tenderlyshadyparadise

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I’m honestly just here wishing the best vibes on all of you. I know stuff can be so hard but I’m so proud of you all for still being here.

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I hope your heart is okay today.

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There's that feeling again...

Having that feeling that I'm going to have to let go and settle with being alone. That's okay; I originally knew I would be alone, but I had some hope. I think he'd rather be in a poly relationship. I don't share that interest. . .I'm too old to be trying again, honestly.

He'll be a good father, and that's really all I want for my kids. I knew 12 years ago that I wasn't meant for a marriage and home. . . I've watched all of them crumble, and I feel it's genetic that we can't keep marriages.

I just want children; I'm meant to be a mom for sure. It's all my heart wants; although I feel it would be God's ultimate joke to put that out of reach for me.

I just don't want to be the cause of someone unhappiness. I just want him to be happy and I don't think after this year it'll be with me. . . I'm going to spoil him as much as possible this year . Soak up every moment .

I fear my 3 year curse may come to collect this year . . . I'm only ever good for 3 years. . . I'll miss him. I love him.

Always have . . . Always will . . .

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

🌟⚜️🌟Stars Clouds🌟⚜️🌟

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YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!!! YOU WILL FIND A WAY . You will find a WAY ….. you WILL find a way . You will find a way you will find a way……!! YOU WILL FIND A WAY YOU WILL FIND A WAY you will find a Way you will (find) a way you will find. a way you will find a way YOU WILL FIND A WAY!!!!!!!

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

Soul Truth ✨️Part 1.

I was a caregiver for about three years. When I first started, I truly thought it would be my life's work. I thought I was put on this earth to help people and make their lives and aging a little easier. I had many clients, some short term and others ... they became family.

My first client I was 18 years old, and he had dementia. We will call him Vet. Mr. Vet was 85 years old when I met him. He was NOT happy to see me for the first few weeks. He called me "Chocolate Devil" because he thought I would eat all of his chocolate pudding. No, I didn't eat it , lol. He ate it, but he never remembered me feeding him. I sat with him for about 8 or 9 months while they were waiting for his spot at the VA.

I could tell Mr. Vet was a very sweet man with his own issues. He loved politics and REALLY disliked the fact that Donald Trump was orange. He loved landscaping, so I always opened his window so he could see the yard. Mr. Vet lived with his stepdaughter and second wife. I wasn't aware of his other children until one morning, he was extremely emotional. I could console him or redirect his thoughts no matter what I did. So we talked about it..

"Mr. Vet? What are we feeling today?" He responded, telling me he missed his son. I asked if we would like for me to call him. He explained that he wouldn't answer even if I did call. I asked why. He then told me his son saw him as nothing but money. Then, just like that, memory is gone. He asked for his bath and I bathed him, fed him and watched TV with him.

His stepdaughter explained that his some truly was terrible to him. Solely because he married her mother , "giving away family money" is what he told his dad. I felt bad because Mr. Vet cried for him a lot . . . After 9 months, they got his spot, and he was able to move on to the VA. I still speak with his stepdaughter, and he's doing well even now.

Mr. Vet was my first sign that I was in the right place . Doing the right thing. I was then in the space I was meant to be in.

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I can relate to this

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Dear diary...

The fact that I'm still "alive" in 2024 just feels like a huge mistake...

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The devil doesn't come dressed in a red cape and pointy horns. He comes as everything you've ever wished for.

- Tucker Max

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where's that picture that ruined my life

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I'm hurting . . . Like begging for death everyday . . .

People are still asking me for help . . . .

I just want to rot... please let me rot...

I'll be so easily forgotten...

Just . . . Let . . . Me . . . Die . . .

[tenderlyshadyparadise]

Most relationship taught me the more chances you give someone, the less they value you. They aren't afraid to lose you bcoz they know no matter what, you won't walk away. Never let anyone get too comfortable disrespecting you. Love yourself & choose distance over disrespect.

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Andrea Gibson, Lord of the Butterflies

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Anaïs Nin, Delta of Venus, originally published: 1977

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