#you crash... you drop the ball at the goal line... etc

[buzzdixonwriter]

You Don’t Say

For me, one of the unforeseen benefits of Facebook and other social media is that it gives me a chance to do rough drafts of ideas, assembling my thoughts and getting feedback before committing to more permanent form.

And sometimes, like asteroids colliding in space, two separate ideas / posts slam into one another and either create something new and unexpected, or else shatter themselves and reveal interesting aspects of their nature heretofore hidden from view.

That happened recently with a pair of Facebook posts I made on Dennis Prager and Harlan Ellison.

Let’s get the turd out of our mouth first.

. . .

Dennis Prager is a purveyor of herpetology lubricants admired by many on the right-leaning-nazi side of the spectrum, primarily because he keeps his mouth closed when chewing.  Half of what he says is repackaged self-evident truths of the “Don’t eat the yellow snow” variety, a quarter is opinions that if not startling original are at least not genuinely harmful, and the remain quarter is egregious bullshit for which he deserves a public pants down spanking.

Hmm, what?  Oh, yes; purely metaphorically, of course.

I long since wrote off Prager as a. utterer of inanities, but recently his turdmongering was forced on my attention by someone who posted a link to Prager’s argument that the “left” (i.e., basically anybody who thinks Auschwitz was a Bad Idea) is inflicting harm on both the American body politic and the universe at large by denying people like Prager the right to drop the N-bomb whenever they feel like it.

As some of you no doubt already knew, Prager is a member of what polite bigots used to refer to as “those of the Hebrew persuasion”.

That a person from an ethnicity that historically suffered hatred so vicious and specifically targeted that a special word had to be created for it (“anti-Semitism” because the original word -- “Jew-hatred” -- was too damned ugly even for bigots to use) now has his knickers in a twist because he’s “not allowed” to use the only other word of equal or greater impact -- also coined specifically by oppressors for expressing unrestrained hate and contempt against those oppressed -- is so rich in irony that all I can do is swipe a phrase from Jim Wright over at Stonekettle Station and say Dennis Prager has “all the self-awareness of a dog licking its own asshole in the middle of the street”.

First off, he’s lying: Neither the “left” nor American law prevents him from dropping the N-bomb whenever he feels like it and I invite him to go down to the intersection of Normandie and Florence in South Central and drop it at the top of his lungs for as long as he is able and please make sure to take plenty of video recorders along because I really wanna see what happens next.

Second, why the fuck would you want to say that? Seriously, other than in an evidentiary context (a cop giving testimony in court, a journalist reporting what some bigoted politician says, etc.), who today gains anything from repeating the word other than inflicting unjustified distress on people who have done nothing to deserve it?

(This is the point where a bunch of alt-right trolls are gonna jump up and say “but whatabout all the times when black people say it?” and to those trolls I’m gonna say STFU & STFD; if you can’t grasp the difference in context then you’re too damned stupid to be allowed out in public except at the end of a leash and with a ball gag in your mouth.)

It’s a word specifically created and designed to be used to brutally oppress people who did nothing to deserve that brutal oppression.  Why would anybody outside that group use it except to participate in that brutal oppression?

. . .

Least there sit any in the cheap seats who presume the above rant was targeted at Dennis Prager simply because he was Jewish, guess again, ya yutzes.

Few writers enjoyed as brilliant and as incendiary a career as Harlan Ellison, and I count myself privileged to have been one of his friends.

Ellison, as many of you know, also was Jewish, a damned tough little bastard, singled out for hatred and abuse as the only Jewish child in his backwater Ohio school, growing up with nerves & balls of chromium, a bona fide Army Ranger, and a writer so honest and fearless that when he wrote about juvenile delinquency in the 1950s he did so by infiltrating and joining a street gang to get first hand experience and insight on the kids who ran in that crowd (and as icing on the cake, James Caan played him in the TV version!).

Top that, Dennis.

Harlan’s electric eclectic career features many highpoints, but the one I want to focus on is his brief 4-year run as TV critic for the legendary Los Angeles Free Press (a.k.a. The Freep) from 1968 to 1972.  

What’s interesting is that Harlan did this while at the same time at the height of his demand as a TV writer.

You got any idea how hard it is to make a living while you’re gnawing on the hand that feeds you?

Harlan may have been crazy, but damn it, he was honest.

Back to the issue at hand.

Recently I’ve been re-reading his TV criticism columns, collected in two volumes, The Glass Teat and The Other Glass Teat.

The depressing thing is that all the evil we see today was in place back in those days, and the same smug pious frauds and their dimbulb marks kept congratulating themselves how wonderful they were as things continued to spiral out of control.

Oh, we've had good moments when we made changes that improved the lot of people who'd previously been marginalized, but the core cancer is still there. Harlan was no cock-eyed sentimentalist -- he was often filled with anger and could vent it spectacularly at deserving targets -- but he did have hope that somehow we could keep nudging the ball further towards the goal lines.

The columns make fascinating reading; they are nowhere near as dated as one might suspect. Sometimes they offer diamond-like brilliant dissections of a particular instant in the cultural gestalt, other times they examine the unseen (well, to most audiences, that is) tides of Hollywood that shape our media, sometimes he turns his attention to bear on seemingly insignificant and forgotten local programming only to show with McLuhan-esque clarity how that tiny piece of seemingly insignificant fluff is symptomatic of a much wider, much vaster, and far more serious problem.

One entry caught my eye in particular, the March 7, 1969 column on a failed ABC pilot called Those Were The Days.

Harlan sat in the studio audience watching the taping of that pilot, and his column praised the courage and insight of producers Norman Lear and Bud Yorkin, the brilliant performances of Carroll O’Connor and Jean Stapleton, and the raw honesty of the pilot’s sharp comedy and writing.

Those of you not in the cheap seats have already realized this was the second failed pilot for what would eventually become All In The Family over at CBS (there was an even earlier original pilot called Justice For All back when Archie and Edith’s last name was Justice, not Bunker.)

I remember the hoopla when All In The Family finally aired in January of 1971 as a mid-season replacement.

You might count Archie Bunker as the white Dolemite insofar as the comedy sprang from the shock of all the crude and vulgar things he said.

Lear and Yorkin were mocking that mindset, belittling bigotry, exposing the Babbittry of millions of “good” Americans who lacked either the self-awareness or the courage to take a long introspective look at themselves and realize how badly they were failing as citizens of this country.

Audiences weren’t supposed to like Archie Bunker.

And that’s where Lear and Yorkin made their fatal mistake.

No, audiences didn’t like Archie.

They loved him.

. . .

Asteroids collide, and sometimes they form new planets, and sometimes they shatter and expose what lies beneath.

Prager’s modern day Babbittry crashed into Harlan’s half-century old anti-Babbittry, and from the explosion a stark truth revealed itself.

It’s almost impossible to make an outlaw a villain in popular media.

No matter how many banks they rob, stages they hold up, sheriffs they shoot, the mere fact that somebody wrote a song / dime novel / movie about ‘em makes them into heroes.

Demi-gods.

People to be admired.

Emulated.

Professional wrestling knows this.

You can never be so big a heel that you won’t have a legion of followers.

And you can turn a heel into a baby face in the blink of an eye and none of the fans will remember the despicable acts the wrassler did just last week.

You put an Archie Bunker on TV, you do not get millions of people to recognize themselves in his hateful / hurtful behavior and change their ways.

Oh, hell no; you get millions of people to applaud him for saying and doing what they say and do in private.

And now that it’s all big and bold and brassy on TV, why it becomes even easier to say it in the privacy of your own home, then over the fence with the neighbors, then in the bar down the street, then on the street itself, and then against people who have done you no harm, who have committed no sin other than the heinous crime of not being exactly like you.

I remember watching and liking All In The Family when it first came on because I, like millions of other Americans, got the joke:  Archie was no hero.

But it wasn’t long before the voices cheering Archie began to drown out the voices laughing at him.

Lear and Yorkin tried undoing their damage with Maude and The Jeffersons and Good Times and other spinoff shows, but the bigot was out of the bottle.

Archie Bunker, even though written in a way to ridicule his use of bigotry and stereotypes, became a champion and defender of those who clung to said bigotry and stereotypes.

So tell me again why you want to drop that N-bomb, Dennis.

Explain to me -- even while you talk out of both sides of your mouth and claim even if everybody can use they word maybe they shouldn’t use the word -- how that does anything to help anybody…

…other than bigots and hate mongers.

Your argument is as circular as the thumb and forefinger gesture white supremacists use to signal one another, a gesture deliberately chosen because it lets them transgress openly by lying about the truth meaning of their gesture.

And Harlan, you were right about Those Were The Days as it began evolving into All In The Family.  Absolutely brilliant -- but absolutely deadly.

Not airing All In The Family wouldn’t have eliminated racial / ethnic / sexual prejudice in the United States…

…but it would have denied those ideas a voice.

The narcissist always proclaims, “I don’t care what they say about me so long as they spell my name right.”

Well, that’s what we got with Archie Bunker.

None of the bigots cared if we made fun of their ideas…

…just so long as they got their ideas out there.

Because ideas are made legitimate by their presence.

Now clearly, this is a bade that cuts both ways.

Ideas once unthinkable -- liberty and justice for all in the form of racial and gender equality, f’r instance -- need to be championed in public.

But we need to shout down and stamp out the bad ideas.

The United States took their foot off the neck of the defeated white racists after the end of the Civil War, and as a result jim crow came roaring back, and things did not change for millions of Americans for another entire century.

We allowed bigots and hate mongers and slavers to be whitewashed and glorified and forgiven for their crimes against humanity…

…and in the process we allowed them to continue victimizing African-Americans more and more.

Every song about the Ol’ South, every novel glorifying plantation life, every movie showing happy field hands, every statue commemorating murderous traitors as men of honor and principle, every single iteration of that idea made millions of people’s suffering not just possible but inevitable.

. . .

Now this is the point where the alt-right trolls are gonna jump up and ask “did you ever drop the N-word?”

Not in casual conversation, no.

I was born and raised in the South (Appalachia, mostly); my father’s side of the family were almost all Southerners.

Almost all.

My paternal grandmother was born and raised in New Jersey and met my grandfather when both served in the U.S. Army medical corps in WWI.  When my grandfather died in his 40s, my grandmother originally moved back to New Jersey, but her three children (dad and two aunts) felt heartbroken at having to leave their Southern cousins and friends behind so even though she carried no particular love for the South, my grandmother moved her family back and stayed there for the most of her life (she and one of my aunts moved out to California to be near us, but that’s another story for another post).

One thing my grandmother absolutely refused to tolerate was use of the N-bomb anywhere near her, especially under her roof or in the homes of her children.

This included both the -er and -ra variants, because Southern racists who didn’t want to appear as uncultured and as boorish and as bigoted as their backwoods cousins preferred the second pronunciation because they could claim they were actually speaking respectfully about “colored people”.

So I grew up in the rare white Southern home where the N-bomb merely wasn’t used, it was actually denounced as wrong.

Now, don’t go thinking my grandmother was some great paragon of virtue; she wasn’t (she was hell on wheels, in fact, but that’s another story for another post).

But she did recognize there was something wrong with the use of the N-bomb, and whether she demanded her children never use it in any form to keep them from appearing to be boorish, bigoted louts, or whether she just thought it was simple good manners of the golden rule variety not to use it, I dunno.

But I do know we never used it, and when my parents heard our neighbors or schoolmates use it, we were reminded in no uncertain terms that we were never to use it.

But that doesn’t mean I haven’t used it.

A couple of decades ago I wrote a screenplay based on the life of Robert Smalls, in particular his incredible escape from Civil War Charleston by hijacking a Confederate gunboat and sailing it right past Ft. Sumter to join the Union fleet, bringing his wife and several other escaping African-Americans with him.

As a skilled harbor pilot, Smalls enjoyed certain privileges other enslaved African-Americans didn’t.

For example, he was allowed to go about the streets of Charleston unescorted…

…provided he wore a big diamond shaped brass tag around his neck.

Like a dog.

The tag indicated to slave catcher patrols that he was one of the “good” ones, that he could be trusted because he was helping his masters in their struggle against the Union by guiding blockade runners into the safety of Charleston harbor.

But knowing Southerners the way I do, and knowing the kind of low class good ol’ boy types they recruited for such jobs, I couldn’t imagine the slave catcher patrols being particularly courteous to him, even when they knew they had to let him pass because clearly he had the protection of some high positioned muckamuck.  

And I could easily imagine them flinging the N-bomb at him with great glee, taunting him, daring him to act “uppity” so they could beat the crap out of him and teach him some manners and remind him of his place.

So I used the word in their dialog in my script.

Would I use that word today?

Probably not.

It’s not that crucial to the story, and if the viewer doesn’t grasp the concept that these are bigoted bully scum from their actions and attitude, then I’ve failed my job as a writer.

Have I ever quoted people who dropped the N-bomb?

Yeah, I have, in the past.

I’ve quoted Richard Pryor and Blazing Saddles and Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction.

I would excuse it then as the aforementioned evidentiary context but ya know what?  I don’t quote those lines anymore.

I still think Pryor is hilarious and will recommend his routines to anyone I think might be interested, but he as a member of the African-American community at large (because like any other ethnic group, African-Americans have numerous sub-cultures and sub-communities among them), he could say things in a way neither I nor any other white person could say them.

(And, yeah, there’s a big debate going on to this very day among African-Americans about the appropriateness of that word and you know what?  Whatever decision African-Americans reach for themselves is their business and should not involve any input whatsoever from we white folk; we not only can’t use the word, we can’t even comment on how they choose to use it.  Period.  Full stop.)

Blazing Saddles when it came out used the N-bomb to be deliberately transgressive, to make a sympathetic point re how unfairly African-Americans were treated.

All well and good.

But nine years earlier there had been a movie called A Patch Of Blue and while it wasn’t a raucous comedy like Blazing Saddles it tried making a point about race relations in America and it was a really. Really good movie and it made some important points but today is virtually unwatchable not because of any flaws in it but because the times have changed.

Ditto Blazing Saddles.

We don’t need to approach the problem that way any more.

Quentin Tarantino?  I really like what he does as a director and a screenwriter but his use of the N-bomb to show us how transgressive his characters are is really shallow.  I have a strong feeling his movies are going to be considered embarrassingly passé’ in a generation or two, much the same way as benign-yet-stereotypical characters in 1940s movies render many of them passé’ today.  

Reservoir Dogs and Pulp Fiction lose nothing by changing the N-word to something else.  

Maybe an argument could be made for its use in Django Unchained or The Hateful 8 but even there I think substituting another word wouldn’t significantly change the tenor or tone of either movie.

So I stop quoting those lines from Tarantino’s films, at least not fully.

I can admire his skill / talent / craft without signing off on his problematic elements.

Let me offer an analogy: If a creator can get the same dramatic effect by pretending to shoot somebody but not actually blasting them with a gun, then they can get the same dramatic effect by using something evocative of the N-bomb without actually dropping it.

(By the way, for those who may be curious, my mother was from Naples and a bona fide card carrying member of Mussolini’s Fascist Youth Brigade, but that’s another story for another post.)

. . .

We are plunging into a new cultural conflict -- and while I think there will be violence, I don’t see it being violence on the scale or level of political organization as the Civil War -- and we can only win by refusing to let the bigots and the hate mongers spew their bullshit in the marketplace of ideas.

There is no compromise with an oppressor.

Stand up to it every time you encounter it.

Make it unthinkable, never acceptable. 

  © Buzz Dixon

[theantisocialcritic]

Archive Project - February 7, 2014 - Avengers Lineup

2012's Avengers movie is too easily forgotten as a miracle of modern film. What was once considered a film that could and wouldn't ever work, with a lot working against it, managed to become one of the best movies of the early 21st century. This is due largely to the miracle casting of Joss Whedon as director. Prior to selling his soul… I mean future career prospects to Marvel/Disney, he gained extreme nerd credibility for his work on Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Firefly, Dr. Horrible's Sing Along Blog and Cabin in the Woods (which premiered around the same time as Avengers). Joss Whedon's strength as a director has always been inter-character dynamics. By that I mean, he is able to establish a large cast of characters with differing personalities that all interact with each other differently in fascinating ways. This, I imagine, was largely why he was chosen for The Avengers. His touch really does show through as we see certain characters get along and bicker. For example, Tony Stark immediately gets along with Bruce Banner, but clashes with Steve Rogers. Ultimately though, I will admit that The Avenger's as a movie suffers from 1 flaw: an overall lack of depth.  Joss spent all of his time working the movie developing the character's personalities and interactions, but the resulting script was pretty much a standard action movie with little to say about people, life, the universe, etc. This isn't necessarily a bad thing, and it doesn't detract from the movie, but what it does is two things. The first is that is keeps the movie from really standing out as potentially the greatest Superhero and Action movie of all time (though I will say it easily get's second best for me personally). The second is that it makes me really worried for the sequel, 2015's Avengers: Age of Ultron. Joss has stated in interviews that his influences for making this movie are The Empire Strikes Back and The Godfather Part II, which I would take as good signs if that actually was some sort of signifier that the movie's inspiration was other good movies. What he has also seemed to have done is to take nearly every single fan request for a character appearance and stuck them into the script while simultaneously making the story darker and more complex. I'm nervous because the last time I saw a movie that tried this strategy, making the movie darker, more complex, with more characters, and taking inspiration from another great movie (in this case Star Trek II: Wrath of Khan) was the unfortunately complicated misfire that was Star Trek into Darkness. I'm not saying that Joss Whedon is going in a bad direction with Avengers 2 or that he isn't talented at what he does. In fact if there is any director I would trust to make this movie work.. IT IS JOSS WHEDON! I'm just worried too many people out there are already convinced that Avengers Age of Ultron is predestined to become some sort of modern cinematic masterpiece when there is just as good a chance that the whole experiment could fall apart on itself if it makes a severe misfire. Overall though my main fear, as I mentioned briefly before, is the casting. Reading the cast list for this movie on Wikipedia makes me really afraid that Joss Whedon might be a bit over his head here and that he could be biting off more than he can chew. Lets look back of his record so far: Ok.. Firefly: 9 central characters, plus rotating cast of antagonists The characters had great dynamics and the show had a deep emotional core with a fully realized world. Avengers 1: 10 central characters, plus 1 primary antagonist One of the best Superhero-Action movies ever, kinda weak story but REALLY awesome!!   Avengers 2: 9 Protagonists, 5 antagonists remains to be seen.. So maybe it doesn't sound like that much, but 14 main characters are a lot to throw around, especially when you are balancing multiple bad guys with different goals and story lines. Again, thats not to say it can't work. The first Die Hard movie had 12 villains.   So the question is, how do you balance a two hour movie with fourteen or more characters. My best guess: do it the way they did in the old Star Trek shows: create a diverse cast of personalities but keep the focus primarily on the important figures. In old Star Trek, the stories usually revolved around Captain Kirk, Commander Spock and Dr. "Bones". Yah, characters like Uhara and Scotty got screen time but it wasn't guaranteed in every episode and was less significant than the main trio. If Avengers: Age of Ultron keeps it's focus on the right characters and gives screen time where it is needed then it really could end up something of a great movie! But it's important to approach this cautiously, as this could very easily turn out to be an X-Men: The Last Stand level disaster if the ball is dropped. Or alternatively, it could be a Man of Steel 2… I mean Batman vs… I mean NOT Justice League level screwup. The saving grace here is that we have hope. At the helm of this movie is an incredibly talented group of actors, directors and special effects artists who genuinely care about the material. The Avengers movies are one of those rare little treats where Hollywood figured out that they could make a lot of money by honoring the source materials people care about and making genuinely great, light hearted and fun action movies out of such odd, out there concepts. Who would have thought a movie about The Norse God of Thunder or Ayn Rand in a robot suit would become to most dominating movies out there. What i'm really hoping for is that the huge cast that Joss Whedon is collecting is for a greater purpose for these movies. The fact is, sadly.. these actors aren't going to be around forever. Eventually Chris Hemsworth, Chris Evens, Robert Downey Jr and the rest will get tired of the roles and try to retire the characters. We almost saw this with Downey in Iron Man 3. By making such a huge cast, maybe Joss is preparing for the ugly reality that we will all have to face at some point, that Chris Hemsworth as Thor really isn't immortal. That the invincible Iron Man really isn't. Just looking ahead at Marvel's Phase 3 movies, you can really see this. Marvel/Disney is currently in talks right now for potential movies for Dr. Strange, Black Panther, Ms. Marvel and Blade. Not to mention the Netflix Original Series' coming in 2015 for Luke Cage, Iron Fist, Daredevil and Jessica Jones. Don't take this as cynical. If anything, the untold possibilities with these films has me more excited for them than anything else! I'm not nearly excited for stuff like Star Wars VII or The LEGO Movie as I am for Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Guardians of the Galaxy, Ant-Man and Avengers 2! And in the meantime, I can confidently say that the characters we know and love will be around for quite a while! Thor 3 and Captain America 3 have already been announced! Take from this a sense of cautious optimism. These are the movies we will hand down to our children. Even if things crash and burn from here on out, we still got 8 amazing movies out of this deal! And I can say with confidence, that we will probably have more than 8 of these films to pass on. :) Thank you for reading! Live long and prosper!

[dashiellrobert-parr-blog]

Summary: All about my only sonnnnn :DDD He was actually the quickest one to do!!!!! I honestly didn’t think that I had him that fleshed out at all, but I guess I did haha I love him!!!! <333 

Trigger Warnings: None

ORIGINS & FAMILY:

Name: Dashiell Robert Parr

Nickname: Dash!!!! The only name he gives everybody. He’s in denial that Dashiell is like his actual real name haha

Reason for name: Hahahaha so Dash was a slip and slide delivery, like he came out super quick looooool Because of that, his dad came up with the genius idea of naming his son “Dash,” but Helen thought it was too simple and the pair came up with Dashiell. So there you have it folksss 

Birthday: July 27th, 1999

Age: My little baby is going to be eighteen tomorrowwww!!!! 

Gender: Male

Place of birth: New York City, New York (specifically Brooklyn)

Places lived since: Gawdd this kid has moved EVERYWHERE. His family has like basically been all over the United states until they finally settled down in Swynlake, which is where Dash is currently. 

Parents’ names, backgrounds, occupations: Robert and Helen Parr. Both were famous ex superheroes back in their days: Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl. It was how they met actually, got stuck in a mission together and they hit it off ever since. Right now, however, Helen is a stay at home mom and Robert works in insurance at Interpride. 

Number of siblings: Two that he truly believes is far more than enough. Violet Parr, the oldest and Jack-Jack Parr, the youngest.

Relationship with family (close? estranged?): For as much as Dash is a total shit head to his family, he really does love them a lot!!! He’d do anything for them, especially for his siblings. He will also make it his life mission to be the most annoying ass-hole brother Violet and Jack-Jack could ever have :DD

Happiest memory: That would be the very first day Dash realized he had the ability of speed!! He had ran so fast around the house that unfortunately he didn’t know how to stop and ended up crashing himself against a wall. That lead to a hospital visit shortly after, butttttt it’s still his happiest memory!!!

Childhood trauma: Aside from moving so damn much in his life time, not being able to make long lasting friends or anything because of the moving, having to hide his magic, which is essentially a HUGE part of who Dash is, and not being able to really get into any sports because of having to hide said magic... Dash really didn’t have any childhood trauma. 

Children of his/her own?: None, he’s still a baby!!!!! 

If so, relationship with their mother/father?: N/A

Age he/she gave birth/became a father: N/A

PHYSICAL

Height: 6’ 0”

Weight: 165 lbs

Build: Pretty built, but not like overly crazy built where it’s boarder line unattractive haha

Nationality: American

Disabilities (physical or mental, including mental illnesses): None. I’m sure people would believe that he’s ADHD, but that’s his magic.

Complexion (freckles, acne, skin tone, birth marks): Dash has had acne in his past because you know he’s a teen going through pubertttyyy, but other then that his skin is pretty healthy. 

Distinguishing facial features: Ummmmmm his hair??? He has pretty awesome blonde hair if he does say so himself xD

Hair color: Blonde

Usual hair style: Down haha. Dash doesn’t do his hair beside like pass a hand over it when he wakes up so that it doesn’t look like complete crazy ass bed hair 

Eye color: Dark Brown

Glasses? Contacts?: None

Style of dress/typical outfit(s): Jeans. A huge fan of dark jeans and black ones. For the most part they tend to be ripped and sorta baggy he isn’t into the form fitting style. Sneakers of choice are converse, unless he’s at practice for one of his many sports. T-shirts again he does like his dark colors when it comes to those, but isn’t oppose to white t-shirts. He does like jacketssss so you’ll see those on him often and definitely sweat-shirts!!!!  He owns a ton shit of hoodies. 

Typical style of shoes: Converse!!!!! He likes Vans too. When he’s at practice or at games he usually wears Nikes. He’s just a sneaker boy. 

Health (is this person usually sick? or very resilient?): Very resilient. Dash has a fast metabolism as well as a high stamina and so forth so it’s kind of hard for him to really get sick. Plus, he’s healthy in that he’s super active so he definitely gets his exercise in. 

Grooming (does she/he wear makeup? shower daily? wear only clean clothes? pluck her eyebrows?): Dash is a teen boy! He showers once a day because like who doesn’t? And he does shower after practice and any games. No, he doesn’t wear make-up. If the laundry got done then yeaaahhh he wears clean clothes lmaoo

Jewelry? Tattoos? Piercings?: No piercings, but oh man does he looovveeee tattoos!!!! He got all the ones he has all behind his mother’s back so of course he has been grounded for every single one of them. He has a g-clef that connects into a the symbol for a pulse on his chest where his heart is. He has a sick ass skull on the back of his shoulder, right side. A celtic design on his left forearm, not overtly huge, but it does cover a good portion of it. He would definitely love more!!!! 

Accent?: None.

Unique mannerisms/physical habits (bites nails, talks with hands, taps feet when restless): Dash has restless leg syndrome so when he sits his leg constantly shakes hahaha. He has trouble staying still in general. He’ll tap his hands on surfaces just because he needs something to do, especially when he’s sitting down. He talks with his hands because he always has so much energy on him.

Athletic?: Very athletic!!!!! Oh my gosh Dash is in like a shit ton of sports. Track, basket ball, football, field hockey. Home boy just really LOVESSS his sports. He goes to the gym very often too. He’s probably my most athletic babe.

INTELLECT

Level of education (high school drop out, undergrad BA/BS, PhD, MD, etc.): Currently in high school and still going.   

Level of self esteem: So freaking high!!!! Dash has a large ego to him and can be such a cocky shit head!!!! In the end he does always mean well and has a pure heart, buttttt he’s still a shit head. 

Gifts/talents: My son can play the guitar!!!!!! He knows both acoustic and electric, prefers electric. Helen had to find something, when he wasn’t allowed to do sports, to keep her son occupied and the guitar was the only thing that actually worked out for Dash.

Shortcomings: Hahaha where do I start?!?! Homeboy can’t STAY STILL!!!! He needs to constantly be moving. He thinks way too fast!!! His brain jumps from topic to topic to topic (his magic’s fault). He’s a cocky shit-head. He can be annoying as fuck, especially to his siblings. He can also be kind of obnoxious and could get loud too. He’s so precious though I do love him!!! <3

Style of speech (loud, mumbler, articulate, etc.): Loudddddd. He talks pretty fast too. He honestly can’t help himself it’s part of his magic he’s trying to work through.

“Left brain” or “right brain” thinker?: Right brain. Hahaha Dash being sequential and logical funnnyyyyy

Artistic?: Yesss, well musically anyways. 

Mathematical?: Nope, he’s struggling in his math class haha

Languages? Good ole American English.

Makes decisions based mostly on emotions, or on logic?: Emotions. Emotions all the way as he’s an impulsive little shit

Neuroses: None

Life philosophy: He’s young still figuring that out, besides the fact that “Life’s awesome because I’m awesome!” hahahaha

Religious stance: He doesn’t have a particular stand

Cautious or daring?: Daring!!!!! He’s so fucking impulsive he is the jump first think WAAAAYYYYYYY later

Optimist or pessimist?: Optimist :DD

Extrovert or introvert?: Extrovert!!!!!!

Level of comfort with technology: Very comfortable!!! He’s a fucking awesome speed texter!!!

RELATIONSHIPS

Current marital/relationship status: Taken

Sexual orientation: He’s a teen whatever he is now can changgee. I don’t even remember what I had him originally hahaha

Past relationships: Since Dash moved so FREAKING MUCHHH he really never had a chance to like get into a lasting relationship. Actually, Ariel is the longest thing to a relationship he has had thus farrr

A social person? (popular, loner, some close friends, makes friends and then quickly drops them): Dash talks to the whole fucking world. He is definitely the popular type. Typical hot school jock, except he isn’t an ass-hole. He doesn’t stand for that kind of shittt

Most comfortable around (person): He lovvvess his friendssss!!!! So he’s comfortable with his whole crew!!!! Kiara, Callie, Ariel, Jake, Bambi. Out of all his friends though he’s the closest to Bambi, because Bambi was the very first friend he made in Swynlake :DDDD (Ariel you’re his girlfriend)

Oldest friend: Probably Bambi haha Bambi is like Dash’s first trueeeeee friend!!!! He wasn’t able to have any of those before because his family was constantly moving!!!!

SECRETS

Life goals: To be a fucking SUPER HERO!!!!!!!!!! He wants to be just as awesome as his parents once were!!! Nah, he wants to be BETTER!!!!! 

Dreams: Pretty much the same as his life goal hahaha

Greatest fears: That he’ll have to go back to when he was suppressing his magic. His magic is such a HUGE part of who Dash is and now that he’s able to openly express that side of himself he can’t ever see himself going back to where he couldn’t

Most ashamed of: He’s a teenage boy with a huge ego, he currently can’t think of something that he’s really ashamed of xD

Compulsions: Dash can’t fucking sit still!!!!!! There is no way he can actually pull through a compulsion

Obsessions: Pizza!!!!!! Dash fucking LOVESSS pizza.

Secret hobbies: He skate boards, not really top secret and Jack-Jack is ten times better at it then Dash is. He’s in a shit ton of sports, again not really secret, but Dash is pretty much an open book soooo

Secret skills: Uhhhh he can play guitar??? And he can singggg other than that that are both not even secret really, that’s it

Crimes committed (and was he/she caught? charged?): None.

What he/she most wants to change about his/her current life: Right now, life is pretty good for him. He can use his magic as he pleases, he has friends, can be in sports, has a pretty girlfriend like life is goooooddd. I don’t think he wants to change much.

What he/she most wants to change about his/her physical appearance: You kidding me?!?! Dash LOVESSS himself. He wouldn’t want to change shit hahaha

DETAILS/QUIRKS

Night owl or early bird?: Night Owl

Light or heavy sleeper?: Heavy, he sleeps like the DEAD

Favorite food: PIZZAAA. His obsession. His ultimate favorite food everrrr

Least favorite food: Anything healthy hahaha

Favorite book: Dash honestly really doesn’t read.... like his favorite book would have to be a comic book.

Least favorite book: Any school text book period

Favorite movie: Dash is such superhero trash when it comes to his movie preferences. All the Batman movies are his faveee

Least favorite movie: Chick-flicks. All of them.

Favorite song: Light Em Up by Fall Out Boy.

Least favorite song: Anything slooowwwww he can’t. He doesn’t have the attention span for it hahaha

Coffee or tea?: Coffeeeeee, which is bad to give an already normally energetic boy

Crunchy or smooth peanut butter?: Crunchy

Lefty or righty?: Lefty

Favorite color: Blueeee and Blackkk

Cusser?: Yeap. Your typical teenage boy xDD

Smoker? Drinker? Drug user?: Nope. It’s hard for him to get drunk anyways because he has an enhanced metabolism.  

Biggest regret: Hiding his magic for as long as he had. I meann he really didn’t have a choice, but if he had been able to use it from the get he would probably know how to work out the kinks by now. 

Pets?: None

[adyhawk]

 Tour of Cambridge Gran Fondo race 2017

Well, after yesterdays fantastic result in the Chrono TT, today was going to be a whole new ball game for me.

To say that I have not done a road race is an understatement!! Yes I have done a few local crit races that last an hour (not much different to a TT effort for an hour) but, I have never done a race over this distance, come to think of it not even a local sportif!! What was I thinking when I decided to sign up for the double last year!! Had I bitten off more than I could chew? well, I would find out in a few hours!

I had been doing the training alongside my TT training. I have to say that Tim Ramsden of www.blackcatcyclecoaching.com does a fantastic job of structuring my training plans around my work/home life, so he had put in some long rides at varying efforts to compliment my overall fitness goals.

The difference here was that although I had planned in plenty of TT races to build towards TOC, I had no road races planned. All I had done were a few local Tuesday night circuit training sessions to get comfortable in group racing with fast boys.

Well, Sunday morning arrived, got there with plenty of time again as usual and immediately felt out of my comfort zone! I haven’t felt this nervous for a long time, felt inadequate and ill prepared ( even though I had prepared more than ever) I kitted up, filled my drinks bottles up to the rim with  www.elivar.com

final check I had enough tubes,pump etc. As I lined up to go into the age group race pens I had a pang of nerves and suddenly wondered what on earth I was doing here?! Sat in the race pen I got talking to a few other riders which took my mind off things, and then the music ramped up and the race was on. We moved forward as each age group wave were set off in three minute intervals. One big deep breath and sigh, and I clipped in and off we set. Immediately it went off and I was determined to give myself a good start, so I got close to the front of the pack which was busy, bustling and hustling as everyone jostled for a place in the pack. The first few miles went well (way too early to tell how it would pan out) I was just going to take it mile by mile, don’t do anything stupid! Mile 5 and the first crash, which happened right in front of me as someone clipped a wheel and went down taking several others with him. Luckily I avoided it but it made a split making a pack off the front go down the road. I set off to chase them to get back in, I thought that I could burn a match to get back on this early. Unfortunately I had 5 other riders around me who either seemed unwilling to work with me or were already stretched, and with a few short climbs and the headwind I was unable to latch back on. I seemed to be in no mans land for about 10 miles until a second bunch caught us. I jumped into this bunch and settld into a good rythm. I felt good at was sat at the front doing my fair share which surprised me. I kept having to say to myself think smart don’t overcook it there’s still a long way to go.

As the miles ticked by the more I was in alien territory, constantly thinking, Am I going to get dropped? are my legs going to give in? but every mile and I was still in there, every now and then dropping into the pack for a rest then going back up front. All the while making sure I was drinking enough and had a few snacks to stoke the fire downing a  www.nudestfoods.com sachet which was great and much needed by 50 miles.

The head and crosswinds were quite savage in places where it became open and flat, everyone in the pack trying to find cover behind each other which led to a few close moments! This was mixed with a few tailwind sections as we twisted and turned, and I have to say, there is no better feeling than sitting in a pack with a tailwind scooting along at 35+ mph and you look down at your power and you are hardly working!

As we got closer to the finish, 55, 60 miles I started to believe I could do this. I knew that we were the second pack from the lead group in our age group and we were overtaking a lot of other age groups that had been split. I even had a small go off the front at about 60 miles with a few others to see if we could brak away from this group but we couldn’t make it stick so I decided this is where I am going to stay, I am not risking anything at this late in the race.

The last 5 miles back to the finish became hectic, people were getting tired and with a few short climbs it started to split the pack.

Now, I am no climber and my legs were very tired so I struggled up the short climbs but dug in and managed to hang on and catch up on the flat.

The last two miles were quick as we had the wind on our backs and the pack had split apart completely and every man was for himself, so I just kept jumping wheels to hang in there. As we got into the showground it had broken up into 0nes and twos drifting across the line. I took a quick look behind me and saw no one and I knew I couldn’t catch those in front now so just kept spinning until I crossed the line, very tired, very heavy legs but very happy with my time. I had clocked up 79.2 miles at an average speed of 24.13 mph in a time of 3hrs 16mins!! I was overwhelmed and felt quite emotional that I had completed my first road race in such a fashion. And to top it all I had easily qualified in my age group with the leaders coming in at 3hrs 8mins, only 8 minutes behind the winners in my age group and we were one of the faster age groups! 

Two qualifying medals in two days, I was stoked, euphoric and totally drained!!

So now a few days rest and an easy week then back on it for the lead up to the World championship in Albi and some steep climbs!!!!

I would like to say a massive thanks to my coach Tim Ramsden, top bloke and great coach who has always managed to ring the best out of me and also to Elivar sport nutrition for helping me with all my nutritional needs.

To Chris Holden at  www.wheeleaze.com for keeping the bikes in tip top working order.

And  to my wife Becky who has to put up with my stress head before and during the lead up to these things and basically the whole time with training racing etc. Without her constant reassurance and patience and I couldn’t do half of this, love you x.

And finally to all the others out there, friends, competitors etc who all give their bit with encouragement, advice, help etc, thank you.

Next stop Albi !

[bigmouthbadsleeper]

More Like New Year's Steve, Amirite?

I’ve always had a love/hate relationship with New Year’s Eve. As far as holidays go, it’s pretty romantic. There’s a big party, with the promise of a kiss at midnight from a presumably tall, dark, and handsome stranger, while the Times Square ball-drop plays on a television in the living room of someone that you probably haven’t met before. The idea of a better tomorrow dangles in the room like a mirror ball. It’s a new year. Anything could happen. You can start over. Be anyone. Do anything. It’s all possible, and it’s all happening to you.

That’s what I always used to tell myself. I started every New Year’s Eve the same way; happy and filled with hope, and the idea that everything would be different tonight, on this holiday, because that’s what movies and television and songs led me to believe. Yes, I was going to meet someone. Yes, upon seeing me in my smokey party eye shadow and purple sequined dress that I spent way too much money on, he would definitely fall in love with me. Or at the very least, he would ask me for my phone number. I would envision myself, from someone else’s point of view, laughing across the room wearing a party hat someone had thrown on me, that I had been too cool to remove. “This is it”, I would tell myself, every year, “This year things will be different, and it will all start with this one party on this one night.”

What. A. Joke.

New Year’s Eve always turned out to be a busted sham of a holiday for me. I never met anyone new. No one ever fell in love with me. No one ever even gave me a one-armed hug, let alone kissed me at midnight. Most New Year’s Eves for me ended at 3 am, in the Wendy’s drive thru. I would order my high school go-to: a number six, plain, with a frosty. I’d catch a glimpse of my smeared smokey eye shadow and oily T-zone in the side mirror of my car, disappointed at myself for getting my hopes so high. “How did you get here?”, I would ask that girl, shame-eating fast food and listening to sad songs in her car. The answer was always the same; I’d been unrealistic. Gotten my hopes too high. And what happens when you get your hopes too high? They inevitably come crashing down, and usually in a fast food drive-thru line.

After years of high hopes and big disappointments, I got realistic. On December 31, 2013, instead of making big plans and getting dolled up, I went to Hobby Lobby by myself, bought a large number of mismatched frames, and hung up some art in my room. When I say “some art”, I mean like 20 pieces of handwritten quotes and hand drawn movie characters that I bought off of Etsy (single me was very, very reckless with her money). Later that night, I went to a friend’s house and hung out with her and her nieces and nephews. We ate ice cream cones and laughed, and at midnight we hugged each other and lit (legal) fireworks in the street. It was the happiest New Years Eve I’d ever seen, and I didn’t even get out of my pajamas or cover the massive zit on my chin.

Making resolutions is a part of the new year that I actually enjoy. Although resolutions can be depressing when we don’t keep them, I think it’s nice to check in with ourselves and see where we’re at in life in relation to where we want to be. It’s good to think about what we can do to make things better for ourselves, and set goals to make that happen. On New Year’s Eve 2013, after I got home from my friend’s house, I wrote about my year, and about what I wanted for myself in 2014. I spoke about growth, and how what I wanted most was to keep moving forward with my life, to keep changing for the better, and to continue developing myself and my talents. I was at a point in my life where I felt a little too comfortable, maybe. I was happy and content, which was great, except that I was a little bit stagnant. So I decided to set some resolutions for myself that would help with that growth. I decided not to make the same standard resolutions that I made in years past. I was tired of saying “lose weight” and ending up disappointed when it didn’t happen. (I think I finally ditched the idea that I had to be skinny to be happy. I can be a good human being with a good life and be overweight at the same time.) For the year 2014, I didn’t make ten unrealistic resolutions, instead I made just two: to save a little bit of money each month, and to do one thing out of my comfort zone every week. And that’s the one that changed my life.

That year I did more “scary” things than I’d ever dared to do before. I went to singles ward FHE. I spoke in sacrament meeting. I “friended” a guy I thought was cute on Facebook. I hung out with different groups of girls, most of which I didn’t know. By February I felt pretty good about myself. These are all things that I thought I would never do, and I did them! It’s almost as if it had been ME that was holding myself back this whole time! What a revelation (insert eye roll emoji here). In March, I saw the movie Divergent and was totally empowered by it. I wanted to jump off buildings and fight bad guys. Instead, I settled for chopping all my hair off, which might as well have been jumping off a building as far as I was concerned. In April, I turned 30 and wrote what I thought was my best and most personal piece and shared it with friends and family, something I had never done before. That was another proverbial building I leaped off of. I was bold. I was empowered. I truly felt like I could do anything, so I did. A couple weeks after my birthday, I booked a solo trip to Europe to see all the places where my grandma and great grandma lived. With my new short hair, I was ready to be a solo world traveler. Who cares about boys when you’ve got Europe? I sure didn’t.

That was until I got a phone call from a friend asking me if I would be willing to go on a blind date. My first thought was NO THANKS I’M GOOD. It was nothing personal against the guy she wanted me to go out with, but statistically, blind dates had not gone well for me. They usually started with a guy’s faded smile and ended with a half-hearted “See you later”. I just didn’t want to volunteer myself for the special kind of pain that comes with rejection. But then I remembered my resolution… one brave thing a week, jump off the building, etc, and I decided to do it, albeit with a huffy breath, and the knowledge that it would surely be a disaster. I had already chopped my hair off, shared my writing, and booked a trip to Europe. There was nothing I couldn’t do, really. I certainly didn’t know it at the time, but the blind date I agreed to was with a boy that would be my husband. That is to say, four months after our blind date, we got married. I’M SO GLAD I JUMPED OFF THAT BUILDING, YOU GUYS.

Having experienced all the things when it comes to New Year’s Eve parties, I am here to tell you to lower your standards. Just on that day only, not like, in life. I’m also here to give you some ideas about how to make New Years resolutions that will make your life better. I don’t know everything about this subject, but I do know some things. I know that if I hadn’t made the resolution to do one brave thing a week a few years back, I probably would have said no to that blind date. And yeah, I probably would have met my husband another way, but who knows how long I would have pushed that event back?? Sometimes I think about what would have happened if I had said no, and it makes me panic. That’s just one of the fun ways I like to give myself unnecessary anxiety on the regular.

When making New Years resolutions, there are two things to keep in mind: be realistic and start small. I suggest that you take some time to yourself to really reflect on your year. I like to do this in the dark, with a really good record playing. Probably there is food nearby (there is). This all helps, trust me. It’s all part of the process. Get a notebook and start writing some things down. Think about all the things you did that year, good or bad, then think about all the things you wish you didn’t do that year, and write them down. Make columns if it helps you. Write down some things that you didn’t do, but wanted to. Once you’ve got all that written down, take a look at the page and think about which of those things are most important to you, and choose two or three. On a fresh new page of paper, write down some small goals you can set for yourself to help you get the things done that you wanted to get done last year but didn’t. Or maybe set some goals so that you don’t make the same mistakes you made last year. For example, if there’s a toxic person in your life that you wish you didn’t spend so much time with, make a resolution to not answer his/her texts anymore, or maybe don’t go to a party where you know he/she will be. Taking these small steps will help you get to a good place, so when the time comes for you to make the big decisions in your life, you’ll be ready.

When making resolutions or goals, it’s important to be realistic. You probably won’t be a millionaire in a year’s time, so don’t make that goal. If you have weight to lose, resolve to lose half of what you want to lose. I was always disappointed in myself when I resolved to lose 100 pounds and didn’t do it. One year I resolved to lose 20 and was thrilled when I lost 25. Every single time I aimed huge on my resolutions, I let myself down. I never made it to Hollywood, never quite finished writing my book, and I could never get my life together enough to save $200 a month. So I changed the way I made my resolutions. Instead of resolving to writing a book, I resolved to write something- anything-every day. Instead of becoming an actress and moving to LA, I resolved to work on my monologue skills. And one year I saved up just $50 a month, which wasn’t a lot, but it was something. That’s called a small victory, kids, and the older we get, the more we learn to take those where we can get them. All of these things weren’t incredible accomplishments in and of themselves, but they all propelled me forward in my life in some way. They helped me grow and become who I am today. And hopefully the resolutions I make at the beginning of 2017 will help me grow to be whoever I am going to be at the end of 2017.

You should always want to move, to grow, to shift a little, all while remaining true to who you are at the core of yourself. What things will get you moving? What will light a fire under you? What will challenge you and make you better than you were yesterday? Talk with yourself and decide what those things are. Once you’ve done that, the resolutions come easier. Be honest and fair to yourself, and don’t set yourself up for failure. Be patient with yourself, and know that if you keep moving forward and growing, you’ll get where you need to be. You may take a couple detours along the way, and you’ll almost definitely end up in a drive thru line at 3 am, but you’ll get there.

[thejerkstorecalled]

#Triatus: it’s been a while...

Not only did I take an 8+ month triatus from racing, but evidently from writing about it, too! This doesn’t mean that I haven’t been training or busy. In fact, quite a few things have happened since my last 2016 triathlon:

Half marathon PR (:05 is :05, baby!)

Marathon PR (five whole minutes!)

some fun albeit wet winter riding and climbing, so rainy here in Cali this winter!

A winter training weekend with my new racing team for 2017, Team Freeplay, such as amazing group of ladies!

a fun and festive “hens weekend” in Palm Springs 

a half marathon non-PR but it was my third fastest time on arguably the toughest course I’ve raced and a 2nd OA finish 

a WEDDING! Mine :) it was incredible and perfect 

Leading up to the nuptials, I was doing a pretty solid volume of training, semi-structured even. I did have a bit of wedding hangover from the lack of structure and routine the week of and even a bit immediately following, but within a week or so was back at it, aided by the awesome performances of so many friends at 70.3 Florida. Always so inspiring to watch people race, and it helps get me back in the mindset. 

I was most worried about coming back on the bike given the run training that I’d done in preparation for the half marathon. Perhaps some of my best yet. I had been riding with the guys a good bit throughout the winter and rejoined the group rides after only a short wedding hiatus feeling pretty strong. Coach then had me do a “crash week” on the bike, logging 250 outdoor miles and 6.5 Kickr hours across nine days. I felt great and was really enjoying it. The only thing that started to surface was the result of the rainy season really leaving. This meant that the super bloom equated to super allergies. Windy, long rides outdoors often left me out of commission for the rest of the day or longer and didn’t help recoery sleep. 

As the weather improved, and my outside time expanded to upwards of ten hours or so in a given weekend riding, running, swimming and leisure-riding, my allergies wreaked havoc. I couldn’t breathe. Ever, it seemed. Brushing my teeth was a cardio/anaerobic event. Sleep was intermittent at best. The resulting sloppy trail runs left me bruised and scabbed from tumbles. My cycling still seemed okay, strong even, but my running felt like it was really taking a hit. Intervals were a joke and a half. I was miserable and also concerned that some of my symptoms felt like an overreach for simple allergies. 

I finally broke down and scheduled an appointment with an allergist, and also started a regimen of local honey. Desperate times called for desperate mesasures. The allergist diagnosed and prescribed much of the typical for what I was experiencing, but a bit stronger than the OTC remedies that I was maxing. And then the curve ball: asthma. And an inhaler; for all that wheezing, shortness of breath and tight chest. How could I underperform on a breathing test? I could only say to the allergist “but I exercise a lot.” It threw me off, but I shouldn’t have been totally surprised, as both my parents have asthma, and I specifically remember my Dad - a very active and fit individual - carrying an inhaler for as long as I can recall. It was also partially a relief and an end to a paranoid pursuit of googling things like “symptoms of Lyme disease” as I’d wondered if I’d been ineffective cleaning up after long jaunts on trails. 

I had some interesting (weird?) internal battles that followed during workouts and also my first triathlon back: Folsom International. I didn’t want to be in a haze of medication so I opted not to take any pre-race but to have it for when I finished. I hadn’t done any open water swims yet on the year, so made sure to get transition set up early enough that I had ample time to swim in the water and adjust to the coldish (mid-60s) temps and murky composition. 

The swim started in deep water because of debris from branches and sticks at the lake entrance. My start wave was the last and a bit large, and I started near the front from wide right (typical). The horn sounded, and I started swimming and felt pretty good. Until I didn’t. I wasn’t sure if it was the water (temps or murkiness), the aerobic effort, or my respiratory limitations, but I felt out of breath very quickly. I then started to panic, not eased by the sense of crowdedness. This was exacerbated by the goggles I’d selected, which had limited periphery and fogged up terribly.  I couldn’t see anything, and the buoys I was trying to spot were *white* versus the typical neon orange or yellow. I moved to the far right, which helped, but I ended up implementing a lot of tarzan swimming and breast stroke. Mostly as I swam through large patches of the same kind of debris as was near the shore, moving sticks and branches away from my neck and head. It felt like I was being choked by them. If there had been more kayaks or if I could see them, I might have called it a day in the water. Fortunately and unfortunatley, I have experiences like Ironman Wisconsin and Escape from Alcatraz to pull from, where I was in a crappy swim situation for much more than 1,500 meters!

I was SO excited to be done with that swim, and just wanted to pedal and climb on my bike. I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to get on my bike so badly. I had a blast riding the rollers and the bigger, steeper climbs further out on the course. On one of these longer, steeper climbs in the last half of the bike, I rode past a young twenty-something from an early start wave and gave her kudos. She responded by confirming that there were only two more ladies ahead of me. That was exciting considering that I’d started last! I passed one more about five miles up the road. We then went off-roading through a gravel section before getting back to transition where I noticed that the most recent pass had caught up and was right with me. 

The run was on trails, which got me super-excited to get to the run portion of the race. You can’t really be a stickler about pace on trails, so it’s all about effort, chasing people and having fun. I had a sense of urgency departing transition since the other gal was young, and therefore I assumed she’d be fast ha ha! Plus, I had one to catch! I started off feeling okay and progressively felt better as I traversed the changing terrain throughout the run: soft sand, single track, steep fire trails and everything in between. Some folks coming back the other way encouraged me that the other lady was not far ahead. I really wanted to ask: how many minutes and how old is she? If she were younger, there was a good chance that I was actually in the lead. Did I have a buffer?! I felt amazing the last mile or two and dropped some guys that I’d been running it in with, though did not catch the other female (spoiler alert: she was not younger and got me by 2′). 

After I crossed the finish line, I immediately launched into a terrible coughing and wheezing attack. It was at this moment that I realized I’d left all my meds - inhaler included - at home. It was scarry with my obliques cramping through the violent cough fest, leaving me struggling to breathe. 

I didn’t wait around too long before heading home, and my other allergy symptoms had already started to unleash. Home was not close and I wanted to be there so, so badly. I was also starving, but not about to stop for food because I didn’t want to delay my arrival home. The two-hour ride home (Sac Saturday traffic FTW) was an emotional rollercoaster. I felt like now my issues had names and that was affecting how I thought about them. Like they were a real thing that owned me. I felt like I had this dependency now, like I was vulnerable. I hate that. I’ve always liked to feel independent and tough. This didn’t feel that way. The old me, before I knew I had a thing with a name, would have said “I feel like crap, so I’m promising myself a beer, tacos and a hot bath when I get home; until then, I’m putting on my big girl briefs and sucking it up.” This internal dialogue made me upset, mad. 

Over the following days, deciding that I don’t like being dependent on things and that this affliction bothered me less when I thought I was just “feeling like crap,” I decided to forgo the meds. I felt good enough without them, but still needed to use the inhaler when I had episodes that called for it. 

My run came back around over the weeks following and I started nailing my run workout targets. Some of this was the resolution that I was done feeling like crap and it was time to get it done, but it also helped that the temperatues were heating up and the allergens clearing the air. I freakin’ love the hot weather (don’t let me forget this in two months:) ), and have been spending time in the steam room at the gym to assist. This has been a good impetus for me to log a couple short bonus swims each week, post-swim steam room time!

I will say that I’ve continued to struggle on the bike. Trainer rides, and some outdoors, where I’ve had tough targets. It’s the balance of relying on the legs versus the lungs. Being what I’d consider a softer and more noodly* athlete compared to my more muscular counterparts, I’ve always relied on my lung power (cardio, cadence) to get me through tough sessions and intervals. After finding myself gasping through many a trainer workout and feeling on the brink of tears, I’ve had to learn how to lean on my legs, and that burns! 

*this is not for lack of trying! I love my strength training sessions, and make a concerted effort to get a lot of daily protein by way of protein powder in smoothies, hardboiled eggs, greek yogurt, nuts and legumes, salmon. etc

It’s frustrating because my Instagram feed is too many ladies raving about their amazing trainer sessions and these workouts they’ve conquered to achieve their goals and how they feel so great about themselves. And how FUN it is! It’s tough to think about that during a session where you feeling like you’re dying and it’s the furthest thing from fun. My conclusion is that they’re simply not working hard enough if they’re having that much fun, ha! There have been - during and after trainer sessions - a lot of near-tears and declarations to quit triathlon altogether and other things found in the “dark place.” It’s been a learning process so far this season to reconcile how I use my body (legs vs lungs and in between) to achieve the targets set forth. Should be an interesting season...

[footyplusau]

Your views: why it’s going wrong for the Hawks

IN THE wake of consecutive 86-point thumpings, we asked for your take on why it’s going so badly, so quickly for the Hawks.

One thing clear is that many Hawk fans are keeping faith in Alastair Clarkson’s team to revive its fortunes.

Over 40 per cent of Hawthorn supporters say the side’s current form is a blip.

However, opposition supporters are emphatically writing the Hawks off. Over 80 per cent say the Hawks’ 0-4 record and dismal percentage simply reflects where the club is at.

Here’s a selection of your views on the plight of one of modern footy’s champion teams.

Why is it going so badly for the Hawks right now?

All reigns end

The system is designed so no one team can dominate for an extended period of time. They have done a brilliant job, but all reigns end. Just ask the Brisbane Lions.

– Rob Fergus, Brisbane Qld

• Hawks crash ‘inevitable’ says departed champ Jordan Lewis

‘The worst trade period in the club’s history’

You do not give up your two best players (according to club best-and-fairest results) for nothing. No club in history has ever done that, no business in the world would’ve made that deal.

Clarkson said on numerous occasions that age doesn’t matter, only form. Then why push out two legends? Disgraceful. And now club morale is suffering.

– Shaun Grant, Los Angeles USA

Broken promises

Many of the Hawks’ mid-range players (Breust, Smith, Sheils) took pay cuts to stay at the club during the premiership years. They were promised they would be looked after when the club could afford to. Rather than reward this loyalty, they bring in Mitchell, O’Meara and Vickery on big dollars.

This, along with trading club champions, has hurt their culture. Many of the Hawk stalwarts are as a consequence just going through the motions at present.

– Nicholas Oddy, Burwood Vic

Elite individuals are the backbone of a club

Hawthorn have traded their two best players, and another talented player in Bradley Hill. If Geelong were to trade Selwood, Dangerfield and Motlop, there would be more chance of politicians taking a pay cut then the Cats making finals.

Elite individuals are the backbone of a club. In 2014 the Suns were on the cusp of making finals before Ablett got injured. They struggled to win a game without him.

Fremantle in 2015 were minor premiers. In 2016 they had early injuries to their two biggest names in Fyfe and Sandilands and were lucky not to finish with the wooden spoon.

Hawthorn cannot replace Mitchell and Lewis and it will take time for new players to jell. Ageing stars getting close to retirement, no depth in their list and no early draft picks means a steep decline and long and cumbersome rebuild.

– Phillip Thornber, Thurgoona NSW

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They rely on precision kicking and they’ve recruited handballers

Once a dominant kicking side, they’ve recruited Mitchell and O’Meara who rarely use the ball by foot. They never relied upon the inside battle as they could beat opponents on the outside with precision passing.

They would have been better suited going after midfield speed and quality users by foot.

– Daniel McCann, Adelaide SA

Handball-happy recruits Tom Mitchell (centre) and Jaeger O’Meara (left). Picture: AFL Photos

‘The young brigade is showing very little heart’

The fact that the team didn’t fire up when Geelong were taking shots at Hodge, a three-time premiership captain and legend of the club, spoke volumes. Hodge displayed what had made Hawthorn a feared side and his teammates looked on like passengers.

– Jordan Prideaux, Melbourne Vic

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Unfair compensation for free agents

Little access to high draft picks has been coupled with unfair compensation for players leaving through free agency.

The Hawks’ contemporaries in Geelong have been ‘given’ more from the system, for example two first-round compensation picks for Ablett. Sydney had access to Heeney and Mills from their Academy – players they otherwise would not have got.

Hawthorn’s compensation picks for Franklin, Suckling and others have been a joke. At the time no one cared as the Hawks were winning flags.

– Shamus Lynch, Cheltenham Vic

Eagles beware

The Hawks have too many ageing players who aren’t able to match the pace and four-quarter performances of younger teams.

They have for years relied on their players being first to the ball, and winning the contested ball. This isn’t happening and they are now having to chase the opposition. This isn’t a game the Hawk players have  been used to playing.

Trading out Mitchell and Lewis may not have been such a good idea, but reducing their older list had to happen. West Coast will suffer a similar dip in a few years. Last year they recruited Mitchell, Petrie, Vardy – older players with a very limited ‘life’. This will see them also suffer a lack of youth coming through in a couple of seasons.

– Andrew Poole, Salter Point WA

What needs to happen for the Hawks to return to winning ways this season?

Take the Tiger path

It isn’t an overnight solve for the Hawks. Getting game time into the likes of James Sicily is the right step forward. They still have the top-end talent to win games this year, with Burgoyne, Hodge, Rioli, Roughead, etc still capable of getting them over the line.

But they won’t make finals. They would be well served to go down a similar path to Richmond, bringing in exciting pacey players like the Tigers’ Rioli and Castagna.

– Jack Boronovskis, Richmond Vic

Time up for Josh Gibson

As good as Gibson has been, it’s time to go. Put Hodgey back into that sweeping role to replace Gibson and provide direction and rebound out of defence, and get Birchall back in ASAP!

Now is time to throw caution to the wind. Getting thumped by 86 points two weeks in a row with a defensive mindset clearly isn’t the answer. Let’s put Gunston back in the goal square, Roughy at half-forward and Cyril and Poppy crumbing in opposite pockets.

Put the pressure back on the opposition to try and stop us!

The depth of talent is still there and the age of the talent is still in the window to deliver results.

– Jeff Bennett, Perth WA

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‘A win or two will grow confidence’

There is some respect in the bank for premiership players and good servants but perhaps an injection of youth and speed might arrest the slump. Finals would not be on the radar this year. Remember that Geelong missed the 2015 finals after forcing the retirements of, or trading senior premiership players.

 – Michael Byrnes, Deception Bay Qld

Acknowledge the club stuffed up the trade period

Clarko needs to formulate a game plan that capitalises on the strengths of the current squad, which at least for the moment has lost the skill of precision kicking.

Part of the weekly training needs to be team building exercises – the boys just aren’t jelling anymore.

It would help to drop a few big names down to the twos- Gibson for starters.

Finally, I would hate for anything to be done publicly to undermine the confidence of O’Meara or Tom Mitchell, but there should be some acknowledgement to the fans and the players that the club stuffed up the trade period.

Patrick Swayne, Anchorage, Alaska USA

‘Be ruthless with older players who aren’t playing with speed anymore’

They have been clearly run off the park in all the games so far this season.

Be looking to blood young players, and give freedom to midfielders to take risks when moving the ball forward.

Increasing the pressure in the contest is going to be needed too, as they haven’t won a contested possession count since middle of last season, which is a problem that needs to be addressed in the immediate future if they want to be competitive for the remainder of the season.

– Alex Davies, Adelaide SA

Look to the Dockers

For Hawthorn to have any chance of playing competitive football, they need to follow the example set by Fremantle over the last fortnight, and play their young players.

While the youth at Hawthorn certainly doesn’t match that at Fremantle, developing players for the future must be a priority for a side that is quite clearly bottom four based on current form. In adding speed and youth to their line-up in the form of Griffin Logue, Harley Balic, Ethan Hughes, and Brady Grey, the Dockers managed to knock off the reigning premiers and defeat the Demons in Melbourne.

Despite lacking high picks, Hawthorn still have plenty of options with Dallas Willsmore, Kade Stewart andMarc Pittonet [starring in the VFL] and Jonathan O’Rourke, Teia Miles and the rookie listed James Cousins also putting in reasonable performances.

Injecting these players into the senior side is looking like the only way to add the much-needed spark into a flat side, while also serving the purpose of developing young talent for future years.

– Patrick Moran, Vic

Turning to youth has helped resurrect Freo’s 2017 fortunes. Picture: AFL Photos

We may as well sacrifice this season

If I’m honest nothing can get us back to winning ways this season. But if we want a brighter future we need to get time into the youth. Even Irishmen like Glass and Nash should be given plenty of game time this season. Our season is going to be bad no matter what, but at least we can use it as a stepping stone.

And one thing youth can guarantee is enthusiasm. We’ve seen it with Fremantle so why not with us? Sure, the young guys weren’t taken at the top of the draft, but they are the future of our club. We may as well sacrifice this season because we are not a finals team anymore.

– Oscar Wills, Canberra ACT

All is not lost

Without question, hitting their targets has dropped off considerably. But if you look at our matches so far, anybody would have lost to Essendon in round one; Adelaide; an extremely fired up Gold Coast; and then a blockbuster match where we were in it for three quarters.

Compare that with Richmond’s four easy games against Carlton, a Collingwood who couldn’t kick straight, West Coast at the ‘G, and Brisbane.

It’s a long season and it will average out at the end.

– Jeff Whitty, Hobart Tas

Listen to AFL Exchange

On this week’s podcast the boys discuss:

• Should the Hawks trade Jack Gunston, and what could they get for him?

• Could Hawthorn’s first round pick propel St Kilda to a flag tilt in 2018?

• What is Adelaide’s one weakness?

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