tboyrory

[tboyrory]

Got blocked by the cis guy who's been going around saying that all trans men benefit from the patriarchy for daring to ask how exactly I benefit from the patriarchy as a visibly trans guy who does not pass and gets treated worse than when I still thought I was a cis woman. It's so funny how they never can give you an example, all they can do is hope none of their followers read your lived experiences and start to question their authority even a little bit. It sure would be terrible if trans people were allowed to speak with authority on our own lives.

[tboyrory]

You mentioned DARVO in the transandrophobe bingo board

What exactly is DARVO because I never heard that term before

Deny, attack, reverse vicitm and offender. It's a classic tactic used by abusers, but which also shows up all over online discourse, in anything from fandom wank to past queer discourses (aphobia in particular - I remember). It's especially rank in transandrophobia discourse, too.

A transmasc will say: 'hey you are using a slur that was designed to hurt me (i.e. theyfab). Stop that. It's bigoted and wrong'

Transandrophobes will respond: 'that is not true. You ARE just a silly little theyfab, because you don't understand the origins of the term (even though the term very obviously originated on 4chan as a slur against afab nonbinary and transmasc people). In fact, by saying that I'm not allowed to use this slur against you, and mockingly degrade you as I please, you are trying to tone police me and/or being transmisogynistic. You are bad and you should feel bad.'

And the other classic is this. A transmasc talks about: how they were subjected to sexual violence and says they are sick of transandrophobes diminishing what was done to them/claiming they don't understand why they were targeted.

In response, transandrophobes will say: 'You're being hysterical. This isn't that bad compared to what transfems go through (1) untrue 2) why does this even matter; it isn't a competition). Actually transmascs are only raped more because most of them date cismen so they brought it on themselves (ACTUAL ARGUMENT THAT WAS POSITED NOT LONG AGO by I think plaidos? I've seen receipts but don't keep them personally - but please share if you have them to hand! It was pure victim blaming nonsense). In fact, by talking about rape-led detransition aimed specifically at transmascs, you are excusing transmascs who rape transfems (what even is this argument. no we're not.) and are claiming that transfems never get raped (no we're not doing that either), so you are committing transmisogyny by speaking about this. You're the bad guy here - you are oppressing me by talking about your own rape using your own terms.'

It's a very gross and abusive tactic to shut down victims & oppressed groups who are trying to call out bigoted attacks on them.

It's already incredibly difficult and brave to speak up about transandrophobic sexual assault, in particular, but also all other kinds of targeted oppression. Victims often doubt themselves and try to excuse their attackers and demonise themselves. By using DARVO tactics, transandrophobes try to force victims to 'sit down and shut up'. They use this internal fear of inadequacy/self-blame felt by so many victims - a fear that is literally exacerbated by the transandrophobic assaults in question - to silence the targets of their bigotry.

Anyone who claims that marginalised people who are speaking out against targeted oppression are actually oppressing others just by having this conversation, is using DARVO tactics.

[tboyrory]

Intersex liberation fights for AGAB as a system of oppression to be abolished- nobody would be assigned a sex in a perfect word. (For the perisex person about to comment this is stupid: Sex traits would be taken into account in a medical context but there would be no such categorizations as male or female - which are just lists of individual sex traits)

So, if your definitions of transness as a perisex person are solely based on AGAB, that means you are basing an integral part of your identity on a system of intersexist subjugation that directly results in our culling (selective abortions & infanticide) and subsequent medical torture if we survive the culling.

Defining trans woman as "Woman who was AMAB" and trans man as "Man who was AFAB" and transgender generally as "person who does not identify with their AGAB" is intersexist and it will always be intersexist. How on earth would these people define transness in a world post intersex liberation where nobody has an AGAB? The answer is, they don't want that world to happen. They believe in improving oppressive social structures juuuussst enough for sex variant perisex people to live comfortably within it, but not us. Not those of indeterminate sex.

I'm fucking done with giving grace to perisex devils (cis & trans) whose sense of self relies on my extermination.

I agree 100% and I wish more perisex people listened to us on this topic.

[tboyrory]

uvb76fan is posting in this tag talking about all the ways trans men have it “worse”, while misrepresenting the statistic she is citing. most likely banking on no one looking closer or reading the links.

this person is a terf. if you search trans on her blog it is immediately clear, i am not using terf loosely she is literally actually a terf.

we cannot let our weariness at not being heard by some of our community push us into the sick and malformed arms of transmisogyny and radical feminism, these people do not care about us at all, they are trying to harm every single one of us. our solidarity with trans women, men and people as whole should cause us to slam hard on the breaks. no matter how many trans women you see being antitransmasculine it does not mean that there are not so many more who are our genuine allies, do not let the algorithm pushing hateful person after hateful person your way skew your understandings. the transphobes want dissent, they want us to tear each other apart. we do not need to contribute to the harm to have ours lessened. (causing harm to a vulnerable minority is never morally correct no matter what got you there in the first place. also straight up trans women are easy to love and are inherently deeply deserving of community solidarity, and fascism (which terfs are) should not have any appeal whatsoever no matter how hurt you are but i digress.)

on another note: we cannot and must not reactively take on the mentalities of trans rad fems, no gender in the trans community needs to be the most oppressed to be taken seriously and given respect in our community, the equality in our suffering is immense and must be acknowledged without each group needing to prove we are the most victimized to get the care and community support we need. this is harmful no matter who is doing it. we absolutely must nip this kind of thinking in the bud.

push back on terfs in this tag everywhere you can, and if there is a reason you cannot comment or reblog to shut them down, block them on sight.

[tboyrory]

“How dare you say we piss on the poor!”

If you tell me that I sound emotional and irrational when I talk about my own oppression, and what I’m describing isn’t actually oppression but a victim complex, then yeah, I’m gonna make the mental connection to the chuds and reactionaries online and ones in my own life that call trans men mentally ill women, saying shit like “people just wanna be a victim”. Down play the misogyny I face and call me irrational for being angry about it, I’m going to count it as part of the hundreds of times others have said and done the same throughout my life, when I lived as a girl, when I was nonbinary for a period in my life, and now as a trans masc. It ain’t rocket science, someone that’s used to hearing the same dog whistle again and again has a strong and negative reaction to hearing it, in other news, water is wet and grass is usually green. Let’s not use a dog whistle that’s often been weaponized against all types of marginalized people, against someone who’s marginalized in multiple different ways.

[tboyrory]

Also one of my annoyances with “trans men don’t experience degendering to the same extent or as often”, I actually have a story on this.

My first identity was nonbinary for a short period of time although this was before my parents found out. When they found out, I had realized I’m a boy, how they found out is kind of stupid. When I got a phone, and set it up, I accidentally turned on iCloud settings for everything, and I had photos of myself trying very clearly to pass as male and secretly putting on boy’sclothes (which I wasn’t allowed to do), voice training videos, pictures of what type of binder I wanted, memes, just a lot of trans shit, you know how it is when you’re freshly out to yourself and exploring.

So first what happened was yet again, still not allowed to wear masculine clothes, could only wear feminine clothing, which they checked every morning, was once held down and had a skirt forced on me. I endured that for only two more years. And then my mother told me I’m nonbinary (it had been over two years since I identified as such, and she had no clue I ever was). She even made a “coming out” post on facebook with me dressing androgynously. My pronouns became they/them. They even got me a they/them mug. Now this doesn’t sound all that bad, and sure it was an improvement, but I still had to use my deadname, and misgendering was treated like, “well you’re a boy, AND a girl.” Emphasis on girl, because that made she/her still acceptable to use for me. But I couldn’t be… just a boy. I had to be nonbinary. So yet again I was living as nonbinary, at least around my entire family, because the whole Facebook post thing, experienced exorsexism despite not even being nonbinary, and it wasn’t for another year and half that I was finally allowed to just be a guy.

Literally how much more could I have experienced significant degendering? For over a year, I was forced to choose between being living as a girl, or being nonbinary, actually I didn’t even get a choice, my mom woke me up from an afternoon nap and said “come on, you’re coming out as a they/them on Facebook.” She saw it as a compromise or something, idfk what was going through her head, I’m too scared to ask.

I find it funny now and make jokes about it “assigned nonbinary by mother”, but I was fucking miserable throughout this whole ordeal of just trying to live as a boy.

Also this is fairly common for some reason, I’m not the only trans guy to have had this exact thing happen to.

[tboyrory]

If you tell me that I sound emotional and irrational when I talk about my own oppression, and what I’m describing isn’t actually oppression but a victim complex, then yeah, I’m gonna make the mental connection to the chuds and reactionaries online and ones in my own life that call trans men mentally ill women, saying shit like “people just wanna be a victim”. Down play the misogyny I face and call me irrational for being angry about it, I’m going to count it as part of the hundreds of times others have said and done the same throughout my life, when I lived as a girl, when I was nonbinary for a period in my life, and now as a trans masc. It ain’t rocket science, someone that’s used to hearing the same dog whistle again and again has a strong and negative reaction to hearing it, in other news, water is wet and grass is usually green. Let’s not use a dog whistle that’s often been weaponized against all types of marginalized people, against someone who’s marginalized in multiple different ways.

[tboyrory]

Like actually please, don’t mention it on here, because a few people have made the connection

If you know my alt account, no you don’t

[tboyrory]

If you know my alt account, no you don’t

[tboyrory]

Long Black Sighs

I was never a white woman. I hate the constant speaking to us in this tag like we all are. Shut up. Many of us are not white and therefore don't have this magical scared white lady mindset to unpack. The fact that you are here, right now, putting this vile shit in the tags, shows you haven't considered tmoc in the tag at all and shows you still have plenty of that white ass mindset to unpack.

Also: You say you "saw through" it meaning you never actually fucking engaged us at all. The term transandphobia itself was coined by a poc. It wasn't some transmisogyny front to be a scared white woman, its a word to decribe the real lived experiences of opression faced by trans men/trans masc. You're making up a hidden transmisogyny instead of adressing the very open transmisogyny in a bunch of very real places.

That's your weird view don't project that on us, ya fucking freak.

[tboyrory]

One of her posts was literally just her going off on about how she’s so supportive of other marginalized groups and how she recognizes her privilege as a white person and says it’s important to listen to marginalized people even if it makes her uncomfortable, the importance of internal work and all that, overcoming the defensive reactions to being told she’s privileged, and yet here we are again. She actually thinks intersex people are oppressing her, fucking wild. This might sound awful but she’s deflected to her experience as a white person unpacking white privilege quite a handful of times in conversations on tme/tma that I think she’s actually just using it as an excuse to not have to do anymore work unpacking other biases and privileges she might have. I don’t know if she’s actually done that internal work she speaks of because I’ve seen her treat it like an accessory more than anything tbh, a get out of jail free card to point to and go “see! I can recognize my privilege!” while talking down to people that criticize trans feminist theory. On a previous post I spoke of a blogger that misappropriates racial topics to compare their oppression to that of POC, this is who I was referring to, well one of them at least. To be clear, there were at least three of them everything I said above applies to.

Hey so this is like extremely intersexist. Like mask-off intersexism if you think perisex/intersex is in any way comparable to tme/tma. Anyone reblogging this is not an ally of intersex people and needs to change their heart or shut up forever.

[tboyrory]

Long rant incoming

When you argue male privilege is solely identity based, therefore anyone identifying as male can access it, you not only ignore the fact trans men, socially, within the structures of patriarchy, are not at all classified as men, and the vast majority of society (not just America, as in everywhere), we are grouped in with women, forced to be women, but you are also making a claim that anyone, literally fucking anyone, can access male privilege, regardless of gender assigned at birth. Privilege is exclusive. That’s why it’s called privilege. Not everyone gets male privilege, that’s the whole fucking point of its existence. You can’t identify your way into it, but also the argument gives water to the radfem myth that trans men transition into privilege and to gain privilege. I thought we already debunked this and went over it?

My birth certificate says female. As does all of my government issued IDs. My legal name is feminine. In the eyes of the state, that is who I am, which isn’t me, but my actual self means jack shit to the government. In the eyes of society, and the majority of cis men, I am something to “fix”. My body isn’t mine, it belongs to some supposed future husband, or something for the pleasure and benefit of cis men. But actually though, I’ve never spoken about it on here but I make adult content on a different site, and I can say from personal experience, the entitlement a lot of cis men think they have towards my body. “You should quit testosterone” “don’t cut off your breasts”

If me stating this pisses you off or you feel the need to “uM akshually” it, first, question why. Why does me telling you my lived experience and how I’m viewed and treated within society upset you? Why do you feel the need to “prove” me wrong, especially the first paragraph? Secondly, fuck off. I’m talking about something sensitive and personal, this ain’t the place for you to drag me into an emotionally draining two hour discussion to “educate” me on my own fucking life. Don’t even try that shit if you’re not a trans guy, fuck it, don’t try that shit if you’re white as well, because even though I’m not talking about this in a racially relevant way, y’all seem to try and make comparisons with race and gender that you don’t understand, and a lot of the people who’ve had awful takes and theories on privilege, were usually (not always) white, and I’m quite sick of seeing the same white trans people lecturing trans POC on how privilege works. When you’re white and explaining white privilege to a person of color, you’ve lost the fucking plot.

If anyone knows shit about how cis men perceive and treat trans guys, I’ve got actual experience with this, and fuck anybody who speaks over me on it. Fuck anyone that isn’t a trans guy lecturing me or telling me how cis men treat me, how they view me. I know what the fuck I’m talking about. I’m excluded, or subconsciously viewed and treated as a fragile little girl who they humor by using my pronouns, I’ve got guys coming into my DMs saying they can fix me when I explicitly state detrans kink is a hard fucking no. I like what I do and the connections I build from making and selling content, but I know all this only happens, all the engagement I get, is because the men honest to god just see me as female. If I were a cis boy, and present about as masculine as I always do, I wouldn’t get the same engagement. In fact, engagement significantly drops for trans masc adult content creators when they get top surgery.

This is also just my experience, I’m not even getting into the stories and experiences of trans men from religious cults, extremely conservative towns, countries outside of the US and UK. Trans men where getting the status of male in their society is impossible. If you actually live somewhere where male privilege is identity based and trans men can easily access male privilege, first tell me fucking where because I’d love to see it with my own eyes, but also, consider how that in of itself is a privilege, since that’s not a possible for the vast majority of trans men globally.

This was supposed to be constructively addressing what I talk about in first paragraph but uhhh…… y’know what I’m not even gonna give an explanation.

[tboyrory]

my family calls me a white wannabe for choosing the name rory, so i just get happy when i see someone else with that name

Also that’s bullshit. Yes the name is of Irish origin but a big reason that I took on the name is because of a black music artist named Raury who created one of my favorite songs, Devil’s Whisper. I was on the fence about taking on the name but then I realized I’d share the same name as one of my favorite artists, although spelled differently and maybe pronounced slightly differently? But I’d prefer that so it wasn’t like I was stealing this guy’s name. I also took on the name Jude for a good bit before Rory. I hopped around.

[tboyrory]

im a tboy named rory too!!

Fuck yeah! It’s a kick ass name

[tboyrory]

actually. fuck you. i get to be a trans qirl. i get to say that i am transitioning to a cultural womanhood that isn't inherently western and white. i am transitioning from the trauma of forcing myself to be something im not (white) in order to get ahead. I dont need a white name to be accepted. i dont.

if you still think transness is dependent on transitioning from one body type and changing your hormones, you're thinking like the folk who want to ban us and intersex people from sports. fuck you.

like i have memories of failing to fit in and failing to be seen as attractive or seen as even a part of the rest of the women around me because of my womanhood, which was viewed as other than womanhood because i didn't fit into Jezebel or Mammy. I was a stud.

young black kids around my age literally forced themselves to be sexualized in order to fit into white womanhood and be seen as girls. all while i was just a bitch, a nigga, a stud. that's all i was. never a woman and not one saw me as one and they don't see me as one either.

i dont need to look like a woman to be a woman, i define what womanhood looks like and if that looks like chin hair, fatness, black skin, and HRT - let it fucking look like that but I am still a woman.

been on hrt for 2 years, planning to get surgeries, has a culturally gendered fem state. tell me how i am not allowed to be a trans woman other than mentioning the institution's intersexist routine to assign babies with AGABs in order to put them into binaries of sex.

define transness without reaffirming how you think men and women are opposites and how the sexes are important to you even when you believe your hrt makes you a different sex. it's almost as if transness is just being something other than performing cisness, as Julia put it.

i have a cultural gender and i am not going to just let people's white ideals of sex identity fool me into thinking that i can't be trans when there is real oppression in being anything other than a white cishetnormative western gender. i experience both transmisogyny and transandrophobia on a daily basis because i happen to look masculine (higher DHEA and T) but also be a woman. they don't know what i am and think me a man but also not white woman enough to be cis, then they will clock me. i am not exempt for anything, get your white centered, passing language away from me!!!!

[tboyrory]

(spoiler alert!)

we're gonna get right into it with Hadir's betrayal from Call Of Duty: Modern Warfare (2019)

In 1999, General Barkov of the Russian army invaded Urzikstan, seeing it as a place full of unruly terrorists. In this invasion he utilized chemical weaponry as a means to weaken and control the population.

Two residents and children of Urzikstan, Farah and Hadir Karim, witnessed their hometown being taken by Russian soldiers, and witnessed their mother and then their father die by the hands of a wounded Russian. Hadir (9) was knocked unconscious, and Farah (7), was left to wound and disable him with a screwdriver. When Hadir rose, he assisted Farah in killing the man, and they stole his and their father's gas mask and escaped through a nearby poppy field where they were forced to stealthily kill two more soldiers. They were caught by another pair, and though it isn't directly shown, they experienced General Barkov's abuse firsthand as he picked them up and threw them back into the truck.

After several years, Farah and Hadir found themselves older and captive in a prison of Barkov's. Hadir managed to find an unidentified key, and tossed it to Farah. She escapes and frees some friends of hers, as she finds out the unidentified key unlocked a safe containing assault rifles, and pushes through the compound to locate and free Hadir. She almost dies, but is saved by three British SAS soldiers- one of them being then-lieutenant John Price.

Several years later, now-captain Price sends a US Marine Alex to help a friend of his. This friend, Farah, now commands an army to drive the Russian army out of Urzikstan and defeat Al-Qatala, a more recent terrorist group believing in total anarchy and genocide (their name is Arabic for "the killing"). Alex helps Farah and Hadir with many things. (I'll skip over a lot of it. Along the way, though, both Alex and Farah's army of guerillas and Captain Price and several other characters- namely Kyle Garrick, or Gaz- come across two terrorist leaders. Omar "The Wolf" Sulamon and Jamal "The Butcher" Rahar. Both of them are relatively shallow characters in the context of this game.) Alex inquires about why she fights the way she does, and Farah responds saying the chemical gas kills everything from people to plants in civilian gardens. She tells Alex she considers anyone who uses chemical warfare an enemy for her trauma and this reason.

Now there's a highly sentimental and important village Farah wishes to defend. Hadir teaches Alex to snipe and gives him his custom sniper rifle (which he instructs Alex to defend with his life) and they hold back the Russians. Farah installs IEDs, though once the Russian troops push up to the top of the hill the village is on it becomes clear that such firepower isn't enough. Hadir asks Alex to come with him for some more firepower (being deliberately vague with his words) and they run to a truck on another road. Alex opens the truck bed and sees the chemical gas, which automatically activates. He starts to scold Hadir but realizes he needs a gas mask, so he begins moving. He's about 30 meters away when he passes out, and Hadir gives him a gas mask and wakes him. He brings Alex to a small sealed area and gives Farah a gas mask, though she shoves him and yells at him to get off of her for what he's done. Hadir lets go and puts his hand on the now laying Alex's chest, instructing him to convince Farah that it was a rational move.

Alex and Farah pass out. When they rise to Price and Kyle entering the area asking for Hadir, Farah tells them she wishes to kill him.

That's far enough. There's way more on Hadir but I do not own Modern Warfare II and I do not want to spoil the ending more than I have. (im gonna get mwii cuz i think itll be more quality fun than black ops 6 or 7 and besides ive been binging those "cod characters as vines" compilations which are based on the reboot series lol ^^)

I think you might like Spec Ops: The Line. Unfortunately it’s not on Steam anymore and a copy of it for the ps3 can be stupidly expensive, I’d let you borrow mine if I could, but there’s many videos about it on YouTube, although I highly recommend avoiding all of them if you want the RAW experience that game absolutely gives you. There’s a twist at the end that you really do not want spoiled.

I haven’t played the COD games but I’ve been getting into Metal Gear Solid, I’m not sure if I’d like the COD games but they do have intriguing plot beats it seems.

[tboyrory]

Good morning, I'm pretty sure you won't post this question because my account is brand new, but I have a huge problem that I've been holding inside for a few days now, because of which I can't eat, sleep, or function normally. I would really appreciate it if you could at least read my message if you don't want to post it.

I feel guilty for being a transgender binary man and not a non-binary person. There are a lot of "he/they" people here but very few "he/him" people, which is why I can't find a place for myself. I've seen a lot of blogs saying that people like me shouldn't exist, that there shouldn't be binary people, and that everyone should be "masculine" or "feminine." I feel bad about it, like I'm a bad person for not being able to use "he/they" pronouns. I don't know if I should force myself to do it, but I keep trying. I hate being a transgender person; I wish so much I was born a cisgender man. I hate it.

Tests by numerous psychologists have shown that I am not a non-binary person, but I want to fit into the group so much that I thought I would just start forcing myself to do it. I do not fit into this platform; I cannot find my place here. I am not a therian or anything like that. I am not non-binary, and I am not interested in politics. I would like to be just an ordinary, average human, a man. I would like to take care of work, stereotypically male interests. I would like to look good in a suit and have a beautiful beard. I want to meet other people like me; I want to enjoy life. But I can't; I feel like I do not fit in anywhere. My wish is to be a man.

-Marcin R.

I’m not sure if I’m the one who could give counsel on this. I’ve been on tumblr since February, and I’ve never exactly had this issue, as a binary trans guy, feeling as though I had to be nonbinary to belong here. I’m sure what you’re saying is real of course, as I’ve mentioned in previous posts the hate of trans masculinity. If you type in ftm into the search bar, there’s a handful of communities you can join revolving around being ftm, such as ftmblr, or you could scroll through some blogs and find some that resonate with you. Part of it might be an issue of which tags you’re in and what’s being recommended to you. If certain tags are a problem or if you notice reoccurring blogs that spread toxicity, or if it’s just something you don’t like, please do block those tags and blogs.

My introduction to tumblr a few months back was force masc, I have a side blog dedicated to it which I won’t name here because I know there’s minors that follow this blog and force masc can be sexual, not always of course, but it very much is within the kink realm. My point with mentioning it is with that specific community, there’s a lot of binary trans guys, some nonbinary, and a lot of guys that just want to be men, who love everything that comes with being a man. Even outside of force masc, there’s quite a handful of binary trans ftm bloggers, and if you want, we can continue this discussion in DMs, so I can send some more blogs for you to follow that might be more relatable.

What might be better as well could be not here on tumblr, I’m also active on Reddit every now and then, and the ftm subreddit, r/ftm, has its flaws but is overall a decent place to find community with other trans guys. I would encourage you to take what you told me here, and post it in r/ftmventing as there’s likely more people there who could relate and better understand. In that subreddit, I see a lot of users that also wish they were born cisgender and being trans is something painful to them. I personally don’t wish to be cis despite all the grief I’ve had over being trans, such as lost boyhood, dysphoria, feeling like I can never be free from womanhood because of little acceptance from society. I think that’s one reason I feel better placed here is because here, particularly with my force masc side blog and that community, being trans is celebratory, but I understand you want the experience and life that is no different to a cis man.

r/ftm and r/ftmventing are drastically different than tumblr, and I think better suited to what you’re looking for. As for tumblr, please just block whatever you don’t want to see. Unless you’re actively engaging in discourse and heated discussions, most people here block liberally as tumblr has very light moderation, meaning there’s a lot of hateful and harmful content on here (ask me about my first day on this site lmfao), and subreddits are more heavily moderated (could be argued that they’re over moderated depending on the community), so while you’ll still see heated discussions and negativity, it’s still different as mods step in whenever hate or threats of violence and such come out.

Also please take care of yourself, Marcin. I understand feeling like you can’t fit in anywhere, not just tumblr, but please take breaks from this platform if hate and harassment on here are making it difficult for you to sleep and eat. You are cared for by someone, and whoever that may be, wants you to take care of yourself.