thattreeistoobig

[thattreeistoobig]

dw im not gonna bully you for admitting you didn't want them to worry but I AM going to bully you for trying to play it sooooo cool that you secretly think they're alright

I get the rights to do this because you make me look like the saddest wettest baby bird fallen out of a tree

[thattreeistoobig]

alters sharing every thing. a name, a body, a gift, a date. it is romantic. pushed close, not wanting to hurt, wanting to be okay. consciousness can be warm.

[thattreeistoobig]

thank you guys for playing blogs with me

[thattreeistoobig]

The problem with having a child with an attorney that has spoken to the child like an adult since birth is that she's 4 years old and she's negotiating the order in which we're going to complete tasks as a family to best suit her idea of an ideal day.

[thattreeistoobig]

My question is, what do the weird anti-kink people do when they discover they have a kink

do they just like

pretend everyone else likes feet or hair or McDonald’s playplace mascot statues or whatever exactly as much as they do

Or is it more of a Catholic denial-of-the-self sort of thing

[thattreeistoobig]

I don't know what paddington is doing on that list, but it made me think of the time someone drew a picture of the queen with paddington after she died, and we had scores of people losing their minds at the idea that paddington bear wasn't the same kind of communist as them

[thattreeistoobig]

If you take two different medications, but one has multiple pills/doses, count the amount of total pills/doses! Ex., I take 3 pills of one med but several other single pills of other meds, so I'm voting the total amount of pills I take each day 😌

DONT count recreational drugs though, regardless of what form they're in. Just meds you Need to take every day for your health, not for fun or due to addiction (no judging - just wanted to clarify c:)

[thattreeistoobig]

Absolutely wild to me how sometimes you don't even realize the way you'd been taught to perceive things as a kid was kinda fucked up, actually, until decades later.

Example:

As a kid, I constantly lived in fear of damaging shit in my parent's house. The walls. The floors (especially the floors. The wood was beautiful. Shiny. But so easy to scratch). The cabinets.

As a sixteen-year-old, I once took my car to the dealership after work and paid a very dear sum of $250 ($10/hr cashier salary) to fix a slight scratch in the paint because I knew if my father saw it there would be hell to pay. It didn't matter that I parked far out, like I'd been taught, and someone scratched it anyway. It was my fault. I failed in my duties as a steward of my vehicle.

Every time I scratched a rim on a curb while parallel parking or got a door ding or, god forbid, didn't wash and vacuum that car every weekend, it was treated like some sort of moral failing.

Last year, when my husband and I first moved into our house, he scraped the side of our car when parking in our (Very Narrow) garage. When he told me, my first instinct was to be afraid for him. Like something terrible was going to happen to him because of this mistake. I urgently reassured him that it was okay, it was an accident, I wasn't mad. Baffled, he was like, "Yeah? I know? Like, thank you for the reassurance, but I'm only a little annoyed, I'm not upset. It's just a car." And I had to take several minutes to process that. It's...just a car.

We keep the car tidy. We maintain it. But we wash it maybe 4x a year. We only vacuum it after dirty road trips or when the dog hair starts to get annoying. It has scrapes and dings and the leather seats have stains. But that's ok. Because it's just a car.

This morning, I realized that a small rock had gotten embedded in the felt foot on one of our bar stools. Neither of us had noticed. There are now scratches on our beautiful hardwood floor. My immediate response was fear accompanied by a heavy measure of paralyzing guilt. "I'm so sorry," I told my husband, "I should have noticed. I'll figure out how to fix it, I swear. I can probably sand down that section and match the stain and--"

"Whoa, hey," he said. "It was an accident. And it's fine. Floors are going to get damaged. They're floors. We live here. There was damage in places before we even bought the house, remember? It's not a big deal. It's just a floor." Right. It's just a floor. Right.

My husband's mom is visiting and this afternoon, as I was sitting in the kitchen looking at the scratches on the floor, I offhandedly asked her if my husband had ever broken or damaged anything as a kid. "Of course," she said. Household items. A TV. A wrecked car during his teen years. I asked how she punished him.

"Why would I punish him for things like that?" she said. "They were all accidents."

Right. Of course. Right.

[thattreeistoobig]

Hey man, ahead of this heatwave I'm gonna go ahead and rip the veil off of something for you:

The reason American Southerners have the luxury of saying that 90 ain't that bad and it's not unbearable until it's 100 is 1) prolonged exposure to high temperatures over multiple decades 2) our mindset for these living conditions.

You don't have number 1, and you can't just acquire it, so I need you to adopt number 2 immediately. How do you live like a Southerner in the heat?

Don't be a hero.

Stay inside. Buy a box fan, put it next to a bucket of ice, and wrap your arms around it like a lover. Do not leave the shade under any circumstances. If a dude makes fun of you for getting out of the sun, don't get mad, just think of a funnier insult to call him while you flip him off and go stand under a tree.

Southerners love nothing more than to exaggerate and lie to each other. Like I think we got off on the wrong foot when you walked in on us saying things like "It was only 110, I didn't even take my damn jacket off" when really, last week it was 95 at 10 PM and we were on the bed buck nekkid in front of the fan moaning incoherently and praying to die. So yeah, we can take extreme heat. We also want you to think we can take ludicrous heat. You must learn to talk shit and then be a hypocrite and a coward in your actions, because this will serve you best.

It sounds like I am joking but I cannot express to you how much I am not. Do not fuck with Mother Nature, because that bitch will kill you. Take every opportunity to lower your body temperature and drink water, because that is what all of us in hot climates are doing all the time, and that is why we are not dead, even when it seems like we should be.

(And yeah, we do go through like two and a half ugly weeks in April every year where everyone wants to absolutely just goddamn drop dead because none of us have our heat tolerance back, but we must go to work anyway, which must be a crime. And yes, when it gets below 70 we really all do short circuit and cover ourselves in seven jackets, except for Shorts Guy.)

[thattreeistoobig]

i will never understand the insane takes against having games be more accessible

[thattreeistoobig]

genuinely don't fucking understand how you can think fat men are ugly or disgusting or whatever. whenever i see a fat man i'm filled with joy and lust

[thattreeistoobig]

hey any high schoolers who might see this. People might not always have a nice neat answer when they say ‘it gets better’ but I know out of all my loved ones, not a single one would go back to when they were in high school for love nor money. So that must count for something. Hang in there, we believe in you and we’re cheering you on from the finish line.

[thattreeistoobig]

it was weird to talk about you / be talked about as if we're different concepts, different experiences with no overlap. we're the same / we're not quite the same and we're inseparable. I'm a part of you and you're a part of me. I guess it was just weird to feel like we were pulled apart and examined separately.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel rejected or as if you only exist because she forced you in here.

I mean, you're not wrong though. I do only exist because she forced me to be here. But I know what you're trying to say. I know you didn't mean to make us sound like we're far apart and alien to each other.

Yeah. You get it.

I get it.

[thattreeistoobig]

taking meds and patting your head mostly. next question.

[thattreeistoobig]

wildest form of co-fronting is you having control of all of the body except for one hand and arm. what are you doing with that thing

[thattreeistoobig]

I don't think you're bad. I don't think anything is wrong with you. I think you did exactly what was needed to survive and you did it really well. The fact that you feel bad about it is proof that she didn't break you in completely, because she would have wanted you to feel nothing.

You played your role and you did it so well you even fooled yourself. But you are a valued and trusted person and while I don't understand you and struggle to relate to you, I believe that you care deeply about other people and the effects of your actions.

I think it matters to you that you don't hurt people and I appreciate that about you. You're not evil, you're not he worst of us, you're just a scared kid trying her best to be the monster someone wants her to be. It's not your fault. You were not to blame for her actions, and frankly not for your own either since I know how much thought you put into finding the best possible outcome.

I love you even if you can't love a single part of yourself, okay?