#yes i did write a self para w my own charas

[ella--cooper]

Big & Little Bear | Self - Para

[mentions: @annccoopcr @jennaxcooper @madisonharrow @franmellina @evieblmnt]

“How’d I know I’d find you here, hm?” Hector smirked as he held up the twenty four pack in his hand and patted his pocket where she knew he’d have a few bigass blunts for the two of them. “Some things never change, I guess.”

Ella smiled when she heard the sound of Hector’s voice, part of her feeling like tonight would be the night he finally showed up. It was their favorite spot by the water, the one they’d come to after he’d buy her a snack to make her feel better or rather the place he had first caught her smoking and had taken the time to teach her how instead of letting her cough her lungs out. “I’m a creature of habit, hermano,” she replied with a soft laugh before moving to make room for him to sit with her. 

“Yeah no shit, it’s nice though. Lot of years I came here without you. Wasn’t the same though.” Despite all the shit going on for both of them, Hector felt at home sitting next to Ella, cracking open a beer for her before he did the same for himself. He could still remember the night she couldn’t stop playing with the label on her soda can, desperate to find a way to tell him she was gay. And when she did, he only smiled and hugged her and told her he’d give her some tips on how to hit on girls. It had never occurred to him to be anything other than loving. The Cooper sisters were his family, there was no doubt about that. 

But still the heaviness weight in between them. The reality that Evie was pregnant, that Hector already had a grown daughter, all of the past things they had tried to bury suddenly unearthing itself in time for the two of the to be in great need of a chance to breathe. So they sat there in silence at first, the only sound that could be heard was the opening of the cans or the click of the lighter. They passed it back and forth, watching their smoke in the sky, their bodies finally relaxing back against the hard rocks. Their thoughts still as chaotic but it a bit more filtered, slightly subdued. 

“El, I..” Hector started, but wasn’t sure where to even start, his voice caught in his throat as he tried to express everything on his mind. 

“Evie told me,” she said instead, figuring he might not be able to talk without knowing what she knew. “Think she told me before she told you actually which is not..me trying to be petty I just,” she finally looked at him as she flicked some ash off the end of blunt and handed it back to him. “And it’s fucking weird, dude. I mean, you’re the love of my life’s baby daddy that’s some serious days of our lives shit,” she told hi, but there wasn’t anger in her voice. “Then again, I suppose if someone was going to be a sperm donor, it’s good that it’s you, at least the kid won’t be ugly,” she added and nudged him. 

Her words actually caused a loud laugh to leave his mouth and he remembered why it was that he and Ella got along the way the day. Remembered the ways he had seen himself in her and she had picked up so many of his habits. Luckily she had a much better head on her shoulders and would never make some of the same mistakes he did. “She and I were just messing around, you know? I..I still don’t know what we’re gonna do but you know, let’s be real here, that kid is just as much yours as it is mine. It’s not like she wants to raise a kid with me but if we keep the baby then you know I’m there. I’m gonna be there.” 

Ella nodded along, knowing he was speaking the truth but the situation was still weird. “I guess,” she started and made sure he was smoking as she spoke so he was a bit relaxed. “I guess now would be a good time to tell you I’ve been hooking up with Frankie. And before you say anything..it took me a minute to figure out who she was.” 

Hector’s expression clearly changed at the mention of Fran but all he could do was let out a laugh. “For fucking real? Jesus, El, you really don’t give these ladies a chance.” He let out another laugh that only grew when their eyes met and next thing they knew they were both cracking up. Until Hector stopped and looked at her. “Wait, does that mean you knew Bree was my kid?”

Ella almost spit out the blunt when he spoke, her eyes widening. “Wait what the fuck? You’re Bree’s dad? Nah dude if I knew that you know I would’ve told you ASAP. I mean shit, now it kind of makes sense, like if you look at her for long you can see the resemblance but I just thought that meant Fran had a thing for latinx dudes. Shit, oh shit! So wait, you’re a double dad? Oh damn, dude, drink that beer, I’ll light up my joint,” she told him and did just that, reaching out a hand to give his shoulder a squeeze. “You alright?”

Hector took a breath, grateful that they could just be real with each other and getting a kick out of how they were able to navigate these complex emotions with such ease. “Yeah so I guess we fucked each other’s person, huh? That’s something. And yeah, she’s my kid. Fran kind of told me because she had to. I ran into them at the supermarket. We got into this big ass fight but I’m supposed to see Bree soon. You spent time with her already? I mean I’m alright. My heads all sorts of fucked up, you know? I mean I kind of thought Fran would never come back and not did she only come back but she’s back with a ten year old who’s life I missed out on. It feels fucked up and i dont know how to not be fucking pissed off but also like..shit, am I ready to be a dad? To Bree and to this potential kid? Hell fucking no,” he admitted and took a long drag. “But I’m going to. I ain’t no fucked up dad, I’m gonna be there for her as much as I can. I’m just..fucking terrified to fuck up.”

Ella nodded along, finishing off her first beer before going for the second. She loved when Hector bought the cans and they could just easily drink their way through the pack. “Dude, I’m not even gonna try to act like I have some sage wisdom around this,you know how I feel about kids. But I mean you’re a good fucking person. I know you don’t think that because you like to get all broody and introspective. But compared to a lot of people in this world? You’re good to people. And yeah, I’ve spent some time with Bree. She’s a good kid. Kind of sarcastic and curious like us. Definitely a product of you and Fran. Speaking of are you two...cause if you are then I officially feel weird about still fucking her, cause i mean, you know you’re my guy.”

Hector laughed softly and drank some of his own beer as he thought about it. “I don’t know what she and I are. I mean when we fought she said all this shit and we talked on the phone and it was just, real talk? It’s fucking scary, E. I mean, ten years I spent convincing myself that she just..threw me away, you know? That she woke up one day and just stopped wanting me. And I didn’t blame her. Cause I never thought much of myself. But it thought it would be different with her, things would be different and then they weren’t. Come to find out she had all these like real logical reasons and a daughter and all of these things that turn reality or what I thought was reality just on it’s ass and I’m suppose dto what? Just go with the flow and trust the process and shit? I’m fucking terrified. I mean what if, god what if it starts to get real good and then she decides nah, shit’s too unsafe, I gotta move again and next thing I know, my daughter is gone and Fran is gone and...I can’t just jump back into what we were you know? I’m not 22 anymore. I got shit I need to do, commitments and everything and I don’t know. I dont think she even wants me like that no more. I think she thinks she does because she still sees me as that guy who picked her up for the carnival on our second date and I see myself as...

“A piece of shit? You love calling yourself that,” she told him and cut him off, putting another beer in his hand. “I got tough news for you Hec. You’re not a piece of shit. yeah, you’ve done some..questionable shit, but that doesn’t make you the devil. I mean honestly, I’m too fucking high to give you a pep talk and I know that’s not what you need. So like you’d say to me, nut up or fuck off. You got a daughter, a baby on the way, but at least you got your life and a job, a working car, running water. You got everything you need to give those babies a good life. You can’t keep living with your head in the past or what Fran might or might not think. I mean shit, if you love her, you go with what you feel and i know im not the one to be giving love advice because me and Evie,” she took a breath. “I dont’ know that shit is complicated too but what I do know is that I’ll be by her side however she needs it. Because she’s my girl, always will be.” 

Hector stayed quiet and sipped his beer as she spoke, knowing she was right. “Damn, how’d you get so good at this, little bear?”

Ella let out a loud laugh and shook her head. “Oh my god you haven’t called me that in the longest. Jesus, what a throwback.” Ella shook her head as she laughed before scooting over so she could put her head on his shoulder. “For the record, I’m happy you’re alive, big bear. This life would be pretty shitty without you. You’re one of the reasons Im happy I came home even if I’m still committed to finally getting to you to New York one day. I know you’d love it,” she assured him before passing the joint, watching their smoke disappear over the water. “And I don’t know if I’m good at this, I just talk out of my ass. I learned from the best,” she told him and tapped his side lightly which only made him laugh. 

She wasn’t lying when she said she was grateful for him. After her parents passed, Hector and Kit were really the only two male figures she had any respect for and could actually get through to her. Hector had always been patient, even when she was a little bitch and swore she didn’t need anyone’s help. But he had let her scream, even let her hit him once and only had given her advice on how to pack a bigger punch. He was the brother she had never had and never knew she needed. The person who’d believe in her no matter what, the way Anna did but also wasn’t afraid to be a little honest with her, to see her with more of her flaws. Hector was her family, without a doubt, and he always would be. 

Hector eventually moved his arm to wrap around Ella’s shoulders, smiling softly as he thought about how far they had come. How he had known her since she was born and he couldn’t be more proud. How even though he felt like a fuck up, he knew he would be a good dad because of the way he had been with Ella and Jenna, the platonic partnership he and Anna had over the years. The Cooper girls were his family, without a doubt and always would be. 

“So you know I met Madison, though I like to call her angel, she saved my ass the other night. Got her drunk off lime a ritas and shit,” he told Ella with a laugh. “I shouldn’t be surprised you already on that buts he seems a little heart eyes and shit, you feel the same?” 

Ella laughed softly and nodded, taking the joint from his fingers. “I do. I think I kind of fell half in love with her already,” she admitted and exhaled. “She is an angel. Heaven sent for sure. I mean I’d say I’m unworthy but...I think she and I are going to be exactly what we’re meant to be. Plus, eventually she’ll realize what she really wants it some dick but we’ll always have something special. In the meantime though. I’m going to enjoy those sweet angel lips and that cute as fuck smile. It’s funny though, you know, everyone, even my sisters act like I have all this power. Like Madison is this innocent little thing. But she could just as easily break my heart and she just might but I’m okay with that. I’d love to get my heart broken by her as ass backwards as it sounds. But I know you've seen what I’ve seen. She’s a fighter, got this little fire in her, you know?”

Hector nodded along, knowing exactly what she meant. “Well then protect your heart as much as you can, alright? I mean enjoy the ride and all of that but still, you deserve all that good shit too. Even if you think you’re too smart for it to happen sometimes.” 

She laughed softly and nodded, appreciating the way he said it. She wanted to tell him about Jenna and about Anna and Jared, she wanted so badly to but she knew he was dealing with a lot and in the end, despite how stubborn she was, it wasn’t her place to tell. She just hoped her sisters would feel the trust she had in him, hope they knew that he was someone to lean on, someone who would always protect them. 

“It’s all kind of fucked up, isn’t it? The webs we weave. How connected you and I are. But I guess I wouldn’t want to be fucked up with anyone else, you know?”

Hector laughed softly, “Yeah I know what you mean. Fucked up together,” he told her with a laugh and knocked his can against hers lightly. “You and me, Little B, we gotta keep our fam together, you know? Plus, Tia Ella ain’t so bad, right?” He smiled sweetly and leaned over to press his lips to the side of her head, laughing as she pretended to swat him off. 

“Yeah, yeah, I love you too, Big Bear. I’m gonna get Bree to start calling you that and hey,” she told him and pushed at his head lightly, “You’re gonna be a great fucking dad. I know you will so stop second guessing yourself so much. That shit is lame, alright?”

Hector nodded and held his fist out for her to bump before they did their little handshake. “Big bear and little bear for life, right?”

Ella let out a loud laugh and nodded, “For better or for worse, dude, big bear and little bear for life.”