#wow I’m never recovering ❤️‍🩹

[ggukminii]

THE WAY THEY’RE ALL LINKING HANDS 😞

[littlefeather98]

Wow. A lot happened. It seems like a forever ago since that time of my life happened. Ever since Christmas, I fell ill and I never saw any of my friends or family. Then after that, at the start of February, I had a heart attack. Yup. My body was so weak that I was nearly on my death bed. I spent the next three months recovering from Christmas and February to April. That was the first month I was able to walk on my own without being breathless or weak in a short distance. This month, May, I was working on spreading the short distance to longer ones, and I finally achieved my physical strength to walk long distances without my walker. Winter break really broken down all my strength and immune system and it was my biggest challenge to get out to grab food and survive. I had to do it on my own and it gave me clarity that the only true friend in my life that was somewhat there for me was my best friend. No one else gave a single or even a phone call or message to me so I guess that tells me that I’m not important in their lives. I haven’t cut them out of my life, but if I’m not a priority for them, I won’t make them my priority anymore. My goals this summer is to get ready for September because I’m going back to college this fall. Right now, I feel alright. But technically I’m over the edge of my insanity. I crashed and burned so right now I feel numb and tired. In March and April I was feeling so insane. I was practically screaming at myself and the pain in my heart was crushing my skull and twisting my bones. It was really eating at me and I couldn’t help it. I just let the pain took over my brain and I felt it melt away. Honestly, I think I let my brain gone through a utter torture loop of my biggest mental meltdown. Lastly, I still haven’t told my adopted mom about what happened to me in February. She knew about Christmas but not about what happened after. And I haven’t told her anything about college yet. When I was applying for college, it was right before I had a heart attack. I couldn’t just call her and say, “hey I’m back in the hospital from a heart attack and I just applied to college” and then my birthday came around (because it’s in February) and I couldn’t call her and be like “oh my goodness, I’m 25 now. I was just 7 when I came into your life” because I was still so weak to talk after the incidents. Again, I forgot to update you guys during the whole thing. I’m sure you’ll understand that this whole time I was recovering ❤️‍🩹 thank you.