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The Naruto AU

So I have a Naruto au for tf2 I've been trying to get off the ground. The setting is the Naruto universe as we know it, but none of the original Naruto cast exist; it's completely occupied by the cast of the Tf2niverse. The tone is more bright and cheerful like the genin series. Some serious business, but plenty of room for shenanigans. So here's the cast and their roles in the universe.

Scout

Our boy Jeremy was designed most closely to Rock Lee. He's fast due to ankle weights like Lee, but he's got very limited upper body strength due to his overwhelming focus on speed. He does have decent skill in the use basic ninja tools such as kunai and shuriken, however. Rank: Chunin

Pyro

Pyro is an enigma. His name and face are a complete mystery, and he never truly talks. But if there's one thing we ARE certain of, it's the fact that he is without a doubt the best fire style specialist in shinobi history. Rank: ???

Heavy

Misha is matched only by Saxton Hale himself in terms of unbridled physical strength. His only loves are his family and his giant ball on a chain that he calls Sascha. Rank: Chunin

Soldier

This maniac has a lust for battle and glory. His abilities include summoning raccoons and explosive jutsus that can almost immediately eradicate his foes. Rank: Jonin

Demo

Demo is a whiz with paper bombs and other sorts of traps. Behind his drunken stupor, he is a bonafide genius with a gift for strategizing on his toes. Rank: Special Ninja

Sniper

Mundy is an unorthodox shinobi with zero skill in taijutsu and almost no original techniques or moves. However, he's an expert marksman whose aim is enhanced by his use of the Byakugan. Rank: Chunin

Spy

The second of the masked men is none other than the master of disguise himself. His Sharingan can recreate techniques (minus kekkai genkai) and has mastered the art of transformation, invisibility, and substitution. Rank: Jonin

Medic

Dr. Ludwig is a neurotic medical nin who likes to push himself and his abilities past his known limits, going so far as to dabble in the forbidden art of necromancy. He can heal like the best of them, but he tends to lose sight of consequences in pursuit of science... Not that he's been caught yet. Rank: Medical Nin

Engineer

Dell has crafted flawless ninja puppets, each invention more astounding and complicated than the last. He tends not to get his own hands dirty in a fight, but his expert control of his puppets have never failed him. Rank: Chunin

Saxton Hale

Hokage of the Hidden Leaf village. In fact, he is widely renowned as the strongest Ninja in the world. He's aloof and shirks the paperwork (or piles it onto Bidwell) but he cares about the village and will protect it and its people with his life.

Helen

Helen is the mysterious advisor to Saxton Hale whose ulterior motives are unknown, even to her loyal and trusted assistant, Miss Pauling. Rank: Special Ninja

Pauling

Helen's faithful assistant, carrying out paperwork and questionable acts in hopes that her boss will have a place for her in her veiled plans. Rank: Chunin

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Original ‘Meet the Scout’ recordings (Lines that were cut from the official 'Meet the’ video)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z1d5fjKWdfk

*Bleeeeeeep*

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Rick May, Soldier’s VA, has passed away due to COVID-19

With an extensive acting profile ranging from our familiar American patriot Soldier from Team Fortress 2, to Peppy and Andross from Star Fox, Rick May was a seasoned veteran of voice acting who has left this world today. 

A post from Larry Albert on Facebook was crossposted by the Sniper’s voice actor from TF2, John Patrick Lowrie. Albert, a close friend of May, shares some personal words about May in his memorium post:

Rick May was a force of nature, a pain in the ass sometimes but never to the point where I would not use him again and again. We were working friends, colleagues and buddies. Hopefully there will be those who will speak of his years in the theater, as a teacher, a director and voice talent, of his one-man show as Teddy Roosevelt. I knew the man who asked me if I could get him a copy of an old Republic Studios serial cliffhanger “The Phantom Rider” if he got me an autograph from his friend Ty Hardin from the old “Bronco” TV series.

I knew the man who along with Frank Buxton and David Selvig stood and applauded my daughter Andee when I introduced her to the audience at the Kirkland Performance Center for what would be her first appearance as a professional actor. I knew the man who was always encouraging when I had my bout with cancer. I knew the man whose passing leaves a huge hole in my heart and I believe so many others. I wish you strength Diana. 

Rick I wish for you to know eternal peace. Goodbye buddy, I’m gonna miss the hell out of you.

Source: https://www.facebook.com/johnpatricklowrie/posts/3695585787179521

May you rest in peace, Rick May, and thank you for your contributions to this world. We wish his family and friends well and offer our condolences.

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Lets say, you are all stuck in an elevator together, until the fire department can break you out. They've got a two hour drive to get to the base, another thirty minutes to get INTO the base, and another ten to get you guys out. Pray tell, What happens in the meantime?

It's very crowded in the tiny elevator. Everybody in the entire base is on the elevator including me. It's the worst place for me to be since I have a meeting with Mr. Hale and Bidwell, but I have to awkwardly grin and bear it.Ca-chunk!The elevator stops."Yo, what the hell? What's wrong with this thing?" Scout asks."Elevator has stopped," says Heavy."No duh, dum-dum."A collection of groans and foreign cursing fills the space.I pull out my phone and dial for the fire department."Ma'am, it looks like you'll be waiting in there for a while." "What? How long?""Well, it'll take us at least two hours to get to the base." Merde. It'll also take them about a half hour to get into the base in the first place and maybe ten minutes to find us. This is going to be a long wait.We quickly learn that Scout has claustrophobia. He's hyperventilating and panicking, and he quickly passes out. I'm secretly thanking the cosmos because secluded areas with Scout are not ideal.Demo decides to pass the time by getting piss drink and passing out too.Most of the time in there, it's everyone else preventing Pyro from starting a fire. The elevator is made of wood, so that would mean eminent death.Five minutes before the fire department arrives to the base, Sniper needs to pee. He has a spare jar with him (because of course he does) and unzips his pants."Bushman," Spy begins, "if you use that jar as a restroom, I will crack a deadly neurotoxin molar and kill everyone on this elevator."My heart is pounding because I'm wise enough to know that Spy doesn't f$%& around."Oi, I have to piss. Would you rather I piss on the floor? Or that bloody suit you love so much?" Spy stops dead."You. Wouldn't. Dare."Sniper raises an eyebrow as his hand reaches for his... Uh, you know."Use the f$%&ing jar."He obliges, and I release a breath I've been holding for eighty-seven years. However, my attention turns to Soldier, who has been oddly quiet.I realize he is holding his stomach and it's moving.WhyIsHisStomachM o v i n g?We hear an small animalistic sound from his stomach.Engineer asks what's in his coat."Nothing," Soldier nervously deflects."Boy, I'll give you three seconds to show me what's in the coat or I'll grill you and your pet with a side of country fried baked beans.""I've been holding nothing but my own guts in this entire time."Whatever's in his jacket, it's either pissed or suffocating. Or maybe both.It falls out.It shrieks at us.HE WAS HIDING A RACCOON?It scrapes around across the elevator and craps on both Scout and Demo in their sleep.Heavy finally grabs the raccoon and snaps its neck."NOOOOOOOO"The elevator finally opens and we can b r e a t h eHeavy throws the raccoon out the nearest window.Soldier chases after it and begs Medic to revive it.He doesn't.Sniper and Engineer grill it together over a beer or two.I'm late for my appointment and we all agree to never speak of this again.

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Hey guys! Out of curiosity, where do y'all like to go when (or if) you get vacation time?

Pauling here! I only get one day off a year. Wherever I go depends on our current location. I always just explore the surrounding location and see the sights.

Sniper: I enjoy cabins in the woods. Quiet, peaceful, and secluded.Pyro: (To this day, nobody knows.)Scout: My ma would kill me if I didn’t come home for vacations! My brothers, too. Smissmas is huge back at home.Soldier: I vacation in America!Engineer: I wouldn’t mind going somewhere quiet-like and drinking a beer by a campfire.Medic: Heh! Well, I’ve been banned from several countries and am running out of places to go. I usually go off the grid and conduct scientific experiments wherever I roam.Heavy: I used to visit sisters and mother in free time. Now they do not need Misha anymore. We will see.Demoman: I don’t go home, that’s for sure. Me mum’s always complaining that I’m lazing around me house. So, I stay around the base. (Though, I do have tae go home for the holidays.)Spy: I go to Paris more often than not. Paris, Italy, Spain, etc. I prefer places of culture.

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What body type are the mercs most attracted to?

Pauling here! Honestly, I don't think any of the mercs really care about body type. For example, Scout had zero complaints about... well... doing the nasty with Zhanna. The only reason he didn't is because he wants to be committed to me. (It's never gonna happen, poor fella, but I appreciate the gesture.) If the guys really love you, they'll find something to love about your body, no matter your figure. Frail and thin? "You're so delicate!"Got a bit of junk in the trunk? "You're so soft and comfortable!" (LOTS of cuddles!)Muscular and strong? "Oh HELL yes!"I think it depends on the personality more than anything. I think the personalities that they'd be into would be the question to ask.

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So~... Pauling, what's your type?

Pauling here! My type? Oh, wow. I'm thinking someone adventurous, but with a calming aura. She's got to be patient with me and show interest. Someone I can be friends with, as well as lovers. I dunno. I'm not really looking for a man.

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A Note From the Administrator.

Apparently, our blog has had a request regarding a "Christian Brutal Sniper," a fan-made character. Please understand that similar characters such as "tenta-spy," "creepypasta fortress," etc. will be ignored. The request will still be written, but this blog will only acknowledge our actual employees and the people they know.

Have a good day.

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The mercs + christain brutal sniper witness seeing their s/o changing with out s/o knowing that thry are there. What do they mercs and cbs do?

Pauling here! Sorry, anon. I have no idea what "Christian Brutal Sniper" is. Sorry!

Sniper: Oi, mate/sheila! Would you do me a favor, love, and lock the door first? Sorry ‘bout that.

Pyro: (Says nothing, sits in a corner, and plays with a match until they finish.)

Scout: Yo, uh, hey. Uh, you look good over there. I, uh… You need a, uh, a hand? Over there? Or anything? I can get a bucket of chicken or something.(Pauling’s note: At least it’s the one person he wouldn’t mind seeing without pants.)

Soldier: Great idea, sweetie! I’ll go get the honey!

Engineer: Oh, my. It ain’t very gentleman-like to stand around peeping. I’ll just close the door and let them get dressed.

Heavy: Heavy will guard door to make sure nobody makes same mistake.

Medic: Oh, don’t mind me, dear. Now, about that question I had; Say I have eight souls and a direct ticket to Hell…

Demoman: Ach, good morning. OH. Aye, I should get going. (He then proceeds to stumble towards the door.)

Spy: Oh, merde. My apologies, mon petit chou fleur. Go and change. I’ll be right outside.

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Sniper: I've learned more from my adoptive dad than my actual dad and I think after the first shock, I'd be alright. I like to think I'd be a good dad to my little Mundee. Besides, with my line of work, I can guarantee that they won't go hungry.

Pyro: !?

Scout: I'm sorry? I don't follow. Nah, wait. You're serious? Oh god I'm not ready. I'm not dad material. Shit shit shit what if I'm a shit dad and leave my kid or my kid dies or if I have to pay child support or- wait. My dad's Tom Jones! I got this!

Soldier: Aha! I brought a new American into the world! They're gonna kick ass and take names in the name of war! Oorah!

Engineer: Pardon? Well, I'll be. All my life I've been building machines, but now I get to build up morals and principles in a young person of my own. Ain't that beautiful.

Medic: Why of course, I'm father to several infants. Let me see... Oh. That one's not a baboon. Oh dear...

Heavy: All my life, I take care of sisters. They are grown now. Now I take care of baby.

Demoman: Oh, look at that! A wee lad in a bundle! Aye? What's that? It's MINE? Ach. Let me grab a bottle...

Spy: When mon petite chou fleur gave birth to Scout, I ran away. Some "father" I am.

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Sniper: This is a pickle. It’s hard to follow through on your plan to kill someone if they’re smarter than you. Then again, office romances aren’t professional either, are they?

Pyro: Hrm mrph hrrrmf!

(Be my friend!)

Scout: Well, damn! I didn’t expect this. This gal’s almost as good as me! Maybe we can grab a bucket of chicken if she ain’t got a boyfriend. I mean, I ain’t got a boyfriend, so I’m free to do whatever.

(Pauling’s note: He’ll get a ton of flak for being surpassed by a girl. It’ll annoy him and possibly the girl in question, too.)

Soldier: Well son, I gave the most capable woman I've ever met my heart. She’s strong, she’s a genius on the battlefield, and she has a shovel for a hand! However, my heart’s been pledged to her, so she’ll probably tear you in two if you look at me in a fiery way.

Engineer: Now, a girl smarter than me can help me a great deal with developing new technology to help the team, maybe even find a new source of energy other than Austrailium. It don’t matter what’s she got, as long as she’s got the brains to do this kind of thing.

Medic: Perhaps the team will call on her more often is her knowledge of medical science surpasses mine. Perhaps we can ponder the possibilities of this knowledge together and exchange scientific theories on a regular basis.

Heavy: I did not expect any other man, much less a woman, to be able to lift Sascha. Needless to say, woman will be dead for touching Sascha. Maybe.

Demoman: Bloody hell! She can hold her liquor better than I! I’m in love!

Spy: If someone passes you in skill, find a way to eliminate them. They are an obstacle.

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Pauling here! This is a great question! It’s actually a lot of fun getting these questions answered and making them think we don't already know everything about them. Keep up the questions! Oh! And my favorite kind of movies is fantasy, like Lord of the Rings.

Sniper: Nature documentaries are my favorite.

Pyro: Hrm mrph hrshnmf mrphhrsh! (I like Disney movies!)

Scout: I’m a fan of sports movies and comedies. Kinda like Happy Gilmore or something. BUT my favorite movie is Die Hard, even though it doesn't fit into any of those categories. I love it when he says, “Glass? Who gives a shit about glass?”

Soldier: I watch American movies with EXPLOSIONS and WAR, like Toy Story!

Engineer: I’ve taken a liking to inspirational movies, like Pay It Forward.

Medic: I’m rather fond of horror films like Frankenstein and Jekyll and Hyde.

Heavy: Heavy likes what Americans call “tear jerks.” They make me laugh!

(Pauling's note: I saw him cry like a baby after Marley and Me. He’s actually a big softie!)

Demoman: I dunnae about a genre, but I do like that Michael Bay lad. I play a game where I drink after every explosion and it's gotten me kicked from several theaters.

Spy: I consider myself enamored with romance movies, such as Moulin Rouge.

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Pauling Here!

ACK! A couple of clients have let me know that our ask box appeared closed. It’s been fixed, and I thank those individuals for the notification and I thank you guys for being patient.

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Pauling here! I feel that it’s best that I take this one, having been through this myself with the exception of living with them.

The guys wouldn’t really treat you much differently than they would the other mercenaries, except perhaps they’ll be a bit delicate with you and maybe even protective. However, this would be if you were inclined to befriend them. If not, they’d more or less leave you alone to do your job.

The one person I would warn you about, though, is Scout.

Scout WILL hit on you and flirt with you. He’ll do it all the time. It’s annoying. He’s the one who will want more than a professional relationship regardless of how much or how little you interact in your jobs. He hasn’t matured enough yet to know where the line is (which he should have by now. He’s 27!) but I digress.

If you’re considering taking a job here, I wouldn’t expect much oddities in your Mann Co. working experience. They’ll treat you like a coworker. They’ll treat you like a member of the Team Fortress family.

(Side note: They DO in fact live in a base, depending on where our battle location is. If they’re fighting in the badlands of New Mexico, each team has their own home base. If they’re fighting in Hong Kong, they have “borrowed” apartments from the abandoned sector of the city that we’ve blocked off. Additionally, the South American bases were built shortly prior to the opening of the battlefields down there. We have bases all over the world, even on an asteroid.)

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So we went to see Rocky Horror...

Pauling here! This weekend I decided to take the guys out to a screening of the Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was a great time, and I decided that this would be great to jot down and share on the blog! I hope this batch of reactions will thrill you, chill you, and fulfill you!

Sniper: It took me awhile to get into it. I had a ball with the water guns at the rain scene though. (I may or may not have filled the guns with piss.)

Pyro: Hrm hum huddah hr huddah hrmph hurmph hmffhhr.

(I got kicked out for having real fire.)

Scout: I wasn’t so huge on the flick itself, but I did like the callbacks. I’ve never done this in a theater before, so I had a blast making the whole audience laugh with my awesome sense of humor!

(Pauling’s note: Only one of his comments earned a distant chuckle at most.)

Soldier: I was oddly aroused.

Engineer: I didn’t quite care for it, but I did have a hoot doing the “Time Warp.” That part was mighty fine.

Medic: I loved it! I could truly relate to Doctor Frank N Furter on every level. I think he’s going to be my next Halloween costume!

Heavy: It was not for me. Heavy does not understand these jokes or why people shout at screen.

Demoman: I had fun with all the props and shouting obscenities at the film. It was a bloody good time!

Spy: I hated most of the experience. It was insane, bizarre, and overall noisy. (Not to mention, it’s awkward hearing your son make crude sex jokes right next to you.) The only callback I ever uttered was, “Buy an umbrella, you cheap bitch!” when she used a newspaper to shield herself from the rain. I was that annoyed with the film before the third number. However, I did quite enjoy the song Dr. Furter sang about finding home on earth at the end. It almost made me care about these characters.