terresdebrumestories
terresdebrumestories
Matt's fic blog
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French queer trans man with no patience for your sexism or queerphobia. Author of 958k+ words of fanfiction (& counting).
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terresdebrumestories · 7 days ago
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terresdebrumestories · 1 year ago
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Chapters: 1/1 Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016) Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Billy Hargrove & Steve Harrington Characters: Billy Hargrove, Steve Harrington, Original Male Character(s) Additional Tags: Steve Harrington Has Migraines, Doctors & Physicians, Hospitals, Period-Typical Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Other: See Story Notes, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Billy Hargrove Lives Series: Part 2 of Steve in the City Summary:
“Good afternoon,” he says in a booming voice that makes Steve suppress a wince. “Mr. Harrington, right?”
It takes a second to realize that he is Mr. Harrington, here, even if the thought makes him cringe. He nods, but not too hard.
“I’m Dr. O’Toole. I see you’ve come to us about a headache?”
It sounds so childish. Steve almost wants to take it back. Plus, he’s pretty sure the man sounds sept—no, that’s the wrong word. Skeptical? Skeptical might be right. Either way, he’s not sure the doctor believes him. Or believes he should be there. So, eventually, Steve nods and says:
“Billy said I was out for two days.”
It’s late 1987, and Steve’s numerous head injuries catch up with him.
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terresdebrumestories · 1 year ago
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terresdebrumestories · 1 year ago
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I want to write a book called “your character dies in the woods” that details all the pitfalls and dangers of being out on the road & in the wild for people without outdoors/wilderness experience bc I cannot keep reading narratives brush over life threatening conditions like nothing is happening.
I just read a book by one of my favorite authors whose plots are essentially airtight, but the MC was walking on a country road on a cold winter night and she was knocked down and fell into a drainage ditch covered in ice, broke through and got covered in icy mud and water.
Then she had a “miserable” 3 more miles to walk to the inn.
Babes she would not MAKE it to that inn.
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terresdebrumestories · 1 year ago
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Recently, I was sent a job listing. It called for a graphic designer "to produce direct response static & video ads for various social media channels, such as Facebook, TikTok, Snapchat, and YouTube." So, even though it was asking for a graphic designer, it wasn't a graphic design job—it was an advertising/social media/videography job. The career I've dedicated eight years of my life to is the bit the ad referred to as 'static'.
Ever since, I've been thinking about this idea that video is the future, and also I have been (not coincidentally) extremely depressed. Not to be all "you kids and your phones," but...
In advertising, your consumer's attention is money. Video is THE most attention-demanding form of advertising and therefore the most bang for your buck. It's why Facebook fudged their own stats for the effectiveness of pivoting to video so aggressively in the first place. If your consumer is reading something—a magazine, a poster, a book, something on their phone—then they're still listening, and if something else demands their attention, they'll just look up. If they're listening—to somebody talking, to music, to a podcast—then their eyes and hands are free to do whatever they like. They can look at the world around them, which involves many forms of competing visual advertising.
Video is a media form that doesn't stop. It keeps talking when your consumer looks up, and then keeps moving to grab their visual attention again. The best method for advertising is one that a consumer has to exert energy to not pay attention to.
(—This is why I hate video so much as somebody with ADHD. When my dopamine and blood sugar are low, focusing past someone playing TikTok audio is hard enough for me that it hurts. I've never had the same problem with radio or with like... idk, billboards. And TV is kind of bad, but at least it makes predictable sounds, whereas every person who films a TikTok with sudden screams or yelling in it is, in my opinion, going to hell.)
This is why the UI for platforms like TikTok and Instagram have autoplay, algorithms that disappear things you've seen so quickly, no scrub bars, and don't have skip or pause buttons. Your consumer has to keep their phone in hand to keep swiping or scrolling to properly engage. If that consumer can't stop a video or go back, then the platform can train them not to look up until the video is over. Anxiety that a user will lose their place or not be able to keep up with what is happening is part of what keeps them from looking away.
This is also a reason to be suspicious of why so many tech companies are obsessed with VR in general. A phone that people have to hold and look at and listen to is pretty good, right? But they can ultimately still put it down when an ad plays. It would be way better if we could put the advertising somewhere that tracks and follows their eye movements so that they literally can't look away.
We all know that text is still a better, faster, and more information-dense delivery system. Sometimes I see people mourning the pivot to video because it's a worse way to consume information. They're right! It is! But social media platforms have NO INTEREST in providing their users with like, actual reliable information. If they did, then social media companies would have no interest in AI.
(—This is also why they have no interest in fighting misinformation on their services. People who get radicalised are very engaged platform users. And the people who radicalise them come with massive budgets for ad spend.)
All social media platforms want is to get consumers hooked on their content so that they'll continue to deliver ad revenue. Video is the best way of achieving that. That's why we're all pivoting to algorithms and video. That's why Tumblr Live exists and Snapchat miraculously has not died.
Anyway. I chose to become a graphic designer.
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terresdebrumestories · 1 year ago
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Servants and Upward Mobility
This is focused on paid servants in England in the mid-late 18th century. One thing I find fascinating about the structure of domestic service roles was the existence of what essentially we might call a career ladder today. It was not uncommon for a servant to start their career near the bottom of the hierarchy as, say, a boot boy who cleans the shoes and boots of the household, or the scullery maid who does all the dirty kitchen work like scrubbing iron cooking vessels or plucking chickens, but progressively move up the list to better positions.
Part of why this was the case was that it was typical in England to hire servants for one year terms at a time. Often they'd be hired at festivals on the quarter days of the year, which as part of the festivities would often include what today we'd call a job fair. For some reason, Michaelmas (September 29) seems to be the most common as far as I can tell. I had never really thought about why that might be until I started planning this post, and I now wonder if it might have something to do with that being right around when harvest time usually comes in England. I could easily imagine people, especially young people, being on the cusp of another labourious harvest and thinking that maybe they could find another job instead. Related tangent: There are a number of remarks in the period that servants from the northern parts of England were considered to be much more respectful than servants from more populated, urban areas. Those communities were (at least considered to be) a lot stricter about remembering one's place and respecting your social 'betters', and their behaviour as servants was believed to reflect that. Some people would actively have their agents look to hire people from those rural areas, and apparently it was easy to attract potential employees: there are a number of remarks about how when a fancy carriage would drive through a small town, with the fancily-liveried footmen riding on the back, it would bring young people to stare in awe and want to be part of that. Which as someone whose interest in domestic service started in part because of my obsession with livery, I can understand. Anyway, back to the main point: because they often served one-year terms, there was an annual chance for both parties - the servant and the served - to review and determine how to move forward. A servant who was favoured might negotiate for a new position in the household, at least one step higher on the ladder (if not more), and they had leverage because they could leave the field entirely or possibly go off to a new household and find a higher position there. There was also a practice of asking for your master or mistress to provide a "character", essentially what we would today call a reference: a letter to show potential employers detailing their behaviour and skill in their role. Certainly there were times that some employers refused to give a good character, and sometimes that was explicitly because they wanted to keep the servant because they were a valuable asset to their household, but it was considered part of the obligation of the master class to be honest in these.
And it is not at all uncommon to find people who have served many different people/households throughout their career. The most I have seen is 28, although that's slightly misleading: that was a man who decided he wanted to travel, so hired himself to gentleman going on journeys for the duration of the trips, many of which were only a couple months. (The book he published, which he wrote about his travels and the "exotic" places and people he encountered, is interesting, and for my purposes super helpful because he turned out to be a narcissist and wrote a lot about himself, including his career as a servant. It's the only quasi-memoir of a paid servant from this time I am aware of. I might write a post about it/him sometime. I digress.) [continued in next post]
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terresdebrumestories · 1 year ago
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Alcohol tips for newbie writers (or non drinkers!):
At bars, people who order “chasers” after their shots are ordering something to wash down the taste of their shot with. This can be juice, soda, more alcohol, or even pickle juice
Hard liquor is generally sold in stores as shots (tiny bottles), fifths, liters, and handles or in ml (50, 100, 200 etc)
Most people can’t finish an entire fifth of hard liquor (vodka, etc) on their own without being very ill
Conversely, many people can finish an entire bottle of wine on their own without being ill
Liquor can be “bottom shelf” or “rail” or “well” – all synonyms for the cheapest version of alcohol a bartender has. Bars generally keep several “levels” of alcohol stocked
You order a drink with the alcohol first, then the mix – e.g., a “vodka soda” or a “Tito’s and tonic”
When you “close out a tab”, you pay for all of the drinks you’ve had that night. Either the bartender already has your card (you “opened a tab” earlier) or it was quiet enough that they just kept an eye on you and tallied your bill up at the end
“Doubles” are drinks or shots with double the standard pour of alcohol
In the US, most shots (pours) are 1.5 oz by default. 
Mixed drinks (gin and tonic, vodka lemonade, cosmos, etc) are generally made up of 1-2 shots and a mixer 
If you don’t specify which type of alcohol you’d like in a mixed drink (vodka cranberry, for example) the bartender will put whatever the “house” liquor is – and this depends entirely on the establishment. A dive bar will pour rail by default, whereas a nicer tavern might make all vodka cranberries with Tito’s
PLEASE TIP YOUR BARTENDERS THEY WILL REMEMBER YOU I PROMISE
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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map of travel times from Paris in 18th c France [x]
y'all, this is so cool
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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everyone dunking on that automated fleshlight sex toy needs to remember that disabled people get horny too ok 💜
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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Hello! I know this is very out of the blue (I don't even know if you're still using this blog, but well, may as well try!), but I've recently come across your Times Between Us fanfic series and I just wanted to say that I loved it! My AO3 account was given me trouble and wouldn't let me comment directly on each fic, but I still wanted to let you know someone out there really enjoyed your work :)! Hope you have a great day
Hi, and thank you so much!!! I'm always so happy when someone likes this series! It's been going on for so long and updates are few and far between (although I do have a couple of fics cooking for it) but I'm really fond of it, so I'm glad it keeps finding readers^^
Thank you very much for this lovely message 💕
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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Cheat Code #3 for accommodating disabled characters in sci-fi/fantasy:
If you want your setting to be accommodating, change the environment more than the person.
i.e.: On a worldbuilding level, if you want to portray a society that keeps disabled people in mind, then that needs to be reflected more broadly, even without your disabled character on screen. Because this means that your society was considering disabled people as part of itself when it was figuring out what's necessary.
If your computer takes voice commands, it should also have an optional keyboard in case someone can't speak.
If your magic school has multiple floors, it should have a teleporting rune circle for those that can't take the ever-changing stairs.
Whenever you have a feature you're adding, ask yourself—"If my character couldn't use this, what would they do instead?" And if the answer is "they'd have to wait until they could" or "they need someone else to use it for them," then your setting isn't accommodating. An accommodating setting always has an actionable answer to that question.
And as a bonus, if you follow through with it, oftentimes you'll end up with a more interesting world and story overall. Spells most people can speak can be written in ancient elven instead? That means you can have a character sneak a spell into a magic-banned city by writing it on their hair ribbon, and that it's possible that a book might be a self-generating spell on its own. Your spaceship has textured lines on the walls to let blind people navigate without guidance? Not only can you make it look artistic (different colored paints, glowing patterns), but now your engineer can make it to the warp core when the power's out and oxygen's finite.
Don't limit yourself just to what's needed in the moment. Figure out interesting alternatives to your setting's features, and your world will automatically feel more alive.
Cheat Code 1: How to avoid eliminating disability in your setting
Cheat Code 2: What kinds of aid to use to accommodate disability
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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A general cane guide for writers and artists (from a cane user, writer, and artist!)
Disclaimer: Though I have been using a cane for 6 years, I am not a doctor, nor am I by any means an expert. This guide is true to my experience, but there are as many ways to use a cane as there are cane users!
This guide will not include: White canes for blindness, crutches, walkers, or wheelchairs as I have no personal experience with these.
This is meant to be a general guide to get you started and avoid some common mishaps/misconceptions, but you absolutely should continue to do your own research outside of this guide!
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The biggest recurring problem I've seen is using the cane on the wrong side. The cane goes on the opposite side of the pain! If your character has even-sided pain or needs it for balance/weakness, then use the cane in the non-dominant hand to keep the dominant hand free. Some cane users also switch sides to give their arm a rest!
A cane takes about 20% of your weight off the opposite leg. It should fit within your natural gait and become something of an extension of your body. If you need more weight off than 20%, then crutches, a walker, or a wheelchair is needed.
Putting more pressure on the cane, using it on the wrong side, or having it at the wrong height will make it less effective, and can cause long term damage to your body from improper pressure and posture. (Hugh Laurie genuinely hurt his body from years of using a cane wrong on House!)
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(an animated GIF of a cane matching the natural walking gait. It turns red when pressure is placed on it.)
When going up and down stairs, there is an ideal standard: You want to use the handrail and the cane at the same time, or prioritize the handrail if it's only on one side. When going up stairs you lead with your good leg and follow with the cane and hurt leg together. When going down stairs you lead with the cane, then the good leg, and THEN the leg that needs help.
Realistically though, many people don't move out of the way for cane users to access the railing, many stairs don't have railings, and many are wet, rusty, or generally not ideal to grip.
In these cases, if you have a friend nearby, holding on to them is a good idea. Or, take it one step at a time carefully if you're alone.
Now we come to a very common mistake I see... Using fashion canes for medical use!
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(These are 4 broad shapes, but there is INCREDIBLE variation in cane handles. Research heavily what will be best for your character's specific needs!)
The handle is the contact point for all the weight you're putting on your cane, and that pressure is being put onto your hand, wrist, and shoulder. So the shape is very important for long term use!
Knob handles (and very decorative handles) are not used for medical use for this reason. It adds extra stress to the body and can damage your hand to put constant pressure onto these painful shapes.
The weight of a cane is also incredibly important, as a heavier cane will cause wear on your body much faster. When you're using it all day, it gets heavy fast! If your character struggles with weakness, then they won't want a heavy cane if they can help it!
This is also part of why sword canes aren't usually very viable for medical use (along with them usually being knob handles) is that swords are extra weight!
However, a small knife or perhaps a retractable blade hidden within the base might be viable even for weak characters.
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Bases have a lot of variability as well, and the modern standard is generally adjustable bases. Adjustable canes are very handy if your character regularly changes shoe height, for instance (gotta keep the height at your hip!)
Canes help on most terrain with their standard base and structure. But for some terrain, you might want a different base, or to forego the cane entirely! This article covers it pretty well.
Many cane users decorate their canes! Stickers are incredibly common, and painting canes is relatively common as well! You'll also see people replacing the standard wrist strap with a personalized one, or even adding a small charm to the ring the strap connects to. (nothing too large, or it gets annoying as the cane is swinging around everywhere)
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(my canes, for reference)
If your character uses a cane full time, then they might also have multiple canes that look different aesthetically to match their outfits!
When it comes to practical things outside of the cane, you reasonably only have one hand available while it's being used. Many people will hook their cane onto their arm or let it dangle on the strap (if they have one) while using their cane arm, but it's often significantly less convenient than 2 hands. But, if you need 2 hands, then it's either setting the cane down or letting it hang!
For this reason, optimizing one handed use is ideal! Keeping bags/items on the side of your free hand helps keep your items accessible.
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When sitting, the cane either leans against a wall or table, goes under the chair, or hooks onto the back of the chair. (It often falls when hanging off of a chair, in my experience)
When getting up, the user will either use their cane to help them balance/support as they stand, or get up and then grab their cane. This depends on what it's being used for (balance vs pain when walking, for instance!)
That's everything I can think of for now. Thank you for reading my long-but-absolutely-not-comprehensive list of things to keep in mind when writing or drawing a cane user!
Happy disability pride month! Go forth and make more characters use canes!!!
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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the calamity.
a comic about being seen.
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creative notes:
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all my other comics
store
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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Discord really went from 32 unicode characters + 9999 discriminators (32,000 printable unicode so 32^32,000x9999 = actually incalcuable on most calculators, essentially infinite) to presumeably 32 latin characters, periods and underscores
And at the same time alienated anyone and everyone who doesn't speak a language using a latin alphabet (most languages) and made stalking easier, removed individuality, and destroyed their actually revolutionary username behavior
...to look like twitter.
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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OMG i love all your ideas! I also think he would move to Chelsea as a top flight option, but - and this depends on what we see in 3.11 in a BIG way, I may change my mind next week - I personally would actually love him to go back to City. Jamie would have been a Man City fan, and scouted by them, way before he even knew his dad. They were his first (there is an amazing fic that gets into these feelings if you're keen - https://archiveofourown.org/works/45790894/chapters/115233907 ) and if City is in his blood, he could never ever do Man United in my personal opinion. He would be publically abused by fans forever and ever and ever for it, and he in his heart I don't think could do it. I've actually really enjoyed the way that the show has shown him to not actually be triggered by City, like, the issue is his dad, not the club, he shows appreciation for the club and for Pep and it would be a childhood love. If he managed to get rid of his dad once and for all, I can see him claiming City as his own once more. But this upcoming episode may totally change how that's presented by the show. But I think Chelsea is one of the most perfect options and I love the idea of Roy returning there too.
I can't believe they didn't even give Roy's sister a first name on screen! Quite insulting. But I agree about Ruth and I've seen a few fics that use it, it's my favourite option for her name.
Also, I've read another fic where he goes to PSG! (https://archiveofourown.org/works/40234527 )
Hehe, glad you liked them, Nonners !
I think City would be an option also, I just tend to be a little fixated on the fact that he was obviously not happy there when he was young and I think a lot of it has to do with his dad. I guess it really depends on how much he repressed his trauma and whether or not he manages to untangle Tartt Sr from City (though I will say so far canon leans into 'he's okay with City' territory indeed^^)
Like you said though, we still have two episodes to see where they take Jamie and whether we want to ignore it or not :P
Thanks for the fic recs, too, turns out they were the sources of my headcanons, so it's nice to see we share some favorites :D
(I did mainly latch onto the PSG idea because of the potential for multilingual insult trading, especially with Dani and Spanish. I just fucking love this trope.)
Also re: the City/United rivalry... yeah, I neglected to think of that xD I should have guessed tbh, two major clubs in one city is unlikely to result in friendship xD (And also I know enough of football to assume it would be quite difficult to go from PSG to L'OM so I can imagine the sort of treatmant Jamie would get :P)
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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I really loved your coming out fic but I was just curious if you meant the Europa League (the 2nd flight of Europe, as opposed to the top flight Champions League) or the CL when you said Europe League? Or did you mean the Euros with England? Do you imagine Jamie having played for Richmond his whole career, or moving on to other top flight teams to pursue more trophies? I would love to know what his life has looked like during that time, as well as the image of Phoebe at what must be about 18!
Also, interestingly - the UK doesn't actually enter a football team in the Olympic Games. This is not meant as a critique, but it's a fascinating factor of English football that I'm not sure many people who watch the show are aware of. The UK does the Olympics, for all sports, as Team GB, so England, Wales, Scotland and NI, but FIFA treats those countries as individuals. British football has resisted the Olympics because there's big fears that if they concede to being Team GB at football in the Olympics, it'll open the door to FIFA revoking individual country status for England, Wales and so on in other competitions. When London hosted in 2012, there WAS a Team GB at football, basically because they had to represent the national sport, but it wasn't made up of major professional players, there were like three veteran players and mostly youth players. It isn't something that pro footballers are involved in, especially because it falls the same year as the Euros. Roy, in 2012, for example, wouldn't have been in the Olympics, he would have been focused on winning the Champions League with Chelsea and then playing in the Euros with England. It's just a weird thing about English football, the Olympics is not an important part of it the way it is for other sports.
Hi, and thanks for the question!
(Also thanks for bringing football knowledge my way, it will be useful as I give said coming out fic a proper round of edits xD)
So, I know barely more than nothing around football, and my sport ancestry is a family full of basketball players, where competitions go from France Championship to Europe to World Championship, as far as I can tell (they're not pro players, though two of my cousins are angling for that) and so I figured it might be similar in football... turns out, nah xD
(Also I researched this fic for a grand total of ten minutes and five of those were spent on Mancunian grammar and accent, so. There's that :P)
All this to say, thanks again: I'll be modifying some stuff in the cleaned up fic x) Now, for the rest of your questions:
While I see why people like the idea of Jamie staying with Richmond his whole career, I can't say that's something I can really picture happening.
First of all, Jamie is competitive (as all high-level athletes are) and good enough to play with/against the biggest team, which AFC Richmond is not. It's presented as a medium club for the Premier League, and this is not something that easily changes in a perennial way, I think (both because they don't have the same resources as clubs like Manchester City (or United) to help maximise their players' potential, and because the funnel effect of bigger clubs will draw a lot of aces away.)
Second, this is a job, and Jamie has been shown to be a hard worker and fairly ambitious. Eventually, as he grows better, I think what Richmond asks of him will cease to be engaging enough for his taste, especially as the team changes with our current cast retiring or going to other clubs (Sam for example seems the type who would be happy to continue progressing as well, though of course that's probably true of all the teammates)
As to where Jamie goes...I don't think I know enough about Football to make an educated guess x) I don't think he would go back to City, if only because of the bad associations that already drove him away. I think by the time he makes peace with that, he'll probably have found another club to settle in. I do like the idea of him playing with the PSG or the Olympique de Marseille, purely because I like the idea of him spending time in my country and learning my language :P
(Also, Marseille would mean he wouldn't have to be freezing all the fucking time xD)
Poetically, I could see him ending in either Chelsea (closing the circle in his paralleling of Roy) or Manchester United (if you assume he's attached to his birth city enough to want to go back there, if not with the club he thought he would.)
Ultimately, I do think in a universe where he's in a stable relationship with Roy and Roy keeps training Richmond, Jamie would want to stay close by and probably not venture beyond Spain/Northern Italy so he could stay close to his loved one, but England is the endgame I see him work towards the most. I can still give him a stint in France so I can have him insult Richard and Van Damme in their birth language from time to time.
I do think he eventually grows close to Roy's sister (whom I named Ruth because I like the headcanon of the Kents as a Jewish family to mimic Brett Goldstein) and becomes a beloved surrogate uncle for Phoebe. My headcanon is that she remains a passionate football fan and player her whole life, and maybe even briefly entertains a professional career in the US (mostly because afaik women's football isn't as well paid in Europe, could be wrong), but ultimately decides she values the sport for its connection with beloved family rather than for itself, and remains at the amateur level.
I do think she's driven enough to actually end up a wildlife veterinarian, or her artistic aptitude (she draws those boobs real good y'all) take her in a bit of a different direction. Either way, I like to headcanon her as queer in some way, also because of the fascination with breasts, though in real life this isn't necessarily indicative of anything xD
Roy stays in Richmond, I think, unless Chelsea calls and begs him to get there. Mostly because my headcanon is that he picked Richmond as a retirement club because it's close to Chelsea and his family, and I don't think he'd want to move too far away again, especially if Ruth doesn't remarry.
This is about the extent of my thoughts on the subject tbh, although I never say never to writing more in any given universe so, who knows... we'll see if inspiration strikes xD
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terresdebrumestories · 2 years ago
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This idea ambushed me in the shower and wouldn't leave me alone until I wrote it, so there you have it. This is the result of an hour of frantic typing on my phone and shall be cleaned up before I cross post it to AO3.
"I wanna come out," Jamie says, and Roy freezes in place so fast Phoebe bumps into his back and swears under her breath.
Roy doesn't even pretend to try and tease her for it, too stunned for words.
"If we win tonight," Jamie adds on the other end of the line, "I wanna come out."
"Are you sure?" Roy manages at last, and it comes out so raw Ruth does a double take in the kitchen, raising her eyebrows in question.
Roy, gripping his phone like he'll die if he lets go, shakes his head and turns away, making his way to the corridor on shaky legs. From very far away, he thinks he hears Phoebe ask if he's alright, but Roy pushes her out of his mind as soon as Jamie says:
"I'm sure."
"Jamie," Roy hisses, "it could end your career."
"So what?" Jamie says, and Roy almost ask who the fuck is possessing his partner.
"Jamie."
"Roy. I'm thirty-four. I've won the Premier League, the Europe League and the fucking World Cup. I'm in the fucking Olympics. Once I've won that, who the fuck cares if I get a goodbye tour?"
"You do," Roy says. Then Jamie grunts and Roy adds: "I'm with you. You know I am, always." Jamie hums, but it sounds like he's relenting, not skeptical, so Roy makes himself continue despite the risk of Ruth or Phoebe overhearing: "I just don't—I don't want you to regret it."
To regret me, Roy is surprised to mean. After all, they've been together for almost ten years now. Any coming out Jamie makes is likely to result in their relationship becoming public, and Roy...Roy has apparently not quite managed to get over their age difference as thoroughly as he thought he had.
"I won't," Jamie promises, the sound of his voice suddenly echoing, like he just stepped in a bathroom. "I really won't. Just 'cause I'm buzzin' doesn't mean I don't know what I'm doing."
Roy can't help worrying anyway, but he still makes himself breathe in, and then out, and then say:
"Okay. Then I think you should do it."
"Oh, I was gonna," Jamie says, playful, and Roy smiles at his sister's bathroom door like an idiot. "But also. Em. I don't—if I'm gonna come out publicly, I don't wanna have to like. Pretend like I'm single or whatever. Or like. If I do get my fucking retirement tour and we meet in a game or whatever, I don't wanna have to pretend like I'm not dead gone on you, you know?"
Roy's heart expands in his chest, like it's trying to make a run for it through his ribs or something, and he knows he's full-on grinning at the bathroom door when he says:
"Me either. Please feel free to mention me by name."
"Grand," Jamie says over the sound of a shower turning on. "Great. Well. I gotta go soon but uh. Wish me luck?"
"Good luck," Roy obliges. And then, because he's had nearly ten years of practice to make this bit easy, he adds: "I love you."
"Love you too."
*
"What a game," Arlo White shouts on TV a few hours later, while Ruth and Phoebe do a victory dance around the couch, where Sam and Keeley are singing Jamie's stupid fucking chant along with the crowds in the stadium.
"What a game! What a play! What a goal! And what an ovation for Jamie Tartt, indubitably the man of the match!"
"I agree," Chris Powell adds, sounding almost excited for once, "I'd even say: what a career! Jamie Tartt won it all! Honestly Arlo, I wouldn't be surprised if he decided to retire soon, I mean at this point what else does he need?"
"Oh shut the fuck up," Roy yells at the TV, earning himself a playful shove from Phoebe and a prod in the ribs from Keeley. "Stupid fucking pundits," he mutters into his champagne.
"That would be so much more convincing if you weren't pink with pride, babe," Keeley teases, and Roy grunts without heat.
The truth is, now that White and Powell have announced a transition on the ground and the camera switched to Barbara Carnahan on the side of the pitch, Roy feels himself tense with anticipation. Everyone here knows about him and Jamie, of course, but they don't know what he's planning to do. That leaves Roy alone to deal with the nerves of Jamie's impending announcement, and holy fucking shit, they're a lot.
"First of all," Carnahan says when she catches Jamie and gets him to stand in front of her camera, "I want to congratulate you on an absolutely marvelous game!"
Roy watches Jamie's tongue dart out in celebration, like he's a goddamned emoji or something, and finds himself gripping Keeley's hand out of sheer need to share the moment with someone.
"Thanks," Jamie says, sobering up a little bit, "We did really good, yeah!"
"Oh, definitely! How does it feel? Did you expect this when you woke up this morning?"
"Well, you know," Jamie says, running a hand through his hair, "nothing's ever certain, but I knew our chances were good, yeah, so I was like. Fairly optimistic about it."
"And you were right!" Carnahan agrees with a little bounce. "I'll admit I was nervous when the first half ended at one-one, but that goal in injury time was magnificent!"
"Yeah, Satō gave me a great assist there, that kid's gonna get far," Jamie says, wiping at his brow.
To Roy's left, Sam coos a little, happy to see one of his Marseille teammates get some recognition. He hasn't looked that cheerful since he busted his knee right before the Olympics started and he knew he had to sit the competition out.
"What was going on in your head at that moment?" Carnahan asks Jamie. "As the whistle blew and you realized you'd won, where did you mind go? Is there anyone you thought of in particular?"
"Well there's me mum, of course," Jamie says. "She's in the stands, and I'm really glad she could be here for this. And then there's my partner."
Around Roy, the living room falls into the most intense silence he's ever heards, even as Jamie adds:
"Actually, is it okay if I talk to him for a sec?"
"Him?" Carnahan asks, at the same time as Keeley and Phoebe shriek:
"WHAT?"
"Yeah, him," Jamie says, prompting Sam to shout and grab Roy's left shoulder. "Can I talk to him?"
And this. This wasn't the script, right? Roy thought—usually—this isn't. No. No!
...no?
"Oh my god, uncle Roy!" Phoebe is saying, gripping Roy's right shoulder, "Oh my god!"
"Yes, sure," Barbara Carnahan says with the dazed look of a reporter who's just been hit with the exclusive of the decade, "go ahead."
Jamie grins, and thanks her, and then he takes a deep breath—Roys mirrors him, can't help it, feels like he's about to explode, or melt, or both—
"Roy," Jamie says on the screen, eyes turned straight at the camera so it looks like he's actually watching Roy in 16:9 format, "it's hard to remember what it was like to hate you enough to nearly fight you right on the pitch."
Someone says a very strangled 'what the fuck' and it takes Roy a second to realize it's Keeley, but also the reporter on the telly.
"Turns out you're actually one of the best men I've ever fucking met—" ('Oh my god!' Says Keeley, slapping Roy's arm.) "You support me and challenge me all the fucking time, you're funny, and the grumpiest arse in the morning." ('OH MY GOD!' shouts Phoebe from behind Roy.) "I've spent nine years of my life loving you to your face, and you've taken it like a champ so far...so what do you say we make it official and tie the knot?"
"OH MY GOD!" Screams the living room, pushing and pulling and slapping at Roy.
He can barely breathe, feels himself grow twice, thrice, ten times bigger than he normally is, floating like a bubble of champagne as Phoebe nearly breaks his nose trying to shove his phone against his ear—"YOU HAVE TO FUCKING CALL HIM, UNCLE ROY!"
And then there's a dial tone, and some spluttering on tv, and more shouting, and a phone comes into view, lands against Jamie's ear, and then—
"You motherfucker!" Roy yells into the phone, and Jamie-on-the-screen blinks and grins, and Jamie-on-the-phone gives this little hitch of breath he does when he thinks 'I love you', and Roy is saying: "You absolute wanker! No fucking warning—"
And Jamie-on-the-screen scrunches his nose and grins harder, and Roy's heart goes into fucking overdrive, his pulse loud in his ears and in his palms, and Jamie-on-the-phone asks:
"So like, that's a yes, right?"
"Yes! Of course it's a yes you gigantic prick!" Roy yells, and Jamie-on-the-screen fist pumps while Roy's world turns into one giant shriek of joy, and then there's champagne popping, and four different footballers bursting on the screen to hug and jump up and down and shout so loud Roy hears them even when Jamie has to take the phone away from his ear.
"Oh my god!" Keeley shouts, muffled, into Roy's neck when he hangs up, knowing full well there's no way Jamie's getting back to his phone until much later tonight. "Congratulations! I'm so happy for you!"
"Did you really not know?" Phoebe asks, shouting into his other ear.
"I knew he wanted to come out and go public about us," Roy says, falling back from the adrenaline-induced shouting to the best sort of daze. "I didn't know he was going to propose!"
And Roy sounds grumpy about it, he knows he does—will probably get shit from Jamie about it as soon as his fucking plane lands, really! And his sister, his niece, his friends are being way too loud about it, and now his phone's buzzing and will probably keep buzzing for the next four or five hours, and Roy sounds grumpy but he does not mean it for a fucking second.
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