thalassoaromantic

[thalassoaromantic]

Making my own post but I was inspired by another, BUT: happy pride to aromantics and asexuals who have a complicated relationship with one of the above, who don't know exactly where you fall on that spectrum, who are FUNCTIONALLY aro/ace for whatever reason but aren't sure if it's just outside influence causing it or a way you were born, etc etc. Happy pride to complicated identities, complex relationships with sex, romance, and gender, and those for whom none of the current labels feel exactly "right." Happy pride to people with labels that seemingly conflict with each other.

All that these labels are are humans trying to put abstract feelings into words, and sometimes there just isn't a word yet for exactly what you feel, or the words that exist supposedly can't be used together the way that you do it. Sometimes there is a feeling that words just fail for. That doesn't make those feelings less real, or make you totally alone-- there are so many people in this world that certainly, at least one other HAS to've felt the way that you do.

[thalassoaromantic]

So sad to read that “aces get all the rep” ’cause like, sure, there is more ace rep than aro rep around.

It’s still hard to mention 10 canon ace characters. I could do it, since I specifically seek out all kinds of aspec rep, but most of it is very minor books/comics that no one uninterested in aspec rep would know or ever have heard of (and the more mainstream ones are usually completely ignored by the fandom).

Aces don’t get all the rep, they get some rep. Aros get less than that.

The problem isn’t the ace rep. Let’s not make this a battle of who gets more scraps. Aspec people need more rep, undoubtedly, but getting upset at what little rep we currently get isn’t going to fix anything.

[thalassoaromantic]

Can I just say, uh, I’m pretty sure noticing you’re asexual is harder than noticing you’re gay, straight, pan or otherwise. Like, I just read someone’s desciption of hitting puberty and, like, there’s nothing like that. There’s no sudden ‘boob’ moment, no sudden ‘fuck, I’d fuck that’ moment, not sudden anything. You just, like, plod on through life as usual going ‘oooh, that’s pretty, I’d like that hair’ or ‘oooooh, they’re nice, I’d like to be close to them’ but there’s no like, ‘oh, someone would want to fuck that but I don’t’, you know? You just- you don’t notice, you don’t realise everyone else has ‘had a moment’ but you haven’t, you just- keep going as you always have.

And then, much much later, you start to wonder why people are getting so caught up in drama for romance or sex, like, why bother? It’s not worth it, they’re not worth it, why are you doing stupid things for something that’s so- and then you wonder if there’s something wrong with you, start mentally over compensating. Like ‘uh, okay, um, who should I date? Who can I stand to date? Who could I stand to fuck?’ like- it’s not, it’s not something you want, but you want to fit in, to be normal.

Sometimes you don’t even know that you’re doing it.

Sometimes you don’t even know asexual’s a thing.

I dunno, I guess, I just feel like, uh, people should understand more?

idk sorry thank you for listening to me

[thalassoaromantic]

Actually that cis hetero aromantic man that's always invading queer spaces is there because I keep inviting him

[thalassoaromantic]

ace culture is not realizing you're ace bc you experience hella aesthetic attraction and you didn't realize everyone actually wanted to fuck each other

.

[thalassoaromantic]

man what specific string of words do i have to type into the search bar to find posts that somewhat capture how i feel

[thalassoaromantic]

So, it's not a moral failing to be bad at what I'm about to describe. But collectively, most of Tumblr is bad at identifying polls that function as bait for bigotry and harassment. Polls that, either intentionally or unintentionally, encourage people to spew hatred about a marginalized queer sub-community — because that sub-community is considered, at least by some, an acceptable enough target.

Most of us have probably seen that polyamory poll go around (as of September 2024). Fewer people have probably taken a look at the notes on that poll — and in many ways, that's for the best, because a lot of the notes are fucking vile. I won't link the poll itself, but content warning for threats of domestic violence and suicide in just this sampling. I don't know enough about the poll creator to make assumptions towards their intent, but that poll was functionally bait, acting as encouragement for people to spew vitriol and bigotry.

And none of this is specific to that individual poll! In December 2023, a single person made a series of polls about friends with benefits, and the "question" of whether aromantic heterosexual cisgender men were queer — and those polls led to huge waves of arophobia and sex negativity (inseparable from, let's be honest, some mask-off radfem shit). On top of that, multiple polls about people's feelings towards sex, or experiences with such, have turned into a festival for bashing both asexuals and virgins — insofar as the people doing the bashing use those words as anything but interchangeable insults.

Polyamorous people. Aromantic people, especially aromantic allosexuals. Asexual people, especially those who are virgins or sex-repulsed. That's a clear and obvious trend — they're all people who do relationships differently. People whose relationships and identities are considered "cringe." Who are considered acceptable targets to mock within the queer community. Making fun of "polycule drama," making fun of "queerplatonic," making fun of a-spec microlabels.

So many people who call themselves sex-positive refuse to extend that positivity to polyamorous people and aromantic people. To casual sex, to sex without monogamous romance. They insist that the polyamorous, the aromantic, are in fact the predators, the abusers, the degenerate queers that the conservative pearl-clutching queerphobes were right about. They tack on asexuals to the "abuser" category, too, because allegedly no one could ever be happy in a relationship with an asexual; because allegedly it's manipulative to your partner to refuse sex! Meanwhile, asexuality and sex repulsion are conflated with the completely different concept of sex negativity, twisting the language of sexual liberation to demonize asexuals further...

And yes, polls play a role in all of this! Of course, not every poll about sexual experiences, for one example, is a poll intended to bait or to harm people! But if they blow up, there is a high risk of people feeling emboldened to comment things like: "so many people are okay with casual sex, or multiple sexual partners! this is what's wrong with the world, it's all just toxic hookup culture!" Or if not that, then things like: "look how few people on this virgin loser website have had sex! this is what's responsible for cultural sex negativity! they'd all be better, more progressive queers if they just got laid more!"

And that's not even getting into the obvious, and obviously intentional bait. The "cishet aromantic men" poll, most egregiously. Clout-chasers hide behind the veil of "I'm just curious about people's opinions!" and then, put out a poll catered to the most rancid, exclusionist, verging-on-radfem opinions. At the very least, catered to platforming them seriously, when people inevitably feel emboldened to say that shit they've been thinking.

And "emboldened" really is the key word here. These polls increase the social acceptability of saying cruel shit about polyamorous people, a-spec people, and whoever else becomes the queer community's acceptable target of the year. The groups discussed in this post are by no means the only popular targets for harassment and exclusionism, but they are some of the most egregious examples I've seen personally, and they are tied together by their non-normative approaches to relationships or lack thereof. Moreover, the groups overlap — I am personally aromantic and asexual, not polyamorous — but even then, my struggles with amatonormativity overlap with those of polyamorous people.

And I bring this up because for years, I've witnessed popular Tumblr bloggers attack a-specs and polyamorous people within the same posts. With the same tactics, using cringe culture in addition to demonizing alternative types of relationships. Now, polls are another weapon for harassing us. And, it is... absolutely exhausting.

Of course, there's obviously a sliding scale of how prone polls can be to harassment. I don't think polls just asking about people's sexual experiences need to be totally anathemized and blotted off the face of the earth, for example — but you know, maybe consider searching OP's blog for "asexual" and some other keywords before you reblog one?

Furthermore, maybe just don't reblog polls about "does X count as LGBTQ," even if you're in support, because you're still legitimizing the poll to begin with. Maybe proceed with caution with posts that mention polyamory, even if not in an inflammatory way, unless maybe you know that OP is polyam themselves. Maybe block, obviously don't harass, but just silently and unceremoniously block people that make a lot of clout-chasing polls about controversial queer issues.

I don't know. I don't have all the answers. I'm not an expert on catching these red flags myself — the first time I saw the polyamory poll, I ignored it just because it was irrelevant to me as a non-partnering person, not because I clocked it as something that would generate hate and threats. So really, if I do have a plea to end on — it's just to listen to people, polyam and a-spec and otherwise, when they say that some post is generating hate and threats towards them. And then, maybe, try to learn some red and orange flags from the experience.

None of us are part of every queer sub-community that Tumblr loves to harass. We all have blind spots, and that's inevitable, not a failure of you as a person. But after seeing so many of these bait polls go around, after seeing multiple rallying effects in the communities followed by people letting their guards down, and circulating a slightly different bait poll... well? I just hope that eventually, people will be willing to learn.

[thalassoaromantic]

every so often, i think, and it might be so selfish of me, but i crave to be someone's first choice. i want to be the person that someone sees fun things to do and their first thought is to ask me to go with them. i want someone to be willing to inconvenience themselves a little bit sometimes for me as i would do for them. i want to be looked at in a list of people and to have someone pick me out of all of them. i want to be held at the same level as a romantic partner in terms of effort and closeness. i want someone to want me as much as i want them, even though it's not in a romantic sense. i want to be important to someone.

[thalassoaromantic]

It's Mother's Day in France today, so I figured I'd share another conversation with my mom that made my day recently

[thalassoaromantic]

i came out to my mom & she said i “invented” aromanticism and asexuality

so for all the aroaces out there you’re welcome 😔🙏

i’m out here doing gods work

[thalassoaromantic]

Happy Aromantic Spectrum Awareness Week! aromantic characters be upon ye

Jughead (2015) // Sonic the Hedgehog // Bloom Into You // Steven Universe // The Case Files of Jeweller Richard // The Owl House // I Want To Be A Wall // The Disastrous Life of Saiki K.

[thalassoaromantic]

HAPPY FRIDAY EVERYONE 💚🤍🩶🖤

[thalassoaromantic]

guys if you want to trend the aromantic tag today I need you to NOT tag your posts as v@lentine's day as well like pls do u see why that wouldn't work?

[thalassoaromantic]

aros of tumblr are we gonna do the valentines tradition of getting the aro tag trending again this year . please

[thalassoaromantic]

"Happy Valentines Day-" 💥🔫

It's gone now, don't worry. Go get your cheap chocolates, it can't hurt you anymore

[thalassoaromantic]

wishing a very platonic valentines to all my aroace homies

[thalassoaromantic]

this is my favorite pic at the moment like I'll knock all this shit over irdgaf