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blueybunny · 3 years

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The last time we talk as student and teacher

TL;DR: I can text E againnnnnnnnnnnnnn (I’m sorry this is so long)

I’m a big mess of overflowing emotions today. For some context, I was supposed to go talk to E for the last time before I graduate.

The day started off really terribly. When I arrived at school, I immediately had a bad feeling about everything and my anxiety was exacerbated by the fact that I had had a nightmare the previous night. I went to E’s classroom but she was having a meeting that ran overtime. After waiting for what felt like forever, she came up to me and told me that she had a sudden change of plans and would only have a few minutes to chat with me today if I was willing to wait for her to finish her next class. I don’t know why but I kind of saw this coming. I did wait, of course, but at that moment I felt disheartened and quite disappointed.

Then, before she ends the class, she suddenly comes up to me again and asks me if I would want to walk with her to another place where she needed to go. She even said that we wouldn’t be in a hurry and that she could be like 20 minutes late if we happened to take our time walking there. So, things started to look up again. I wait for her a bit and we head out. She was wearing a dress today since the weather was absolutely gorgeous.

We ended up walking quickly even though we didn’t intend to, E’s just naturally a fast walker (she has long legs, as she claimed today) and I even had to tell her she was practically speed-walking bc she said how she was ‘trying to go slow’. She complained about some of her students who still hadn’t finished their projects for summer and since she was in charge of them, she needed to spend extra time helping them (don’t get me wrong, she treats her students like she would probably treat her kids, so she’s not actually serious). She said how it was nice that she could let it out of her system then rather than being mad at her students lol (again, we have a weird dynamic). She also proudly told me about her sister’s kid again when I asked about her summer plans – she seems to know that I know who she’s talking about since she name-drops her family members like it’s second nature. She’s such a cool aunt, it’s adorable! E then went on to call me gifted/talented and at one point she said how “she’s good at things, but that’s about it”. Think again, E.

Since graduation is looming right around the corner, we talked about it a bit too and she said she tries to make it to the celebrations, which means I have a chance of seeing her then.

Now for the best part. We didn’t talk for too long since we walked so fast, but at least it was more than 5 minutes. Since she will probably be making an appearance at my graduation, she didn’t say goodbye or anything yet. I was panicking a bit bc I really wanted to ask her if I could talk to her in the future too but I had a feeling she didn’t expect me to do so. After a small panic (and E urging the question out of me) I finally asked her. I can’t remember her initial reaction or what she said exactly but she didn’t seem taken aback by it and instead said it would be nice to catch up sometime (like she does with other ‘ex-students’ of her, her words lol) bc she likes hearing what people are up to. I was student-zoned so harddddddd and hearing her talk about other students like that got to me a bit since while it means she really cares about them, it made me feel less special and now I’m just one of her ‘ex-students’. Okay okay I’ve never ever been anything ‘special’ to her, it’s just that there was a time when I felt really close to her and I long for those moments.

Anyway, getting to the point. E did specify that we wouldn’t be seeing each other nearly as often as in the past because, well, I’m going to uni so it would be a practical impossibility. I added that it would be weird if I kept doing the same thing I did up until this point (finding her at school in between my classes). Then I started wondering how I could ask her about her schedules. And this woman just says: “Oh, you still have my phone number right?” I– what? Of course I dreamed of this but I never thought she would be the one to suggest it, especially not like this!!! It literally comes full circle. So yeah, she allowed me to text her again (I don’t think she ever actually said no to it, I just assumed it would be decent of me to stop lol). And she also mentioned coffee, to which I had to say that she still owes me one and she said she does. I am so excited to finally, finally, do that with her, though there’s no guarantee it will happen this year lol. It depends on a lot of factors, but I can wait. It’s a date, E, so don’t you dare to bail on me!

We have a few rules now when it comes to texting: First, no texts over summer break since she needs her family time. Second, she can tell me she doesn’t have time and I won’t take it personally (long story related to this). It’s so funny she specified that. I asked her if I could maybe send her some photos next week and she said yes.

I will probably post a follow-up to this later after I’ve recharged my batteries lol, there are a few things I would like to get off my mind. But, for now, I feel content. This was endgame (see my previous post), yes, but we’re moving onto a sequel now. It means a lot less chats with E, but hopefully plenty of new adventures. I hope we won’t drift apart because of how things will be from this point on, but at least she’s still in my life.

#tc #tcc #E #blueybunny #teacher crush #teachercrush

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