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tapptaptap · 8 days ago

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TW: smut, oral (m receiving), a lil bit of angst

Word Count: 700

Innocent, intimate moments with Kisuke seemed to always have a way of turning into something not-so-innocent. Laying so near to his heart drove you mad with desire. Or maybe it was his stubble scratching your forehead and cheeks, or his hand absentmindedly stroking your arm, or his scent infiltrating your mind, or his warm skin against yours. Maybe it was all of that, and simultaneously none of that. Maybe it was just how in love you were with him that had you longing to be full of him, emotionally, mentally, physically.

You started to press kisses into his neck and jaw, nuzzling into him, wrapping yourself around him, speaking to him without saying any words. His throat vibrated against your lips, rumbling with gruff chuckles as he figured out your game.

“Are you being needy?” He asked teasingly, pulling your leg across his lap.

“Can’t help myself,” you mumbled tiredly into his skin.

“Shall I be a good man and take care of it for you?”

“Yes, please.”

He didn’t take long to strip you and maneuver you into his lap, his mouth wrapped around your nipple while he bounced you on his length. And when your wanton cries and helpless tugs on his hair sent him over the edge, he manhandled you onto your back so he could go harder, faster, pounding away at the ache between your legs and satisfying his. He finished with his lips on yours, drooling into your mouth, filling and fulfilling you the way you had needed him to.

Though you were insatiable when it came to him. In the aftermath, as he held you near to him and his warmth again, playing with your hair, his stubble gently scraping your face again as he kissed you, you simply had to spring on him once more.

Crawling down his legs, you smiled sweetly up at him before kissing his tip, watching it twitch back to life as he gasped and groaned. You pecked and licked and made out with his cock the same way you had his neck, loving on every part of him, on him, so much it made your chest hurt. You took him deeply, eagerly, no matter how you gagged or how your eyes watered, exploding with affection from the silly things he said and the sounds he made and his hand in your hair, always guiding you. When he finished, you took that too, swallowing like he was your water and you were severely dehydrated. He could only laugh deliriously when you crawled up next to him, attaching yourself to him again.

“You have enough, cuddle bug?” He teased, grabbing and squeezing your thigh.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” you teased back, giggling playfully.

“You’re gonna run me dry, cutie.”

He had no idea. You couldn't stop thinking about just how much you loved him, wanting nothing more than to say it. Doing so physically came naturally with him, but to utter those words aloud to Kisuke…

“I just…” You hesitated.

He looked at you, eyes softening, waiting patiently. It terrified you, how nonchalant and casual he could be sometimes. There was a little part of you that was always afraid of him finding out how intense you were and deciding that you and your heart were too much for him.

But you’d decided now - you loved him so much, you wanted him to know, and you wanted him to be able to choose.

“I love you a whole lot,” you confessed.

His brows furrowed together slightly, observing your expression for any further hint of hesitation or maybe frivolity. “Yeah?”

You nodded. “Yeah.”

And then he grinned, that flippant, carefree one you knew so well, the one that in this moment, made your heart sink a little. “I think that makes me pretty lucky.”

But it didn’t make you love him any less. You smiled, even if it didn’t reach your eyes. It was okay. You loved him. You wanted this, wanted him to choose. That was what mattered.

He leaned in, stopping just before his lips met with yours. “And,” he started, looking into your eyes, waiting, hesitating the same way you had.

“I love you a whole lot more.”

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tapptaptap · 10 days ago

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one name he doesnt want to disappear from this world

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tapptaptap · 10 days ago

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How to write hospital scenes

From someone who’s definitely been in too many and would very much like a refund...ツ

⊹ Waiting rooms are emotional purgatory. They’re too bright, too quiet, and weirdly timeless. Fluorescent lights buzzing, TVs playing muted news no one watches, coffee that tastes like burnt stress. People aren’t relaxing in there, they’re just existing, awkwardly pretending their phones are interesting while dissociating at 40% battery.

⊹ Everyone talks in a whisper, but not because it’s respectful, no, it just feels wrong to speak normally. Like the walls might be listening, like if you talk too loud, something worse might happen, even the loud people get quiet in hospitals.

⊹ Overnight stays are hell. hospital chairs? medieval torture devices with upholstery. even if someone’s trying to nap next to a patient, they’re not sleeping. They’re half-listening to the symphony of beeping machines, nurse shoes squeaking, the occasional cough, and distant Code Something crackling over the intercom. it’s anxiety with a blanket.

⊹ The smell is unforgettable, like it’s not just antiseptic. it’s plastic and cafeteria meatloaf and sweat and fear and the smell of a place where people are very much not okay. the first time your character walks in, it’ll hit them like a wall. later, they might not even notice, or maybe it’s the only thing they can smell for days after.

⊹ Talking to doctors is a weird performance. You're trying to be calm, they’re trying to be calm. But no one is calm, your character wants to ask 47 questions and not sound desperate. The doctor explains things like they’re narrating a science video, and when they leave, someone will immediately go “wait... we forgot to ask” every. single. time.

⊹ Monitors beep constantly. half the time, it’s nothing. A wire got loose, someone rolled over. But the second it is something, the vibe shifts fast. Nurses appear like ghosts, machines start going off, and everyone starts moving. And your character? they might freeze, or panic, or forget they have lungs. Go with whatever makes sense for them, but make it visceral.

⊹ Time goes full funhouse mirror. Ten minutes waiting for test results feels like a year. A full hour stretches into eternity, meanwhile, three hours can pass without anyone realizing it. You can use this in your pacing, make it drag when the waiting is unbearable.

⊹ Hospital cafeteria food: Garbage. It’s either offensively bland or stupidly overpriced. The grilled cheese is six dollars and tastes like regret, and someone will 100% cry into a cold sandwich at 3am, because grief doesn’t care where you are.

⊹ People start fixating on tiny, random things. They can’t control the big stuff, so their brain zeroes in on a sock slipping off, a crooked IV pole, the repetitive drip-drip-drip of medication. Let them obsess over something small, it’s how the brain copes with being completely powerless...

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tapptaptap · 14 days ago

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❛ #ANGEL! Kagurabachi.

────────── he understands he has no place in heaven. however, isn't he allowed just a peek? .ᐟ.ᐟ

⤿ pairings. chihiro rokuhira x afab reader

⤿ contents. slight character analysis w/ voyeurism, no specific dom/sub dynamics, angst. this contains mature content, read at your own discretion.

⤿ thoughts. the favorite fic

Discretion is his name. He knows when to hide and how to do it. He knows he isn't a good man, blantantly so.

He feels he does not deserve something so sweet and good as you. So, he warns himself to not get attached. He hides his feelings away behind those red eyes of his.

But if he could just... consume you for a second, allow himself to be freed from his longing — he believes he'll become a good man.

The very one you see.

In your eyes, he isn't a man who kills. A samurai full of rage and hatred. He is a loving man filled with uncertainty and grief. Because he loves is what makes him so prone to hatred. In his eyes, he's a person who doesn't deserve heaven.

Not even a little peak.

This feels like a punishment from God himself. Your fingers dipping into yourself before pulling out. Luring him in. A slick of honey links to your hand before you throw your head back as your thighs clamp shut at the sensitivity.

Your needy moan echoes through his head, spinning around like the song of birds. He was hyperaware of his body.

The goosebumps rising at the sounds you make and his hairs standing on end. His short, shaky breaths that he exhales.

The tightness of his suit.

The cat has caught his tongue.

He lurks in the dark corner of the room, swaying just the slightest bit. He hadn't realized his mouth was watering, he swallows.

He felt lightheaded as he takes a timid step forward. His legs feel heavy, like they could buckle at any given moment and he'd fall onto his knees.

He told you nothing could happen. He was on a lifelong mission of finding his fathers killer. He didn't want a distraction. Oh, but you were never a distraction.

If anything, a motivator. The reason to keep going. He'd come back bloody and bruised, wishing to see your face. Wishing that you stayed safe while he was away. He'd leave and return just for you.

You'd wash his body from the blood with a rag, was it his? Was it someone elses? You didn't ask questions. You'd tell him that he's strong, and when he removed his clothes to grant you access for more...

Despite the faded scars, the new ones, the bruises, you told him he was beautiful. You made him feel safe.

He didn't want to leave, not today. Not ever.

You allowed him to watch. He didn't understand at first, but the glint in your dilated pupils hinted at something.

Kissing his cheek with such warmth and innocence he couldn't believe you gifted such an intimate moment to him. Then, you backed away to your bed and slowly unbuttoned your shirt with shaky fingers.

His breath caught in his throat when your hands trails down your soft body, tracing your curves then, under your slacks. After a moment of frustrating teasing, you bare yourself.

He has seen you naked. He has washed your body in silence, he has dressed you up with such tenderness it'd make you cry and he's wiped those tears away with a tentative kiss.

But, it's never been in a context like so. You have always been pure in his eyes, even now, it won't change.

The moment your half lidded gaze met his, his eyes blazed. Your eyes invite him to approach. He stumbles slightly at the foot of your bed.

"Chihiro -- hah..." You coo, eyes falling onto his dark pants, your fingers spread yourself open for him to watch closely. To understand what his mere presence can do. He gasps lightly at his given name, shivers racking down his body.

You sound like heaven.

"Yes?" He rasps out.

You push your fingers back in, thrusting in slowly, inch by inch. He grunts. Your gaze flickers from his face to his lower body in awe, your hole flutters.

"Kiss me." You demand, he doesn't think twice as he leans over you, whimpering into the tense air when his wet lips meet your quivering ones. It's soft, gentle. Then, your tongue meets his. The wet muscle pushing in and onto the roof of his mouth.

His eyes roll into his head.

You taste like heaven.

He pulsates and vibrates with need, nearly collapsing on you as the sound of your movements speed up.

He grips onto your cotton sheets, refusing to lay a hand on you until you allow him to. His gloved hands claw at the fabric with such vigor, it tears under his hold.

You moan into his mouth, parting your lips to breathe him in. Your body stutters into his, hips writhing into your fingers.

I love you. He thinks.

"You're lovely." He voices. It came out as a whisper, one that makes your body ignite. He hadn't seemed to notice what he was doing.

His hips ground into your mattress, rocking himself gently up and down. He pulls away from your lips with a silent whine, opening his eyes to watch you.

He wishes to cradle your quivering body in his arms. He wishes to kiss you and your body, head to toe, with desire. He wishes to worship and praise you until you tell him to shut up from sheer embarrassment.

He yearns that you'd let him touch you. Maybe graze his fingers against your stomach.

He unintentionally slams his pelvis against the mattress, shivering violently with pleasure. The pressure pressed onto his clothed cock felt like a reward. One he took for himself. For his own selfishness.

God punished him by not allowing him to love you the way you deserve.

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tapptaptap · 20 days ago

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shinji

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tapptaptap · 20 days ago

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TW: talks of death / near death experience, no smut but some suggestiveness and nudity

I never believed in all the "danger" that supposedly waited for me outside the castle. How naive I was. So then I took my last breaths, the sunlight glittering at the surface of the pond getting farther and farther away as the jealous water nymph pulled me down. I closed my eyes, reminiscing, and praying that at least death would come swiftly and softly, like falling asleep.

Only it never came. I heard of the knight who was exceptionally powerful, and the rumors that circulated regarding his skills and the mask he wore, always curious to finally meet him for myself. I peered into the black eyes of that mask now, gasping for air and sputtering out pond water, and I saw no devil the people claimed him to be. He was my angel, the man who saved my life.

He hastily grabbed his cloak, left in the grass nearby, and used it to wrap my naked, shivering body, holding me close to his chest in an attempt to provide warmth, though we were both soaked now. As I caught my breath and reoriented myself, he brought a hand to his mask, pulling it away in a blur of dust and light. It vanished into thin air, and the whites of his eyes came back, narrowed at me in observation.

"You're the masked knight," I gasped softly, dazed still from nearly drowning.

"Yeah. Sorry ya had to see that ugly thing." He frowned, eyes darting around my face.

Ugly. The word had me and my heart frowning, aching. If only he could have seen himself through my eyes now. Every piece of him was pretty, the mask, his long blonde hair, adorned with braids and dripping from having to dive in after me, and his brown eyes, whether they were surrounded by white or black. As droplets of water ran down his face, and the rays from the sun above cascaded around him, with him in the center, my sun, I thought again that I must've been looking at an angel, not the "ugly" being he referenced.

"Sorry? You saved my life," I still struggled to breathe properly, my voice coming out hoarse and wispy. "I think it's beautiful." I shied away from what I really wanted to say. I think you're beautiful.

His frown transformed into a lopsided grin, large, white teeth peeking out at me. "Not so sure I trust yer judgment, doll - almost drownin' out here by yerself. What the hell were ya doing?"

"Swimming," I supplied with a shrug.

"Naked and alone?" His eyes flicked to where his cloak met around my front, shielding my bare skin from view. He raised an eyebrow, his grin growing.

"Well, yeah." I looked away, heat and life creeping back into my cheeks. "It's a nice day out, and I - I just needed some time to myself."

"Where's yer husband?" He asked, raising his eyebrows curiously. "I know if you were my girl, I'd be worried sick right now."

Butterflies fluttered in my stomach as I fantasized about what it would mean to be his girl. I found myself eagerly sharing that I was not taken.

"I don't have a husband," I giggled, a laugh that turned into a coughing fit as I spluttered for more air. He waited patiently for me to continue. "I'm the princess. Do you know that?"

"No shit?" he laughed in astonishment. "That's even worse. The King could have someone killed for this, I'm sure."

"He won't ever find out," I said seriously, a silent command, as I pushed away to get to my feet. I stumbled sideways, forgetting how to walk, as if my brush with death in the water had made me an alien to the land.

"Easy." The knight lightly put his hands on my arms, steadying me.

His light touches breathed life back into me. Protecting, again, it reminded me.

"You saved me," I repeated, looking to him with reverence.

"Yer surprisingly calm about all of this," he chuckled, seemingly oblivious to my heart eyes for him. “Are you okay?”

"I've heard so much about you, and now we finally meet," I ignored his concerns, gushing over him instead. Who knew how much time I had left before someone found us? "Master Hirako. That's you, yes?"

"That's me," he confirmed, his lips twitching with mirth. "Forgive me, my lady, but I'm havin' trouble remembering yours..?"

"It's (Y/N)," I boasted, then, spotting his animal stood behind him and becoming distracted, "oh! Is that your horse? How beautiful!"

I ran past him, his cloak billowing out behind me, mystified by the beautiful creature with a black coat and mane, a rarity, like him. I threw caution to the wind, pleased to find out what a sweet animal it was when it allowed me to reach through an opening in the cloak to coo and pet and caress its neck.

"Ya seem like a real troublemaker." Master Hirako came up behind me. I looked over my shoulder to find him smiling lazily to himself at my reckless antics.

"Does he or she," I peaked underneath his horse, "oh, boy, he, have a name?"

"Sakanade," he responded smoothly. "And I'm surprised he's letting ya pet him right now. He must like you."

I smiled proudly, then softly, at the knight. "I like him too. He’s usually ornery, then?"

"Mhmm," he hummed, stepping closer. "Guess he's got a thing for pretty girls."

His compliment set loose another group of butterflies inside me. I shyly looked away, unsure of how to respond to his compliment. I quietly wondered where he'd been all this time while my father forced me to meet man after man in hopes of marrying me off - this one too controlling, that one with commitment issues, another one with a serious lack of anger management, though none of that mattered to him, so long as they were wealthy and/or noble. I still had so much to learn and yet already knew how my knight stood out from the rest. Underneath those playful grins and flirty words were sweet layers of protectiveness, gentleness, thoughtfulness, and something so raw and genuine it had my heart bursting with affection and leaping for joy at finally finding him. My mind kept going back to what people said, his powers come from the devil, he's not right, he's too flippant and arrogant to lead a battalion of knights, and I wanted to curse those people for being so close-minded and cruel. So far, he was nothing like what they described.

"Ya wanna ride him?" He interrupted my thoughts. "Have ta get ya back home somehow."

I wanted to ride something. "I'm a little scared to," I admitted.

"I'll be with ya, obviously." He rolled his eyes teasingly.

I imagined him, pressed to my back or with my front pressed to his, holding on tight, and lit up at the idea. "I guess then that would be okay."

"Alright. Where are your clothes?" He asked, glancing around.

I bit my lip and crossed my arms around my figure underneath his cloak, avoiding his eyes. "I don't know. I laid them on that boulder there before I went in," I pointed the empty rock out, "but it looks like they're gone."

His lips straightened out, though amusement danced in his eyes. "So they grew a pair of legs and walked away?"

I could be funny too. "Maybe some pervert stole them." I grinned at him.

"Yer accusin' me?!" He attempted to laugh it off, but I didn't miss the pink creeping into his cheeks. "After I just saved yer ass?!"

"I'm only teasing!" I laughed. "Anyways, I guess I'll just have to hang on tight to this thing." I slipped a hand through the front and tugged on his cloak.

“That’s not gonna cut it.” He crossed his arms over his chest, the damp clothes he wore clinging to his flesh deliciously. “The wind’s just gonna open ya up to everyone.”

My eyes widened at the thought, making him laugh again. The deep, slow sound was music to my ears. I struggled to look him in the eye.

“Well then, what do you propose, Master Knight?”

He sighed, dropping his arms to his side and looking down at his attire. “You’ll have ta borrow my shirt and wrap my cloak around your bottom half.”

“Your shirt’s wet,” I commented, squirming prematurely as I imagined the drenched material against my chilled skin.

“And whose fault is that?” It was his turn to tease.

“Yours,” I simply taunted back, enjoying this game of back and forth with him. “No one told you to come in after me.”

He scoffed. “Like I said,” he shook his head at me as he began to peel his shirt off, “troublemaker.”

I watched him remove the beige fabric, ogling his lean body while he was too occupied to notice, wringing it out in an attempt to remove some of the moisture. He fanned it through the air a few times before stepping towards me, holding it out for me to take.

“Let me know when yer changed.” He got serious, turning his back to me to allow me some privacy as I pulled his cloak off and quickly shimmied into the wet shirt.

I shivered as it stuck to my body, falling just to the bottom of my bum. I looked down to find that the moisture had essentially made it transparent. My nipples displayed themselves, hardened, whether it was from the cold, or in reaction to something, someone, I didn't know. I only knew of the intense pull I felt towards him, and how my heart kept fluttering at every little thing he did or said. Maybe I still didn't have enough oxygen in my brain, or maybe this was the love at first sight in the romance novels I read - the one I was certain didn't exist.

Until now.

“What’s taking so long, troublemaker?” He sneered impatiently.

“Just have to pull up my skirt!” I joked, hurriedly reaching for his cloak to drape it around my waist as best I could.

When I told him it was safe to turn around, his eyes initially met mine, quickly falling to my chest, and then just as quickly rising again, redness coming back into his cheeks tenfold. I watched his Adam's apple bob as he attempted to look anywhere but at my breasts, anxiously running his hands through his long, blonde strands.

“I’ve gotta get my armor back on.”

A chance to escape from the tension rising between us, he went for the pieces of his attire that he must’ve discarded before jumping in to get me. I pulled my arms around my chest while I waited for him, covering the exposed parts of myself.

"Front or back?" He quickly changed the subject when he came back, still avoiding looking at me fully.

"You mean..?"

"Ya wannabe in front of me or behind me?" He chuckled languidly at the suggestive sound of his words, heat still spanning across his face as he clarified, "on the horse."

"Oh! Sakanade!" I beamed and giggled nervously. "Uhm, well, you should steer. Back would be good I think." I also needed him to shield my nipples from the rest of the world.

"Ya gonna hang on tight or am I gonna have ta worry about ya again?" He raised an eyebrow.

"I'll hold tight," I promised, biting my lip to hide my excitement.

"Come on, then."

He easily mounted Sakanade, likely having done this a thousand times before, and I unceremoniously attempted to get behind him, only making it on with him mostly pulling me up as Sakanade anxiously stomped his feet. Once in position, I tucked part of his cloak underneath me, worried about chafing some sensitive areas.

Then, I wrapped my arms around his waist, squeezing tight, as instructed, pressing my front to his back, as close as I could go. I shuddered at the proximity, with my damp front against the cool metal of his armor, and sneakily inhaled his woodsy, masculine scent, finding more and more to love.

He turned to me, oblivious to my perverted thoughts, "don't let go of me. Sakanade likes to go fast."

I squeaked, barely any time to process before he was spurring him into action, and we were off. I initially thought he was only teasing me, telling me his horse liked to go fast. However, it quickly proved to be true as Sakanade sped along excitedly. I held to my knight’s waist with a death grip, heart hammering hard against his back as we dashed through the forest and towards the castle, Sakanade expertly dodging trees and sticking to the path Master Hirako directed him to.

He must have been able to sense my fear in the way I clung to him, shouting over the roaring wind to ask, “ya doing okay back there?!”

I tucked my face into his shoulder, shouting back a garbled “yes!” Even if it wasn’t entirely true.

“Yer okay,” he promised, somehow knowing how I truly felt. “I’m not gonna let anything happen to ya.”

My fear hadn’t been quelled entirely, not as Sakanade bucked along, making me feel as if I could topple off at any moment if my arm muscles decided to give out. But his affirmation had made it a little easier for me to relax. I believed him wholly, that he really wouldn’t let anything happen to me, not now, not ever. I pressed my cheek to his back, squeezing my eyes shut, trusting this man I just met. No one seemed truer than he.

When I dared to open my eyes again, I saw that we were getting close. "Go behind the castle - on the west side!” I shouted to him as we neared our destination. “That way I can get to my private quarters without anyone seeing!"

"Will do, princess!" He shouted back, throwing me a grin over his shoulder, setting those butterflies loose, yet again.

The fear I felt when I first mounted Sakanade had been replaced with a new, negative emotion as we slowed to a stop. I hadn’t wanted to get off, hadn’t wanted Master Hirako to leave me. I had become desperate, longing, yearning, obsessed, in such a short amount of time, my soul attaching itself to the man who saved my life. I sat atop Sakanade, waiting, for what, I didn’t know. I’d face my fears over and over again if it meant I could stay with him, if I could just hold on a little longer. Hell, maybe I was crazy enough to dive in again if it meant he’d come after me.

My knight carefully dismounted before me then held out his hands. “Ya comin’ down?”

Of course, I took any opportunity to touch him. I reached forward as he approached, wrapping my arms around his neck as I clumsily maneuvered myself off of Sakanade. He wrapped his arms around me too, gently pulling me off and setting me on the grass just outside my castle. Grounded again, I anchored myself to this new reality, staring into his brown eyes, refusing to fully release him with my hands on his shoulders. He had yet to release me too, his hands hanging loosely at my waist.

“Master Hirako,” I began, with no idea where my sentence was going.

"It's Shinji,” he hastily corrected with a soft smile. “My name. You can call me that."

"Shinji,” I tested it out, liking the way it felt in my mouth. “Shinji?" I asked.

"Hm?" He hummed gently, that amused grin playing on his lips again.

"I meant what I said," I affirmed seriously.

"Ya said a lot of stuff, dollface,” he laughed quietly, licking his lips as he watched me. “You'll have to be more specific."

"About your mask,” I clarified. “It is beautiful..." You're beautiful, the words got lost again. Maybe I’d find the courage to say them someday.

His eyes searched my face. “Yer a real weirdo,” he decided, smirking. “Ya know that?”

I ignored him. "Will I see you again?"

“Do ya wanna see me again?” He pulled my hips, and effectively me, closer.

“I do,” I breathed.

"Can't ignore orders from the princess, now can I?” He grinned that toothy grin, the one that made me believe in love at first sight.

“No,” I agreed. “You can’t.”

He finally let go of me. My hands twitched at the absence of him in their hold. I tucked them behind me, frowning now that the time had finally come. I wracked my brain for ways to keep him longer, to touch him one last time. There was so much on the tip of my tongue, so much I left unsaid. I already started to worry. Would I see him again? Was this as serious to him as it was to me?

“You’d better hurry inside before ya get caught.” He nodded towards the castle. “Troublemaker.”

It came to me then, the final way in which I could touch him. I may not have been brave enough for words, but I could act. I could be the troublemaker he dubbed me.

He had a way of revealing truths to me. In my heart, as I pressed my lips to his cheek in a parting kiss, so near to the side of his mouth, I knew this was only the beginning.

“Come back,” I pleaded one last time. “My savior…”

I went inside, knowing that the longer I stayed, the more it would pain me to leave. I almost died, and yet all that remained in my mind was the mask I saw when I resurfaced. I looked down at his shirt again, clinging to my breasts, and his cloak, draped loosely around my hips. I stripped them off of my body, staring at them as they lay in a heap on the floor of my room, naked and alone, the same way he found me.

A/N: I do be feeling like Sakanade is a more feminine name but the childish part of me really wanted to slip in that piece about seeing big horse pp and being like OHHH THAT’S A BOY!

That’s all ;)

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