He/Him, in my twenties, by god I'm not a bot. That is all.
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Pomegranates are the most dramatic fruit ever.

Bitch you are a piece of fruit why does it look like I murdered you. Why do you leave my fingertips red and stained. Why do you run down my hands to my elbows when I tear you apart. Why must I rip your body into bloodied chunks to get what's inside of you. Why do you sound so lovely when I crack you open. Why must I eat you with a knife and my bare hands. Why is there so much of you and why is there never enough.
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I did not have "Murderbot blurts random Swedish words while malfunctioning, thus confirming that The Company *is* actually Space IKEA" on my TV show bingo card, but I'm living for it.
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The first thing she did was cut her hair...
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how do you compete with an angel? become one yourself
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I don’t usually do crossovers, but a comic idea popped into my head, so i decided to see where it went o/ cw: blood







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Therapy for Thee but Not for Me: Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms in ‘Murderbot’ (Thoughts on Episodes 1-3)
Having now watched the third episode of ‘Murderbot’, I came away with two impressions: the first is that this is a better show as a binge. Maybe I’m too used to shows that are an hour long, but I feel like I’ve only just got sunk into an episode when it ends. But with a binge, I can just move onto the next, and the emotional through-line feels more well-drawn.
Spoilers below the cut.
The second thing is that I think this was really the final wrap episode for the introduction. We finally get an explanation for why PresAux is not only doing this survey, but aren’t willing to ditch it at the first sign of danger (honestly needed, if we’re going to flesh them and Preservation out further). And I really like the explanation provided! The notion that there is a bit more dissent in Preservation than we’ve seen in the books is welcome. Because of course there are some people there who are short-sighted, greedy, or simply ignorant enough to decide that the glamor and faux-prosperity of the Corporation Rim is more attractive than a planetary commune with constant resource struggles. Of course some people buy the propaganda and believe that the Corporation Rim is truly existing in a golden age that Preservation should be lucky to join. That happens in every society, no matter how well it’s doing. It is human nature to want what you don’t have, and to always want more.
And it’s a great motivation to explain why Mensah and her friends go to this planet, and then stay there even in the face of danger. It both establishes stakes and establishes this group as true believers in Preservation ideals. They are the most dedicated to the Preservation way of life, whether they were raised in that environment or are a recent convert.
We also get a little more time with a few underserved characters, particularly Ratthi and Bharadwaj, while elaborating on characters with more onscreen time like Mensah and Gurathin. I’d still like to spend more time with Pin-Lee and Arada, but I feel like that’s coming soon enough. I had thought the plot would really kick off in this episode, and in some ways it did (a whole lot of ‘All Systems Red’ was covered in this one episode, plot-wise), but it also felt like the last moment of early-static-state for these characters.
And a huge part of that early static state is really hammering home how every character does (and doesn’t) deal with mounting stress. This, like the books, is a show centering emotion. In the books, it was almost exclusively Murderbot’s emotions, but here we see Murderbot as a part of a tapestry of emotion, one person amongst an ensemble it has not yet accepted that it’s a part of. And as it has poor coping mechanisms, that just puts it in excellent company with this group of humans with fuck-awful coping mechanisms.
So before we get into the meat of the action and, I suspect, meet our mystery additional character next episode (who I now suspect might be a ‘Company rep’ or something), I wanted to talk about the coping mechanisms (bad and good) everyone is rocking, and the arcs I suspect they’re setting up.
MURDERBOT: ESCAPISM
Let’s start with everyone’s favorite SecUnit. Episode 3 really drove home how escapist and purposefully detached Murderbot is at this point in the story. It is actively resisting caring or connection, wanting to escape every interaction or responsibility to sink into the comfort of its shows.
Not surprisingly, and paralleling the book, this is setting up the arc of caring. Next episode will probably feature Mensah saving it from the other SecUnit, and the shocking (for it) realization that she is willing to risk herself to save it. This is the major turning point in their relationship, and in its understanding of people. At this moment in episode 3, we are really seeing the last active resistance to this: it doesn’t think of itself as a person. It doesn’t want to hear what Mensah has to say about her worries or her fears. I know some people have seen this scene as trauma-dumping, but I didn’t read that at all into that scene. Rather, I saw Mensah trying to make a connection. She has decided that Gurathin is wrong: this SecUnit is a person, and it has emotions and thoughts and feelings. And as she stares down the barrel of a very bad situation, she is trying to make it care. She is reaching out, explaining her fears because she wants it to see her and her friends as people. She wants it to understand why they can’t just back out, can’t turn tail at the first sign of danger. She is trying to forge a connection.
And Murderbot isn’t there yet. It’s avoidant, angrier in this episode than it was before, it’s on edge after both Ratthi and Gurathin seem convinced that it’s more than just an ordinary SecUnit. It knows it’s not faking being an ordinary SecUnit well, and it wants out.
And more than that, it is self-soothing the anger and the resentment and the fear that defines its existence at this point with its shows. I think it’s interesting that, instead of ‘Sanctuary Moon’, this episode introduces us to a much grimmer show, ‘Strife in the Galaxy’, which explicitly shows constructs like SecUnit being tortured (although it points out that this doesn’t seem particularly realistic) and stressing their own struggles and individuality. And it considers this an inferior show. Why? Because it cannot imagine doing that. At this point it can’t imagine being as defiant as the (ComfortUnits??) constructs in the show. It’ll enjoy the unrealistic aspects of ‘Sanctuary Moon’, but I get the feeling that the unrealism of ‘Strife’ strikes a little too close to home to be good quality escape.
But it keeps watching. Because if it keeps just burying itself in media, it never needs to care. It never needs to feel deeper, more complicated, more dangerous emotions about real people who could be in real danger. It can just … exist, comfortably numb, and bide its time. For what? Unclear, probably even to Murderbot. Carin will be thie thing that motivates it out of this static state, but that is terrifying, and it is resisting that with every single minute of entertainment it’s downloaded.
DR. MENSAH and PROF. BHARADWAJ: AVOIDANCE
These two feel like parallel characters right now. They’re both older women, both feel a weight of responsibility, and both feel like they’re doing the same thing: pretend everything is fine, act strong when everyone else can see you (and rely on you), offer help wherever you can, fall apart only when you’re safely alone.
They tackle it differently. Mensah is, to her team, the consummate professional. We see her fears and doubts only through SecUnit’s spyware or because she’s chosen to talk to it late at night when everyone else is asleep. And why did she choose that?
I’ve seen some people, as I mentioned, say that she was trauma dumping. But I read this as an attempt to reach out to the only other person, in her mind, who was sort of in her same position. Because they were both being relied on by everyone else. Because if they faltered, everything could fall apart. I read her talk with Murderbot as a way of expressing how much this mission actually means to all of them, why it matters, why it might even matter to their SecUnit, and I genuinely think she was hoping for it to share its own fears and struggles in return. She wasn’t dumping; she was opening up in an incredibly vulnerable way to a person that at least one of her friends thinks is a potential spree killer. But she looks at this person, and she sees someone in a similar position of responsibility, equally unable to share its frustrations and fears. Reaching out was a risk. She knows it’s spying on them. But she also believes that it is more that was it was built to be, so it was worth the risk to try to connect on a deeper level.
And it still can’t reach back. She’s left wanting. Like everyone elose in the episode, she fails at dealing with the stress well. She does the best of all of them, in my estimation, but she still fails, because at this point in the story they all need to fail. They all need a hole they can climb out of.
Bharadwaj certainly isn’t doing any better. She, like Mensah, is holding it together by her fingernails. But while Mensah has the leader persona she wraps around herself, Bharadwaj has jokes and energy and exuberance. She has an indomitable spirit, right up until there’s no one to perform for.
And then she breaks down crying, and who wouldn’t? She almost died. She, of everyone, was the closest to just suddenly losing everything, and how do you process that? How do you deal with the sudden and undeniable reality of your own mortality shoved so brutally in your face? Of course she’s not dealing well. And of course she, like Mensah—like everyone else who wants to be there for their friends and never let them know how much they themselves might need help in turn, like everyone else who is used to being the strong, steady, reliable, fun one—ends up hiding it. And Gurathin stumbles into it, but he can barely process his own trauma, let alone anyone else’s. He tries to reach out as best he can, and it’s not what she needs, and it fails them both. There is a surprising level of tragedy underling this episode that creeps out slowly on viewing it again. I really appreciate that, as on-the-nose as the writing can seem, this show is actually working at several different levels, and Bharadwaj trying and failing to deal with the sudden and immense trauma she’s experienced is one of them.
I think both Mensah and Bharadwaj are being set up for arcs of being able to accept help as well as give it. Mensah’s biggest struggle in the books is even admitting to those she loves that she’s not doing well mentally, and I think we’ll see echoes of that here. Bharadwaj ends up as more or less Murderbot’s therapist (while couching it in ‘making a documentary’), and while I’m not sure it’ll play out precisely in that format, I want to see them all connecting on that level. The human characters act as mirrors for Murderbot, and both Mensah and Bharadwaj are just as avoidant of their trauma as Murderbot is in its way, and just like it, they are going to fail to keep it all together. They are going to have to reach out, but that won’t be weakness. Acknowledging their needs, their fears, their broken parts to those they love will eventually help them mend those broken bits in ways they never could have managed alone.
DR. ARADA, PIN-LEE, AND DR. RATTHI: PHYSICAL COMFORT WHILE IGNORING THE EMOTIONS UNDERLYING EVERYTHING
It doesn’t surprise me that the ill-advised throuple is all about trying for physical comfort while ignoring the fact that this comfort is built on quicksand. One thing this episode really nails is that this arrangement was built on shaky ground, and they can all feel it but none of them are directly discussing it. I feel like this relationship is serving as a metaphor for all their myriad issues of dependence, distrust, poor communication, and an inability to simply discuss contradictory needs.
Pin-Lee has been hiding innocuous things like their video game habits from their wife (likely because they think Arada wouldn’t approve of them playing violent video games). Arada is trying to fill relationship troubles with a third person, hoping things work out better than the last time, all while clearly not addressing the root issues she and Pin-Lee are facing. And Ratthi, forever happy to be here, is ignoring the fact that his presence in this arrangement is both more complicated and less helpful than he might hope.
I also like that we can contrast this disaster trio with Mensah’s clearly stable, clearly long-term, clearly loving arrangement with her marital partners. Because they might not have wanted her to go, but they still love and support her. They still have seven children together, whose picture acts as the centerpiece to her room. If the show goes on for more seasons, we’ll certainly see more of Mensah’s family, but it’s nice to establish the norm of multiple marriages in Preservation society this early, and how healthy and stable they are, especially in light of the disaster throuple that is Arada, Ratthi, and Pin-Lee.
I love Ratthi’s self-doubts in this episode, because I think it highlights how much he’s trying to use his friendliness, his supportiveness, his Golden-Retriever-of-a-Man-ness to cover his self-doubt and even flavors of self-loathing. There is clearly a lot about himself he doesn’t quite like, that he struggles with. He is naturally sociable, naturally flirty. He loves a good time, loves to trust people, and (if he’s true to his book counterpart), loves to love all different sorts of people. But he struggles with commitment. He struggles to live up to the standards he’s setting for himself. So he’s too hungover to do weapons training. He’s too eager to get the survey equipment and almost runs into danger. He so earnestly wants to be there for everyone, so of course having sex with his friends seems like a great idea. After all, for him, sex and friendship go together great. I don’t really think he’s yet dug into the fact that Pin-Lee and Arada are sort of using him to paper over the cracks in their own foundation, and I’m interested to see how he reacts to realizing that’s the case.
His arc is a little difficult to see right now, but I imagine it’s going to be someting about finding himself. He’s a great guy; he’s eventually going to be SecUnit’s best friend. But who is he when he’s not being what everyone else needs? Who is Ratthi just on his own? I hope we (and maybe he) get to know that.
Pin-Lee has a little more definition to them after this episode, and I hope we keep getting more. They’ve been built up quietly in the background, doing a lot of necessary plot work because it fits their personality rather than their job. They’re the one analyzing the satellite data for patterns in the outages, and this tells the audience a lot about their need for everything to make sense and fit neatly. They are a lover of patterns and order. They are almost certainly the one who pushed for the throuple contract (because of course Pin-Lee needs a contract). They see offering up another throuple as a means to fix things that frankly need honest discussions, but a contract is easier than a discussion, and one discussion may lead to another.
It’s clear Pin-Lee loves their wife, but seems to fear their wife doesn’t love them nearly as much. So they hide parts of themself they think Arada might find objectionable. They blunt their edges. I think a lot of Pin-Lee’s arc is going to be shifting further into the Pin-Lee from the books as they gain confidence. But that requires them to work through their issues with their wife. It requires trust rather than contract, accepting that they won’t always see the patterns and have control, and being okay with that. I wasn’t sure about combining Pin-Lee and Overse at first, but the more I look at it, the more interesting of an arc has been set up for this character, going from an amalgamation with more Overse into more of a book-true Pin-Lee, specifically by embracing many things Pin-Lee struggles with.
Arada is the mystery to me right now. She’s very caring, very focused on being kind and fair. She’s the one who first has clearly decided that SecUnit is a person. She’s the one who insists that the worm that tried to eat her was simply an animal doing what animals do. She’s the one who makes certain people are validated, supported, given gifts of embroidery and windchimes. She’s the heart of the group in many ways.
But who is she beneath the care? I feel like we haven’t gotten to know her as well as the others quite yet, and I really want to learn more about her perspective. She brings a great, solid base of caring to the equation, but she can also clearly blind herself to her own more selfish impulses. There isn’t a deliberately selfish or cruel bone in her body, but there is a part of her that happily believes that if she wants something, her spouse wants it too. If Pin-Lee doesn’t openly object, then Pin-Lee is trilled to be a part of whatever Arada wants. It’s a very ordinary, human flaw, to overlook someone else’s discomfort in your own excitement.
I want to see that dug into, more explored. I want all the awkward, painful bits of Arada to come out the same as we’re getting for the others. Of everyone, I feel like her shitty coping mechanisms are perhaps the least defined, and I am eager to see them laid bare. I think her arc has yet to take shape, and I am eager to know where she’s going.
DR. GURATHIN: HYPERVIGILANCE AND HYPERCOMPETENCE
Oh boy, the king of shitty coping mechanisms came into fairly sharp focus in this episode, didn’t he? He only really got three scenes, being kept on base with Bharadwaj, but each of them hits hard for different reasons. His argument with Mensah about going to DeltFall drives home his hypervigilance, and how it turns him inward to the point of paranoia and bringing out his own worst impulses.
He is fiercely protective of this group of friends, these very few people who he cares about, and is willing to do some fairly shitty things to keep them safe. And even so, everything feels like it’s slipping out of his control (and he needs to be useful, and he needs to have control). His better nature can still be reached, particuarly by Mensah who is still able to talk him down. This episode makes it clear how much he puts Mensah on a pedestal as The Best Person (it’s funnily enough similar to what Murderbot does after ‘All Systems Red’ in the books). So he caves, and she and the team leave, and he’s left alone with Bharadwaj. Does he think it’s a good idea? No. Does it matter? Not really, but also on a personal level it matters very much, because it leaves him in a position to stew in his own insecurities and fears. And he’s got more than his fair share of both.
In the scene with Bharadwaj we see his second major coping mechanism: the need to be useful. He can’t talk to her about her experiences. He doesn’t understand them and is painfully fucking awkward at the best of times, and he knows it. But he offers up the trauma modules he has that clearly helped him at least a little. It’s what he’s got, and it’s what he’s comfortable offering a friend in need.
She turns him down. And this triggers his final scene in the show, and one that plays on multiple layers. The first layer is SecUnit’s layer, the one we’re presented when we listen to and believe its voiceover, and that is that he’s being creepy. He’s going into Mensah’s room without her permission; he looks at the photo of her kids and he smells her pillow. That’s creepy, right? Right?
But if you watch the scene on mute, without the color commentary, it feels a lot more like a poor attempt at self-soothing in the face of a breakdown. Gurathin’s backstory is not very clear at this point, but I think it’s safe to assume his relationship with his parents is a far cry from Mensah’s loving family. So there is comfort in seeing the photo of her children (and if he and Mensah have been friends for six years, he probably knows the kids at least a little). He’s clinging to this ideal of Mensah as what he wants to be, as much as he has a crush on her: to him she’s competent, caring, effortlessly balancing the needs of everyone. She’s a good mother, a good friend, a good leader.
And in the face of the fear of losing her, of losing all his friends to unknown and uncontrollable dangers, he falls apart. In this place where he maybe feels just a little safe, he completely collapses. It’s not pretty and it’s not great and it’s absolutely bordering on inappropriate. Yes, it sure does look like he smell her pillow (not great, even if she never finds out), but after that he mostly just shatters. He’s sobbing by the end of the scene, and the narration just doesn’t quite notice it, and because the audience can’t hear it, it’s easy to miss. There is an enormous disconnect between what SecUnit thinks is happening in that moment (tawdry, one-dimensional creeping) and what is actually happening (understandable, still inappropriate, badly maladaptive, but deeply human breakdown).
He, like Bharadwaj, is having his coping mechanisms fail him. He’s not useful. He’s hypervigilant to the point of paranoia, and it’s NOT HELPING. It could easily drive a wedge between him and his friends and he can’t help it because it’s what he knows how to do. He protects what little he cares about. There is an obvious ruthless, selfish streak to him that remains from the Corporation Rim and whatever was done to him there (and the more hints we get, the more sense we get that it was BAD).
Interestingly, I’m not sure where Gurathin’s arc is headed. He’s one of the best developed characters at this point, but it’s all not great. He’s got a lot of room to grow, but in what direction? I’m not sure, and I’m honestly excited that I’m not sure. It makes more of a mystery, trying to figure out what the writers are planning on doing with him aside from making him a narrative foil for Muderbot.
CONCLUSIONS
I really like that the show is being bold in its choices to show the uglier, more maladaptive sides of these people. I like that it’s trying, with only about twenty minutes an episode, to actually make them believable people having believable responsives to an incredibly difficult situation.
That’s what I ended up really taking away from this continuation of the series, after watching it back to back to back with the previous two: we now have an idea of most of these characters’ stress responses, how good or often bad they are. They are all so eager (except SecUnit) to help one another, but they are all trying desperately to hide how much they need help. They are kind and caring, but still painfully human.
With Mensah reaching out to SecUnit, with the first tentative attempt to make it care, I think we as the audience have also been positioned to see these people as their own raw selves, and to learn to embrace them, to care, just as much as Murderbot will begin to care about them.
I am still really liking this show. I still want to see where it’s going. If anything, I wish that each episode was just a few minutes longer, because a lot of moments are surprisingly subtle, undermining the narration, and acting as contrast to the way SecUnit currently perceives the world. Would it be better if those moments had a bit longer to breathe, or is their subtelty and the need to watch the show a few times to catch everything part of the charm?
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I organized a 'Broken Tablet' event based on 'The Locked Tomb' with my friends! 'Broken Tablet' is a game where one artist draws an artwork, then blurs it and sends the blurred image to the next artist, who draws what they see. And here’s what we’ve got!




The participants in order:
cbrcbbr (Tumblr, Twitter)
moxidi (Tumblr)
Fonserel (Telegram channel, Tumblr, Twitter)
Griddle
JackAl
Dani (Tumblr)
clubnich (Tumblr, Twitter)
Tanuki (Tumblr, Telegram channel)
lutyashka (Twitter, Telegram channel)
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