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#you know how bettas apparently bite off chunks of their tail when kept in a too small tank? thats how i feel
birbtails
ยท
5 months
Text
.
#i HATE it here
#if this is what the rest of inpatient is like i have no clue how it helps anyone
#not only do i have no control whatsoever over my life
#(i can't choose when or what to eat or when to sleep i can't go outside i can't shave i cant even really go to the bathroom whenever i want
#bc theres checks every 15 minutes and so i have to look like im doing okay bc otherwise someones going to come in and ask entirely unhelpful
#questions and i can't change clothes in my room bc the window covers the whole room and it looks out directly on the entrance so theres no
#privacy even between checks)
#i feel like an animal in a cage
#you know how bettas apparently bite off chunks of their tail when kept in a too small tank? thats how i feel
#this is my 3rd full day here and still no one has told me what to expect
#and i got ambushed by a doctor a social worker and a scribe asking me shit like what caused your depression? why are you here?
#fuck if i know!!
#i got sent to the fucking er from my meds checkup and no one's told me shit about what to expect here and i don't have Anything
#i got sent to the er with my backpack and the clothes i was wearing and they took all of that away immediately at the er and they only gave
#back a little bit of it when i got here and my dads been bringing me stuff but i can't even have a stuffed animal or conditioner!
#i feel like im going crazy
#i don't know any other way to describe it
#i want to claw my skin off or tear out my hair or jump through a window or bang my head into a wall until i bleed
#and i know thats definitely not something that would let me get out sooner
#but i Did Not feel like this until i got here
#all i can say is that i feel like a caged animal like im on display at a zoo
#and they won't even tell me what's going to happen while im here
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