#you can totally see i have bias in my writing and i apologize greatly for that

[wandercr-arc]

SKY’S BIAS LIST.

hiya! so, i don’t know how common these bias lists are anymore, but it’s been quite awhile since i’ve done one. (probably since 2016?? damn.) but i have a lot of amazing people that i follow, and i feel like you all deserve a little recognition. now, one thing that i enjoy doing with these bias lists is to not only point out the blogs i love, but to tell you all why i do. i feel like it makes these bad boys a little more personal, and can hopefully bring a little brightness to someone’s day. so, without further ado, here’s the list: (in no particular order; i’m just going through my following list)   //   under a cut for length. apologies in advance for typos. 

@fromlandtosea   /   @longthoughtlost   ---   RIN. there’s so much i could write here. you’ve been my friend for so long, and have put up with all of my nonsense for so long. i adore laura and every other muse that you write. you bring such a different life and voice to each of your characters, and i admire your ability to come up with unique and intertwined backstories for them. i will always love all of the threads, verses, and headcanons we’ve come up with together. you have absolutely made my time in the fallout community worthwhile, and i feel so very fortunate to call you my friend. (and also that you only show slight disappointment in all the stupid stuff that i do and tell you about lol)   ♥

@betterhealing   /   @sanguinariis   /   @psychotheory   ---    i love every character that you write. you’ve been willing to write with me on all of my blogs pretty much since the day i joined the fallout rpc, and your consistent support has meant the world to me. you clearly put a lot of time, thought, and effort into your characters, and it shows in their multitude of well-developed verses, relationships, and headcanons.

@iinxsearchofxisolde   ---   we haven’t had the chance to interact much, but you and tristan are always a joy to have on my dash. i think that your choice to write a brotherhood outcast is extremely unique and interesting. they’re a faction that was kind of lost in the fray, and i love seeing your headcanons about them and how tristan fits in. he’s also a very intriguing, multi-facted character with a distinct voice, and it’s been great to watch you develop him over the past few years.

@disciplc   ---   lainey !!! we haven’t been friends for very long, but i am so glad we are. i adore all of our discussions about nisha and el, and i appreciate how supportive and kind you always are towards me. i’ve followed your nisha for a long time . . . technically . . . and i’ve always loved how you write her! hell, i always appreciate people stealing side characters from bethesda and making them their own, and you’ve truly done that with her. she’s a perfect mix of danger and softness (emphasis on the danger ;-0). 

@pinkmanipulated   /   @hydrophobiic   ---   victoria, oh my god, we have written together for what feels like ages, and your writing, art, and dedication to your muses never ceases to amaze me. i’ve already mentioned this, but seeing how you write jesse has made me actually want to watch breaking bad, which is something i thought i’d never say. (and i promise i’ll get to giving it a go eventually ;w;) i can tell how much you care about his character and how much effort you’ve put into your characterization, and i love every bit of it. it’s the same amount of pride and dedication you’ve put into all of your muses, canon or oc, and you know for a fact  that i’ll follow and interact with you on whatever blog you choose to write on.

@fictitioussouls   ---   not gonna lie, i enjoy every character you write, original or canon. i’m so glad to see you back and active on the dash again, and that you still have the same love for all of your muses + a bunch of new ones. :’)) you create such unique and detailed backstories for your original characters (emily, diana, and sophia still have my whole heart tbh), and you keep them very consistent. i also enjoy reading the threads you have with rin, and hearing about the headcanons and worlds you guys have built together! overall, i’m very happy to see you on my dash again.

@america-redefined   ---   eliana might hate having enclave blogs on the dash, but i sure don’t! :’) we haven’t interacted (yet), but i’d definitely love to. i think you do an excellent job writing nathan, and capturing the attitude and aura of the enclave with the way you’ve created him. it’s clear that he has a lot going on beneath the surface, and that you’ve put thought into what kind of character you want him to be. i really like the way you’ve brought him into the fallout 4 timeline, too, and how his life changes once he’s no longer with the enclave. (i was scrolling through your blog the other day, and saw the post about all of his goals in the enclave, and then how those all disappear within the institute and might have chuckled a bit at the “mighty have fallen” trope vibes that gave me)

@adxmortem   ---   the amount of development you’ve done for harlan is just wild to me, i’ve got to be honest. you’ve taken him in his very own, unique direction, and i really admire that! (and it also reminds me that we really need a new orleans based fallout, stat.) he has a very strong voice, and you have an incredible grasp on his character. i’ve enjoyed the threads we’ve done together, and i hope we get to write more in the future! i also very much appreciate you for the immense kindness you’ve shown me in the past when it comes to my personal life. that will always mean the world to me.  ♥

@gwinnetts   ---   oh gosh, you are such a fun and prominent addition to my dash! the funny content and interactions you bring to the dash aside, i’m in awe of the amazingly detailed write-ups you post about your muses as well as the fallout lore. like a lot of the people on this list, you are someone who puts in a lot of thought to your muses, and really brings them to life in a distinct manner. i’ve also greatly enjoyed the ooc chats we’ve had!!

@shellheadtm   ---   we haven’t had many chances to interact, but i think your portrayal of tony is top notch. you capture his voice perfectly, and like gwinnetts above, always bring funny conversations / interactions to the dash, and i think that just makes it a brighter place for everyone! you’re an insanely talented writer, and your expansion of tony’s characterization and verses is fantastic.

@primeacumen   ---   viv is one of those really amazing, multi-faceted ocs that i would highly recommend anybody follows. we haven’t interacted a ton (mostly because i’m slower than molasses), but, from what i’ve seen of her, she’s wonderful. fandomless ocs often don’t get the love they deserve, so i want you to know that i see you and viv, and i am here supporting you 100%. people take for granted the amount of work that goes into building an oc for multiple verses, and it’s obvious you’ve done that work for her.

@not-completely-human   ---   i honestly knew nothing about alita when i first followed your blog; i just knew that you were a friendly and lovely person who i was willing to write with, and so here i am! i enjoy all of our threads together (and i will def enjoy the ones that my slow self needs to write starters for lol). i enjoy how you write alita, and the enthusiasm that you have for her. your writing has a nice flow, is easy to read, and i love all the little details and background you fit into it. and, you, of course, are such a nice person to talk to, and i’m very glad we follow each other!

@remnantrecruit   ---   another enclave oc for eliana to despise and me to love! we haven’t written together in awhile (which we should totally try and change soon :’0), but i enjoy seeing abner on my dashboard as much as i did when we first followed each other! enclave ocs are so rare as it is, but abner really stands out as a character even without that. his background is so sad but good. i also just appreciate your interaction with my posts, irl and character related. (your comment on my post when i was anxious about doing something dumb when i was driving still means a lot to me. it’s always nice to be reminded that we’re all human and capable of doing stupid things with two ton moving contraptions.)

@persistentflower   ---   what is there to say except i love violet ,,,, neutral karma lone wanderers are pretty rare in my experience, and i think you do a good job of capturing what it means for violet to be that. she and eliana contrast well, and i love their relationship, and how they support each other, no matter what verse we write in. (and the fact that we’ve essentially created a mini self-contained verse for our muses). i enjoy our chats ooc, too, and i look forward to us writing and interacting more !!

@miss-moreno   ---   we haven’t gotten to flesh out kay and eliana’s friendship, yet, but i see so much potential for them in what we’ve got going so far. kay has the sort of spirit that eliana loves, and i’m so excited to see where our threads take the two of them! in general, i like how you write kay, and how her life pre-war seems to haunt her quite a bit, and also how she knows she’s playing double agent for the railroad pretty early on. 

@ninesis   ---   i’ve seen quite a few portrayals of rk900, but yours is definitely one of my favorites! i like that your nines is very job-oriented, but still soft and sociable and overall just a Good Boy. he comes across as very likeable, and you write him as a consistent and well thought out portrayal!

@intelligentmiinds   ---   i love all of your blogs, but since this is your main atm, this is where you’re getting love. :’)) bailey, i enjoy each of your characterizations. you bring a unique and accurate voice to each one. based on what i’ve seen from your ooc posts lately, i know you’ve been going through some rough times, and i hope you know that you are so important ! and loved ! and even if people are shitty and don’t understand you, you always have people who care about you, too. (and i hope you can get your ferret soon! small animals are the best. i have two bunnies and can vouch for them. :’)) )

@contrariian   ---   i have been lucky enough to interact with two of your muses so far, but you should know that i adore what i’ve seen of all your muses. you write such a wide array of characters, and each of them has a personality that comes across in how you write them. your writing style is so gorgeous and nice to read, too. 10/10 would interact whenever

@vocaliist   ---   i followed you on your previous blog for magnolia and the one you had for des, and what continues to knock me off my feet about all of your blogs is your style. i always admire people who can write in a way that is somewhat poetic and very pretty without making it impossible to understand, and you do just that. plus, who doesn’t love magnolia?? i look forward to writing with you some more!

@synthesan   ---   i’ve already jumped into your ims to yell about how cute ode is, but here i am again, anyway. we haven’t followed each other for long, but gosh i love what i’ve read from you and ode so far. i’m a sucker for synth ocs, and she’s such a fun one with an amazing backstory. you are also so great to talk to ooc, and i hope we can yell about our muses and videogames more in the future :’))

@synthmama   ---   okay, i can’t lie, your blog is one of those that i admired from afar for a long time because i was a bit intimidated by it. not in a bad way, but in a ‘holy cow this person is an amazing writer and creator’ kinda way. you and quinn have been around for a long time, and you’ve grown her character a lot in that span. it’s so cool to see how you fit her into other universes, and how she interacts with the fallout world. institute sole survivors are also very seldom seen around here, and so i appreciate that quinn took that route, and that you had her do it in a way that doesn’t entirely conflict with her morals. 

@neomacaught   ---   you are absolutely one of the sweetest muns i’ve ever interacted with, tbh. your enthusiasm for threads and the wellbeing of your fellow roleplayers is such a lovely thing to see on my dash!! and neoma is such a cute character. i think she and el’s interactions have just been incredible. i like that she’s a bit awkward, yet very straight-forward, and that she upholds high morals. she fits in with el pretty damn well, and i think they’ll be very good friends!! plus, i can tell that you’ve put a lot of work into neoma purely by taking a peek at your blog; you have so many verses and ideas for her. she definitely deserves a lot of love

@voiceofmany   ---   we haven’t followed each other for very long (or interacted, which is my bad for being slow to talk to people about threads lol), but i wanted to mention you on here, regardless. i honestly am not familiar with a whole lot of your muses, but the way you right them, and your writing style, tends to draw my eye so much that i often find myself reading through your threads as i scroll the dash. the way you change dialogue to fit your characters is pretty damn great, and it’s always obvious you’re writing for/in a different voice for each of them

@theirsalvation   ---   we also haven’t followed each other for very long, but i enjoy the content that i see from your blog!! you have a wide range of muses that all come across as very different and distinct in the way that they’re written. when i read your reply from josh this morning, i was awed by how well you captured his voice and mannerisms, tbh. so, yeah, i hope we can interact a bit more sometime soon!! B)

[masqueradingwriter]

Beyond Control

🍁 Genre: fluff, angst

🍁 Pairing: Jungkook x OC (Mavi)

🍁 Summary: Sometimes, things don’t go as they are planned; especially when Jungkook planned a birthday party for weeks.

🍁 A/N: A special fluffy and angsty one shot for @localjeontrash with her bias! Happy Birthday, bby! Thank you for having that courage to talk to me months ago when I was still starting out on Tumblr. Your constant shookness and rage complete me every single time. One of my wishes is that someday I get to meet you face-to-face (considering we live in the same country, the probability is high lol). Thank you for being my homegirl whenever I feel so down about myself and with the personal decisions I’ve been making in my life. No matter how busy I get or how much time passes, I’ll never forget you and I hope to check in once in a while. I love you~ ♥️🌸

“Jungkook…”

“Yes, hyung?”

“I’m not sure if this is a good idea…”

“Why not? I just want what’s best for my girl.”

Jeon Jungkook was many things: the golden maknae, the jack of all trades, and the lovable bunny that everyone just couldn’t hate. One could also say that his upbringing was heavily influenced by his members and being exposed to the entertainment industry from a young age.

He’s good at what he does and he knows it. Jungkook loved going beyond expectations and going one step ahead. It was just in his nature to be competitive and when he realized that the greatest rival was himself; he was determined to outdo one record after the other.

All the members stared in fascination as their maknae ran around the living room of Mavi’s apartment throwing tons of silver, white, and pastel pink balloons everywhere. No space on the ceiling was spared from the helium-inflated decoration with different polaroids hung by the string. Every window was covered in different colored post-its with tiny notes written in an elegant handwriting. The tables had fish bowls filled with lit candles as the centerpieces and surrounding it were different kinds of treats to snack on. Roses in the hues of white and light pink littered everywhere with scattered petals on the floor.

If anything, the room looked like it came straight out of Pinterest.

“I can’t believe Jungkook actually did this,” Namjoon said, amused.

“How long did it take him to prepare?” Jin asked while munching on a chocolate bar he grabbed from the treats table.

“Ohh, remember those days where he’d disappear during breaks from practices?” Jimin questioned.

“Yeah?”

“He’d grab that opportunity to order all of these and have them shipped first to our dorm.”

“It was a bitch trying to hide them whenever Mav came over,” Jungkook added as he checked up on the roses; hoping that majority haven’t succumbed to time and exposure.

“How’d you even manage to get a key to her apartment?” Hoseok inquired.

“Swiped it from her bag and made a copy. Making her flustered enough not to notice her surroundings worked wonders for me.” He smirked.

“Oh shit, she’s gonna be here any minute!!!”

“You know, it’ll be faster if we actually help you with all of these. Not that you need anything else to add to what you have now, everything looks great.” Taehyung said.

“Nah, leave him be Tae. He just really wants everything perfect. You know he gets when it comes to perfection.” Yoongi said while casually playing on the upright piano by the corner.

“Hyung, are you seriously working on a new song right now?” Jungkook deadpanned.

“Inspiration is everywhere and opportunity needs to be grabbed whatever happens.”

“Honestly, hyung’s the type where he’d still write music even when the world is falling apart.” Hoseok shrugged; not surprised at what he was doing.

See, the problem here was, Jungkook was so lost in time; he didn’t realize that Mavi was already standing outside of her apartment ready to go inside. But hearing how he was working so hard in making sure everything was so perfect for her made her stop in her tracks and just listen on to her amusement.

After all, she didn’t want everything to go to waste.

It touched her heart greatly that he would push through with this surprise even when she told him that she’d totally understand if he wouldn’t be around for her birthday. He was an idol and schedules always came first.

She just wanted to run inside and tackle him into a hug.

To say that she had a horrible day was an understatement. So going home surrounded by her friends and boyfriend was what she had hoped for.

Until chaos decided to pay a little visit once again.

“OKAY BITCHES, I NEED YOU ALL TO HIDE!!!” Jungkook suddenly screamed.

“YAH! YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO DEGRADE US LIKE THAT!” Jin screamed back in annoyance.

“MY STRESS IS SO REAL OH MY GOD SORRY HYUNG I JUST REALIZED WHAT TIME IT IS SHE COULD SERIOUSLY BE IN THE BUILDING AS OF THIS MOMENT!”

“CALM DOWN, SHE MIGHT BE STUCK IN TRAFFIC OR SOMETHING.” Hoseok joined in.

The screams were then followed by glass shattering. Mavi flinched at the sound. She hoped it wasn’t any of the figurines that her mom gave to her.

“OH SHIT!” Namjoon cried.

“HYUNG! WHAT DID YOU DO?!” Jungkook shrieked in fear.

“Jungkook I’m so sorry I stood up too fast! The chair flew up and hit the table!” Namjoon fiercely apologized; trying to salvage whatever was left.

“That...is a lot of glass…” Yoongi stated in surprise.

“YOU THINK?! OH MAN, THIS IS GONNA TAKE A WHILE TO CLEAN UP. AND THE CASES WEREN’T EVEN MINE IT WAS HERS.”

“ARE YOU SERIOUS?! SHE’S GONNA KILL ME!!!” Namjoon screamed in horror; realizing what Mavi could do to him.

The alarm suddenly beeped rapidly; catching the attention of all the members. Their heads turned to the direction of the kitchen and saw that black smoke started coming out. The balloons and some of the snacks started getting covered by the soot. In a panic, Jungkook ran head-on without hesitation while Yoongi and Hoseok searched frantically for the fire extinguisher. Jimin followed the maknae to make sure he didn’t hurt himself only to be greeted by a small fire coming out of the oven. The adrenaline rush took over Jin as he grabbed the faucet to spray water inside. Taehyung immediately went for the cat and hugged him close to his chest; hoping that he wouldn’t run away.

“WHAT WAS THAT?!” Hoseok shouted while spraying the oven with the foam from the extinguisher after finally getting the hang of it.

Some foam ended up in the furniture when he couldn’t control the nozzle.

“AHH FUCK I FORGOT ABOUT THE CAKE DAMMIT!!!” Jin cried.

“YOU DIDN’T BOTHER TO JUST GET ONE FROM THE STORE?! YOU KNOW HOW YOU GET WHEN YOU MULTI-TASK BEYOND WHAT YOU CAN HANDLE!” Yoongi scolded the maknae.

“HYUNG’S CAKES ARE THE BEST THAT’S WHY I ASKED HIM TO MAKE ME ONE! WHY DO YOU THINK I HAD MORE TIME TO ATTEND THE OTHER THINGS?!” Jungkook defended.

Mavi sighed in exhaustion. Things were too good to be true. She couldn’t believe she was about to enter her apartment all trashed and ready for another cleaning.

Deciding she had enough of this, she turned the knob and entered. The bickering slowed down to a stop and she was greeted by their surprised faces. The atmosphere was a bit tense as she observed the state of her apartment.

“Hm...Could be worse, I guess. At least you didn’t burn my apartment down.”

No words were said and no actions took place from where they were standing. The alarm automatically shut down as soon as the smoke was cleared from the window Namjoon opened. Some post-its came undone and flew away; being carried by the wind.

Jungkook, after realizing what happened, went out of the kitchen and made a beeline to her bedroom. He slammed the door shut and the members looked guilty at the mess they caused.

“Mavi, please understand, it’s not Jungkook’s fault!” Jimin started.

“Yeah, he told us not to interfere and we weren’t careful enough to watch our surroundings. This is all my fault, I caused another chain reaction.” Namjoon apologized in sorrow.

“I mean, to be fair, these are a lot of decorations. I can’t even see the floor I’m stepping on with all of these balloons.” Mavi reasoned while kicking some balloons away from her.

“Still, please know that Jungkook worked so hard on this. He knew that you were gonna be exhausted again on your birthday. He wanted to do something special for you.” Taehyung explained.

“Could you go check up on him? We’ll clean up the mess and try to make it decent again. We’re worried he might be beating himself up over this.” Yoongi asked as he picked up some cleaning supplies.

Mavi nodded her head and proceeded to go to her bedroom. She knocked softly on the door and was responded with a muffled answer of rejection.

“Jungkook, baby, it’s me. Can I come in?” Mavi said softly.

When she didn’t hear any objection, she entered her room and found Jungkook sitting on her bed with his head buried in his hands. She kneeled in front of him and softly uncovered his face. There were tears streaming down his face and his eyes were puffy from the crying. Mavi frowned at what she was seeing.

“Baby, why are you crying?”

“It’s ruined...Everything’s ruined…” He hiccupped.

“It took me weeks to get everything ready for tonight and it literally just went up in flames! I wanted to surprise you with a small party with just the hyungs and us two. Looks like we can’t do that anymore…I don’t even know when I can do this again for you...” He cried.

Seeing him cry just tore her heart apart. She hated seeing him so devastated.

Mavi stood up and enveloped him in a tight hug; Jungkook’s arms finding their way around her waist and buried his face in her stomach. She could feel her shirt getting wet with his tears.

It took him quite some time until he calmed down. Mavi found herself lying on top of Jungkook; one of his hands holding hers and the other playing her hair. She could hear how his heart was beating a little faster than normal.

They could hear Yoongi playing the piano again with different renditions of their songs as their background music and how the other members were discussing doing some housework for the affected areas.

Jungkook tiredly sighed and wrapped his arms once again around her waist. He buried his face in her hair; giving her tiny kisses. She smiled at the affection that she was receiving.

“Hey, Mav…” He whispered.

“Yeah?”

“You know what I love about you?”

She tilted his head up a bit at his question.

“What?”

“I love how you know how to turn any situation around. I love how your actions and words instantly get a reaction out of me. I love how you look at things in a different perspective. I love how you’re so caring and so soft for me. I love how you’re so patient and understanding with my career choices. I love how you keep telling me that everything will be okay. I love how you still chose to stay even when things get so difficult between the two of us. These are just some of the several reasons why I love you but if someone asked me for one reason...”

He turned her body around so that they could face each other. He let their noses touch as he stared deeply into her eyes with love that she never saw before. His hands found themselves running up and down the curve of her body as their legs entangled with one another.

“...it would have to be: I love her because she loved me even on my worst days and through the mistakes I made. It takes a genuinely kind-hearted person to stay even when he fucks up so much.”

Mavi softly smiled at the sweet words he was throwing at her and rewarded him with a kiss. He broke it off after a few seconds as she rested her head on top of her hands while staring at him.

“Jungkook...listen, you didn’t fuck up okay? I saw the effort, time, and love you placed in decorating my apartment like that. I saw how much your hyungs were sorry for what happened. I saw how much you cared about making it as perfect as possible. I truly appreciate what you’ve done to show me an awesome birthday party. So don’t feel bad anymore, okay? I love you and I love what you did; even if it didn’t end up the way you thought it would.” She reassured.

“I really don’t deserve you…I love you too….” He said; gripping her waist.

“So, with that being said, I know you have a backup plan. What is it?” She said while smiling.

Jungkook reciprocated the smile.

“Well, I was hoping that after the guys leave or get knocked out by the alcohol I got them, we’d drive off to the countryside where there’s no civilization using the black truck I borrowed from the company. I’d park in an open space and turn the back of the truck into a fortress of our own; lying down under the night sky, stargazing, drinking chardonnay, and talk about the memories we’ve created together throughout the years.” He reiterated.

Mavi’s eyes shone with excitement and she started peppering him with kisses. Jungkook laughed and ruffled her hair.

“I’m guessing you like that idea?”

“It’s so perfect, Jungkook.”

“Good because I already have the truck ready and we could just sneak out.”

She looked at him in shock.

“Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Tonight’s a perfect night to escape.”

“What about your hyungs?”

“They’ll get drunk and pass out on your floor with no idea of where we are. Jin hyung knows where the alcohol is.”

Jungkook sat down; dragging her with him in an upright position.

“Well, what do you say? Up for a little adventure on the night of your birthday with me?” He smirked.

“You’re so mischievous and I love it. Let’s do it!”

Jungkook and Mavi sealed their rendezvous with one passionate kiss and went running out of the apartment; leaving the members to wonder where they were going.

Except for one who sighed in disbelief and started pouring shots.

[rustytheshackleford]

Dear dad 👀👀👀

Hoo boy. This is gonna be fun. Buckle up, buckaroos. It’s about to get personal, so read on if you want to see me spill a ton of stuff about my family and junk.

Dear Dad,

I have a lot of things to say to you, and a lot of complicated feelings to express. I guess the first things I can express to you is the fact that I want nothing more in my life than for everybody in our house to be happy and to get along with each other and to not feel like I have to eventually pick a side.

For the last six-ish years that Dylan, Jessica, and I have been in college and you, in debatably poor timing, decided to retire, the relationship you have had with the three of us has changed, and each relationship you have had between each of us seemed to fluctuate depending on whether or not we fit your ideas of how “grown-ups” should act and think, which might just be how we take your “criticisms” and how obedient we are.

Our relationship was never really strong to begin with, to be fair. You had to work graveyard shifts during the formative years of our lives. At least you and I have always had football to fall back on, and at least the whole family had some time to play Super Mario Bros. as well. Those are some very happy memories that I greatly cherish.

I get it, Dad. I really do. You want to make up for lost time. You want to be in our lives, and you think that Mom raised us poorly, so you want to fix us because we didn’t come out perfect like Eric and Jaclyn. The only problem here is that it’s a little late to playing parent. We are 24 now, and we already have enough on our plates. We kind of have to figure stuff out on our own. I think a compromise can be made here: maybe tone it down with all of the advice, and maybe try to work on your tone, and I feel like we’ll be more willing to listen to you. 

Everything you say to us has this condescending tone. It’s a tone of voice that’s filled with the regret of the three of us being born. It’s a tone that reads that we are just inconveniences to you, and we’re just out to ruin your life, and your life specifically. 

Obviously, that’s not true at all. We’re trying our best to do well. We really are. I’ll admit, there are things that Mom could have done differently when she was raising us, but I still think she did the best job she could do given the situation at hand. The situation wasn’t going to be perfect. It was going to be different. I think you sometimes forget that we’re not just a small group of children, we are three INDIVIDUALS that all need the same amount of attention, affection, and guidance. It’s ridiculous to ask Mom to provide all of that for all three of us, and I’ve accepted that, and I believe Dylan and Jessica have as well. I just wish you would be more patient with us.

I’m not trying to say that the three of us are totally immune to criticism and can do no wrong. That’s not the case. We’re not perfect. We’re not normal. There’s really no way we could be. I know that we all have a lot of work to do, and I know we’re all working so hard to move onto the next stage in our lives. 

Another thing I’ll say is that your granddaughter and soon-to-be grandson are not your children. You should have as little to do with their lives as I do as their uncle. I know you really want to help Dylan out, and I know your relationship with him has definitely been the most rocky the past few years. You of all people should know that parents want to raise their kids the way they want to, and I think my advice from before rings true here as well: be patient with him and how he is raising his child. He has even more going on in his life than I can imagine, and I really hope that one day you two can reach a compromise and mend your relationship. I don’t know everything about the issues you two are having. I don’t really want to know, quite frankly. It just breaks my heart to see my family, OUR family having such a nasty conflict. To reiterate, I really don’t want to feel like I have to pick a side. I just want everyone to be happy.

And please, please, please, please, please stop with the blatant favoritism. I can see what you’re doing, and I really don’t like it. I don’t like being the “favorite (who knows how long that will last?),” and I can see the writing on the walls for how overtly favoring you will treat Jaclyn’s son when he is born. I don’t believe you are aware, and I’m sure you aren’t, but favoritism is a form of child abuse. It really feels like you’re trying to pit the three of us against each other, and you want the ones that aren’t doing what you say to feel bad for not heeding your gospel. Even if you don’t really feel like I’m the “favorite” and you’re just joking, it’s still not funny to joke about that kind of stuff. You’re supposed to be our father. You’re supposed to love all of your children equally and without bias to the best of your ability. As your children, we take that stuff seriously, and it doesn’t help that you treat each of us so blatantly different. 

Please be patient, and please don’t make Mom feel bad for how we turned out. I’m sure she deals with that a lot as is. I think we didn’t turn out so bad, honestly. Maybe what the three of us need is to just move out. I think just being around each other for so long is wearing on all of us. We just need space. 

Despite everything, every hurtful thing you’ve said to me, Mom, Dylan, and Jessica, every day you spend rotting away in your chair instead of trying to do something productive with your time, every irritating thing you’ve ever done, I still love you. I really do. Despite your flaws, your alcoholism, your narcissism, your stubborn old ways, I still love you. I hope you can realize that you have things to learn and improve on as well, and I would like to think that there is a good man inside of you, and I hope you can prove me right one day. For now, I think we all just need some space. I hope this letter makes sense to you, and I’m not just “saying things you don’t like.” I want to help you be better. I want to like you, I want to be proud to call you my father, but you have just as much work to do as we do.

With love, your son Ryan

P.S. I guess I’m not “unteachable” after all since I’m graduating from college in a few weeks. Suck it. I still think of that sometimes despite the fact that you apologized to me months later.

P.P.S. I hope that I don’t offend anyone that I know personally from this post. I’m just being honest.