#yes there is some overlap in our experiences but some things just didn't even cross my mind before bc it wasn't my personal experience

[deservedgrace]

I don't think that framing "Marginalized™️ Atheism/Deconstruction" and "Cishet White Male Atheism/Deconstruction" as inherently ~separate and distinct~ is super effective (and disclaimer I'm specifically speaking about my experience with christianity, atheism, and ex christian atheists/deconstructors), but also... okay so I was raised in a cult, and cults are oppressive for all its members. Nobody gets out unscathed, everyone experiences the abuse tactics, everybody is a victim. But within the cult there is a hierarchy, and cishet white men are at the top. So while the cult is oppressive to everyone, and everyone is harmed in some way, it is also uniquely oppressive to queer folks, to BIPOC, to disabled folks, to women, etc etc. And the thing that happens to some of those cishet white men is they leave an oppressive cult, where they are considered the "default", and they go into the ~real world~, where they are also considered the "default", and even in atheist/deconstruction spaces, their bodies and experiences are often the leading voices.

The men that leave go from an oppressive patriarchal culture to a far less oppressive (to them) patriarchal society. The white people that leave go from an oppressive racist culture to a far less oppressive (to them) racist society. The people that leave go from an oppressive culture that does not value marginalized voices to a different, less oppressive culture that also does not value marginalized voices. And if you personally do not experience [xyz] oppression, it can be difficult to even realize there are things surrounding that you have to deconstruct unless you listen to the voices of the oppressed. But some cishet white men go from being considered the "default" in an oppressive culture, to being considered the "default" in a less oppressive culture (to them). Their experience of "overcoming systemic oppression" comes from leaving the church, and it can be really easy to fall into the trap that the church, specifically, is the sole oppressor and enemy of everyone.

Of course this doesn't happen in every single case and it's also not exclusive to cishet white men. But those blind spots are why I think it's important for everyone to listen to a variety of voices when they're deconstructing, especially if those voices are talking about oppression you wouldn't have experienced firsthand.

No, our deconstructions are not inherently different, but the experiences and circumstances prior to it often are. It's okay to acknowledge that and beneficial for everybody to listen to each other's experiences.

[inchidentally]

was originally writing this as tags on this photoset of Carlos but god no I need to write it out properly bc god knows carcar carloscar fans need more in our tags <3<3

also part blame falls on @wisteriagoesvroom as a carloscar enabler in chief !!!

AU where Carlos is already with Ferrari when Oscar was with Prema and they cross paths in Italy at the same facility while both filming media…

the Prema boys can't resist sneaking over to the next room to watch the big boys at Ferrari - maybe get an autograph or a picture! and Oscar has to suddenly grip his hoodie in front of himself when he sees Carlos looking like THAT. and then Carlos spots the pretty pink thing with the sweet mouth huddled with his friends, and the devastating fucker actually winks at Oscar. Robert and Logan look like their eyes are about to fall out of their heads and Fred is suppressing spasms of laughter but all of them freeze when Carlos saunters over to them, still wearing that second-skin hi vis top that clings all the way down to the grooves of his groin.

and maybe Carlos casually introduces himself to them and poses for selfies. but as the boys are scolded back to their own room for filming, maybe Carlos wraps a big tanned hand around Oscar's wrist and ohhhh my Carlos' fingers overlap so deep around the fine bones. his voice casually offers to take Oscar for dinner that night bc he's heard a lot about this impressive kid and he always likes to scope out the guys he'll be racing against one day. but his eyes are saying that he'd like to get to know the intimate skin of Oscar's thighs where they meet his ass.

Carlos goes so far as to meet Oscar at the shared accommodation and with a huge effort Oscar keeps the other boys from going all googly eyed out the window. Carlos is dressed in just a linen button down and dark trousers and it makes Oscar self-conscious about having borrowed a blazer from one of the race engineers to wear over his only pair of nice pants and a white collared shirt he's had since school. Carlos' Ferrari is as cool as he is and Oscar feels at ease finally in gushing about it all the way to the restaurant. Carlos seems to maybe be laughing a little bit at him but Oscar doesn't mind. and when Carlos says maybe he'll have something just as nice one day soon, Oscar lifts his chin and returns that 'maybe he'll have something even nicer'. it's clearly the right thing to say because Carlos tips his head back and actually cackles. he says "I knew I was going to like you, guapito" and slaps a huge hairy hand over Oscar's upper thigh.

Oscar had expected to be taken to a nice, cozy trattoria or some obnoxiously exclusive spot with celebrities "off duty" that Carlos would probably ignore. he wasn't expecting a small table in the intimate outdoor garden terrace of a restaurant that doesn't even have a sign out front. there's a heavenly breeze that didn't seem to exist outside the magic of the six tables placed comfortably apart from each other. the entire space is sinking into a pinky-orange dusk with only lanterns and candlelight illuminating everyone's faces.

Carlos is actually even funnier than he seems in the videos Oscar's been watching since he was probably too young to have a crush on someone Carlos' age. he's also crazy smart and can keep pace with Oscar in discussions about aerodynamics and the stuff that he knows a lot of other drivers don't want to be bothered about. he's also intimidatingly cultured and well-traveled and yes, unavoidably part of exceptionally elite society. there are strong divergences in their experiences both in and outside of racing but Oscar tilts his chin up with pride and refuses to feel embarrassed about chasing sponsorship money. he can see Carlos assessing him in those moments and his smile looks warm, not condescending.

two other things Oscar discovers about Carlos: he has no understanding of personal space, and he's got an iron constitution when it comes to potent wine. Oscar had tried to keep up so that he didn't seem like a total baby but still had to alternate his sips with water. Carlos had chuckled and stroked the hot open flat of his hand over each of Oscar's red cheeks, mumbling something in Italian to the waiter and they both grinned at Oscar knowingly.

the delicious food and heavy scent of earth carrying over from the countryside make Oscar feel sleepy and slightly dreamy as night settles around them. at some point, their chairs had scooted closer together and Oscar leaned more and more into Carlos' casual touch. Carlos' eyes are fully black in the dim light and the flame of the candle on their table is the only light reflected in them. his hand had gripped the back of Oscar's neck jokingly but he'd kept it there, massaging slightly. Oscar had hummed and then the fingers slipped up to cup the base of Oscar's skull, rubbing circles over the soft, closely cropped hairs.

Oscar can't even blame the wine he'd given up trying to enjoy an hour ago when he steadies himself with a hand on Carlos' thigh and pushes a closed-mouth kiss against Carlos' lips. he can't stop the whine when Carlos pulls away after a moment, leaning back in to whisper "not here" into his ear.

and maybe Carlos hastily pays up and guides Oscar with a big warm hand curled around where Oscar's waist dips narrow and lean. and maybe Carlos turns the car in the opposite direction of Oscar's accommodation, throwing a questioning look at him, to which Oscar replies by sinking lower into his seat and cupping himself lazily where he's been thickening up for the better part of an hour. Carlos swears heavily under his breath and speeds up to get to his apartment.

and Carlos crowds Oscar inside, carefully not putting his hands anywhere untoward as they climb the public stairs but never taking them off of him either. Carlos is on him the second he turns the lock on the door, pryng Oscar's mouth open with the kinds of kisses Oscar remembers seeing on his mom's favorite shows but that he didn't think existed in real life. how could anyone feel confident in taking someone else's mouth like that?

Carlos may not be much taller but he's broad and strong and muscles Oscar to the bedroom with ease. Oscar probably gets a surge of panic over wanting to make sure he gets at least one fantasy lived out in case Carlos doesn't like his body or changes his mind or gets a call from some supermodel who wants to come over and he boots Oscar out.

so he pulls away and actually begs to be allowed to blow Carlos, not even caring that his voice broke on the 'ple-ase'. and that's how Carlos ends up hastily throwing an accent pillow down on the floor for Oscar to kneel on while Carlos leans back on his arms on the bed with one hand curled in Oscar's hair, urging him on. it's seeing Oscar's arm moving furtively out of sight and realizing that Oscar's getting off just from energetically but inexpertly blowing him that gets Carlos to climax. he apologizes because he hadn't even warned him, but the sight of Oscar shuddering through his own orgasm and moaning with his open mouth overfilling with Carlos is honestly worth the rudeness.

reasoning that someone Oscar's age has practically no refractory period, Carlos hauls him up onto the bed and strips them both. he grips Oscar behind both knees and lays into abusing the flesh of his inner thighs that have been on his mind since that afternoon. he pushes Oscar's legs up even higher to get his teeth and tongue on the exact crease of thigh and cheek and works each side until the skin is red raw from his stubble. Oscar is making these small, broken-off noises that are driving Carlos crazy and he drops both legs to work his way up to Oscar's beautiful pecs. he assumes no one has ever paid attention to this area before now because Oscar nearly bucks him off the bed with how intensely he reacts.

and Carlos has probably gotten hard again so he swipes his lube from the bedside table and jerks them both off one-handed while worrying one of Oscar's nipples red and sore. Oscar comes again and Carlos has to kneel up and finish all over Oscar's pale, pink chest. some of it hits Oscar's chin where some of Carlos' come had already started to dry from before.

and maybe there's a moment after they've both recovered enough to think where Oscar is about to awkwardly as for a cab or maybe a ride back but Carlos gets ahead of it and tells him to text his friends and Carlos will drive him back in the morning.

and Carlos smirks when Oscar hovers his fingers over his phone, clearly unsure of how to phrase it. "go ahead and tell them all about it, it'll drive them crazy"

and Oscar smiles to himself as he types out who he's with and why and what they've done and then gazes up at Carlos who is holding Oscar's chin between thumb and forefinger, wiping down his face with a warm cloth.

"you're going to be bad news for me, Oscar. I can tell.”

there is a seriousness behind it that Oscar is too young and inexperienced to hear. instead he smirks and digs a knee into Carlos' side.

"you bet I am"