#yep its a day late but whatevs I ran out of brain yesterday

[abyssalmermaiden]

"I myself must return, for there is ever much and more to be done. Cesario will attend you."

Febhyurary 5 - Companion

Amon never suspected someone who took to her new station as readily as Viola did would treat a servant- and a clone at that- as her equal. The hours Ces was supposed to wait on Viola quickly turned into shared tea time, board games, and playing music simply for fun.

Ces, my friend Ces: @mythandral

[movedto-erodasghosts]

distant | tom holland

Description: Tom being gone for work so much takes its toll on your relationship (italics are flashbacks)

Warnings: angst, implied smut (super brief though)

Word count: ~1.8k

A/N: my main is @laurieteddy this is my first Tom Holland fic, i hope you enjoy! I’m planning to hopefully write more in the future. Thanks @peeterparkr for the muffin inspo :)))

masterlist

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It was nearly three in the morning and you were in the kitchen making muffins. It seemed to be the only logical thing to do really. You couldn’t seem to fall asleep, neither could Tom. And sure, that didn’t used to be an issue. The two of you could always find ways to tire yourselves out for some sleep, or at least you could keep each other company until you fell asleep. Lately though it was hard.

To say the least, you had greatly grown apart. Tom traveled a lot for work, and your job didn’t always allow you to go and visit him. Sometimes you would go months without seeing him face to face. Of course you would text, call, FaceTime, anything you could do but it wasn’t the same. In the beginning it was an obstacle you thought you would both surely make it through.

“It’s going to suck, not being able to see you,” he huffed.

“I know, but this is huge for you.” You wrapped your arms around his torso, “It’s not like we’ll never see each other again. We can stay in touch, I’ll visit if possible. And, I’ll be here when you get back.”

He rubbed your back slowly, resting his cheek on top of your head. “Tessa’s going to miss you loads.”

“Just Tessa?” You laughed.

“Well, of course not. Haz will too,” he joked. “Me, though, I’m going to miss you loads upon loads. I mean tons! You wouldn’t believe how much I’m gonna miss you.”

You cupped his cheeks before planting a soft kiss on his lips and teasing, “I suppose I’ll miss you a little.”

“Ouch,” he faked hurt, putting a hand over his heart, “only a little?”

“Okay, okay…” you ran your hand through his hair. “Maybe a lot.”

It was strange. It was almost like now you missed him more when he was home. Like the longing for him was constantly there, whether he was home or away. But having him home somehow felt more lonely. You hardly seemed to talk anymore, at least when he was gone there was an excuse not to.

At home it felt like you were required to talk, to make every second last before he had to go again. There came a point where you both started feeling like there was no point because he would be gone again. You distanced yourselves anytime you had the chance to be close, though it was completely unintentional. It seemed to be like you both just began to adapt to living without one another, used to the idea of an empty bed.

“I’ll never get enough of this,” he jumped into bed, landing right beside you.

You turned onto your side to face him, “What? Lounging in bed all day?”

“Precisely,” he kissed your cheek, “I just think it’s nice to relax like this sometimes. Having company just makes it better, and you being that company, well…” he grinned. “Makes it the best in the world.”

You moved closer to him, “Hmm, you’re pretty good company too, y’know.”

“Pretty good?” He dramatically scoffed, “That’s all I get? Is pretty good?”

“Yep,” you shrugged playfully.

He sat up, resting his hand on your hip to turn you on your back. “Pretty good isn’t going to do, I guess I’ll have to change your mind.”

Tom missed you, constantly. He didn’t want to have to feel like he was sleeping on his own, even while you were laying right beside him. He blamed himself. It all started when he had to go for work, but it was his dream. You were happy for him, and he knew that, but part of him couldn’t help but feel guilty.

Really, it was no one’s fault. Both of you knew that deep down, but getting you to admit it would be impossible. Things were easier to cope with when there was someone to blame, someone to point a finger to. But no one deserved the blame, at least not in this case.

“Hey,” Tom walked into the kitchen, rubbing his tired eyes.

Your gaze remained on the muffin batter, “Hey.”

He looked to your hands, watching you as you stirred. You had more than well enough stirred the batter, not that you had noticed, so he figured you were lost in thought again. He knew that when you baked things like that, especially so late at night, it was because your mind was restless and there were countless things running through your brain.

“Making muffins?” He took a seat at the counter.

“Hmm, oh,” you stopped stirring. “Yeah, I am. Couldn’t sleep.”

He smiled weakly, “Me neither.”

Every conversation was like that. Few words were shared, little effort was put into it. They were less of conversations and more of silence fillers, just an excuse to fill the void. Neither of you really paid much attention to whatever was being said, either too lost in analyzing the other person or too lost in your own thoughts. It used to be that you could make a conversation out of anything, and it wasn’t because you felt obligated too but because it just seemed to happen naturally.

“Making cookies? At two in the morning, are you okay, darling?” Tom came into the kitchen, kissing your cheek and resting his hand on the small of your back.

Your hair was a mess and you looked exhausted, it was clear you had never fallen asleep. “Did I wake you?”

“No, no. I just needed a drink and realized you weren’t there. I figured you’d be in here baking.” He leaned against the counter beside you, “You never went to sleep?”

“Umm,” you brushed a strand of hair behind your ear, “no? I’m just… I’m nervous for tomorrow. The interview is a big deal for me.”

“You’re going to do great, you know that right?” He pushed himself off the counter, “I mean, you’re more than qualified for the job, any company would do well to hire you, you’re such a hard worker, a--”

“I get it,” you smiled. “I mean, you remind me of all of that all the time.”

“And I’ll happily keep going.” He held your hand between his own hands, “I mean it, every single word of it. I could go on and on, never ending.”

You looked up at him and laughed, “I don’t think other people would much appreciate that.”

“Who cares? People should know how wonderful you are,” he kissed your cheek, “and that includes yourself.”

You got the muffin tin out, setting it down and filling it with liners. All he could do was watch, unsure of what to say. You hardly even noticed he was still there as you were quickly absorbed in your own thoughts again.

Could things ever go back to the way they were? Would you be able to spend time with him without it feeling like a task? Would you ever at least be able to talk to him just because, not because you had what felt like scheduled time with him? You didn’t know how much longer you could live this way. You were watching your relationship falling apart slowly in front of you and you felt completely helpless.

“Lemme help?” Tom was beside you now, beginning to put muffin batter into the tin as you finished with the liners.

“Thanks,” you mumbled.

He smiled softly, nodding as he continued his work. At least this seemed simple and organic enough. Sure, it was small and seemingly unimportant but it felt nice for a moment, to be so close and actually feel somewhat normal. You couldn’t help but question it though. Maybe it was just another lame attempt to make things normal without really trying.

You knew, or at least figured, that he wanted things to be normal again too. You just felt like every time either of you tried you weren’t actually trying. It felt forced. It was obvious that neither of you knew what to do about your situation but instead of trying to figure it out together you were just awkwardly trying to force past it individually. It wasn’t right, and it definitely didn’t feel as if it were.

And Tom knew the truth. He knew that your relationship had been stuck in a rut for a while now, and that neither of you really knew how to get out. He felt helpless too. No matter what either of you tried to do it didn’t help. In the start you kept it between the two of you, but as it got worse more people began to notice. No one judged, it wasn’t their place, but they did try to talk to you guys separately about it. It was like when everyone started to figure out that you were even dating in the first place.

“So, umm,” you shut the door behind you as you entered Tom’s apartment, “I’m pretty sure Harry knows we’re together.”

Tom put his arm on the back of his couch, looking back at you. “Why do you say that?”

You took your jacket off, “Well, he just straight up asked me if we were over the phone.”

“Oh?” He laughed, “Guess that’s a pretty good sign.”

You sat beside him, tucking your feet under yourself. He readjusted himself, sitting on one of his feet and the other resting on the floor.

“Wonder what made it obvious,” he grinned.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes, “Maybe it was the way you were so touchy at dinner with him yesterday.”

“From what I recall, you were the one running your hand up my thigh, no?” He noticed your cheeks turning pink.

You cleared your throat, “Yeah, but I’m pretty sure he saw you kiss my cheek before we all left.”

He laughed, “No night would be complete without it, so it was totally worth getting caught.”

How was it so easy to lose all of that? It’s like it was just slowly slipping past your fingertips like sand, completely unable to grip onto any of it to save. But you could remember it all so clearly, as if the memories were from only yesterday yet years ago at the same time. If anything, remembering it all just made the pain worse. Remembering was like rubbing what you had in your own face. It was strange but you were almost jealous of yourself, because at least the old you was happy then.

You wanted it to work, for everything to be okay. You knew it wasn’t going to happen, at least not any time soon. Tears welled in your eyes daily, aching for any sense of familiarity in your relationship.

“Tom, I don’t think I can do this anymore.” You were sitting at the counter, staring at your cup of water.

He knew exactly what you were talking about but part of him wanted to have hope. “I know.”

You turned the cup around in your hands, “It’s just…”

“Empty,” he finished.

For the first time that night you looked at him, “Yeah.”

[crownedbyluke]

Long Road Ahead (Chapter Three)

Estelle Finley has been friends with Ashton Irwin and Luke Hemmings for three years. When the boys bring her along on a jam-packed road trip to Cape Cod with the rest of the band, their adventures are just beginning. Through long hours driving, exploring cities, and hidden secrets, something more is bound to happen on this journey. How will this road trip change Estelle’s friendship with the friends she’s come to love so dearly?

Word Count: 3,900

{Chapter One} {Chapter Two}

A quiet thud woke me up. Just as I was opening my eyes and sitting up, I saw Ashton sneaking out of my room. A small groan left my mouth, worried about what I would find on my bedside table. There was a small tray with yogurt and fruit and a note on it.

Morning Essie. You, me, Luke at the city garden today. Bring your camera. Wear some sneakers. Oh and do that thing with your hair again, you looked gorgeous yesterday. Love you. Hurry up and get ready. -Ash

I laughed at the message before getting out of bed. I ate the food Ashton had left me quick and then jumped in the shower. It took me a little while to get ready, but once I pulled on the gray tied top, khaki green shorts, and blow dried my hair, I knew it was going to be a good day. After braiding my hair into a ponytail and putting on foundation, I grabbed my backpack and camera.

“Good morning little dove,” Luke said as I rounded the corner to the living room.

“Good morning giraffe,” I said, taking in the blue skinny jeans and white tank top he had on.

His curls were down with a pair of sunglasses on the top of his head. To say he looked  good would be an understatement.

“You look beautiful as always,” he said, giving me a smile.

“Why thank you. How was last night?” I asked, walking with him into the living room.

“Good. Cal got a little too drunk and I guess Mikey and Crystal didn’t come back till late so they’re all going to forest park later,” he said, explaining why I didn’t seem to find anyone else about.

“And you?” I asked, still curious about his night.

“I only had one drink, danced a little bit, then I brought a drunk Cal and a fairly tipsy Ash back here,” he said, with a shrug.

I knew I had no right to be asking because Luke wasn’t mine, he was free to do whatever he wanted, but it was like my mouth was moving on its own.

“No wild sex with a random girl?” I asked, slapping my hand over my mouth after the words left my mouth.

Luke stared at me with wide eyes. Neither of us had expected me to ask such a question. I stared at him with my own wide eyes.

“Luke, I am so sorry. You didn’t deserve that,” I said, reaching out to touch his arm.

“Estelle, why are you asking in the first place?” he asked, eyes still wide.

My heart pounded in my ears as I looked at him, my hand seeming to burn as I kept touching Luke. My mouth was dry and all the words I wanted to say were gone. I was about to say something when Ashton bounded into the living room.

“Mornin’ Essie! You two ready?” he asked, giving me a hug.

“Yep,” Luke said, his eyes still on me and his tone clipped.

As we walked out, I could feel Luke’s eyes on me. Usually, I didn’t mind Luke’s stare, but the situation made it uncomfortable. Guilt came over me as we drove to the park. I had been trying to keep that thought in my head, but it came out anyways. I knew that Luke hadn’t done anything last night, but even if he had, it wasn’t my business. I knew Ashton could feel the tension between me and Luke and I felt bad about ruining the mood for the day.

“Okay. What the hell is up with you two?” Ashton asked, parking the car.

I met Luke’s eyes in the mirror, the hurt and confusion causing a storm in his ocean eyes.

“I said something I shouldn’t have,” I said, looking away from him, unable to see him like this.

“Okay and?” Ashton continued.

“It was stupid and I apologized, and Luke has every right to be upset with me,” I said, looking out the window.

Luke’s silence cut through me like a knife. I hated that I hurt him with something that I didn’t mean to say.

“It’s fine Estelle,” Luke said, still not looking at me.

“Lu, I didn’t mean it. I swear. It slipped out and you-”

“Estelle, I said it was fine,” he repeated, cutting me off..

Ashton was glancing between us, lip between his teeth, a telltale sign that he was nervous.

“Okay,” I said quietly, looking back out the window.

“Let’s go,” Ashton said, breaking the small moment of silence.

I hopped out of the car, a gasp leaving my mouth at the sight in front of me. There were flowers, ponds, and bridges everywhere along with lattices and gazebos. Between the yellow marigolds, the purple cornflowers, and white peonies, my eyes couldn’t seem to focus on one thing at a time. I saw the bunny sculptures over the entrance gate and they took my breath away. There were trees touching the sky and the water seemed to be clear to the bottom.

“Yeah Essie?” Ashton teased, laughing at me.

“How are you not in awe of how beautiful this place is?” I asked, looking over at him.

“We looked at pictures,” Luke said next to me with a shrug.

“You know what this means now, Luke?” Ashton asked, looking over my head at Luke.

“Tell me Ash,” he responded, a hint of confusion in his tone.

“We just became models for this one,” Ashton said making me laugh when he pointed at me like I couldn’t see.

“Get moving. There are pictures to be taken!” I said, both of them laughing before walking into the garden.

                                                    ➢➢➢

“No, on the rock Luke,” I said, pointing at the rock behind him.

He moved, taking his sunglasses off and pushing his hair back. I snapped a few pictures before really looking at him. My breath hitched a little when he looked up at the sky. The sun was hitting his skin perfectly, making him look tanner than he was and his curls even more golden. He was extremely handsome. I brought my camera back up and took a few more pictures of him, wanting to remember this moment.

“Your fondness is showing,” Ashton whispered after I gave Luke the okay to move.

I felt myself blush as Luke walked back over to us.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I said giving him a smile.

Ashton had figured out how I felt about Luke right away. He had urged me to tell Luke, but after arguing about it for an hour, he gave up. He still made comments about it to me, but he wouldn’t push me to tell Luke.

“Can I take the camera for a minute, Es?” Luke asked once he joined us.

I was a little confused by his request, but still handed the camera over.

“See the arch with the cobblestone over there?” he asked, nodding for me to look in the same direction.

I nodded, smiling at the view. It was something I always loved looking at because of how simple it was. It made me think about cheesy romantic comedies and kissing under the mistletoe at Christmas time.

“Go sit underneath it,” he instructed smiling at me.

I rolled my eyes, but listened anyways. After I tucked my legs underneath me, I looked up at Luke. He was crouched a couple feet away and the moment our eyes met, I heard the click of the camera. I posed a little until the sun started shining down on him again. The Greek God look worked so well for him. I felt my pulse quicken as I kept looking at him, my bottom lip slipping between my teeth. My brain started drifting off without my permission. I still heard the clicking of the camera though. A blush started coming over my cheeks as my brain continued going down a rabbit hole of dirty thoughts involving Luke.

“Es? You okay?” he asked, standing up.

I snapped out of my thoughts, realizing that I had been staring at him for at least a minute.

“Yeah. Just a little hot under the sun,” I lied, dusting off the back of my shorts.

Luke continued staring at me as he walked to join me under the arch. He handed me the camera, our fingers brushing slightly. It felt like I couldn’t breathe while he was in front of me. It was like I was out of control of my body. It crossed my mind that we looked like a couple in this moment and that thought alone was hard to ignore.

“Guys, there’s a fountain up here!” Ashton called, saving me from pulling Luke down to meet me.

Neither of us moved though, an electricity running in the air between us.

“Lu, we should go join him,” I whispered, unsure of my own voice.

Our eyes met, the spark happening yet again. Most of me wanted him to just bend down and kiss me. The smaller part of me knew I should walk away. Part of my bangs fell into my face and before I could push it back, Luke reached out, tucking the hair behind my ear. His hand stayed against my cheek, the tension between us building with the skin on skin contact.

“Little dove,” he said quietly, his voice lower than I’ve ever heard.

All I was thinking about how close we were. My eyes drifted down to his lips for a second, just catching him lick them. I heard myself gasp a little at the action. I was on the brink of leaning up to meet him.

“Hey! You two! Fountain,” Ashton said, running back over to us.

Luke dropped his hand instantly like my skin had burnt him. The tension was mostly gone, but when our eyes met for a second, I felt the leftover tension instantly. We followed Ashton towards the fountain, none of us saying anything. The fountain was beautiful, the intricate architecture making it look more like a sculpture than a fountain.

“Ash, go walk on the ledge for me,” I said, shaking my head to get the remaining thoughts about Luke out.

Ashton pretended like he was walking on a tightrope. I snapped a bunch of pictures of him before Luke ran up to him. They shared a look before Ashton jumped onto Luke’s back. I laughed, the last bits of tension leaving my body. I took a few more pictures before putting my camera down. An arrangement of bright orange flowers caught my eye, taking me away from the boys. I took a couple close up shots of them, watching as a bee landed on one. A smile came across my face as I took another picture.

“Essie,” Ashton said in my ear, making me jump.

“Yes Ash?” I asked, turning around to face him.

“What was going on with you and Luke?” he asked, leading me down the small path with the orange flowers and sunflowers along the side of it.

“No idea,” I said, looking over at him.

“It looked like you two were about to jump each other’s bones,” he teased.

I lightly pushed him, laughing a bit.

“Luke isn’t into me that way,” I said, brushing it away with a wave of a hand.

“You should talk to him,” Ashton said, his tone a little condescending.

“There’s nothing to talk about Ash. What are we having for lunch?” I asked, trying to change the subject.

“Not sure. We could go to the farmer’s market and cook,” he suggested.

“I’m in. Where’s Lu?” I asked, realizing that I hadn’t seen the curly-headed boy in a while.

“He got a cab back because he wanted to do a little shopping, but didn’t bring his wallet with him,” Ashton said, rolling his eyes.

“What a dork. Well, shall we?” I asked, looking up at him.

“We shall my lady,” he joked, offering me his arm.

I laughed, but accepted it, making it so we were walking arm-in-arm out of the garden.

                                                       ➢➢➢

“What’s cookin’ good lookin’?” Calum asked when he came into the kitchen.

“I’m making chicken alfredo with honey glazed carrots,” I said, stirring the alfredo sauce.

“Yum. So how was the city garden?” he asked, sitting at one of the barstools by the counter.

“Good. I almost filled my SD card. How was forest park?,” I laughed, pulling out the biscuits Ashton made.

“Really cool. Good job on nearly filling the SD card though. I hope all the pictures turned out well. So, everything good with Luke?” he asked, trailing off a little.

My brain instantly went to him hinting at what happened in the arch at the garden. My palms started sweating and my heartbeat started to speed up.

“Yeah. Why wouldn’t we be?” I asked, trying to pretend like I wasn’t freaking out.

“He mentioned that you two had a bit of an argument last night,” he stated casually.

“Oh yeah. We’re okay,” I said, relief washing over me.

“That’s good. Listen Es, about yesterday. I overstepped completely and I’m sorry that I thought it would be okay to do that and especially in public,” Calum said, taking me by surprise.

I turned around to look at him, finding an apologetic expression on his face.

“It’s okay Cal. I just, I want you to know that what happened between us, it was just a bit of fun at the time. It won’t happen again though,” I said, putting my hands on the counter in an attempt to ground myself for this conversation.

“I know. I won’t ever come onto you like that again,” he said, extending his hand to me.

We shook on it, which alone made me laugh. I turned back to the food, stirring the sauce and noodles.

“Okay so I’m gonna go check on some stuff for the drive tomorrow. Happy cooking Es!” he said before leaving the kitchen.

Without anyone there, my mind wandered to the daydreaming I usually did on my own. A song drifted through the thoughts, causing me to start humming the tune of “Bless the Broken Road” by Rascal Flatts. It was one of the many songs that made me think about Luke, the lyrics always seeming to fit how I felt about him in any situation.

“Hey there little dove,” Luke said from behind me, snapping me out of my daydreams.

“Hi Lu,” I said, turning off the burner for the noodles.

“Want any help?” he asked while I strained the noodles.

“Yeah. Can you grab a pan and put the cut up chicken in?” I asked giving him a smile.

He listened and moved out of the way once he was done. I poured the sauce in with the noodles and turned to look at him. He had a new necklace on, the silver moon charm catching the light.

“Did you pick that up on your shopping trip?” I asked, looking back up at his eyes.

His fingers went up to touch it, turning it around in them. I turned back to check on the chicken for a moment.

“Yeah. I knew it would be in a town store so I went to pick it up,” he said softly.

“It looks good on you Lu,” I said, finishing up the chicken.

I added it to the noodles and covered the carrots to finish cooking.

“Do you wanna go to the arch with me after we eat?” he asked after I turned around.

“I would like that yeah,” I said giving him a smile.

“Yeah? Just us?” he asked, grabbing plates and silverware for me.

“Yeah. Just us,” I confirmed, looking up at him.

That electricity from earlier came back as we stood there. Luke was leaning against the counter while I was near the stove. The closeness of our bodies made it feel like there wasn’t any space left between us, but I found myself not caring, almost wanting to be closer.

“Your carrots are done,” he said, bringing me back to reality.

“Thanks,” I said quickly, turning around and taking them off the heat.

I felt the loss of Luke’s body heat as I finished up the food, the tension and electricity gone with it. My head swam with confusion, never thinking that my feelings for Luke would get the better of me. Today was proof that I was wrong.

                                                     ➢➢➢

The golden sun was making the sky turn different shades of red, pink, and purple. The arch broke the clear horizon line, glinting in the last light of the day. It was truly beautiful and I was incredibly happy that Luke decided to ask. I looked over at him, his eyes looking more blue somehow and the curls on his head catching the light to make it golden. I was again struck by how handsome -- no, beautiful he was.

“You look beautiful in the sunset light,” Luke said, taking my thoughts out of my head.

“Thank you. You look handsome in the light,” I said giving him a smile.

He returned it before looking back over at the arch. His necklace caught the light, reminding of its presence.

“What’s the necklace mean?” I asked, watching him without trying.

“It’s the last phase of the moon before it’s full. It’s a reminder that even if everything feels like it’s going well or everything is perfect, there’s still more that can be done to better myself or the situation I’m in,” he said taking the charm between his fingers again.

“That’s beautiful Lu,” I said, a smile coming over my face.

The man in front of me was really something else and I was so lucky to have him in my life. Let alone to be in love with him even if he wasn’t in love with me.

“Walk with me?” he asked, extending his hand for me to take.

My eyes drifted to his hand, debating whether or not it would be right to take his hand. Before I really thought it through, I was intertwining our fingers to follow his lead. Luke smiled down at me before leading me down the sidewalk by the river. He swayed our hands back and forth, making me laugh a little.

“Are you enjoying our vacation?” he asked, breaking the silence between us.

“Yeah. I really appreciate you and Ashton bringing me along,” I said, taking in the view of St. Louis around me.

“Of course Estelle. Why wouldn’t we bring you with?” he asked, laughing a little.

“I don’t know. Normally, you guys don’t all go on break together,” I said with a shrug.

Luke stopped walking, tugging me back by the hand he was holding.. There was a serious look on his face that worried me.

“Luke?” I asked, getting a little closer to him.

“You’ve always been closer to Ash, and I don’t mind that, Estelle. I really don't. When you were mad at me yesterday, it felt like you didn’t want to talk to me about it. I hate that you don’t feel comfortable or safe with me to talk about your feelings. I know we’ve fought about the drinking and the partying, but it always feels like you’re holding back, like that isn’t what you’re mad about,” he rushed out, like if he didn’t say it now, he would explode.

I looked at him with shock. For me, it felt like he was coming out of nowhere, but for him, it sounded like it’s been on his mind of a while.

“How long have you been thinking about this?” I asked, squeezing his hand to comfort him a little.

“Since last night when you got upset. Then today was so confusing that I just don’t know what’s going on,” he said, his free hand running through his hair.

“Last night was weird. I don’t know entirely what set me off that way. What you do in your free time isn’t any of my business and I don’t want it to feel like you have to clear your social life with me. I had no right to be upset or make that comment this morning,” I said, sighing a little.

“And today under that arch,” he said, trailing off slightly.

“I thought you were going to kiss me,” I blurted before looking up at him.

“I wanted to,” he mumbled and if we weren’t as close to each other, I probably wouldn’t have heard what he said.

I stared at him for a moment, taking in the words he said. It meant that Crystal was right. It also meant that my friendship with Luke would change depending on how this conversation went. I felt him watching me as I processed what was happening between us right now.

“Luke, I-”

“I know that you don’t reciprocate the feelings. I heard you tell Crystal that it wasn’t mutual,” he said, cutting me off.

My eyes went wide. Not only had Calum heard, but Luke had as well. Would he even believe me if I told him the truth? I felt him drop my hand, letting it hang between us. The hurt was written all over his face. I was struggling to find the words to explain how I was feeling and what was going through my head.

“You don’t have to try to make me feel better,” he said, turning away from me.

I grabbed his arm, turning him back to face me. I saw the confusion on his face again.

“What you were saying about the necklace makes sense to me. I understand why that’s important to you. But it makes sense to me in a different way. I’ve been in a weird struggle for three years in my own head. I never told you because it involved you,” I said, needing to tell him everything in that exact moment.

He cocked his head to the side, urging me to continue.

“Ashton knew right away, but I still hadn’t figured it out. I didn’t really understand what was going on in my head until I got a little drunk and almost slept with Calum,” I continued.

Luke pulled away from me immediately, staring at me like he had no idea who I was.

“You did what?” he asked, hurt dripping through his voice.

“Please let me finish,” I begged, reaching out for him again.

“Fine,” he said, moving out of reach again.

“You just started dating your most recent ex and I was so jealous and hurt for a reason I couldn’t explain to myself. I went out with Calum to blow off steam and we ended up having sex. Well, kinda. I stopped him before we really started because I realized that I had feelings for you,” I said, relief washing over me as the words finally left my mouth.

“How far did you go with him?” Luke asked, eyes narrowing at me a little.

“Luke-”

“How far Estelle?” he pushed.

“He didn’t get a thrust in,” I said quietly, looking away from him.

“So it took my best friend sticking his dick in you to realize that you used to have feelings for me?” he asked, struggling to keep his voice down.

“No. He didn’t get that far either,” I corrected, moving away from him a bit.

“But you used to have feelings for me, correct?” he asked, fists clenched by his sides.

“No. I still do.”

AND SHE DOES A CLIFFHANGER! Oops. 😘

taglist: @thruheavenandhighwater @notoriouslyhood @24kcalum @bbycal @cashton-queen @tommossoccer @slimthicccal @thebookamongmen @a-little-international @kiss-the-kat @no-guilt-in-living @jetblackyoungblood

[ra3lynn3]

Hey everyone! I know it’s been a long while since I last posted an update. Big thanks to @savvylark for making my first (beautiful) banner 😍. Much love to my beta @pip117, too, for your quick work. I hope you all enjoy! Chapter 15 Katniss was more than a little surprised when she walked into work the next morning to find a small white envelope laying on her computer keyboard. She glanced around the near-empty office scanning for the possible sender. She picked up the small orange flower that accompanied it, twisted it between her fingers and brought it briefly to her nose. She reached for the envelope noticing her name scrawled across the front in Peeta’s familiar, smooth, writing. Turning it over in her hands, she lifted the flap to discover a simple note inside. It read: Katniss, I’m sorry for being weird yesterday. I was being stupid. Forgive me? -Peeta P.S. dinner tonight at 7? Katniss felt a smile tug at her lips as she glanced around again for any sign of Peeta. She considered the note a moment longer before setting it back on her desk and heading to the break room for some water for her blossom. She wasn’t sure what was up with Peeta, or what prompted the note. But when she considered his behavior from the day before, he had been noticeably different. If she didn’t know better, she would’ve thought him jealous over the sudden appearance of Dalton. But that was ridiculous to even consider since the two of them were just friends, right? Although, she definitely felt a peculiar pulling at her heart when he blew off her lunch invitation. She grew more than a little concerned when he mentioned in passing that he had a headache (that would explain why he was acting so distant and short with her). She also thought a little too long about his leaving early for the day, saying something about meeting with Finnick, Annie, and the kids for dinner. In the past she couldn't have cared less about Peeta or his feelings, but the more she got to know him and spend time with him, the more that began to change. She was lost deeply in her thoughts when Peeta’s voice filled the quiet space, causing her to startle. “I see you got my note.” He said, nodding toward the flower she held in her hand. “I’m beginning to think you like scaring me!” She chastised, heart beating wildly, as she filled a small glass with water. "Yes, I got your note.” Katniss continued, a smile playing on her lips as she set the bud inside. “You’re allowed to have bad days. You feeling better?” She glanced at him from the corner of her eye before turning to lean back on the counter. “Yeah, nothing a swift kick in the pants from Annie couldn’t fix.” He replied with a smirk as he rubbed the back of his neck. “What’s that supposed to mean?” Katniss asked glancing at him suspiciously before she walked back toward her desk with Peeta following closely behind. “I’ll tell you later.” He replied, waving it off. “We still on for dinner tonight?” “Definitely.” She replied as she sat down at her desk and settled the flower beside her computer. “Great!” Peeta said with a clap of his hands. Katniss shot him a smile, glad for the change in his mood. Once Peeta had walked away, she grabbed her phone and eagerly texted a picture of the flower to Johanna. Her friend’s reply was swift: “Will you just sleep with the poor guy already?!” Katniss scoffed and rolled her eyes before replying, “It’s not like that! He was only apologizing for blowing me off yesterday.” “Jealous.” Was all Johanna replied. “I doubt it! It was nothing, just a bad day.” “And that’s why you’re still single!” “?” “Oh darling, go buy a brain! He. Likes. You. You like him. Simple. Stop over complicating things! And stop being so oblivious...it’s not cute anymore.” Katniss rolled her eyes and set the phone down intent on ignoring her friend’s jabs. Not one to leave well enough alone, Johanna’s next texts pinged in quickly, one after the other. Katniss picked up her phone and read: “He was jealous, acted like an ass and had enough maturity to admit it AND apologize?” “Good luck finding many men like that!” “And again... Stop. Over. Complicating. Everything. It’s time to put on your big girl panties and have a real relationship already!” “I love you, you enormously stubborn pain in the ass! Let me know how dinner goes tonight. Xox” Katniss chuckled while setting her phone down again, knowing that Johanna’s rant was over. She had made several valid points but there was work to be done now. Even though thoughts of having Peeta Mellark all to herself this evening made that near impossible. Katniss ran her fingers through her hair and tugged at the bottom of her blouse, wondering if she had overdressed. She also questioned if the lace undergarments she’d opted for instead of her usual cotton was taking things a bit too far, or expecting too much too soon. ”Too late to turn back now!” thought Katniss, she had already knocked on his door signaling her arrival. “Hey.” Peeta offered simply as he opened the door, eyes surveying her. Katniss began feeling unnerved as his stare grew longer, an unreadable look upon his face. “Can I come in?” She asked, peering over his shoulder curiously. “Of course! Please!” Peeta said, seeming to break from his trance as he moved aside to let her in. “Nice place.” She remarked as she took in the sight of his apartment. The inside of the home was simple. The layout was open, with one space leading seamlessly into another. The furniture and decor exuded warmth, comfort and manliness, but not so much that Katniss felt like she was in a dorm. She found her mind wandering dangerously as she assessed the home, curious to know what every room in his apartment looked like. “You look really beautiful, Katniss.” Peeta offered looking bashful. “Thank you.” She replied after a moment, coming out of her head. She tucked her hair behind her ear, feeling a heat rise to her cheeks as they stared at each other for a long moment before a chiming from the kitchen pulled Peeta’s attention. “Dinner will be ready in ten minutes. Make yourself comfortable." He announced, motioning toward the sofa in the other room as he stepped away to the stove. Katniss wandered toward the living room gazing at the paintings on the wall, framed photographs adorned the tables that flanked the couch. She took a seat gingerly on the sofa, running her hand over its smooth brown leather and glanced briefly at the rough sketches drawn out on the pad of paper sitting on the coffee table in front of her. “What did you want to drink?” Peeta asked drawing near. “Whatever you’re having.” She replied giving him a smile. “Beer it is!” He said with a snap of his fingers as he disappeared back to the kitchen, returning moments later with two bottles in hand. “Are all of those yours?” Katniss asked, nodding toward the paintings on the wall beside them. “Yep, all mine.” He replied sitting down next to her and taking a swig of his drink. “Don’t worry though, you’re welcome to touch them.” He said with a wink. Katniss nudged him playfully in the side, taking a drink herself. They sat quietly for a moment while she eyed the art a moment longer. “I think I’m falling for you.” Peeta blurted out, catching her off guard. She swallowed quickly causing herself to choke and sputter, trying to think of a way to respond. “What?” She croaked trying to regain her composure. “I’m falling for you, Katniss.” Peeta admitted again gently. Her mind was racing; stomach in knots. They had come so far in such a short time. Was it possible he really was falling for her? “Are you sure?” She replied, instantly feeling stupid for asking such a question. “I mean...how do you know? What makes you think that?” She was floundering. Fast. Peeta smirked, “I just do,” he shrugged. Another chime from the kitchen caught his attention. Katniss stood eagerly to follow him. She watched at his side as he pulled a dish from the oven, set it down and turned a series of knobs before removing his oven mitts. “Listen, Katniss,” Peeta said turning toward her, a thoughtful look crossing his features. “I don’t think I can do this whole ‘friends’ thing with you. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s you. You’re it for me. Even early on when I acted like a completely stupid jerk. I guess it was my way of getting your attention. Being near to you.” He offered with a shrug. “In the worst way possible.” Katniss muttered under her breath, glancing to the side. “Yes, in the worst way possible! I know!” He grabbed her hands in his looking her square in the eyes. “But I want you. I want to do this with you. I think about you all the time. I like being around you, talking with you, working with you.” His voice rose with each admission. “I’m tired of being alone, Katniss. I’m tired of being lonely...” He said quietly, trailing off. They looked at each other for a long time while Katniss searched for the right response. She was terrible with the mushy stuff. Feelings and romanticism were never really her thing. Her mind reeled with several different ideas of words to say. It seemed, however, that none were forthcoming. After awhile Peeta looked expectantly at her and Katniss’ mind froze completely. “Say something.” Peeta urged giving an awkward chuckle. “Dinner smells amazing.” Katniss offered meekly, going for the first idea that came mind. Peeta heaved a sigh and turned to grab the dishes for dinner. Katniss felt her chest tighten. If words were not her strong suit, actions definitely were. Gathering her courage, she stepped closer to Peeta’s side. He turned his head to eye her curiously just before she grabbed his face in her hands and pressed her lips to his. She tilted her head to deepen the kiss, feeling Peeta turning to face her. She felt his hands press against her back, bringing her closer to him and dug her fingers into his hair at the back of his neck, feeling his soft wavy locks on her skin. She allowed her hands to roam over his broad shoulders and down his arms. Peeta pulled back after a moment and gave her a small smile before taking her face in his hands and kissing her lips so softly that Katniss wondered if they had made contact at all. She found herself eager to feel his mouth on hers again and pressed against him. Katniss felt relief when Peeta pressed back, a grunt coming from the back of his throat as he pushed her into the countertop. “How about a tour?” Katniss asked pulling back breathlessly before diving back in to kiss Peeta. Their hands roamed each others’ bodies hungrily. While she was normally one to move painfully slow when it came to relationships, there was something about Peeta that ignited a fire in her. And right now there was only one thing she wanted to do slowly. “Sure.” Peeta replied with a quick nod before leaning down to kiss her neck. “This is the ah-kitchen. Living room.” He said with a quick glance around, motioning with his hand before tending to her neck again. With his hands on her hips, he began to guide her backward down the short hallway. Leaving dinner behind and long forgotten. “My studio.” He choked out before a moan escaped his lips. Katniss smirked as she nibbled his earlobe, pleased with the reaction she had elicited. “Bedroom.” Peeta whispered pulling back once again, searching her eyes. Both stood breathless, foreheads against one another. Katniss’ back pressed against the door. “Thanks for showing me around.” She replied biting her lip. Reaching behind her back to search for the door’s handle, she quickly found success. Peeta steadied the two of them as they spilled into the room. “Peeta?” Katniss muttered. Peeta gave her a noncommittal grunt and continued in his quest to kiss every inch of her neck, nibbling at her earlobe. “Peeta!” She said more insistently. “What?” He asked pausing from the action, a heavy-lidded expression on his face. Katniss felt her stomach knot as she admitted, “I don’t want to be friends either.” Peeta gave her a seductive smile as he dove in to kiss her lips, kicking the door shut behind them.