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First Day MULL

  June 8, 2010

  FIRST DAY MULL: Mission Unaccomplished, Lesson Learned

            When you want something so bad to the point that it becomes an obsession, you tend to place the highest of expectations upon it. Doing this tends to ruin the object of your desire, as most of the time, the expectations that you set were too improbable. This leaves you to be sorely disappointed when the time comes for you to finally have it, ruining the obsession you had in the first place.

            Today was my first day at the University of the Philippines, and that’s exactly what happened to me: disillusionment. U.P. has been my dream school ever since I took my first step on its Diliman campus two years ago. But what with the endless jeepney rides that seemed to lead us nowhere, the serial absences of the profs, and the general heat and humidity expected of having a tropical climate, ALL ON THE FIRST DAY, well...it was bound to get to me sometime. In the midst of all this was a nagging voice saying funny little things like: “I should’ve gone to Ateneo!” or “Things wouldn’t this be tough if I had chosen Taft.” The bad vibes of the day were dispelled, however, when Anj, Keish and I watched “Handog Indak: Ikalawang Yugto”, which were performances by the various dance organizations in U.P.

            In hindsight, I think my first day was fated to turn out that way. Despite all the ‘useless’ hassle and grudging complaints, the first day of college proved to be valuable for my survival in the University. If I hadn’t taken all those “wasted” jeepney rides, I wouldn’t be semi-familiar with the routes in and out of the university. Had the profs been present, I’d surely be considered late because I was too busy looking for the classrooms to make it in time, even with the fifteen-minute grace period! And the sweat? Well, at least all that perspiration symbolized one thing: I’ll be staying fit because of all the walking I have to do, that’s for sure!

            With that, I think I can say mission unaccomplished, but lesson definitely learned: It doesn’t take a perfect day to say you’ve had a meaningful one. Rather, you can have the most frustrating day of your life and still walk away with something usefully profound to last you through the other days yet to come. J

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shark vs. albatross

I was watching NatGeo a while ago, and the series on was "Built For The Kill". It focused on various predators of the ocean. I learned that a battle between a full-grown tiger shark and an albatross just learning to fly can never be said to be straight-edged. 

At first glance, you'd think that the tiger shark, with its lethal teeth, massive size, and precise eyesight would win every confrontation with a fledgling bird. That's not always the case. You see, the tiger shark's eyesight is very important to it. If you damaged that, then seeing above water, where the albatross is, would be very hard.

That's exactly what the albatross does: Peck Mr. Tiger Shark's eyes out. I was taken off guard when the albatross didn't fly away to safety, it confronted the shark head-on.

The albatross doesn't always win. Preys of the tiger shark are fledgling albatrosses, testing out their wings for flying above water. You'd think that it's unfair for nature to pit a chick against a shark. But when a dangerous enemy comes behind your back, age doesn't really matter.

It's all about the instinct to fight back, and survive.

*

In an odd way, I can relate to the NatGeo episode. I'm the fledgling albatross, and the tiger shark is a bleak future. I know it's weird to be saying that, at this young(?) age of 17, but sometimes I feel really unaccomplished for my age. So many people the same age as me have reached  great heights already. Many have gone on to win national and international contests, such as Wesley So, one of the chess grandmasters of the country. And he's what, 16? 17? Charice Pempengco is turning 18, and she's gone on to international stardom. Even people I personally know, such as those involved in the Student Council and my best friends, have a lot under their belts. Awards, recognitions, organizations and all the other things that really make me think that our country has a future in them.

I feel insignificant because I haven't really started contributing to a meaningful cause. I belonged to two orgs in high school, but I was never really active. I haven't gone on a tree-planting campaign, or a Gawad Kalinga build. I was Editor of the school paper, but I let it down because of procrastination and laziness. That's another incarnation of the "tiger shark": Procrastination. I don't know why I can't shake it off, senior year's done already!

Before, I used to pride myself on my fighting spirit. I'd jump right in and see it all the way to the end. I really hope that I bring it back to myself. Like the albatross, I need that fighting instinct if I want to survive this burn out I'm in.

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♥

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Today, I was thinking of new names for my blog. When I tried registering "journalex" as a name, I was crushed to see it was already taken. So much for ingenuity. :'( :))

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writing goals

Send another article to YoungBlood of PDI

Send an application to...the Candy Council of Cool. Yes, you heard me.

Go for the Kabataan Essay of the Don Carlos Palanca Awards.

Write the "Who is My Hero?" essay for the Phil. Star competition

Fix COPO 3rd Issue

Actually do all of this.

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The usual bookstore scenario.

Whenever I walk into a bookstore, my eyes dart frantically, my fingers tremble, and I exhale a long, deep sigh. This is because my eyes try to take in every title of every interesting-looking book on display, I'm trying to restrain my fingers from grabbing books and being a kleptomaniac, and I long for a GC that enables me to buy an unlimited number of books. That's the effect bookstores have on me.

Yesterday, after shopping with my mom for our beach trip this week, we dropped by PowerBooks. When I entered one of my favorite bookstores, I glanced immediately to my left; that's where the Filipiniana, Fiction, and Graphic Novel Sections are all in. My attention was immediately caught by a number of the same book on display: Illustrado.

Last year, I came across an article in the newspaper about this particular book. I remember how I wanted to have it because 

The plot seemed riveting. [Read the synopsis here]

An award-winning Filipino, Miguel Syjuco, wrote it. (Exactly why he was awarded the Man Asia Literary Prize. :) )

I swore to myself I would buy it once it was published.

The price was under P400, too! Ahhh. Must. Convince. Daddy. :))

Anyway, I walked to the Filipiniana shelf, and my peculiar bookstore-book-picking ritual began. This is how I pick books:

I walk to the shelf. I stand perfectly still in front of it, scan titles without touching anything, and bite my lip in concentration. Finally, I extend an arm, hesitate for a minute, and grab a  book quickly, as if I couldn't get to it fast enough.

There were so many interesting titles in the Filipiniana section! I have to say, I've been more and more interested in our local talent and culture than foreign ones. We have so much to offer! It saddens me how some people in my generation today prioritize imports over local products.

As I browsed through the titles, I felt my hand clench at the shopping bags it was holding. For one moment, I seriously thought of (impossibly) refunding all my purchases and spend the money on all those lovely books.

My hand unclenched.

There goes my longing sigh again.

~Alex.

p.s.

Some of the other titles I want to buy are:

The Angels Game by Carlo Ruiz Zafon (Author of The Shadow of the Wind! ♥)

Flip: The Official Guide to World Domination, Twisted 1-6, 8, and Twisted 8 and half, all by Jessica Zafra

Lullaby by Chuck Palahniuk (Author of Fight Club! Keisha has this book, I think. Must. Borrow.)

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the official tumblr blog dump

Yes, it's Alex. And yes, I've created a new Tumblr in the hopes of separating my 2 alter-egos: The reblogging-slash-cool-quote-stealing one you see in skypenguins.tumblr.com, and the "serious writer" in me. 

Welcome to talkingpaper.tumblr.com :)