tboyrory

[tboyrory]

This one is gonna be personal. So I’ve been in college for exactly a week now, crazy to think about. And throughout the week it’s just been fucking hard. It’s a very “inclusive” school, like in definitely safe here. I trust the administration to support me in the face of harassment and discrimination.

But there’s some stuff that just comes with being a trans guy. The inclusive policies don’t stop guys on my boys only floor from looking at me weirdly, with three being friendly-tolerant towards me. (I bet it’d be bad if I tried to use the communal bathrooms but I have my own thankfully). Doesn’t stop the girls from staring at me because I don’t dress or act like them, I don’t act the stereotype everyone has in their had of a trans guy, I dress plain like the typical cis guys and my mannerisms, style, etc, look more like their idea of cis masculinity since I just want to fucking not look so out of place in male spaces more than I already do. And it can kind of get the guys to be more tolerant but for the most part, there’s such a sharp difference in how I’m treated and how others are treated. Cis guys are talked to, they get to be social butterflies, they thrive, my floor mates are already becoming buddies with each other and chatting with girls they like, my non passing transmasc friend I’ve found decided to blend himself in among the cis girls which I understand is a double edged sword. We had a conversation about how when we’re around women, as trans men, we feel pressured to do a performance and take on the role of someone that isn’t our self so they’re less disgusted or put off by our transness. Everyone gets to strike up chats with a stranger and roll with it and friend groups, but I’m just so clearly different in almost every single way, there’s few people that see me as a person with worth, or see me, and not a strange puzzle to solve, or some weird butch freak that doesn’t shave, strange looking boy with fem features and an odd voice, creepy lesbian (not even attracted to women), I get all the fucking varieties of “weird queer freak I don’t really want to talk to”

And there’s no one like me except that trans guy who’s going about it in the exact opposite way I am but at least we found some connection, although he’s having more success than me because he’s somewhat comfortable putting on the performance of femininity and has found fem (primarily cis) queer people to be in community with. I don’t get access to that, those same people that accept him, look at me no differently than how the cishet guys and girls look at me, maybe a little more open but I better not overstay my welcome or think I’m actually wanted.

I just had enough today and I didn’t want to leave my dorm at all. I dread going to classes. I don’t want to hear another fucking cishet guy going “ughhhh I haaate ice breakers” while he’s got a whole room full of people willing to chat with him and be his friend and talk to him patiently even when he’s fucking ignorant on things, and I’m sitting there stressed the fuck out because there’s this tension only I feel, that almost everyone in the room would talk to literally anyone except me, we talk a lot about tolerance and inclusion and how all those good Catholics are accepting of everyone, it’s just… a front. Idk if they actually believe in all that shit. I couldn’t leave my room. I called my closest family members, they had to come get me, I bordered onto having a crisis. I wished I could be almost anyone else despite how lucky and privileged I am.

I think we need to talk more about transmasc isolation, I feel like I’ve been on alert all week and I can’t turn it off anymore I can’t relax, someone who is of clearer mind than me right now could explain the systemic workings of this and everything at play here to either force trans men to conform to femininity or to live in social isolation or try to build community amongst ourselves as general lgbt spaces can really be a 50/50 sometimes. I’m not gonna touch on how it is for us within lgbt spaces (I kinda already did) because you’ll get privileged trans men and people who are not trans men screeching about “but we accept you!!! You’re accepted and celebrated!!!” but I know the situation there is fucking dire sometimes. I’m gonna see how the lgbt club here is when it starts up for the semester, it’s kind of my last hope at this point and my expectations are low.

[tboyrory]

for every white trans man that passes perfectly and experiences “male privilege” there are 1000 young black nonpassing transmascs like me who still have violence perpetuated against us every day and then have to come online to the communities they once considered “safe” bashing us for our identity btw

[tboyrory]

oh no, what happened to azrael, why did he deactivate? is he okay??

يا إلهي، ماذا حدث لعزرائيل؟ لماذا تم تعطيله؟ هل هو بخير؟ ( ترجمة سيئة لأنني استخدمتُ جهازًا، لكن قد يكون من الأسهل قراءتها )

Thank you for try, I don't think I can say right.

@amirmeavid

[tboyrory]

Hi everyone, if you’ve requested a reading from me, rest assured I will get to you with time! I can usually fit in two maybe three per day, because I really do sit down and carefully pay attention to my intuition and what the story your spread of cards tell me, and how to communicate that back to you, each and every single time. You, and your questions, have my full attention, for non tarot readers, it may be surprising to learn this requires quite a bit of mental effort, which is why I can’t sit down after one and go “okay next” and rush through the process. Please be patient as I make my way around

[tboyrory]

https://www.tumblr.com/tboyrory/792281182486265856/hi-id-love-a-timing-based-reading-tarot-my-q

woah thank you so much for this! i appreciate it alot 😊!!!

No problem! I hope things go well for you and you’re able to get the job you want

[tboyrory]

*Three of swords, I said hearts and just realized my mistake

hi! i’d love a timing-based reading (tarot!!) my q was: when will i get a real, stable job in the legal field? i’ve been stuck in this cycle for years and i’m looking for clear insight on timing, any signs, dates, seasons, or astrological clues your cards can offer would mean the world to me 💛 thank you so much! - h <3

To be completely honest, I’m not sure if I’m the one to help you with this as the cards work best as advisors, tools for self reflection or reflection of the world around you, and less for specific yes or no questions or specific time and dates but…. I pulled two cards for you.

Ace of cups and three of swords. Expect some disappointment. Swords are related to legal matters and since you asked about your legal career specifically, three of swords is the card of heartbreak and grief.

Ace of cups: You will get your moment, you might find a new place where the work environment is better or you have better relationships with your coworkers, some sort of seed is planted here and there’s really a lot of potential with this. It will just be awhile and you’ll likely experience a lot of disappointment and painful moments first. Cards have astrological correspondence, now I’m not very familiar with the astrological correspondence as I personally do not follow astrology, only tarot, oracle, maybe some other forms of divination, and my practice as a witch and Hellenic pagan. So to learn the astrological correspondence of the tarot cards, I will consult with my online guide. I’d recommend you consult with an astrologist for times, dates, and seasons. But for now, this might help. Three of swords, according to my guide, corresponds with Decan 2, Saturn in Libra, understand I have no clue what that means but apparently Saturns influence here brings a lot of negativity and sorrow. But more specifically what you’re looking for is the date on this, Libra Decan 2, when this occurs seems to vary year to year but it usually starts early October and ends mid October. So be on alert during October, this could be the three of swords event.

Ace of cups corresponds with all water zodiac signs. Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces. Cancer occurs June 21-July 22, Scorpio Oct. 23-Nov. 21, and Pisces Feb. 19-March 20. That is spread out all over the year but I’d say the cards are advising you to be on alert after experiencing a significant set back, you’ll find your opportunities to expand in your career, could be shortly after the set back, or maybe some several months, but the fact Ace of cups showed up at all in this reading tells me it shouldn’t be too far out of your reach. And like I said, for more specifics, someone more versed in astrology could provide better insight

[tboyrory]

hi! i’d love a timing-based reading (tarot!!) my q was: when will i get a real, stable job in the legal field? i’ve been stuck in this cycle for years and i’m looking for clear insight on timing, any signs, dates, seasons, or astrological clues your cards can offer would mean the world to me 💛 thank you so much! - h <3

To be completely honest, I’m not sure if I’m the one to help you with this as the cards work best as advisors, tools for self reflection or reflection of the world around you, and less for specific yes or no questions or specific time and dates but…. I pulled two cards for you.

Ace of cups and three of swords. Expect some disappointment. Swords are related to legal matters and since you asked about your legal career specifically, three of swords is the card of heartbreak and grief.

Ace of cups: You will get your moment, you might find a new place where the work environment is better or you have better relationships with your coworkers, some sort of seed is planted here and there’s really a lot of potential with this. It will just be awhile and you’ll likely experience a lot of disappointment and painful moments first. Cards have astrological correspondence, now I’m not very familiar with the astrological correspondence as I personally do not follow astrology, only tarot, oracle, maybe some other forms of divination, and my practice as a witch and Hellenic pagan. So to learn the astrological correspondence of the tarot cards, I will consult with my online guide. I’d recommend you consult with an astrologist for times, dates, and seasons. But for now, this might help. Three of swords, according to my guide, corresponds with Decan 2, Saturn in Libra, understand I have no clue what that means but apparently Saturns influence here brings a lot of negativity and sorrow. But more specifically what you’re looking for is the date on this, Libra Decan 2, when this occurs seems to vary year to year but it usually starts early October and ends mid October. So be on alert during October, this could be the three of swords event.

Ace of cups corresponds with all water zodiac signs. Cancer, Scorpio, Pisces. Cancer occurs June 21-July 22, Scorpio Oct. 23-Nov. 21, and Pisces Feb. 19-March 20. That is spread out all over the year but I’d say the cards are advising you to be on alert after experiencing a significant set back, you’ll find your opportunities to expand in your career, could be shortly after the set back, or maybe some several months, but the fact Ace of cups showed up at all in this reading tells me it shouldn’t be too far out of your reach. And like I said, for more specifics, someone more versed in astrology could provide better insight

[tboyrory]

Hey, I saw that you're giving out free readings ❤️. Please pull some cards for me - it can be a general reading. My favourite colour is Purple and my sun sign is Sagittarius (just thought that might add some identity since it's a general reading💜)

Hi yes just did a quick draw for you, a past, present, and future one

Past: Page of swords

This page is all about energy, curiosity, and knowledge, so this card showing up to represent your past indicates that perhaps in your past, which influences you now, there were feelings of curiosity, passion, a honed sharpness, a period of energy, maybe this is a period of your life or you could just be be a passionate, witty, communicative person The swords are about logic and intellect, communication, conflict, wit. It seems in the past you have wielded yours with a sharp mind but it is important to be careful with swords, as we can just as easily hurt ourselves or those we care about.

Present: Death

This card indicates a possible change in your life, a beginning of a new cycle. The past influences the present so maybe a strive for knowledge, or a venture born from passion, has led you to something new. Perhaps changes in yourself or your environment. It could be a peaceful change or one a bit more destructive, as death can be peaceful or destructive, either way there is now room for something new in yourself or your life to grow.

Future: Justice Reversed + 2 clarifying cards

This one is complicated. To start, the future represents potential outcomes or your unconscious expectations of the future. Do you have expectations of being wronged by someone? Or perhaps your judgement could be clouded and miss something that is unjust? I feel the cards here are trying to caution you. I pulled a clarifying card for this because to be honest as your reader, I’m a little stumped and it’s a bit ominous. The good and bad news is that it is ten of swords reversed. I think this could be a sign of uncertainty in the future, perhaps you’re expecting to hit a wall, a tragedy could await or you’re expecting tragedy. With change brings uncertainty, and there’s something in your future you need to be on the look out for relating to injustice and defeat. Ten of swords signals the end of something. The finality of it. The reason it’s good news is because what’s done is finally done and the only way from here is up. You might be expecting someone to hurt you, due to the combination of justice reversed and ten of swords reversed, or someone/something slightly troubling you right now, could be a bigger issue later. My guide that I refer back to when stuck on a reading states “there is an opportunity to correct what has hurt you” on ten of swords reversed.

I pulled just one more clarifying card to wrap this up and it’s four of swords reversed. Burnout, restlessness, whatever it is you’re looking ahead at, has the chance to burn you out and make you tired.

All in all:

You have a lot of swords here. This is the cards sensing conflict, and three reversals, meaning lack of clarity. The story the spread tells goes like this: the young and adventurous page of swords sets out on a journey fueled by passion, logic, and wit. They are sharp of mind and sharp of tongue yet they are still young and still exploring. They encounter change, the end of something and the beginning of something new but this change seems to have brought with it anxiety or new circumstances they find themselves under, judgements are clouded, conflict is high, there is repressed energy, and ultimately burn out. The page hits a wall but the storm has passed over. Tired though they may be, it only goes up from here. Remember, cards in the “future/outcomes” position should not be taken as “this will literally happen” but as a warning, or a sign you are experiencing high levels of anxiety. I wish you the best of luck and since this reading hasn’t quite ended on the most positive note, rather a quiet and somewhat tired one with bits of hope, feel free to come back sometime and we’ll see what the cards say then or consult a different reader for interpretations of this reading.

[tboyrory]

six card draw please!

Alright so there’s a lot to unpack with this six card draw because there’s six questions to cover. But also I forgot to stick to major arcana only and did major and minor 😭

That’s okay tho because when you make a mistake in tarot, it’s always best to just go with it anyway, there’s no right or wrong way to do tarot.

There is a general review at the end because the point can a little lost with these walls of text

Card 1. “How you feel about yourself right now”

Chariot Reversed

So I usually avoid making assumptions based off the cards and tell people themselves what the cards mean and what it implies. In this case, it could be aggression, lack of control, that you have no goals or direction to go towards, or that you feel overwhelmed and surrounded by chaos. Think of it this way, you’re the driver of a chariot with horses. Chariot Reverse is when you lose control of those horses and they’re going in whichever direction they want.

Card 2. “What you most want at this moment”

Six of pentacles

So six of pentacles is about sharing the good in your life or perhaps receiving good things, either way, it represents generosity and humbleness. Perhaps you wish to be more in touch with your community so you can support or give to them, and/or you wish you had a support network that could better help you. Maybe you just have things you wish you could give to others or experience along side them. The pentacles are about wealth and abundance, six of pentacles can be related to not just charity but also community.

Card 3. “Your fears”

Page of Pentacles Reversed

Put simply, the fear of perhaps greed, or lack of motivation. No commitment or ambition. Pages are all about exploration, curiosity, learning new things, and the paths they take are represented by their suits. Page of cups, page of wands, page of swords, page of pentacles. They represent the bright eyed curious inner child of their suits. However this page, the page of pentacles reversed, this page fears disappointment. Fears greed, maybe from themselves or others. They’ve lost ambition, or fear that they’re selfish sometimes, they overthink, maybe too many ambitions for them to hold on to that they lost all ambition, they fear they’ve bitten off more than they can chew, or fear having no ambition at all. Ultimately, some imbalance of motivation, and not having balance of when to be selfless and serve others but not letting them walk over you, and taking care of yourself but not letting yourself become selfish. When you see a reversed card, there’s two ways to go about it. 1. It’s what the card represents normally, but taken to the extremes. Or 2. Whatever the card is normally is what is lacking. Which is why page of pentacles can represent someone that is either overly ambitious or not ambitious at all.

Card 4. “What is going for you”

Ace of Pentacles

Aces are similar to pages, but more focused on new beginnings and potential. Ace of pentacles is about opportunities, stability, and security. Tying this back to the previous cards, this set shows opportunities present that could be shared with others, yet losing that opportunity or losing motivation to keep going forward. Anxiety around opportunities. Overthinking, anxiety around the path forward. Ace of pentacles is a very positive card but in this drawing, it is surrounded by cards of anxiety and feelings of chaos.

5. “What is going against you”

Seven of wands reversed

I’d like to say, I also used this card as a follow up to card 3, page of pentacles reversed, and also had a gut feeling to put it here as well. For context, this wasn’t like “oh this card fits here and here” as I don’t flip the cards over until I’ve felt like everything is where it should be. This card being a follow up to 3 but also the fifth card was based off just gut instinct.

Seven of wands normally is about protecting what you have, protecting yourself from those trying to tear you down and impede on your boundaries, maintaining control, and having firm boundaries. This reversed represents overly defensiveness, avoiding support, an overwhelming amount of people or things that want to tear you down and destroy your confidence in yourself. Being overwhelmed, people or someone attacking you where it hurts the most. This being here and this also as a follow up card to question 3 shows even more anxiety around ambition in this spread, perhaps fear of rejection or fear for safety or fear of being attack in some way, or perhaps that too many people will take advantage of you and walk over your boundaries. Seven of wands reversed encourages us to let go of knee jerk reactions and be more open to support from others if possible.

Card 6. “The outcome according to your current situation”

The Hermit

Do not be alarmed. This is a pretty good card. It is all about solitude, but the reflective and introspective kind. Knowledge from within yourself. To connect back to your inner voice, you must step away from the crowd otherwise their demands drown will drown out your goals, aspirations, and ambitions. The Hermit is alone not because he is lonely but because he is in search of truth, knowledge, knowledge of himself, and the loud chaotic crowds are a threat to that. He does not know for sure where he is going and he only has the light of his lantern to guide him, he walks alone in the dark. In this position, he represents an outcome that could be achieved by taking time to yourself, disconnecting from those that do not serve you any good, listening to your inner voice, and taking chances even if in the dark. He may not know where he is going or what awaits him but he knows as long as he is connected to his inner voice and reason, and stays true to himself, he will be okay.

Review

All in all, the cards seem to suggest you just take a step back to calm down, if you don’t know where you’re going or what’s going on, that’s alright, just step away when things are overwhelming, rely on others for support, and be vulnerable for others as well. Motivation and ambition can be difficult, they’re not the only way to go about, you can be guided simply by curiosity, peace, or desire for inner knowledge of yourself. The cards suggest you look around you and see what opportunities are currently available, and take it all one step at a time rather to avoid burnout.

[tboyrory]

Duude can I get a reading from your grandma's deck? 👍 Thanks

Sure, let me know if there’s a specific question you want to ask the cards. For a general reading, a three card draw representing past, present, and future. This is good if you want something sweet and simple.

Or a six card draw specifically from the major arcana. The card positions will represent: How you feel about yourself now. What you most want at this moment. Your fears. What is going for you. What is going against you. The outcome according to your current situation.

[tboyrory]

the tarot stuff seems cool. i dont know much about it, but could i get one? or the oracle thing, whatevers easier :))

Sure, so with Oracle cards, the meanings are invented by the reader or by the creator, different oracle decks have different meanings unlike tarot cards where while different tarot readers interpret things differently, the meanings generally stay in the same. Like, the death card is universally considered to mean change. And each oracle deck is unique in the number of cards and what each card is. I do have a guide to my oracle cards, I feel the oracle cards give much more broad answers open to a lot of different interpretations, tarot narrows it down some more.

I have my great grandma’s deck, which can be used for pretty much anything. I do believe in tarot, I don’t treat it like a game, but I respect people that don’t believe in the spiritual, yet use tarot as a tool for insights. My great grandma’s deck feels powerful and warm for me, good for heavier life questions, the emotional, or general use.

Then I have an occult deck which is good if you’re a believer in spiritual things, but less so for romance or love readings. Or if you’re just feeling down and need insight, advice, I feel this deck gives a good nudge.

I’ve only used the oracle cards a handful of times so I can’t quite say much about them but I absolutely adore them

Let me know which one sounds intriguing to you. A part of tarot is picking based on gut feelings and intuition, readers often let the readee have choice here

[tboyrory]

I realize while I’d spoken about it privately, I hadn’t actually said anything about the doxing at all here, which, I had college activities all day so yeah, but I’m sure many of us, including myself, were scared. I was checking back every now and then to make sure I wasn’t named. And that was the fucking point. To scare us. Most of those names weren’t even correct, primary targets were people from the global south speaking out that were either trans masc and men, or people in support of trans mascs and men. One person deactivated his account and his voice will be missed in these conversations we have on the struggles of our trans brothers in the global south. If anyone needs to talk about anything that happened today, DMs are open, I’ve personally talked about it with a few others and a good friend of mine, I have severe social anxiety and between all the college activities but also having this hanging over my head, I know I’m just definitely tired now. Stay safe. That account is gone now but there could be more to come. I feel as a community it is our responsibility to be there for trans youth during times like this, so I’m opening my DMs to 16 and up, instead of just 18 and up. I’m not sure what I can do to better support you all other than just be an open door for conversation about what happened today.

[tboyrory]

I’ve got a hundred followers now which really isn’t anything to brag about or whatever but I just find it neat so I’m going to do something I’ve always wanted to do now that I have a captive audience for it, and offer free tarot services. Or you can ask for an oracle reading as well. I don’t know if literally anyone is going to take up this offer but we can do it in DMs, or through an anon ask, or public ask for people that just really don’t give a damn. I have two tarot decks, one oracle set, I’ll provide more details on those if prompted to but each of them are suited to different readings.

Please be patient though as I’ve moved into a university campus just recently and am still settling in so while I have free time, it’ll take me awhile to reply.

Anyway that’s all

Oh also I’ve been doing readings for a few years now so I’m fairly experienced even if I don’t do them too often

[tboyrory]

So I’m at the stage in my transition where I’ve switched to the men’s bathroom, because people swear up and down I pass (hey, note to all the cis people reading this, DON’T tell your trans friends they pass just to make us feel better, this shit can put us in actual danger if we believe you! Just be honest! Tell me if I’m clockable, it’s for my safety!)

Anyway, so I go into the men’s restroom today, it’s empty, only guy in there is a worker that’s cleaning the stalls. There’s a freshly cleaned one thank fuck. Right as I’m about ready to enter, a group of at least five or more cis boys (late teens or young adults) head right in and I just hear, “hey, this is the men’s right?”

I duck into the stall. I sit there for ten minutes waiting for these guys to leave, they’re loud as fuck and yelling at each other and one of them won’t shut the fuck up about a “woman in the bathroom” with them. And his friends are all like, “really, where?” “I think a stall” and I just have to sit there until they leave. I’m texting my friend in the stall because she’s right outside. She’s trying to assure me that they aren’t paying attention to me, they’re likely just doing their business. No, one of them, the one that clocked me, was very much interested in me. She tells me when they’ve finally left.

She seems to understood that I was in some danger, but I had to explain to her just how much, because she really thought I could just walk out of there and be okay. “What, did you think they’d like ambush you outside the stall? Or harass you?”

Fucking yes? One of them kept saying “there’s a woman in here” to his friends. And why did it take so fucking long for them to finally leave?

On a funny note, someone came over to the stall, and some guy was like, “I think someone’s tryna take a shit in there” it was just me waiting lmao. Also I’m two years on testosterone, high dose, I need people to shut the fuck up about how we all pass perfectly after like a year.

[tboyrory]

There’s something I want to add on here but I’m not quite sure how to say it. I’m from both a red state and a blue state, born from the red state initially which is why I can’t get my birth certificate fixed 🙃

Anyway it’s really frustrating when my friends from this more wealthy progressive state in the northeast freak the fuck out every time I go off to visit family and friends in the south or Midwest, or insist the university I’m going to will be a miserable time for me and how I’m putting myself in extreme danger by being there, as if I haven’t lived in that area for years. Yes, it was actually my midwestern rural Christian grandparents that bought me boy’s clothes and immediately switched to using my preferred name, three years before my atheist “progressive” parents did. Sure it definitely didn’t go that way for many trans people with rural/rural adjacent families, I’d say I’m an outlier, not the norm, but it’s really annoying when people who have literally never stepped foot in any of these places, talk so confidently about the people that live there and how stupid I am for going back (to a place where I have many people that accept me and is very diverse and progressive actually)

hey now that we are talking about not villainizing men as it hurts queer men, can we not villainize rural/southern/appalachian/hillbilly people as it hurts the queer people who are those? thanks

-sign, an appalachian, hillbilly trans man who sees and hears more about why appalachians are all bigots and deserve to suffer for their supposed generalized bigotry in the queer community than i do about misandry

[tboyrory]

hey now that we are talking about not villainizing men as it hurts queer men, can we not villainize rural/southern/appalachian/hillbilly people as it hurts the queer people who are those? thanks

-sign, an appalachian, hillbilly trans man who sees and hears more about why appalachians are all bigots and deserve to suffer for their supposed generalized bigotry in the queer community than i do about misandry

[tboyrory]

I did not fucking agonize for a full year and end up in one of the worst depressive spirals for months on end due to a breakup to be told “that wasn’t a serious relationship” because it was a non monogamous relationship

I don’t know why I try anymore. Making friends is like… okay, so we got through the whole “I’m trans” part, cool. Got through the gay + trans part. Nice. Hellenic pagan? Going good. Mixed race part? Still smooth, maybe a bump from a white person saying “yeah but like you’re actually white”. ADHD? Good. OCD? Still good. Severe depression? That’s chill too.

It’s the fucking polyamory this time.

It’s always something.