “I must sound so childish to you, huh? Sorry.”

“No, you don’t.”

My breath hitched at how sincere he sounded, and that was probably the second time I’ve seen him being so serious.

“Lucas’s your boyfriend, and he keeps ditching you for no reason. You have the right to rant and complain about this. As your boyfriend, he shouldn’t keep making you feel this insecure and scared.”

I looked down to the floor with a bitter chuckle. “Unfortunately, that’s how it is nowadays…”

There was a small silence. Then, I heard Hendery laughing. But it didn’t sound like he was making fun of me nor did he sound amused. Instead, his laugh sounded bittersweet and regretful.

“Hendery…?”

“If I were your boyfriend, I would never make you feel that way,” he suddenly said, his dark brown orbs boring into mine. “I would love and cherish you properly. I would never make you feel insecure, and I would always make sure that you’re happy, no matter what. Because you deserve to be happy and loved, and you absolutely do not deserve to be treated this way. Honestly, your boyfriend sure is a lucky guy for having you.”

I blinked at him, his words not yet settled in my mind just yet. But when they did, my cheeks suddenly flared up, and I immediately turned my head around, not wanting him to see just how embarrassed I was. Hendery probably noticed how shy I was, causing him to become flustered as well.

“No– that’s not– I mean– Ignore what I’ve just said, I was really just talking in hypothetical terms,” he stuttered as he explained.

My heartbeat sounded so loud to my ears, I was afraid Hendery might hear it too. I cleared my throat. “Um, right, of course.” But I also couldn’t help feeling abashed. Who wouldn’t feel putty and mushy at those words?

Though, there was this part of me that felt crestfallen too. It brought back some rather dreadful, unpleasant memories.

Memories that left me wanting for more than what Hendery could possibly offer to me.

And I also found it scary that I was able to talk to Hendery so easily and to relax around him. I felt so vulnerable yet so secure around him. But I found it scary because it took me about a year to get comfortable with Lucas, and it was perturbing that I let my guards down around the soccer player so effortlessly.

Hendery let out a small sigh of relief and smiled at me.

I smiled back, but it soon slipped away as soon as he turned his back to me.

I met up with Yangyang in front of the restaurant. But as I got closer, I realized how fidgety he was being. But I decided to ignore his weird behaviour. Maybe he was just nervous about meeting Lucas. Though, I didn’t tell him that my boyfriend wasn’t able to come. I didn’t want him to think that Lucas did not want to meet him.

“Yangyang!” I waved at him but soon frowned when he jumped and waved nervously at me as he kept messing with his bangs.

“Jie!” He waved back and looked to my right and left. “Your boyfriend is not here yet? Is he going to meet up with us later or something?”

I shook my head sadly. “I’m sorry. Something came up with Lucas, and he isn’t able to join us anymore.”

“Lucas?” He tilted his head. “That’s your boyfriend’s name?”

“Oh, yeah, I never really used his name when I talk about him, right?” I said. “I always say ‘my boyfriend’ or call him Yukhei, instead.”

“Ah, I see…”

I narrowed my eyes at him, and I pinched both of his cheeks. “You’re acting kind of weird right now.”

But, he let out a scream of pain, and I automatically let go, scared that I might have hurt him. But I didn’t even pinch him that hard. I felt something oily and sandy at the same time on my fingertips. I brought them to my eye-level as I rubbed them together, and I gasped in surprise.

“Are you wearing make-up?” My fingers went back to his cheeks, but he was adamant on avoiding them. “Stop moving!” I rubbed his apples until the concealer came off and I saw purple bruises decorating his face.

I let down my hands, and I looked at him thoughtfully. “Who did this to you?”

“Jie–”

“Who. Did. This. To. You?” I repeated.

“I don’t know,” he admitted, his eyes facing the ground. “An athlete from our uni or something. It happened during tryouts.”

Yangyang was for sure hiding something from me, but as if he could sense my inner conflict, he automatically changed the subject. “Jie, I’m okay, now, aren’t I? Like I’ve said, it was just an accident during tryouts! And besides, they’re going to heal in a few days. Don’t worry too much about me. Tell me a bit more about your boyfriend! I want to know who’s the lucky guy that melted my sister’s heart.”

I sighed in resignation and bumped my hips with his. “You’re ridiculous,” I told him before thinking about what I could possibly tell him. “Well, Yukhei, he’s…”

I trailed off, suddenly not being able to recall anything. My expression soon turned sour as I thought about why was I only able to remember the bad things that happened between Lucas and me.

Especially the huge fight we had over right before summer started.

Lucas and I had our first real huge fight right after the last day of school. Granted that we’ve had taken many breaks before but they never really lasted long. This time, our fight did lead to a break-up.

I was completely devastated.

Mei, having enough of me moping around the house, dragged me to this party that her boyfriend had organized to celebrate the end of the school year. I wasn’t really up for it, but she threatened to end our friendship.

“I’m telling you,” Mei said as we walked into Renjun’s house. “You should’ve worn that slutty black dress!”

I looked down at what I was wearing with a pout. “What’s wrong with my outfit?”

Mei rolled her eyes as she pulled me into the kitchen, probably searching for her boyfriend since she wasn’t much of a drinker, so I doubted that she dragged me there to get a drink. “Well, I mean, how do you expect to get yourself laid by wearing that?”

“But, I don’t…?”

She rolled her eyes once again, and I told her that her eyes were going to be stuck that way if she continued doing it, but of course, she ignored me. Since Renjun was in the music department and not the athletics, I didn’t know most of the people there, which I considered that to be both a blessing and a curse.

Mei reunited with her boyfriend and Renjun greeted me happily. He was probably glad to see that I finally decided to go out. Honestly, they were such a gossipy couple, I wouldn’t even be surprised if Renjun knew about my sex life thanks to Mei. I let the couple have their alone time and wandered around the place.

However, since I didn’t know anybody, and the room was getting too loud and stuffy for my taste, I escaped to the backyard. I came here often with Mei, so I remembered that there was a hammock hidden somewhere between the trees. Though, instead of finding that hammock empty and free, I discovered Wong Hendery already sitting on it while gazing up the stars.

“Oh!” I exclaimed in surprise and turned my back, about to leave. “I didn’t know there was already someone here.”

“It’s okay,” Hendery said with a smile and pat on the empty space next to him. “Come and join me. I don’t bite.”

I chewed on my bottom lip before taking up on his offer. I did feel a bit awkward around him, though. I mean, Hendery and I did share a few classes and have done a few projects together before, but we’ve never really talked outside of those contexts. But I recalled that he was friends with Sicheng, a soccer player who was both in the athletics and music departments.

“I don’t usually see you at parties,” he suddenly said to me after I’d settled down. “So, what exactly brought you here?”

I sighed through my nose, lowkey tired of having this conversation again. “My boyfriend and I broke up. So, my best friend thought that bringing me out here would do me some good or something.”

His eyebrows shot up in surprise and then looked away from me. I mentally scolded myself for making things awkward. I could have just said that I felt like coming out. Why did I have to mention something so uncomfortable?

Hendery scratched his head as he said, “You and Lucas aren’t together anymore?”

I hummed a little. “Yeah, I think it’s been almost a month now? God, I don’t know, I think I’ve lost count.”

“I’m sorry.”

I let out a small snort. “Why are you sorry? Don’t be. I don’t really care anymore, to be honest.”

If anything, his expression seemed to have brightened up after hearing my words, but I didn’t dig too much into it. I was stunned that Hendery knew my boy—ex-boyfriend’s—name, but then I remembered that Hendery and Lucas were rivals. I guess it made sense that he knew.

Hendery and I then talked about various topics: from the most random things to our future, the latter being a subject I’ve never really discussed with Lucas before. We then talked about our hobbies and Hendery started rambling off about soccer and his position when I suddenly stopped him.

“Oh, you don’t have to explain your position to me.”

“I… don’t?” He pouted, and I burst out laughing at how cute he looked. Hendery smiled a little, his eyes crinkling at the corners—making them look like crescent moons—and he tilted his head, waiting for me to elaborate.

“People in my family are huge soccer freaks,” I said. “My dad used to play for his university team, and my little brother plays it as well, though he also plays football. Their faces when they found out that I was dating a football player were priceless!”

He chuckled along with me. “What about your mum?”

“She’s a huge fan of David Beckham—it’s the same thing, right?”

Hendery laughed, his voice low, rough and warm, yet, somehow, it reminded me of twinkling bells despite its contrast. “You’re funny.”

I let out a humourless chuckle. “Maybe if I were funnier and less uptight, Lucas wouldn’t have broken up with me.”

Then, there was another silence, and I almost slapped myself. I was about to apologize and stand up to leave when Hendery suddenly grabbed my hand and pulled me back down.

“Let’s play a game!”

I unconsciously let myself dragged into Hendery’s pace and listened to his explanation of the game. A person would start the game with a word and the second person had to find a new word using the last letter of the first word given. Afterward, we would have to tell a story related to the word given. A person would lose when they either couldn’t find a word or a story to tell anymore.

“Captain,” Hendery said the word first. “I hope that I’ll get the captain position next year so that I could end this dumb rivalry. It does more bad than good, and honestly, if it continues this way, we won’t even have enough players for our future games anymore.”

My eyes slightly widened at his reasoning. “How noble,” I replied. “You know, now that I think about it, I’ve never heard or seen you do anything against the football players before. I have much respect for you.”

“Why, thank you,” he said and pretended to raise a hat. “But alas, as much as I appreciate your compliment, I can’t say that I’m doing this for the right cause, though.”

I frowned. “Why are you doing this, then?”

His eyes twinkled at my question. “I guess that’s something for me to keep, and for you to find out. Perhaps I’ll tell you after the party’s over or when I get that captain position.”

I narrowed my eyes down at him. “You promise?”

“Nope,” he said and even popped the ‘p’ in the end to tease me. He snickered at my pout and bumped shoulders with me. “Your turn. Your letter is n.”

He then saw the dark expression on my face. “What? Our resident school genius can’t seem to find a word that starts with n? How scandalous. I have to tell the others!”

I let out a scoff, offended. “No way. Game on, Hendery Wong.”

“Call me Kunhang,” he suddenly said. My heart started beating faster at his request. Calling him by his Chinese name sounded too personal. But I dumbly nodded, somehow liking the fact that I was allowed this little privilege.

I honestly didn’t know for how long we were playing this game, but I wasn’t bored at all. After so many rounds, I’ve slowly realized that I told Hendery stories that I’ve never really told other people before. Not even Lucas, and not even Mei.

A part of me did wonder why was I able to open up to Hendery so easily. I’ve always had been a somewhat closed-off person, so I was genuinely taken aback that I was so comfortable with him.

He felt just like home. Cozy and warm.

“Mhm, jiejie,” I said after listening to his story about how he threw his chicken wings to his friend’s plate because they were bad (the word he gave was his friend’s name TJ). “According to my parents, my little brother’s first word wasn’t dad or mum but actually jiejie. I was definitely amazed, but I think at that moment, I felt like the happiest person alive. I mean, I’ve always had a close relationship with my little brother ever since we were younger, so I really miss him now that he’s studying in Germany.”

I turned around and made a face at him. “Sorry, that must have been a rather boring story, right? Lucas always tells me that I’m annoying when I talk and brag about my little brother.”

Hendery shook his head furiously. “No! Don’t say that! I think that you’re…”

When he didn’t continue his sentence, tension appeared in the air. We stared in each other’s eyes, our bodies unmoving. I could hear and feel my heartbeat becoming louder and faster.

“You think I’m what, Kunhang?” I whispered to him.

His eyes were determined and unwavering. “I think you’re pretty amazing.”

I let out a sharp intake of breath that I was unconsciously holding in and my eyes kept looking back and forth from his dark, brown orbs to his soft, pink lips. Although his hair was slightly hiding his eyes, I was still mesmerized by how dusky they were. Hendery licked his lips as he moved closer to me. I inhaled deeply as I stared at his face that was lit by the moonlight, inching closer and closer. Our faces were just a few millimetres apart, our lips carefully brushing each other but not quite touching just yet.

This pull between the two of us—I’d never felt this before with Lucas. He seemed to be hesitating a little—for what reason, I did not know. But I knew one thing. I knew that I wanted to kiss him. Badly. And I did. My hands that were by my side slowly went up to his chest and cupped his jaw before I softly pressed my lips against his.

Moving towards Hendery and kissing him just felt like the most natural thing in the world. I almost felt like as if I was born into this world to be with him; as if I was born for this moment. It was surreal and crazy. The kiss didn’t feel rushed, leaving us both to savour the moment.

And that was how I spent the rest of the night. Kissing Hendery, over and over again with a few giggles and laughter in between. I really enjoyed spending time with him. So much that I even told Mei to not even bother giving me a ride home, and lied to Hendery that she went home before me so that he could give me a ride back.

We took a lot of detours before arriving at my place. I actually dreaded the moment when he pulled into my driveway. I knew that I really wanted to spend more time with Hendery—I could feel it in my heart and my guts—but I didn’t want to rush things either since I just got out of a relationship.

Hendery was a gentleman the whole night. He never took things too slow and never too far either, as if he could sense my current feelings. We kissed again before I left, but then I suddenly turned around.

“Hendery… I really enjoyed tonight, I really did. Thank you,” I said to him. “Can we meet up again? I mean, just the two of us?”

One side of his lips went up. “Are you asking me out on a date?”

I blushed furiously, not expecting that. But I nodded my head nonetheless.

“I would love to,” he replied, and I felt a sense of relief washing over my body.

“Great!” I exclaimed happily. “You still have my phone number, right?” He confirmed. “So, let’s meet up tomorrow?”

“Sure, where?”

“Mhm, how about the entrance of the mall near our school?”

“I’ll see you there,” he had said.

And I had waited and waited.

He didn’t come.

And I didn’t see him there.

“Jie?” Yangyang’s voice woke me up from my reverie. “Are you okay?”

“Huh? Yeah, I’m fine!” I replied a tad too enthusiastically. “Sorry, did I just space out on you?”

“Yeah, but, it’s okay. Don’t worry too much about it. Just…”

“Mhm?” I looked up to him. “What’s up?”

“You didn’t really answer my question…”

“Oh, right, Yukhei, he’s–”

And I tried telling everything I liked about Lucas. But inwardly, I reprimanded myself. Because I knew that I wasn’t sincere half of the time. Because, despite Lucas ditching me for the nth time, he was still a great boyfriend and he didn’t deserve a girlfriend with a wandering mind.

But, Kunhang.

I shook my head mentally.

No, Yukhei.

But even then, I knew that I was lying to myself.

Lucas and I got into another fight. It wasn’t because he ditched me or anything, but because he didn’t like the fact that I was treating so many soccer players at the clinic. I explained to him that it was my job and that I didn’t have a choice. Yet he wouldn’t accept it and even demanded me to quit the internship.

He also got mad at the fact that I was assigned to be the soccer team’s AT instead of the football team’s. I tried to make him understand that it wasn’t my choice or decision, but instead, it was the head-physio’s.

And then, it was the same old story.

I got mad at him, again.

He apologized to me, again.

And I forgave him, again.

I told him that I would ask the head-physio to reconsider. I was weary from the argument, and I didn’t want to fight with him anymore because it was draining me. I was tired of always being the one initiating a compromise. It was never him.

But I could tell that this caused us to drift apart. If I thought that Lucas was distant because he kept ditching me, well, this fight was a whole new, different story. Even Mei could feel that something had changed between the two of us and couldn’t help but stare at the empty space between the two of us when Lucas decided to eat with us at the cafeteria.

Xiaojun and his girlfriend (whose name I forgot, but it was pointless to remember it since he changed his girlfriend as often as his underwear) also joined us at the table. Though, I didn’t pay the girl any attention since she was always on her phone.

We were talking about a party that Kun was organizing to celebrate the beginning of a new school year, later on, tonight. Mei and Renjun were talking about going on a date before heading to the party, and I was delighted with that idea as well. So much that I suggested the same thing to Lucas.

However, his eyes were either focused on his phone, or his attention was on Xiaojun. I tried not to let his attitude get to me. I mean, we just got out of a fight, and if Lucas was not willing to be the more mature one in the relationship, then I’ll be that person.

I didn’t mind.

I had to not mind.

Lucas and Xiaojun left for their practice, and I was going to leave soon too. Mei grabbed my wrist and gave me a look, but I shook my head silently. I wasn’t in the mood to talk about what was going on between Lucas and I.

I left for the clinic, where the interning ATs’ lockers were. I then changed into my AT clothes and headed to the soccer practice. Unfortunately for myself, the soccer team and the football team had to share the turf tor the day. Though I pushed that thought to the back of my mind. I had to focus on the team that I was responsible for.

I said hello to a few team members, and Chenle came over to said hi and to get himself taped.

“How are your ribs?” I asked as I started taping around his knee and eyed it carefully. “I thought I told you not to play for a while? When did you injure your knees?”

“Better!” Chenle replied happily before hesitating a little. “And, well…”

I didn’t even need to hear the rest of his answer to know what happened to him. “Was Lucas the one who did this to you?”

“I was just helping out this new kid who was trying out for the team,” he mumbled, not exactly answering my question. I sighed at his reply. He took that as a sign to give his spot to another player who needed my assistance.

Someone plopped himself in front of me and said, “I need tape around my ankles.”

I looked up and saw Hendery who looked concerned. I nodded and grabbed another roll of tape. “You never told me that you injured your ankles before,” I said. “How tight do you want the tape to be?”

“Try me, and I’ll tell you when to stop,” he replied and furrowed his brows as he recalled, “And I injured them a long time ago, and they got better. Right now, it’s more of a psychological thing. I feel like that I could play better and not injure myself if I have my ankles taped, you know?”

I hummed as a response, and he continued the conversation, “Your boyfriend’s looking over here. He looks mad about something.”

I remained silent, ignoring his comment.

“I think he’s coming over here.”

I pulled a bit too hard on the tape at his words, causing him to wince.

“Too tight, love.”

I was too concerned with his tape that I didn’t even realize the nickname he used.

“Oh, sorry, I’ll adjust it right–” But before I could have done anything, Lucas appeared next to me out of nowhere and yanked me up.

“What do you think you’re doing?” he said with a growl.

I shook his hand off. “Yukhei, can we talk about this later? I need to–”

“No,” Hendery cut in and shook his head before motioning Lucas with his chin. “It’s fine. Finish your conversation. I can finish the rest of the tape on my own.”

“Are you sure?” I asked, my brows furrowed.

“Positive. I might not be able to do it as well as a professional, but I’ve seen the previous ATs do it enough for me to finish taping myself up. Go.”

I bit my bottom lip in apprehension. It would be irresponsible of me to relieve myself of my duty, but if I didn’t, then Lucas would never leave me alone. So, I reluctantly followed Lucas to the sidelines, and I felt uncomfortable with all the stares that I was receiving from players of both sides.

“What do you want, Yukhei?” I crossed my arms, my eyes unable to meet his.

He scoffed. “I thought you said you were going to talk to the old guy and ask him to switch you over to the football team?”

“Yeah, I did, and I got an earful because of it,” I replied harshly. “The head-physio thinks that I’m better off with the soccer team, then I’m better off with the soccer team. What is wrong with you, Lucas? I’m only there to help them and to treat them, it’s not like as if I’m going to wander off with one of the soccer players and make out behind a goal post or something.”

He let out a small groan and rubbed his face. “Can you not be like that? I just don’t want to see you hanging out with those guys. I’m telling you, they’re bad news.”

I shot him a glare. “I don’t think you’re in any position to say anything about them.” I massaged my temple, already sensing a headache. “Look, can we just not fight about this anymore? I told you I was going to talk to the old man, and I did, but he said no. What else can I do? Why can’t you just trust me?”

“Oh, babe.” He hugged me close to him, his lips trailing from the side of my face to my lips, and he then buried his nose into my hair. “Of course, I trust you. I just don’t trust the soccer players. I know you’ve seen my bad side, but you’ve also seen my good side, right? You know I have a valid reason to do those things, don’t you?”

I didn’t answer. After all, for me, there was never a valid reason for anyone to resort to violence or petty actions. We were in college, for God’s sake. Why did it feel like we were still stuck in high school?

Lucas pecked me one last time on the lips before running back to his team. I was about to run back to the soccer team when someone suddenly grabbed my wrist.

It was my co-worker, Sehun, another one of the interning ATs. “Small emergency,” he said, his eyes shaking. “Watch over the football practice for me?”

I narrowed my eyes at him. “You know you can always ask the old man to replace you, right? I can’t take care of two teams at the same time. What if someone gets injured without me knowing it?”

“It’ll take five minutes, I swear!”

I let out a small groan, and Sehun knew that I accepted his unreasonable request. He jokingly blew me a kiss before running off towards the bathrooms.

I was literally on edge the whole time. I was on the fifty-line, making sure that I could see what was going on both sides.

On one side, I had people tackling each other with heavy equipment.

On the other, I had people running after each other at a crazy speed with a ball in between their legs.

They were all doing fine until I heard groans from both sides.

A crowd gathered around the injured athletes, and I wasn’t able to see which athlete’s injury was worse. But luckily, Sehun came back right on time, and I pushed him towards the football team.

I quickly ran towards the soccer team. The only reason why I was initially debating was that I was alone and didn’t know which team to prioritize, but now that that idiot Sehun finally came back, there was no need for me to overthink this. I had my responsibilities, and I wasn’t going to let my personal feelings get in the way of my job.

The players made way for me, and I gasped when I saw that Hendery was the one injured. He was crouching and grabbing his leg in pain. More importantly, his ankle—the one that I wasn’t able to finish taping. I pushed them all away and softly grabbed his ankle as I shook my head.

“I’m so sorry. This is all my fault.”

Hendery raised a brow at me, a dark expression on his face, but still occasionally winced in pain. “What do you mean, it’s your fault?”

I shook my head, disappointed at how unprofessional I was being. “I should have never talked to Lucas. Now, look at what happened to you. If I did finish your tape, then you would feel secure, and you wouldn’t injure yourself.”

I could feel some tears well up. I wasn’t really an emotional kind of girl, but everything that happened just took a toll on me, and I feel like all the pent-up emotions just exploded.

But Hendery gently cradled my face into his hands and rubbed comforting circles on my cheeks. The other soccer players grumbled and left us alone. Hendery gently shushed me and wiped the tears that were threatening to fall away from my eyes.

“Hey, shh, what are you talking about? It’s not your fault, it’s mine. I should have been more honest and say that I needed you to finish taping me. What am I talking about? It’s not even about my ankles! I just didn’t see where was I going so I just stumbled upon one of the guys and accidentally sprained it, that’s all—it’s nothing big.”

“Nothing big? Nothing big! Kunhang, you have your first game in less than–”

“Love, just calm down, okay? It’ll heal in time for our first game,” he whispered to me and pushed the strands of my hair back behind my ears. “Breathe, just breathe.”

I eventually did calm myself down. When I reassured Hendery that I was fine, I forced him to lean on me so that I could bring him to the bench and further examine him without having an anxiety attack again.

“Your ankle is a bit swollen, so we’ll ice it for now and see how it goes. But, I think you should stay out for the rest of the practice,” I said. “Try to avoid running. If it gets worse, take an appointment with me, okay?”

He nodded, and I gave him the ice pack. “Do you want me to wrap it or do you want to hold it instead?”

“I’ll just hold it, thanks.”

“I don’t deserve your thanks,” I mumbled, and he shot me a glare as if he was telling me ‘are-we-seriously-going-to-have-this-conversation-again?’. I raised my hands up in surrender and then sat down next to him, watching over the other soccer players.

“Are you going to the party tonight?” Hendery asked.

I let out a small hum. “Yeah, I’m going with Mei and her boyfriend, my boyfriend and maybe his friends. I think the only ones that confirmed are Xiaojun and his girlfriend, though.”

Hendery’s body seemed to have frozen at my words, but I didn’t think much of it. “You shouldn’t go to that party. Parties have never been your thing, no?”

I gave him a weird look. I knew Hendery—at least, a bit, I think—and I knew that he wouldn’t say that randomly. I admit that I was kind of skeptical of what he really meant, but I didn’t think much of it. Our… relationship (I honestly had no clue what to call it now) had come to this. I guess he probably just wanted to look out for me because he was worried.

“Don’t worry. I’m going to be with Lucas, anyway. Nothing is going to happen.”

His eyes darkened a little. He didn’t say anything else and just nodded at my words.

Despite my confidence, I couldn’t help this foreboding feeling that was buried in my guts. I then went back home to prepare myself for the date and for the party. I just finished showering, and I was about to put on my makeup when my little brother came into my room with a cheeky smile.

I rolled my eyes. “What do you want?”

Yangyang cocked an eyebrow at me. “You are going to the party, right?”

“Yes…?” I replied, unsurely. “Why?”

“Are you going to drive there?”

“Yeah, Yukhei wants to drink, so I’ll be driving. Need a ride?”

His expression immediately fell. “Never mind, then. I wouldn’t want to disturb you lovebirds. I’ll just ask someone else for a ride.”

“No, don’t worry about it. You’re my little brother, of course, I would give you a ride. And besides, you still haven’t met Yukhei, haven’t you?”

He shook his head. “No, it’s fine, I’ll get a ride from my captain or something.”

“Captain?” I tilted my head. “Wait, you tried out for the soccer team?”

His eyes widened. “How did you know?”

“Lucas’s the captain of the football team. So, unless you’re talking about another football team with a different captain, you obviously tried out for the soccer team.”

He waved everything away with both of his arms. “Jie! Seriously, don’t worry about me. Just enjoy your date, okay? You deserve it!”

With that said, he left my room. Yangyang didn’t even answer my question correctly. I was going to see him later at the party, so I guess I shouldn’t worry too much about it. After finishing my makeup, I wore a black cami bodycon dress with a pair of matching heels and a lace choker. Lucas arrived just on time, and my mum called me from downstairs.

I went down after grabbing a leather jacket and a small purse. Lucas was by the door, wearing a dark blue and green striped shirt with a silk-like material that showed his toned chest. I was touched that he decided to wear the shirt that I got him for his birthday. It was a customized shirt, and I went through hell to get it.

His hands were in his pockets, looking so shy and sheepish as ever in front of my parents. He raised his head when he heard me coming down. His eyes were unblinking as they looked my body up and down in appreciation.

When I finally arrived in front of him, I cleared my throat a little, “My eyes are up here, Yukhei.”

He abruptly pulled me by the hips and then gave me a small peck on my temple before whispering in my ear, “You are so beautiful.”

“Thank you.”

I haven’t felt this abashed for a while, so I took this as a good sign. Lucas and I were perhaps not in the honeymoon phase of our relationship anymore, but I will always appreciate these small, sweet moments we have after an argument or a fight. It makes me think that we’ve fought for this relationship, that we’ve tried.

Out of the blue, Lucas kissed me on the lips. Hard. One of his hands trailed up from my arm to my chin, and he tugged at it to deepen the kiss. His other hand that was around my hips slowly went down and squeezed my butt, causing me to moan a little.

“Yukhei,” I said between kisses. “My parents… are… here…”

I could hear footsteps going up, leaving my boyfriend and me alone in the living room.

“Not anymore,” he mumbled against my lips.

I softly pushed him away from me, stopping our small make-out session. Honestly, if I didn’t, he would have probably suggested something along the lines of ‘taking it upstairs to my room’ and I didn’t want that. I was all dressed up for the date (that Lucas texted me at last minute after his practice that it was going to be a surprise) and I was really looking forward to what he had planned.

“Come on,” I said as I pulled him to exit the house. “Didn’t you say that you wanted to surprise me?”

He grumbled as we went to his car, but nonetheless, he made sure to give me a good time. He brought me to this Italian restaurant I remembered telling him that I wanted to go and try out right before we broke up. He then brought me to a night market because he knew just how much I enjoyed those.

Lucas had never been a huge romantic, even when we first started dating each other. So, to see him put in so much effort made me feel all warm and happy on the inside.

The foreboding feeling I’ve had from Hendery’s warning completely vanished. I mentally berated myself for even thinking that way. Lucas was my boyfriend, and yes, we’ve had our differences, and yes, we’ve had our fights, but that didn’t mean that we weren’t right for each other.

However, as the night progressed, I could see that Lucas was getting more and more distracted. Whenever I tried to get his attention, he would look at me for a few seconds before going back to his phone. When we were done going through the market, he asked me, in a slightly irritated tone, “Can we go to the party now?”

I was slightly taken aback with his attitude. It was a wonder how he could have been so sweet and caring just a few hours ago, and now, he was acting as if I was a huge nuisance. But I tried to reason with myself that maybe the date was dragged longer than it was supposed to be and maybe Lucas wanted to get to the party as soon as possible.

I didn’t complain much when he left me to go to his friends. I told myself that I’ve had him for most of the early evening, so it was okay to be separated. It’s not like as if we weren’t going to reunite after the party.

Thankfully, I was able to find Mei.

“Ha! So, you finally wore that slutty black dress that I kept bugging you to wear! You look good,” Mei said as soon as she saw me and I thanked her as I passed her a can of soda.

We spent the whole night eating chips and drinking soda. She didn’t like drinking, and I was the designated driver. And besides, staying sober actually allowed us to enjoy the party more than other people since we were conscious and could still laugh at other people’s mishaps.

“Ouh, lookie there, lover boy is staring at you,” Mei said all of a sudden, gesturing all across the room with her can of Sprite.

I honestly thought that she was talking about Lucas, so I quickly gave a look to see how he was faring. But instead of meeting Lucas’s eyes, I met Hendery’s dark chocolate brown ones. A girl was standing next to him, talking to him animatedly, and her hand was dangerously low. I could tell that he was distracted. But I immediately looked away and glared at Mei.

“Didn’t need to know and see that,” I muttered. “And stop calling him lover boy!”

Ever since I told Mei what happened the morning I had that dream, and what happened during summer, she kept teasing me. I admitted to her that I was still a bit upset that Hendery ditched me and didn’t contact me at all for the rest of the summer. But now that I was back with Lucas, I wasn’t allowed to feel that way anymore.

Not when Lucas was so sweet to me a couple of hours ago.

Not ever.

I shouldn’t even care about Hendery. But there was a little green monster threatening to appear. I drank another can of Pepsi as if I was forcing it down with the drink. But every time I told myself to not think of Hendery because Lucas was literally inside the same house, my eyes would always wander off to the corner of the room, where he was standing.

He just looked so effortlessly handsome. He was wearing a black turtleneck that accentuated his broad shoulders and chest perfectly, and a pair of skinny black jeans that fit his long legs and ass perfectly. It was practically impossible to ignore him when he was just oozing with charisma.

I could hear Mei snickering next to me, and I flipped her off. I was only able to break out of my subtle staring session when a guy suddenly bumped into me, and I instantly recognized him as my little brother.

“Jie!” He gave me a huge hug. “There you are! I was wondering where you were.”

“Yangyang!” I exclaimed and saw how red and tipsy he was. “Yeah, you’re drunk.”

“Just a tad,” he replied with a loopy grin and abruptly raised a finger, trying to make a point, “but I’m still conscious!”

“You know him?” Mei raised a brow, and I pushed him to her, causing her to let out a small yelp, but she caught him nonetheless.

“Oh, true, you’ve never really met him, huh!” I said excitedly. “Mei, meet my little brother, Yangyang, and Yangyang–” I gave him a side look and then turned to my best friend. “You know what, I’ll introduce you guys later. Right now, can you just take care of him while I’m going to go find Lucas? I promised my little brother that I would drive him home. Hopefully, he’ll sober up a little before I come back.”

She waved at me to quickly go find Lucas so that she didn’t have to support my little brother anymore. I remembered seeing Lucas going up to the second floor with a few of his friends, so that was where I went first. When I reached the second floor, I found Xiaojun leaning against the wall with a red cup in his hands.

“Aye, look who it is!” He hopped toward me. “It’s my favourite girl!”

I chuckled. “Are you sure you didn’t drink too much tonight, Dejun?”

“Nope! So, what’s up?”

“Nothing really, I figured it’s late, and I have to drive my little brother back home. So, I was just looking for Yukhei so that I could borrow his car and then come back to pick him up when the party’s over.”

“Ah, Yukhei?”

“Yeah,” I replied and frowned when I saw how fidgety he got when I mentioned my boyfriend. “Have you seen him?”

He kept chuckling awkwardly, and his eyes kept darting around as if he wanted to escape from me. He even slowly started backing away from me.

I raised a brow at him. “Jun?”

“Ah, right, Yukhei! Our Lucas!” he said with a huge grin, and that was when I knew something was wrong. “He’s in the bathroom, he’ll be done in a minute! I’ll tell him that you were looking for him so you can just go back to whatever you were doing!”

“Um, yeah, no, I need his car keys, pronto,” I said with a roll of my eyes and pushed him aside to head to the bathroom.

It wasn’t like it’ll be the first time I’ll see Lucas doing his business in the bathroom. What got his panties in a twist, I wouldn’t know. “You’re acting weird, Dejun-ah.”

“Wait!” he shouted and pulled me back. “You really don’t want to go to the bathroom. You don’t even know if it’s actually Lucas in it! What if it’s someone else?”

“Dude, you just said that he was in the bathroom.”

I walked past him and headed for the bathroom. Despite the loud music, I was still able to pick up some noises from inside. I heard moans and smacking sounds, and my hand automatically went up to the handle to only find out that it wasn’t locked. I didn’t open the door just yet.

There were two possibilities in this situation.

One, I would barge in and accidentally ruin a couple’s heated moment.

Or two, my expectations would be met.

Either way, I wasn’t going to lose anything.

So, when I opened the door, sure enough, Lucas was in there. He was with a girl whose face I wasn’t able to see clearly. But I didn’t need to. They were leaning against the wall and seemed to be having a very heated make-out session. Her hand was already inside his pants, and his were fondling her chest.

I let out a small scoff. I was wrong. This was more than a simple make-out session.

“Wow, just, wow.”

Lucas jumped away from the girl, and my eyes widened slightly when I realized who the girl was. At that moment, everything seemed to have clicked in my head.

Xiaojun arrived right after me, and he let out a few curse words. However, when I turned around, he didn’t seem shocked or surprised. It was as if he knew everything.

I mentally scoffed.

Of course, he knew.

He was in this from the beginning.

Everything just made sense.

Why the girl didn’t talk to me much. Why she barely interacted with anyone at the table. Why she still sat with us in the cafeteria even though Xiaojun wasn’t there. Why she and Lucas seemed to always be on their phones at the same time.

Because Xiaojun’s relationship with her was fake. It was just a cover-up for Lucas’s affair.

Lucas whispered my name and took a step to my direction, but I pointed the finger at him. “Don’t you dare.”

He froze in his steps.

My mind at that point was a blur. I wasn’t able to think coherently or rationally. I was close to just punching the living daylights out of Lucas, but I refrained myself.

I turned back and pushed Xiaojun out of the way. I immediately went downstairs, searching for Mei and hoping that she could just ask Renjun to give a ride home to Yangyang. I knew at the moment that I needed space, that I needed to get out of this place fast.

I felt wholly disgusted with not only the way he uttered my name but with myself as well. I hated that my heart still somehow yearned for him when he pronounced my name. I hated that Lucas still had an effect on me. I just would have never thought that he would cheat on me, not when both of us worked so hard to get to where we were currently.

Not when he asked me—begged me—to take him back.

I thought everything was going to be okay.

But, I should have known.

Mei was still at the same place that I left her earlier. Yangyang was there too, and thankfully, he seemed to have sobered up a little as well. However, that also meant that Yangyang had a clearer vision than before. Being my little brother, of course, he would notice that something was wrong.

“Jie?” He put his hands around my shoulders. “What’s wrong?”

I shook my head frantically. The earlier that I was out of here, the better. I didn’t want to cause a huge scene, and I didn’t wish for Lucas to run after me either. But both Yangyang and Mei were insistent, and I wasn’t able to leave the place, causing Lucas to catch up to me.

However, unexpectedly, he didn’t talk to me first. Instead, he spoke to Yangyang.

“What the hell are you doing around my girl?” he growled at him. “I guess the lesson that I’ve taught you before wasn’t enough, huh? Do I have to beat you up again so that it’ll get inside your head?”

Yangyang seemed to be so afraid of him. Then, I realized where those bruises came from. I pushed my little brother behind me. I didn’t even realize that the whole house went silent as they observe the confrontation between Lucas and me.

But at that moment, I didn’t care.

Because at that moment, all I could see was red.

“You were the one who beat up Yangyang?” I asked him in a low voice. “You were the one who gave him those bruises?”

Lucas crossed his arms. “Yeah, he’s a rookie that got accepted into the soccer team who then wanted to try out for the football team. That just basically hurt the team’s pride and as captain, I had to teach him a lesson.” He then frowned. “Why are you so defensive? What, is he your play toy or something? If he is, then you shouldn’t get mad at me for cheating on you.”

“Fuck you, Lucas, he’s my little brother!” I shouted at him, and I lost my cool when I heard his words.

I was able to control myself when I saw him with that tramp in the bathroom. But I wasn’t able to contain my rage after finding out that he was the one who traumatized my little brother to the point that he was scared to go to school now.

I scoffed loudly. “And wow, I shouldn’t get mad at you? Oh, trust me, it’s a bit late for that because I am beyond mad,” I spat at him. “And no, I am not your girl, Wong Lucas. Not anymore. I thought you changed when you asked me to be your girlfriend again, but clearly, you didn’t. So, we’re over.”

Everyone around us went “ooooh,” but I could care less. However, Lucas, being the prideful star quarterback of the team, always wanted the last word. I’ve been with him for almost two years and a half. I knew how he was like and I always will because he would never, ever change.

Lucas laughed out loud. “Ha! Don’t go talking as if you’re some goody-two-shoes. You think that I don’t know what happened between you and that stupid soccer captain during summer?”

I scoffed and crossed my arms. “Should I remind you that we were broken up, Lucas? It’s none of your business.”

But then I fell silent as I realized the meaning behind his words. I shook my head slowly, a look of shock, disbelief, and disappointment on my face. “Wow, so that’s why you wanted to go back with me… Because I was with someone that was not you?”

He remained silent, and I took that as his response. Obviously, that was his reason. Lucas was a child, he would never let go of his pride for anything in the world.

“Fantastic!” I exclaimed, almost hysterically. “Just great. Actually, you know what? You can go back to fucking that tramp in Kun’s bathroom–”

“Gross!” I heard someone say and I was pretty confident that it was Kun.

“–or better yet, just go fuck yourself. Even a bitch like her deserves someone better than a low-life like you.”

I was done saying my piece, but that didn’t mean that I didn’t feel humiliated from the night. I might have been the one with the last words, but it left a bitter taste in my mouth. In the end, I was still the one who was the most hurt.

I ran out of Kun’s house. Not that I was able to go far with the dress and pair of heels I was wearing. I ended up on some random street and sat on the sidewalk. It was dark, cold and creepy. I looked back from where I was coming from, and I shook my head.

Even though this dark atmosphere made me feel scared and lonely, I didn’t want to go back to the party.

I didn’t want to see Lucas.

I didn’t even want to breathe the same air as him.

That asshole didn’t even apologize, now that I thought about it. Ha.

I heard my name being called and I turned around. A part of me still stupidly expected Lucas to run after me and apologize, or maybe just insult me again.

But instead, it was Hendery.

“Go away,” I muttered half-heartedly.

I was too tired to deal with him, and I really didn’t have the energy to walk away. So, I just let him be. I wanted to be alone, but a part of me was relieved that someone was there with me. I expected him to ask questions, but he didn’t.

We just basked in the tranquility and let the serenity envelop us. It did help me calm down, but that also meant that it made me weak and impotent. There was no one I knew well enough around, and that’s when the waterworks came.

I wasn’t sobbing uncontrollably, though. I thought it was funny because I felt so hurt and damaged from what Lucas had done to me. He took out of my heart and trampled all over it without a second guilty thought. But, it was funny because now that I think about it, I wasn’t as hurt as I thought I was.

I was done crying after maybe five minutes. Hendery still hadn’t said anything, and I was grateful for his silence. I got up from the sidewalk and exhaled deeply. “Thanks, Hendery.”

“What for?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “Just thanks.”

I patted away the dust from my butt and bade Hendery good night as I walked away. All of a sudden, I felt something warm around my shoulders and realized that Hendery just draped his leather jacket over me.

“Oh!” I looked at my arms. Right, I forgot mine back at the party. I reminded myself to text Mei to get it back for me. “Um, thanks again,” I said, my cheeks red and warm.

“You need a ride, don’t you?”

I looked to my right and left and then looked down at his foot. “Isn’t your ankle sprained?”

“Nah, it’s my right foot that is hurt, so it’s not the gear foot. And besides, like I’ve said to you earlier, it’s not that bad.”

“Thanks, but I’ll walk.”

“You live like 10km away from here.”

“How did you know?”

“I gave you a ride back home from Renjun’s party this summer, remember?”

I stared at him, almost in disbelief.

Hendery had always acted as if what went down between us at Renjun’s party never happened. But I pushed that thought away. It wasn’t the time for me to confront him about that anyways. Lucas was my ride home, but that went down the drain.

So, I nodded and followed him back to his motorcycle. I gave him a look. He reassured me that he was fine when he rode it to Kun’s place. I believed him and put on the helmet. And in less than fifteen minutes, we were already in front of my house.

I slowly got up from the bike and gave him back the helmet. “Thanks for the ride and good night. I’ll see you at school.”

He nodded and watched me walk up to my house when he called my name. I turned around with an inquisitive look. Hendery opened his mouth and closed it and opened it again. “You didn’t deserve what he did to you. You’re an amazing girl, and any guy who hurts you definitely doesn’t deserve to be with you.”

I almost replied that since he also hurt me, did that mean that he didn’t deserve to be with me either? But I couldn’t summon the courage to do so, so I inclined my head in thanks and went inside my house.

My parents were cuddling in front of the TV and greeted me, but I ignored them and ran to my room and closed the door before sliding down from it.

I was fine now.

I was in my sanctuary, my safe haven.

I could finally cry properly.

And I could finally, slowly and painfully discard any memories I’ve had with Lucas out of my mind for good.

I would have never thought that I would say this but breaking up with Lucas wasn’t even the hardest part, but it was actually telling the news to my family. They liked Lucas and knew how much he made me happy.

My mum hugged me, and my dad gave me a pat on the back. I didn’t tell them that the breakup was related to Yangyang, though. However, my father, being closer to me than my mum, confronted me that morning after she left for work.

“You want another cup of coffee, Dad?” I asked him as I held up the pot.

“Darling,” he said, and I had a bad feeling about where this was going. “You two just got back together barely a month ago, what happened?”

I let out a shaky breath. Hiding things from him was useless. “Yuk– Lucas, he… he cheated on me.”

He shook his head at the news. “Oh, I am so sorry.”

“It’s okay, I’ll get over it soon.”

“No, honey, it’s not okay,” he said sternly. “Anybody who cheats and hurts my baby girl doesn’t deserve you at all.”

The words hit me, and I suddenly let out a small chuckle. My dad seemed to be pleased that he was able to make me laugh a little, but he didn’t understand why was I laughing.

“A friend of mine told me almost the exact same thing,” I revealed. “And he’s a soccer player too.”

“Well, at least now you know that soccer players are the best. Just ask your mum!” He winked at me. “But in all seriousness, maybe you should take this as a life lesson. Not everything in your life will go in your way, and that’s fine because that’s how life works.”

I paused. “I really shouldn’t be so hung up on a guy like that, huh?”

He patted my head comfortingly. “Honey, you’re still young, so I’m going to tell you this. Eventually, you will end up where you need to be, with who you’re meant to be, and doing what you should be doing. I know it can be hard, but if you give it some time and let it go, I promise you everything will be better, and one day, when you look back to this day, you’ll think of it as a happy, bittersweet memory.”

I smiled at him before giving him a hug. “Thanks, dad, you’re the best.”

“I know,” he said and then kissed the top of my head. “Just want you to know that as long as he doesn’t hurt you, I will welcome the next boy with open arms.”

I shrugged. “Who knows, maybe I’m going to give up on boys in general.”

“Funny,” he deadpanned and grabbed his suit from the chair. “Bye, I’ll see you tonight!”

After he left, I went back to my room to change. The party was on the Friday before our break. During the whole week, I did mope around – exactly like how I was at the start of summer. Hence why my parents asked me if something happened and I had no choice but tell them everything. In the end, I had about almost a whole week and a half to mentally prepare myself.

I also had a lot of time to get over the whole issue, too. I was actually amazed to see myself getting back up so quickly. I acted nothing like the girl Lucas had broken up with right before summer. If anything, I felt as if a whole weight had been lifted off my shoulder, as if someone released me from Lucas’s restraints. Though, I was still mad about the fact that Lucas broke his promise to me and still continued to hurt the soccer players, not to mention Yangyang as well.

Since I didn’t have any classes on Monday, I went to the children’s hospital to work.

The kids were so good today instead of being their mischievous selves as if they could sense that I wasn’t in the best mood. I was touched and apologized to them since I wasn’t able to play with them much and I probably dampened their mood. Even Victoria noticed how crestfallen I was and even kindly asked if I wanted to leave early. I took her offer and apologized to her, but she shook it off and told me to feel better soon.

I got home and went to my bedroom immediately. I didn’t really feel like talking to anyone, and I felt terrible because I knew how worried my family was about me, especially my little brother. Yangyang actually blamed himself for breaking us up, but I reassured him that he wasn’t at fault and that I would still break up with Lucas because he hurt him. Perhaps that was the second reason. Maybe that was the catalyst.

But deep down inside of me, I knew that was not the reason why I was so glum and dispirited. A particular soccer captain had been occupying my mind for the whole break, and even though I tried to convince myself before that I hated feeling this way, right now, it was almost the complete opposite.

“Sweetheart!” I heard my father call me from downstairs. “Someone is here to see you!”

I frowned and wondered who could it be. A part of me did wonder whether it was Lucas or not since he hadn’t apologized to my brother or to me. Though, knowing my father, I doubted that he would actually let Lucas see me. To my surprise, it was actually Hendery. My dad gave me a sly look and patted me on the back as he left to go to his room.

“I just came back home and saw this lad walking in circles in front of our house,” he explained as he walked by and then whispered near my ear, “Is he the soccer player you were talking about?”

He saw exasperated I was and snorted with laughter before leaving me with Hendery. He did look slightly uncomfortable but he evidently loosened up when he saw me. I smiled at him and waved; he did the same. However, he seemed to have noticed how surprised I was.

“Sorry, were you expecting someone else?” he asked.

But I quickly shook my head in denial. “I just thought maybe Lucas came…”

“Oh.” He seemed to be disappointed with my answer and then replied rather curtly, “Well, I guess I should leave since I’m not the guy you were hoping to see.”

“No, that’s not what I mean!” I grabbed his hand and held onto it tightly. “You have it all wrong. I wasn’t hoping to see him, I simply thought that Lucas finally came by to apologize.”

His brows furrowed. “He still hasn’t apologized to you yet?”

“I just want him to come and apologize to my little brother. I don’t really care about what happened between us anymore. I just can’t believe that he actually cheated on me. I mean, I knew him since we were in high school– Oh, I’m rambling off. I’m sorry, you probably didn’t even want to hear what happened between us.”

I sighed. “So, why are you here?”

“You weren’t at the clinic today so I thought I would come by after practice to see how you were faring,” he replied and then brightened up. “And I’m glad to see that you’re still kicking ass.”

I laughed a bit. “Oh, trust me, for about a week, I wasn’t, but yeah, I do feel better. And I’m much happier, lighter—I don’t know how to describe this, really. I just feel less tied down? Less self-conscious now that I’m not dating the school’s star quarterback anymore? I just really didn’t like the labelling and stuff. Too high key for my taste.”

I then made a face. “I rambled off again, didn’t I?”

He tilted his head to me. “It’s okay,” he said. “Actually, I also came here to ask if you wanted to go for ice cream?”

My breath hitched at his question, and I bit my bottom lip at his question. I didn’t even realize how close Hendery and I became, and it was unnerving. I had never been a fan of the unexpected. I liked predictability and comfort, which was why I stayed with Lucas because he was my first and only boyfriend. I was comfortable with him.

But not anymore.

Hendery was another story. He was spontaneous, genuine, and natural to get along with. The fact that he was in front of me at the moment proved that what happened between us during summer was real and what I felt for him was real. I was comfortable and lighthearted around Hendery.

Though, I was reminded that Hendery rejected me. I gave him—us—a chance, and he didn’t take it. So, I felt conflicted on how was I supposed to act now.

Yet, in the end, I still accepted his offer for ice cream.

“Sure,” I said and shouted into the house. “I’ll be back!”

I finally let go of Hendery’s hand to lock the door and then followed him to the sidewalk. However, as we were walking, he then held my hand again and squeezed it tightly. I looked up at him in surprise, but he just stared ahead, not giving me a second look. But I noticed how pink the tips of his ears were and inwardly released a sigh of relief. I wasn’t the only one feeling self-conscious; Hendery was aware of his own actions.

We finally arrived at the ice cream parlour. We both looked at the menu, and he asked what type of ice cream flavour I’d like. I scrunched my nose, and he chuckled. “Not a big fan of ice cream?” I shook my head, and he raised a teasing brow at me. “Then why did you accept to go on this ice cream date with me?”

I shrugged and avoided his hot, questioning gaze. “I just wanted to spend time with you…” I then nudged his elbow gently. “Do you think you can get me a mango sorbet instead?”

He chuckled softly. “Sure thing.”

I grimaced. Now that I wasn’t with Lucas anymore, I wasn’t so shy about appreciating that smooth charming low voice of his. “You really have to stop doing that,” I said before I could even stop myself. My hand immediately went to my mouth in surprise, not exactly expecting myself to reveal my thoughts.

“Stop doing what?”

I probably looked like a deer in headlights. “Nothing?”

He chuckled again. “You’re so cute.”

I quickly looked away and said that I was going to find a seat. Hendery hummed in reply, and I went to the back where there was a booth. He came after five minutes and handed me my sorbet. My hands went to my pockets to pay him back but to only realize that I forgot to bring my wallet out with me. Hendery noticed it and reassured me that I didn’t have to pay him back.

As I dug into my treat, Hendery kept glancing at me but immediately averted his eyes when he noticed that I caught him staring at me.

He coughed. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Talk about what?”

“You know…”

“Oh,” I said, and I let go of my spoon. I’ve finished my sorbet, so I felt a bit awkward, a bit unsure of what I should do with my hands. In the end, I folded my hands on the table. “Well, I don’t know what to say exactly. But, I actually feel… happier now that I’m not with him, anymore. I’ve always thought that Lucas and I were going to be forever together and all when we first started dating. But I guess that was just naïve of me to think so.”

“When did you guys start dating?”

“Uh, after we graduated from high school and we’ve been together ever since. But you know, minus all the breaks we took in-between.”

We then fell silent. I just didn’t know what else to say to him. It was weird talking about my past relationship with my current crush. I didn’t want him to get the wrong idea that I was still not over Lucas either.

“I don’t even know why I even accepted to go back with him when he asked me to take him back,” I suddenly blurted out. “I knew that I was not happy with him anymore, but I guess that since he was my first love and everything, I didn’t want to let him go.” I let out a big sigh. “Okay, enough about me, what about you?”

“Me?” He seemed surprised by my question. I nodded, and he shrugged. “My first love is an unrequited one, I guess. We were in the same class, and we sat right next to each other. I was feeling down at that time because I got benched for the first game of the season. She simply said hi to me with that beautiful smile of hers and that’s when I knew that I was hooked. I fell for her right at that moment.”

My heart constricted at his words. He sounded so in love with this girl and yet so in pain at the same time. I felt so jealous and pained at that moment. Because if he sounded so in love with her right now, then whatever that happened between us during summer was probably nothing for him. Maybe that’s why he didn’t come and meet me in front of the mall like we’ve said we were.

“But she had a boyfriend, so I wasn’t able to do anything, especially since I knew how much she loved him,” he said. “I was definitely hurt and disappointed, but what could I do, really? I thought that as long as she was happy, then I would be happy for her too. But I’ve found out that she wasn’t happy, so I knew that I just have to do everything to make her happy.”

I felt like she was the luckiest girl in the world to have someone like Hendery to love her so unconditionally and irrevocably.

“I see…” I said. “So, what are you going to do now?”

He smirked at me. “I’m going to pursue her, obviously. And ask her to be my girlfriend.”

A wave of bitterness and regrets suddenly overwhelmed my senses. I didn’t even get to confess how I felt about Hendery, and I was already getting rejected. For the second time. I felt so pathetic. Of course, Hendery wouldn’t want me. I was Lucas’s ex-girlfriend—who would want me, anyway?

Hendery probably noticed that I wasn’t feeling too well and his playful expression changed into a concerned one. “You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah, I’m fine!” I replied a bit too quickly, and I abruptly got up from my seat. “Well, the girl you love is really lucky to have you by her side. And it’s getting late now, so I’m going to go home. I’ll see you later, Hendery.”

“Wait, I’ll walk you–”

“I don’t need you to walk me home!” I replied a bit too harshly and immediately felt guilty when I saw hurt flash in his eyes, but I didn’t apologize. “I’ll see you at school.”

I was tired of apologizing and feeling worthless.

I was tired of acting as if everything was okay.

I just wanted to go home.

I didn’t see Hendery for about two weeks. I begged Victoria to change my shifts at the hospital, and I asked the head-physio to give me more hours at the clinic instead of the field (a request he complied with as soon as he saw how desperate I was). I thought I did a fantastic job at avoiding and ignoring Hendery whenever I could.

I did talk to Mei about how I felt—about both Lucas (and the situation) and Hendery. She listened to me wholeheartedly and suggested that maybe I should confess to Hendery so that I won’t feel so miserable anymore. She also said that perhaps it was a huge misunderstanding as well since I was very much the type to jump into conclusions, and maybe I should have a heart-to-heart with Hendery.

I told her that I would think about it. But things were hectic, especially with school work, and I was super busy at the clinic as well. Athletes just came and go with injuries all over their bodies. Fortunately, I didn’t get any football players as patients, but I guessed that must be because they felt awkward with their captain being my ex and all.

Xiaojun came by with an iced coffee and a croissant to apologize to me. We made amends. He was relieved, and he hurrahed because he didn’t want to take an appointment with the head-physio for his latest injury. I told him to take the last spot of the day, and he nodded.

My second-to-last athlete of the day came in, and I dreaded this moment because I knew it was Hendery. I gave him a tight smile and motioned him to sit down on the table.

“Are you here for a new injury or for an old one?”

He said my name because I refused to look at him in the eyes. “Can we please talk? I feel like a misunderstanding happened and I want to fix this as soon as possible.”

“No, I’m working at the moment,” I replied. “Either you tell me what you’re here for or you are free to leave.”

“Please,” he begged and made puppy dog eyes at me. I could feel my coworkers looking at us, and I let out a sigh of resignation.

“Fine,” I said. “We can talk after my shift is done, okay?” He nodded excitedly. “Now would you please tell me if you’re here for a new or old injury?”

“An old one,” he said and then told me the name of the intern who took care of him previously as I looked for his file. I found it and then proceeded to his evaluation and treatment.

For one, I was grateful that he kept this strictly professional, even though people knew me for being overly close with the athletes (not my fault if they were all my friends). Most of the other interns were older and from other schools, hence why they were not as close as I was to the athletes.

Xiaojun came in five minutes before his appointment, and I told him to wait a while. He nodded but soon frowned when he noticed who was my current patient, but he didn’t say anything. I told Hendery to continue his exercises and bade him good-bye. I also promised him that I would meet him after I was done with my shift and that was when he finally accepted to leave the clinic.

I then turned to Xiaojun who was sitting on the table opposite of the one Hendery was on. “So, how did you get injured?” I asked him as I filled out all his basic information. However, I was met with silence, and I lifted my head up. “Dejun?”

He sighed heavily. “He’s a wreck, right now, you know?”

My body stiffened at his words, and I pursed my lips. He was talking about Lucas. But I showed no signs of caring. It was about time that Lucas felt an ounce of what I was going through. And besides, he was the one at fault, not me. How could he be so selfish and dare to say that he was a wreck?

“I don’t have time for this,” I said. “I’m not going back to him. And he still hasn’t apologized to me or my brother either, for that matter.”

“Does this mean you are going back with him if he apologizes to you both properly?”

“I don’t know,” I answered quickly, wanting to get this over with so that I could meet up with Hendery as fast as possible. I was already overly anxious about the fact that Hendery tried to confront me about something, I wasn’t in the right mind to reply to Xiaojun properly, so I just said whatever to him.

However, Xiaojun seemed to be satisfied with my answer and ran off, leaving me taken aback. I let out a groan when I realized that he just played me and he simply wanted to talk to me. And the only time he could do that was during my hours since he knew that I was busy with both school and work and that if he did ask me to meet up with him outside of those contexts, I would probably refuse him.

That was smart of him, even though he just wasted my time.

I cleaned after myself and headed to the café where Hendery was waiting for me next to our campus. I entered and saw Hendery sitting in a booth at the very end of the room, excluded from every other table.

“Here,” he said, and he pushed a drink towards me as I sat down. “I didn’t know what you liked so I went for a mango smoothie.”

“It’s perfect, thanks.” I accepted his drink gratefully.

The air around and between us was awkward, to say the least. I didn’t want to be the first one making a move since he was the one who wanted to talk. But I also noticed that he seemed to be quite nervous and stressed, so I didn’t urge him.

“I just… wanted to apologize,” he said. “I’m actually not really good with words, and I think that my words from two weeks before hurt you deeply and that wasn’t my intention at all. I don’t want this stupid misunderstanding to bring us apart. Especially not after I worked so hard to be able to get to where I am with you at the moment,” he grumbled, I think, that last line, mostly to himself.

He was so adorable at the moment that I couldn’t help but tease him a little.

“And where do you think you are with me currently?”

His eyes widened at my words and pink coloured his beautiful cheekbones. I chuckled as I took a long sip of my smoothie, waiting for him to continue. But his eyes seemed to be focused on my lips. I purposely poked out my tongue and licked the juice from my bottom lip, and snickered when I saw how in a trance he was.

“Kunhang?” I said in a playful voice.

His eyes averted back to me and frowned when he saw the innocent smile I had on my face. He probably realized that I was teasing him, but he didn’t seem to be angry. As a matter of fact, it was as if my teasing gave him a boost of confidence. His hands let go of the coffee cup he was holding, and he leaned back, but not too comfortably.

“I like you.”

I did not expect that. I almost choked on my smoothie, and my hands automatically released the drink (it didn’t make a mess, though, thank God). I was frozen stiff as I proceeded his words in my head over and over again. But he even didn’t leave me enough time for that.

“Actually, I feel more than that. I’ve always liked you. Since our first day of school and we had the same History morning class. You just walked in confidently and happily and sat down right next to me even though I gave off negative and scary vibes. You befriended me even though everyone else thought I was scary for brooding. You knew me even before I became popular because I was the soccer team’s star player. I want to tell you the three words so badly, but I also don’t want to scare you away.”

“I know you must still feel a bit hurt because of your breakup even though you say that you’re not, but I want you to know that it’s okay because I want to make you forget about your painful first relationship and I am going to make you forget about it. I promise you that I will never let anything hurt you and most importantly, I promise that I will never ever hurt you because I know that if you are hurt, then I am hurt as well.”

I held a hand up. “Wait, wait! So, the girl you were talking about was me? Why didn’t you just say so?”

Hendery gaped at me. “I gave you such a heartfelt speech, and that’s all you have to say?!”

I let out a small, nervous giggle. “No?”

“Unbelievable!” He scoffed. “But I guess that’s one of the reasons why I like you so much,” he said but then shook his head. “What else do you have to tell me?’

I played with the bit of my straw. “If you actually did like me so much, then why did you ditch me when we said we were going to meet up during summer?”

He sighed and ran a hand through his locks. “I was scared. You have to understand, I liked you since the first day we’ve met. When I found out that you and Lucas broke up, I was super ecstatic, and I was happy that our relationship was progressing so much. But I also felt like it was a dream, that it wasn’t my reality. And you guys are also known to have a rocky, on-and-off relationship. I just figured that maybe you guys will just go back together when summer ends. I didn’t want to hurt myself even more, so I just didn’t go.”

I repeated his same words. “Unbelievable! You know, if you did make an appearance then maybe I wouldn’t have gotten back with Lucas, and maybe I wouldn’t feel hurt at the moment because Lucas cheated on me.”

He shrugged nonchalantly, and I threw a dirty napkin at him. But he grabbed my hand that was in mid-air and closed the other hand on it, and then he leaned in closely.

Hendery stuttered out my name and smiled shyly at me. “I really like you. Would you be my girlfriend?”

I pouted slightly and looked down. “Do I even need to say it?”

“What do you think?”

I bit on my bottom lip, gathering all my courage as I said in a shy meekly voice, “I like you too, and I would love to be your girlfriend, Kunhang.”

“Look up for a second,” he said, and I shook my head in embarrassment. “Please?”

I really hate it when he does that.

I finally looked up, and my lips were suddenly captured by his. I closed my eyes and responded to his kiss. Hendery let go of my hand and went to my cheek. Gently, he caressed it and rubbed comforting circles. The kiss remained completely innocent and tender. I smiled through the kiss before breaking it off.

Now I finally understand why Yifei told me that I looked happier with Hendery.

I didn’t just look happier.

I honestly did feel happier.

There was a soccer game I wasn’t assigned to. Instead, the shift was given to someone else since I’d already done so many hours. Mei and Renjun were with me. Mei was surprised to see me attending a soccer match instead of a football one (even though everybody in my family were soccer freaks), so I had to explain everything to her.

You’d think that your best friend would squeal and hug in response, but nope. I got a punch in the arm instead and a few curses on how bad of a best friend I was.

Life was good.

Hendery told me during summer that he was a striker. Hence, why he was the star of the soccer team since he was the one scoring goals. The game ended with our school’s win, and everyone cheered. Mei and Renjun left when it was over to go on a date, and I stayed at the bleachers, waiting for everyone else to leave.

My eyes couldn’t leave Hendery. My eyes met Hendery’s, and he smiled at me, his eyes turning into beautiful crescent moons. He raised a finger, asking me to wait a sec, and I nodded at him. Hendery hugged his teammates and then walked up the bleachers towards me.

“Nice game,” I said before kissing him on the lips. “You look good in your uniform. You know, all sweaty and stuff.”

He laughed out loud, a certain twinkle in his eyes. Hendery then kissed me again. “I’m going to go shower, and then we can head out for our date.”

“Perfect,” I said. “I’ll meet you at the clinic? I still have a few things to go over with the old guy.”

He nodded and pecked me on the cheeks before heading back to the gym. I went back to the clinic and received my new schedule from the head-physio. After that, I waited on a stool for Hendery while I was playing on my phone. The clinic’s door suddenly opened, and I instantly brightened up, thinking it was my boyfriend, but I was disappointed.

It was Lucas.

I automatically went back to my phone, wanting to distract myself. Lucas was probably there for the old man. But he stopped right in front of me, forcing me to look at him. I reluctantly opened my mouth to talk. “Can I help you with anything, Lucas? As far as I am concerned, clinic hours are over.”

Lucas sighed and reached for my hand, but I retreated back. He looked at me in the eyes. “Can we talk, please?”

“No, we can’t,” I said. “The old man doesn’t allow visitors at this hour.”

Speak of the devil, he got out of his office and waved at me from the back. “I’m not getting myself involved in this. Text me when you guys are done talking so that I can lock up.”

I gaped at the man who was leaving me alone with the one guy I did not want to be stuck with. Not to mention how this ugly this was going to look when Hendery will arrive.

“Lucas, I have nothing to say to you,” I told him. “So, you can just leave. Poor Dejun is going to wait the whole night otherwise.”

Xiaojun shouted a greeting from behind the door, and I shook my head. “What else can I tell you, Lucas? We are never getting back together.”

“I ended things with her already. Told her to never contact me ever again. I did all of those things for you.”

I spluttered. “Excuse me? You never should have cheated on me in the first place! And for your information, you have beaten my little brother black and blue, and you still haven’t apologized to him!”

“Is that all you need for us to get back together?” His eyes were shining with hope, and I groaned in frustration. “Because if it is, then I will do it.”

“You are missing the point here,” I told him. “And for the last time, we are not getting back together. Look, Lucas, I did love you, I really did. But you broke my trust, and that’s something that you can never ever get back.”

“But–”

“Dude, just leave her alone,” Xiaojun said from the other side of the door. “You fucked up big time.”

“Shut up, Dejun,” he growled over his shoulder. Then he looked at me again. “Can we go somewhere? Just the two of us? I love you, I really do, and I really want us to start over. You owe it to me.”

I was flabbergasted and scoffed at him. “I owe you nothing, Wong Lucas.”

“Please–”

“Am I disturbing something, here?”

Lucas turned to look over as someone came near us. I let out a breath of relief when I realized it was Hendery.

“Do you mind? We were sort of talking here.”

“Actually, I do mind,” Hendery said, and I reached a hand out for him. My boyfriend grabbed my hand and pulled me towards him before wrapping an arm around my waist, keeping me close to him.

To where I really want to be.

“Anything you want to say to my girlfriend, you can say it to me too.”

Lucas was too shocked to say anything. Hendery and I just looked at each other and understood what we were thinking. He pulled me away and bumped shoulders with Lucas. “Excuse us.”

Xiaojun gaped when we passed by, but gave me a wink and a thumbs-up quickly after getting over his initial shock. I snorted and shook my head in exasperation at him.

Hendery led me to his motorcycle that was in the school’s parking lot and handed me a helmet.

“That was smooth,” I said to him as I accepted it.

He smiled cutely before he pulled me into his arms and kissed me. It was slow and teasing, exactly like Hendery’s personality, and it left me wanting for more. He tilted my head to deepen the kiss, and I happily granted him access. It wasn’t a sloppy, groping kiss but one that made me fall in love with Hendery harder than ever.

He pulled away after biting my bottom lip playfully and leaned his forehead against mine.

“Let’s go,” he said, and I nodded, not asking him where he was going to bring me.

Because no matter where he went, I knew that I was going to follow Hendery.

Because he was home.

And home was always where I wanted to be.

THE END.

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