#yknow. because we like to be mean. and the imagery goes hard.

[becauseplot]

The Oldest Story

woe, ordem paranormal au enigma twins angst be upon ye. this is a drabble that came to me as i was falling asleep last night and i've cleaned it up. might still make edits to this throughout the day but who knows. spoilers for my fic Relative, and tw for angst and character death.

qsmp x ordem au created by me and @factorialsotherfandoms. yknow. just for the funnies.

Bagi was born just three minutes before Cellbit. There were three minutes in her life where she existed without him in the world. Even when their parents died and they were separated, she held onto the notion that he was still out there, living, like a good luck charm tucked in her pocket. As she got older and her life smoothed out, she… No, never started to believe him dead, but in the few efforts she made to reach out, to track him down, the paper trails always ran cold. She had waited too long. She had lost her chance. She was forced to accept the fact that she would live the rest of her life with nothing of her twin brother but that good luck charm tucked in her pocket and that quiet sense of reaching in her chest. Besides—she learned that there were plenty of other horrible things in this world that were worth her worry.

The fact that they did find their way back to each other probably should have meant something. She at first thought it cruel (she had already dedicated her life to the Order at this point, she didn’t expect to reach the age of thirty, and now she finds him?) but also kind, in a way: they could try to make something, with the time she had left. 

In the end, though, it was just cruel. He got dragged into this deadly game despite her best efforts. (It was going to happen either way, she knew, but God. God.) They weren’t perfect, and she abandoned him and he abandoned her when they most need each other but they always found their way back, no matter the rift. They always fell back into each other’s orbit, stretching themselves across the caverns, reaching, reaching, fingertips brushing, I’m here, I’m here, twin star, twin stem, twin blood, my twin, I’m here.

…The creature, though killed, has left them both a bloody mess on the floor. Ten feet between them. They crawl. Red trails behind them, sand slipping through the hourglass. Cellbit’s body gives out when he’s just inches from her but Bagi manages to close the distance anyway, grabbing his outstretched arm (reaching... reaching…) and dragging the two of them together. She pulls him into her bloody arms, matching death-rattles in their lungs, and cradles his face. He looks especially thin with how pale he is. He hasn’t been eating enough. Neither of them have. She holds him and looks into his eyes until they’re nothing but balls of glass sitting in his head. His chest has fallen still.

Six minutes. There is a total of six terrible minutes in Bagi’s life where she is without her twin brother. The only mercy granted her is that it is six minutes and not a second more. 

~*~

“Someone has to leave first. This is a very old story. There is no other version of this story.”

– Richard Siken, War of the Foxes

[transgothicgenre]

bleed out liveblogging

training montage: excellent as always. chorus is my favorite part mostly because the imagery of the other verses are discordant for me for some reason, but it still goes hard as fuck

mark on you: i think i actually only listened to this a few times before the album released and originally i only liked the chorus but the song as a whole is incredible. revenge songs my beloved

wage wars get rich die handsome: please release an instrumental/karaoke track of this one it goes so hard. it goes so hard even without the lyrics. i don't think i'm allowed to drive while listening to this one. the abrupt ending is so sexy tbh

extraction point: first new one yippee!!! i like how fast-paced it sounds especially juxtaposed with the calmness of the vocals. every time johnny boy mentions dreams in his lyrics that song gets +1 so this one is doing really great for me so far. loving the chorus. the vocals are quieter than the rest of the album has been so far which is throwing me off a little bit but i can vibe with it

bones don't rust: OH HOH HOH. the lyrics on this one immediately have me going ham. i didn't type anything else i was too busy listening to the song

first blood: reminds me of corsican mastiff stride. it's very upbeat and i'm grooving to it. there are a lot of references to things in this song that i don't understand but that's half of all tmg music so i'll just close my eyes and imagine what they mean and also check genius lyrics in a few days. "we worship nothing in the foxholes" reminds me of a poem! i will find it later

make you suffer: another revenge song let's fucking goooooo. i will have to listen a few times to figure out how to fit the second verse into the rest of the song but i understand on a subconscious level. AW YEAAAH another +1 for mentioning dreams. don't give up on revenge you always need to strive for it!!! adding this to the list of songs i'm not allowed to drive while listening to. oh my god the OUTRO. delicious

guys on every corner: why do you as a man have guys on every corner (original joke by yadriel(c) 2022). that aside the rhyming is really winning for me. big enjoyer of this song. it really reminds me of fight club which is a red flag if anyone else says it but don't worry guys i'm a weirdo. the last verse is decadent fuck yes

hostages: hey why is this one so long. ohhhh man it's good. i know each song in this album is telling the story of a mini action movie and whatnot but i think, excluding the fact that i haven't listened to the last 3 yet, that this one accomplishes that the best for the format. does that make sense? like the story it's telling is best told through a song and the song is the best vessel for telling the story. if i say it reminds me of die hard does bruce willis come out of the vents and kill me

need more bandages: oh DELIGHTFUL. i am already shouting the chorus while driving despite not being in a car at all. this one reminds me of tintin but like. the bad guys from tintin. y'know? i was really into tintin when i was younger. WHEN THE SHOVELS BREAK WE'VE STILL GOT OUR FINGERNAILS!!!!!! once again +1 for the dream. this one also reminds me of mad max fury road oddly enough. you're right mr goats we ARE going to need more bandages

incandescent ruins: i like the chorus. i have to admit i spent the majority of the time listening to this trying to parse the lyrics and their meaning. again this is one that i'll have to listen to a few times and get to know before i have more thoughts about it but it's very pleasant to listen to

bleed out: 30 seconds in and this is already . woagh. wow. he's gonna bleed out yknow? "every story needs a child...end up just like me" these lyrics are fucking insane. AND THE PAPER RUSTLING NOISES RIGHT AFTER? the g in mountain goats stands for genius. okay wow. this is already one of my top favorites from this album . once again it is 7 minutes long but i completely understand why it's 7 minutes long because it literally couldn't be not 7 minutes long. i love how the last song on albums always feels like a sledgehammer to the ribs. the mountain goats truly understand how to do it. the way jd's voice is cracking toward the end of the song is the cherry on top.

album thoughts as a whole: definitely going to convince my coworkers to play this tonight at work. pretty much all of the song titles are great and i'm a big fan. they really slayed!!!

[diagonal-queen]

dia entirely forgot it was thungo thursday until mayoi reminded her and she dropped everything to watch the ep. here are all her thoughts, live-documented, in chronological order (apologies for this):

NOT RANPO CHILLING LIKE SHIT'S SWEET WHEN THE CAR HE WAS IN JUST FUCKING CRASHED LMAOOOOO

ranpo is so small next to minoura. he's so tiny and cute i just wanna cuddle him sm (and yes i am a little taller than him- height means nothing to me. we all know where the rest of his inches went YKNOW WHAT IM SAYIN YA FEEL ME)

'the police of this nation are idiots' yes minoura you're absolutely correct but consider this: the police of every nation on god's green earth are idiots

isn't it amazing how it was written in this magical reality-bending book that nobody would believe in the agency's innocence and in a couple minutes worth of running his mouth, ranpo just...undid it?? for like hundreds of police officers??? the sheer power of this man

god i forgot just how fucking fantastic this intro is. tbh this is probably my favourite intro of all of them. the colours and imagery and the chaos of it all MWAH (also kishow voice mm)

bones. was this panel too hard to animate properly?? did you read the fucking manga bones?? do you HATE US BONES??????

i could listen to ranpo talk for HOURS. literally hours, in a language i don't even speak, about anything he wanted, for hours, and i wouldn't get bored. his voice just...*kicks feet and giggles*

i missed you tecchou <3 please keep cooking for fukuchi. you're doing great sweaty xx

some loser: 'when do you suppose a life ends?' even bigger loser: 'when it becomes unable to adapt to change' fukuchi on his celestia ludenberg arc ok

IT'S BEEN LIKE ONE FUCKING WEEK AND THE UN IS ALREADY MAKING AN ANTI-TERRORIST GROUP??? THEY'RE FULLY READY TO FIND AND EXECUTE THE AGENCY MEMBERS IN UNDER A WEEK?? THE ICC LEGALLY CAN'T EVEN DETAIN CRIMINALS ON THEIR OWN IRL

i wish people reacted to seeing my posts on their dash the same way that the united nations reacted when fukuchi appeared onstage

congressmen will excuse mass shootings of gay ppl and then have shirtless fukuchi posters hanging above their beds where they half-heartedly fuck their wives and go to sleep before the thought of helping her also cum even crosses their mind

wait. *pauses and zooms in*. WAIT. YOU'RE TEL

YOU'RE TELLING ME THAT

TH

THAT ABRAHAM STOKER WAS THICC?????? THAT HE HAD A DUMPY???? THAT HE HAD SOME JUNK IN THAT TRUNK???? ALL THAT ASS INSIDE THOSE JEANS???? CURSE YOU FUKUCHI OUCHI FOR RIDDING THE WORLD OF BRAM'S CAKES

thinking about it, doesn't the decay of angels sound like a really cool name for an operatic metal band??

fukuchi: *enters room* ranpo: YOOOOOO STEPDAD GUESS WHO'S AN ENEMY OF STATE :DDDDDDD

fukuchi really is like 'you havent changed at all, boy' ranpo is literally eight years older than me. if he's a boy i'm primordial soup

fukuchi also said that ranpo's title of 'excellent detective' is self claimed. the thousands of people whose lives ranpo's probably saved must all be like 'say sike rn'

ranpo trusting fukuchi solely because the president said he trusts him. crying screaming throwing up ranpo GIVE ME ONE CHANCE (that's right guys we're back to this again)

fukuchi thinks he's hot shit cus he can jump high?? well my ocs can also do that fukuchi. sucks to be basic huh

IT'S NOT RANPO'S FAULT HE WAS BORN LATER AND THUS MET FUKUZAWA LATER??????? FUCK OFF FUKUCHI (also i love the way they're sitting they're all so silly mwehehehe)

omg ranpo also commented on the 'boy' thing lmaooo he and i are so good for each other <3 if only he'd give me a chance... </3

i wonder what portion of atsushi's budget goes towards emergency ramune. also imagine someone caring enough about you that they always keep one of your favourite snacks on you in case you get hungry or something. that's so cute i can't <3333

imagine coming up with a complex plan, twelve or so years in the making, to end the world, all because u asked ur friend out like thirty years ago and he said no T-T

fukuchi: *tilts neck* *minecraft skelly noise*

oh atsushi. i know other people won't like me saying this but you're so hot and i want to do the sex with you <3333333

wow bones. you've outdone yourself. this has to be the best fisheye yet- maybe even beating lucy's fisheye for how terrifying it is. i'm genuinely speechless

AKUTAGAWA

omg atsushi's speech on how loneliness is his biggest fear and how much he cares about his loved ones (kinnie moment), and the one thing he needs, truly needs right now is someone to fight alongside him to save all that he has to lose and the world as he knows it, and then akutagawa appears? soulmates. i mean it's not even like this is a surprise to me as someone who read the manga but, like, it's different when i'm watching it. soulmates. soulmates soulmates soulmates

and that's a wrap for tonight's edition of dia's thungo thursdays!! be sure to tune in for next week and see them cry tears of hopelessness and despair!!

[death-in-a-handbasket]

Hello I’m the anon who asked about the chapter titles:D and honestly I would love for you to explain the thought behind them cuz they’re so cool too me lol

of course of course ! buckle up because this is going to be long shhsjdn

If the window is over your heart, and it is painted shut, then we are breathing river water

surface level, it’s imagery of the windows he’s sneaking out of, on a deeper level, the fact that it is in reference to the heart and painted shut specifically means that the heart isn’t open/there isn’t emotional vulnerability yet, after all, this is only chapter one. the breathing river water goes hand in hand with this, the current situation is suffocating/drowning, open the damn window LMAO

We know how the light works, we know where the sound is coming from. Verse. Chorus. Verse.

we know how the light works, we know where the sound is coming from = they know that the other exists, they know how acting normally in social situations works (they choose to be weird.) the sound specifically is also in reference to the fact that he could hear the reader under his window again. verse chorus verse = we are supposed to act in routine, this interaction is going to break that. it’s also their back and forth of meeting each other on accident

You said “Don’t be silly,” so I followed you into the store

This one is quite literal. spotting each other on chance and following each other around the bookstore. don’t be silly = the reluctance and the desire to stop acting weird and stop meeting on accident (they very much fail that)

And you play along because it’s funny, because it’s written down

they both decide to “play along” with continuing to know each other and this whole friends with benefits deal because it’s entertaining and why the fuck not sjsjjs. the “because it’s written down” = fourth wall break kinda. because I’m writing it and because I too think it’s funny

Dried leaves on the surface of a pool— You could drown in those eyes, I said

for one his eyes are utterly hypnotic, two the dried leaves = autumnal colors which give his vibes and this is also supposed to happen in autumn. drowning in those eyes = kinda drowning in horniness, getting immersed in the thought of him, the reader is getting up to some spicy shenanigans lost in thought of him yknow yknow 😏

Knocked hard enough to make the record skip and change its music

well for one the “knocked hard” bit is kind of a euphemism in this context, I mean. there is in fact fucking on this man’s desk HSGSGGD,, the making the record skip and the changing of the music is in reference to the reader kinda moving the deal from just a sexual thing to also have that friends aspect, they change the music of the relationship

In the dream I don’t tell anyone, I’m afraid to wake you up

They don’t tell each other about what they think of each other, they don’t want to shake this interaction out of the blissful ignorance, the reader is scared to know if he doesn’t like them and he doesn’t want to tell the reader about his job and ability, they don’t want to ruin the dynamic

Sure, it’s good to feel things, and if it hurts, we’re doing it to ourselves

In terms of feeling things, this is one of the first interactions between them that gets a little bit deeper, and the reader likes that they’ve gotten to know more, the fact that it hurts is their own fault— the reader for overthinking and him for being closed off

[mint-sm]

LOS CAMPESINOS! REVIEW/ANALYSIS: Romance is Boring

Let’s talk about a word for a minute: Tryhard.

In an (at the time of writing at least) mildly recent interview with Noisey on the subject of this album, lead guitarist Tom Campesinos! (Tom Bromley) described “Romance is Boring” as “probably the most self-conscious record, and it's probably the most try-hard record as well,” describing it as a reaction to that whole “twee” and “pop” label they were most popularly recognized with from “Hold on Now, Youngster…”, and even after the release of “We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed.”

Like I said on my reviews of both albums, I feel that “Youngster” was an excellent release if only for the sound it ended up with, and not necessarily the band’s initial visions, which would then be addressed and accentuated in “Doomed,” which more clearly defined the groundwork that the band wanted to pursue underneath the indie pop exterior roof formed with “Youngster.” With this album, “Romance is Boring,” they definitely wanted to challenge that idea even further; become more experimental, create much more blaring, aggressive songs in unusual time signatures and beats, with more complex and detailed production alongside Gareth’s self-deprecatingly bitter, but intricate and atmospheric lyricism. In other words, “Romance is Boring” was a self-imposed challenge, and if they wanted to be “try-hard,” they succeeded.

At the same time though, Tom seemed to be somewhat disappointed about what the band would make in the future in comparison to this album, saying “I would never make songs like that again, at the moment I'm not in that frame of mind where I would, so when I listen to them I'm like 'shit I can't believe we made this'.” The sad truth about trying really hard to be as fucking wild and complex-sounding is that it might be something you never wanna try again because you might never, ever reach that adrenaline-fueled mindset you were in to originally craft it again in the future, and as we’ll discuss with “Hello Sadness” next time, reality just might hit you hard enough to stray away from that.

It’s a shame, but as an artist who often gets fatigued of just trying to work on a passion project for years that burns out for a while after releasing a thing, I can sympathize a bit. Creating and experimenting is very tough, and it takes a lot of time, and you will be often be surprised as hell by what you make in the end, but at the same time it can be really straining, only made bearable by sheer passion and emotion (mostly frustration, it sounds like) that, sad to say, can dissipate just like that, and getting it back isn’t something you can just “do.” And “Romance is Boring” is passionate and emotional, and the experimentation clearly did pay off, but was their process something they should be willing to go through again? Well, I don’t know Gareth and the band well-enough to decide for certain, but I’m gonna say… probably not?

CAN WE ALL PLEASE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!?

But anyways, let’s talk about “Romance is Boring” itself. Simply put, as you probably might have inferred from other reviews, “Romance is Boring” is my favorite Los Camp record. They put a lot of fucking effort into this album, likely more than with any other record they’ve ever made, and it shows. It contains basically everything I think the band excels at, and even the parts it doesn’t normally do the absolute best in, they do exceptionally well here. Witty, poetic and dense lyrics, blaring, catchy, and diverse instrumentals, wild and conflicting yet consistent moods, and hauntingly vague but vivid imagery following and exploring complex and dissonant themes and narrative, such as the idea of falling in love, disappointing mental anguish, depression, creepiness, selfishness, bitter sarcasm, and regret, among others. It sounds a lot better than the emo shit it just came off as, honest.

The album is much more narratively flowing than “Youngster” or “Doomed,” and as you might expect from the title, it’s about romance, but not necessarily in a completely despondent way as it also might imply. While an overall theme it provides is one of dissatisfaction and heartbreak, once again, Los Camp’s ability to simultaneously yet fluidly meld together multiple diametrically opposed emotions shines through here.

The second track, “There Are Listed Buildings,” is a very good example of this, because the instrumentation is by far the poppiest and free-flowing track on this album, almost “Youngster”-ey in quality, with these cheery “BAH BAH, BAH BAH, BAH BAH BAH, BADDADA” choruses with what I think is a tuba or trombone, and just a wonderfully-sounding electric guitar riff pre-chorus, it all feels so bright and carnival-ly, and honestly, so are the lyrics, which are playful and strangely optimistic for the band. I think it’s about a like a couple deciding to actually pursue a relationship, with lyrics like “I think I'd do it for love, if it were not for the money / I'll take any scraps that you can give,” which is made honestly kinda cute and sweet-sounding in a sepia-tone, sarcastically hipster kinda way.

I REMEMBER BEING NAKED TO MY WAIST, THOUGH NOT IN WHICH DIRECTION 

[YOU ARE A GLUTTON FOR LOVE, CAN YOU GIVE ME SOME ROMANCE? I'M A GLUTTON FOR SIN]

However, the opposing feeling from this song comes from the exact details and the context in which this song ends up in, because other lyrics seem to reflect more of this idea that the girl is actually really a little too desperate because “You dangle fishing line for crabs, but they're not interested /  I'm your only bite,” which kinda reminds me of that XKCD comic discussing that “nice guy” that at first seems sweet and caring for a lonely girl but is actually disturbingly manipulative and creepy as shit (which some people unfortunately seem to unironically agree with). Plus, as was shown by Los Camp songs before and after, Gareth has simply never believed that “true love” exists, and this budding relationship is uh… yeah, it’s kind of doomed to not end well.

It’s made so much clearer with the song right after it, the title track, and I just love it for how utterly SPITEFUL it is. Whether these characters played by Gareth and Aleks are supposed to be the same throughout the entire album, I don’t know, but this relationship has gotten incredibly bitter and sarcastic, the instrumentation is so fucking blaring and distorted and crashy and violent at times, and the chorus features the band absolutely screaming “YOU'RE POUTING IN YOUR SLEEP, I'M WAKING STILL YAWNING, WE'RE PROVING TO EACH OTHER THAT ROMANCE IS BORING,” it’s so gleefully hateful. I don’t think I’ve heard many tracks of a mutually mentally abusive relationship that sounded this damn cathartic.

WE ARE TWO SHIPS THAT PASS IN THE NIGHT 

YOU AND I, WE ARE NOTHING ALIKE 

I AM A PLEASURE CRUISE, YOU ARE GONE OUT TO TRAWL 

RETURN NETS EMPTY, NOTHING AT ALL

Really, I could go on with these tracks all day and pick apart the little intricacies of each song to dissect how great each one is, because this is probably the absolute densest Los Camp has ever gotten instrumentally and lyrically. There’s so many little moments as to what makes every track work so much, and rarely is it just as straightforward as the title track, but even when it is, the production and poetry just feel so incredibly potent, it’s essentially like instead of listening to a song and being gradually surrounded by atmosphere, “Romance is Boring” fucking clocks you with it.

Just getting out of the way, I think maybe the least experimental track on this album is “Straight in at 101,” because instrumentally, structurally, it really does feel the most straightforward, even with little moments with like a sudden blast of distortion at one point or how it immediately goes from feeling bright and upbeat to somber, then complete silence as Gareth sings about how “the talking heads count down the most heart wrenching breakups of all time / imagine the great sense of waste, the indignity the embarrassment when not a single one of that whole century was mine.”  It, and maybe “A Heat Rash in the Shape of the Show Me State; or, Letters from Me to Charlotte” are probably the most “standard-sounding,” or like baseline to Los Camp, which doesn’t mean they’re bad, but yknow.

I’d still consider it a very strong track because it’s still very consistent, it’s got a very continuous but evolving groove to it, and the lyrics are still jam-packed with wordplay and description that paint just this really fucking selfish, but also really kinda(?) sympathetic narrator, who makes his utter disappointment with what I’m assuming was a one night stand very clear. Los Camp is a very self-aware band and Gareth’s a very self-deprecating writer, but the way he manages to be both really ugly but astoundingly relatable, and also so mean-spirited to a point where you can’t help but really laugh at how much of a shit he is is kind of admirable.

I THINK WE NEED MORE POST-COITAL AND LESS POST-ROCK

FEELS LIKE THE BUILD-UP TAKES FOREVER, BUT YOU NEVER TOUCH MY COCK 

AND WHAT EXACTLY DO YOU MEAN NOW BY, "WHAT CAN YOU EVEN EAT?" 

AND HOW DOES THAT AFFECT HOW I'LL GET OFF THIS EVENING?

Two of the most unusual tracks that I both love from this album are “Plan A” and “I Warned You: Do Not Make an Enemy of Me” (goddamn that title just makes me so giddy for some reason), with “Plan A” being probably the harshest, off-sounding and most punk-like track Los Camp has ever recorded, with its atonal, distorted mashing chords and screaming call/response vocals (it’s so fn weird hearing Aleks sound panicked and frantic, but goddamn I miss her) before suddenly segueing into like this sing-songy, but still distorted and oddly free-flowing, almost twee-like chorus, and “I Warned You” sounding so stilted and awkwardly tense yet cheery with its weird tempo and beat shifts, almost feeling kinda outsider-music-y at times.

BROKE DOWN LAUGHING AND SCREAMING FOR MORE 

BUT IF THIS CHANGED YOUR LIFE, DID YOU HAVE ONE BEFORE?

Another personal favorite track is the intro, “In Medias Res,” which starts off the album just perfectly, starting with like these gentle, but already kinda already compressed and messy acoustic guitar chords before slowly building up into this like surprisingly reverbed, ethereal and charming instrumental, with a backing that almost sounds like it came from like a shoegaze or dark dream pop track, but with like this really, dreamy and cute duet vocals and glockenspiel. It sounds so oddly saddening yet so weirdly uplifting, especially with that little breakdown near the end with all the distortion effects placed against the glockenspiel, keyboards and brass; I’m pretty sure you can hear at some points Gareth screaming some lines, but it’s so blended-in with the instrumental, but it sounds kinda… beautiful.

And the lyrics, oh god, the lyrics. For some reason, the first and last lines just have so much damn atmosphere loaded into something that just feels so… simple. I can’t explain it without the context, but the very first line, “But let’s talk about you for a minute,” just really gets to me for some reason, probably because within this album itself, it just says so damn much about its themes, that while incredibly toxic and awesomely angry at times, can also get really intimate, melancholy, and depressing, especially with the song’s outro lines:

“IF YOU WERE GIVEN THE OPTION OF DYING PAINLESSLY IN PEACE AT FORTY-FIVE, BUT WITH A LOVER AT YOUR SIDE, AFTER A FULL AND HAPPY LIFE, IS THIS SOMETHING THAT WOULD INTEREST YOU? WOULD THIS INTEREST YOU AT ALL?”

Keep in mind, Gareth believes that true love doesn’t exist.

And in a really cruel reality, despite how playful, giddy and sarcastic or self-deprecating it can be dancing around the topic, Los Camp STILL can’t prove to us that heartbreak, however, isn’t anything but incredibly real. The final 3 tracks on this album (not counting the bonus track, “Too Many Flesh Suppers”) perfectly reflect this mindset.

The fan favorite “The Sea is a Good Place to Think About the Future” is simply put Los Camp’s most beautiful, poignant track they’ve ever made (and also one of the most devastating and emo), and it serves as one hell of an emotional climax for the album. While Los Camp hasn’t really been one for imagery and instead prefers mood most of the time, this track is the perfect marriage of the two; everything about it just seems to paint this incredibly vivid mindset about a depressed, suicidal and utterly broken lover (if it’s the same one from “There Are Listed Buildings,” it’s even more so), who I can just imagine is like sitting on the far end of a dock on a very gloomy beach with gray overcast and an sea, maybe like rocking her legs back and forth sitting on the edge with her feet just touching the salt water as she just stares hopelessly out onto the endless horizon. Y’know, happy stuff.

The lyrics on this track are just some of the most utterly concise and madly specific descriptions Gareth’s ever written, with simultaneously pointless yet (ugh I normally hate this word in this context but) deep and precise lyrics, and Gareth’s vocal delivery just slowly escalates to this heartfelt, like pouring-out-his-soul-in-desperation, perfect climax. Everything about this track just works, and it plunges you into this visceral, atmospheric world of gray skies, salty seas and contemplation, where it really does feel like that the sea is a great place to think of the future… or maybe a lack of one.

SHE SAID ONE DAY TO LEAVE HER, SAND UP TO HER SHOULDERS, WAITING FOR THE TIDE

TO DRAG HER TO THE OCEAN, TO ANOTHER SEA'S SHORE, THIS THING HURTS LIKE HELL... 

BUT WHAT DID YOU EXPECT!?

But like I said, Los Camp likes to dance around these sort of maudlin themes, and immediately after one of the bleakest tracks they’ve made, we suddenly get more cheery, upbeat, and snide in “This is a Flag. There is No Wind,” whose first lyrics are literally the band shouting “CAN WE ALL PLEASE JUST CALM THE FUCK DOWN!?”, singing another almost-kinda-sorta indie-twee track about a couple stupidly in love, but we all know that it’s all unhealthy and it’s going to end poorly, right? Like, any song about love that has the chorus “The story of the winter I forgot how to speak, my mind was like a nation's flag but my breeze was too weak / How they dragged me to the hospital saying I had gone deaf / But I heard everything they said, it's just I had no interest,” no matter how crowd-pleasing and roucous and glockenspiel-accompanied it sounds, can’t have a story that ends well, right?

Well, considering how the album ends with “Coda: A Burn Scar in the Shape of the Sooner State,” a much slower, a lot more ethereal-sounding ballad with the lines “Run the water 'til it scalds, you know that I'm listening / Pitter-patter runs the shower, hits the bare porcelain” and “I fall to my knees, my piss-soaked jeans / The first time, the last time, all the times in between”... it’s probably safe to assume yes, it didn’t. Actually, considering “The Sea is a Good Place” and the chillingly repeated outro of “I CAN’T BELIEVE I CHOSE THE MOUNTAINS EVERY TIME YOU CHOSE THE SEA,”  it probably ended VERY horribly. And… that just fucking sucks, you know?

Goddamn, there’s still so many tracks I didn’t cover, but damnit, if I make this any longer, this is gonna just turn into a track-by-track thesis paper, since there’s just so much to talk about. These are basically the major elements I love the most and find the most worth-addressing, but the thing is that this entire album feels worth addressing, because once again, it’s just so damn packed with just about everything I feel makes an album work in my eyes. There’s not a single track that’s not worth analyzing and appreciating, but christ, there are only so many hours in the day! D:

BY NOW IT'S JUST THE THREE OF US

ME, YOUR SHADOW, YOUR ECHO

“Romance is Boring” is just a fantastic album. It manages to contain all of the things I feel an album needs to be heavily engaging, and the fact that most of them came from a band who normally doesn’t do that great in some of those aspects such as actual concrete description or instantly recognizable context makes this feel all the more surprising and welcoming.

And that’s where it all comes down to: it is just really, really engaging. It’s powerful without being overbearing, it’s noisy while being incredibly and consistently precise, it’s descriptive while being pretty accessible, and it’s varied but also manages to maintain a consistent sound Los Camp have finally pinpointed down as that which can be identified as uniquely their own. It plays up the band’s unique strengths just enough that you never feel alienated or feel forced or anything like that, and not only is it as adventurous as the band might ever get, it’s one hell of a fucking adventure. Hail try-hardiness. (5/5)

...So what happens now?

FAVES: “In Medias Res,” “There Are Listed Buildings,” “Romance is Boring,” “We’ve Got Your Back,” “Plan A,” “Straight in at 101,” “Heart Swells/100-1,” “I Just Sighed. I Just Sighed, Just So You Know,” “The Sea is a Good Place to Think About the Future,” “This is a Flag. There is No Wind,” “Coda: A Burn Scar in the Shape of the Sooner State,”