the-doom-of-mandos

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Fingon: What is the problem?

Caranthir: She stole my thesaurus

Aredhel: He peddles falsehoods

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Maedhros: Is there something you would like to say, Celegorm?

Celegorm, about to cause a diplomatic incident: Oh, there are SEVERAL things I would like to say

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Caranthir: Thanks for not telling Nelyo what happened

Turgon, dumbfounded: I wouldn’t even know where to begin trying to explain this

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Celegorm: Honk

Maglor: WHAT

Celegorm: HONK

Maglor: WHAT DOES HONK MEAN THIS TIME YOU WHIMSICAL PIECE OF SHIT

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Celegorm, having been shot in the chest with an arrow: Message for you, Nelyo

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Curufin, after 78 hours without sleep: …and that, mum, is how we know Arda to be banana-shaped

Nerdanel, steering him to bed: This new learning amazes me, Curvo. Explain to me again how sheep’s bladders May be employed to prevent earthquakes

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Maedhros: Go and tell your master that we have been charged with a sacred quest. If he will give us food and shelter, he can join us in our quest to defeat Morgoth and retrieve the Silmarils

Beleg: Well, I’ll ask him, but I don’t think he’ll be very keen. Uh, he’s already got one, you see

Maedhros: What?

Fingon: He says they’ve already got one

Maedhros: Are you sure he’s got one?

Beleg: Oh yes, it’s very nice

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Finwë: Please! This is supposed to be a happy occasion! Let’s not bicker and argue over who killed who

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Fingolfin: Sometimes, it feels as if the Valar had a plan, but they were using a really outdated map

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Aegnor: Gatekeep, girlboss, and what the other one?

Galadriel: There isn’t another one. You’re crazy

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Cop: You ran a red light

Maglor: So did you, hypocrite

Cop: I was following you

Maglor: That was dumb, I’m a terrible driver

Cop: Get out

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Bailiff: Do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but truth?

Aredhel: No

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Morgoth: Why don’t you lie down and die with dignity

Curufin: We don’t do anything with dignity!

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Orodreth: I’ve made a spreadsheet of all the crime in Minas Tirith

Orodreth: There’s so much crime in Beleriand, no one should live here

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Maedhros: Go to hell!

Sauron: Where do you think I come from?

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Argon: At first I thought you were foolish and incompetent

Celegorm: My apologies for whatever misstep I may have made which dispelled that impression. It was an honest mistake, I swear

[the-doom-of-mandos]

Fëanor: Oh, so when crows remember people who’ve wronged them and hold grudges, it’s ‘intelligent’ and ‘really cool’

Fëanor: But when I do it, I’m ‘petty’ and ‘need to let it go’