#y'all fucked up and were wrong about perrin

[andorshitdaily]

Wandor Wednesday Wars #5 - Round Two

MARIO KART VERSUS MODE - WHO WOULD WIN?

Which character and racer pair has the best finish?

[apocalypticavolition]

Let's (re)Read The Eye of the World! Chapter 30: Children of Shadow

Spoiler alert: So many Wheel of Time spoilers are to come. You should go somewhere else if they bother ya. Too tired to make a longer spiel today.

The chapter icon this time is the Whitecloak's sigil, which checks out because guess who shows up to be awful this chapter?

“A blind man could read your face, boy. Well, speak up. Do you hate the girl? Despise her? That’s it. You were ready to kill her because you despise her, always dragging her feet, holding you back with her womanish ways.”

Elyas is such a weird fucking mentor. He knows damn well what Perrin's emotions were at the time, none of which were hatred. I guess he was planning on explaining to Perrin he had no right to decide this kind of thing, except Perrin's come to this conclusion on his own. So that saves time!

Perrin hefted the axe in his hands, still tempted to leave it in the pool. Easy for him to say wait. What if I wait and then can’t throw it away?

Worse still, what if you wait so long that the axe stops being an exclusive metaphorical symbol of your violent corruption so your throwing it away means nothing because you continue on your path of blind vengeance with no restraint or respect for morality? Because that's what's going to happen, Mr. Slavery-Is-Okay-When-I-Profit-Off-It.

But points for asking, and I guess it makes your reluctance to be a wolf shaman a little more understandable because you associate the two. It really is the narration's fault you end up where you do.

“Dapple says they smell wrong. It’s . . . sort of the way a rabid dog smells wrong.”

Whitecloak lovers take note.

We’ll shelter in Artur Hawkwing’s hand. Maybe some of his justice is left here.

Sadly, rather like late series Perrin, Hawkwing couldn't ever throw away the axe. Metaphorically speaking, it's really no surprise that a prospective Aes Sedai and a werewolf can't find shelter by him.

Light, he thought wonderingly, she’s trying to comfort me.

You are the emotional and hysterical one in this partnership. Though hey, I'll skip back a bit to give you credit for the kind of good insight that you really need to display more often:

People don’t see what they don’t expect.

Y'all ever see that video of the people throwing basketballs around and then a dude in a gorilla costume is running around in the background? Perrin hasn't and he still understands the lesson it taught me. Sadly, you're dealing with paranoid assholes, so they in fact expect enemies at every corner.

“There is something up there,” one of them said. His voice was too loud, as if he was afraid of what lay outside the light of his torch. “I told you somebody could hide in that. Isn’t that a horse?”

Really, between Perrin's empathy magic, scary familiars, and people-based reality warping, he should have really graduated to being a horrifying take on Batman that made most of his enemies ask dumb questions like this right before being eviscerated or at least tied up or something if he insisted on keeping Batman's no killing policy.

Out of the night Hopper came, and Perrin was one with the wolf. Hopper, the cub who had watched the eagles soar, and wanted so badly to fly through the sky as the eagles did. The cub who hopped and jumped and leaped until he could leap higher than any other wolf, and who never lost the cub’s yearning to soar through the sky.

Remember literally seven chapters ago when we were told wolf names were only impressions imperfectly translated into words? Turns out that Hopper's name is given to him for the exact sorts of reasons that all sorts of folks throughout history were given verby names and as such perfectly encapsulates him!

It seemed a kindly face, bluff and dignified, and something about it fit the elegant austerity of the tent’s furnishings. A table and a folding bed, a washstand with a plain white basin and pitcher, a single wooden chest inlaid in simple geometric patterns. Where there was wood, it was polished to a soft glow, and the metal gleamed, but not too brightly, and nothing was showy. Everything in the tent had the look of craftsmanship, but only someone who had watched the work of craftsmen—like Master Luhhan, or Master Aydaer, the cabinetmaker—would see it.

This is how we know that Geofram is a reasonable authority figure who does not represent the average Whitecloak, naturally. This reinforces a lot of his stuff about belief and order giving strength - normally the Whitecloaks are all zealotry without any real guide but their whims. But Geof here takes care of his shit.

“Nine men dead, my Lord Captain, and twenty-three injured, seven seriously. All can ride, though. Thirty horses had to be put down. They were hamstrung!” He emphasized that in his emotionless voice, as if what had happened to the horses were worse than the deaths and injuries to men. 

In fairness, the horses are innocent and only suffered because of their associations. Also, losses like this against a wolfpack of about seven are absolutely hysterical. Y'all are the continent's only standing army and this is what you've got?

Byar drew a deep breath and hesitated. “I have had the wolf that was with this lot skinned, my Lord Captain. The hide should make a fine rug for my Lord Captain’s tent.”

RIP Hopper. You didn't deserve any of this shit.

Cautiously, reluctantly, he felt for Elyas, for the wolves . . .  and found nothing. It was as if he had never been able to feel a wolf’s mind. Either they’re dead, or they’ve abandoned you.

Mostly the latter. Elyas got injured apparently, so at least there's kind of an excuse, but it's still pretty funny how quickly Perrin here got ditched.

“Excellently balanced, my Lord Captain. Plainly made, but by a very good weaponsmith, perhaps even a master.” His eyes burned darkly at the prisoners. “Not a villager’s weapon, my Lord Captain. Nor a farmer’s.”

Luhhan being such an amazing blacksmith that he can create masterwork combat weapons is honestly a bigger stretch to me than virtually any other Two Rivers Exceptionalism. I guess it helps that it's an axe and thus closely related to the kind of tools he'd be making anyway.

“Go easy, Child Byar.” Bornhald looked at the captives again. “I expect you do not know much about the Anointed, or about Lords Captain of the Children of the Light, do you? No, I thought not. Well, for Child Byar’s sake, at least, try not to argue or shout, yes? I want no more than that you should walk in the Light, and letting anger get the better of you won’t help any of us.”

Note that my description of Geof as "reasonable" is very much grading on a curve. Right now he's just playing good cop to Byar's bad cop and while Byar might legitimately be that awful, it's clear that Geof's very rehearsed in his interrogation techniques.

Perrin blinked, trying to clear his head. His brain still felt like jellied pain, but there was something wrong here. He could not get his thoughts straight enough to puzzle it out. “Not all of them,” Egwene muttered. Perrin gave Byar a wary look, but the gaunt man only watched her. “Some of them have horns, like rams or goats, or hawks’ beaks, or . . .  or . . .  all sorts of things.”

The problem with Egwene's being very enthusiastic about showing off everything she knows is that she's way too cooperative in interrogations. While Perrin is busy being concussed, she quickly digs a very deep trap for the two of them.

Egwene stared at him openly before she caught herself, but he pressed on with the truth—or a version of it. The two of them had left the Two Rivers to see Caemlyn. On the way they had heard of the ruins of a great city, but when they found Shadar Logoth, there were Trollocs there. The two of them managed to escape across the River Arinelle, but by that time they were completely lost. Then they fell in with a man who offered to guide them to Caemlyn. He had said his name was none of their business, and he hardly seemed friendly, but they needed a guide.

Possibly one of the reasons that Perrin doesn't get the time to shine as the third ta'veren going forward is that he stops needing to bullshit. He's really good at this for being concussed. Points to Egwene too, for being able to fill in the hole in his lie once he gets going. This is why you interrogate prisoners separately, so they can't coordinate their bullshit!

You may be telling the truth about being from the Two Rivers, since you know about Baerlon, and the mines. But Shadar Logoth . . . ? That is a name very, very few know, most of them Darkfriends, and anyone who knows enough to know the name, knows enough not to go there.

Of course, Perrin's story doesn't even get them as far as it might, since he casually namedrops ancient bullshit too. Really, it's almost unbelievable that Geof here is so educated; why was he at the devil's sacrament anyway?

“But you, just Perrin from the Two Rivers. You killed two of the Children.” He touched the axe that Byar still held. “For you, I fear, a gibbet waits in Amador.”

Don't fear, the gibbet is actually waiting in Ghealdan! Maybe Jordan would have had them move into Seanchan territory in his version of the story to complete the foreshadowing though? Kinda contrived but you never can tell.

Next time, we finally get back to Mat! Also Rand I guess but... Mat!

[highladyluck]

Wheel of Time 01x06 liveblog

Teaser:

Why is Alanna always eating fruit, is this a metaphor or what

Bring Your Children To Work Day is going well, I see

Shunning rituals! WE CONSTRUCT INTRICATE RITUALS TO TOUCH THE SKIN OF OUR GAY LOVER

I was promised homoeroticism and I better get it

Sea Folk? ooooh baby Siuan. Ooof, Tear really does not like channelers.

AL'NATIO!!! I guess it really is Siuan's theme, specifically. I still like my more general translation, though.

We have FISHY SAYINGS, I REPEAT, WE HAVE FISHY SAYINGS

She's so baby T_T

"Fish touch the moon's reflection every night" damn girl you got poetry and a refreshingly can-do attitude towards teaching male channelers doing the impossible

She comes, she comes! If your showverse Moiraine/Siuan fic doesn't include this phrase echoed at a crucial moment, then what the fuck are you even doing, go write Perrin/Mat instead if you need to get your gay on

THE OUTFITS

Moiraine like: "my hot GF is the pope"

Leane please step on me

Tower guards or Accepted?

Oh my god she sounds like Siuan should

Aes Sedai are unpopular, noted. Siuan like "I won't be goaded"

Siuan that's kinda fucked up, but otoh really sets up some parallels

Mmmm, a Green defending a Red (for the sake of a Green), got some shakeups in the standard politics maybe

"Laws exist to protect people from us" what an interesting thing to say- like, absolutely correct, but there are certain other countries that would say the same thing and mean it entirely differently, certain other countries that were already reminding me of Tear

Liandrin like *pouty face* "I wish mommy would yell at someone besides me"

Moiraine and Siuan staging a homoerotic drama to put Liandrin off the scent

"I will think on your penance" -> it's gonna be gay af

Why is Alanna always eating fruit, is this a metaphor or what

Tar Valon as Constantinople, I want to go to there T_T

Ooooooooh it's trauma time for my boy :) my stupid boy :) :) :)

I love how Rand is like "You'll have to go through me" and Lan is like "that's sweet but I'm going to disarm you now"

The way the black gunk interacts with the weaves almost looks like magnetic fields- kind of repelled and compelled at once- and I look forward to more special effects of that nature in future seasons [eyes emoji]

Give Barney an Oscar

"I would do it for any of you" love this Moirane and Rand sort of bonding moment

"He's stronger than he has any right to be" THAT'S MY STUPID BOY

Iiiiiinteresting so she's healed him of the dagger connection, but he can't touch it again or it's probably curtains. [So, knowing Mat, I would assume we are on track for the usual shenanigans... wait, y'all, what are the odds Mat ends up introducing the falcon to the party in this iteration? I want them to be friends.]

"Feeding on a darkness in him" wtf is that all about, though?

*nods to Rafe* This bisexual thanks you for Moiraine side butt [typing this now I have to confess that this is seared into my brain and I'm gonna be horny forever, also I originally left out those disappearing ships from my notes, which should confirm exactly how distracted I was]

When will people learn that you can't keep Moiraine in the Tower? She's like Mat, if you try to trap her she will run away

More Aes Sedai truthiness, on poor Egwene too, rude

Oh Egwene, count no one in this series dead until you see the body buried, and then check for supernatural allegiances XD

"It'll be like it never happened" Moiraine, honey, that's not how profound emotional trauma works

Moiraine like "Please don't tell anyone Perrin is a werewolf, they'd take it the wrong way"

"You masked our bond." "I'm delegating." "You're getting laid is what you're doing."

GIVE. ME. THE. GAY.

Guessing T'A'R? [later thoughts- my best guess is a ter'angreal that creates a construct space, like vacuoles or something]

Moiraine is a power bottom

yaaaaay someone is swearing by the Light!

I love the theme of untrustworthy data, incomplete information, etc

"You little pufferfish" omfg what an adorable petname for Moiraine I'm dead

"I'll kill them myself before I let him have them." yessss classic Moiraine lines

Siuan as a Dreamer? I'll accept it

eeeeey it's the plot, Dark One and the Eye of the World, which appears to be kind of Bore-like in this instance (no one make fun of the Dragon later when they make the speech, you know the one- in this turning Moiraine really is setting them up to think that!)

Moiraine like "please exile me, in any Turning of the Wheel I need to get out of this place"

"In this life or the next" MY HEART

Got some clumsy blackmail on Liandrin [The man in North Harbor- I've seen speculation this is Fain, but tbh it could be any bad guy or even related to those ship disappearances that got mentioned in the bath scene. Whoever it is, I will eat Mat's horrible coat if it's a romantic liaison.]

Moiraine gets her pun in: "A Way to surmount it"

"Confusing to have the woman and the throne named the same thing" *froths at the mouth* I *need* to write that Egwene and The Problematic Fave parallels essay, what delicious foils they are to each other

Omg, these actresses, Nyn is perfect, so is Egg

Bring Your Children To Work Day is going well, I see

Nyn vs Siuan is so fun "Then you must have very low standards"

"The Wheel doesn't care what you want, the only thing that matters is what you do" [Mat rejects your determinism! Mat rejects your determinism so hard he yeets himself out of the storyline XD]

You could cut the sexual tension with a knife

Swearing fealty on the oath rod to the judgement of the Amyrilin Seat... but Moiraine makes it VERY GAY and & specific to one person. That's a smart strategic choice, but also sets a precedent for oaths sworn to the person rather than the seat, at least if anyone else heard. [eyeballs emoji]

Shunning rituals! WE CONSTRUCT INTRICATE RITUALS TO TOUCH THE SKIN OF OUR GAY LOVER

It's Waygate time, bitches

Moiraine is such a horse girl

The gang's back together!

Am I reading too much into this or is this a ship tease between Mat and Perrin? Mat has such bisexual energy in this show and I do actually support it, I just literally can't believe I kinda ship Mat and Perrin

*Everyone* is a horse girl

WHO IS GONNA TAKE CARE OF MANDARB??? And Bela I guess

Rand's "are you shitting me" face is so good, he's like "Wait, you don't know who the Dragon is?"

"The earth itself will burn" EXCUSE ME WHY ARE WE LOOKING AT MAT RIGHT NOW XD

Nyneave asking the tough questions, as usual

Sidebar why has no one gotten Mat a better coat? There is wind in the ways, too!

Moiraine like "this is now beyond our control, the Wheel weaves as the wheel wills..." meanwhile Mat is like "Please don't make me deal with the darkness again, hahaha just kidding but actually not kidding at all." [OK, so obviously this was because Mat's actor left when Covid hit, but "You have no control and Fate is gonna chew you up and spit you out and you'll likely die if you're not the Dragon" is literally the most anti-Mat statement you could possibly make and I don't blame him for noping the fuck out. Besides, his fate is gonna find him anyway.]

Mat really is being set up as the Edmund Pevensie of the group here XD hope that deeply cursed Turkish Delight is worth it, buddy

"It's fairly obvious that one of them is the problem, and it's Mat. They should have been spending more time watching him!" - My beloved spouse, who is correct