testosteroneb0y

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Andre when he was a baby real footage

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whoopsies !!

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Reposting a doodle I made of Toby when I found out he had buck teeth from a reblog.

My son,,, he big stupid smile,,, how can I not share again,,,

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GQ Awards Photo Shoot 2013

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Vamp🥩🧛‍♂️

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me if meowing was a sin tbh

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hai… watched zero day again recently …

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Reposting a doodle I made of Toby when I found out he had buck teeth from a reblog.

My son,,, he big stupid smile,,, how can I not share again,,,

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I drew Jeff for the first time in YEARS. suddenly I am stuck in crp hell again and I am just as much in love with Toby as I was 8 years ago

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no nonsense words fill the void in my head <3 divider by xxbimbobunnyxx

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Banisticker + Carlosticker yay

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Ticci Toby + Bipolar Disorder

Partially an educational post, partially a how-to-write guide.

(check out my how-to-write aspd/psychopathy here)

What is bipolar disorder?

Bipolar disorder (shortened to BD, not BPD), is a mood disorder that causes a person to experience extreme fluncuations in their moods and energy levels. These episodes swing from depressive lows to manic highs. Despite popular belief, bipolar episodes last a long time (1+ weeks), and typically have a period of stability in between them. It is NOT the same as borderline personality disorder, they are two very different disorders.

Does Toby canonically have bipolar?

Sort of. His canon reference sheet shows 'bipolar' as one of his personality traits. This is just an error on the creators part, since they were young and didn't know what real bipolar disorder is. Bipolar isn't a personality trait, and the mood swings in the disorder are not quick switches. The way it's used on his sheet is more like borderline personality disorder than it is bipolar disorder. So if we're talking about whats canon, I'd say it's up for interpretation.

Do you headcanon Toby to have bipolar?

I do, but mostly because I have BD myself, and I like to project that onto him. Theres no characters in media who have bipolar disorder that I enjoy/know of, because honestly its kind of a pain in the ass to write. I rarely include it in any of my stories involving him, even though having untreated bipolar disorder is something that would effect him every day of his life, and severely. I would rather people not write him having bipolar at all, than to write it as BPD or other misinforming ways.

How to properly write Toby with bipolar?

A bit of this can also apply to any other character. First, the obvious, is to do research. Bipolar is something that needs to be treated, because manic highs and depressive lows are so life-altering, damaging, and cause a lot of harm to the individual. Since Toby is a killer on the run, he most likely wouldn't have access to proper treatment, which means his entire life would be a series of intense highs and lows. This is why I usually don't bother including his bipolar symptoms in my writing, cuz it's a hassle incorporating him going wildly manic at random points, even though its the harsh reality people with bipolar disorder face. So if you're going to write Toby with BD, you will need to be prepared to write how inconvenient the disorder is for not only Toby himself, but everyone around him.

It would interfere with his work as a proxy, it would greatly impact his relationships with the people around him. It might even end up with him getting caught by the police, or thrown into a psychiatric hospital (most people with bipolar end up in a psych ward at some point). If you do want to write him being treated for his disorder, you'll need to look into medication. One of the most common ones is lithium, but did you know some anticonvulsants (the medication Tim takes in Marble Hornets), act as a secondary treatment for bipolar disorder too? Carbamazepine is an example of this. You could incorporate that as well, since in Marble Hornets anticonvulsants are used to potentially lessen the effects of The Operator.

What do manic episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

Manic episodes are very intense highs in mood and energy. Despite what people say, real manic episodes are only experienced in people with bipolar disorder. Other disorders such as ADHD and BPD can mimic mania, but they are not classified as true manic episodes. So if you want to write mania, the character needs to have bipolar (or schizoaffective).

Some symptoms of a manic episode are racing thoughts, lack of judgment, feeling untouchable or overly confident, no consideration for consequences, talking a lot, jumbled words from speaking too fast, jumping from one task to another. It feels like a constant surge of energy going through your body, and its so overwhelming you can't stop to think about anything you're doing. You just feel absolutely euphoric, and capable, and like nothing can bring you down. A very real danger of manic episodes is that some people experience co-occurring psychosis alongside their episodes, such as delusions and hallucinations. Another issue is that people with mania are so full of energy, they don't sleep for days on end. These highs can also lead to dangerous acts due to the recklessness and lack of proper judgement on whats safe/smart in that moment. There is also hypomania, which is a lesser, more mild form of mania.

For Toby, it completely depends on how you view his character and circumstances. But for me, I think that in a manic episode, Toby would cause many issues in his relationships with the people around him. He would be much more irritable, paranoid, he would go on rants and talk a lot, jumping from one rant to another. He wouldn't sleep for days, he would become increasingly reckless and grandiose. Toby would fight more with others, go off on his own a lot more, do a lot of risky things, and with his CIPA he would most definitely get himself hurt a lot more and more severely. When you're manic, you don't stop to consider the risks of the reckless things you're doing.

What do depressive episodes look like? How would they effect Toby?

Depressive episodes may come directly after a manic episode, a crash, or they can come on randomly after a period of stability. They typically last longer than manic episodes, usually about 1+ months. They're periods of an intense drop in mood and energy levels, which are often pretty severe.

The symptoms of depressive episodes are similar to regular depression, but not quite the same, and typically on the more severe end of the spectrum. Utter hopelessness and bleakness, suicidal thoughts, oversleeping, lack of interest in anything, sadness, difficulties concentrating, slower thinking, social isolation. Bipolar lows feel like energy and life is being sucked right out of you. All you want to do is sleep, nothing feels interesting, or you don't have any energy to do things that used to make you happy. People are disappointing, you don't want to talk to anyone. The lows feel very heavy, very tiring.

When Toby is experiencing a low episode, I can't imagine he gets out much. He would probably disappear for a bit, to be left alone, because he doesn't want to be around anybody. He would spend his time sleeping as much as he can, and then the rest of his time doing proxy work, and then going back to sleep. He probably wouldn't want to be awake with his hopeless and bleak thoughts.

What are mixed episodes?

Hell on earth. Mixed episodes are when someone with BD experiences both manic and depressive symptoms in rapid succession or at the same time. This can look like feeling super energetic, but also horribly hopeless and depressed, or being on top of the world one minute, and then wanting to off yourself the next. They are very intense, and dangerous. It feels like you're losing your mind, and you can't catch yourself. You just have to sit there and let your mind take you on the worst rollercoaster of your life.

What are some things to avoid when writing bipolar disorder?

For the love of GOD stop mixing it up with borderline personality disorder. Bipolar is a MOOD DISORDER, not a personality disorder. The mood swings are not quick or volatile, there is no fear of abandonment, or unstable emotions. The mood swings are more like intense changes in energy that effects the mood, and they typically last over the course of a week+. Toby canonically does have volatile, rapidly shifting and unpredictable emotions, but that would not be a result of his bipolar disorder (besides maybe during a manic episode).

And the obvious, don't demonize the disorder and make him out to be a crazy person because he's bipolar. Toby is nuts, but not because he has BD.

If you have any more questions, Google is free, but make sure to find reliable and professional sources. But also, if you want to DM me or send a question in my inbox I'm free to answer with my personal experience, and headcanons, about bipolar and how it may present in Toby.

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rip cal you would’ve loved side eyeing bitches

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first post ig

habit !!

this drawing is old but i still like it :p