#yeah I have tonsillitis in case you couldn't tell

[astrowell]

This damn weather made me ton on my sil till I itis

[lavender-romancer]

Hi! Can I request a teotfw imagine James x reader where you’re pregnant? Maybe after his dad dies or when he’s recovering on the hospital? Thanks!

Typical

James x Reader

CW: pregnancy, abortion possibility, stress

Just after James' dad died you began getting sick in the mornings and it was horrifically ironic how typical this was for your life

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It was typical, fucking typical of your body to do this to you now of all days! James' dad was hardly dead a day before your body decided to give you those two taunting red lines on the stupid piss stick. You'd got the flu just before your GCSE exams started and then a few years later just before your A Levels you got tonsillitis. You were convinced at this point that your body was just the main saboteur in your life who always gave you some kind of issue that never quite fit with the circumstance you were in because it hated you.

Under normal circumstances you didn't know how James would react but under these circumstances? You didn't even think he'd want to keep it. Did you want to keep it? You weren't sure. Either way it had happened and you weren't going to tell him straight away because Jesus Christ it would be bad timing.

You'd only been dating for three years and how could either of you know if you wanted a little monster crawling out of your vagina when you were both only 20. James wasn't the type to lead and you most certainly were the leader out of the two of you, he would just go with whatever decision you made. On one hand that was brilliant, very supportive and progressive but you wanted his true opinion, you didn't want him to resent a child you had together if he wasn't ready. How the shit were you supposed to get out of this one? You decided to message Alyssa, her cynicism would be welcomed by you at this point.

You: I need your help with something...

Alyssa:oh god what's happened now?

You:I'm pretty sure I'm 🤰🏾

Alyssa: shit

Alyssa: have you taken a test?

You: yeah so I'm pretty certain

Alyssa: have you told James?

You: not yet

Alyssa: you need too Y/n, like you definitely need too

You: I know I do but it's just after his dad I don't know if it's the right time or if I should wait

Alyssa:god it's like my brother and sister having a baby together, the thought of you two having sex is just 🤢

You: alright Alyssa fgs, I don't know what to do or how long to wait to tell him

Alyssa:if I were you I'd tell him as soon as possible so he has time to like digest the information

You:I think I might give myself a few days, do a few more tests and then tell him so I'm sure and I'm not messing around with his head

Alyssa: yeah tbf doing a few more tests seems logical but you just need to calm down and let yourself process it too because it's a shit load of information to deal with

You: yeah thanks I needed someone to just talk straight with me because I don't know if I can even tell my parents

Alyssa: yeah I definitely wouldn't be telling mine ahah ☠️

You: alright, I'll let you know what I end up doing, talk to you soon xx

Alyssa: talk soon xx

You had to decide how to act around James when you left this bathroom and even that was daunting for you. The little two bedroom flat you and James lived in together didn't have to many places where you could be alone and think about everything. You flushed the toilet and hid the stick in your pocket, too worried to put it into the little bin in the bathroom.

Looking at yourself in the mirror you tried to breath in and out but you couldn't believe this had happened. The feeling of guilt was so deep in your stomach even though you knew it wasn't a case of fault you couldn't help but feel it was yours. James wouldn't choose to have a baby when his dad's body wasn't even cold and you didn't know if he would be honest about his feelings about the pregnancy.

You excited the bathroom anxiously and walked into the front room where James was watching some shit nonsense TV. He smiled at you as you entered and you put a fake smile on as you approached him and sat next to him.

"You alright? You were in there a while?" James asked as you shuffled down and leant your head on his lap.

"Yeah, stomachs just playing up," you said softly and James started to stroke your hair as a way to comfort you.

It made you want to cry how tender he was with you, he would never hurt you or want to hurt you and you couldn't understand why he cared about you so much. You were both so young but you were happy with one another and your very small peripheral of friends you had together. But James...he was your person, he understood you most of the time and always let you know that you could tell him anything. You'd never felt so much affection from someone and yet you were scared you might loose it even though he'd never given you reason to believe that.

"What do you want for dinner?" James asked, cutting through your self deprecating thoughts.

"Uh...not sure. Comfort food probably, I'm not feeling the best at the moment and I know you aren't either so maybe just some pizzas for us?" You asked and James smiled, leaning down and kissing you on the temple.

James could tell something was wrong but he didn't want to press you for answers until you wanted to tell him. Most of the time you'd come around sooner or later and open up to him and he usually didn't press you for answers because it made you close up more. But after his dad's death he'd realised he couldn't mince his words anymore, there wasn't any time to be secretive or wait for answers because we were all dying or just waiting for death. He knew sooner or later he needed to ask you what was wrong.

You brought the pizza delivery into the front room a few hours later and James smiled up at you as he took his boxes. Sitting down next to him you watched TV and just ate pizza without really using your brain, you needed that thought eating numbness that evening crap TV gave you. Any thoughts going through your brain were purely self deprecating and pathetic. Pregnancy or abortion weren't the end of your life but you couldn't help but feel that either decision would be the wrong one, you just wished it had never happened and you didn't have to go through this horrible process.

The following day you went to the doctor's for an emergency appointment because you felt like you were losing your mind and you were too scared to do another test at home.

"So your results are coming up positive for pregnancy," The doctor told you as she sat back down at her desk "Do you want any information on your options from here?"

"I mean, I think I know what they are. I'm just...I'm scared about what my boyfriend will say," your eyes started to water and you put your head in your hands "He's just lost his dad and I don't know when to tell him or when is the right time."

"Here, take some tissues," she offered you a box and you took a few "Well, you're only at around 2-3 weeks right now, then you have until 23 weeks to make a termination decision so you have time to come to terms with this. However I would make note of when it's around 20 weeks just incase you and your boyfriend need that time to have a conversation."

"That's true, I do have some time I just feel so guilty like I'm not being honest with him and I just don't know how to have this conversation because we're so young." You wiped your eyes and looked at the floor as your legs dangled off the side of the examination bed. You felt like a child swinging your legs, still mentally dealing with issues like you always had with avoidance.

"You know this is your decision, it's more of your own ethical decision to tell your boyfriend. Even though I would reccomend informing them, it doesn't mean it's required or anything like that." She told you with a supportive smile and you nodded.

"I think it's just the language I would use to tell him that I'm struggling with. Like I don't know if he would see it as a blessing or a mistake you know?" You rubbed your temples.

"Have you ever brought up the idea of children to him? Just trying to gauge his opinion of having a pregnancy." She asked and you shook your head.

"Oh god was I supposed too? Is that a normal conversation Jesus Christ we're so weird. I've never even considered it and I know that's stupid but I've always been on the pill and had no issues so I guess I didn't want to see it as a possibility." You put your head in your hands and groaned.

"You have a lot of options, I'm going to give you these leaflets about different options and if you read through these at the right time you can have the discussion with your partner." She handed over three leaflets.

You got into your car with your paperwork of the positive test and the leaflets and just cried, you sobbed for the life you had now taken from you and James because whatever you chose to do it would completely change everything. You had three options, three pathways that could change your life forever and you didn't know which was the right choice. How were you supposed to know what to do when this had never happened before and had never been on your radar like it was now?

The 'morning sickness' before had just been feeling nauseous but now you were actively bring sick basically every morning for weeks on end and there was no way to hide it. You just had to pretend you had some kind of flu or food poisoning everytime. Having to hide your cravings was getting mentally exhausting at around 6 weeks, you decided olives and strawberries were the ideal meal for you one night. James had looked at the food with a curious expression but didn't press you for any answers. You were getting worried he would never bring it up and that meant you'd actually have to say something to him.

One day at around 8 weeks you found yourself holding your stomach whilst watching television as James came in from work. Your front door opened into your front room and he immediately saw you cradling your stomach and the collection of weird foods out in front of you like pineapple and chili flakes. It made him anxious, even more than usual.

"Y/n, is there something you need to talk to me about?" James asked as he sat down next to you.

"What do you mean, lovely?" You asked innocently as your muscles tensed up.

"The being sick, the weird food you've been eating lately and holding your stomach I just..." He trailed off.

"What this?" You asked as you sat up gesturing to the pineapple "No, this is a Mexican food or treat or something, fruit or sweets with something spicy. It's totally normal but I think it reacted weirdly with my stomach which is why I'm holding it." You put on an anxious smile and James did an over dramatic breath out.

"Well that's good, I thought you were pregnant for a minute there ahah. That would be a nightmare. I mean, at some point yeah sure but we're not exactly ready for all that are we!" James exclaimed as he stood up and went into the kitchen.

"Yeah, that's true." You muttered as your eyes started to well up and you started to control your breathing.

Over the last few weeks despite the sickness and the pains you'd got quite at home with the idea of a baby in your lives. The idea seemed to work in your head but you couldn't tell if it was the hormones or your real opinions at this point. He said it would be a nightmare, why would he use such harsh language for something that could conceivably happen by accident?

You walked out of the front room into your bedroom and took the three leaflets out of your bag, taking them into the bathroom to read again. They were all purely informative without any kind of religious affiliation or anything like that but you couldn't ignore that it seemed you and your boyfriend's end goal for a pregnancy would be different. He seemed to want an abortion, it wasn't a fair judgment because he didn't know you were pregnant but what else were you supposed to think?

You began to silently cry gripping the leaflet for abortions tightly, there were 2 clinics near enough to you but you had to get picked up by someone and you weren't sure who too pick. Alyssa was probably your only choice but fuck, you were going to want to see James so badly. Could you really do this without telling him? Should you even bother telling him? Maybe it would be less bother for him if you just got rid of it. God...calling it 'IT' was a mindfuck. You'd got used to calling the little clump of cells Aubrey or Brie and you didn't know if you were ready to let go. It was pathetic really, were you really that scared to tell your boyfriend about something that was literally the size of a raspberry.

You: I really need to talk to you, like in person.

Alyssa: yeah sure, want me to come over?

You: nah I'll come over to yours

Alyssa: okay, head over whenever:)

You arrived at Alyssa's flat with eyes full of tears and she quickly let you inside and got you some tea after sitting you down on the sofa.

"What's going on, Y/n?" She asked.

"He doesn't want a baby," you started crying and Alyssa got you a tissue

"Fuck sake, what did he say?"

"He thought I was pregnant and I lied and said I wasn't and he acted like it was a relief, like he was happy about it. And now...I just think he'd want me to have an abortion but I don't know if I can." You held your hands over your face and cried.

"So you haven't technically told him?" Alyssa asked.

"He said it would be a nightmare just at the thought of it." You said softly and Alyssa swore under her breath.

"I'm going to kill him, like I'm actually going to stab his face. Why is he so dense?" She rolled her eyes and you laughed slightly.

"I have no idea but fuck, he was so relieved when I said I wasn't pregnant, Alyssa. How am I supposed to tell him now?" You asked.

"I don't think it's a case of how are you supposed to, I think if you love him you need to tell him. You don't know how he's going to react in the actual situation. James is a fucking idiot if our friendship has taught me anything he often says things without thinking about the ramifications." Alyssa sat down next to you and gripped your hand.

"Maybe you're right but I just don't know what to do." You leant on her shoulder and cried.

You were 15 weeks and you and James had never felt further apart. You hardly talked, you slept most of the day whilst he seemed to be taking more shifts at work. Nothing felt right and you just wanted to run away, not have to think about any of this stupid shit like having an out of body experience where you could escape. You had decided to book an appointment with the abortion clinic and tell Alyssa when you were already there to pick you up afterwards. In your mind it was the most logical way to resolve the issue that had been pulling you and James apart. Maybe a baby wasn't right at this point, maybe your little apple size clump of cells wasn't worth all this trouble.

Fuck it was stressful trying to make a decision that would impact the rest of your life but you couldn't cope with the fact that it was tearing your relationship apart.

James knew everything was wrong, he knew something bad happened because everything was different and you weren't communicating the same with him as you had before. He was finishing up for the day at work and grabbed some food for dinner before getting into his car and just leaning his head on the steering wheel in defeat. He loved you so unexplainably, so deeply that he would do anything for you but you had seemed so distant lately and that only meant one thing. You had grown tired of all his shit and you wanted out. James knew that it was only a matter of time before you left him. His phone ringing cut through his thoughts.

"Hello?" James answered.

"Get down to the fucking St Clems clinic you fucking idiot! She's going to get rid of it!" Alyssa yelled down the phone "I'm already on my way there but she needs you dumbfuck."

"What are you talking about?" James asked, perplexed.

"Your girlfriend is about to have an abortion because you said having a baby with her would be a nightmare, James. If you care at all about this stupid cell clump you need to get there right now!" Alyssa yelled and James could hear her yelling at the traffic as well. He wasn't quite at the point of acceptance, more guilt.

"How long has she been pregnant?" James asked as he started his car.

"Like 15 weeks or some shit. I don't know, she needs your support regardless of what she chooses to do. She needs you James!"

That was all James needed to speed over to the clinic where he already saw Alyssa's car parked off to the side. James didn't know what he wanted as he ran up the steps, he didn't know if he wanted a baby or an abortion either way he couldn't believe he had been so fucking dense and not believed his gut. He knew you'd been pregnant, he just didn't want to understand or try too. He was a coward.

"James?" He heard your voice as he came through the doors into the waiting room before walking over to you and enveloping you in a massive hug.

"I told you he would come," Alyssa said with a smile.

"Can we please talk about this? I know the situation I just want us too communicate." James asked and you nodded with tears in your eyes.

"I've missed you so much," you said softly as your eyes began to let tears loose.

"I've missed you too lovely."

"Let's go home now," you told James as you stood up and held his hand.

"Okay." James smiled down at you.

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AN: I'm a huge believer in the right to choose and if anything I'm a big abortion supporter. This story is more to understand how daunting the choices you make with pregnancy are when you're on your own.

[thessalian]

Thess vs Why We Fight

Another one from the bowels of Reddit, mostly because it's interesting.

There's a subreddit - r/antijob - that I follow mostly to keep track of real people's experiences in the workplace other than my own. And there was a post where the question was asked, "Why do you do more than the bare minimum?" That was the title, anyway. While the question was genuine, it was also at least half a lead-in to "If you're not stealing time back from the company that abuses you for too little pay, you're doing it wrong".

Thing is ... I had an answer. And that answer is: "I do it for the patients".

Yes, I complain a lot about how much I'm being taken advantage of by my colleagues. How management is allowing and in fact encouraging me to torture myself by taking on overtime that Occupational Health has told me I should not be doing. But the thing is ... I could technically just ... not do it. I could say, "Fuck it; you're on your own". And I probably would, except for the fucking patients.

See, I type histology reports for a living. And while some of those are absolutely routine, bog-standard stuff that shouldn't be an issue ... a lot of them aren't. They don't take out your tonsils or appendix or gallbladder unless there's something wrong. They certainly don't take off your breasts or cut out your kidneys or segments of your fucking intestines unless there's something wrong. They don't stick needles in you to take pieces of your liver or your prostate or your lungs or that weird lump on your breast, or cut off bits of skin because that mole just doesn't look right ... unless there's something potentially wrong. Nine times out of ten, they're looking for cancer.

Now, I know a lot about cancer. I've worked a few oncology departments in my time. And the main thing I know is that you have to catch it early. The sooner you catch it, the sooner it can be treated, and the sooner it's treated, the better the odds that you'll get full remission. More to the point, if you delay any of that, it might spread to another part of the body and then the odds of the patient's survival just drop into the sub-basement. The first step to catching it? Getting histology results to the right people. And even though I only do the macroscopic reports and not the microscopic ones that let you know whether a thing's malignant or not, they can't authorise a report without that information on the damn form. So, in my own small way, I am helping to save lives. That is why I do what I do. That's why I couldn't really hack anything that wasn't directly medical. Arranging the diary of the head of the Royal College of General Practitioners or handling submissions to a medical journal? Eh, I could do it, but it wasn't satisfying. I want to be helping. I want my job to mean something. And mine does.

So I answered the Reddit post with that very fact. And I got, "Well, it wouldn't be your fault if things got delayed; it'd be the boss' fault for not hiring more staff". And thankfully someone else got in before me with the reply of, "Yeah, and Thess is going to feel so much better about a patient potentially dying, potentially painfully, just because it's not technically their fault, even though they could have done something? Have some fucking empathy!" From what I can tell, half the people who read that remark of mine think I'm a hero, and the other half think I'm a doormat. I dunno; maybe both, maybe neither. I just know that reports need doing ASAP because sometimes, even a few days makes a difference.

I don't think my colleagues understand that. I don't think my colleagues let themselves understand that. They just look at it as, "They dictate, I type". I never forget that the tissue those doctors were cutting up and poking at while dictating this stuff was fairly recently attached to and/or inside of a human being, and the fact that they're getting bits cut off or out means, as I said above, that there is something potentially wrong. Best case scenario? Everything's fine, and the patient gets relief from the stress of potentially being sick a little sooner. Worst case scenario? There is a problem and the report gets to the right people quicker, and the patient stands a better chance of surviving it. Either way, it's important. What we do is important.

So I guess it's not even just work ethic, although that's a good-sized part of it. Most of all, it's making a difference, in a small way that might become something huge. And that's why I work three hours of overtime when we're this swamped.

...I just hate that my empathy and general humanity is being taken advantage of by lazy bints who only see it as "it's just a job; do the bare minimum".