talabuwa

[talabuwa]

[talabuwa]

I hope I can survive this hell.

Mentally, emotionally, physically.

[talabuwa]

Everything I thought of in this line of work was wrong. I was so wrong.

I had thought it would be liberating, it would make me feel free, that it would not lock me up, that I will feel like I can go anywhere and enjoy the places.

But no.

I am still locked up inside a dorm, bound by a contract, following rules and regulations, going beyond what is expected, to ‘volunteer’ to get approved and regular, to always be presentable, always smile.

I don’t think I can last here for very long. And I am already dreading the day that I get fully fucked up mentally, emotionally…

I need someone to depend on emotionally, and that someone wants me to be independent and not think of him and let him be. Let him be on his own, doesn’t even ask me my opinions anymore, doesn’t consider my feelings now when he’s making plans.

And it hurts, so bad.

[talabuwa]

“This is why people touch. Sometimes words are just not enough.”

— Nicola Yoon, Everything, Everything

[talabuwa]

There’s lots of people who want to hear about it.

I’ll just keep it. Not good sharing, not good to talk about it to other people.

Ill keep this to myself.

But…

I want to rant, I wanna vent out, I wanna cry. I just want to talk to someone. But i cant, and I dont have someone i can talk to about these things.

It’s so fucking hard. Hard to be like this.

[talabuwa]

My type is someone who doesn’t entertain everyone and anyone...

[talabuwa]

a you-shaped hole in the universe Celia Paul, Ocean Vuong, Owen Gent, Alejandra Pizarnik (trans. Yvette Siegert), Karman Verdi, Edna St Vincent Millay

[talabuwa]

[talabuwa]

“The strongest ones are the ones who have every reason to die but still live.”

— juansendizon

[talabuwa]

“Appreciate those who don’t give up on you.”

— Unknown

[talabuwa]

“Pain changes us in a way that can be either great or destructive, in both cases the change can’t be undone.”

— Unknown

[talabuwa]

I just want to disappear into this universe. Be the sun and the sand,  the wind and the water  moving aimlessly. I want to be the dance  between the earth, the sky and the waves. Be the energy that holds  everything in its place. And then I just want to appear as a tiny human being and open my eyes and open my heart to see myself.

[talabuwa]

I am not meant for casual. I was born for soul crushing devotion.

[talabuwa]

“I think I might always be in some kind of love with you.”

— F. Cabanes

[talabuwa]

And I feel… once again, that my opinion don’t matter.

[talabuwa]

“I hate being okay because okay is not happy but okay is not bad enough for anyone to care.”

— Unknown