talkativetomato - Tumblr blog

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okay but this is me

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Summer Olympics: Who can run the fastest? :) Who can swim the fastest? :) Who can do the best somersault? :) 

Winter Olympics: WHO CAN MAKE IT TO THE BOTTOM OF THIS ICE SLIDE OF DEATH AND SURVIVE?? WHO CAN GET AROUND THE RINK WITHOUT GETTING THEIR HANDS SLICED OFF BY EVERYONE ELSE’S FEET BLADES?? CAN THIS GUY DO A 1080 DEGREE FLIP WITHOUT DYING?? 

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I was gonna make a “remember when captain america punched harley quinn in the face” post before realising that margot robbie and jaime pressly are not actually the same person despite the evidence that they most definitely are

I mean???

they are literally the same person???

for years I’ve believed there was only one of them????

but??? there’s two?¿?¿?¿

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My favorite thing to do when someone asks me to perform a simple task is to say “No” while doing it

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my wife’s so cute because we both love animals so much but her way is very pure and genuine whereas my family is:

me, holding up my cat: stinky

wife: no!! don’t be mean!!!

me, swaying him back and forth in the air: stinky bastard man

wife: No!!!!!!!!

my mother, not looking up from chopping veggies: naughty boy. brat cat

wife, distraught: NOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Victor Frankenstein: I have made a Monster.

Everyone: You fucked up a perfectly good corpse is what you did. Look at it. It’s got anxiety.

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I’ll never not be amused by the fact that I can drop the words “crucifix nail nipples” into a conversation and some of you who have been with me since the livejournal days will join me in the flashbacks, screaming and crying all the way.

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ur gonna die anyway so get that fucking tattoo ur parents and friends hate and eat whatever u want

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/r/choosingbeggars is the only good Subreddit I’ve decided

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When my mother gets into facebook fights with her childhood friends who grew up to be racists, she passive-aggressively fucks with them by making a donation to a local refugee assistance organization in the name of their immigrant grandmothers, a donation large enough that they get a card from the organization saying so.   She passive aggressively fucks with the same demographic of friends who #bluelivesmatter by commenting with details about the various petty crimes they committed together as teens, e.g. “Wow Joey, where was all the respect for blue lives when we hotboxed your uncle’s patrol car?” 

And obviously both these approaches are specific to former juvenile delinquent turned UMC babyboomer but it feel still inspirational in that we can all find our own chaotic good pettiness niche. 

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adriana sahar ; nyfw18