talons-mcbeak

[talons-mcbeak]

[talons-mcbeak]

Post corrections/clarifications are my favorite genre of humor: a compilation

[talons-mcbeak]

my levels of queerness have spiked off charts. put this on my obituary. im dead and gone.

[talons-mcbeak]

Having ADHD is that your brain either feels like

Or

And it can switch in a matter of seconds.

[talons-mcbeak]

two year anniversary of my vocabulary being permanently changed for the worse

[talons-mcbeak]

anyone else have to like. gentle parent their moms about food. my mom is like “let’s be naughty and eat pizza” and i gently say “food is not inherently good or bad”

[talons-mcbeak]

The other day I was driving to work (my commute is like 40 minutes each way, mostly highway, yes it does suck) and I saw what seemed to be just a cloth bag thing on the road. Didn’t think much of it, didn’t bother changing lanes, figured it would pass right under my car nbd.

The fuckin thing was full of gravel, which was like… alarming and loud but it still did mostly just pass under my car so there wasn’t any damage from that. As I was going like “yikes that was ROCKS” and hoping my car was ok, the road curved a little and just past the curve, the truck that had presumably dropped the bag was just PARKED on the HIGHWAY, just right there in my fucking lane. The driver was out of the vehicle, adjusting stuff in the truck bed. On the fucking highway. In the left lane, where there was no shoulder, only a wall.

I was driving 70mph (speed limit 65, so well within acceptable speed and honestly slow enough for people to get annoyed but I’m not any kind of speed demon so 70 it is) and definitely 100% did not have time to brake. I did the quickest check of the next lane over and changed lanes (by which I mean SWERVED HARD) at the last second. I swerved hard enough that I felt like there was a slight risk of losing control of the car or even rolling it over, and I hadn’t even done a thorough lane check but fuck it, that was my only chance of not fucking dying and/or killing someone.

Somehow it all worked out fine. I didn’t crash, I’m still here, my car is fine, I didn’t hear anything later about any traffic incidents on that stretch of road so I assume the truck driver was fine too. I almost definitely have some PTSD because I’ve been having panic attacks and not sleeping great (I keep waking up hyperventilating and clenching my fists like I’m gripping a steering wheel) but that stuff is getting less frequent. It’s been 5 days so it’s still early.

I think a lot of people would process an experience like this as some kind of divine intervention or whatever, but I’m not religious and don’t feel that way at all. It was a scary situation created by someone’s incredibly dangerous decision on the road, and I was fortunate but could just as well have been less so. I have pretty decent reflexes and I’ve been a licensed driver for over 20 years so my judgment (of things like braking distance, etc) is usually good. I did make a joke in the group chat later about how that afternoon I found a posting for a job I’ve been really wanting so I was like “lol the universe is trying to apologize” but in reality, nah, this was just the best possible outcome of someone being very stupid on the road. I’m not even all that upset about the PTSD because it’s the best case scenario.

Anyway, be careful out there. Don’t do stupid shit.

idk. too many people drive like they don’t realize (or care) that they could die and/or kill someone. as a result of the way they are driving. sorry if i sound lame or ancient i just feel insane witnessing the lack of concern on a regular basis. The vehicle you are in is thousands of pounds going many miles an hour. do you know this

[talons-mcbeak]

I'm autistic and I currently feel like shit checklist

Hi there. Are you autistic? Do you currently feel like shit and don't know why? Try this checklist to see if you can Fix The Problem!

When was the last time you used the bathroom? If you answered "I don't know" or "at least 3 hours ago", go now!

Do you need a drink? Go get one if you don't have one in front of you.

When was the last time you ate? If you haven't eaten yet today, consider eating A Meal, or perhaps A Snack. Something is better than nothing, eat whatever you feel able to!

Is there something in your immediate surroundings that is bothering you? If the light is too bright, turn it off. If there is an annoying sound, make the sound stop or reduce your ability to hear it (earplugs, headphones, etc.). If your clothes are bothering you, change them.

Is your space messy? Pick one area of your room and clean it up as best you can. Clean your whole room if you have the energy!

When was the last time you did An Activity? Scrolling on social media doesn't count. Try actively doing something fun! Play a game you like, read a book, make something, or go for a walk.

When was the last time you Spoke to a Person? Consider talking to a person you like if it has been a while.

How long has it been since you did something Special Interest related? Make some time to do that today. Infodump to a friend, have a nice long research session, look at related images or gifs, make art about it, whatever works best for you!

Try stimming actively! Put on some music and dance, spin in circles, go to the park and use the swings!

If you still feel like shit after trying all of these things, you might be tired or sick. Go to bed early and get some rest. Hopefully you will feel better tomorrow!

Hope that helps :)

[talons-mcbeak]

Ponder my chorb

[talons-mcbeak]

Massively overleveled plumicorns, 10/10

The crested owl (Lophostrix cristata) in Darien, Panama. Photo by Ignacio Yúfera.

[talons-mcbeak]

[talons-mcbeak]

On Friendship.

[talons-mcbeak]

One of my favorite things about Put Baby In Pelican Mouth is that not only does the pelican have the intelligence necessary to speak human language but also knows how to lie, suggesting it has a theory of mind, yet not enough to understand that no one is going to put baby in pelican mouth.

[talons-mcbeak]

You think THATS a denim jacket?

Surely you

Jest

[talons-mcbeak]

had a bad low blood pressure moment last night and messily asked my partner for saltines and water before realizing i should probably ask for the Blood Pressure Medication I Need To Take. while they went to go grab it though i still had water and crackers so in a daze i took a swig of water but didnt swallow and then tried to cram 2 saltines in my mouth. full of water. in bed. with mouth full of water