tangiblesensitivity

[tangiblesensitivity]

i am sorry, mom

i would choose my own comfort

over yours

i would want to see my siblings

every week

or so

even if it means

you would have to stay with him

for a year

or more.

[tangiblesensitivity]

i have said the word "No" more times than i can count

i have written this,

i have written the word "No" so many times my thumbs feel numb

[tangiblesensitivity]

why should being sensitive be used as an insult? why should i feel ashamed about having the empathy you clearly lack? why should i feel ashamed about feeling for others when they cant feel for themselves? why am i forced to feel embarrassed because i feel?

[tangiblesensitivity]

To the kids who wanted to walk barefoot everywhere, Who wanted to jump into the rivers and streams of water on trips, Who felt almost too much at peace in the woods, Who loved hearing birds chirping, Who felt stressed just thinking about school, Who would get 8 hours of sleep and still feel tired, Who would never feel satisfied with their parent's reaction to a drawing/handmade gift they made, Who were stressing over the smallest mistakes, Kids whose worlds would fall apart if their father told them they were going to spend the weekend over, Who acted horrible towards someone and then felt even worse, Kids who watched the same videos over and over again because they were be comforted by the already known, Who loved rain, Who would procrastinate and then have to do a project 3 days prior the due date, Kids who felt the need to know everything that was happening around them —

I know what it's like to feel different.

[tangiblesensitivity]

one day you realise your best friend isn't your best friend, just a person with whom you lived through too much to leave them now.

[tangiblesensitivity]

wild women get anger issues, daddy issues and insecurities from their fathers, while they get nicotine addictions, alcohol addictions and mommy issues from their mothers

[tangiblesensitivity]

Full of Self

If I was Skinny

Would You Care then?

Would You see my soft Heart

And appreciate it for its tender Wounds?

Would You appreciate the Freckles dotting my cheeks

Like You would the ones along my arms?

If I was just Bones and Gristles

Would You Care then?

Would You open Your Arms

As soon as Your eyes

Prioritize me in a group of the Same, Desperate People?

Would You open Your Arms

As soon as my freckle-dotted cheeks get Wet?

If I weighed the Same I did when I was in seventh grade

And acted the Same I did when I was in sixth

Shy, Submissive

If I was willing to Bend Over Backwards for You

Would You Care then?

If I Was

Would You Care?

[tangiblesensitivity]

Now, Now, Now

Whenever somebody asks me

"How are you?"

I struggle not to say "Good, I guess"

Even though I do not know

If I really am good, Fine

If I am truly

Okay, Okay, Okay

Since I have started memorizing things

It was

Whether concerned about my weight

Or worried if I'd live up to another day

Up there, There was always something quite not all right

It is like a bug has always been living inside my brain

Like an annoying mosquito in your room

Buzzing, Buzzing, Buzzing

And you can't really make it leave

It feeds off of your blood

The very substance keeping you alive

And you try to

Kill, Kill, Kill it

So the buzzing would stop and you could

Sleep soundly again

Not worried about flesh eating bacteria

Not concerned about the itchiness

Is it really the mosquito's fault if you left the window open?

I know something is not quite right

Something in my dome

And I can't escape it

It makes me

Alone, Alone, Alone

It is in my head, I know

But what can I do to battle my own mind

A field of mines

Exploding and Imploding upon slightest impact

I know it is all but fact

That it is all but in my

Head, Head, Head

For who am I to say that I am in pain

My suffering, Giving it a tag

Who am I to admit my own worst-ness

Until somebody else tells me so?

Do you kill the mosquito mercilessly

For it is making you feel inferior? Less?

Are you such a disgraceful being

To do such thing as murder?

Whenever somebody asks me

"What is making you feel worse?"

I struggle not to yell

Everything! Everything! Everything!

As the world collapses around me —

No, it is I that collapse

The world around me stays still

The clock is ticking all year round

Why do I feel so miserable

Having all of my peers around?

It is I that collapse

The ground beneath me is shaking

Matching my ragged breaths

The screech is eardrum shattering

Still, Complain I would not dare

I feel the very substance keeping me

Alive, Alive, Alive

Boiling and bubbling from the pressure

Yet everybody else is content

Sleeping soundly

Not worried about the Bites

Not concerned about the Scratch Marks

Am I the very bug

The bane of my own existence?

Now, I tell you I am in pain

My suffering is torturing me but

Keeping me holding onto the last

Piece of thread of the Colour of Hope

Just content enough to survive

Now, Will you tell me so?

[tangiblesensitivity]

her eyes have a glimmer in them. you know, the one actually worth drowning in