#yknow maybe shes related to min . who knows !

[unproduciblesmackdown]

lihn asks: 1, 10, 15, 26, 30, 31, 37, 41, 46, 49

thanks for the asks and thanks for creating the ask list in the first place

1) Favorite song(s)? i especially like three failed escape attempts of sheila nail. it does A Lot re: like, introducing a character, but probably the biggest reason it is a fave is b/c It Is A Banger

10) Favorite line(s)? this is a tough one, i've been Thinking on it and there's no immediate standout answer coming to mind for sure......how about "she asked us to, so we did." great stuff

15) A minor character(s) you love? hmm i mean i guess clearly susannah and sheila are the main and next most main characters but from there it's like, is Everyone equally a minor character........well kitty is my favorite of course so i guess that's an easy answer, i also just like immediately enjoyed rat and i wish she had more content even though definitely other girls didn't have a world of Content either

26) Solitary or Masochist? well i think probably solitary Musically, seeing as i def actually remember it more for that reason, but maybe i gotta say masochist b/c a) you know, kitty is the fave, and b) even if i don't remember a ton of details i still enjoyed it and i enjoyed the scene overall a Lot and what role it has in the story / susannah's arc.

30) Scene(s)/concept(s) you would like expanded upon? hmm i do like dorothy and kitty's Thing being like. never really brought to the forefront / made Crucially relevant or anything but it also was not too Apparent at all lmfao although yknow, maybe it was more clear in person. i think i'd like it to have like. at least more Textual implications of the existence of the pairing. s/o to kitty again

31) What you would like changed if another production of the show happens? uhhh i think in its immediate aftermath i was sort of thinking how it's a bit weird that like. sure you can easily take some textual material in lihn and interpret girls as Not Nt informed by that, but clearly the focus is how their response to external societal factors is Pathologized (especially based on their identities, e.g. susannah as a black girl and kitty as a trans girl), and while of course miss asp having this extended breakdown basically over the course of the show lol *is* about her own Attempts To Cope With Society have failed her and are failing her, and she's having Bigger messy reactions as the show goes on as the girls sort of get themselves even more together, it felt like she was being given behaviors that are more like. "cues" that are associated with Mental Disorders like, her thinking the girls could be aliens is sure involved with the Metaphor in that, but from the perspective of her character being fairly earnest in that belief, that's like, More of an interfering Symptom than we've seen from any of the girls........idk like, feels like either her character could become at least Slightly more subtly handled or like, in the same way that the girls are here for different things and yet The Same Thing, it could be made more explicit that one or more of the girls is nd and that Just Might manifest in ways that are seen as going beyond "standard" "weirdness" like yknow. miss asp out here like "yeah she has delusions now" while with the girls it's like. yeah they have "undesirable / inappropriate Behaviors" but, not of that kind

37) Favorite fanmade media related to LIHN?

this fic by soph, this drawing of kitty by al, this drawing of kitty by an artist i know does other nicher iconis-content art, this drawing of kitty talking to susannah by an artist who i know i’ve Appreciated other lihn art from, and your galaxy brain video juxtaposing “i was a teenage delinquent!” with vimh

41) An anecdote about your experience with LIHN? lmao well i don't Personally have any great anecdote i don't think. i watched it along with soph which means i had to keep messaging them like "hang on pause, i'm Buffering again" every 6-13 min or so, and a fun coincidence was that 99% of the time the video paused at a timestamp wherein the Seconds ended in _9. someone else's anecdote: al's story of having gone to an actual lihn performance, having had been made to miss the intended train to the theater and needing to wait for the next one, and ending up sitting right in front of jason sweettooth williams on the ride / getting to make conversation lol. rights

46) Stupidest quote from the NYT review? lmfao fuck you i haven't reread this shit since it came out and it is SO hard to pick a stupidest quote. rereading it now i'm freshly Amazed at how stupid a quote i'd forgotten is. but ofc i Have to go with "...[Susannah]'s very much an everygirl. She is the black child of white adoptive parents, which she knows (ask answer editor's note: "????????? what aspect of this would she Not know"), and a lesbian, which she quickly discovers, but..." like lmaoooo never gets old. alexis soloski, everyone!!!

49) Bruce the Ocelot or Harriet II? well, again, Kitty, and i do like ocelots, they're cool, so: bruce. and it’s a really fun scene where the whole concept is introduced lmao

[snowslasherr]

here's a little something i’m making for all of you because you deserve it ♥️ if you don’t have a valentine you have all of these babies and me as well ♥️ i love you all so much, stay safe and take care of yourselves! i'm sorry if this is too short to be a holiday special :')

i'll add a read more thing later im sorry for clogging up ur dash

Dwight Fairfield

poor boy he'd be so nervous

dwight's really good at keeping track of the days in the fog, so he'd have extra time to prepare

he just wants to make you happy : )!!

he'll nervously tug at your sleeve at the campfire. go along with it and follow him blease

after near 20 minutes of walking in the woods you were about to ask where you're going, but before the words slip out of your mouth you see what he's been leading you to

a couple dark vines are concealing a small space, with a little creek running through the middle. the trees loomed over it, much taller than some of the other trees. crows were settled on some branches but flew away when you stepped in. the whole area was littered with flowers that dwight had planted himself, with the help of claudette. he wanted to make the perfect spot just for you.

"do you like it?"

what a stupid question. of course you like it. smh ❤

theoretically you can both sit there for hours, but trials get in the way. either way, it's perfect. he's perfect.

although he wasn't expecting anything from you it was a pleasant surprise when you whipped out a little gift. you'd gotten meg to help you force convince danny to let her borrow his camera, so she could take pictures of you both. of course, dwight didn't know this

meg was a surprisingly good photographer. the photos weren't blurry and they would make a good gift even in the normal world.

when you gave them to him he teared up and spent the next half hour quickly stuttering out how much he loves and appreciates you : )

Meg Thomas

oh boy

meg is a lil bundle of energy

you'll just be chilling at the campfire, maybe lounging around talking to nancy or jeff, when meg just nyooms in and grabs your hand. you squeak and she just starts zooming away, dragging you along with her.

meg tends to keep her offerings in a secluded place (a hollow tree trunk) because sometimes the other survivors tend to get the offerings mixed up. unfortunately, meg found this specific tree while on a run. she looked like she was having the time of her life, her braids flying behind her. she was fast.

she finally stopped and you could have a well deserved break. but that break was unfortunately cut short, because meg only stopped to pick up a small photo, before she burst back into a run.

when you got back to the campfire, she barely looked phased. you were panting, trying to catch your breath, and she looked relatively calm. she slipped the photo into the fire and then skipped off to the woods with you, to avoid passing out in front of the others.

when you woke up, the both of you were in the ormond resort. the entity had accepted the offer. you didn't even want to ask how she'd gotten the legion to stay out of their realm for you two

neither of you were dressed properly, but like almost everything in the fog, the temperature was fake.

which led to the most obvious situation

snowball fight!

she's so extra with it. she'll build a whole fort while you're pelting her with snowballs, paying no mind to it.

she makes it so big that you could hide in her fort and attack her with snowballs from the inside.

eventually, the girl gets worn out. it takes a while. but she still wants to keep going, so you two make snow angels with connected wings.

after you're both too tired to do anything else, you're pulled back to the campfire, grinning and tired

Claudette Morel

sweet baby. absolute sweetie.

smol lil claudette just pokes you on the arm, gesturing for you to follow her.

of course, you do. don't deny her she's babey

she's taking you down a long homemade path that you've never seen before. maybe because claudette spent hours between trials clearing it out just for this day, and finished it before she came to get you.

Jake Park

he didn't really have big plans for valentines day. dwight reminded him and he kinda just shrugged it off

he probably won't ever have a huge celebration for valentines day, it's not his style. he's a chill guy.

he'll probably sit with you in a clearing near the forest, holding his arm out for the crows to perch on, and showing you how to do that as well

he'll want to just lounge around, comfy day. you wanna get up? nah. comfy day. not today amigo.

consider yourself extremely special if he gives you a bouquet. it's rare, but he might!

the crows will dance around and bob their heads when you cuddle. they don't know what they're doing but let's just say they support your relationship. he totally didn't train them to do that.

he cares, kind of. he knows it's a day to be sappy but again, not really his style. he'll take the opportunity for a bit of affection though.

Nea Karlsson

nea has been planning this for a while, lets say.

every trial that you go in without her is an opportunity! she's been making a detailed mural with the few spray paints she's been allowed by the entity.

she's sure you'll be proud of her. and to top it all off, she finished just in time for valentines day. what a coincidence!

after you get back from a surprisingly laid back trial, you don't get a chance to rest before nea's smiling and telling you to follow her. you complain for a moment, but gave in anyway. you always do

she jumps over a couple logs and puddles, before coming across a couple lone brick walls. they look like nothing at first, but then you walk around to the other side.

nea's smirking as you're in awe, looking at her and then the mural.

"it's beautiful," you whisper, eyes shining. "but not more beautiful than you."

she does a complete double take at the cheesy generic line. she crosses her arms, looking away. but you can see the smile that she was trying to hide. she looked so pretty when she smiled.

Laurie Strode

she'll organize a little something :)

if you can imagine a party room, maybe one similar to one you'd see at a young kids birthday party, that's the kind of thing she'd set up.

it's just a comforting and safe scene, so she thought it'd be best

she collected a lot of offerings for this, please like it : (

she would've baked something but there's no ingredients in the fog besides corn

if you want corn though go for it

it has the vibes of one of those really good cookies from Walmart or something (okay i googled it they're called lofthouse cookies)

in the end she just wants a comfy safe environment,, it's so nice compared to the brutal things that happen in trials

Ace Visconti

do not let this man near flowers or anything of the sort. he'll take a bunch and

so cheesy

he'll take some random thing off the ground that looks cool (like a dandelion or a shiny rock) and say it's a luck charm, and pass it to you.

ace, handing you a flower tied to a funky rock with a piece of grass: happy valentines day :)

he'll set up a whole area beside the campfire for you two and if anyone steps into it he'll kick them out

if he finds a heart shaped rock he'll riot and get nea to spray paint it red. ultimate luck charm. because it's a reminder of him.

Feng Min

small little gamer :)

i'm convinced feng will take you on a romantic trip to taunt killers

myers is tired of it. susie thinks you guys are cute. evan is not having a good time. sally is supporting you. it's chaos

feng is just holding your hand, walking you around the autohaven wreckers. philip is cloaked and is too scared to be hit in the face with a pallet to uncloak.

feng is really short and she's climbing on things to be taller than you, just for the fun of it.

piggy back rides!! she loves piggy back rides. yeehaw

pick her up and carry her around? heart eyes motherfucker

Quentin Smith

aw what a cutie

he forgot about valentines day, but no fear! you didn't

after you guys swim he'll act like he's really tired so that he can rest his head on your lap. you know he's lying cause he keeps silently laughing as if he's a genius sneaky trickster

when you just happily say happy valentines day he's like 😳

he panics

just reassure him it's fine and you did something!

he's still upset about forgetting, but he's quickly distracted by you.

you've found a secluded spot in the woods, the only disturbance being the occasional core popping in to see what's up

you set up a blanket fort. you'd burned quite a few offerings for this. it worked out better than you expected it to, and you were pretty happy with it overall.

you spent as much time there as you could before being pulled into a trial

the time spent together made up for the offerings burned

Kate Denson

both of you set it up together

you stayed at the campfire, nothing crazy

kate played her guitar, and she showed you how to play a song or two (assuming you don't know how to already)

if you want to sing you are welcome to :)

kate will encourage you all the way even if you sound like nails on a chalkboard

she'll make anyone who comments negatively on your voice have a time out. no questions asked. they're older than her? don't care time out.

it's just,, nice and cozy,, and uninterrupted by trials

Jeff Johansen

big cuddly man!

like nea he'll also do something art related!

but it'll still be unique of course

instead of a mural, he'd do a small-ish but still breathtaking painting.

the rest of your day would be spent just chillin. if you're unlucky enough to be ripped into a trial, he'll bring a toolbox to get out as soon as possible. yknow. for more chillin.

Jane Romero

she'd be pretty extra

again, meg would force convince danny to let her use her camera. she'd have a big photoshoot, as best as she can with the limited resources. claudette would set up a scene, and you and jane would pose for the pictures

they turned out really good!

jane keeps them in a secure place and she won't tell you where if you say anything negative about how you looked. not risking it babe!

(phew finally done! i'm super sorry i was a couple survivors short, i didn't wanna burn myself out. if you like it please reblog? i made this in less than 24 hours to surprise you guys. i hope this is a decent special!)

[dyketectivecomics]

Tagged by: @beyondthetemples-ooc

Rules: Choose any three fandoms (in random order) and answer the questions, then tag 10 people you want to know better.

I’m following a lot of fandoms outside DC, but I’ll do the ones I’m mostly invested in atm w/in this fandom to keep it relevant lmao

- ‘03 animated Teen Titans -  Legends of Tomorrow - DC Bombshells

(under a cut bc its not super long but i don't wanna take up y’alls dashes)

First Character you loved: -Raven. it goes without saying really. -oh man, I really loved Captain Cold/Snart & Atom/Ray bc of Flash and Arrow. Can I have two? I’m gonna go with those two. -Is it bad to say Raven again bc of the animated bias? I mean also Wonder Woman but that was bc my useless gay ass fell in love with her pin-ups

The Character you never expected to love so much: -Red X???? he got two eps, maybe what? 6 mins of screen time total and yet HES SO GREAT. SO MUCH POTENTIAL -Heatwave/Mick Rory!!!!! He’s had such wonderful character development and he’s so sweet and hilarious ahhhhh!!!! -ngl i got rlly attached to Stargirl & the sister story for her n Supergirl. I teared up so bad when she died i was NOT ready

Character you relate to the most: -fjdklafjlkf DO I NEED TO SAY IT -uhhh, probably Ray. Bc he’s a heckin nerd who tries to step up when he can but is great at support -mmm not any actually. I think I was moreso along for the ride for Bombshells??

The character you’d slap: - i mean its a 10+ yr old cartoon so I'm kinda over it all, but I’m sure there were some minor things I’d want to slap a character or two over lmao -RIP. bc he kept built this team & kinda fucked off to do the Time Bureau thing which isn't his fault, its the damn writers and the fact that that actor himself is moving onto other projects if I'm remembering right??? - EDDIE FUCKIN NYGMA AGAIN. BOI YOU KEEP FUCKING UP IM TRYING TO LOVE YOU AGAIN.

A character you liked at first but don’t anymore: -Aqualad?? idk i remember rlly loving him when I first watched s1 & s3, yknow when I was like 8 or 9 but just over the years the loves been a little lost. sorry fish boi. ur still cute tho??? -Umm. not any? everyone’s rlly great & no loves been lost yet lmao -again, Bombshells is still p fresh for me, so i just weep for the characters that got brushed aside bc of how quick United had to end :(

Three OTPs: -RobRae/DickRae. It was the FIRST. It was what got me more into fandom in general. Never forget a first ship. altho now I’m multi shipping a whole damn armada of Raven ships ahhh -I didn't do serious ships rlly until this season & SharpeLance stole my whole damn heart yes i like that ship name better fight me - Can I say all the ships? Fine, I’ll narrow it down to MagicBlazer &  Raven/Lois/Kara (the ot3 or any pairings w/in tbh). And ofc HarlIvy my moms!!!

Tagging no one bc 10 is a lot and I don't wanna double tag. ahhh I'm remembering why i stopped doing these things again :/

[defunctblogtobedeleted]

5/7/17, 3:33am - update pt3, just random odds and ends

it was so great to see my fam the other weekend.

Me taven and trusten all have the same hair and we’re like all about the same thickness now it’s weird lol. All jamming out to the new Kendrick, I felt Really in sync with the first time like ever. It was nice. Like even though we’re not the closest we still relate really well? maybe? I guess I don’t get to have too many real conversations.

Shit wait well our hair is a Little different, did I ever wrote that I followed through with getting it dyed? It’s like ‘barely blonde’ kinda gold, it’s super fucking sweet. might go a little lighter sometime this month, but yeah when I visited dar it lightened up so I Must’ve mentioned it. Trusten told me he loved it though so I feel super fucking accomplished. And Roxy did too, actually, and said that I was wearing my hair fine, so that’s fucking spectacular. I’ve literally gotten nothing but compliments lately hahah.

I was heckling trusten about him having a harem of girls smooching on him and he says “yeah sucks that they don’t know that I’m gay” and I responded “I mean I’m biflexible, it’s 2017 yknow” and he says “I mean it’s 2017. Of course.” Trusten’s too good at joking like how I do, I can’t get a real good read on what his actual thoughts are a lot of the time. And Taven, though he’s come miles, still doesn’t conversate the best. I have to drive the conversation and he’s all on board, but seems like he doesn’t know where to take it himself kinda. Though, to be fair, I was avoiding a lot of the little drama kid peeps because I don’t know what the fuck to say to them either. Maybe they feel the same? The only moments I kinda bonded with the new drama kids were where we memed a ‘longest yea boi’ and they were happy I joined in, and when I was congratulating people after the play and talking about random shit. Hunter said I made the one girl’s day just saying that she did great. I guess I just say to people what I’d want people to say to me? One of the seniors was bawling his eyes out for a long time after the play was over, I like hugged him for a bit and told him “don’t worry, you never really leave.” I’m not sure if that was even true. I feel like a totally different person from who I was in high school. I’ve practically gone around the moon and come back. But I think maybe that’s what I’d have wanted to hear? Idk maybe I just gave him shitty advice and people should just move on lol. Who knowsssssssssss I’m sure it didn’t hurt him hahaha.

Been jamming out to a bunch of new music. New sylvan esso finally dropped and it’s hot as expected. New Gorrillaz I’m not super into but the song trusten put on in the car for me I bump a lot lately. 

Found out my “a wise poet once said, other days other ways” might have been a rip off from School of Rock because there’s a line in the play that’s similar. I was hoping trusten was paying a personal homage to me, but ofc that wasn’t it lmao. He fucking kicked that play’s ass though. Everyone struggled on the guitar solos at the climax hahaha, but I wouldn’t have done any better for sure I fucking sucked at guitar when I was his age. His acting was so good, Hunter called him a better jack black than jack black. I think it’s the only play I’ve watched twice in a weekend hahah. 

Holy shit Brianna randomly messaged me, we’re gonna go on a date tomorrow. Everything in my life is going so fucking great, man. It’s like almost ominous lol when I first got to gboro I was like “is this even bad? My life seems like it’s going so well right now wtf.” I mean I have to get recertified and this whole work move is an upheaval for sure, but I guess from playing magic back as a kid I should know that an Upheaval isn’t always a bad thing for me.

sweeeet wish me luck on this date tomorrow I have to successfully wake up before 11 lol and also not blow things with her and also get the basket of clothes out of my back seat so she doesn’t make fun of me again lmfao. 

I guess I should get to work.

OH wait I forgot. So the beginning of this not-posting period I finally wrapped up BOTW. Got almost all the gear maxxed out, got all the shrines, smoked nearly a gram to myself and just played out the final boss and the cut scenes in the end game canon armor I felt sooooo fucking good about it. Everything was like perfect. Let Helena borrow the game after so it needed to be hahah.

Also I wanted to write about my first day in gboro because I thought it was lulzy.

Friday I was supposed to go to a work function/party at Frankie’s fun park at 4pm, so after the regular thursday post tournament safety shenanigans I got to bed at like 4, fell asleep by like 6, felt normal. Maybe it was 8 and I’m lying to myself to cover my ass but who knows. Ended up sleeping all the fucking way through friday until 9pm, woke up to a dead phone in a fucking panic that I was late for the first time in an eternity. Did my classic routine of running screaming through the house terrified that my life was over. Fonzi calmed me the fuck down and told me to just text my boss. I immediately went to default “sorry, i’m sick” text mode and he was just like get the fuck in here so I don’t have to stay. Wasn’t even really mad. Turned out just fine lol.  So I texted Ash that I was actually coming into town, reminded her to be up at 6:30 to let me in and she said she would. I texted her on the way home and she didn’t respond so I already figured she was gonna have a hard time getting up at best. So I get there, she doesn’t respond, I just start chilling on the porch, smoke some cigarettes, call every 15 mins or so. I got out of work late so I got there at 7 and she’s still not up at 10 so I run off to do get a prescription filled and am just mellow as fuck about it. She finally woke up when I came back about 11:30 and bless her fucking heart she had my bed set up and eye covers and sour patch kids and a bowl packed all set out just for me with a little handwritten cutesy note. She gave me a key and told me she loved me and that she was hungover and going back to sleep and we went to bed and I couldn’t imagine a better fucking start to this chapter in my life. 

Every day since has at the worst been alright (there was the day after doing coke where I was suuuuper hungover), but I’ve been getting drunk and chilling with people and meeting new people and having fun and I fucking love all of it. My life is awesome. Super glad I got to switch my days this week so I’d have thursday off so I could bro one last time with the Raleigh gang, too. It’s been real.

Alright I’m out of time, it’s 4:04, I’ve gotta actually do my work now. No promises when I update next, who knows. When my life is going well I don’t feel the urge to ponder things as hard so I don’t sit on the porch wanting to type shit out forever so idk forreal. But I anticipate some more wacky girl hijynx to happen and for me to get back into playing magic the gathering with Ash and Aaron, and everyone’s starting to take bets on when we have a threesome. So far the closest was when Ash was sick dying in bed and I rubbed her back and he made tea for us [read: not a sexy moment at all. But was really cute when Ash started telling me feelings about Aaron] so I doubt that 100% lmao. 

Anyway, I don’t really know what’s gonna happen for once, so I guess we’ll just see lol

[unproduciblesmackdown]

Primez!

hell yeah thankyou!!! [2, 5, 17 been answered]

(3) maple - is there a hobby / skill that you’ve always wanted to try but never did?

i’m that theatre gay who’s never Really been in any theatre production. and there was an archery place like 10 min from where i grew up and i was like “ooh archery how cool” b/c i’m a gay but never tried it

(7) amber - share an unpopular opinion that you may have.

hardly unheard of but i Don’t Like the approach to astrology that ppl have been getting in the past few yrs like. the Joke someone on twitter had that we’re like, on the verge of some astrological discrimination lawsuit……..and idk ppl get like pseudo-christian-style Smug about it like, don’t apply this to everyone??? and it’s just strange to like. tell people what they’re like. or explain their characteristics via this really strange westernized vague concept of astrology rather than like, tell me about the life experiences that affect the way that you are. like it’s almost condescending and ppl are being way too serious about it sometimes in (see: the on the verge of the lawsuit thing lol)…..anyways and i guess some of my Killjoy tendencies make me like, haha i’m the Hater b/c idk i’m real opinionated. but a lot of the times it’s not Really b/c i hate other’s joy or some shit, it’s just crap along the lines of like, “these ideas abt love which are meant to be Very Romantic actually strike me as being the Less ideal interpretation of love between people and the potential therein? and colder? and unhealthier / more unpleasant / not as nice / etc etc etc as my ideas on romance which i guess seem like i’m wanting to just shoot down some Lovely Concepts but i’m like. that doesn’t seem lovely. i’m on the very of launching into another essay abt Isolation Isn’t Romantic and Romance As Very Human And Ordinary And Even Mundane Seems A Lot Better Than The More ~Magical~ Approach and did i mention romance should be the Opposite of isolating and yet it’s so taken for granted sometimes that you’ll know it’s True Love when you [bass boosted DIE FOR EACH OTHER] and stop giving a shit about anyone but this one other person and etccccccccc [me screaming for hours]”

and a lot of times things that i guess are would-be Cute / Charming / Wholesome / Positive / Etc start to grate on me if i have to see it too much and i’ll probably end up hating or resenting it but like, not because i hate happy stuff, but b/c it just like. is like, i like things to be Genuine, and it will just feel like this is Performing genuine…ness………..which i don’t like. b/c it’s being Not genuine to try to appeal on the grounds that it’s genuine? yknow. which also extends into the realm of “i hate this Cute music over this cute animal video. don’t tell me how to feel about it” and when something tries to be Surprising in the realm of like, pseudo-dissonant like. oh this is a cute harmless white girl on the ukulele but she just said “fuck” and “std’s” or some crap!!! whaaaaaat!!!!! like, i hate this actually? can i die

i could give a ted talk just showing vines that make it into plenty of people’s compilations and being like “this is why this vine is Not Funny (Enough)” 

(also i do sometimes hate Having Fun. doge speak was so awful. of Course gop congress adopted it briefly in its original heyday. even now i hate the derivatives. i’m not about to rb something that contains the word birb. can i die)

also i think star wars is boring. i think cargo pants are fun and fine. 

(11) orchard - share one thing that you’d like to happen this autumn.

we get confirmation that any Winston Footage is filmed for billions s5. soph i know that like, fitting in almost 3 hrs of subway travel / going into nj and back / probably having to do all this on a weekend / having like a 5 second window maybe makes it difficult but we all agree it’d make another epic gamer moment if you got to see lihn

(13) bonfire - describe your dream house.

lol being in my teenz in 2008 i haven’t thought about it much tbh. i think i’d like a pretty cozy (smallish) bedroom and just a lot of physical Niches yknow. i like to frequent very specific spots which are not too out in the open. and really everything would be kinda Cozy Smallish but not the kitchen. get some space there, and like, raised counters like for julia child being 6′2″ b/c Standard Height is not comfortable for me either at my tender 5′11″ or 6″ness. and i always think that those sitty spaces that are like, Depressed into the floor are fun. i know there’s a word for that, but whatever. there’s a bunch of very disparate color schemes i’d think i’d like, so like, idk if i’d just go for totally different Aesthetic Approaches from room to room to try to cover all of them lol

(19) pumpkin - do you think that humans are inherently good or bad?

i mean i think it’s more important to recognize that anyone is entirely capable of Doing good or bad, and arguing about what they Truly Are In Their Hearts is beside the point. but i also think the idea that like oooh if Polite Society crumbles enough we’ll all just be roving in bloodthirsty packs, looking to kill each other and loot / probably eat the corpses, etc etc ~dark gritty bold~ apocalyptic material that’s like wow yeah that’s really confronting the Uncomfortable True Nature of society. like, capitalism is already a brutal and inhumane situation to exist in, but it’s not some emergent expression of Human Nature like, oh, life is just like this, empty and alienating and unfulfilling unless you [physical violence b/c it is Genuine], or that people would turn on each other if we were in survival mode, like…..no. survival mode always entails helping others to survive like. yeah not for necessarily Every individual? but that’s just more of anyone’s capacity to Do good or bad. but humans as a species are not solitary, we’re social b/c that’s how we all exist in relation to each other, society is innate to us and not some Luxury that distances us from our True Natures. we communicate with each other and want to work together even beyond helping each other survive and want to connect to each other and total / imposed isolation is Bad for anyone. and i think that love and altruism are Human Nature too. like, it’s weird when it’s treated like some evolutionary mystery why humans (or individuals of other species) would exercise altruism and/or self-destruction (or the risk of it) for the sake of others? like “but it doesn’t make sense b/c for us survival means Passing On Genes, we protect ourselves and our ability to exist and procreate, and we protect those most genetically similar to us, down the line to favoring your most distant cousin over a random stranger,” etc etc What A Mystery Why We Are Altruistic!!! but it’s not?? like? we don’t just see ourselves as individuals and we recognize the self in the other, and that we are all just Arbitrarily the self that we happen to be, and are all The Other to everyone else’s Myself…..and why would humanity not Preserve itself beyond just individuals looking out for just their individual existence? we just like. don’t only prioritize the preservation of our own genetic code. why should it be a less Survivally Successful approach for any individual to look out for any other individual? of Course we give a shit about other randos who don’t have any familial or even any other personal connection to us at all b/c we just care about the survival of other humans. 

anyways! no yeah so i think that Love and Altruism are intrinsic human nature. like creativity and communication. we aren’t like, always doomed to destroy each other b/c That’s Humans For You. denying the humanity in others inherently requires actually just reducing one’s own humanity, yknow??? re: human nature anyways. i know we’re all still technically human regardless of how we act. and that the self-destructive destruction of others is a feature of humanity, but i don’t think it’s one which is Inherent or Inevitable. i.e. the Self-Destruction thing. capitalism is out here threatening everyone’s existence and just so happens to require placing the Wealthy Few above the worth of the lives of all the rest, who are the cheap labor force rather than Just As Human as the richest. anyways. mostly Good! but the point is still that anyone can do Bad regardless so like, who cares if you have some good in your heart, bitch we all do.

(23) ghost - is there someone that you miss having in your life?

still a bit effed up on missing the theoretical concept of an in-person group of people who are consistent in genuinely enjoying / being enthusiastic about time spent with you. one reason it’s theoretical is that i’ve never Really had a whole in-person friend group exaactly. and it’s theoretical b/c idk, it’s not easy for me to feel comfortable Being Myself around others and like, i like being in groups as a rando amongst strangers really easily, but if it’s like, we’re all in a group and talking and stuff, i can just go into [stifled mode] real easily, idk, it’s hard to say whether the times i’ve been Uncomfortable in groups like that is just like, it not being the right people, or that i just will always like smaller groups or just one-on-one or smthing i dunnooooo. either way i get depressed about Wouldn’t It Be Nice though so idk? i guess i would still ideally seek it out. but i also can’t feel like i can actually expect this to happen. on a related note i forgot to mention Briony Atkins as this minor character who is very like me in being someone who is outwardly v withdrawn and quiet and comes across as not speaking b/c she has nothing to say but in reality she’s a passionate and boisterous person who just rarely shows / expresses it around others. i’m out here never talking (and getting the chance to talk aloud and it’s like a mile a minute all at once trying to compensate) and being pretty quiet and people get surprised when i have An Opinion even though i’m super opinionated lol and i just find it really hard to be myself around others unless i’m operating completely on my own and beholden to no one, but even then. anxious