taintedlxve

[taintedlxve]

Hey all

I'd like to apologize for the way I've behaved for the past few months. If you never read my vents this doesn't really pertain to you so feel free to keep scrolling.

My hiatus on this blog will prolly last for a good while longer and probably include my sfw blog too since try as I might I can't make myself do anything there rn.

I've been, until recently, the victim of several really abusive and scary relationships over the course of years of my life basically since I've moved out and speaking out about the way I've been treated often came with social consequences so I've often felt forced to let things go before I was ready to.

This isn't to excuse the quite frankly unhinged way I've been obsessing over a single person on dash for like months even though it was clear people were uncomfortable but to explain why it went on for so long and why I felt so desperate to be heard.

I just felt like another person I trusted had gotten away with abusing me and it was just rotting me from inside out, and I felt the need to vomit it where people could see it until I could feel some external vindication.

Unfortunately the fact I wasn't completely clear why I was so upset and just kind of slinging snippets of vent out into the ether allowed the subject of my venting to conveniently conflate specific comments from those vents with a message I sent afterwards to paint me as a psychotic bitch who evaded a block to curse her out (which to be clear, didn't happen. I still have a copy of the message sent.)

This combined with the lack of remorse in the post mentioned solidifies for me that I want nothing to do with this person but frankly It's a post that wouldn't exist if I hadn't simply confided in my friends instead of feeling the need to vomit my trauma out in the open.

It hurts to see people imply I was 'leaving things out' but when I'm doing nothing but airing out random unfettered anger I can't exactly blame them.

I'm sorry being so messy, and while I don't think anything I said in that vent was untrue I regret writing it or not at least deleting it like I do most of my vents.

I'm gonna continue to stay off until I feel like I conduct myself normally around people I have issues with and I hope I haven't damaged my relationship with any of you with my behavior.

[taintedlxve]

Long post. tl;dr for like multiple personal mental health reasons I'm not gonna be here for a while. My Discord: minniusmaximus. My sfw blog: @braverybystarlight. Love y'all forreal and see you around (or not)

Anyways, I'm going to take a hiatus. I keep stressing out and feeling left behind when everyone's doin' a new thing and its probably a sign I need to get out more or at the very least do other things that aren't just chasing everyone else creatively.

I feel like I rely waaaay too much on public feedback just to do things I like and when I don't get any it puts me in a bad mood and makes me feel like nothing I do matters which sucks even if it's no one's fault and its my rejection sensitive dysphoria making any lack of reaction feel like a massive negative reaction.

There's also the matter of my job instability that's been making my life incredibly stressful and making it difficult to put too much thought and effort behind rp at the moment.

My current job sucks, I'm only like a week into the training stages and its putting massive drains on my mentals and my ability to be around in any capacity beyond just posting ooc posts. Like I've been upset at not getting much engagement but I don't think I've sent a single ask that wasn't a kind of jokey or short low investment thing in months.

I'm finally getting good news in that department though if you hadn't heard already so maybe this won't be a super long hiatus but I try not to make promises on that front lol.

Lastly (and you prolly knew this was coming) there's just the matter of Awoo. I can't stand her y'all, she pretended to be my friend for years, probably my longest one in fact and didn't even have the decency give me a reason before she blocked me and it's caused me to reflect on just how awful she's been to me in the last few years especially.

She's just like a bad person and ngl it bothers me that it feels like I'm mostly the only one that cares about how I was treated. And like I understand people might know her longer or not particularly know me well but that's just how I feel.

And maybe it makes me sound obsessed to be this mad over internet friendship but it's very hard to get over when she's so entrenched in my friend group. She can't even civilly exist in the same space as me she hates me so much and that's mad upsetting to think about. So idk, maybe I just need space from here in general and to focus on non lewd projects for a while until I can fully process that to move on from it.

In any case If I come back in like 2 weeks I'll see you soon lol, if I don't come back for a few months to a year I'll see you later, and if I never come back again and y'all don't follow me to Discord or my other projects then I'll miss each and every one of you.

[taintedlxve]

Wild that this was posted when I wasn't around to defend myself. Apologies to the person who sent me this I feel like they were trying to reassure me but all it did was make me mad lol.

Anyways, I'm mentally ill and reading this shit kind of fucked up my day and since I just can't let shit go without correcting the record I'm just gonna go over some things rq and go back to my hiatus. You don't gotta read, but I was called a liar repeatedly and I'm not gonna let that sit.

A lot of Awoo's post screams out to me as "i'm taking accountability but not really" and I just want to point out places where I feel she's being disengenuous and go back to my hiatus bc I had a good vibe going until now lmao.

I'm skipping the really long explanation about why she never followed me, frankly as I've said before my problems with her extend past that entirely and at this point I don't think it matters that much.

I'll just say this, we had a private conversation in which I made it expressly clear it was okay to come to me about something if she felt she had a problem the LAST time she blocked me for no reason (to be clear to this day I don't know what the hell I was supposed to be sorry for?) after I decided to just unfollow her from her breedingacademy sideblog bc she was replying to other folks' stuff and seemed to just ignore mine. She apologized for this and said she'd do better and I believed her. This, primarily, why I didn't reach out at first.

Further in the post she mentions the vent I wrote that was, in fact, 1000% about her. Ngl I forgot I even wrote it and was surprised by how recently it was. I dunno if I'm really sorry about what I said, it's how I felt at the time and just given the context of how I've allowed you to treat me I simply don't trust you like that anymore.

To be clear I had a LOT of dropped threads at the time or wasn't getting responses at all and that was actively fucking with me and making me wanna quit entirely, but Awoo's behavior stuck with me bc she was one of the few whose responses flooded my dash and I just wouldn't be included. Not saying she's lying but frankly frankly even if it was true Idk what to tell you cause that wasn't the reason she gave at the time.

You very much did say "it's nobody's fault" and "my brain works differently" since you're accusing me of malicously taking you out of context and/or misremembering, but unfortunately I can't access the reply in the image attached bc it's been removed. I'll link it here, maybe something's fucky with my tumblr, I thought it might have been from the blog she ended up deleting but nah it takes me back to her current so -shrug-.

To go into further explanation about what she said (bc obviously I wasn't going to commit a post to photgraphic memory in a vent post) it was something to the effect of "sorry, that's just not how my brain works. once you tell me you're tired of something my brain just labels it as 'avoid at all costs'. It's nobody's fault but…" etc. etc.

She mentions she's autistic, which, I know?? She's mentioned it several times over the last 10 years. Most of my friends are neurodivergent with needs unmet. I'm autistic and soon to be tested for ADHD with needs unmet. I understand that life and socialization is extremely difficult for neurodivergent people.

My partner literally has avpd but she understands that ignoring people bc they make her anxious hurts those people and she takes steps to do what she's able to to circumvent those obstacles bc she cares about those people. I'm really over this self-infantilization people leap to to avoid being criticized the negatives things done because of their neurodivergence. Reminds me of when Sara would beef with everyone on dash and say 'Oh it's my depression'.

And it's not like you were unable to communicate. When I said I was playing fem!Izuku is like the ONLY time I've ever had you reach out to me in my DMs unprompted

Sure, maybe I missed the point of your callout post, whatever, but the point of my message was literally all I've ever asked of you was like, to talk to me and you blocked me without communicating again. The diff is I'm just over being gaslit into being nice and feeling like it's my fault.

You trying to push the responsibility back onto me with a "Oh well she never asked if she had a problem with me" in spite of the fact that I went SO far out of my way to accommodate you to the point of giving you different Cyr icons bc you were squicked out by hair covering eyes just puts the nastiest fucking taste in my mouth and it makes me mad tbh.

I cannot stress how much I'm always the one people expect to make the first move and how sick of it I am, that's why I didn't come to you. I'm not a 'coward', I just was done bowing and scraping for people who didn't like me.

If you cared, you had my discord, and it wasn't like I blocked you first. You had ways of contacting me, and you didn't. So the rigamarole of you 'being worried for me' just doesn't pass my smell test, sorry.

Maybe it does make me hypocrite to smell bs when I see it but it definitely doesn't make me gullible.

The rest is just her demanding an apology from me (nah, you first bitch) but, and I wanna be explicitly clear, the feeling is very mutual, I want nothing to do with this chick.

I wanna be very clear that the end result of this was never to rebuild a friendship with Awoo bc again, once she blocked me I realized this wasn't even the bulk of my problem with her, it was the last straw.

I'm don't wanna be friends with someone who publically calls me me disengenuous and makes me feel so bad I end up apologizing.

Or, again, someone who blocks me when I just say "oh, this person doesn't seem to want to interact on this sideblog so I'll just unfollow"

Maybe you're not like that anymore, or your neurodivergence makes you that way, but I just don't want people like that in my life anymore, and I'm done letting people make me feel small for standing up for myself.

I'll cop to calling you a bad person and saying you hate me bc a lot of that was me being in my feelings and I'm not a mind reader, nor do I know you well enough outside of the internet to make these claims.

But as much as you've tried to victimize yourself I 1000% stand by what I said before, I hope you don't treat you muts as shitty as you treated me.

Thank you for confirming tho that you're not sorry I think helps to know

[taintedlxve]

Long post. tl;dr for like multiple personal mental health reasons I'm not gonna be here for a while. My Discord: minniusmaximus. My sfw blog: @braverybystarlight. Love y'all forreal and see you around (or not)

Anyways, I'm going to take a hiatus. I keep stressing out and feeling left behind when everyone's doin' a new thing and its probably a sign I need to get out more or at the very least do other things that aren't just chasing everyone else creatively.

I feel like I rely waaaay too much on public feedback just to do things I like and when I don't get any it puts me in a bad mood and makes me feel like nothing I do matters which sucks even if it's no one's fault and its my rejection sensitive dysphoria making any lack of reaction feel like a massive negative reaction.

There's also the matter of my job instability that's been making my life incredibly stressful and making it difficult to put too much thought and effort behind rp at the moment.

My current job sucks, I'm only like a week into the training stages and its putting massive drains on my mentals and my ability to be around in any capacity beyond just posting ooc posts. Like I've been upset at not getting much engagement but I don't think I've sent a single ask that wasn't a kind of jokey or short low investment thing in months.

I'm finally getting good news in that department though if you hadn't heard already so maybe this won't be a super long hiatus but I try not to make promises on that front lol.

Lastly (and you prolly knew this was coming) there's just the matter of Awoo. I can't stand her y'all, she pretended to be my friend for years, probably my longest one in fact and didn't even have the decency give me a reason before she blocked me and it's caused me to reflect on just how awful she's been to me in the last few years especially.

She's just like a bad person and ngl it bothers me that it feels like I'm mostly the only one that cares about how I was treated. And like I understand people might know her longer or not particularly know me well but that's just how I feel.

And maybe it makes me sound obsessed to be this mad over internet friendship but it's very hard to get over when she's so entrenched in my friend group. She can't even civilly exist in the same space as me she hates me so much and that's mad upsetting to think about. So idk, maybe I just need space from here in general and to focus on non lewd projects for a while until I can fully process that to move on from it.

In any case If I come back in like 2 weeks I'll see you soon lol, if I don't come back for a few months to a year I'll see you later, and if I never come back again and y'all don't follow me to Discord or my other projects then I'll miss each and every one of you.

[taintedlxve]

Long post. tl;dr for like multiple personal mental health reasons I'm not gonna be here for a while. My Discord: minniusmaximus. My sfw blog: @braverybystarlight. Love y'all forreal and see you around (or not)

Anyways, I'm going to take a hiatus. I keep stressing out and feeling left behind when everyone's doin' a new thing and its probably a sign I need to get out more or at the very least do other things that aren't just chasing everyone else creatively.

I feel like I rely waaaay too much on public feedback just to do things I like and when I don't get any it puts me in a bad mood and makes me feel like nothing I do matters which sucks even if it's no one's fault and its my rejection sensitive dysphoria making any lack of reaction feel like a massive negative reaction.

There's also the matter of my job instability that's been making my life incredibly stressful and making it difficult to put too much thought and effort behind rp at the moment.

My current job sucks, I'm only like a week into the training stages and its putting massive drains on my mentals and my ability to be around in any capacity beyond just posting ooc posts. Like I've been upset at not getting much engagement but I don't think I've sent a single ask that wasn't a kind of jokey or short low investment thing in months.

I'm finally getting good news in that department though if you hadn't heard already so maybe this won't be a super long hiatus but I try not to make promises on that front lol.

Lastly (and you prolly knew this was coming) there's just the matter of Awoo. I can't stand her y'all, she pretended to be my friend for years, probably my longest one in fact and didn't even have the decency give me a reason before she blocked me and it's caused me to reflect on just how awful she's been to me in the last few years especially.

She's just like a bad person and ngl it bothers me that it feels like I'm mostly the only one that cares about how I was treated. And like I understand people might know her longer or not particularly know me well but that's just how I feel.

And maybe it makes me sound obsessed to be this mad over internet friendship but it's very hard to get over when she's so entrenched in my friend group. She can't even civilly exist in the same space as me she hates me so much and that's mad upsetting to think about. So idk, maybe I just need space from here in general and to focus on non lewd projects for a while until I can fully process that to move on from it.

In any case If I come back in like 2 weeks I'll see you soon lol, if I don't come back for a few months to a year I'll see you later, and if I never come back again and y'all don't follow me to Discord or my other projects then I'll miss each and every one of you.

[taintedlxve]

Long post. tl;dr for like multiple personal mental health reasons I'm not gonna be here for a while. My Discord: minniusmaximus. My sfw blog: @braverybystarlight. Love y'all forreal and see you around (or not)

Anyways, I'm going to take a hiatus. I keep stressing out and feeling left behind when everyone's doin' a new thing and its probably a sign I need to get out more or at the very least do other things that aren't just chasing everyone else creatively.

I feel like I rely waaaay too much on public feedback just to do things I like and when I don't get any it puts me in a bad mood and makes me feel like nothing I do matters which sucks even if it's no one's fault and its my rejection sensitive dysphoria making any lack of reaction feel like a massive negative reaction.

There's also the matter of my job instability that's been making my life incredibly stressful and making it difficult to put too much thought and effort behind rp at the moment.

My current job sucks, I'm only like a week into the training stages and its putting massive drains on my mentals and my ability to be around in any capacity beyond just posting ooc posts. Like I've been upset at not getting much engagement but I don't think I've sent a single ask that wasn't a kind of jokey or short low investment thing in months.

I'm finally getting good news in that department though if you hadn't heard already so maybe this won't be a super long hiatus but I try not to make promises on that front lol.

Lastly (and you prolly knew this was coming) there's just the matter of Awoo. I can't stand her y'all, she pretended to be my friend for years, probably my longest one in fact and didn't even have the decency give me a reason before she blocked me and it's caused me to reflect on just how awful she's been to me in the last few years especially.

She's just like a bad person and ngl it bothers me that it feels like I'm mostly the only one that cares about how I was treated. And like I understand people might know her longer or not particularly know me well but that's just how I feel.

And maybe it makes me sound obsessed to be this mad over internet friendship but it's very hard to get over when she's so entrenched in my friend group. She can't even civilly exist in the same space as me she hates me so much and that's mad upsetting to think about. So idk, maybe I just need space from here in general and to focus on non lewd projects for a while until I can fully process that to move on from it.

In any case If I come back in like 2 weeks I'll see you soon lol, if I don't come back for a few months to a year I'll see you later, and if I never come back again and y'all don't follow me to Discord or my other projects then I'll miss each and every one of you.

[taintedlxve]

Yeah, I think a hiatus is prolly gonna happen

[taintedlxve]

When you're "those types"

Yes, she cosplays at cons.

Yes, she's had to deal with those types.

[taintedlxve]

@sailingtheimaginarysea replied to your post “My ass 2 minutes ago”:

holy shit lmao, you good?

​Yeah I'm normal now lol

[taintedlxve]

My ass 2 minutes ago

[taintedlxve]

-wakes up in the most intense dehydrated agony I've ever experienced like holy fucking shit aggggghhhh-

[taintedlxve]

Exhausted and headed straight to bed now that work's over 😔

[taintedlxve]

I understand this is weird behavior considering I was just talking about potentially going on a hiatus but I need you to understand how undiagnosed my AuDHD is I'm a mess

[taintedlxve]

But yeah for genuinely no reason at all my brain decided my Touhous needed to be on a separate blog so that's where Reimu, Marisa, Sanae, and Touhou!Char will be lmoa

[taintedlxve]

I have too many blogs lmao

[taintedlxve]

Now I need to make my March FC OC so me Bird and May can have FC triplets

[taintedlxve]

🍎 ｡:*• ─ SEXY ABC.    ›    ( a list of questions, from A to Z, to help develop some headcanons about our muses. most questions are nsfɯ, so please make sure you’re not a minor and read at your own risk ! )

send a pairing + one or more letters for some headcanons regarding our muses’ sex life !

A ─ After care. Do they take care of each other after sex ? How ?

B ─ Breeding. Is this one of their kinks ? Do they often have unprotected sex ? Have they ever had any pregnancy scares ?

C ─ Condoms. Do they use them ?  Do they have a preference ( color, flavour, etc… ) ? Have they ever had an accident ?  Would they continue anyway, if they’ve forgotten/run out of them ?

D ─ Dreams. A wet dream my muse has had about yours, and whether they’d want to make it come true.

E ─ Experimenting. Are they willing to experiment new things ?  Is there something they’d like to try with their partner, but haven’t had the chance yet ?  Any experiments gone wrong ?

F ─ First time. How was their first time together ?  Was any of them nervous ?  Did it live up to their expectations ?

G ─ Games. Do they play any games involving sex  ( like adult board games, throwing dice to decide what’s their next position, engaging in roleplay, food play, etc… ) ?

H ─ Humour. Are they the kind to share a laugh during sex ?  Has something funny already happened to them ( breaking the bed, one of them falling off the couch, funny noises, etc… ) ?

I ─ Infidelity. Has any of them ever cheated on their partner ?  Whom have they cheated with ?  If not, is it something they could do ?  If yes, have they told them or has the other found out ?  Could they forgive and forget ? 

J ─ Jewellery. Do they own any sexy jewellery  ( like butt plugs with rhinestones, piercings in intimate areas, cock rings, collars, etc… ) ?  What do they think about it ? 

K ─ Kissing. How important are kisses in their relationship ?  Any favourite kind of kisses ?  Do they have any rituals involving kissing ( never leaving for work without kissing the other, always sharing a kiss goodnight, etc… ) ?

L ─ Lingerie. Do they enjoy wearing it and/or seeing their partner in lingerie ?  What kind of lingerie do they find the sexiest ? Any other clothing they love seeing their partner in  ( like grey sweater pants, wearing nothing but an apron, really short shorts, etc… ) ?  Do they often wear what the other likes, just to please them ?

M ─ Masturbation. Do they engage in it ?  Together or alone ?  Do they enjoy watching their partner masturbating ?  Do they use any toys, or just their hands ?

N ─ Nudes. Do they send them to each other ?  Do they save them on their phones ?  Do they keep them to themselves, or do they show them to their friends ?  Have they ever sent one to a wrong number ?  

O ─ O’clock. What time do they usually have sex  ( mornings, late at night, during lunch break, etc… ) ?  Are they usually in a rush, or do they take their time ? How about on weekends / holidays ?  

P ─ Public. Have they ever done it in public ?  Were they caught ?  Do they have a favourite public place to do it ?

Q ─ Questions. Is there anything they’d like to ask their partner, but never had the courage to ?  Any questions they’d rather avoid ?  Do they discuss everything as a couple, or are there any taboo themes ?

R ─ Recording. Have they ever filmed themselves having sex ?  Did they watch it together afterwards ?  Has anyone else seen their videos ? 

S ─ Spanking. Is this one of their kinks ?  If yes, who’s the spanker and who’s the spankee ?  Any favourite positions ?  Do they use just the hand or any other spanking implements  ( like the paddle, belt, whip, hairbrush, etc… ) ?

T ─ Turn ons & offs. What do they do to turn each other on ?  Is there something the other does that turns them off ?  Have they told them about it ?

U ─ Unusual. What’s the most unusual place they’ve had sex at/in ?  Was it a good experience ?  Would they repeat it ?  Is there an unusual place they’d like to try ?

V ─ Video call. Have they ever shared a sexy moment with each other during a video call ? What were the circumstances ( long distance, trying to cheer up/tease the other while at work, etc… ) ?  Did they enjoy it ?

W ─ Walk of shame. Has one of them  ( or both )  ever done a walk of shame  ( trying to leave the place the other shared with roommates/family members unnoticed but being caught ) ?  How was it ?  What were the reactions ?

X ─ X-rated. Do they watch any x-rated movies ( porn ) ?  Together or alone ?  Do they have a favourite type ?  Do they try to reenact them afterwards ?

Y ─ Yucky. Is there something they find particular disgusting or unpleasant in regards to sex ? Something they’d absolutely refuse to do, even if the other really wanted it ?  Have they already denied the other some kinks because of this ? 

Z ─ Zones. What are their most erogenous zones ?  Does their partner know all of them ?  Do they make sure to stimulate each other in said zones ?

☕️ ㅤ