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“You can’t expect yourself to go from a negative mentality to a positive one overnight, but every time you correct a bad thought you are growing! So focus on your growth, not the fact that you aren’t “there” yet.”

— Unknown

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I suspect quite a few people on this site don’t realize they are struggling with the effects of chronic trauma. In particular I think more people need to learn about the symptoms of C-PTSD.

Distinct from general PTSD, Complex PTSD is caused by prolonged, recurring stress and trauma, often occurring in childhood & adolescence over an extended period of time. There are many risk factors, including: abusive/negligent caregivers, dysfunctional family life, untreated mental/chronic illness, and being the target of bullying/social alienation.

I’m not a mental health professional and I’m not qualified to diagnose anyone, I just remember a million watt light bulb going off in my head when I first learned about C-PTSD. It was a huge OH MY FUCKING WORD eureka moment for me—it explained all these problems I was confused and angry at myself for having. The symptoms that really stood out to me were:

Negative self-perception: deep-seated feelings of shame, guilt, worthlessness, helplessness, and stigma. Feeling like you are different from everyone else, like something is fundamentally ‘bad’ or ‘wrong’ with you.

Emotional avoidance of topics, people, relationships, activities, places, things etc that might cause uncomfortable emotions such as shame, fear, or sadness. Can lead to self-isolation.

Learned helplessness: a pervasive sense of powerlessness, often combined with feelings of desensitization, wherein you gradually stop trying to escape or prevent your own suffering, even when opportunities exist. May manifest as self-neglect or self-sabotage. (I remember watching myself make bad choices and neglect my responsibilities, and having no idea why I was doing it, or how to stop myself. Eventually I just stopped caring, which led to more self-neglect.)

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I confessed that I had a burning desire to be excellent, but no faith that I could be.

Martha said to me, very quietly: “There is a vitality, a life force, an energy, a quickening that is translated through you into action, and because there is only one of you in all of time, this expression is unique. And if you block it, it will never exist through any other medium and it will be lost. The world will not have it. It is not your business to determine how good it is nor how valuable nor how it compares with other expressions. It is your business to keep it yours clearly and directly, to keep the channel open. You do not even have to believe in yourself or your work. You have to keep yourself open and aware to the urges that motivate you. Keep the channel open.“  

from Martha: The Life and Work of Martha Graham, Agnes de Mille. 

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“Because the world is so full of death and horror, I try again and again to console my heart and pick the flowers that grow in the midst of hell.“ — Hermann Hesse, Narcissus and Goldmund

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“The roots of loneliness are very deep … They find their food in the suspicion that there is no-one who cares and offers love without conditions.”

— Henri Nouwen

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THE LORD OF THE RINGS: The Two Towers (2002) dir. Peter Jackson.

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The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002) dir. Peter Jackson

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“I will spend more time with myself in this lifetime than anyone else. Let me learn to be the kind of person I would like to have as a friend.”

— Courage to Change: One Day at a Time (Al-Anon.)

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"Any person capable of angering you becomes your master; he can anger you only when you permit yourself to be disturbed by him."

- Epictetus

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"Happiness and freedom begin with a clear understanding of one principle: Some things are within our control and some things are not."

- Epictetus

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"You cannot escape the responsibility of tomorrow by avoiding it today"

Abraham Lincoln

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Don't be pushed by your problems. Be led by your dreams.

- Ralph Waldo Emerson

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Too many people believe that everything must be pleasurable in life, which makes them constantly search for distractions and short-circuits the learning process.

-Robert Greene

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