#yknow i intended for this to be like two paragraphs lol

[songbirdlopez]

i will never understand how so many people think santana auditioned for rachel's understudy out of spite or malice. at that point in the show they are friends, santana has shown she cares about rach and vice versa. the opening scene to that episode is san acknowledging her behaviour towards rach in high school and rach forgiving her. then rach is encouraging to santana and says that one day she'll be the one on top.

rachel tells kurtana about how stressed she is about auditioning her understudy and asks for their support. it's pretty obvious that santana gets the idea there and then. she knows that rach doesn't want an understudy but she has to have one, so doesn't it makes sense to have it be a person she already knows and is friends with? obviously san is also looking for her place so it's two birds one stone in her mind. i get a high exposure job in the industry and rach doesn't have to worry about working closely with some rando.

her greatest misstep is not telling rachel prior but she gets the idea just as rach closes the door behind her in a rush. she didn't have time to tell her when she also only has like an hour to memorise the song and prepare.

the reason she mimics rach's sectionals performance is out of admiration. it's so obvious just by the look on her face and her mannerisms. to san she is paying tribute to her friend who she believes will like the idea. santana isn't smirking or bitchy, she's literally ecstatic and smiling the entire performance.

santana has said a lot of mean things to rach but she's never said she isn't talented, that is the one thing about rach that she always admired.

at this point in the show santana hasn't been the antagonist for like three seasons. she's no longer the one to tear rachel down, she just makes jokes and gives reality checks. all of her interactions with berry have been her trying to help and support her.

santana wasn't auditioning out of spite and whenever I see someone say that I know that they haven't paid attention to half of the show.

[pink-strawberry-kissess]

Hi, wiki anon again! I totally understand being apprehensive. I’ve seen how people who dislike Aeon act, and I don’t blame you. I ended up retracing my steps, and what I was looking at was Leon’s Wikipedia. (This one to be precise: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Leon_S._Kennedy)

I remember now that I was searching “Ada” on his page and came across this under the “Portrayal” tab: (It’s towards the end if you don’t wanna read the first half)

“In Resident Evil: Operation Raccoon City, Christian Lanz voiced Leon.[4] Nick Apostolides is the voice and motion capture of Leon in the remake of Resident Evil 2 and Resident Evil 4, including in the film Resident Evil: Infinite Darkness.[42][43] Apostolides stated that thanks to the Resident Evil 2 remake he was able to have more exposure in his career.[44] The actor was shocked when he was cast for the role as he recalls being a fan of the franchise and noted that director needed a new voice for Leon due to the remake's younger persona. He provided the motion capture for such work. He went on to describe the character as a good nature young adult who stumbles into one of the biggest mayhems ever as a result of the outbreak in Racoon City. He was curious about the character's relationship with Ada Wong, believing the former had feelings for the latter but found this unhealthy due to how the franchise expands these two's connection.[45] His facial features on the remake of Resident Evil 2 were based on model Eduard Badaluta.[46]”

Honestly I am just glad I didn’t have some kind of fake memory. I kind of don’t know what they mean by “due to how the franchise expands these two’s connection,” either.

But yknow it’s just a wiki. I knew for sure I didn’t take it from a fan wiki because I distinctly remember seeing a white background whereas fan wikis are usually decorated. Thanks again for showing examples of him being interested in the ship though. I totally didn’t intend to cause confusion or anything.

hello wiki anon!

yes so sorry for my defensiveness lol

ah i see i see, i actually completely missed that part but i dug even deeper and went into the citations, and what's interesting is that it's not in the source in the citation!

the part that's listed on the wiki page is not mentioned in the citation at all

if you go into it, and type in ada, you only have two instances of it, and it's this paragraph. (above)

so i don't even know where "He was curious about the character's relationship with Ada Wong, believing the former had feelings for the latter (but found this unhealthy due to how the franchise expands these two's connection.")

but this, is no where in the article. like at all.

this is also why i dig deep. i wonder where this particular line came from. since it's not in the article, we have to assume it was written in from someone else since it's not properly sourced.

BUTT

i think anyone with a brain cell can understand that ada DID do a wrong. but she's spent several games and films to atone for it. and also the fact that ada literally did not owe leon anything at the beginning of re2 when they met. she does not know him. she does not have to do anything.

i think nick's response in the interview is more to his actual opinion as opposed to what was written in the wiki! complicated has always been the the most popular ways to describe their relationship. but the fact that he acknowledges it as such says a lot. especially that leon had feelings for her

thank you for clarifying! but also now's the question, where did the line actually come from. There's a possibility it's from the video citation but I do not have the time to go through it right now lol

and it's also not listed as the citation for the quote so i don't know if it even pertains to the quote at all but yeah

[dreamsarelikedragonflies]

Which of your fics...

(eeeeeee!) I was tagged by @nikibogwater for this one, and I’m super grateful for that, because boy oh boy do I have things to say. Without further ado...

...did you think would get a bigger reaction/audience than it got: 

Well, I have to say I thought Uneven Days would be getting a lot of attention, seeing as, yknow, Douxie dying at the end of Wizards would have been one hell of a turn. But, the more I think about that one, the more I realize it’s really pretty dark and downright painful to read even for me, so I can understand why it wasn’t bigger. At the same time, I still regard it as one of my better heavy-angst pieces because of how I was able to make it concise but impactful.

...is your funniest: 

Hmm! I think that I tend to keep a balance of humor, fluff, and angst in my writing (and personally, I think that’s what makes it so appealing to me to keep writing) but Witch Hazel was by far one of the more fluffy and just all around funnier ones. I mean, really, a stinky moppet!Douxie who is overjoyed to be running simple errands for his master, sassy Zoe who doesn’t know what to think of this tall, cute, albeit dorky guy, immediately followed up by a time skip to the future where Zoe is soft about sweet Douxie and the roles are sort of reversed. It’s just so stinking cute (pun fully intended.)

...is your darkest/angstiest: 

Well, previously mentioned Uneven Days probably has to take the cake on that one, simply because of how dark it is. Originally, Fundamental Experiences was going to be a lot heavier. I had actually considered having him accidentally kill his father, and had touched on going more in-depth on the abuse suffered. But...I have an idea to incorporate a quite uncomfortable moment where he sees his father for the last time into that series somewhere...

...is your absolute favorite: 

Why on Earth would you make me choose?!?!? Not to mention, my perception of good or not is heavily influenced by reactions and comments, lol. If I had to pin down ONE, I would maybe say that at the moment, chapter 8, “Did You Know” of Saudade is my favorite. In fact, that whole work is my baby. I really enjoyed making them hurt over the course of 25k words, and then of course, writing out my own pining and yearning into these characters I’ve grown to love so much, well, that was cathartic. I think it’s what finally pushed me over the edge of getting over a semi-recent breakup and a heartache for a crush that was never going to go anywhere(the crush in question once sang me all eight and a half minutes of American Pie by Don McLean at work and my obsession with McLean songs took off from there). I self-project an unhealthy amount, but it leaves my writing astonishingly real.

...is your least favorite: 

Yeesh. Well, I wrote Not Just Happenstance for a “The Dragon Prince” AU thing in a contest-type of thing that was going for a while, and it just felt so rushed and cringey. And this work is what led me to realize I really don’t like writing heavily canon-divergent AUs where just about everything is changed. AUs in general are not my cup of tea, but recently I’ve found a few I really vibe with, but I’m only going to write ones with minor changes. I’m down with reading a few here and there, however.

...was the easiest to write:

Hmm. I think mostly because of it’s simplicity and short-and-sweet style, A Friendship of A Thousand Lifetimes. It was one of my earlier pieces posted, back when I thought I’d get away with uploading under 1k pieces to that series. It came pretty naturally to me, and it was actually a little inspired by HTTYD in the trap aspect.

...was the hardest to write: 

There’s a couple of answers to this question. Emotionally speaking, Uneven Days killed me. I had to take crying breaks to write it. And when I finished it, I wasn’t even relieved, I just felt...numb. But logistically speaking, I’ve done wayyyyy too much research on dancing in the 12th century for one of my WIP Zouxie week fics, lol, for it to only be a super minor aspect. I did a lot of research on that one for acceptable words to use, what clothing would have looked like, and so on, and then I only used a tiny bit of that info in the work. I really struggled to pair it own, too, and it’s almost deserving of it’s own mini-series. If you want the sequel to it, you’ll have to comment requesting it when it goes up Nov. 2nd!

...has your favorite line/exchange/paragraph (share it):

I have a couple answers to this one. In regards to fluff:

“Well,” he starts, running a thumb down her cheek and to her jaw. “Twice in nine hundred years is nothing. I was thinking I’d like to make up for some lost time.”

“I wouldn’t mind that at all,” Zoe answers. She meets his lips with a grin.

I mean, that one is just so freaking flirty and adorable, it makes me feel all AHHHHH on the inside. If not for knowing it’s better unwritten (and that I just,,, I mean,, I would write a scene with them making out but I just don’t know if I should yknow. if you think I should, well, by all means leave a comment here and consider it done) I would have delved into that more lol. I am soft for that sort of super sappy flirting. Saudade, Chapter 8.

In terms of humor? I LOVED writing that email interaction/skype call into my Saudade chapters. I just thought it was so freaking funny and fun to write, not to mention there’s so many lines that are gold in there, I can’t just pick one.

But in regards to the angst and pain??

Archibald feels numb and senseless to even the warmth of the sun on his fur. It doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does. Everything has been taken away from him. Archie feels like a celestial body that had orbited a star all it’s life, only to have it suddenly wrenched away from him. He’s now purposeless. Directionless. The gravity is gone and there is nothing to keep him securely in place. 

This one is from Uneven Days again, and whoooo boy does it hurt. I think I managed to capture Archie’s own perception of himself in regards to Douxie. Without Doux, Archie doesn’t know who he is anymore. And that in itself is a powerful thing.

...have you re-read the most:

I’m not sure. Just for perspective, I reread my fics nearly every time someone comments so I can get a feeling for it again, lol. Though, I have only reread Uneven Days twice. Once to edit, and once after posting and that is all. But I think I’ve reread chap 8 of Saudade over two dozen times. I worked so hard to get that one just right. It wasn’t difficult, it was just that I seriously wanted it to be perfect.

...would you recommend to someone reading your work for the first time: 

Start with Saudade! It will always be the best place to start, and actually, if you read along with my series updates, they weave together quite well. If you really wanted, you could read A Wizard’s Beginnings first simply because of the chronological order, but it’s not necessary.

...are you most proud of: 

Saudade will always be my magnum opus of fics that I’ve written for ToA. It has everything in it and more. But really? A Sinking Memory is by far the best piece I’ve written for ToA. If you haven’t already, please go read this. There is so much I could go into detail about the ways I tied that whole work together. And in fact, I plan to make a post talking about that because so help me Powers that Be, I am not letting it go under-appreciated. (because holy shit the symbolism and raw fucking emotion in there is WILD)

Tagging(with no pressure, but I’d love to hear from you!): @alovesongshewrote, @constantconfusion14, @feather-dancer and @sammyheroes. Thanks so much for the tag again, much love!!!

[izzpeng]

Unsent Emails

25/08/2016

To: julian.smith@jus.edu.bn

Subject: Surprise bitch, I'm back!

Dear Smithy,

First of all I would like to say, fuck you for telling me I wouldn't get an A* in maths just because I messed around in class too much. Second of all, I would like to thank you for being a fraction of motivation in my math studies. I have to admit, I liked you enough to study 10% harder than I usually do and for that you deserve a blog post dedicated to you, just kidding you worthless piece of shit who wont even dedicate your thoughts to me. But it's too late now, so you're very fortunate for even being mentioned in my oh so popular blog.

Thanks for being a great teacher/supporter/motivator/useless advisor/racist bastard/...friend. See you in the afterlife you dick.

With cold fury,

Izzati Azhan

To: roland.lopez@jis.edu.bn

Subject: God Bless the Lopez

Dear Lopezo Mighty,

You don't deserve a 'fuck you' because you knew my potential and only encouraged me day after day, with your sadistic humour and the quiet blazing fire dancing in your eyes which was the only sign that you're actually human. I'd express my gratitude in a 10,000 word essay but I'm sure you'll just read the introduction and conclusion and base my grade off those two paragraphs. But without your life coaching I would not have gotten A*A* for both my Eng Lit and Lang. Dare I say it, thank you for setting us a Date Wiv Des Tinny, those practice papers were torture each week but well worth it in the end. You are my spirit animal in all dimensions, maybe except in Hell where you'd be Satan but...

Stay Healthy Senôr!

With all my love (though you believe it is just another concept of convenience),

Izzati Azhan

To: beenal.roberts@jus.edu.bn

Subject: bust out the roti, girl its about to get some of this izzatikkamasala

Dear Beenal the Brindian,

I know I know, this time its a fuck me for getting an A and not an A* but Miss I was 3 marks of an A* if that makes you feel any better, it does with me! I actually don't feel that thankful towards you since I do feel I did hm... mostly all the work, I took the exam after all. But an email of gratitude to show manners and my kissing ass abilities can't hurt can it? So terima kasih for all the lessons you spent dramatically telling us your stories, sometimes even twice of the same one, thanks for letting me doodle in class just because you talk a lot of the time and therefore I am allowed to half listen. I wouldn't be the indian food loving person I am today without you, oh and almost forgot... of course thanks for helping me achieve that almost A*! Fuck the examiner for me next time will ya.

With all my beloved assets,

Izzati Azhan

To: andy.mcculloch@jus.edu.bn

Subject: smile at me wit ur eyes, nat yo mouth only

Dear Turquoise Eyes,

I'd like to get to know the 16 yr old you but my chance has passed. Inappropriate flirting aside, guess what sir! I got exactly what I got in the most recent geo mocks 149/180 and I thought the mocks weren't an accurate indication. I'd like to thank you for having beautiful eyes and smiling at me even though on the inside you be like "lol fucktard thats the most incorrect answer ever, like not even close." I enjoyed your classes and you're sometimes funny but not on purpose, more like weird funny yknow? I think you'd like to get credit for my success but honestly i learnt how to answer case studies properly through Ajmal through Mr Cook, so who is really my teacher here? Me. Because I taught myself to sought answers and techniques elsewhere but sure I guess you can have some credit, those eyes deserve at least a generous 5%. lol ok bye tq

With a 9 on the Ritcher Scale,

Izzati Azhan,

You guessed it, the wait is over! #gcseresults2016 was trending on twitter and the sounds of 16yr olds packing their bags, getting ready to get disowned by their parents was the most honest and lit af song this year (after Frank Ocean's Blond of course). I admit its always nerve-wracking receiving results, where a single exam determines your ability to understand (or memorise) a two year course. But I had faith that with my prayers and hard work Allah gave me the results I truly deserved, so presumably my anxiety was on the down low while my trust in God was at sky high.

Alhamdulillah I got 3A's 6A*, I was so confident I would smash an A* with Business and Art but alas the grade boundaries proved me otherwise. With three fucking marks off an A* in Business I was so irritated at which examiner marked my paper, not irritated to risk a request for a remarking though. And Art, I hoped for an A*  but instead faced it's less prestigious sibling, an A. I asked around of course, not trying to compare or anything but I just needed to know what the students who I thought was for sure going to get A* actually got, to my delightful (?) surprise they too got an A which led me to believe that scoring an A* in Art is no easy business. Business isn't easy either lmao.

To this, I must admit defeat to my mother. She's been on my back for my choice of Art as an A-level subject saying its hard to score high in Art, but my cocky ass just waved it away and dismissed it altogether. Doubt has risen up in my throat, threatening my artistic capabilities to spill out across the walls of abandoned buildings as grafitti instead of street art. So thats something to think about before Saturday Morning.

UPDATE:

I attended Enrollment day alone, my heart beating, my eyes watering and my mind wandering. I chose to do IB diploma, for many reasons. I am just so drawn to how different it is, I think of all the future local Bruneians who did A-levels asking for the sam scholarship then I imagine the MoE going through the applications like "Great a-levels, a-levels, a-levels Oooo IB whats this?" and I just feel like I would have a standing chance you know? It would also help me to mix around with more international students and prepare for the university life so when I do go to university Insyallah I wont feel vulnerable and small.

But I just feel like my mother is against me taking IB, like she's trying to be supportive by giving a tight smile and grim nods but inside I know she's not convinced and this all happened on the way to the Arts Centre which made me even feel more queasy. My Father on the other hand, gave me a genuine "Go for it" which helped me so much on every level, I just need the motivation, just that little push to help me get going, feed me a trickle more of confidence.

So I had a choice to approach either Duckling or Dickinson on my IB subjects, and okay Dickinson was full okay there was a long queue and I ended up going to Duckling because I really had no choice! hehehhehhehehhe. Anyway I waved the papers in my hand high above to indicate that I was next and he laughed and told me to come and sit, so naturally I did. He took a look at my grades and praised me and then circled my subjects that I intend on studying, giving me advice that I should only need Math Studies seeing as how I'm not thinking of a mathematical kind of career. He then said " blablablabla Youre subjects are a smart choice, I think you're good to go, Welcome to the IB program"

And that was the clarity I was searching for, that little- push.

NOT JUST BCS HE'S HIM BUT BCS I NEEDED TO HEAR IT.

Just before that, Brindian approached me asking me  about my business results and encouraging me to take that remark because I was three marks off an A* saying that theres no reason I dont deserve the A*. I was uncertain because sure it makes me feel so fucking good about myself and so very satisfied, but who really needs an A* in GCSE Business to get accepted into a University? So I made a face. The face. and She went "What do you have to lose?" And of course one thing instantly came to mind "Um money?" then she gave me a look. The look. So I said I'll think about it and apparently only 1 or 2 students got A*. The thing is I actually would get it remarked if my Art grade also got bumped up to an A* but I have no idea what Ms Stroud is trying to do by contacting the exam board?

So thats that, she asked me about my ever so popular brother. So I told him oh he did well, she asked about which university and I replied Leicester and I told her that Im actually going off and missing 3 weeks of school. Then she went "oh you know Leicester's my hometown, in what area is he living because Im there in December" and i was like wtf creepy. And she continued saying "Oh Imagine if we just bumped into each other on the streets" and I was going to say something awkward because like what the fuck right? But Mr Duckling was open and ultimately saved me and she gestured me to go ahead.

After that, Mr mcluck approached me well not really, well kind of but it was super fucking awkward because I was waiting for my turn with Mrs Krüger and he was on the table nearby and made eye contact and he smiled and I returned it and i was like fuck am i suppose to go over lmao so i slowly sat down while he came over to me. YAKNOW gotta play hard to get. SO again he asked me are you happy with you results blablablabla were you nervous getting your results so I told him that I wasnt as nervous because other people were like "oh my life is over" and he laughed and blablablabla just mostly nodding and smiling. Then he asked me about my brother's results hi ok 2nd teacher to ask about my brother cool. I gave him a vague oh he did well and told him Leicester University on 18th September and I added that I was actually going to send him off and missing 3 weeks of school. Blablbalbalbalabl then he finally asked about IB saying that oh great choice.

And Wendy told me that at the YC Mcluck was talking about me to wendy asking me what I got and he saying that i Was exceptional kekekekkekekekk fuck man his eyes are so blue, dont think about it dont think about. Did i tell you I had a dream of him as Ben Affleck like wtf, first of all why would I even dream about him, maybe it was because I crossed his mind like just the night before omg. but whatever. Idk that made me feel so good about myself. Then Brindian thought that Fatin was Hana and approached Fatin and Wendy haahhahahahah and somehow started talking about me?? Like boi they both love me so much, I wonder if Lopez or Julibear bear talks about me like that. Sigh imagine

Smithy: Shes a fucking pain in the ass

Lupez: Intelligent fucking pain alright

Smithy and Lupez: But she's our pain in the ass.

OMGGGGGGGGG I loved all my GCSE teachers and classes! like those were the best days of my JIS experience so far. Art was super chill, she let us sing out loud together saying that we were the only class who did that and that she'll miss us :(((((((( Smithy couldnt care less, he just moved on click like that. Anyway, hope everyone got what they expected with their results or better and just remember kids, grades DO define who are and where you'll be in life. lol goodluck fam.

Izzati