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#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it
sudokuplayer
·
4 months
Text
i'm so angry and heartbroken and i think this is all i will ever be
#no it's not pms :( Jeremy is still missing and i haven't slept well waiting for him
#it's getting so cold too
#all my ''''progress'''' this year means nothing to me
#also my sister is here because she didn't have to work yesterday and today and my brother video called her not knowing she was here
#and when she picked up he was all cheerful and happy and it sounded like they video call often
#(he texted me only a few times when he moved to the north and not a single time since he moved to Argentina)
#and when he realized she was here he sort of got quiet and asked if i was around and she pointed the camera at me which always makes me sic
#so i didn't look or wave and i didn't say anything and he said “she's got he headphones on” and my sister said no lol and it was awkward
#then she told him we are all sad about Jeremy and said me in particular
#i've been so sad and moody and angry
#i can't do anything because of this anguish i feel
#can't read or watch movies because i can't concentrate
#i watched the emperor's new groove the other day to cheer up a little but it made sad
#nostalgia doesn't work for me when i'm down like this because i see through it lol and i remember i spent my whole childhood scared
#i remember i was certain something bad would happen to me (and it did but not as tragic as what i was scared of)
#i'm rambling. i should be journaling instead
#...
#Keanu is with me now and i can't even look at him without tearing up because i start thinking about Jeremy
#it's so cold and he's probably hungry. if he's even alive
#the cats are all i have. i spend more time with them than with the only 2 humans i can interact with without throwing up (mom and sister)
#you know how they say cats mirror twhe personality of their humans :( Jeremy is exactly like me. my mom and siblings used to joke about it
#he hides when people come over to the house:( he pees himself when strangers touch him :(
#we have the vet come over so we don't have to take him out of the house
#and the vet is the only person he's forced to see. he pees himself when she touches him too
#i can't stop thinking about how he's doing if he's still alive because he gets scared so easily and he's so anxious
#i'm so angry because i should go outside and look for him but i can't even picture myself out of this house
#i feel so betrayed too. because one thing is my stupid sick head thinking there's no amount of therapy or meds that could work for me
#but why is my family listening to me when i say these things. why don't they get me lobotomized or something
#maybe it is a bit of pms
#📓
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