taintedloli

[taintedloli]

[taintedloli]

[taintedloli]

how many times do I have to kill myself to actually die?

[taintedloli]

[taintedloli]

[taintedloli]

Marilyn Manson

💀

[taintedloli]

by: NataliaDrepina

[taintedloli]

Fig. 64. “Bandage for all the fingers.” Illustrated lectures on nursing and hygiene. 1900. Color processed.

Internet Archive

[taintedloli]

while he snores / stiff and hairy in my bed

poem excerpt by morgan parker                          source image

[taintedloli]

The dead rise once again. She lives

[taintedloli]

Grieving but in love again...I think. 3rd times a charm right?

[taintedloli]

Check your bags before you get on the plane

Don't be that selfish bastard that wants to drag all his shit aboard.

There isn't enough room

There isn't enough space

It's cramped, only room for what is necessary

And your shit

Is unnecessary

The plane could crash,

Weight limit exceeded

Over capacity

Out of balance..

There would be many fatalities

Many casualties

Because of your casual

Carelessness

Get rid of all the unnecessary shit

Throw it away

Burn it

Forget it

Why are you holding on to it?

It's just weighing you down

Weighing US down

You're on the verge of crashing the plane

Our plane..

Your plane

My plane

And then

It's ruined

I'm ruined

Because you brought your junk

On my plane.

[taintedloli]

rhMINE

I’m trying to rhyme because I think these should be lyrics

Instead of ear itches

Brain switches

Mind glitches

Dopamine 

That’s what kills

That’s  what’s

making me so ill

addicted to my own poison

the adrenaline of destruction

 my minds under construction

my heart

on the brink of eruption

its not as good when you have to think about it

dream about it

haunted

daunted, constantly in a daze

in the day time my eyes are just a glaze

glazed over

like a zombie

pretending to human

searching, searching for a new man

thirst

a new man 

to latch onto like a leech 

with the thirst 

for blood.

trying to sweep the old ones under the rug.

the dirt’s still there

in my air

in my hair

my hair..

you love my hair

people always stare 

but i cant help but stare

at you

especially

when you’re not there

look now

Im on a roll

it’s funny how I can go on

and on about you

can you go on about me too?

or am i just

a substance

no different from your other

substances

you use to forget

“get lit”

always “getting lit”

getting lit until it kills you

smarty pants

my man

man,

I’m trying to save you

by 

depraving you?

of me

of

you see

this goes both ways 

true for me true for you true for days

days 

is what separates us from

the unknown 

end

i don’t know.

[taintedloli]

Smitten (hell's demon)

One I see you Bitten by the love bug Its actually not a bug As though it may seem The sickness inside your head Is not the same as a cold That compromises your body Compromises your soul I heard your name Just now Darn her The love bug is female Coniving B-word Evil purer than honey Like a sour patch kid Only reversed Everything is reversed Sweet then sour Sour like sulfer Once she gets you its near impossible to pry her out They say she never really goes away I believe it I have a few Some just corpses inside my soul Some are dormant I dont name them, but ill tell you about November From my previous laments you should know her well November was a mess She was super emotional than the rest You could tell she didnt enjoy the torment Of course neither did I She made me cry Alot More in one month than I have in a lifetime She had powerful halluencations She made me see him Everywhere Parinoa disguised as obsession Shes dormant now, not dead yet She will eventually leave, hopefully None of the others have but this one might You can only hope If not she will wither and die inside me And there lies another corpse to add to my collection of love "bugs", love demons This one. She is March, this one Sent straight from hell So powerful She nearly killed me And is very alive Almost made me lose my innocence Her halluencenenes are more powerful than I ever imagined Made november look like nothing This is how she gets you, the dreams Parinoia Obsession Bloodlust Suicide Murder Romeo and Juliet A pure tragedy No innocence She makes you stare head on down the barrel Clicking clicking clicking Making you flinch She wont let you kill yourself even though you want to "Ever wake up and you feel like you want to die" Suicide girl Thats what I should call her Not march She tortures you and makes you like it You can move You cant eat Night terrors Shes part of the locust order She lets you get with him And years go by And youve died a thousand times Hell is opening up to swallow you Your world is burning before your eyes But you dont care She makes you not care when youre with Him And when youre not, you want to kill yourself Kill yourself A thousand times over You worry Thats all you care about She makes you into a junkie Addictied to love Addicted to lust If you dont get your fix youre good as dead My current state I havent eaten 3 days counting 2 hours of sleep Less and less each day Withdrawl Worse than a cocaine addict Withdrawl constantly Dead inside No one gets it She is sucking the life out of me Suicide girl Kills you from the inside Wait a minute Did I mention, that she Heightens your senses Yeah. You can smell him from a mile away Sweet smell of death Lust Cologne Male An animal we are Constantly hunting   protecting

[taintedloli]

This might be (the death of me)

Dear, No This is a plead A desperate call for help Insight I wish, I wish That you would turn my heart to stone Ice than cannot be chipped Marble The kind that breaks bones The kind that kills all but itself Indestructible Cliche words But thats all I have for now I can only pretend for so long That it doesnt hurt I can only act Like i dont have the longing On the outside, Im okay Im great Im content On the inside The addiction The ever consuming longing Falling in love with death But not knowing the difference Blinded Jaded In a trance Falling deeper each day Each time spent It hurts He hurts Theres the connection Hurt Love and pain No, the love is one way Lust Bloodlust Attracted to tradegies I have a question... Am I just that gulliable That naive That blind To my senses That i always go after the Romeos The one that dies The Hamlets The disturbed individual Because theres a peice of me that is the same? Instead of the light? Why does the light blind me? I put on my shades Detered away Its too much The dark seems lonley So I go We sit and wait Nothing gets dones We dont move forward or backward Just frozen in time Staring into the abyss of eachothers eyes Bloodlust Trusting those I would never trust If I were smarter? But is that the case. Am I not smart? Or is this a test? These people, these souls Dammned Just part of the experiement I wouldnt think You would do such a thing Well then theres Job.. And thats why I am confused Uncomfortable, sending tradegies my way I dont look for them They find me And I link on Attracted, Fatal attraction Thats what this is Fatal attraction Everytime Not necessrily the worst of the worst The nicest usually, Shells On the outside Shells, On the inside, Some have more than others On the inside an abyss I can see it through their eyes The eyes are the windows to the soul I dont wana believe it I want to help Pure intentions.. And when I do, well most of the time I end up falling into their abyss Deeper each time Its getting worse This ones pretty bad Fatal attraction Take it away Save them Even if it meant I never see them again Also long as their saved As long as their right I am happy That is Love, Even when you dont recieve it back. Its unconditional. I refuse to believe you can love the wrong one. They may not deserve it, But it doesnt mean they dont need it. So I try And I do. And i wish I didnt feel. So I could give endlessly, Without the drawbacks of Reactions Rejections Feeling passionatley about someone I wish I could feel that Without being spat on An iron heart Or apathy Nothing at all I cant keep Hurting Staring down the barrel Waiting for him to pull the trigger I know Im going to die But Ill get up Wounded Cats have 9 lives Im down to 8 I just hope im not a waste, Being shot in vain Theres a lesson in this If not I have my doubts If not Then im a waste I hope Im not a waste.

[taintedloli]

Splurge

Have you ever fallen in love with a corpse?

Like, a zombie

They only want brains

in love with your flesh

while you’re in love with their soul

their soul

the one that doesn’t exist

the one that is damned

supposedly

the blood isn’t there

their body is cold

yet when he hold you he says

“you’re so warm”

he’s never warm though

always cold

that’s because I’m alive

you idiot

At least i think I am

no better than you

but I live

and you’re dead

for now.

If you’d just...

I’m losing sleep

I’m trying to..

sleep

why are you so cold?

ripping out the veins you have left

for

substance

subsistence 

to sustain

a dead body

I want you

“I want you”

the corpse sing

Have you seen the video?

That’s us.

[taintedloli]

Bloodlust (null)

Bloodlust That's my this Excruciating pain I favor that for it is physical Than mental But I have both Diagnosed as a tragedy Juliet died for him Pure or not, in my opinion she was a Whore That's not me but I feel like it A trashy trashed druggie Only 18 but 50 years of regret That I've never experienced I've taken on others regrets Constantly putting on and on and on So they won't suffer I love my friends I love my loves I'd rather suffer than watch them suffer I'd rather because I know the truth and I'm Saved.. But they are lost Because they don't know It's not fair It may be my fault Maybe that's why Because it was me who stood in the middle of the road They can't see The truth Because of me. Pride Why It's a reversal Kill yourself "I used to be a dead m..." Suicide girl That's me I can't listen to any other The same song on repeat for one week Depression or enlightenment Please don't die I've killed I'm killing My spirit A tragedy By me Killing The killing If I can't kill others I kill myself There's a difference between kill and murder Why is it when that when I look into his eyes I can't see his soul I just see this black abyss Always And I can't look away Fate I refuse to let it be Stubborn The black abyss I Love My eyes are dimming To be like his I am weak I am so weak I am strong but weak The duality torments me I torture myself over it I want to see you soul Idiot Please don't die Stay alive It's worse than they last I feel tendons popping Slowly ripping off my heart The capillaries The blood has dried up Each one Popping like a rubber band Little twirzzler heart Dangling like a fan ripped out of the ceiling Hanging Where is my heart I liked it best when it was cold Hard as a rock You would make a joke about that Cold as stone Ice But now it's in shambles Obliterated screwed But still working It's like Cracked stone You look inside the cracks and can see the abyss Cracked worse that frost bitten lips Bleeding The blood conceals because it's so cold The blood like molasses Deep red Drying brown Like my skin Bleeding onto my skin creating a shell A shell made out of blood Cold blood Congealed Not like jello but harder Like a sticky candy that dries harder than a rock This shell As the inside disperse Dry up and die The slightly touch destroys it Dead inside Literally Like touching the ashes A cracked leaf A dry leaf Sigh Why does this happen Any normal human being would be dead by now I can't stop the ringing in my ears I torture myself so I can no longer feel the pain Build up resistance So when it does come I can stare glossy eyed Into the the lovely abyss And nothing will happen Because feeling hurts more than death