teks9150 - Tumblr blog

[teks9150]

Jan 9, 2024

It's been a while pero parang i need someone to talk to. I need to cry. Emotional ako cos of my pills i know. Plus there's this song that really makes me calm and cry. (We've only just begun)

Siguro this song is our song kung makakabalik man tayo sa isat isa no?

I don't know why i'm not okay ☹️🥺 Nalungkot lang ako all of a sudden and felt the need to 😢 also, i can't sleep. Parang i am ready to let go? Bakit ganun? Biglaan? 😶

Hayyyy.

[teks9150]

Let's runaway. I want to. I would. But i can't be selfish. I'd sacrifice my happiness just for other people not to get hurt.

But i really do wanna spend the rest of my life with you and i'll wait. I'll wait for the perfect time. The right moment. The right universe. For us 🥺 i love you to bits and pieces, my OG🤍 my one and only.

[teks9150]

August 11

Just when everything will end 🏳️ i raise my white flag.

I give up. Sorry but i do.

[teks9150]

You know that I hate flowers, i really do. I hate surprises. But you're the only one who can make an exemption and i love you for trying.. i love you for doing those surprises. i love how you take care of me.. take care of us. I really wish its you and me in the end.

I'll hope for that one day, someday. Maybe it's us. So let's live our best lives. Love. Be happy and meet again. Fall in love again and finally have our forever.

I pray that God hears our heart's desires and make our worlds meet again. I pray for you, your battles, hopes and dreams come true at the right time. I pray that God grants you more patience more understanding more of what you need in order to reach and achieve your dreams. I love you more than you ever know, my clingy Kaje. I just love how i love you with the pain and tears. Most esp you, i love the person who always makes me smile and laugh hard. My happy pill. My almost. My great love. My heart🤍

[teks9150]

I will always, always love you☹️

[teks9150]

I just love you and your efforts😍 thank you for spoiling me and making me feel like yours.

I love youuu so so so much my clingyyy boy😍

Even though everything feels so tough between us you never fail to make me feel lighter. You just make my day better. 😌

A birthday to remember, indeed🥰

[teks9150]

Do i have a husband???? Parang wala that i can date anyone???

[teks9150]

It's just so sad.. i feel like falling deeper and deeper every single moment with you and it hurts😩 it really does. When you can't be with the person want to be.. its soo crazy☹️

[teks9150]

I don't understand why it has to be me. It had to be now. 🥺 iyak nanaman ba? I hate thinking of us. It pains me so much. Alam mo yung minsan, inaantay ko yung panahon na makikita mo flaws ko at masabi mo "buti nalang di tayo nagkatuluyan" 😭 siguro kung malalasing ako. Mas matindi ang iyak ko ngayon. I have my ideal man right there.. but we weren't meant to be.

It scares me that one day, one won't make sense anymore and one won't care anymore.😭

Its sad. And i have to cry this out.

Kasi alam kong wala na ko magagawa para satin☹️

[teks9150]

Oh hi tumblr😂 how have you been?😅

Guess i'd be here more than twitter. Minsan kasi i don't like anyone seeing what i feel or my thoughts. Sooo, here muna tayo maghanash sometimes😂

[teks9150]

In 5 years... where are we kaya? Hearing your plans out. I can't imagine being with you still in those days. I don't think i can stay and i'm so sorry😔

[teks9150]

I meet people and see their lives turn around. And yet i'm still not in the picture. Guess i'll never get married. Never have kids. Sad but i think i'll make that decision for him and me.

[teks9150]

Is it hust because of the pills or not. I should be happy. I am grateful but can't feel that happiness😭😭 lalo na pag isa lang anak ng magulang mo. Napakahirap. Patunayan ang sarili.

[teks9150]

I just saw this post on soc med and yeah we all get it. But, for the mental health of others kailangan din kasi may kausap personally. Otherwise, it may lead to sumth else din. We need some positivity and not let covid run our worlds.

Yes, you have to think of others too. Your parents, family, kids and seniors around you. But what if, that's the only thing that could save your sanity. Seeing others or talking to someone will be the only thing that could save your mental health?

We can be very careful and yet get covid or we can be careless and get it too. Regardless and no matter how careful we are we may still get it. I guess people are just taking and securing happy moments while they live. Kasi naman di mo alam kahit gaano ka kaingat kung isang iglap tamaan ka ng malala edi nasayang mo lang mga pagiingat na pinaggagawa mo. Not really the logic i would want to tell but just being realistic. Minsan kasi sa panahon ngayon di mo na alam ano iisipin at pano iisipin ang mga bagay bagay.

[teks9150]

I'm trying ny best to be strong. To stop thinking about negative thoughts. Be happy and appreciate life. But, there are a lot of Q's in my mind. Will i ever have a child of my own? Be happy with a family? Be a mom? Parang yun nalang nga inaasam asam ko e. Maging isang ina. Feeling ko that will be my greatest achievement. Or was i a good daughter? Did i ever made an impact to someone else's life? Sobrang daming tanong. I just don't know what to think. Pag umaga kaya naman magpakastrong pero pag ako nalang magisa minsan mahirap. Pero kapit lang. Dasal. My faith will always be bigger than my fears. I have faith i will surpass this. I will be a mom someday and will have the happiest fam.😌 someday.

[teks9150]

So a yr ago I discovered a lump on my left breast. It was two or three days before my 29th birthday. A month after, i went to the doctor and had my ultrasound. It was 1.85cm and it was july 2020. So my doctor asked me to monitor it every 6 months or have it tested. I decided to monitor. January 2021 came and it increased to 1.86cm nothing to be alarmed or afraid of accdg to my mum's surgeon.

After 6 months, july 2021 i have to do another ultrasound. It was really hard with all the pandemic happening around. So results of my ultrasound came, the doctor recommended it to be tested via biopsy as it may be active cos it grew to 2.22cm

This is a saturday night and i was looking at some photos thinking of the unexpected amd the worst that could happen. Thinking if im meant to have a family to care for. A baby of my own to hold on to. Take care of. It hurts to think i won't be able to have all that. I know this is just a phase. I hope and pray for good results as my boey deteriorates. My dreams also does. A sad truth.

[teks9150]

It never is easy to trust someone. Not when you are too broken inside. You never get that peace of mind. You never get a chance to have the right one with you.