#youd think with me working on this game for like 4 months now id be happy to be almost at the end

[orcelito]

Literally forgot I was playing fire emblem engage on hard mode

I just thought the game was just like this

[rvnjun]

should've known | lee jeno

genre: super power au! angst  warnings: graphic death scene, blood, and obvi death a/n: im proud of this one but it made me want to go back and rewrite parts of haechan and jaemins fic :\

The Dream Team M.List

jeno wasn't born with his powers which caused he a lot of damage

he had to learn to adapt to life with them, had to suffer the unexpected consequences of suddenly having powers 

12 years old, his parents were cooking dinner while he played video games

it was a new game so he was still in the midst of creating his character and choosing his weapon 

luckily he had his homework done so he had extra time to decide and play

unluckily he was planning them at the wrong time

a lab was doing experiments on a person with creation powers nearby

the lab surged with power, sending waves of electricity straight to jenos game

his body jolted and erupted with electric shock, the weapons on the game manifesting themselves into his head 

screaming in pain weapons began to spread around the room, all the weapons on his game taking form in real life

his parents were so scared, they rushed him to the hospital, weapons piling in the car

he was treated for electrical burns and introduced to a power therapist who he would end up spending most of his days with 

they didnt want jeno, they didnt want a freak of a son

the power therapist took care of him and made him feel semi normal

he had to transfer schools because he got kicked out of his old one

as unfair as it seemed, they had a right to kick him out

unable to fully control his powers still he was constantly making weapons appear at random times

which put the kids and teachers around him in danger

he spent a few months which his power specialist working on school work

before he finally had his powers under control to the point he could choose when to summon a weapon

and that moment was when his power specialist changed his life once more

he sat him down and looked jeno in the eyes “Jeno you have a gift, not many people have the ability to do what you can do. now what you choose to do with it is up to you. in the meantime i know some kids I think you'd get along with well.”

haechan and jaemin, two other kids with powers 

they were funny and talkative, he got along with them easily

and most importantly, they never judged him for his powers

they thought they were amazing

jeno had always seen his powers as a curse, his own parents never looked at him the same 

but the specialist, haechan, and jamein all had the same look in their eyes

awe and curiosity

the three of them were close friends when they met renjun, a feisty chinese transfer student with drawing manifestation powers 

together the 4 of them started a team

despite how much his powers scared him, hearing the way haechan and renjun talked made him want to

besides, he knew that if something went wrong and they ended up urt, theyd always have jaemin there with his bright smile 

joining their future super team were chenle and jisung, both introduced to them by the power specialist 

together they formed The Dream Team

a super powered team of seemingly ordinary teenagers who did their best to stop crime and unlike most villains, use their powers for good

all they wanted was to help others and give the gifted a good name again

jeno felt like the past years of his life were a rollercoaster, full of so many ups and downs 

he was finally happy thanks to The Dream Team

for the first time in years he felt normal thanks to his friends

after years of pain jeno deserved it

that's when he met you and his life got even better

y/n l/n, another gifted 

jeno met you after a fight, The Dream Team was hugging each other on their job well done when you approached 

you'd been watching them the whole time without them knowing

curious by what they were doing and their powers you used your own to spy

if someone asked jeno what his first impression of you was it wouldn't be hard, he’d tell them that your powers suited you 

you were awkwardly, fumbling over your words as you tried to speak to them

it was hard for you to explain what you were trying to

after nearly 10 minutes of you trying to talk and haechan complaining you finally spit it out 

“i was watching you guys and i want to help you. now my powers might seem very useless to you guys but if you really think about it, i could be very helpful. i could make a great distraction!”

jeno wanted you to join right away but he knew the others wouldn't agree

haechan looked at everyone and spoke up “ well a) we don't even know what your powers are and b) this team kinda consists of friends and you dear person are a stranger who is nameless im assuming as you didn't even tell us your name,,if you have one ”

you immediately looked away at his words before stomping your foot on the ground and pouting 

“MY NAME IS Y/N L/N AND I CAN TURN INVISIBLE!” you yelled at the top of your lung startling everyone

obviously you went invisible and jeno freaked out

“no wait y/n don't go! we won't let you join right away but you can hang out with us to see how things go!” he hollard earning him looks from his friends

they could tell why jeno was so eager for you to join, the fool had fallen in love by simply staring at you 

the rest was history

you joined The Dream Team as their manager/assistant type of person, soon after you and jeno started dating, and of course you became friends with them all

jeno loved you, you were always there for him and putting a smile on his face

you both got shy from affection so you never did any in front of the boys but that didn't stop them from teasing you nonetheless

almost everyday you and jeno went to a cafe for drinks

“would you rather have your current powers or haechans power?”

youd ask making jeno laugh “i think id rather have mine because if I had haechans powers,,i might not have met my friends or most importantly,,you”

jeno and you were in love, both having rough pasts where neither of you were born with your powers and a freak accident caused them, and both of your parents abandoned you and you moved in with a close friend

which only made you guys closer

one of the things jeno loved about you the most was how caring you were during a fight, especially the particularly bad ones

like the time jenos nose was broken after getting smashed in the face with a cat figurine 

you pouted and told jeno you wished you were jaemin and could heal him with your smile

which caused jaemin to jokingly yell at you saying that healing smile was his thing and you needed to get your own brand 

today was one of those bad fights

the boys went in to fight what at first was only one villain but that one villain had a team they didn't know about

the boys were almost all separated 

renjun was drawing as fast as he could, his creations starting to look more and more like a 5 yr old drew them

the weather was close to a hurricane thanks to haechan 

jaemin was freaking out and smiling like a psychopath , without knowing who he was if you saw him you'd think he escaped from an insane asylum 

chenle and jisung were together, about to pass out from using so much power

it was going bad but it got even worse when jeno got separated from the rest

trapped in a room with one of the bad guys he felt his panic arrise 

‘i dont have time for this,’ he thought, images of his friends struggling flashing in his head

the guy lunged forward and hit jeno with a good blow, blood splattering on the wall

jeno felt his panic be replaced with anger

he was practically shaking from his irritated he was

“i know about you and your team, i know who you really are. you're a bunch of highschool kids, did you really think you could beat us?” the asshole spoke 

jeno stared up at him as he added one “i know you're dating that freaky bitch that goes invisible to distract us.”

the smirk on the guys face made jeno feel disgusted

hearing the words he spoke not only about his friends but you sent him over the edge

you were the guys that saved jeno

“where is that bitch anyway? arent they normally he-” he didn't get to finish his sentence

swords appeared in the air, piercing through the air at rapid speed

the man was stabbed multiple times

he gurgled up his own blood, coughing in pain as he fell onto the floor

“fucking bitch,” he said while clutching his chest in pain

jeno was about to leave when he heard a horrible sound

“je,,,jeno,” a disturbed sweet honey-like voice coughed out 

his stomach dropped and his heart felt heavy 

“y,,,y/n?” he turned around, tears already pouring down his face

your ribs had been broken like twigs, gashes oozed with that desparible red liquid, your mouth was hanging slightly open as more of the liquid steadily poured out

your face began to pale, your eyes already looked lifeless

falling against the wall you slid down, a trail of blood being left behind from where your back was placed

“I just wanted to help,” your voice was barely above a whisper, you sounded so broken

“y/n!!” jeno screamed almost as loud as chenle 

running to you his knee betrayed him and gave out inches form your body

“oh my god,,what have i done,” he involuntarily sobbed, body shaking from screams 

warm tears flowed down his cheeks like a waterfall, leaving behind a wet trail of despair 

“no no no,,oh my god,, JAEMIN!!!!” he screamed for his friend to come save you

if you saw his smile, if you saw Jaemin you would be fine like it never happened

only a few seconds had passed but jeno was screaming out begging for jaemin to hear him and come

getting closer to your body, jeno wrapped his arms around and held you

not caring about the copious amounts of blood covering his clothes

“you'll be okay y/n, jaemin is gonna save you,” he didn't sound sure, it was as if he was convincing himself instead of you

you never spoke or moved, all you did was stare at jeno

rising slowly, you painfully and involuntarily took in more breaths

your lungs, it felt as if they were being ripped apart from the inside, only filling with more blood 

“i,,i just wanted to help,” you barely managed to get out before your breathing stopped entirely and head falling onto jenos shoulder

his mind, blanked of everything 

every thought, every memory, everything was gone

everything except one thing, you

your image burned in his head

the wind was knocked out of him, his while body felt numb, he couldn't breathe

he knew he was breathing but he kept choking 

the tears blurred his vision as they rapidly fell

he felt so hopeless, he,,he killed you

he should've known you were in the room with him, like you'd ever let him get separated from everyone

you always came to the fights as a backup or distraction

“I should've known,” he cried

jaemin,,he wanted to be mad at him, he wanted to scream and hit him, make him suffer the way you did but he couldn't

jaemin was busy, probably exhausted form smiling and using his powers

the door to the room creaked open

jeno assumed it was his friends, if not it was the villains and that meant everyone except him was dead

“oh my god jeno what happened,” renjun spoke, rushing to jenos side

jisung stared with his mouth hung open, wondering how he never knew this would happen, he gripping tightly on chenles arm

chenle let out a ear piercing yelp as he leaned closer to jisung

haechan stared at your lifeless body, rain starting to pour matching his tears

jaemins heart stopped when he saw the damage, knowing that he could've saved you

“y/n,,y/n,” jaemin cried while smiling at you praying that it would work

the tension in the room only grew as each other second past

 each member of the team morning in their own way for their fallen 

y/n l/n the “nameless’ stranger who approached them with wishes to be one of them, y/n l/n the loveable person who lit up jenos dark world more than is friends ever could, y/n l/n the mysterious invisible member of the dream team who just wanted to help

[pigstepmp3-moved]

Rules: answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you are contractually obligated to know better. 

tagged by @yawnralphio​ thank u for tagging me, kisses ur cheek <3

1. name/nickname: fundy, eden, dream, and wilbur! only nickname rn is wilby, but feel free to gimme nicknames :)

2. gender: none gender, left boy. diet boy

3. star sign: scorpio

4. height: 5′3″

5. time: 8:39pm as im typing this

6. birthday: november 2nd

7. favorite bands: ten foot pole, nofx, the dead milkmen, the front bottoms, ajj, simple plan, mom jeans, wallows, the regrettes, etc etc, theres probably more im forgetting

8. favorite solo artists: wilbur soot, sabrina carpenter, again, probably more im forgetting. i suppose i listen to more bands than i do solo artists

9. song stuck in my head: losing face by wilbur soot <333 specifically the  “is he better than me? / has he seen more to this life? / can he smoke more? / can he fuck more?” lines

10. last movie: i cannot for the life of me remember. i think probably the og grinch movie about a month ago?

11. last show: i think 911? im not sure, its been a long time since ive watched tv jdhfajkfh

12. when did i create this blog: i made this particular blog in december of 2018, but i joined tumblr originally in july of 2014 (my first blog is still Out There but i refuse to share it ajfhadskjfh)

13. what do i post: ive been mainly mcyt centric lately as thats my current hyperfixation, but i do post aesthetic posts and shitposts and stuff from my other interests when they pop onto my dash :)

14. last thing googled: eye emoji

15. other blogs: i run @incorrect911quotes​ and @buddieweek​ in the sense that i Own the blogs, though i havent had the energy to actually Actively run them in. a long ass time (mutuals feel free to hmu if youd like to be added as a co owner to either of those blogs so that u may take over for me until i get the energy to work on them again). i also have a handful of saved urls as sideblogs too!

16. do i get asks: every once in a while! i usually get maybe like. one or two per ask game i reblog, and every once in a while ill get random asks from friends and anons alike

17. why i chose my url: i like ghostbur a lot :) n “ghostbur” was taken so i added an s to it!

18. following: 194! i dont like having a super poppin dash, it gets stressful for me at times

19. followers: as of right now, i have 1016 :) 

20. average hours of sleep: around 6 to 7 on a good night

21. lucky number: 2!!

22. instruments: i used to know how to play guitar, but its been like. almost a decade since ive gotten my hands on a guitar, so id have to relearn from scratch. i play a mean recorder thanks to my third grade class tho. and i have a kazoo that i like playin!

23. what am i wearing: my big pink georgenotfound hoodie, pink sweatpants, n slightly mismatched socks (neither of them are pink tho :pensive:)

24. dream job: i know its very cliche but i would really like to make youtube an actual job someday. id also like to be able to data entry :)

25. dream trip: if i had to pick, probably holland. and new york!

26. favorite food: pasta!

27. nationality: im technically american, but i prefer to just say that im canadian (my dad is From canada And im moving in with him in canada after high school)

28. favorite song: my current number one fav is im sorry boris by wilbur soot <3333 obsessed with it

29. last book read: uh. um. i dont know. ill tentatively say all the bright places by jennifer niven bc thats the last one i remember reading

30. top three fictional universes i’d like to live in: mmmm. dsmp would be pretty fun! bein in homestuck could be pretty cool too. ummm. thats it, i cant think of anywhere else :) (id say the borderlands universe but id die so much)

tagging: nobody :) fuck da rules :) feel free to steal this and say i tagged you tho :)

[shaddy-bee]

I KNOW ITS BEEN LIKE 300 YEARS BUT-

5 things you’ll find in my bag

Right now theres uhh Notebooks, both school and 1 art. Drink mix ins, with such great flavors as sour apple jolly rancher and crush pineapple (tm) Two packs of cards, one of which steam punk themed and the other your regular ol bicycle. A calculator. Its a shitty old one but its for tests, i have google and shit for anything i need myself.

5 things you’ll find in my bedroom

A roommate. Idk if he is gay or what but he isnt straight, name’s will. Chill dude. Sleepin rn, what a fella MY SICK ASS COMPUTER IM MISSING OUT ON BECAUSE MY ROOMMATE IS ASLEEP AAAAAAAAAAAAAA I WANNA PLAY ROCKET LEAGUE WITHOUT LAGGING TO HELL also programming my mods. Need to upload that shit. Shit what number we on, 3? Okay cool. A bed. Wow really a bed in your bedrooM? yeah its pretty fuckin spectacular i know. I dont have posters n shit so like i gotta be creative you feel. A microfridge. Now i know what youre thinking, “ah a small fridge whats the big deal?” but no you dont understand, its a microwave fucking bolted onto the top of a fridge. They gave zero fucks attaching these two together and apparently the name is the same way, WHY NOT A FRIDGEWAVE EVEN LIKE MICROFRIDGE JUST SOUNDS LIKE A SMALL FRI- Last but not least, im tempted to just say my wallet here tbh, cuz its old but like, youd EXPECT that now would you? Something boring and mundane for me to fill out the word count with making everything super exciting so nah man, fuck it. Theres air in my bedroom. Fight me.

5 things I’ve always wanted to do in my life

Make a videogame. Like okay, a lot of stuff on this list is jokes and stuff, and I know im going into too much detail and my followers will probably murder me in cold blood for this shit, but im serious about this one like - i have some ideas, but i never have the motivation alone to like work whole-heartedly and finish one but like, at some point in the future id love to sit down and just go at it and make a game. Doesnt matter if its popular or big or small just i wanna make something that i love ya feel? I wanna like, go to newark, delaware. I know, its delaware and all, no one lives there, but ive met a bunch of cool people there and i was promised a donut run sometime, so lookin forward to that. Yknow that post awhile back that was like “i dont wanna be rich and like buy shit, i just wanna have enough money to throw at kickstarters whenever i want without having to strain on my food and rent costs” thats me. 100% Like i wanna have just enough money to be able to donate to cool people and watch them do cool shit - it wont always work out but thats fine, I just love shit. I wanna be able to donate like the high prize and fly out to meet these game studios for coffee and shit and just talk with em and see their passion and ideas. I love it. Im not actually really sure besides those. Like idk. I think itd be cool to enter a game tournament with my brother and win, but i doubt thatll happen and its not super like on my desires just itd be cool cuz we named ourselves Sora and Shiro after NGNL and to see that like, have us win would be great. Yeah. Ill make my fifth to think of a fifth one.

5 things on my to do list

FLOPPY DICKS i mean disks. Floppy disks. I do binding of isaac ab+ modding shit, and im currently working (its mostly done for what i want it to do) which adds a new consumable called floppy disks, effects are based on viruses, bugs, and just computer based shit. Like BSOD for instance, which makes the screen literately bluescreen. Or atleast look like it. Cant wait to watch people play with it. I gotta work on the programming class project too but honestly i dont waannnaaa. Like its cool as shit. Recreate a card game using c++ code. But man, i just love Apocrypha and Floppies so much more. Eat today???? Please. Dining hall opens in 3 hours. Its goddamn 4 am. I want my food. Dunno if ill get it - if ill stay awake till then. But i want it. Probably draw some stuff? Like i posted one drawing already (check it out if u wanna ;) kay?) but like theres wacom tablets here i can just kinda use whenever???? its great. I love being able to just draw stuff on em. Even if i suck at drawing, even if it took 10 hours to make the one i posted here, still love. Probably play more rocket league. Sleep first, soon as i get that food im CRASHIN BOI IM OUTTIE HA but uhh, rocket league has a halloween thing rn and i like playing it. Was playing earlier today and i matchd with a dude in 2v2 that had the same car, skin, AND colors set up as mine. Totaly random. We kicked some major ass together. I kept thinking of the same hat comic the entire time. (also my card was superior because it had furry ears on it ;))

5 things that make me happy

Getting an idea for a thing and working at said thing until like boom it went from this abstract idea to now it has a physical form and it works! And its fun and its great and i can share it with other people and they can have fun too!!!! that feeling is wonderful.  Obviously friends man. Just doing shit with people can be so great sometimes - like not all the time sure but like man. Its nice to talk to people and share experiences and just smile and tell bad jokes and have them groan but like it anyway like thats the shit. Going out at 2 am and walking to a nearby run down schoolyard and swinging on the swingsets and watching shooting stars burn up. Thats the good shit. Getting tents and setting em up in your friends back yard when your friend from far away comes up for a few days, and playing ridiculous games in a group like kick the can or fuckin zombie screaming your lungs out in the dark to freak em out, or just talkin around a fire about fuckin life man. The people make life great. Shits worth living for. I realize that last answer covered a LOT of shit but like, im just gonna add here videogames. Would be amiss if i didnt mention that, considering the rocket league rant above lmao. Yeah i better not make this category any longer.

5 things I’m (currently) into

Isaac modding, probably will be for awhile. Its good shit. As a suggestion from one of the people I work with (we also fuck around its a good time) i have started watching space dandy. Its a slow progress through lol like an episode or two a day but god man like its pretty ridiculous and the main character is pretty much everything i was expecting from seeing him everywhere. Rocket league again. It comes and goes with various different games to tide me over, give me a break from working. Bout 2 months ago or so said relaxing time was dominated by anime - i suddenly went on like a massive streak of watching shit. By that i mean, i watched all of hunter x hunter in like 2 weeks, among other shows prior to it. But yeah. Fuck man HXH I LOVED THE KING WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA. I have too many emotions about that. I wrote a rant to the Groupchat (tm) about the fucking battle and how everything is in slow motion but it fucking like makes it like foreshadowed and have so much of an impact and still so much fucking happens even while everything runs at super slow mo just GOD KLASFJBHUGHASFIUHIPJASK anyway. Yeah. Music, as always im listening to like constantly. Wireless headphones are a wonder for this, but uhh....i cant say im especially into any specific thing rn right? Like a bit ago i was super into joywave and then that faded out and now im just listening to whatever random shit, yknow? But I am into music in general. Its good. Art! A lot of times i dont do shit like for drawing right, like especially not in like pencil in notebooks but like, i sorta started doing a lot more art stuff? Like i had a period awhile back last year where i stopped using pencils and used only pens and i just loved the aesthetic of the ink like how it looked (funny how im doing the opposite of the fucking inktober though, huh?) but yeah im back into using pencils to draw shit occasionally. Im still terrible at drawing people (which is what i see mostly everyone drawing on tumblr lmao RIP) but its fun to sketch stuff out and just let my thoughts run and bounce to some music and shit right? Also the tablets. Especially with the tablets.

5 things people may not know about me (at least on tumblr)

I basically constantly wear sweatshirts, and they all have like earbuds where the strings go. All the earbud shits are broken pretty much, like occasionally they work (the one i have rn does) but like, i dont ever really use them? i have wireless headphones for my phone and a headset (because i need the mic for my computer) for said computer so like, idk. But yeah. I rarely take em off when im not home, and sometimes even when i am i just kinda keep em anyway? (also just now i realized i talked in the section for room shit about all the stuff in my current dorm, my room at home has all KINDS of wierd fucking shit in it. Really missed an opportunity there.) Like many people i like to stay hydrated and shit, but drinking water all the time seemed like a chore more than anything so i got like drink mix ins and shit, mio’s or whatever offbrand version you can find at your local SUPERSTORE CONGLOMERATE. I drink em like all the time pretty much so atleast im health in one way :P. Also gummy vitamins. I dont excercise but you can only ask for so much. Idk, its hard to think of things for this section because tumblr knows so little about me yknow? Like i never make my own posts or shit like its SUPER rare so im pretty much just tryna find random facts but that might not be interesting? Like i have a bad habbit of like talking way too loud when im excited about something right? Not quite yelling but like getting there and like idk. See? Thats not super interesting but it is something no one online would be able to really know ya feel? Idk. I mean physically im kinda fat as you do, but im also like wierdly strong? Like for someone who never works out i sure do have arm strength if nothing else lmao. My endurance is shit tho. Honestly? I can only blame it on osu and groceries. Osu is just a game i like where you mash buttons to the beat of weaboo shit tier music. The groceries is just because like, well, my policy is Least Trips Possible which means carrying in 13 bags at a time if need be it, fuck it milk too? And a watermellon? Bring it. 

Who am I tagging? Idk man. Just for shits and stuff tho i do wanna tag @theoriginalyami just to see what all’s changed in teh long time since i actually went to fill it out :P Dont feel like you have to add as much as me tho omg @milkchocolateowl because honestly? love you. Think about you a lot, just like glad im mutuals with that ray of sunshine. Good. @fantaledfish <3 (this is the friend i mentioned earlier, runs a QUALITY blog i guarantee it, better than mine for sure) @dragonfucker-supreme always top in my notes, a silent bond, like two guards assigned to watch back to back in the early dawn. Birds gather round. I can only tag so many people (i set myself a limit of 5 because...idk why i just mentally it felt right) so for my last trick gotta go with @ask-oncies-jizz like cmon man name changes for the win, also has quality icons and quality shitposts tbh, supreme top meme. Have fun yall.

[notmynostalgia]

lets get personal

i got my period in 5th or 6th grade, when i was 11-12 years old. previously, my only worries had been homework and a boy i liked, but not anymore. from that time until i was 20, it lasted 10 days. a third of every month for ten years i spent bleeding (now its 7 days, so a fourth of every month, as it probably will be for another forty years). the few days leading up to it i had bloating and pms acne, sending my self esteem plummeting, and the days of i had terrible cramps and lower back pain that took my breath away and left me so nauseous and exhausted that if the first day came while i was at school or volleyball practice, i had to leave so i could go home and curl up on my bed with hot packs on my stomach and back and a bucket nearby in case i did actually puke. my chest was so sore i couldnt sleep on my stomach. sometimes just talking felt impossible.

i wore pads, not tampons, because i didnt like the way tampons felt. they hurt going in and coming out. once on vacation when i was 13 or 14 we were going to the beach but id started my period on only the second day we’d been there, so my mom gave me one of her super-jumbo tampons, because apparently hers was really heavy too. sitting on the toilet taking it out was one of the most painful experiences i had ever had. i grit my teeth and held my breath until i couldnt anymore and then i was sweating all over and so fucking scared i wouldnt be able to do it. but i did, because i had too.

i was also terrified of toxic shock syndrome, which happens when you leave a tampon in for too long, and it can kill you.

those kinds of things dont happen with pads, but they’re really not good for a lot of other things. when you get up from bed in the morning, the first thing you do is go to the bathroom because theres a chance you bleed through or around your pad, even though you slept the whole night on one side with your legs clamped together. moving around when you sleep can shift how the pad fits and if it isnt positioned just right, you can bleed through your underwear, pajamas, and onto your sheet. if you were shorts to bed, you may wake up with bloody fingers from itching down there while still half asleep. that happened to me about three times before i realized what was happening. i had to use q-tips to get the dried, caked blood from under my finger nails, and now i wear pants to sleep in. in the morning, as you stand, gravity pulls the blood that was pooling somewhere still inside you since you were lying horizontally, and you feel acutely clumps of blood somewhat solidified like gel, pass through you. and there is nothing you can do about it. you cant hold it in. you just have to feel it and accept it like everything else that comes with having a period. sometimes, this is still happening when you go sit down on the toilet and blood gets on the waistband on your shorts or pants and the toilet seat and maybe the bathroom floor. you have to try and gauge when there is a pause in the blood flow, and youre never always right. so now you have to get a clean change of underwear and pants, but you cant put the ones around your ankles back on because youd get blood on you in other places. so you take them off and hobble back to your bedroom with your legs close together so you dont bleed on the floor and hope that none of your family happens to come around the corner and see you. you get back to the bathroom and lock the door. you put a fresh pad - which will only last about 4 hours (so 5-6 pads a day for the first 2-3 days, then 3-4 for the next two, then 2-3 for the next two, and 1 for the last day), if you sit still and do nothing - on your fresh underwear. also, and i dont know why, but youll probably have diarrhea for the first few days of your period too.

playing sports with pads isnt fun. in high school for volleyball games, i had to wear actual underwear, because pads literally, physically cant work with thongs, and then spandex shorts over the underwear because i didnt want to have underwear lines and also for another layer of protection in case of leaks, and then our uniform shorts. nothing about it was comfortable. and obviously, you cant swim while wearing a pad, so youd better be sure to plan beach/swimming trips so they dont fall anywhere near your period, if you can. but they will anyway, because until youre in your twenties, your period will be irregular. mine changed every month by a few days, sooner or later. and sometimes, you think its over, youll go a couple hours with nothing, a clean pad, but then theres more. another day or two. so you were supposed to go hiking today but your period came early or started late and its just so much physical and emotional labor to try and deal with being a person while bleeding from your vagina and every complication that comes with it (like the pressure from a car seatbelt digging into your stomach even though its hardly touching you, like estimating how many pads youll need for the day and remembering to pack them, like having to change what you were going to wear to something loose-fitting like sweatpants and dark to conceal potential leaks) that you cancel.

in college, i played volleyball, and we had a strength and conditioning trainer we saw twice a week, but i continued to train with him for another year after volleyball ended. when i would start my period or be on the first, second, or third day, i would text him and say i wasnt feeling well or had the flu, because i wasnt sure how he’d react to me not coming in because i was on my period. for some reason, its embarrassing to have a period. we have to lie, we have to have good names like “aunt flo” “ketchup” ”monthly visitor”, even among fellow women. in high school and even college, i would have to wait until the bathroom was empty to open my pad because the packaging was so loud and i didnt want anyone to know, and sometimes that made me late for class or practice. we make sure no one’s looking when we pull “sanitary items” from our backpacks or bags; i would wear a sweatshirt and stick the pad up my sleeve so no one would notice. i would be in so much pain during class that i’d taken six midol over the course of the school day but still have to hold my stomach and try to think of anything else that if, if a teacher asked what was wrong or why i wasnt paying attention i would just say i didnt feel good. and your entire life if you show any emotion that a man deems part of an inappropriate reaction, youll have to deal with him thinking or asking if you’re on your period.

in the shower, you bend over and watch the blood run into the drain. youll have to wait for a pause in the flow to get out, dry off and hobble quickly to the toilet. sometimes youll sit down and see pink water droplets on the inside of your thighs where blood mixed with the shower water. you wipe them off before putting underwear on a new pad for the night.

the day before you start your period you might have just done laundry, but it came unexpectedly and theres blood all over you underwear and maybe your shorts or pants. do you waste the water and wash those two garments now in hope that they dont stain, or do you throw them in the laundry basket to be washed in a couple days with a full load?

when it comes to work, if im on my period for my fast food job, i cant call off, and we’re so short staffed that ill never find someone to cover me, so i work. at my desk job, im lucky enough to be able to sit with a hot pack and a cup of red raspberry leaf tea so i can make it through.

men will never know what its like to have a period and pretend that you dont.

[skiasurveys]

There was a tornado half through this survey

1. Are you a boy or girl?: Girl 2. How old are you?: 20 3. What is your Chinese Zodiac sign?: Rat 4. What is your Zodiac sign?: Sagittarius 5. Who is your best friend?: Jennifer 6. Who are your favourite actor[s] that you think are hot?: Chris Pratt 7. Who is your favorite actress?: Emma Watson 8. Who is your favorite band?: Of monsters and men, pink Floyd and the lumineers 9. Who do you love the most?: connor! 10. What is your favorite color(s)?: pastel colours Now for the deeper questions 11. Would you give up everything you had for your soul mate?: define everything. 12. Are you single?: no 13. What if you met your soul mate at the wrong time?: If they're the one for you, it'll work out. 14. If you could have one fictional characters mind for a day, who would it be and why?: idk 14. If you could be a magical creature, what would you be?: idk a unicorn 15. Jacob Black or Edward Cullen?: Don't care 16. Twilight or Harry Potter?: Harry Potter 17. Burn in the sun or Sparkle?: Burn 18. Would you go all the way on the first date?: idk, I have attachment issues so I would have to detach myself from them or I would get clingy afterwards. Unless I had a good feeling... 19. #1 Thing you hate about boys' appearances now adays: I hate how they dress thug 20. Hug or Kiss?: Hug 21. If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?: Iceland 22. Imagine. It is a dark night, you are alone, it is raining outside, you hear someone walking around outside your window. Who do you call?: my mom 23. What have you been thinking about lately ?: money 24. If you could be in your dream place at the moment, what would you be doing?: Disneyland 25. If somebody was describing your personality what would they say?: Crippling depression bitch . 26. What gives you butterflies in your tummy?: Thinking about Mac n cheese 27. If you could have an endless supply of any food, what would you get?: Chinese food or nuggets but I'd probably be fat 28. If you were an animal, what would you be and why?: A wolf. 29. When you were little, who was your favorite super hero and why?: Didn't have one 30. What’s your favorite thing to do in the summer?: Going to the mountains 31. If they made a movie of your life, what would it be about and which actress would you want to play you? It would probably be about my mental illness or my life after dad died. Id want Emma Watson to play as me cause she's so pretty and talented. 32. If you were an ice cream flavor, which one would you be and why?: vanilla cus I'm plain 33. Whats your favorite cartoon character, and why?: simba . 34. Are you a morning or night person?: Night 35. What are your favorite hobbies?: drawing, video games, drinking, walking, recording videos for YouTube, hanging with my friends and boyfriend. 36. What are your pet peeves or interesting things about you that you dislike? My biggest pet peeve is when people act like you did shit on purpose when it was clear you a mistake , slow texting too. 37. Whats the weirdest thing youve ever eaten?: Lady bug. 38. If someone made a movie of your life would it be a drama, a comedy, a romantic-comedy, action film, or science fiction?: Prob a mix of drama and comedy 39. If you were a comic strip character, who would you be and why?:idk. 40. What thought or message would you want to put in a fortune cookie?: What happens, happens. 41. If you had to give up a favorite food, which would be the most difficult to give up?: chicken nuggets 42. What is one food youd never want to taste again?: Thai food 43. If you won a lottery ticket and had a million dollars, what would you do with it?: id pay off my schooling, help my friends with their schooling, and get a nice house and a car and put rest into savings. 44. You've been given access to a time machine. Where and when would you travel to? I don't know. 45. If you could be any superhero and have super powers, which one would you like to have and why? Wonder Woman 46. Mount Rushmore honors four U.S. presidents: Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, and Roosevelt. If you could add any person to Mount Rushmore, who would you add and why?: Just for gigs pewdiepie 47. If you could transport yourself anywhere instantly, where would you go and why?: Disneyland 48. In your opinion, which animal is the best (or most beautiful) and why? Wolves. They're just so pretty and majestic 49. What is one item that you really should throw away, but probably never will?: old papers 50. Growing up, what were your favorite toys to play with as a child?: I played with plastic animals all the time. 51. Who is the most relevant person in our time?: hmmmm.... 52. What is the title of the best book you have ever read? Idk I don't read that much to care . 53. What is the name of the best movie you have ever seen? The lion king 54. What comes to mind first when you hear the word "reality"? Is this real life....or is this a fantasy 55. What is the most beautiful thing about people? When they smile or laugh at things they are enjoying, or when they're happy with their family and friends, and when they don't seem to care about what peopl think 56. What is the most honest thing you have done?: idk 57. If you could change one thing about yourself what would you change? Wish I wasn't so sensitive 58. What is the ugliest thing you know? Me 59. What do you like to do most with a free hour? Chill 60. What is the most significant event of the last three months? Well I became friends with my best friend again. 61. What force of history are you most aware of as you plan your life? Idkkk. 62. On what basis do you select your friends? Usually. I think after school you for do. Usually in middle, high school you just chill with whoever is your group, but after you really decide who is worth keeping. 63. What is the most overwhelming thing you know? Why?: the future and what will happen. 64. What is the greatest problem in the United States? Why? Donald trump. Period. 65. What thing makes you most humble? Idk 66. What is the greatest value that guides your life? Being alive 67. If you could smash one thing and one thing only, what would you smash? Why? My lack self worth 68. What is the greatest crime one person can commit against another? Rape 69. For what do you think you would be willing to lay down your life? Mac n Cheese 70. What do you feel when you stand on the shore of the ocean?: I feel small 71. If you were tape recording the sound of violence, what sound would you use? I don't want to think about that. 72. What sound would you use for beauty? An animal crying out. 73. If an atomic bomb were to explode a block away in ten minutes, what would you do for those ten minutes?: Fuck and so when I cum I die with an explosion inside me and also everywhere else hehehe 7 4. What one word would you put on your gravestone?:bitch 75. Choose a word that best describes your life up to this moment?: Yikes 76. What is the most beautiful thing you have ever seen?: nuggets 77. What is your biggest worry? Money 78. What do people like best about you?:apparently I'm funny and I am very empathic, and I don't judge. 79. What do you think of when you think of tragedy?: Isolation, and death 80. What skill do you need in order to succeed?: understanding. As In understanding what you need to do, or what you need to change. 81. What talent should you develop? Not being lazy 82. Choose a word to describe a sunset?: Wow 83. When do you feel most lonely? After I've been with people for a long time 84. Choose a word you to describe the elderly population? Annoying 85. What future discovery do you anticipate the most? Living on my own. 86. What is the greatest music ever composed?: That's really hard to choose. 87. Did you, as a child, ever run away from home? If yes, why and where did you go? No I had a great childhood and never felt the need to run away. 88. Whats your favourite room in the house, and why?: My basement living room because..idk 89. The greatest compliment I ever received was...: "You're amazing" 90. If you were a car, what would you be and why?: prob som shittt scion 91. What was your favorite food as a child? Kraft dinner. I hate KD. I like real Mac n cheese. 92. Share a quirky habit you have. How long have you had it?: I bite my nails way too often. 93. Have you ever been told you look like someone famous? Yeah I've been told I look like Rachel platten but idk 94. What's the worst thing you did as a little kid? I would mouth off 95. I really crack up when...: I'm with my crew 96. What was your most memorable birthday?: 17th or 18th. My 20th was boring af 97. Fave TV show?: Imma say..ok I just need to point out as I was filling out this answer there was a tornado holy shit, game of thrones 98. Fave character from that show?: Jon snow 99. Fave country besides your own?: Iceland 100. Fave time of day?: Night 101. What is your name?: Jen