tempred-a

[tempred-a]

     ‘ the sun   on your face   on your shoulders   its golden mouth whispering  … 

  ( so it seems )   you! you! you! ’

[tempred-a]

3.02

[tempred-a]

     ‘ the sun   on your face   on your shoulders   its golden mouth whispering  … 

  ( so it seems )   you! you! you! ’

[tempred-a]

in a moment  ( or perhaps … few days stewing )  of decision  …   i have come to the conclusion that i am rebranding / remaking rette.   she will be mostly historical / fantasy based with strong influences from the witcher bc it was where she was born.   if you would like to still follow me there and interact even without being  directly  witcher affiliated,   you can like this post and i’ll follow you once it’s set up!   i need a new space to continue to allow her to flower and grow,  tbh.   this blog has a lot of broken / missing tags and the like.   

[tempred-a]

- Don’t look at me like that. - Like what? - Like I’m your everything. - I don’t know how else to look at you.

(via spiced-iced-heart)

[tempred-a]

in a moment  ( or perhaps … few days stewing )  of decision  …   i have come to the conclusion that i am rebranding / remaking rette.   she will be mostly historical / fantasy based with strong influences from the witcher bc it was where she was born.   if you would like to still follow me there and interact even without being  directly  witcher affiliated,   you can like this post and i’ll follow you once it’s set up!   i need a new space to continue to allow her to flower and grow,  tbh.   this blog has a lot of broken / missing tags and the like.   

[tempred-a]

in a moment  ( or perhaps … few days stewing )  of decision  …   i have come to the conclusion that i am rebranding / remaking rette.   she will be mostly historical / fantasy based with strong influences from the witcher bc it was where she was born.   if you would like to still follow me there and interact even without being  directly  witcher affiliated,   you can like this post and i’ll follow you once it’s set up!   i need a new space to continue to allow her to flower and grow,  tbh.   this blog has a lot of broken / missing tags and the like.   

[tempred-a]

in a moment  ( or perhaps ... few days stewing )  of decision  . . .   i have come to the conclusion that i am rebranding / remaking rette.   she will be mostly historical / fantasy based with strong influences from the witcher bc it was where she was born.   if you would like to still follow me there and interact even without being  directly  witcher affiliated,   you can like this post and i’ll follow you once it’s set up!   i need a new space to continue to allow her to flower and grow,  tbh.   this blog has a lot of broken / missing tags and the like.   

[tempred-a]

𝐖𝐇𝐀𝐓 𝐇𝐎𝐙𝐈𝐄𝐑 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐑𝐄𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐒 𝐇𝐎𝐖 𝐘𝐎𝐔 𝐋𝐎𝐕𝐄?

from eden

love for you is about   comfort and familiarity.   love is that feeling of coming home.   it’s about always finding a way back to each other no matter what,   because your love is stronger than what can keep you apart. 

‘ honey you're familiar like my mirror years ago ’ 

fits this so perfectly.   overcoming anything that has separated you,   but also there’s something so gentle and true about waiting at your lover’s doorstep.   it’s a pure connection of patience and belonging.   you have belonged together since the beginning of time,   and you feel that in your chest when you see them.   there’s a magical eternity there between your souls.

stolen from : @skyaches

tagging :  whomever would like?

[tempred-a]

have been suffering a bit of a mood drop for a while + migraines + being extremely overworked at my job (worked nearly 100 hours in two weeks) and i just haven’t been up to much besides a few threads.   i’ll be lurking and building up my queue with random posts bc it’s running low.

[tempred-a]

commodcres​.

——— AND  THEN  JUST  like  that,  inner  peace  was  restored.  her  presence  acting  as  it  always  did,  curative  to  disquieted  soul  that  so  longed  for  this  woman. a  year  wasted,  but  now  they  had  FOREVER  to  make  it  up.  shaky  breath,  the  words  he  had  yearned  to  always  hear:  that  he  was  WANTED.  hues  fluttering,  smiling  tenderly  as  she  so  sweetly  caresses  cheek.  “i  shall  endeavor  to  remember,  love.”  flickering  glance  to  full  lips,  hesitating  for  only  a  moment  (  knows  now  to  never  waver  in  his  ardor  for  her  ),  before  claiming  kiss.  digits  weaving  into  hair,  she  tastes  of  tea  &  he  wonders  how  he  ever  gave  this  up.  “i  love  you.”  murmured  when  james  finally  draws  back,  foreheads  touching  tenderly.  “i  love  you  more  than  words  could  ever  possibly  describe…dearest  girl,  can  you  ever  forgive  me  for  being  such  an  utter  fool?”  brushes  away  curls  that  fall  into  face,  touch  so  tender. 

“we’ll…we’ll  work  this  out  together,  but  now  i  know  i  just  want  to  be  with  you.  no  matter  what…maybe  that  makes  me  selfish  but—”  steals  another  kiss,  before  concerned  expression  passes  over  visage.  “you’re  still  sick,  hon.”  rising,  offer  hand  to  help  her  up.  “back  into  bed  with  you,  miss.”  suddenly  lifts  rette  into  his  arms,  making  way  towards  bedroom.  “shall  i  be  your  nurse?  your  sexy  nurse?”  waggles  eyebrows,  before  laughing  (  when  was  the  last  time  he  done  that?  ).  “shall  i  make  you  more  tea?  order  food  for  us?”  deposits  rette  upon  bed.  “i’m  loath  to  leave  you  right  now…we  have  a  year  to  make  up  for.”

❝ i will remind you.   when i think you need it most as well as when you least expect it.   you  deserve  to know that you’re wanted . . ❞   knew that he may not always voice that he needed love  &  validation.   may be unspoken or he may not even be aware of his need.   hand stays upon scratchy cheek as he leans to kiss her.   god,   she had missed that.   had missed so many things about him  :  the way long arms tugged her sleeping form tight against him at night,   notes he left for her on the pillow the mornings he had to leave early,   hearing her name leave his lips.   instinctively,   body melts against his and feeling of fingers woven in her hair.   when he pulls away,   auburn lashes still rest upon her cheeks so eyes are closed.   ❝ and i love you, ❞   a moment’s hesitation before she calls him own nickname,   ❝ i love you,   jamie.   of course,  i have nothin’ to forgive you for.   you did what you thought was right and even though it might not have been,   you’ve  suffered enough  under own mind. ❞   nose brushes his. 

head nods at saying they would work it out.   would take planning  &  serious discussion that   neither of them had energy for right now.   he kisses her once more and she lets out a soft noise of  disapproval  when he pulls away.    ❝ i’m almost better,   truly. ❞   but,  he stands anyways and she sighs softly.   begrudgingly does she follow him in standing.   from out of nowhere,   james has scooped her up and she lets out breathless laugh at that.    the blanket has fallen on the floor of living room.   ❝ you  would  make a rather sexy nurse . . ❞   trails off as if she is envisioning it and allows head to lay to his shoulder once more as he carries her.    lover’s laugh a sound she had feared she’d never hear again.   ❝ i think  . .  ❞   stretches gently as he lays her on the bed.    ❝ for now,   a shower would be nice and refreshing.   wash the germs off of me? ❞   she sits up once more and nuzzles face to his chest.    ❝ then, ❞   heart bumps loudly in her chest.    ❝ then don’t leave me . .   join me. ❞   lets feet fall to the floor and  disobey  bedrest orders to trail off to bathroom. 

[tempred-a]

2.10 

[tempred-a]

heroscarred​.

“ i hoped my sacrifice would seal the veil and i suppose it must have. for i see no spectres lurking in the night. ” it hurts, being this close. knowing in the end if he succeeds in his task set by morgana he will have to die again and leave her. leave the destruction wrought with his hands. lancelot is but a tool, now. being used in a way that he would never choose willingly.

her hands feel warm and he’s almost forgotten how such a thing would feel. he grasps her own and wonders if he’s cold to the touch. like death incarnate. “ i hope i am still accepted as a knight. for i cannot do much else. ”

❝ must have . . ❞   response is soft,  hardly above a whisper.   blue eyes shone watery from fighting off tears.   lancelot didn’t seem the same though she guessed that what he had been through could have done that to him,   she didn’t even understand the whole thing.   it was almost as if he had little emotion. 

hands grasp at her own arms in return and she thinks that he feels the same as he had.   perhaps,   somehow,   the veil hadn’t changed him.     ❝ i know how much it means to you,   so i should hope that you would be able to return as well.  ❞   wanted to reach for him once more,   but fought the urge because so much doubt still clouded her mind. 

[tempred-a]

commodcres.

——— TEARS  BEGIN  TO  fall  from  cornflower  hues,  trail  down  rosy  cheeks  (  and  his  heart  breaks  at  the  sight  ).  immediately  moving  to  sit  beside,  arms  pulling  lithe  body  to  his  form,  so  that  she  she  is  practically  sitting  ‘pon  lap.  “rette…i  didn’t  mean  for  any  of  this…please  i—”  cheek  pressed  to  crown,  gently  rocking  her  (  there  is  something  familiar  about  this,  but  memory  cannot  be  placed  exactly  ).  “i  just  wanted  what  was  best  for  you,  because  i  loved…love  you.  i  thought  you  deserved  better  than  me.”

oh,  what  had  he  done?  foolish  man,  thinking  he  had  done  the  right  thing,  but  it  hadn’t  been,  had  it?  brought  them  more  pain  than  they  deserved,  all  because  of  his  want  to  be  SELFLESS.  “you….were  doubting?”  isn’t  that  just  the  final  nail  in  the  coffin?  that  cruel  twist  of  the  knife  in  back?  it  had  all  been  for  NOTHING:  a  year  wasted,  one  they  could  never  get  back.  “oh  rette…”  murmured  into  hair,  own  tears  beginning  to  glisten  within  emerald  eyes  (  had  never  cried  in  front  of  her,  but  there  was  a  first  time  for  everything  ).  “i  need  you.  you  don’t  even  know  how  much  i  need  you.”

voice  cracks,  &  for  once  he  allows  emotions  to  be  seen.  “i’m  so  sorry…i’m  so  sorry  dear  girl…i  love  you  more  than  anything…i’ll  tell  the  publishers  i  have  to  move  back  here…i’ll  fight  the  bloody  contract,  anything  just…to  have  you  back.”  pulls  away  just  enough,  lifting  chin  so  they  are  gazing  into  each  other’s  eyes.  “please,  will  you  have  me  back?”

head tucks into crook of his neck  &  arms wrap around so fingers can  grasp  at the shirt on his back.   no longer did they deny each other the comfort that one another brings.   she feels small being rocked in his arms.   something that she had missed so much.   loved him more ardently and passionately than anything.   perhaps,   now more than ever they would be able to  express   it.   she doesn’t respond to his apologies  &  further explanation.   would have been muffled anyway between neck and her tears.   

only replies whenever he questions her   doubts.    ❝ not sure it was for me is all . . ❞   he didn’t need any more guilt to bear.   already blamed himself so badly for what has transpired between them.   of course,   it had been he who had separated them,  but could never make him feel worse than he already did especially not whenever he had done what was hoped would be best for her.   in theory,   it could have worked had she not already fallen so hard for him.   was a year wasted indeed  &  didn’t want another moment to be.   the rest of their days would be as happy as they could make it,   she would see to that and was sure that he would as well.   

form pulls away from her some and her fingers wipe at tears on his face.    ❝ we can figure all of that out later.   i just know that i want you back . .  i want you . . . ❞   more than anything.   couldn’t live without one another.   hand cups stubbled cheek  &  fingers scritch at it gently.    ❝ please remember that,   always.    i’ve never been more  sure  about anythin’ in my life. ❞   faces are close together,   but she is hesitant to move.   had been so long since she felt him this near to her.   christmas had hardly counted as she had pulled away from him as quickly as she’d been grasped.   he smelled of sweat and his cologne.   made him that much more attractive to her than he would have already been.   tears had mostly stopped by this point and all that was left was a trail down cheeks that was drying.   noses were breadth apart  &  eyes flicker over his face.   head of red curls moves to lay back to his shoulder,   hoping he would stop her.   she wouldn’t push for it though.   heart beat  wildly  nervous. 

[tempred-a]

commodcres​.

——— FRIENDS.  THE  WORD  should  be  banished  from  their  vocabulary,  &  not  allowed  to  be  spoken  in  reference  to  one  another  (  for  it  hurts  ).  “we’ll  never  be  friends,  and  you  know  that.”  there  would  always  be  tension,  just  below  the  surface;  always  memories  from  the  past  playing  within  mind  in  remembrance  of  what  had  been.  “we’re  not  meant  to  be  friends.”  meant  to  be  LOVERS,  in  every  possible  lifetime  they  might  find  each  other.

“keep  it.  it’s  always  looked  better  on  you  than  me.”  grimaces  —  it’s  easy  to  forget  they’re  not  together,  when  they’re  together.  she  steps  back  from  him,  sitting  back  down  on  couch  &  it  feels  like  a  hint  to  leave  (  had  fulfilled  his  duty,  ).  “i’ll…let  your  parents  know…just…buy  a  phone  as  quick  as  you  can,  please.  you  worried  us.”  starts  to  move  towards  door,  but  stops  as  rette  speaks. 

he  had  hurt  her,  beyond  measure  (  had  hurt  himself  too,  which  at  the  time  seemed  the  price  to  pay  for  her  happiness  ).  only  now,  standing  in  darkened  flat  does  james  begin  to  truly  think  maybe  it  had  been  the  WRONG  choice.  man  of  selfless  nature,  had  truly  been  to  his  own  detriment  this  time….&  rette’s.  “it  wasn’t…i  was  trying  to  give  you  your  best  chance  at  happiness!  tell  me,  were  you  fulfilled  with  skype  calls?  could  you  really  have  endured  that  for  much  longer?  i  know  that  you  loved  me…but  what  if  i  wasn’t  the  best  choice?” 

but  the  confession  catches  james  off  guard  (  hadn’t  accepted  her  contract?  ),  has  him  suddenly  crossing  the  room  to  sit  on  his  knees  before  her,  taking  small  hands  into  his  much  larger  ones.   “don’t  throw  away  your  life  for  me.  your  teaching…your  shop…you  shouldn’t  have  to  do  that,  don’t  you  realize?  i  could  NEVER  ask  you  to  throw  everything  you’ve  worked  so  hard  for,  just  to  be  with  me  in  a  foreign  place.  even  though  i  still  love  you…i  couldn’t  do  that.  couldn’t  allow  it.”  breathes  out,  hands  still  held,  lifted  so  that  lips  may  brush  against  knuckle  (  does  he  shiver  from  the  cold,  or  from  the  contact  after  so  long?  ).  “i  love  you….but  don’t  throw  it  all  away  for  me…”

❝ no,   i know  . .   but the thought of somethin’ so  finite  as not havin’ you in my life at all.   can’t wrap my brain around it. ❞   tears that threatened to flow were finally released.   couldn’t even think of him not being around her ever again.   they lived this year apart as near ghosts,   trailing about life  &  throwing themselves into work as if that could fill the void.    ❝ weren’t designed to be  . .  friends. ❞  

at his compliment,   a laugh comes out mixed with sob.   how  effortlessly  he could still speak fondly of her though they weren’t together and hadn’t been for so long.   felt like  eons  they’d been apart.    ❝ i’d be inclined to disagree. ❞   would have normally said it looked better on the floor than on either of them.   but,   as much as she wished,   couldn’t bring herself to.   it would be cruel to  tease  for both of them.   air around them were always  electrified  with one touch from either of them igniting it.  

❝ i know you were,   so as much as it hurt i can’t even   blame   you.    and i can’t lie and say that i loved only seein’ you through screen.   i won’t,   but i also can’t live with never seein’ you again. ❞   sniffles were worsened by her crying and she doesn’t understand how he would even find her attractive in sick state.   she grabs for a tissue to try to feel less disgusted with herself.   and the further he moved from her vicinity the   deeper her pain grew.   this could be the legitimate last time she would see him,   not just some  looming threat  in their brains.   finite as mentioned earlier.   was different than all the other passing encounters  . . .   they actually talked  &  voiced all the pain they’d been harboring for a year.   

love crosses to her so quickly she’s taken off guard.   watery blue hues widen as they look at him.   but,   he’s kneeling in front of her so gaze follows.   large hands envelope hers and god,   he’s so warm.   ❝ but  . .  but,   you didn’t ask me.   i had been doubtin’  ---   i think i prefer the  . . .  the research. ❞   not teaching.   &  she’s breathing heavily.   breath smells intoxicatingly of honey  &  every fragrant herb in tea she’d been drinking.   ❝ it’s my decision.   perhaps this job openin’ was how i was supposed to meet you and nothin’ else than steppin’ stone in my life.   you don’t have to ask me because i would do this for you.    i promise you that i can find a shop anywhere,   do research anywhere. ❞   lips land on her knuckles  &  she finds that finger flex and grip at his hands,    begging him.   ❝ please,   let me make this decision in my life.   i need you. ❞    gaze meets his imploringly.    ❝ i love you,   james. ❞

[tempred-a]

is your muse a “lips crashing together, all desperate and hungry, clinging to each other like their lives depend on it” kind of love interest or a “longingly looking into each other’s eyes, gaze flickering to lips, slowly and carefully leaning towards each other like they’re afraid if they move too fast everything will shatter”

[tempred-a]

commodcres​.

——— “DO  YOU  HONESTLY  think  i  would  cast  you  off  like  that?  my  affections  for  you  didn’t  just…die.  i’ll  still  look  after  you,  protect  you…even  as  a  friend.”  the  word  tastes  bitter  ‘pon  tongue,  &  he  grimaces  at  utterance.  “yes,  i  had  to  check  on  you  myself,  because  i—”  still  love  you.  the  realization  hits  him  hard,  &  james  flushes  as  if  he’s  seen  a  ghost.  heart  pounding  once  more  &  drumming  in  ears,  that  old  mantra  of  ‘she  deserves  better’  now  cannot  be  summoned.  not  now. 

“you  can…keep  it.”  pauses,  pulling  key  out  of  pocket  and  settling  it  on  coffee  table.  “i…apologize  for  that…forgot  i  still  had  it,  honestly.”  lips  pressed  into  hard  line,  STORM  of  emotions  churning  within.  he  loves  her  —  still,  it  had  never  ceased,  for  a  moment;  ended  happiness  because  it  meant  rette  could  get  chance  of  better  relationship,  one  that  didn’t  include  sitting  around  &  endlessly  waiting  for  a  man  leagues  away.  but  it  hadn’t  gone  according  to  plan:  look  at  them  both.

“no  other?  not  even  in…time?  that  professor  didn’t  work  out  but…there  might  be  another…”  rambling,  words  not  making  much  sense  anymore.  “i  don’t  want  to  be  selfish  here,  because  i  did  what  i  did  for  you.  you,  rette.  in  my  mind  you  deserved  better  than  waiting  around,  endlessly  for  someone  that  couldn’t  always  be  there.  i  didn’t  want  to  be  selfish  then,  i  don’t  want  to  be  selfish  now,  because  nothing  would  change.”  why  is  he  talking?  is  he  talking  to  her,  or�� to  himself,  to  justify  denying  his  heart’s  desire? 

looks  away,  unsure  of  what  to  do,  what  to  say.  though  between  the  space  between,  there  words  are  plain  as  day:  ‘i  still  love  you.’

❝ . . .  as a friend,   of course . . ❞   legs back her up until she’s at arm of couch where she sits slowly against it.   blue eyes stare at him,   wondering what reasoning trailed away with cut off sentence.   wouldn’t question though in fear of him saying something like when he were drunk  . .   though this time   alcohol couldn’t save him   from   memory.   

gaze trails hand as it drops key onto coffee table.  ❝ it’s okay i --- ❞  used your spare key as well,   she   nearly   says.   but he didn’t remember and now wasn’t the time to delve into that whole story.    ❝ it’s okay . . ❞   repeats the same words as if she hadn’t said them moments earlier.   eyes stay on the key for a while longer as it sits.   that being the final thing that either of them had to return to the other besides the shirt.   the shirt . .   ❝ are you sure?   i can wash it and return it.   i don’t really have a   right   to keep it. ❞ 

head shook slowly in response to both questions  :  never.   curls were wild  &  moved with head.    ❝ what you did  . .   however selfless in intent not to hurt me   did just that.   and hurt yourself in the process.   doesn’t seem to have made the situation any better than it   could have been.  ❞   nothing would change?   how wrong he was.   ❝ i haven’t accepted my contract with the university.  i  could  do anythin’.   would do anything’  --  ❞   for you,   for us.   both of them entirely willing to sacrifice for each other.   sacrifice heart  &  true desires on his end and she would sacrifice to move wherever.   follow him until book obligation was completed so that then she may settle.   he wouldn’t like that though.   wouldn’t want her to do such a thing.   but,   it was clear to her that they  never  would stop loving each other.   why be miserable apart?