tales-of-isolation

[tales-of-isolation]

Self-Isolation Day 38

One of my professors decided to hold a graduation for the seniors during class time today, which was nice and also very kind of him. I enjoyed tossing my baseball cap at the end of their speech, but more importantly, the speech contained some food for thought and I found myself going back to it through the rest of the day, so here you go.

My professor admitted to not having prepared a speech beforehand, but at some point, they suggested that for some people, this isolation might be beneficial for personal growth. Through an anecdote about their own experience immediately after they graduated, they seemed to say that this isolation might be a good time for everyone to do some self-introspection and sort out what it is that we want to do after graduating.

As someone with no clear direction when it comes to what I want to do with my new ridiculously expensive piece of paper, I feel like my professor had a good point. It wouldn’t surpise me if a lot of people haven’t taken the time to be introspective because other obligations, more immediate ones with deadlines and timeframes, take priority. This self-isolation, however, presents a chance for everyone to sit down and reflect.

As a not-yet-graduated university student, I have mixed feelings about the future. For the last two years, a countless number of more experienced people (university staff, friendly elderly people auditing my classes, family members, etc.) have told me that they didn’t know what they were doing after graduating college. Some thought they knew what they were doing, but later found that they were mistaken. One of the full-time staff from my university office job even admitted to still not knowing what they wanted to do. 

So, even though it seems like bascially everyone goes through this phase around high school/univerity age (or beyond), there’s a sort of unrealistic societal expectation that everyone has their lives put together and planned out.

I was asked where I saw myself ten years from now in a job interview and the only honest answer I could think of was “I don’t know. Hopefully not dead?” (naturally, I didn’t reply with that. I want a job. Also, this was in November. It hits different now.) It’s stuff like this that adds to the idea that we should have some sort of plan laid out already. 

(Though I recently realized that it’s very possible that most people just pull a put-together answer out of thin air when asked. We as a society really enjoy flexing on others)

The reality is, I’m fairly certain that most people don’t really know what they’re doing fresh out of university. Ideally, we would all already have something we love. Or we would all just continue on, randomly following one whim after another until we discovered something that we enjoyed, but unfortunately, I’m fairly certain that it doesn’t really work that way. Not everyone has the luxury to do so. 

My professor ended his speech with the advice that we should “‘just pick what makes [us] happy.’”

He made it sound nice and simple. As though upon hearing those words, we would all know exactly what to pursue (Of course, this was a graduation speech and no gives graduation speeches that aren’t optimistic, so). Even he admitted that it took time to find the thing that made him happy though, so in lieu of his optimistic advice, I wanted to put out a modified version:

Don’t choose something that makes you unhappy. 

I feel like I just wrote something really sarcastic, but I’m mildly serious about this statement. If there’s anyone pursuing something they don’t like, but actually have something that they feel really passionate about, it might be worth considering a switch. I’m sure that this isn’t a groundbreaking thought, and I realize that there are a lot of different scenarios and circumstances, etc., etc. but maybe now is the time to think about it further and maybe even give the thought some serious consideration.

(Or don’t, I have no authority over the topic and literally am lost myself. I’m literally writing whatever comes to mind so just- Take things with a grain of salt.)

For those who haven’t found that thing yet, my professor makes a good point. Now is the time to think about the things that you enjoy and maybe try to see what sort of career you can pursue by chasing these things.

[tales-of-isolation]

Self-Isolation Day 37

As per usual, I finished exactly none of my impending assignments, but such is the natural order of things, and who am I to mess with that? 

Technically, I spent the latter half of my day wrapping up my final photography assignment and writing the most B.S. filled artist statement that has ever been created. Once again, thanks for the oh so inspired assignment, Professor.

For the remaining part of the day, I attempted to write term papers, but ended up watching The Case Files of Lord El-Melloi II. The Sherlock Holmes vibes are weirdly strong in this one. If Sherlock Holmes was a mage and solved cases using (modern) magecraft theories. 

The opening (”starting the case: Rail Zeppelin”) reminded me of the opening of BBC’s Sherlock (here), and as soon as I saw it, I couldn’t get rid of the connection between the two. I’m actually kind of upset that the anime only adapts the Rail Zeppelin arc because I want more, and after my attempt at reading a translated version of Fate/Prototype: Fragments of Sky Silver, I’m not sure if I wanna go through such a disorienting an abstract experience again. (Granted, I did hear that Hikaru Sakurai writes in a very poetic style that makes it difficult to translate, but still)

My memories of Fate/Zero are fuzzy because I watched it so many years ago, but it was interesting to see how much Waver Velvet develops in the years between the end of F/Z and The Case Files. (Also Daisuke Namikawa’s voice acting was impressive. The difference between Waver and Lord El-Melloi II’s voices is impressive. Though I kept hearing N.Italy (Hetalia) speaking to Ryugazaki (Free!ISC) instead of Waver speaking to Melvin in the first episode. Oops)

The first case that Lord El-Melloi undertakes in this series is a nice change of pace from the usual detective mystery pattern in that I could actually follow the deduction logic as the evidence was being found. Although, this might just be because the heliocentric model is a thing and I didn’t find the placement of the limbs strange at all.

The ending, though nice and circular, was somewhat anti-climatic and left me hoping for a second season. 

[tales-of-isolation]

Self-Isolation Day 36

With all my new found time, I’ve started watching all the anime that I’ve been meaning to watch, but didn’t get to. I just finished watching Fate/Grand Order - Absolute Demonic Front: Babylonia (I can’t deal with how long this title is), and I have to admit

the feels really hit me.

I always liked Gilgamesh (esp. in Fate/CCC), but Babylonia had me tearing up almost the whole way through the season. 

As someone who doesn’t usually get touched by shows to the point of crying I laughed at the end of Anohana, sorry not sorry, I’m still trying to figure out if I was sad because the writing was genuinely just that good or if self-isolation is just making me weak.  

(I want to take this time to formally apologize to all the friends I’ve teased endlessly for crying during movies-- oop, my b)

It seems to be a trend recently to turn formerly antagonistic characters into sympathetic characters (don’t quote me on this), but I was still very impressed with the way that Gilgamesh was convincingly portrayed as a reformed tyrant who truly cares about his citizens and just lost his closest friend. They do a good job of depicting his strong leadership and how much he cares for his citizens, and 

SPOILERS AHEAD(???)  honestly, if you still haven’t watched it by now, idk why you’re reading this and not watching it. Go, leave, cry, then come back

the the scenes depicting an empty Uruk made me unbelievably sad. Not to mention the deaths of side characters like Ushiwaka, Leonidas, Ana, and Siduri. 

(Side note: I was pleasantly surprised with the depiction of Leonidas. I thought there was a chance that he would have trust issues because irl Leonidas was betrayed during the Battle of Thermopylae, which ultimately led to his loss and subsequent death during the battle, but no!) 

I’m very tempted to fall into a wiki-black hole (when you fall into an endless pit of related wiki pages) to see what the exact situation with Ushiwaka and Benkei was, because the only context I have is what was given in the anime, but I have work that I’m supposed to be doing, oops. 

Also I can’t stop listening to milet’s “Tell me” and “Prover”  They make me feel unusually sad, but milet’s voice is particularly powerful, and I have no regrets.

(Another side note: I saw some comment in one of the Prover videos that basically said that the song fits into the context of the the epic where Gilgamesh is searching for the herb that grants eternal life, not just out of fear for his own mortality, but also out of fear that his death would mean Enkidu's story also dying off with him. It also mentioned that Gil basically cries all the way through the epic and even manages to piss Siduri off with his crying, so I’m also very tempted to read the epic with this mindset)

As you can see, I tend to get lost in stuff like this, so passing time during social distancing is kinda way too easy. Little did I know, I’ve been training for this my whole life

[tales-of-isolation]

Self-Isolation Day 35

I know it’s kinda weird to be starting in the middle of self-isolation, but it is what it is.  

To pass the time and inevitably procrastinate on all the school work I’m supposed to be doing (I had a paper due last week that I’m too embarrassed to turn in at this point, don’t ask), I decided to make a blog to keep with with all the shenanigans of this long-term self-isolation. 

I went outside for the third time today since my self-isolation began on March 16th, 2020, and honestly, it was real SURREAL. It was weird being able to feel the breeze dance by and the sun beat down on my face as opposed to listening to the breeze in Animal Crossing. I walked a little over 5K around my neighborhood to take photos for my final photography project. Naturally, the assignment was to take pictures that expressed how we feel regarding the “current situation.” How creative, Professor, thanks. So I basically went around my neighborhood taking random pictures as I went because to be honest, I don’t want to have strong feelings about this situation. 

I have a sister who’s also supposed to be graduating this year, and she, being quite a few years younger than me, was being very hormonal emotional about all the things that she has to miss out on this year. What she was told would be the best year of her high school experience kind of just disappeared before her eyes without warning. I completely understand where she’s coming from. 

When I heard that I wouldn’t be able to return to my university after spring break, I felt robbed. I was supposed to have 2 more months with all my friends who I would likely never see again because we’re all from different states and countries. I was supposed to go on a graduation trip with them. My club was supposed to hold our flagship event and I was supposed to thank my fellow exec members for all their hard work at the end of it. Quite frankly I felt robbed of all these experiences that I was supposed to have. That I had spent months planning in advance. Still, it can’t be helped. I’ve come to terms with it, of course. I very well can’t go on being upset about it for weeks on end, but I can understand why my sister is being so snappy.

For everyone that was supposed to graduate this year or have friends that were supposed to graduate this year, this situation sucks. I get it, it’s an international crisis, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t feel upset about the situation anyway. It seemly came out of nowhere and no one got to say bye to anyone in the way they were expecting to. For anyone who still needs to hear this:

Your feelings are completely valid. 

Be angry or sad or whatever. You’re allowed to, and you shouldn’t feel like you can’t.

If it makes anyone feels better, I wasted what I later learned was my final day of university listening to a very drunk acquaintance complain about his love life and inevitably cry while sitting on the floor of my dorm.