#yeah so I'm watching a King Arthur movie and now I have feelings about Sir Lancelot

[oldtvandcomics]

There should be some version of the King Arthur story where Lancelot is being actively sent by some major force - God or Devil - to be an agent of chaos and bring down Arthur’s kingdom. He doesn’t know this, of course, and he tries so, so hard to be a good ally to Arthur and the other knights, but the love triangle still happens, and well. Depending on what you want to be the main theme of the story, they either manage to somehow avoid disaster, or the usual thing happens. I mean, the destiny thing is already a major theme in all Arthuriana, but it does usually focus on Arthur rather than Lancelot. And he really would be the ideal figure for that, wouldn’t he. I mean, that poor guy is always trying so, so, SO hard, but somehow he still manages to more or less directly cause the downfall of everyone he cares about.

[hawkbucks]

Okay, so I usually don't send this kind of asks or prompts, because I don't have any wishes - I'm happy with whatever I get. But if you're up for it, I'd really love some HEAVY Tony-centric angst. Ship or no ship, whatever you prefer more, and sad end - or if you're not comfortable with that not more than a hopeful end. I just want you to crush my heart and make me cry. A lot. If that's nothing you want to write, that's okay, I love your writing anyway! Thank you for all your hc's and fics! :)

HELLO, FIRST OF ALL, I AM SORRY FOR TAKING THIS LONG AND SECOND OF ALL, THANK YOU FOR BEING WILLING TO WAIT. 

I hope this quenches your thirst for angst! I’ll admit to not really? Writing angst that much? So I’m not sure how this holds up, but I hope it’s okay! 

Loosely inspired by canon.

As a child, Tony comes to the realization that he is not meant to be loved. 

His mother tries. Oh, God, she tries. She brushes his hair in the mornings, places bandages over his bloodied knees whenever he went to play out in the garden and inevitably fell due to an untied shoelace, but nothing--nothing--she does makes up for the way his father treats him, the way those barbed words wrapped themselves around his heart and lungs and squeeze until he could barely breathe. 

See, dear old dad makes sure that his dissatisfaction with Tony makes itself apparent at every turn. Tony isn’t smart enough, he isn’t quick enough, he isn’t careful enough, he isn’t tough enough. He cries too much, clings too tightly to his mother, spends more days reading about King Arthur and the Knights of the Round Table than brushing up on his advanced mathematics courses. 

“You're useless,” he remembers his father sneering, smelling faintly of alcohol and cigar smoke, while he desperately bites his lower lip to stifle his sobs as he picked up the remains of his toy car on the floor, “spending your time on those things instead of studying. I don’t see why Maria bothers. I certainly wouldn’t.” 

Clutching the scraps of metal to his chest, Tony runs out of the room as fast as his legs can carry him. He throws them in the trash, nearly retching up his entire lunch as he does so before going into his bedroom and curling up in his bed, buried under a ridiculous amount of blankets. He doesn’t know what to do to make his father happy short of running away and risking his life on the streets. 

He doesn’t know what to do to make his father love him. 

He keeps to himself at school. People don’t seek him out, and he doesn’t seek people out. He gets labelled as the “eccentric rich boy,” which is fine by him. 

Except there’s this other kid, James Rhodes, around 3 years older, that won’t stop trying to get him to come out of his shell. It probably helps that they’re roommates, otherwise Tony would be giving him a wide, wide berth. As in, making detours to the other side of the campus kind of wide. 

“C’mon.” Rhodes slides him a plate laden with a microwaved chocolate croissant. “Talk to me a little.” 

Tony eyes the plate. He hesitantly reaches forward, like he’s afraid that Rhodes is going to snatch it away from him at the last second, before bringing it towards himself. He nibbles at the edges of the pleasantly warm croissant. “Why do you care so much?” 

“Because you seem scared every time that I see you?” Rhodes answers. “Listen, Tony, you’re young. Younger than anyone else on this campus. I’m... worried, you know? You need someone looking out for you.” 

“I don’t need a babysitter.” 

“And I’m not trying to be one. I’m just saying that you’d be better off having someone who cares for you. I’m not going to swaddle you and put you in diapers.”

Tony wrinkles his nose. “You better not.” 

Rhodes smiles at him. Tony finds himself smiling back.

It’s nice, having someone with him at school. He and Rhodes--or Rhodey, as he now calls him--are basically attached at the hip. They do anything and everything they can together. Tony has almost forgotten how it’s like to be this happy. 

He tells Rhodey one day, tentatively excited, that he’s found this girl: Sunset Bain. She’s a brunette with hair all the way down to the middle of her back, she’s wicked smart with a rapier wit, and, most importantly, she doesn’t care that Tony’s a Stark. 

“Stop growing up so fast,” Rhodey complains. “It’s making me feel old.” 

“You’re 19.” 

“I feel old.” 

They go on dates--nice ones, but not expensive. 

He has his first kiss with her. It’s quick and chaste, but he liked it. She doesn’t push him to go further, and for that he’s glad. 

He holds her hand as they walk under the trees. 

As it turns out, Sunset did a little snooping in his stuff when he’s distracted and made off with Stark company secrets right after they celebrated their 6th month together. 

“Stupid boy,” his father snarls, slamming a hand down on his desk. Tony’s heard it all before, but that doesn’t mean it hurts any less. He doesn’t look up from the floor, hands clasped behind his back. 

Tony croaks, “I didn’t--”

“Didn’t what? Didn’t think she’d take advantage of you? Did you actually think she loved you?” 

Tony doesn’t respond. He doesn’t want to appear to be even more of an idiot, because, yes, he actually thought she loved him. She would whisper as much when they cuddled on the couch, anyway. 

“Unbelievable,” Howard mutters, taking Tony’s silence as confirmation of that fact. “Get out. I have to deal with this mess that you made.” 

Tony nods. “Yes, sir.” 

He leaves, each step heavy. Everything after that is a blur. All he knows is that he left that room and he ended up back in his dorm, face down on the floor, sobbing his eyes out with a half-empty bottle of Vodka lying next to him.  

His parents die at some point. Car accident.  

He sobs into his pillow. He wishes--

He wishes he was in the car, too. At least he’d be with his mother.

Rhodey has been his anchor through all of this. He lets Tony ruin his shirts with his tears and his snot. He brings Tony coffee and cupcakes whenever he thought he could use some cheering up. Hell, he even offers to TP Sunset’s house--a tempting offer if he didn’t know that Rhodey would end up arrested for doing so. 

Like most good things in his life, Rhodey ends up leaving to join the Air Force. Tony wishes he could be selfish enough to ask Rhodey to stay a little longer, but he doesn’t. 

He gives him a hug and a pat on the back, and Rhodey is gone.

Rhodey tries to contact him. He calls, sends letters, e-mails, but Tony doesn’t reply. 

He knows it’s self-sabotaging. He knows that it’ll end up ruining one of the rare positive relationships he’s ever had in his far too long-feeling life, but he doesn’t care.

He’s never deserved Rhodey’s love. 

Tony is unsure if he should feel the glad the morning he wakes up and doesn’t see a missed call from Rhodes sitting in his inbox. 

He drifts along in life. Stark Industries was handed over to Obadiah Stane, and Tony has no plans on taking it from him. 

He drinks, orders takeout, spends his days on his phone or laptop. He’s rich enough that he doesn’t ever have to lift a finger to work in his life. It’s a boring--if safe--life. 

Crossing the street one day, he literally runs into a guy: tall, broad shoulders, with pretty blond hair. He apologizes profusely, but the guy brushes it off, tugging him over to the other side when a car honks. “I’m Tiberius,” the guy says, holding a hand out.

Tony takes it. “I’m Tony.” 

He falls in love with Tiberius fast and hard. It’s like Sunset, but a million times more intense. There’s just... something about the man that makes adrenaline pump in Tony’s veins and gives him a high that he has to spend hours shaking off afterwards. 

Of course, he’s terrified. Rhodes isn’t going to be there if something goes wrong (and something usually does go wrong when he’s concerned). 

Then Tiberius kisses him right before he leaves Tony’s apartment, and he melts. 

“No one else could love you like I can, Tony,” Tiberius murmurs against his lips, the movie they were watching all but forgotten in the background. 

Tony hums. He wraps his arms around Tiberius’ neck and draws him closer. Tiberius loves him. Maybe all of his insecurities were wrong.

“Ty,” Tony says in his best soothing voice. “Leave him alone. He didn’t know.” Tiberius is weirdly territorial. He won’t let anyone near Tony, man or woman, young or old. 

“Like hell he didn’t.” Tiberius continues to glare at the trembling man in front of him. “I should knock his lights out.” 

“Don’t.” Tony grabs onto Tiberius’ bicep and starts to pull him away. “C’mon, let’s just leave. We’re going to miss our reservation.” 

Tiberius rips his arm from Tony’s hold. “Oh, so you’re siding with him? Maybe you should go on a date with him if you care about him that much!” He stomps away, leaving behind a scared, slightly frazzled Tony. 

“I’m sorry about him,” Tony says to the man next to him, trying his best to put on an assuring smile. “He can get riled up.” 

“It’s--it’s fine,” the man replies. “I should be the one apologizing to you. He’s... you’re going to be alright, right?” 

“Of course I am,” Tony replies, confused. “Why wouldn’t I be?” 

The man looks at him with pity.

“I’m sorry, baby,” Tiberius says, arms around Tony’s waist, kissing his neck. “I just love you so much.” 

“Yeah.” Tony’s tone is empty. Tiberius has... well, he’s changed a lot. Tony thought that he was possessive before, but now he’s like a monster. All the woman did was wink at him and Tiberius yelled at her to the point where she was on the verge of tears. 

He still loves Tiberius, though. He thinks he does. He’s not too sure. Tiberius loves him, though. He knows that. 

Tiberius pauses. “Do you not love me anymore?” 

“What?” Tony places his hands on Tiberius’ shoulders. “I do!” 

“Why didn’t you say it back?” 

Tony swallows. “I was... distracted.” 

Tiberius narrows his eyes, gaze going steely. “Are you thinking about her?” 

“Ty--”

“You are, aren’t you?” 

“You’re being ridiculous--” 

Tiberius’ hand moves up to the back of Tony’s neck, and Tony feels the ice cold grip of fear in his stomach. “Who else is going to love you if not for me, Tony? I’m the only one who can put up with you.” 

Tony feels bile rise up the back of his throat. This isn’t healthy. This is far from it. 

But if this is the kind of love that he deserves, then he’ll take it. 

[dukereviewsxtra]

Duke Reviews Xtra: A Kid In King Arthur's Court

Hello, I'm Andrew Leduc And Welcome To Duke Reviews Xtra Where We Continue Our Look At Disney...

And Last Sunday, I Reviewed The Sword And The Stone, So, Since There's No Direct To DVD Sequel Or Remake To This...Yet..., I'm Reviewing The Only Other King Arthur Film Made By Disney That Wasn't Made By Jerry Bruckheimer, A Kid In King Arthur's Court...

This Film Sees Merlin's Ghost Sending A Dude From The 90's To Camelot To Save It From King Arthur's Evil Advisor Who Wants To Marry Rose From Titanic...

And Believe Me When I Say Billy Zane Was The Better Suitor Compared To This Guy...

Will Calvin Be Able To Save Camelot And Get Arthur Back To His Heroic Self?

Let's Find Out As We Watch A Kid In King Arthur's Court..

The Film Starts With Merlin's Ghost (Played By Fagin From Oliver) Summoning A Great Knight Which Is When We Cut To The 90's Where We Meet Calvin Fuller, A Nerdy Young Boy Who Plays For A Baseball Team Called The Knights...

But As We See He's Not Quite The Best Player On The Team...

However, An Earthquake Happens Causing Calvin To Fall Down...

(Singing)

Down...

Deep Below...

To The Late...1800s....

Landing On A Black Knight, Calvin Scares Him Off And Gives Back The Money The Guy Stole To Some Of Arthur's Knights As He Runs...

Arthur (Played By DeNomolos From Bill And Ted's Bogus Journey) Wishes To Thank The Boy So He Sends The Knights To Find Him, Eventually Finding Calvin In The City They Bring Him Before Arthur And His 2 Daughters, Katie And Sarah (Played By Winslet)...

Who Invite Him To Have Dinner With Them, But Arthur's Aide (And Our Villain For This Movie) Lord Belasco Believes Calvin To Be In League With The Black Knight, So Giving Calvin A Chance To Defend His Honor By Combat...

But While Belasco Chooses A Sword, Calvin (Realizing He's Not Good With Weapons) Uses The Only Thing He Does Like, Rock And Roll And Wins...

Dubing Him Calvin Fuller Of Reseda, He Discovers The Round Table Is Non Existant As Sarah Asks Her Father To Let Sir Kane (Played By James Bond)...

Which One?

Daniel Craig

Oh...

Train Calvin In Fighting, And He Agrees, And Let's Calvin Stay In Their Castle...

But He Doesn't Exactly Get Any Rest As When He Goes Exploring The Castle, Belasco Nearly Kills Him, So He Practices His Karate Only To Catch Arthur's Daughter, Katie Watching Him...

They Get To Know Each Other Through A Bunch Of Exposition...

Before Katie Takes Calvin To Merlin's Quarters In An Effort To Get Him Home...

Hearing A Noise, Katie Leaves With Calvin And Has Him Escort Her Back To Her Room, But He Returns To Merlin's Quarters Afterwards And Merlin's Ghost, Who Believes He's Made A Mistake When He Looks At Calvin..

But Realizing That He's The Knight He Summoned, He Tells Him That Arthur Is In Trouble With His Kingdom Being Shattered By The Fist Of Lord Belasco, Who Intends To Steal Camelot From Arthur And It's Now Up To Calvin To Stop Him...

I Bet He Wishes He Was Obi Wan Kenobi...

With Calvin Believing Merlin Has The Wrong Person, Merlin Makes A Deal With Him That If He Helps Arthur He'll Send Him Home...

The Next Morning, Calvin Begins Training With Sir Kane By Starting Out With Attacking On Horseback, (Where He Throws An Axe Out Of A Window) Before Moving On To Archery Where...

Well, Let's Just Say Calvin Won't Be As Good As Oliver Queen Any Time Soon...

Meanwhile, Lord Belasco Talks With Sarah To Try To Seduce Her In An Effort To Drop The Tournament And Marry Him, But Sarah Refuses, Stating That The Tournament Will Decide For Her...

Visiting A Blacksmith, Calvin Asks If He Can Make Him A Pair Of Roller Skates For Katie, And In Doing So, She Absolutely Loves Them...

Meanwhile At The New "Round Table" Belasco Talks With Arthur To Make Him Cancel The Tournament And Let Sarah Be His Wife, As Katie And Calvin Arrive To His Displeasure...

Later At Training With Kane And Katie, They Are Interrupted By Belasco Who Is Tired Of Calvin And Decides To Fight Him Again, But When Calvin Is Basically Beat, He Kicks Belasco In The Jewels...

Giving Him A Grand Supper For Winning, Calvin Says Fine As Long As He Does The Cooking...

Yeah, Even I Admit That Pork Head Can Get Tiring After A While..

So, He Makes Them 2 Big Macs...

Meanwhile, In The Throne Room, The King Tells Katie That She Will Marry Lord Belasco, However Sarah Is Determined To Let The Tournament Decide But The Next Day It Is Revealed That Katie Is In Love With Sir Kane...

I Don't See James Bond As Your Type, Sarah, But I Can Suggest An Artist Named Dawson For You...

With Katie And Calvin Seeing The Entire Thing, She Makes Calvin Swear Not To Say A Word To Anyone On Her Honor...

With Kane Believing That Calvin Is Ready To Joust, Calvin Isn't So Sure, So He Places Super Glue? On His Saddle And When He Hits The Target, The Saddle Falls Off The Horse...

Katie Goes To Check Calvin Who Looks Injured Only For Calvin To Slip Her A Kiss, To Her Displeasure...

Realizing He Might Have Made Katie Mad...

No, Really?

Calvin Visits The Blacksmith Again, Only This Time Calvin Wants Him To Make A Bike For Katie...

While Katie Talks With Sarah Who Figures Out That She's In Love With Calvin Even Though She Doesn't Realize It...

(Start At 9:52, End At 10:33)

Really, Man, They're Sisters! Get A Grip!

Anyway, The Next Day, After Calvin Teaches Arthur How To Eat Bubble Gum, He Tells Belasco That The Tournament Is Still On And That If He Wants To Win Her He Must Do It There, But Not Wanting To, He Moves To Plan B...

But Before I Go On To That, Let's Check On Calvin And Katie...

Seeing Calvin In The Garden, He Gives Her The Bike So They Can Go On A Picnic Together...

On Their Way Back To The Castle Calvin And Katie Discover That The Black Knight Is Actually One Of The Good Guys, When He Gives The Townspeople A Cart Filled With Food...

Taking Katie Back To Her Room, We Meet Belasco's Plan B: Kidnap Katie As A Barter For Sarah To Marry Him...

After Telling Sarah About Katie, Belasco Visits Calvin And Frames Him For Kidnapping Katie (Oh, Sorry Murder), But When Calvin Gets Away, He Runs Into Sarah Who Tells Him What Happened To Katie And What Belasco Wants...

Eventually Going To Arthur's Chambers, Calvin Tells Him Everything But He Still Believes That Belasco Wouldn't Hurt A Fly However, When Calvin Shows Arthur Something That Sarah Gave Him, He Buys The Story And Protects Calvin From Belasco...

Escaping With Calvin Into The City, They Go Undercover, As Arthur Discovers That He's Not As Loved Throughout The Kingdom As He Thought As Belasco Has Been Stealing From Them For Years...

Vowing To Be A Better King, Arthur And Calvin Go To Save Katie From Belasco's Dungeon, But Before Going In Calvin Renews Arthur's Will To Fight By Giving Him Excalibur (Which Was Given To Him By Merlin)

However, When They Release Katie, She Gets Kidnapped Again By Belasco's Second In Command And Is Held Hostage Over A Moat, This Leads Calvin To Use The Laser On His CD Player To Blind The Guard And Cause Him To Fall To His Death...

Now, I Hate To Say This But I Got To Agree With The Nostalgia Critic When He Said That A Laser On A CD Player Doesn't Work Like That...

Escaping The Castle, Arthur Knights Calvin As A Knight Of The Round Table, Before Returning To The Castle And..,Letting Belasco Go?

Yeah, Even I Kind Of Think Letting Him Is Kind Of Stupid...

However, Arthur Has A Point, With The Guards Loyal To Belasco And The People Believing Arthur To Be An Idiot, The Best Thing To Do Is To Bide Their Time So When The Time Is Right They Can Nail Him...

Later At The Tournament, Arthur Makes A Speech That He Never Betray His People Again And Declares That The Tournament Shall Be Open To All Free Men (Mainly So Kane Can Enter The Competition)...

Defeating Every Opponent That Comes His Way, Kane Ends Up Facing Off Against Belasco In The Final Battle, But Using The Crystal On His Armor, Belasco Blinds Kane And Knocks Him Out...

But Seeing How Kane Did Not Fall Off His Horse, He Is Still In The Competition, However, When Kane Returns The Joust Continues....

But Everyone Soon Gets A Scare, When Belasco Hits Kane In The Head And Discovers He Has No Head...

Well, How's He Going To Have His Vodka Martini Now?

With A Now Headless Kane Continuing, He Ends Up Winning And Knocking Belasco Off Of His Horse...

Which Leads To It Being Revealed That It Wasn't Kane, But Calvin All Along. Pissed Off At His Defeat, Belasco Attempts To Kill Calvin, But Luckily, Calvin Is Saved By The Black Knight Who Is Revealed To Have Been Sarah This Whole Time..

So, With Calvin Forfeiting His Victory To Sarah, Arthur Grants Her The Right To Choose Whoever She Wants To Marry And Banishes Belasco From His Kingdom Forever As Merlin Keeps His Word And Sends Calvin Back To His Time, Saying Farewell To Arthur And Katie..

Arriving Before The Earthquake, Calvin Goes Up To The Plate And Hits A Home Run. Arriving Back On Home Plate, He Is Greeted By His Teammates, Including A Girl Who Looks Like Katie, As A Spectator Who Looks Like Arthur Watches In The Crowd As Our Movie Ends..,

And That's A Kid In King Arthur's Court, And While It Does Have It's Stupid Moments, It Is A Decent Movie...

The Story Is Good, The Comedy Can Be Funny At Times, And I Liked The Fighting Scenes In It, So, Yeah, I'm Going To Say See It...

Tune In To Duke Reviews Next Week As We Look At The Jungle Book, But Then, This Is Duke, Signing Off...